Someday
by duskri123
Summary: They see me as the monster, like I deserve the pity. They're deluded. Thousands of scars show my past but at least I know who I am. They lie and hide while I sit back and watch. Everyone has secrets; someday they'll know them all. OOC. AU. Jasper - Bella.
1. Chapter 1

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved within are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Summary: They see me as the monster, like I deserve the pity. They're deluded. Thousands of scars show my past but at least I know who I am. They lie and hide while I sit back and watch. Everyone has secrets; someday they'll know them all.**

**Rated M for adult situations, future violence.**

**Thanks to my fuckawesome pre-reader, Becky03. Love you woman, you make me smile all the time.)**

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**Chapter One **

**J*A*S*P*E*R*P*O*V**

I tended to stay away from the human when he brought her home. I couldn't see the point. Was she a snack he was waiting to have at a later date? A quest he had yet to conquer?

I refused to allow the human girl to believe I felt any sort of familial affection or care for her because I did not. It would be wrong for me to act like I cared or wanted a family bond with her because she'd never make it that far and it wasn't fair to her either.

Edward is a fool. He is my family, my brother, a friend who probably knows more truths from my mind than anyone else, but he is _still _a fool.

Isabella is nothing more than a flight of fancy, something simple to pass his time while he waits for the next distraction to keep his mind from straying to what he really desires.

She is constantly being misguided into thinking he loves her and maybe to some extent he does but nothing like he should. His love could be compared to more of an affectionate feeling, adoration for blood that sings specifically to his inner demon and a mind that is blank to his gift.

Isabella is a wonderful anomaly to Edward's world and he enjoys the pastime she provides him with even though it is a complete fake.

Edward Cullen is a liar and a cheat but he plays the angel like no other. He lies so no one will know what he truly wants. He cheats his family through his actions and things he has done and again keeps the truths from them so they will never know.

It's sad really. I watch her fall to his feet constantly for approval and guidance. I feel her overwhelming amounts of desire and lust for a vampire who lusts for something Isabella most certainly doesn't have.

But that isn't my secret to tell.

Isabella is nothing more than a fool as well. She's constantly falling for his lies, begging for direction and always looking to him for permission. So by doing those things make her nothing better than his puppet. He's molding her into the exact _thing _he thinks she should become.

The obedient wife. A game. A woman who sits down and shuts up, only speaking when spoken to, never putting in an opinion because her opinions don't make a difference to him. He thinks she should be a woman who isn't really a woman so much as a person to be owned that can abide by his whims.

She allows it and no one seems to care. In truth, I really don't either. In a few years, Edward will tire of her nonsense and either leave her life completely or savor the taste of her blood while he drains her dry.

He says he wants marriage. His feelings say different. I could care less. Maybe he will keep her around. The rest of the family seems to enjoy her company, though none of them are any better than Edward.

I assume that her presence in our life is just a passing glimpse that Edward will come to regret eventually rather it be her death by his hands or when he pushes her away. To be truthful I could care less. I look at them but overlook them at the same time. They are a contradiction to anything and everything they say.

I don't see love. I see a need for possession and an infatuation.

Alice pranced into my study, smiling brightly before perching herself up on my oak desk. "Jas, I'm thirsty. Come hunt with me?" It came out as more of a question, she knows better than to demand things from me.

"No thanks, I'm expecting an email from Peter," I told her quietly, not wanting to discuss my venom related brother and his wife again with the rest of our family. They didn't agree with their lifestyle and choices but I could care less.

Alice shot me a look. She has never exactly been impressed with them either. "You can get it later, Jasper." It still wasn't a demand but she was treading close to those waters.

Oh the loss of the nickname. That was always an interesting sign to her level of patience.

"I'll hunt later and unless you see me snacking on some human I suggest you leave it alone, _Alice_." I stressed her name as well, letting her know I was done with the conversation.

Her little huff of impatience and the stamp of her heel against the curl of my chair let me know she was done as well. I watched her retreat from the study before letting out a deep sigh of aggravation.

It wasn't that I didn't love Alice because I did in my own way. She had saved me and given me a life I had never even thought possible but things had been strained between us for a long time. The difference between us and others was that we just kept it more private.

Though Edward knew, for one thanks to his gift, and for two, Alice always went to him as a confidant. That had been an issue for a long time with me and Edward learned quickly about twenty years after we joined the Cullen family that you didn't advance on another man's wife, no matter how confused you are.

I believe it took Esme a week to reattach his head and left arm.

Alice is my wife and until she signs the papers that state otherwise, she remains loyally by my side. Whenever a discussion begins between us about the thought of separating, there really wasn't a big enough issue for us too. I always wonder how badly she will fight if I ever did find someone to replace her as my lover and wife. It isn't like she hasn't sought out distractions when I wasn't available, though said distractions received their dues.

I knew it would be nasty despite the circumstances surrounding it. Alice is much more attached to me than I am to her. Mate is too strong a word to use for the feelings I have for Alice. She can't pretend like she knows any different. It's just another lie to add to the pile.

Another sad truth is that we have become accustomed to one another. Things were safe between us. She looks good on my arm and I look good on hers. I don't feel the need to hide who I really am when she is around and she doesn't hide who she is to me.

I guess we're a contradiction too.

I knew the real Alice behind the chirpy, dancing pixie woman who plays the constant bubbly vampire.

She is scheming and unapologetic for her actions if she is ever caught, which she never has been. She likes things to go her way and the only person she doesn't manipulate is me considering I could catch her in the lies before they ever flew from her lips.

She likes the life she has been given. Expensive possessions, imported cars, and a wealthy life with a family who would go to the ends of the earth and back for any one of us is all she needs to keep her happy. Of course, people bending to her whims, desires and running to her for guidance didn't hurt either.

"Bells," Emmett roared as he barreled through the hallway to find the human girl.

"Jesus, Emmett, could you calm yourself?" Rose snapped out with a clipped tone.

I held back the chuckle as their emotions filtered in; compliments of my gift.

Rosalie was annoyed and slightly angered. She never could get a full grasp on why Emmett loved the human girl so much. He held only brotherly affection for her with an underlying sense of protection and enjoyment.

Emmett was feeling a bit wound up from Rosalie's words. That was the problem with Emmett; he took what she dished out and never said a word but his emotional state always held the truth to what he was feeling.

Emmett always seemed to find joy in Isabella's company. She entertained him with whatever he fancied at that particular moment. Isabella felt the same way towards him though she always looked to Edward for permission before stepping away.

It was ridiculous really. The girl would never stand on her own; she would never have any sense of confidence and would always need confirmation for her actions because of the way she was treated.

Everyone acted differently when she was around the home. Suddenly they all became more humanized and less vampiristic in their ways.

Well all except me. I couldn't see the point in hiding what we were.

If Isabella Swan wanted to act like a woman and run with vampires, then she needed a serious slap from reality regarding our family and the secrets within.

I would never stoop so low as to say they didn't have hearts or that they didn't care, that just wouldn't be true.

Esme is very maternal in her ways, which is true. She loves us all in her own way and uses us the best she can as substitutes for the child she had lost and the children she will never have. Unfortunately, Esme will never really be happy with the existence she has been given. She feels cheated from life and holds resentment deep inside herself that she never let show. It is a constant shovel of fake happiness when reminders are brought up.

So we are her surrogates for a family and the human life she longs for and I believe the resentment she holds is directed at all of us in a way and mostly Carlisle, though she does love him deeply.

I'm sure Edward reads it in her thoughts occasionally and other than him, I was positive no one else knew the truth, including Carlisle.

The crack of a bone sounded, not enough for a break, more of a shift in the bone and Edward hissed.

"Can't breathe…Em," Isabella muttered through gasps.

I made my way out of the study and down the hall as Emmett apologized again and again. Edward grumbled under his breath while the human girl felt embarrassment.

She was playing with fire, running with wolves and just all together trying to fit herself into a dynamic where humans just didn't belong. We are vampires and she is our natural food source.

Sure we feed from animals but that doesn't make it any less difficult. Every single member of our family suffers from the burn of our thirst when Isabella enters the room. The only one who has any semblance of true control and no thirst is Carlisle. Truth be told, I will never understand him for that but I respect it.

The problem for me is humans are our natural food source and denying it causes me more aggravation than the emotional havoc I receive when I kill one. The human's emotions might only last a few moments but the blood sedates me better than anything ever could. Unfortunately the emotional storm doesn't just end with the human; it travels to every member of the Cullen family.

Disappointment. Pity. Anger. Disgust. Forgiveness. Faith.

I hate them all for it and love them just the same. That's the confusing part. I do feel connected to my family, I do love them and feel the need to protect them if needed but I despise being made out as the weakest, the one which deserves pity. That _disgusts _me.

"Hey, Rosalie," the human mumbled out as she walked into the bright kitchen.

I leaned in the doorframe, watching the scene unfold before my eyes. It was the usual every time she came to our home. Isabella tried to make friends and gain some sort of ground with Rose, and Rose pushed her farther away.

It was too bad Rosalie couldn't just get over it all. They might actually enjoy each other's company if Rosalie could let go of her jealousy.

"Human," Rosalie greeted in response.

Shock floated from Isabella at her words but no one said anything. That was the usual as well. Emmett glared at his mate, Edward pulled Isabella from the kitchen in a huff of anger and I kept my position in the other entrance, still silent.

"Damn it, Rosie," Emmett hissed out too low for the human's ears. "Can't you just pretend to like her at least?"

Rose snorted in a very unladylike manner, flicking her thumb nail over her index fingernail and acting completely uninterested. The truth was she felt completely betrayed by Emmett in that moment. Rosalie always felt Emmett should side with her, which she could do no wrong and he should just agree and be happy about it.

Emmett plays stupid and pretends to not care. In reality he wants to smack some sense into his wife and wishes to be treated like the man he is not a dog to be trained. He's lied about countless things and pulls the wool over the eyes of those surrounding him by acting thick and smiling brightly. No one cares to challenge him but I know the truth.

Rosalie is vain, selfish, self-centered, a bitch, emotionally and verbally abusive towards her husband. She's manipulative and uses anything and everything she has to make those around her feel bad for her.

'_Poor pity me. Give me mercy for my bitchiness because I had such a horrible go of it all.'_

At the same time, Rosalie is a lost little girl who had a violent truth thrown at her in minutes. She was violated and ruined by a man she thought she could trust only to turn around and have her humanity ripped away from her.

Having her humanity ripped away from her led to a new feeling of violation and started another phase of ruining for her. Rosalie Hale wasn't always mean, ill tempered and bitingly vicious. She had dreams, goals and hopes. She had wishes for a good husband who loved her and children who she could smother with love.

Because these dreams and hopes were taken away in such a violent manner and the truth of an existence that did not include said things, Rosalie hates the person she thinks caused it all. Resentment is not a good enough word for what passes through her every time she sees our adoptive father.

She hates him to her very core but she would never say it out loud. Despite Royce King being the man who really cost the life she wanted, Rosalie blames Carlisle and never once forgets to take the opportunity to remind him whenever she can without all out saying she despises his very face.

Rosalie is a liar and a bitch in the truest form. She takes for granted the gift she was given and the man who loves her despite it all. I never could understand why she stayed with the family if she hated our leader so much. I think now it comes from what she gains by staying. She'll always have whatever she wants and money is no issue. The best of the best is shoveled at her feet to keep her happy and content while inside she stews in a pit of loathing and rage.

That's Carlisle's biggest downfall. He constantly fights internally with the decision he made to change Rosalie. He would never outright call her a mistake and he would never tell her to leave yet he tries harder and harder every day of his life to make her happy or to see some sort of acceptance from her regarding him.

It will never happen yet he still tries.

Carlisle lies to himself. He's shut himself into a dark closet where the truth of his family doesn't matter. He's content with thinking Esme is happy and always will be regardless of the truth. And in all honesty Carlisle would rather Rosalie pretend to care like she does than have her spill the truth of how she feels. Carlisle is much to compassionate. He lets his emotions override his common sense most times and that will be his downfall someday.

Of course they all have their secrets. None of them are true to themselves or to the people they include as family.

Every single one of them lies to the other. They withhold secrets for fear of judgment and punishment. Some aren't happy and have been known to seek out what does make them happy though the other half never knows the truth.

There are far too many secrets and I suppose everyone knows that everyone else has a secret but it's better not to ask. Unfortunately the problem with a little white lie is that a web of lies starts to form and there isn't a vampire smart enough or strong enough to work through it all.

A family is only as strong as the foundation it's built on. How strong are we really when the foundation is nothing more than deceit and half assed actions which they dared to proclaim is from love and care? None of it would make a difference if someone started the discussion of who's to blame in our family, everything would go to Hell in a hand basket anyway.

If it ever does happen, I hope to sweet Jesus I can be in the room to watch it all unfold.

"Feeling particularly nasty today, Sis?" I asked Rose with a smirk playing on my lips as Emmett stormed from the room.

She arched a perfect brow and shrugged. "Why pretend, Jasper? She doesn't belong with us."

Despite myself, I defended the human girl. "So what makes you any different than her? Humanity is something we all lose in one way or the other eventually; rather it comes from death in old age or the venom burning our veins dry."

I felt indignation fly from her emotions before she spoke. "That is a ridiculous statement."

"No, it's the truth, which everyone seems to be lacking lately," I replied. I lowered my voice to a level where only Rose and I would be heard before continuing. "In all honesty, Rose, he doesn't love her the way he, she, or the rest of you thinks. It's an infatuation, a passing moment in his monotonous life. Give it a year and she'll be gone."

"We can hope. She deserves more," Rose murmured in agreement, a flash of the nicer, more compassionate woman inside her coming through.

I chuckled deeply. "If she's lucky she might even make it out alive."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

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**Pre-read by Becky03. Beta'd by TheFaintHeart.**

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**J*A*S*P*E*R*P*O*V**

I lounged at the bottom of the staircase in silence, watching the family dart around the house at human speed for the sake of Isabella and her human vision. She'd been coming around for a month now, on and off much more often than before. I was starting to think if she added a couple pairs of clothes and a toothbrush that it would make it her permanent residence. I wasn't interested in that thought at all. Every time she came though, it had been with Edward but for the weekend, she would be staying here with Alice and me alone.

Why? Because the rest of the family decided they needed to hunt and because I fed on a more regular basis than they did and Alice trekked along with me most times, we were stuck on babysitting duty.

Basically Isabella had somehow managed to make friends with the dogs on the reservation. Edward liked to play on the fact that his human could possibly be hurt by an easily angered werewolf and then he could do nothing about it.

In reality, Edward was just worried that his human might find snuggling up to a warm, muscled native boy would be more in her preference. I thought the situation was preposterous.

I was not impressed. In fact, I was doing my best to hold in the snarl of irritation.

"Cheer up, Jas," Alice whispered from behind me. "You're literally oozing aggravation from your granite pores."

I rolled my eyes and tipped my head back to look at her. "Alice, I do not want to be stuck in this position. An hour is fine but two days and two nights just isn't a good idea."

It wasn't a complete lie. I didn't believe in the whole lying thing anyway. Enough of that had been spread around the last month as it was.

Dealing with the human scents in school every day was a hassle I dealt with solely for the purpose of improving the control I was seeking. It was still a bother plus it had become rather repetitive and boring the last couple of years. I was thinking about taking a leave from the family for a year or two once the human nonsense had been settled.

Once Edward's pet had started coming around the house more often, I found my bloodlust increasing ever so slowly again. It had started creeping up in my mind at the worst of times and my control was starting to suffer seriously from it.

At least once the school day was out I could leave the human fragrances behind, take a shower to rid the sweet smell and kill a doe to sedate the burn. Now, Isabella's floral scent washed nearly every inch of our home and I couldn't escape it.

Occasionally a window was opened and it would air out but with her being here for a weekend straight, I was sure something bad was going to happen.

"I could have just spent the weekend in La Push with Jacob and Charlie," the human moaned in irritation.

I again rolled my eyes at the whine. She was too human, too gratingly irritating for me to find any enjoyment from. I couldn't even find myself wanting to be in the house while Alice primed her for another session of 'paint the human with pretty colors'.

Edward's chest expanded with a growl that he held in at the name of the shape shifter whom Isabella had become close friends with.

"You know why it isn't safe to be there. Besides, we aren't allowed to cross the treaty lines, love, it's hardly fair game. Alice is blind with them and we'd never know if you needed us," he reasoned.

Alice stifled a giggle behind me at the blatant show Edward was putting on. He acted like every word that came out of his mouth was simply law to be obeyed and believed no matter what. The human felt strangely disappointed and sparked with determination.

I smirked at that feeling, suddenly finding myself wondering what thoughts or plans could be warranting such emotions from the human.

Alice's hand stilled on my back and her fingers clenched into my shirt. I knew the feeling as her body froze; she was having a vision. Edward let loose a deep rumbling growl and the human froze in fright.

Fear coursed through her emotions, her heart pumped faster and she smelled _sweeter. _

God damn it.

"No, Bella," Edward hissed.

"I-I'm sor-sorry?" she managed to ask.

"Alice just saw you stealing my Volvo and then it went blank. It doesn't matter, you won't get through Alice anyway, and she will most certainly see the decisions. And Jasper is a military man; the run you give him wouldn't be worth his time. Even Alice can't trick Jasper."

Feeling slightly smug I thanked Edward in my mind. He might be slightly skewed in his ways and confused at times but he still knew who he wanted on his side of the fence if it was ever needed.

"Military?"

Edward looked at me, his emotions giving off the distinct vibe of asking permission. I nodded too fast for the human to see.

"Yeah, a type of military. Maybe he can give you an _edited _version of his human life and vampire years this weekend." I didn't miss the stressed word for a second and chuckled.

Curiosity flowed from the fragile human girl and I narrowed my eyes at the tiles on the floor. This wasn't at all what I wanted.

"Be nice, Jas," Alice whispered.

Be nice.

That was ridiculous. I had no intention of letting the human get any closer to me than was needed. Her mind and actions were too weak for me to care about her choices. Her words were too programmed to what everyone else would want and desire. She acted, spoke, and placated to exactly what those around her expected from her.

She was too selfless and too cloned for me to have any desire to know her. This wasn't who she was; it was just a molded version of a girl. She had no mind of her own and couldn't walk a straight line without first making sure it would make those around her happy.

Isabella seriously needed to get a spine and original thought before I could see her as anything other than a pet.

Be nice. Fuck that.

I was too interested in peeling back the cast of fakeness that surrounded her so I could see what lay behind the creature she'd created.

And that was wrong. She wouldn't make it far enough to be useful but maybe if she grew a theoretical pair and stomped her little foot down, she might see right through Edward.

During my internal ramble, Edward and Alice had been discussing the weekend plans. He'd been too focused on her mind to care about mine. I was suddenly feeling grateful for his closeness and trust in my wife because it gave me the easiest out when it came to confrontation. It wasn't that I didn't like it; I just preferred not to listen to the aftermath of it.

Emmett slid down the railing of the banister, jumping off just before he reached the bottom, earning a glare from Esme and a giggle from the human.

"Emmett Cullen," Esme warned quietly.

He should have known better but he liked to push the tides with our adopted mother. Two things meant the most to Esme, her home and her family. Despite her constant dislike for her life, she loved us to pieces but felt trapped as well.

It was a confusing mess for her to be in and even though I felt the emotions, I couldn't sympathize or understand. If she wasn't happy then things could be done to make her happy or rid her of what she disliked. Esme's biggest fault was similar to the human's she now felt closest to; she'd rather have those around her happy than herself.

"Sorry, Mom," he chuckled. Rosalie found her spot tucked under his arm and she shot daggers at the human through her eyes. There were no overly malicious emotions emitting from her yet she still felt a strong repulsion and dislike for the girl. "I need to take leave for two weeks. Can we set it up with the school?" Emmett asked quietly.

Technically he didn't need to ask because we were all considered adopted. No more information was given than that and it was easy to say we were visiting family. The school work would be handed in when we returned and nothing was ever said. We all had exceptionally poor attendance but excellent grades. No questions were ever asked.

"Sure. Why?" Carlisle asked as he walked into the room.

Emmett's eyes flickered to mine and immediately my mind chanted old songs to prevent my mind reading brother from accidentally hearing anything. Emmett wasn't stupid when he went on his 'trips'. Alice never received a vision once he stepped off our door step because he never made a decision; he just went with the flow and let things come as they may.

He had a problem. I only knew the truth because he came up on me hunting about forty years ago, eyes gleaming with venom tears as he sobbed and asked for help.

I did as I could and it had been fixed for him but he never made that mistake again.

Two weeks was just enough time so long as he did what was required after.

"I've got some family things to take care of in Tennessee," he explained. "Jasper let me in on some family heirlooms last month that were coming up on auction. I'd like to go settle it all instead of someone else getting it."

Edward was looking at Emmett strangely and my thoughts were still focusing on the songs.

"Alright," Carlisle mused with a smile.

I always seemed to have my name thrown into it, like my name meant it had to be the truth. It irritated me to no end but I didn't mind keeping Emmett's secret. He'd never asked me for help again after that one time.

"Are you going, Rose?" Esme asked.

I held back the snort of laughter as she shook her head 'no' in response. Of course she wouldn't. She believed Emmett's lie just as much as the rest of them did. She had no clue what he would be doing.

Lucky for Emmett, I actually had found a couple of his family's old paintings in a town museum. They went on auction a month ago. He'd bought them online and just needed to pick them up at the place where they were being stored.

Rosalie would loathe Emmett if she knew the truth. He cherished the very ground she walked on, savored her every glance and did nearly everything to make her smile yet he couldn't stop the thing that would rock their very foundation to the ground if she knew.

Personally I believed he'd just become too attached to the rush of it all.

But Emmett's one secret pull was nothing compared to his biggest _truth_. He hid something from everyone that could validate all our deaths and even more. He didn't even know I knew but being a silent observer with a lot of contacts left no secrets to be hidden.

He was careful and never made a mistake. No one realized how weak Alice and Edward's gifts really could be.

"Both of us gone for two weeks would arouse suspicion. I'll be fine without him," Rosalie reasoned. Of course she would. It gave her free time to play the heroine like she so often did when she had time.

Emmett knew but didn't approve. Alice saw but said nothing. Edward heard but kept his mouth shut and our parents were left in the dark. I had no opinion because I found it all quite pointless.

Humans were our food. You shouldn't play with your food. That again brought me back to the human cuddled close to my brother. It sickened me but at the same time I found myself intrigued at what made her tick.

"Well, we should go," Carlisle sounded, bringing me from my internal musings.

"No La Push," Edward whispered to her.

I felt a slight feeling of euphoria and bewilderment as her heart rate picked up slightly. He was charming her, using his natural given predator elements of a vampire to seduce her body and mind. Her hard intake of breath and bobbled nod told me it worked and I immediately felt nauseated again.

So preposterous. She just walked around him on eggshells so that she wouldn't hurt what she perceived as perfection. She was a fool and he was an even bigger fool.

La Push was forgotten.

Once they had left, the night went on rather smoothly. I'd managed to evade Alice and the human by sticking to the area in the house where our more illegal activities took place.

I'd let things slip since we'd been in Forks regarding our forged paperwork and alike and we'd soon need new identities with new pasts when it was decided a change was in order for us all.

A constant flow of frustration, irritation and disbelief started just as I finished Rosalie's schooling history. I groaned and then growled low enough for Alice to hear. It didn't make a difference and I immediately left my place to calm whatever was brewing in the females down below.

I found Isabella in a staring match with my wife at the entrance. I'd been too involved in my work to pay much attention to where they had been moving about in the house so it was a surprise.

"Bella, he'd kill me," Alice stated exasperated, pleading almost.

Ah, La Push again. I wanted to smile and clap for the human who'd suddenly decided to take a step outside the box she'd fit so well into.

"Jasper, tell her," Alice demanded.

I shot my wife a look that told her she'd misplaced her words and she quickly muttered a 'please'. "Are you hungry?" I asked the human simply.

"Ah." It was just a lackluster response. She felt more shock over the fact that I'd actually spoken to her instead of avoiding her very presence.

"Yeah, _ah_ is not an appropriate answer. It's a yes or no question, Isabella."

"Jas," Alice murmured too low for the human. I ignored her and kept my attention focused on the girl.

"I'm sorry. Yes, I'm hungry."

I looked at my wife and shrugged. "See, Alice, she's hungry. She's _human. _Could you go into town and get her something to sedate that issue. Obviously she's going to need food for the weekend. I don't know why we didn't think of that and I'd rather not listen to her stomach and intestines groan for supplement. Esme can cook just fine for whatever reason but we aren't so fortunate."

Alice raised an eyebrow at me in question and I just looked on indifferently. "No La Push."

"Whatever," the human grounded out through clenched teeth.

I stared at the human who stared right back. "No La Push," I agreed.

I felt my wife's stone lips press against my cheek and the shift in the air as she made her way out the door, the slamming sound making the human break her gaze.

"Wow, that was fast," she commented.

"She's a vampire, Isabella, it's only natural we use our actual speed when it isn't necessary to appear human for the sake of privacy and protection," I stated like I was speaking to a small child.

She just looked at the door, listening to the sound of Alice's new Porsche rev up and spinning gravel as she drove off. "I guess I'm just used to Edward appearing human."

I nearly spat out that Edward wasn't near as good at being human as he appeared. She just focused all of her attention on him and ignored the most blatant things that surrounded her daily.

She started taking off the shoes she had put on and I removed myself from the area at a speed that was too fast for her to see. I couldn't return to my projects upstairs, she would most likely follow me and the things we created and did up there were not something I was willing to explain.

We'd both found our way into the living room area of the house. I picked up a book and quickly thumbed through the pages to where I had left off the night before. Isabella sat down on a large chair opposite of me and flicked the television on, watching in silence.

I watched her in my peripherals, the way she breathed, how her blood pulsed under her skin. She was so human; alive, true flesh, blood and breath.

"You're watching me, aren't you?" she asked, followed by a tiny laugh.

I couldn't help but smirk, she was more observant than I'd given her credit for.

"Yes. I was watching your _humanness,_ let's say." Curiosity spun, her mouth opened and closed but she said nothing. "Just ask."

"I'm kind of confused." Her voice was soft and I could tell she was trying to keep the conversation amicable.

"I see your breath in your chest and I can count every pulse of your heart while I hear its beats. You have such pale skin that I can see the blood rush underneath your skin in your veins. The floral scent of your blood lingers to anything you touch and leaves a scent wherever you go."

My eyes stayed trained on the book in front of me but I was keeping my focus on the human across from me. She wasn't scared and that immediately piqued my interest.

"You talk about me like I'm a meal," she laughed.

I did look up then and nodded slowly for her to see it clearly. "You are a meal. Not mine, but you are a meal, Isabella. We feed from animals, yes, but that doesn't mean we are inattentive to the blood that keeps you alive. Feeding from animals just allows us to sympathize more with the humans that surround us. We have a complex about it, each and every one of us is different where it is concerned; some less caring than others. I don't wish to discuss it tonight. "

"That's sort of uncalled for," she murmured.

"No, it's truthful. Get used to it. I'm not one to give pleasantries and act humanized for the sake of your hopeless innocence."

"Do you not like me?" She asked, her voice betraying her calm emotions as it shook slightly.

"Do you care what I think Isabella?" I gave her a question for a question.

She said nothing and went back to watching the television. I couldn't help but smile to myself. She deflected things that bothered her by simply ignoring it all. That would prove useless for her eventually. Nothing good came out of deflecting issues that surrounded you.

I knew it would take Alice a good hour to wait for the food and get it back to the house. I wasn't all too excited in smelling the putrid scent of human food wafting in the house. It would stick to everything for days and a constant gag would set itself in the back of my throat every time I dared to take a deep breath.

I didn't understand at all how it could taste remotely decent to the humans who ate it but it did present itself with a benefit. The stench of food would help to dull the floral essence of Isabella while she stayed with us for the weekend.

I could deal with the nauseating scent for that purpose. Besides, I could always ask the human what it tasted like once she was eating if I was still remotely curious.

Isabella's sudden voice had my attention again. "Where is Emmett really going for two weeks?"

Suddenly the simple human held my rapt attention. My eyes trained to hers and she smirked ever so slightly. No, none of us had certainly given her enough credit to what she took in and gave out.

"Emmett has something he needs to deal with privately," I stated with caution, knowing Alice could very well see this conversation and I wasn't exactly open to dealing with the consequences of Isabella knowing what Emmett did in his spare time.

"Something that he needs to hide from his family?" She asked confused.

"Something his family wouldn't approve of," I supplemented. "You're observant."

"I'm not an idiot," she bit out. "Rosalie isn't going with him so she obviously has something she wishes to do as well, not that I care much for her. I've kind of given up on the route. Still, it doesn't take two weeks for an auction and Edward had an odd look on his face while he listened to Emmett talk."

"Edward got nothing from Emmett. He never does."

"Why?"

I stared at the page I was currently on, letting the words flow into my mind before I could decide what I wanted to say. "Isabella, everyone has something that someone else would have an issue with. Being a Cullen doesn't make us immune to those things. You've noticed one thing so far and if you want a hope in Hell of being a part of this world, I suggest you learn to stand on your own. We're only as strong as our weakest member and truth be told, that isn't me."

Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly but she said nothing in response to my statement.

"Do you have something to hide Jasper?" Her voice was low, barely a whisper and closer to a breath.

"Other than the secrets I keep for those around me, no Isabella, I have nothing to hide about myself, nothing I wouldn't openly tell anyone else if asked or pushed."

"Just call me Bella, Jasper," she told me quietly.

"I will call you Isabella or I will not refer to you at all," I replied with a nastier tone.

"Why?"

She seemed genuinely confused and her emotions had turned to a muddled mess of feeling puzzled and offended.

I sighed hard in irritation. "Because, _Bella_ is not your name."

Her head tilted slightly to the side in question and I chuckled. "Alice calls you Jas."

"I hate that nickname, and she knows it. It has no relevance to whom or what I am. Do I appear to be a melody or give a sense of joy to those around me?"

"Why do you let her then?" She had completely ignored my last statement and in reality I didn't care.

I could hear the sounds of my wife's vehicle rounding our long driveway. "She enjoys it."

"I enjoy being called Bella. Isabella sounds old and boring," the human explained.

I shrugged and tossed the book on the shelf behind me. Standing up quickly at a speed too fast for her eyes had her pupils dilating fast to catch my movements but not quickly enough.

"Bella is not someone I care to know. She looks for validation, feeds from acceptance, and sticks her head in the sand. Isabella is someone I've yet to be introduced to."

Maybe my words had come out a little harsher than I had intended but the effect of shock and indignation in her emotions gave me the response I wanted.

I said nothing else and instead removed myself from the room. Knowing I could still hear her, she spoke quietly as I walked up the staircase.

"Jas fits perfectly. It can be deep and soulful or upbeat and carefree. Jas is someone I've yet to be introduced to as well.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by Becky03.**

* * *

**J*A*S*P*E*R*P*O*V**

I stuck to my study for most of the night. My curiosity as to the taste and texture of human food remained dormant enough for me to stay put while the human ate. I could smell the horrid scents wafting from under the door but it nearly eliminated the traces of Isabella's scent in the room.

She had caught me off guard. I was surprised; almost _curious. _

It irritated me to no end. I didn't want to care about the human. I had no interest in the family's newest pet. Yet, she had me curious.

Alice slipped into my study silently, gazing at me warily and saying nothing. I knew what she was seeing. I was shifty, fidgeting with a paper and glaring at the desk.

It was none of her business and she wouldn't bother to ask anyway. She knew I wouldn't answer. I owed Alice nothing and refused to put out more than was necessary at the best of times as it was.

"What?" I asked.

"How is the thirst?"

I rolled my eyes. Of course she'd be worried about that. We wouldn't want Jasper accidentally snacking on the human buffet downstairs. That might complicate the family more than it already was.

"Fine," I replied with a bite to my tone. "Perfect. The stench of whatever you brought home has thoroughly killed whatever urge I had to kill the pet downstairs."

"Jasper," she warned.

Obviously the _pet_ remark hit a nerve. "I refuse to apologize for that statement."

"You like her."

My head snapped up to look at my wife. She was grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

"You think she's interesting."

"I think she's annoyingly inconvenient. I think she poses risks for our family. I think she's another way for Edward to pass his time instead of running to Denali or Seattle to get what he really wants. I _know _she's useless. I _know _she is irritatingly human and I _know _I do not like her," I hissed.

The grin left her face, replaced by a mask of anger and concern. "Jasper, she's going to be a part of our family."

I stood up and slammed my hands on the desk. "Great, Alice, another fuckin' nuisance to add to my pile."

"Jasper, she's my friend and Edward's mate."

"Please," I scoffed. "She's a _pet_."

Alice huffed in anger but said nothing. She couldn't and wouldn't because she knew I was right. I knew Alice had made attachments with the human but Edward's attachments only went as far as his dick would lead.

"I know you care about her, Ally," I murmured quietly.

My wife sighed deeply before her eyes lost their focus and she slipped into a vision. "Bella, you are not going to La Push!" Alice yelled, disbelief and frustration coating her every word and emotion.

I couldn't help but chuckle and Alice shot me a glare before stomping out of the room.

"Alice, you can't stop me," the human nearly growled.

"Oh but I can. Vampire speed, strength, abilities and all that good crap," Alice retorted with a wave of her tiny hands. "I promised Edward, Bella. Please just be understanding in the matter. He does have a point. They are very unstable and I'm at a disadvantage, we all are." Alice was trying to be the voice of reason but it wasn't having her desired effect.

I couldn't help but feel a bit proud of the human girl. Despite the fact that she was being disobedient and a bit hard to handle, she was pushing what she wanted to the forefront. I knew it had something to do with Edward not being here to distract her simple mind but nonetheless, it was a step up from her usual behavior.

I'd rather see her walk on her own than be guided into what those around her wanted, even if that meant dealing with the consequences of the actions she caused.

She was still annoyingly maddening for me though. I had a complex with human life, she was affecting it and I wanted to rebel against that.

The human was everything I despised. She was just that, human, alive, substance. Something I wanted but couldn't have. We were not meant to make nice and be friends. I was created, built and trained to kill humans. Absolutely nothing about Bella appealed to me. Her scent was sweet but no better than any other human's blood that came before her. She wasn't overly attractive, but beautiful to a subtle point. Her words were no more intelligent than the boy who sat next to her in class yet there were times when a sentence would slip and another glimpse of who she had _been _would come through.

Yet there she was and something was _off. _I paid her more attention than I'd thought and that was terrible.

I shouldn't care. I didn't care. I wouldn't care. I _could not _care.

I had never crossed paths with someone so stupidly clumsy that managed to fall in the direct path of a family of vampires. Did she have a death wish? I'd never seen a woman so desperate to please those around her to the point of appearing desperate and weak. Who was she trying to make believe, them or herself?

What were her motives? I wanted to poke and prod for the answers to my questions but that brought me closer to the human than I wanted to be. Still, something was off about her, I could just feel it.

She was hiding herself. It was all a veil of protection. Even I could see that.

Without really realizing what I was doing, I had wandered aimlessly throughout the house lost in my thoughts. An hour had passed since the human had tried to leave once again but she'd also made her way into the bedroom that was Edward's. Her light snoring echoed into my senses and I found myself becoming slightly agitated at the sound.

I found Alice in our bedroom, twirling about the floor like a prima ballerina. I sat down on the chaise in the corner and watched her silently. Regardless of my lack of attachment to Alice, I still adored her and always would.

She was a tricky little witch and a force to be reckoned with but she was nothing short of a brilliant ray of happiness and hope. She had given me that and I would always be grateful.

"Is it time yet, Jasper?" Alice asked softly as her fluid movements came to a stop directly in front of me.

"Time for what, Ally?"

"Us."

Her one word had my mind drawing a million possibilities at the meaning.

I chuckled and pulled her down to me. She straddled my waist, her fingers trailing a dancing line of desire across my shoulder. "Be specific."

"Should we separate now or put it off again?"

Again my mind went reeling. "I see no need, unless you do."

"Not yet." Her smile was brilliantly bright but her emotions leaked sadness behind the mask of it all. I couldn't push her because she wasn't ready. It made me wonder though, what had brought it all on?

"Someone's feeling shamelessly lustful," I murmured against her neck.

And just like that, the conversation was diverted, her emotions were charged with desire and the annoying sounds in the background were forgotten. We spent the next two hours swimming in a sensual haze of feverish sex. Nothing was ever soft and slow between Alice and me. It was always heated and intense.

Making love was for those who actually were in love. We were consumed with each other by nothing more than lust and a raw ache to be fulfilled. It came back to being content with what the other knew. Her body twisted to the right angles for me and my fingers traced the paths she found so much bliss from.

Comfort and content would never be enough for forever. There needed to be more. At least I knew that.

Around four in the morning, Alice slipped off into the shower. Not caring if I smelled of my wife and sex, I wandered about the property aimlessly for a while.

The stars were bright, more so to my eyes than a human could see. The cold air brushed against my skin but it made no difference to my body temperature. It had been a while since I'd just stared at the sky for no particular reason and it felt nice.

I was losing my ideals of indifference and I had no idea what was causing it.

The human had placed herself in a family of vampires that had enough distractions and problems without the added issue of her.

Our mother was depressed at the best of times, finding supplement with a makeshift family of ungrateful children and an unobservant husband. The father was lost in a world of perfection that he tried to create but was losing grip on the things he held most dear and a lifestyle that some were just barely hanging onto, if at all.

Then there were the siblings. If the human wanted siblings then she picked an interesting bunch to climb on board with.

The sisters were protective but self serving first and foremost. One kept her tabs and the other walked a thin line of what she wanted and what she'd settle for.

The brother was making his ruin in not one way but two and he'd dug himself so deep that he would never be able to climb out alive.

And finally the one she thought was her mate was the most difficult of the bunch. He kept the keys to a kingdom she thought she wanted but he wasn't even sure if she was what he wanted.

I was left at the end of them all. But I meant nothing to her. She wasn't my sister, a friend or a lover for that matter. I couldn't count myself off into a category with any of them because we shared no similarities other than the color of our eyes and the family crest we all wore.

I made my way back to the house in silence. I found my wife leaning against the bay window, her forehead pressed against the glass and a grimace on her face. She was emitting the distinct emotions of confusion and a slight amount of concern.

"What's going on, Alice?" I asked her.

Her eyes opened and she turned to look at me. "I've just been getting confusing visions."

My head titled slightly and I smirked at her. "It's not of Edward again is it? Just ignore them; he's always annoyingly befuddled and unsure of his actions He can't make a choice to save himself at times. Isabella has only intensified that feeling since her arrival into our lives."

Despite my teasing tone, Alice knew I was telling the truth on the subject. I wasn't one to hold back on things, actually I was blatantly blunt to a harsh point most times but there were times when I could pretty up the words a bit to soften the blow. If I felt it was needed. Alice was slightly inclined to Edward and I wouldn't ruin that for her. They were two people with exceptional gifts that made them outsiders in a world of outsiders. They found comfort in knowing that at least the other understood what they were going through.

"It's not Edward."

Immediately I was concerned but I kept my face a blank slate. Giving anything away without first knowing what she knew would be a bad decision.

"You're going to need to explain a bit further," I told her.

She sighed and grimaced again. "I just keep getting flashes of a human faces. I don't get much more than that but they look oddly familiar. It's just picture still visions, no communication or actions. I don't understand what significance they have to us…"

I listened to her trail off, babbling about the people she was seeing but I already knew what she was talking about it.

To placate her I brushed it off, hoping it would keep her from trying to see any more than was necessary. "I'm sure it's just one of those things. Like when you get a vision of the weather changing or random visions of the forest. You can't always choose what you see."

My words pacified her and she nodded with a small smile.

"I think I might take a run to Canada to clear my mind. It always helps. You don't mind staying with Bella while I go?" Her tone was sweet but I could feel that she was worried about me being left alone with the human for too long.

"I'll be fine. Isabella will be fine." So long as we kept our distance.

"There is breakfast food in the house so I won't need to pick up anything for her in the morning. Just let her know where the cooking utensils are when she wakes up. I'll be back by seven, Jas."

With a light kiss to my cheek, she left the house. I listened to her footfalls get farther and farther away.

Without even thinking about it, I dialed Emmett's cell phone, hoping he'd pick it up immediately. The quicker the better and the decision would have only been made on his part. Alice would see his side of the conversation if she got a vision but she wouldn't see mine.

"Man," Emmett's loud voice sounded. "I'm hunting here. You're scaring the fucking animals away."

I growled low into the phone. I was saving his ass from Alice knowing something she didn't need to and he was pissed about his animals.

"Don't say my name. Alice might see. She's getting visions of faces, Emmett."

His breathing stopped for a moment. "I'm not making decisions."

"Subconsciously you are."

"Not regarding play," he muttered. "I never do. I haven't even gotten out of the family hunt yet."

"Emmett, I know," I stated firmly to catch his attention on what I was referring to. "It's not play man, just I know, okay?"

I heard a sharp intake of air followed by a low hiss. "You don't know shit. Just forget it. Thanks for the warning. I hear Rose coming."

Without another word, the dial tone sounded and I sighed. If Emmett wasn't careful, he'd be making a one way flight to Italy and coming back a pile of smoldering ashes. If the rest of us were lucky, we might make it out without punishment.

Not me though. If I ever stood in front of the Volturi brothers, I wouldn't have a chance to speak before they ended me. Aro liked the thought of my gift but at the same time he knew my death was the only option for my part in the Southern Wars.

Having been involved with Maria caused a backlash I'd never be able to get out of. As long as I stuck close to Carlisle then Aro held a soft spot for my existence. It wasn't cowardly to have self preservation in the only way I could and I would forever be grateful to Carlisle for the protection he gave me.

It wasn't a secret though. They all knew why I easily attached myself to the family. It held no weight to the fact that I did actually care for them.

A half hour later, quiet murmurs and soft cries started in the room upstairs. I hadn't moved from my spot in the living room but those sounds mixed with the constant stream of agony, anger and fear had me slowly moving toward the human.

I pushed the door open to find her laying in the fetal position on the bed. She was still asleep and clutching tight to the blanket that was bunched at her chest. My eyes zoned in on her form as she shuddered and let out a low whimper.

"Nnn… stop… don't…" Her words were slightly slurred from sleep and the emotions were becoming near overwhelming for me.

I felt a tightening in my chest at her words. A pain shot through me at what that could mean.

"Lee… no…."

Lee. Who was Lee?

I knew Edward had asked again and again to be in Isabella's room while she slept. I'd heard her refuse him nearly the same amount of times. He was a gentleman to some point, he wouldn't without her permission but that didn't stop him from sitting outside her window every night.

Personally I found it a bit creepy, and slightly obsessive.

The overnight bag lay open by the nightstand and the orange bottle with the whitecap stood out above anything else.

Pills.

I was across the room and picking up the bottle without making a sound in less than a second. Quickly I scanned the label and it left me even more confused.

_Sleeping pills_.

I looked into the bottle, realized only four were missing and then noticed the prescription had been filled the day after she had arrived in Forks. Obviously she only used them when it was needed.

As far as I was concerned they were needed now.

I dropped the bottle and removed myself from the room, pushing strong amounts of calm and lethargy into the human girl. I looked in one last time before I shut the door again and found myself smiling just a little.

Her hands had released the death grip on the blanket. Her body was relaxed and less tense. A tiny snore sounded, and I found it wasn't so annoying now.

Confusion was my companion for the next hour. Nothing made sense regarding the human girl and I wanted to figure it out.

Why hadn't Edward mentioned she had nightmares? How had we not smelled the pills in her bloodstream when she was taking them?

So many questions littered about but I had no answers.

Her groan of annoyance had me stilling my pacing in the first floor hallway. I listened to her shuffle around the room, taking her human moment and then come stumbling down the stairs in a still half sleep induced state.

She hadn't even noticed me standing off to the side watching her quietly.

The human looked tired, emotionally and physically. In all the times I had seen her, never once had I ever seen her look defeated, unhappy or _drained_.

It was such a personal state of mind for her, a private event that she obviously had become accustomed to and I wondered why.

She moved into the kitchen and I followed slowly behind, still silent. As she poured herself a glass of water, I moved beside her and touched her arm lightly. I felt like she needed comfort. It felt like such a natural action for me to do and I couldn't explain it.

"Shit," she screamed.

Her heart beat erratically and the glass she was holding shook before dropping out of her hand and bounced off the counter, splashing us both with water and sending sharp glass shards all over the place.

"Don't move," I commanded in a sharper tone than I meant, knowing one little cut could send me into a bloodlust induced frenzy.

While I said that, I was still stuck on the fact that she cussed. In one way it sounded so unnatural to come from her mouth and at the same time it seemed like she had said it a million times before.

"Could you put a bell around your neck or something, Jasper? You scared the life out of me," she muttered as I quickly picked up the glass.

I chuckled but was still stuck on the fact that she had said 'shit'.

"You cursed," I teased lightly, not even sure why I was doing it. Teasing wasn't like me at all.

I was so _confused_.

I looked up at her and her brown eyes were wide. "No, I didn't."

"Perfect memory here, Isabella, you cursed." I tapped my temple for good measure.

Amusement leaked from her but still she said nothing. I deposited the glass into the garbage, making one more sweep of the floor and counters to make sure I had got it all.

"You were having nightmares earlier," I remarked. Still she said nothing. "I had to calm you." I wouldn't mention the pills because it wasn't for me to do so.

"Thank you."

It was a simple statement but it felt like more. I hadn't been overly pleasant to the human girl in all the time she'd been around our family so for me to do something good was a big thing, for both of us.

She leaned against the counter and looked out the window. Her shirt was wet along the front top and bottom where the water had splashed and my eyes were immediately drawn to the white see through fabric of the shirt. It stuck lightly against her skin and my better than perfect eyesight allowed me to see right through the wet material to the tiny mark beneath it.

A perfectly cursive written _L_ was tattooed on her left hip just above the bone. A tiny heart had been incorporated into the cursive length of the _L_ as well, swirling inside before dropping down and finishing the letter. It was just a tiny tattoo, no bigger than two and a half inches high but it fit her body perfectly.

I had seen many tattoos on humans and I wasn't fond on them at all. Yet Isabella's tiny little _L_ had me so curious that I couldn't find any reason to see disgust in the permanent inking of her skin.

Did Edward know?

Was the _L_ for Lee?

My fingers reached out on their own accord and touched the mark above the fabric. Shock echoed from the human and she swung sideways, her hand covering where the mark was on her hip, eyes wide with fear and she sputtered a few times.

The Cullens' weren't the only ones with things to hide. The human had a secret. I wanted to know that secret.

"I won't say a word," I whispered quickly.

"I won't tell you," she retorted, venom lacing her words. How had she gotten so angry so quickly?

"You don't have to."

But I wanted to know.

The human had a secret.

The human who had been nothing but a passing glance in my mind suddenly became the main focus of my interest and attention. Who was she really? What had happened that she had a permanent mark on her body to remember something or someone?

She was like an onion-odd comparison but true-several layers needed to be pulled back before you got to the best part. I wanted to pull them all away and leave her raw and bare for me to see.

Who was she really?

"Isabella…"

Her hand came up and stopped me immediately. "No, not one word."

An idea flashed in my mind, I hadn't even thought about giving her the information before and it was much too spontaneous for Alice to ever get a vision of me saying it.

The human needed an out and I was going to give it to her. I was going to give her an opportunity to make a choice and she could take it or leave it. If forcing her to live meant peeling away the fake to get to the real, well I was willing to do that too.

No, Bella held no interest to me. But Isabella was something else entirely.

"Split second decisions. That's all it takes to get by Alice. Don't think, don't plan, just do. Okay?"

A faint smirk crossed her lips but it left just as quick as it came.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Jas," she whispered as she walked away from me.

Her words stung me like fire and ice. I had shown emotion, showed weakness and care. I had opened myself up to a tirade of things to come and I didn't even fully realize it yet.

I had cracked her foundation. I had peeled away the first layer of a secret.

"It's _interesting_ to meet you as well, Isabella."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved within are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Except for Lee, that- notice no he or she- one is all mine. **

**Chapter 4: Chapter 4**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by Becky03. **

* * *

**J*A*S*P*E*R*P*O*V**

I kept a close watch on the human for the next day. It was from pure curiosity and it did nothing to soothe the raging bloodlust that was curling around my mind while burning a searing trail down my throat.

Masochistic tendencies seemed to go hand in hand with being a vampire. We should be so lucky.

Apparently the human was finding it hard to get around Alice. Not planning to plan something was harder than it seemed. Isabella would only get so far before Alice would slip into a vision and screech bloody murder again.

I was almost positive I was going to get a headache by the time this whole charade was over.

"Jas, you _need _to help me," Alice begged as the human ate her lunch.

It smelled of rotted moss and sewage mud but was apparently salad greens and some type of meat. How those two scents could mingle and the human shovel it in, I had no idea.

"Just let her leave to see her dog," I replied back with disinterest in the subject. "It is unfair for you to expect her to roam around the house all day with nothing to do and no one to keep her company."

"I'm here to keep her company," she growled exasperated.

I chuckled and that earned me another glare from my wife. "She's a human. Things that occupy your mind and interest for hours only distract her for a short while. Maybe she misses her father," I added at the end, hoping to get Alice to change her mind.

The scent of blood wasn't even being nullified by the rancid stank of food any longer. The opened windows were only allowing a light breeze to twist the strands of fragrant blood up and around my nose and mouth; making every breath a challenge to keep my control.

Isabella was about to become a specified choice for sustenance in my mind and my first kill in five years if something didn't change quickly.

"My bloodlust is killing me, Ally," I murmured quietly. "The rational is slipping farther each minute so figure something out alone for a while. I need to hunt."

"Fine." I shot her a look, not appreciating the ignorance in her tone. "I need to shower anyway."

That was a bit better than a snappy remark. "Can you toss down my cell?"

She nodded and was gone like lightening, only leaving a whistle of air behind her. I trailed behind, just catching the tiny phone as it flew through the air from the upstairs. After muttering a 'thanks', I made my way back through the kitchen to leave out the back.

"Where is Alice?" Isabella asked as I walked in the room. "Has she given up yet?"

I rolled my eyes and stopped to look at the girl for a moment. I had to give her credit where it was due; she didn't speak while her mouth was crammed with chewed up bits of food. That would only make my disgust for human substance a hell of a lot wider than it already was.

"No. She's showering."

I really wasn't in the mood to have small chat. Regardless of how curious the human now had me, having her has a midday snack surely wouldn't rectify my issues or answer my questions.

"Don't people usually do that in the mornings?"

Any patience I had was lost in that moment. My overwhelming bloodlust was causing my anger and irritation to kick into overdrive.

"She's a woman. You're a woman. We men have no idea how your brains work concerning crap like that. If she wants to shower fifteen times a day and reapply her makeup twenty more times than I am positive you will have a better understanding of it than I will," I barked.

Surprisingly, the human didn't even flinch back at my tone or words. Her tiny eyebrow rose almost defiantly but she said nothing back in response. I stared at her for a long time and she stared right back without fear.

It was different for her. It was strange for me.

Where she would usually flinch from another's ignorant remark or cower from an angry tone, her emotions and physically determined resolution showed the exact opposite. She wasn't at all afraid of me. She was slightly intrigued at something but remained quiet.

My gaze shifted to the door and then back at her. Her eyes flickered upstairs as the shower turned on and then back to meet mine again.

"Your eyes are black as coal," she remarked almost demurely.

I laughed and it brought out a smile from her. She didn't realize the irony in the situation at all.

"Your blood is like cocaine candy." Another smile had me moving closer to the table where she sat. "You might be his personal drug but for me you're just a drug I crave."

"Cocaine candy?"

I tilted my head and nodded. "A poison wrapped in a pretty package. At first it's just the rush mixed with the beauty. Once you're hooked the package is lost and all you're left with is the poison to keep you running."

"So you're the addict itching for a fix," she replied.

Her tone was so soft, caring, even understanding. There was no pity, no discourage, no disappointment.

I felt like I had been slapped. "I need to hunt."

Her chair slid back and she stood up without a word. The human was making it worse and she didn't even realize her mistake. The predator in me watched her move toward the sink and then rinse off her plate before sticking it into the dishwasher we barely used.

_Twitch. Swish. Pulse. Pump. Flip. _

My instincts were screaming at me to attack and feed. My eyes, ears and nose caught every movement, sound and scent of the prey.

I knew I was in trouble. Or she was in trouble. It was touch and go.

"Jasper go hunt. You're watching me like an eagle would a mouse. It's a bit unnerving."

"I am hunting," I replied, the silky tone to my voice coming out full force.

She walked around me slowly, brown eyes connecting with mine and keeping their purpose. Emotions swirled about between each and slammed into my body. She wasn't afraid.

Where was the fun in that?

_Breath. Pulse. Blink. Twitch. _

The human refused to wave her gaze on me as she walked toward the back door. She wasn't stupid in how she should approach something dangerous.

Turning her back on me would be fatal.

Breaking her gaze locked onto mine would be detrimental.

She still wasn't afraid. I suddenly found myself engrossed with that little fact.

Could I take you away and un-wrap your pretty package while I savor your poison for times to come?

I wondered why Alice hadn't come running downstairs to save the human yet, but I quickly realized I had yet to make the choice to kill her. She would be seeing several outcomes and making a false move to protect the human could push me into attacking quicker.

Impulse pushed me. Nature ruled me. Instincts decided for me.

Make a choice…

The human's arm flung out and I was by her side in a millisecond. She grabbed the doorknob and swung the door open quickly, stepping aside and backing against the wall. She still wasn't cowering from me or afraid but she knew what to do.

She did have self preservation. She wasn't at all stupid.

The fresh air rushed in around us both, slamming my mindset back into reality and removing the sweetened smell of her blood from the room. I looked down at her and she has a small smile playing on her lips.

"Hunt, Jasper."

_Thump. Thump. Thump. Blink. Breathe. _

"I won't say a word," she told me quietly, repeating my words from the night before.

"I don't care what they think," I spat through my clenched teeth.

"I do. Hunt."

It had come out as a demand that time. Her fear still hadn't picked up but she was starting to get a bit nervous. Without another word, I was out the door and into the back yard at full speed, slamming into the forest and shredding the shrubs I had run through.

Two sighs sounded from the house and the back door slammed shut. Relief flooded me from Alice and Isabella's emotions centered on a confusing mix of things. It almost seemed as though she was trying to convince herself she was okay.

She was just barely.

The fear finally slammed into me from the human. Either she was incredibly late on her reactions or she really knew how to hide emotions and center herself into what she wanted.

Peel back the layers to find the prize.

Four heartbeats caught my attention southeast of my position. By the rhythmic thumps and tones I knew it was a small herd of deer without even scenting the air. They tasted horrible and would never be my first choice for a hunt but I was in no position to choose what I feasted on in that moment nor did I have the appropriate amount of time needed to find something more satisfying.

It didn't matter. It all tasted like dulled rotten human blood anyway. Even the carnivores held no interest to my tastes. I had been spoiled with human blood for too many years to be able to enjoy anything else but that saccharine nectar.

I came upon the herd as it started to run. Three does and one fawn. I killed them all quickly and made a nasty mess in the process. Taking my time to hunt would have left me clean and free of fur, blood and other matter but I was nearly possessed with the strong urge to rip my kill apart.

Instinctual needs were better to give into than push aside. It only left me with a stronger pull to my preferences when I ignored them all.

Ignoring the immediate repulsion in my gut from the taste, I drained the animals of what blood they had before falling back to the forest floor and covering my eyes with my arms.

A slosh-y overfilled feeling settled in my body. I hated overfeeding but it was the only way to keep control of my bloodlust. I'd end up running half of it off going back to the house, and then I would need to hunt again in two days.

God damn it. Things were never as easy as they seemed. Nothing was ever to my liking.

Before long I had made my way back to the house. Alice was standing out on the back deck waiting for me. She giggled and clicked her tongue in mock disappointment when she saw the ripped shirt and blood stains that riddled my clothes. I couldn't help but chuckle in response.

"Really, Jas? Did you bathe in it or drink it?" she asked me teasingly.

"Better than the human," I replied.

Alice nodded and brushed my now dirty hair from my forehead. "Your face has mud on it and you've got blood along your cheek."

I knew what she was getting at immediately. Isabella would probably be bothered by the sight of me covered in animal fur, blood and looking like I'd just rolled about in mud. I could care less.

"I'll shower," I murmured.

Alice stepped aside and let me into the house. Isabella was standing off to the side, leaning against the doorframe and looking at me carefully. Alice hadn't come back in but instead, made her way to the garage. For what, I had no idea but I suspected to give me a moment with the human.

"I'm not going to apologize for earlier," I told the girl.

"You shouldn't have to," she replied with indifference. That shocked me a little but I held in the reaction of my jaw dropping. "Though the blood you're covered with has me slightly queasy."

I shrugged and my gaze hardened. I might have been in a slightly better mood than before but that didn't mean I would hold back opinions to suit the girl better.

"You're used to Edward's perfection. It's too bad we all can't follow in his example," I stated with sarcastic bitterness.

It was her turn for a hardened gaze. "What in the hell does that mean?"

Yes, what did that mean?

Edward's overly obvious trickery in regards to what he did on his spare time was quite simply lost on the human. She was too engrossed with his beauty and interesting words to care about the fact that he constantly lied to her.

"I asked you a question," the human insisted. I ignored her and walked past without a word. "Jasper Hale!"

"It's Whitlock, Isabella. I only use Hale as a cover for school and appearances. To my family and to you, I am Jasper Whitlock. Get it right, child."

"I am not a child," she stated, feeling slightly stunned at my words.

The staircase was in front of me and the human behind me. I could have easily ran at a vampire's speed to remove myself from the situation but I couldn't help correct the human's misguided thoughts.

"You are a child; all of seventeen years old. You're still relying on others to help you for nearly everything and you think someone with a beautiful face and false halo is God. I must say though, the little scene earlier was well played on your part. Lucky for you, because two seconds longer and you would have become my favorite meal."

"Fuck you," she hissed.

I turned on my heels to face the girl behind me. She was a spitfire beneath the cotton candy sweetness. She had attitude and a take-no-bullshit type of personality hidden behind the fascia she used to hide with.

I liked it. I wanted to see more of it.

I pointed my finger at her face and she leaned back from the action. "See, right there. That is the woman I want to see. Stop letting the robot you've created speak your words and walk your movements. Letting others dictate your life constitutes still being a child. You might not think you are a child but you are _still a little girl. _So, little girl, straighten the fuck up and learn to get a backbone."

Her brown eyes narrowed, jaw clenched and I could have sworn she hissed. "I asked a question." Ignoring my words completely, and gave another demand.

I had to give her credit; she was stubborn and no doubt resilient when needed.

Fine, I'd give her something, "Edward won't ever change you. He won't give you forever. Unfortunately he's now put you into a position where it's do or die."

"Do or die?" She was genuinely confused but still feeling hurt beneath it all.

"You know of our existence, Isabella. Law dictates you are either changed or you die. Our family will suffer the punishment if we don't follow that law to the letter. Edward will never change you and you won't stick around once you realize he's not your perfect sparkling angel."

"I don't think he's perfect," she snapped. "Why won't he change me?"

"You're not what he wants." Blunt and harsh. At least I was being truthful without giving it all away.

"I'm sorry?"

"Edward's a…"

Alice decided to make her entrance in that moment, her eyes flashing anger and a warning at me followed by a low hiss. I growled in response and turned to walk up the stairs.

"Edward isn't what, Jasper?" Isabella asked from behind me.

I laughed and yelled back for her sake. "Edward is a liar and you're nothing more than his pet of the decade."

Pure rage flew from the human but she said nothing. Quiet murmurs from Alice had her calming a bit but it only angered me further.

Alice knew I was right and justified in all I said. I wasn't lying. She'd been around enough to see it before. Her visions gave her truth into some of our lives whether she wanted it or not. Yet, she was downstairs filling Isabella with false hope and promises of a very happy future.

It was nothing but lies. Alice was manipulating again, but because she wasn't manipulating me it didn't matter. Maybe all she wanted was for Edward to be happy and find some sort of contentment with the human. It was a possibility. He'd already manifested the lie in his mind that she belonged to him because of her particular blood that called specifically to him.

He was a bit insane and she was easily influenced. What a sad match to make.

The rest of the day went by in a short blur of time while I spent the rest of it finishing up documents, and ordering new ID's from Jenks.

"Mr. Whitlock, a pleasure to hear from you again." His voice had faltered a bit at the end, letting me know his fear of me was still a very real reality to him.

Our working relationship was an interesting one to say the least. J was terrified of me and I slightly enjoyed holding that fact over him and using it to whatever advantage I could.

"Likewise," I replied. Before he could get another word in, I was spewing what I wanted. "I need a new set of ID's for some of the family. We're going to need older ones than the usual. Emmett wants McCarty, 25, 6'5, 230, topaz, brown. Rosalie wants the same last name, 23, 5'9, 130, topaz, blonde. The rest are fine. I have a new request: one Isabella, 5'4, 110, brown for both. I need a history for her as well."

"Last name?" he asked carefully.

Jenks knew better than to ask too much about our family. The information given was 'as is'. The less he knew the better, and he got paid well for keeping it that way.

"Have two made. One with Cullen, age 19, the other with Whitlock, age 21." The only other Cullen with the ID of Whitlock was Alice. I didn't understand why I would give the human girl my human last name but it seemed a good fit for her. "I'll email an ID picture later."

"I'm assuming the rest can continue to use the same pictures I already have?"

I growled low into the phone. "Obviously, J, how long have we been doing this?"

He sputtered a few times before finally speaking clearly, "I apologize, Mr. Whitlock. You are absolutely right. Please forgive my ignorance. How long do I have?"

"Two weeks," I replied, refusing to acknowledge anything else in his words. "I'll have the money transferred. Same as usual for a set correct?"

"Absolutely."

"Have a _safe _day," I told him before hanging up. I always said _safe_ because it slightly irked him and that amused me to no end.

A short while later, Alice pranced into the room with a camera. She plugged it into one of our many touch screen computers and proceeded to upload pictures of Isabella.

"I figured I would save you the time of another argument," she explained quietly as she flicked through them. "That was sort of uncalled for, Jasper, he does love her."

I snorted and pointed at the one that would be the best fit for an ID. "Don't shovel shit at me Alice. It doesn't matter how many pretty bows and sparkles you put on it, it's still shit beneath it all."

"How eloquent," she said snidely.

Suddenly I had found myself overly aggravated by my wife's presence. I wanted her to leave me alone for a while.

"How did you get the pictures?" I asked instead of barking at her to remove her from the room.

She shrugged and perched her tiny frame up on one of the desks. "I just snapped shots throughout the day. I know Carlisle had asked you to get an ID and back history for her. She didn't even see me and I happen to be rather handy with a camera." She finished with a telltale smirk and I rolled my eyes.

Yes, handy with a camera. Our hundred or so photo albums proved that. Esme had been slightly inclined to pictures as well. I didn't need reminders of my past mistakes or how I hadn't changed over the years. I saw it every day with reflections from windows and mirrors. Everything else was pointless.

I looked at the photo and cropped it down to an appropriate size before emailing it to Jenks.

Another picture popped up on Alice's screen and it held my attention for a moment.

Isabella was leaning against the back wall in the living room, staring off to her left with her arms crossed on her chest and her right foot pressed up against the wall behind her.

Her eyes were distant, almost like she was seeing something that wasn't there. She was lost in a memory or a thought of some sort. Her eyes had that ghosted look that begged for explanation. Her body was relaxed but looked lonely and in need of something. Her side was inclined just slightly like someone was standing beside her, pressed into her side.

I wanted that picture. That was the girl I wanted to know.

"Print out that picture," I told Alice.

"Why? It's not my best," she muttered.

Of course she'd think like that. Alice wasn't seeing the story behind the picture. She wasn't seeing the questions and the explanation.

Isabella was missing someone that meant something more to her than just friendship. Her body being inclined and turned to have someone fit in to her side told me more than anything else could. She wasn't missing Edward; he held her differently. He held her aloft like glass.

"Just print it out," I snapped.

Lee. It had to be Lee.

I removed myself from the room after Alice printed the picture and handed it to me. I grabbed my cell and left the house. After going far enough from the property that Alice wouldn't hear me, I called J. Jenks again.

"Mr. Whitlock, I just opened the email. Beautiful girl. Is she Edward's wife?"

I fought the urge to tell him to mind his business. "No. She's just a new addition to our family." I didn't know why I lied but it didn't make a difference to me anyway. "I need some information though J."

"On Isabella I'm assuming," he stated like it was nothing.

"Yeah, but I need it within the next few days. A full workup from birth to now. Anything marked as confidential will be required as well. Swan is her last name."

"That can be hard to get but possible. If there are any sealed files that require a certain level specialist through government or say hospitalization, Mr. Whitlock, then I will not be able to retrieve the files without the passwords and permissions needed," he explained.

I could hear him typing away on his computer or laptop, entering in all the information I was giving him, "father is Charlie Swan, mother is Rene Dwyer. She has a step father named Phil Dwyer. No siblings that I know of. I want their information as well please."

"Will this be coming from the same bank transfer?"

I understood immediately what he was asking. Neither of us enjoyed prying into other people's lives and when I requested tracking or hidden files on people I always transferred him the money from my private bank account. No one would ever know.

"No, J. It'll be coming from my private offshore account in the Keys," I replied. "It might take an extra few days though to come through."

"It will be fine, Mr. Whitlock. We've never had a problem in that regard before."

After a few more sentences concerning Isabella and what I may or may not receive, we said our goodbyes and I was on my way back to the house. If Alice saw anything, she never said.

I could tell she was becoming slightly aggravated with the human again. I watched quietly but still amused as she tried to convince Isabella to play 'paint me colors' again. Alice just enjoyed having someone else to torture with her madness. Isabella wasn't having it.

"I'm going to the garage," Isabella told Alice. She shot me a glare as she passed but said nothing.

"Carlisle called," Alice informed me.

"And?"

"They'll be home tomorrow afternoon. Earlier than expected." I wondered why but Alice filled me in before I could ask the question. "Edward is getting antsy. It'll be difficult hiding your accident from this morning."

I just looked at her like she was simple before shrugging apathetically. "He's the one who brought the human play thing into our home. I can't help the fact that he enjoys playing with his food. He only has himself to blame."

"Oh stop acting like you don't care, Jasper," Alice snapped back. "Edward might be fooling himself and some around him but you're no better."

"Excuse me?"

She was crossing invisible lines and slightly pissing me off. I'd had just about enough of Alice and her unpredictable mood swings. I thought they lost the hormonal rages when they were turned. Apparently not.

"Stop being so contradictive about Bella. She interests you obviously. If she didn't you wouldn't try so hard to keep out of each other's way. It usually ends up in a bitter mess like earlier when you do speak but if you would just be nice and make friends, things would go a lot smoother around here."

"I stay away so she doesn't become a kill to add to my number, Alice," I growled.

"Sure, that's why I see you following her to the garage in a minute and a half."

An emotion fluttered through my wife and I found myself staring at her in disbelief. Was that _jealousy? _

I owed her nothing but placated her nonetheless. "Don't be ridiculous, Ally. I was going to apologize."

Now it was her turn to act indifferent. A passive expression that gave away nothing settled on her face before she spoke again. It aggravated me further.

"Fine. Apologize and make friends, Jasper. She's going to be around for a while."

I got the distinct feeling the fact she had just divulged was starting to bother her. My wife was confusing me but I didn't have the time nor care to sit and battle it out with her.

Alice moved away from me and down the hallway. I listened to her climb the stairs and make her way into our room. Once she was settled into whatever she was ripping into in her closet, I made my way into the garage that connected to the house.

Isabella was walking along the vehicles with an expression of disgust and annoyance on her face. It was clear she held a dislike for the way we spent our money. That was too bad for her considering becoming a Cullen constituted a massive bank account and a credit card without a limit. A new car whenever it was desired was the usual and fancy clothes with pricey tags came with the territory as well.

Being a Cullen was one thing but living like a Cullen was quite another. I wasn't sure where I fit into that category. Usually my money was spent on things I needed, and at times wanted. I wasn't overly into expensive clothes but I preferred to look good in what I did wear. I had no preference to vehicles but I liked the one I owned and money was no option for how much I would spend for it again if needed.

The human stopped at my Ducati Superbike and a small smile replaced the grimace she was holding.

"This I like," she said to no one in particular. She hadn't even noticed I was in the room.

"It's mine," I told her.

Her eyes closed when I spoke and a quick jolt of surprise went through her and she flinched before she laughed. "Bells, Jasper, I'm seriously going to get you some."

"That racer is mine. You said you liked it," I reminded her, getting us back on topic. It was easier to keep up with without it turning into an argument.

Her eyes traveled along the length of the bike and another smile appeared. "Take me for a ride?"

I was shocked to say the least. She wanted a ride on a bike that even Alice refused to get on with me. Where had that came from?

"Edward wouldn't approve," I mock chided.

"Pst, who cares? I want to ride the bike."

I turned and left the garage in a flash, grabbing my riding jacket and Rosalie's from the hallway closet. Rosalie had once owned a bike similar to mine but sold it after a few months because it didn't 'suit her appearance'. Whatever in the hell that meant. She did keep her jacket and helmet though; she liked the look of the jacket apparently.

It took less than three seconds for me to be back by Isabella's side. I handed her the jacket and she shook her head.

"What?"

"That speed is going to take some getting used to," she explained. "I don't mind though, it's nice to see the reality of my situation."

I nodded and grabbed the helmets from the shelf above the bench as she put her jacket on. She pulled the helmet on as well and Alice stepped into the garage with a disapproving look on her face.

"Edward will not be happy," Alice sad sadly.

"Edward can deal," I bit out. "She'll be fine and he'll never know."

"Just to town and back?" Alice asked.

I nodded. "Isabella can pick something up for herself for supper."

Alice said nothing else but shot a glare at the human who was now straddling the back of my bike. She seemed uninterested in Alice's presence and pretended not to notice the icy stare she was being given.

I was still confused.

I climbed on the bike and felt the human's arms wrap tightly around my chest as I started the bike. When I turned to look at my wife, she was already gone but her emotions were still settling into me. She was confused as well, slightly disappointed and a bit angry. At least there was no jealousy that time.

Isabella nudged against me and muttered, "Let's go."

We were gone and out of the garage before the doors could even get all the way opened. It was nice to ride. I hadn't had the urge to do it in a while but it was strangely calming. The human clutching tight to me was enjoying it as well, feeling similar to my emotions as she rested her helmet against my back.

That was a bit personal but I didn't look at it that way.

Just as we reached the edge of town, Isabella tapped on my shoulder and pointed to the road that led to the reservation up ahead. I shook my head and smirked before turning down it. Just before the treaty line, I stopped the bike on the shoulder of the road and turned it off.

Isabella climbed off and pulled her helmet off as I did.

"Smart, use the bike as a distraction," I teased.

She shrugged. "Actually I just thought of it now. I bet Alice will be calling soon."

"Have you called Jacob? Is he here? No. Not yet. You're future is still visible until a choice is made to involve him," I clarified.

Her hand reached down into the pocket of her jeans and she sent a message while smirking at me. I assumed it was to Jacob and thirty seconds later my phone started ringing with Alice's number. My guess was correct.

"You better cross that line before she gets here," I told the human.

A native boy I had yet to meet wearing nothing but sweats came out of the forest line about fifty feet past the treaty line. He smiled and waved at Isabella before looking at me with a bit of confusion.

"You're a Cullen I haven't met before," he remarked.

"Jasper," I stated.

"Empath, sketchy past, seer's mate," he finished for me. They obviously knew more about our family than we had given them credit for. That could be risky.

"Seer's husband," I corrected.

That fact wasn't lost on the human who was still standing beside me and yet to walk across the tiny crack in the road that served as our barrier. She shot me a look and was filled with curiosity but said nothing.

"Go ahead, Isabella. I'll be back here in three hours. Call me if you want to leave early."

She smiled at me and nodded. I turned to look at the native boy to give him some orders regarding Isabella but my attention was brought right back to the human when her hand rubbed my arm up and down against my jacket.

I moved away just slightly. It felt more personal than just an action. I wasn't used to contact like that from just anyone; personal contact. The only personal contact I allowed was from my family and my wife. Anyone else was off limits. She felt nothing but calm emotions and I was left feeling confused again. "Thanks, Jas."

"Cross the line, Isabella." She'd crossed my lines alright.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Someday**_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Except Lee, that one is all mine. **

**Chapter 5: Chapter 5**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by Becky03. **

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**J*A*S*P*E*R*P*O*V**

I had messaged Alice not to bother coming to the treaty line. Isabella had already passed and it would be completely useless for her to make the run. She hadn't messaged me back and that gave me a clear indication as to where her mood would be when I got back to the house.

My guess had been correct.

Alice waited for me in the backyard. I followed her scent trail and found her standing with her back facing me as she looked up at the sky.

"Why would you take her to the treaty line?" she asked immediately.

"Hello to you to," I muttered.

She had swung around in a blaze of fury, eyes black and full of rage. "This isn't a joke, Jasper," she roared.

That angered me. "I know, Alice. She is a human girl with a life outside of the Cullen family. We are not her keepers and Edward is not her father. If she wants to drink a bottle of Jacks and smoke a cigarette, dance on a cliff or go hang out at La Push with Jacob, it is her choice."

"It isn't her choice any longer. I can't keep tabs on her when she runs there," Alice hissed.

That bothered me. "Why are you so worried about what she does there? Why do _you _need to keep tabs on her?"

Panic flowed through my wife and my eyes narrowed into slits. She was about to lie and I felt it. If she lied I'd know. She knew that.

"Edward's worried about Jacob's romantic feelings for her," Alice replied with caution.

Half of that was true. Edward was concerned about Jacob but that revolved more around the fact that Jacob stuck far away from Edward.

But I now knew first hand that Jacob Black was no threat romantically for Isabella. She ran right into his arms once she crossed the treaty lines but neither felt anything other than a familial love that ran deeper than most. I had a feeling Jacob was Isabella's confidant when she needed someone who wouldn't judge and would just listen. He knew things about her and that was the reason he stayed away from Edward. I wondered if the rest of the pack knew as well. Apparently Jacob was less restrained with his thoughts than the rest.

"Bullshit."

"It's true," Alice cried. "Jasper, it's true."

"Edward's worried about the human running off isn't he?" I asked. It came out as a demanded question. Alice nodded hesitantly. "Why?"

"I don't know."

That was true and I left it alone. "I'll pick her up in three hours. She'll be back, sedated in the fact that she'd visited with her wolf friend and everything will be fine."

Alice shook her head back and forth violently. The anger was back and her tiny hands balled into my jacket before she shoved me hard.

"Why did you take her there? Damn it, Jasper, if something happens to her then he'll never forgive me. You're recklessly stupid at times. Don't you care about the rest of us? Your actions affect the rest of the family too," she screamed.

Something was different with Alice now. Something had changed. I could see it in her face, in the black of her eyes and the shift in her emotions. She was scared; petrified. She was angry and filled with resentment.

That wasn't like Alice at all.

I was too angry to care in that moment. She'd pushed me hard enough that I _stumbled. _She'd threatened me physically; she knew better.

Any sort of physical contact to my body that could be warranted as violent or aggressive immediately sent my senses into overdrive. I didn't like to be touched for that specific reason. It took me decades to allow my family to hug me, pat my shoulder or even spar without it turning violent.

I couldn't just flip that switch off. Violence solved everything for me. It was all I had ever known for so long and it didn't change over time. Alice above them all knew better than to assault me.

"No, I don't care about what you or the rest of the family thinks. If I did, I wouldn't be standing here wearing the Cullen Crest. If I gave a damn about what they thought in regards to my actions or feelings, then I would have high-tailed it out of this place a long time ago. Caring about them or you for that matter would entail a hell of a lot more commitment and work than I am willing to put forth."

"That doesn't make sense," she mumbled.

I laughed bitterly and shoved her away harder than she anticipated for. She caught herself easily enough. "It makes perfect sense. If I let what they thought and wanted for me control my actions and choices, then I would be just like Edward or you for that matter. I would have to lie and manipulate to get what I wanted instead of being straight to the point of it all. If I cared I would have hidden my past and acted like the golden boy of the decade to please them. That isn't me Alice and if I cared at all what they thought, I would be nothing more than a fake. I would rather leave the family."

"And you would die," Alice replied scathingly.

She thought that bothered me. I had a news flash for her.

"Dying in honest form is better than leaving a trail of lies behind for others to find out who they thought they loved was not the person who stood beside them. I care for our family but I do not care what they think of me nor do I aim to please them."

"You're ruining everything for him." Her voice came out as a shrill scream of pure rage and I automatically tensed for attack.

"I am ruining nothing. I have done nothing. I could care less if Edward wants to use her as his personal toy for the next few years before he kills her off. I have single-handedly done nothing to provoke him into his choices. He wants nothing more from her than the same thing he runs to Tanya to get. The problem being, Isabella is not Tanya. She isn't going to appreciate Edward's lies and manipulations once she finds out the truth."

Alice's eyes blanked for a moment, she was hit with a vision that lasted for minutes.

"What did you just see?" I asked.

"The family. Our futures. Everything and nothing all at once."

I said nothing because her words made little sense.

"She isn't just going to fade away. The vision of her as a vampire has never changed."

"Do you see her with Edward?" I asked mockingly. The shift of her eyes from mine told me the truth that she didn't need to speak. "No. I see. Do or die right, Alice? She doesn't get the fuckin' choice anymore. Because Edward is a selfish bastard, Isabella gets to live an existence of a constant thirst, pain and lies. He doesn't love her. He is infatuated with the thought of her and what she could become but that is all."

"You are such a liar," she hissed. "You say you don't care and then you defend the human like she means something to you. You are ruining everything, Jasper," she repeated with more strength to her voice.

"That doesn't even make sense, Alice."

"Yes it does!" She screamed. I did flinch back from the echo that time. It was from surprise but I was back in her face within a moment, growling deeply as she continued to scream at me. "Because you can't leave that stupid human alone, you're going to ruin everything for Edward, for me and for our family. Single-handedly you will destroy everything because of a useless human girl. He would have been happy with her. You would have been content with it all. No one would be hurt and suffering. Our family will be in shatters because of _you and that fucking human._"

The hard slap of her hand hitting my granite cheek echoed loudly around us. For a moment I was stunned but the swoosh of her hand coming up for another slap had me moving quickly to defend. She hit me again with her free hand and her fingers raked across my cheek.

Her slaps weren't painful but her nails were. The hits were embarrassing to me; she was trying to shame me. She pushed away from me and swung to slap again. I grabbed her wrist as it rose and she froze in fear. Her eyes widened and she realized her mistake.

"Don't hit me again or you'll find out how little I care," I snarled. "I have no idea what you are talking about nor will I be bothered to try. You're no better than Edward in regard to Isabella. You pretend like you care for her but all you want is picture perfect perfection surrounded with bullshit and lies."

"You are such a bastard, I should have left you wandering Philadelphia" she hissed before her other hand came up and hit me again.

That was it for me. She'd pushed me past my limits and I saw red, literally. Before either of us could blink, I had pulled her arm roughly toward me while grabbing the back of her neck and swinging her around so her back was against my chest.

Her other hand broke free and reached up, slamming hard into my jaw but before she could get another hit I caught it quickly and tucked in it with her other hand caught with mine. While squeezing hard enough to hear the steel-like bones crack in her fingers, I squeezed hard on her neck. She cried out in pain and dropped to her knees while I followed her movements.

I pushed her neck forward, pulled her arms back and placed my knee in between her shoulder blades while pushing forward with my knee. Her shoulders cracked and she cried out again.

It was nothing for me. All the years we spent together meant nothing when I felt exposed. I allowed myself to return to a time where instincts, impulse and nature kept me alive. She meant nothing. Her cries of pain and pleas for me to let her go meant absolutely nothing.

Acts of violence and pain were a constant memory for me, perfect memories that never left my mind. I could easily hurt her without a second thought because it was second nature that my time spent fighting had created.

"Jasper, please," she begged.

"No, you made this choice," I bit out. "How did you not see this coming? I told you not to hit me, Alice, and I won't tell you again. The next time you put a hand on me I'll rip your arms from your body instead of this," I stated, pushing a bit harder with my knee and earning another cry from her mouth before her head dropped in defeat.

"You're going to ruin us, them, even her," she whimpered.

I chuckled deeply and shook my head before releasing the pressure from her shoulders and grabbing her around the chest to pull her close to me so I could whisper in her ear.

"I have done and will do nothing. The choices and decisions they have made up until now have decided their fates. If Isabella has a future with our family, I'm going to make damn sure she knows every single truth about us all so that when she makes the choice, she knows what she is stepping into."

"You can't do that," Alice sputtered.

I nodded and shoved her away from me, releasing her wrists and standing up quickly. She rolled on her back and whimpered from the pain in her shoulders and wrists I had damaged internally.

If she wanted to talk rationally now, we could do that. My point had been made and she wouldn't make the same mistake again. In all of our years I had never once laid a hand on her that could be considered abusive. Of course being a vampire changes your way of thinking for that. Alice might be a little female, but her teeth bit just as hard as mine and were just as sharp. Her fingers could rip me apart just as easily as mine could her.

She knew what she had been doing. She provoked me to get that reaction for a reason I didn't know yet.

"I can and I will. So help _you_ fucking God if you try to stop me from letting that girl make an informed choice in her future. And if she does decide to leave our family because she can't handle it all, we will let her go without a word."

"We can't do that though. We will be killed."

I pointed a finger at her and she shut up immediately. "I don't care if I have to follow her around the world for the rest of her life so that she can live peacefully without fear of the rest of the vampire community, I will do it. She'll live fifty or sixty more years, Alice, that is nothing to me. I've already lived that over again and if she wants humanity than so fucking be it. You have no say."

I was confused at my own words. I didn't fully understand my vehemence for defending the human or my reasons for doing it but it felt _right _regardless.

For once, I wanted to do it right.

Alice sobbed brokenly, her tiny hands balling into fists and she screamed out with pure hate and rage.

"You're ruining everything," she repeated through sobs.

I still had no idea what she was talking about. I always suspected that Alice was more perturbed than she let on. Her visions put her in a place where she thought she had control.

That was her mistake. No one dictated or controlled me other than myself.

"I want that annulment, Alice. I'll have my things removed from your room within the hour."

She said nothing but her emotions were swirling between the mixture of her pain and her pure loathing of the human.

I felt the need to add in for the human's sake, my protection of her so that Alice understood me. "I'll keep my eyes and ears on Isabella at all times. I suggest you keep a respectable distance from us both. I understand that this might take time to settle but like always, the rest do not need to be involved. Our problem, our business, like usual."

I felt her anger rising but still she kept silent.

"Don't make me hurt you because you couldn't let others make their own decisions. I would hate to have to explain to Esme how her daughter manipulates her father into distancing himself from his mate when she needs him the most. I'd hate to explain to Rosalie how you've turned Carlisle's good intentions and feelings into malicious thoughts and actions."

"Sixty years we've spent together," Alice whimpered brokenly.

I nodded and sat down beside her. "And in all that time I've never loved you once. I've adored you, comforted you, protected you and gave you everything I could, except for love. We both knew this would end so let it be as it should have from the beginning. The sixty years were good. You've given me a way of life free of worry and pain. Yet, at the same time, I've been caught up in it again."

She lay in silence and I let her emotions settle over me. I could have calmed her, but I had the feeling she needed to feel it all.

"I owe you nothing, Alice, except for the gratitude of giving me hope at a dark time. I've given you that again and again, but I owe you sweet nothing now. I expect freedom of choice for my future and nothing less."

"I'm sorry."

Her voice was nothing more than a soft whisper against the light breeze but I heard it anyway.

"Why are you apologizing?"

She sighed and rolled over on her side to look at me square in the eyes. "You think you'll have it easy now. Your future is uncertain and dark for the most part. I can only hide so much before it all comes crashing down and she's only human after all."

Her words held more meaning than I realized but my patience was wearing thin again already.

"She's stronger and smarter than you've given her credit for."

"And you're running us all straight into hell," she replied.

* * *

I got Isabella's things together and packed them into her overnight bag. Her best choice would be to return to her own home before the family got back. Other than the fact that Alice had no desire to spend any more time than was necessary with her, I figured hiding her trip to La Push would be easier that way.

I knew Alice didn't want to be the one to tell Edward.

Jacob was leaning against his car when I pulled up on my bike. Isabella was murmuring quietly to him, seemingly forgetting I could hear.

"It's been nearly a year and a half, Jake."

"Your leech is here," he stated, nodding at me.

Isabella straightened immediately and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Thanks Jake, for listening. Tell Charlie I'll see him at home and good luck with Leah."

He snorted but I felt his love at the name of the girl. He turned his attention to me for a moment. "Thanks leec- er, Jasper. For bringing her here, I mean."

I shrugged and handed the helmet to Isabella. "It wasn't a big deal."

With a wave at Isabella, the boy jumped into his car and took off. "He imprinted on Leah Clearwater," Isabella told me quietly as she straddled the back of my bike.

"Edward said that is an odd phenomenon. I think it must be a defining moment when they find that perfect half that fits them," I remarked.

Where had that come from? I wasn't one to express myself like that.

"Me too," she replied, grabbing around my chest. "Why is my bag here?"

I laughed. "I think it would be safer for you to go home for the night. Alice isn't in the mood to torture the human, at least not in a fun way for you. Plus, if you wash your clothes, because they reek of dog, then we might be able to keep this from Edward. At least for a while," I added as an afterthought.

She tensed against me but said nothing. I started the bike and took off. Like before, a calming sense settled over both of us while I drove. Her helmet found my back and I felt her deep breathing against my body.

Before long I pulled into her driveway and we both removed ourselves from the bike. I untied her bag from the back of my bike and tossed it onto her porch. She sat on the steps and motioned for me to join her.

I was hesitant and she noticed that.

"Do you need to get back to, Alice?" I shook my head and sat down beside her. Almost sensing that a problem had occurred between Alice and I, Isabella spoke up again, "you fought."

"It was bound to happen. Things have been _difficult _for a while now," I explained.

"Edward said vampires mate forever."

I looked at her and nodded again. "They do but Alice and I were just convenient companions for all these years. The marriage was her idea and I just went along for the ride."

The human snorted beside me and I raised an eyebrow in question. "That seems unlike you."

"It is."

We were silent for a long time before I asked about Jacob. "Why are you so close to him?"

A tiny sigh came from her lips and I looked away so she would feel more comfortable with explaining if she did. "Jacob's been there when I had no one else to talk to. Even Charlie is in the dark about a lot of things."

"Edward doesn't know about your tattoo does he?" I asked softly.

She smirked and shrugged. "He might and if he doesn't then I guess, no harm no foul. I could always say I got it on a dare and it represents love. That's plausible."

She was right. I didn't think Edward would fall for it at all but he couldn't challenge her reasoning. "Will you tell me what it represents?"

The conversation was easy to have but the subject was tough for her. I could feel the fear and conflict within her emotions. She was barely holding on to something that kept her mind together.

I wanted to take it all away for her.

"Tell me about the family," she compromised.

I poked her hard in the shoulder and guffawed in mock disbelief. It was a fair compromise though and she was smart to suggest it.

"Okay. What do you want to know?"

She thought for a moment. "They're not as they appear are they?"

I shook my head at her statement. "I won't say they don't care or that they have no hearts because it would be an unfair observation. Each is out for their own and the ones who aren't stick their heads in the sand."

"Does Emmett kill humans?"

"No," I answered truthfully and automatically. "He does not kill humans."

"Oh." She felt relieved but that didn't mean what he did was any better. "What does Edward lie to me about?"

I decided in that moment that the discussion had went far enough for the night. "Isabella, I want you to watch more closely. Stand in a corner of a room and observe the people who surround you. Knowledge is power and knowing what can happen is better than being surprised, at least you will be prepared."

"I don't know if this is what I want anymore," she muttered. I didn't know what to say. "You called me his toy of the decade."

"Tell me about Lee," I uttered.

"No." The strength in the word shocked me more than anything.

"Then I won't tell you anything more," I replied, matching her tone of voice.

"Fine, but things aren't the same now."

I stood up from the steps, Alice's words running through my mind.

_You're ruining everything, Jasper!_

I heard the sound of Isabella's front door shutting. I replaced my helmet and climbed onto the bike before starting it up.

"Hey, Jasper?" Isabella called out through the opened front window.

I flipped up my visor to speak to her. "Yeah?" I yelled back.

"Will you come back again?" She asked so quietly I barely heard her over the bike. "I kind of like how you shove me into reality. You remind me of someone."

She again left me feeling shocked by her question. Would I come back? Did I want to come back?

"Yeah, every night unless something changes," I replied.

A smile graced her face and it brought on my own. "The _L_ represents two separate things. I see the life and I see the death. It's pain and forgiveness mixed with mistakes and a future."

She finally answered my question but it left me with more questions. "Tomorrow Edward will be back but I'll be here around seven, okay? I'm supposed to tell you about my history remember? So we'll have to do that when he goes off to hunt again. You never know if he's lurking around."

She nodded and shut the window but her happiness and curiosity had leaked out, strongly.

* * *

The family returned the next day minus Emmett. Edward had been none the wiser about Isabella's trip to La Push. I knew that couldn't last long but I figured the human girl would be able to stand her own against him if needed.

The rest weren't oblivious to the separation of Alice and I, but they said nothing. It wouldn't have made a difference anyway; we wouldn't give them any information. We had never given our family the indication that we were anything other than companions; so for us to finally separate wasn't much of a surprise but I knew they were all concerned about what had finally caused us to separate.

Rosalie traveled back and forth to Seattle to play Mother Teresa during the nights after school. Alice hummed throughout the house, occasionally going off to hunt and ignoring Isabella completely whenever she came around with Edward.

That fact wasn't lost on Rosalie but she said nothing to Alice. She had asked me but I was still confused as to Alice's reasoning behind her actions. She hadn't exactly given me a lot of information to go on either.

Esme and Carlisle went about their normal routines. I knew it was getting close to that time of year for Esme again; the time when her attention focused on anything other than herself. It would always be the same thing, she'd break down silently because of the anniversary of her son's death but no one would know about it except for Edward and I.

It seemed as though Isabella reverted right back to her former self when Edward was around. She kept her head down and her mouth shut. Her favorite words were 'yes' and 'I'm sorry'. It angered me beyond belief.

I knew it wasn't her. I had seen the fire in her eyes when she was angry. I heard the venom in her voice when you'd pushed her too far.

I wanted that girl to come out and play again.

Edward wasn't fond of our newfound friendship either. I wouldn't define it as us being close but she gave me something to do. I visited her nightly after Edward would leave to go home and change. He knew I went there but said nothing against it.

It wouldn't have been wise for him to do so.

I tried to keep my eyes on her at all times, when I could. School was the most difficult and I knew for a fact that was when Edward was most difficult. He could demand, push, and belittle without worry of one of us overhearing or stopping him, and at the same time he kept it out of view of the humans surrounding him.

Isabella said nothing to me but I had suspicions.

Thursday morning I pulled up to school on my bike with Rosalie on the back. I was surprised when she asked to come with me that morning but Rose always came to either Emmett or I when she was having a rough time with something. I suspected she'd dealt with something the night before and just wanted to be close to someone who she actually cared for.

We never talked about it because she knew I didn't agree with her choices but I'd always stand beside her if needed.

"Mutt," Rosalie hissed as we pulled in.

I parked the bike and smelled the scent of werewolf in the air immediately. I pulled off my helmet and scanned the surrounding area to find where it was coming from. Alice was standing off by the Volvo with a grimace on her face. She nodded at me and pointed to the wooded area off the side of the school.

Then I heard Edward. "You went to La Push?" he snarled.

I couldn't hear Isabella but the distinct sounds of bones popping and shifting let me know the wolf was phasing.

I held my hand out to stop Rosalie or Alice from following me into the woods. Without attracting notice from the humans, I slid around the side of the school and then took off at a speed too fast for their eyes into the woods.

Edward was gripping tight to Isabella's arm and shaking her roughly. The russet wolf was snarling and saliva was coating his teeth and lips. He was preparing to attack. Isabella was terrified and Edward had just realized I came into the area.

"You!" He roared. "You took her there."

"Let her go," I demanded calmly. "Right now, Edward."

Isabella sniffed slightly and tugged her arm free of his grasp. She stumbled away, her eyes filling with tears before she came to a stop about two feet behind me. The wolf sauntered off behind some bushes and came back a few moments later in cut-off shorts and glaring at my brother who was glaring at me.

I turned and murmured for Isabella to leave the area. She did quickly and I heard Rosalie talk her into going to the school

"I've been good about you hanging around my mate. I've dealt with the danger you pose because for some crazy reason she enjoys your company. But I will not tolerate this any longer, brother," he hissed.

"She was safe," Jacob growled out.

"It was stupid of her to do it," Edward roared before turning back to me. "I want you to keep your distance from Bella. She doesn't need your influence any longer. You've got her cursing, running off where I can't find her, and questioning everything I do."

Obviously in the times where I couldn't be around to hear, the human was pressing Edward's buttons.

"She isn't a possession," Jacob stated in a surprised tone that was laced with disgust in his emotions. "She is a woman of free will and choice."

"Shut your mouth, dog," Edward hissed.

"Jacob you can go home now," I told him quietly. He nodded at me but I felt his concern over leaving me with Edward alone. I wanted to laugh at that but I held it in. "I'll be fine, Edward is no match for my skill."

Edward glared at me and the boy phased at a run before leaving our vision completely. I turned back to Edward and shook my head.

"You might have her flying off to do whatever you want at times but I refuse to take orders if it is what she desires. You've known me a long time and it's been long enough to know I could care less about what you want. I will do what pleases me without your input on the subject. If Isabella doesn't want me around she is more than welcome to tell me. As for you…" I trailed off smirking but giving him a good image in my head of him being ripped apart slowly.

"Leave my mate alone," he hissed in response.

"Sixteen years ago Tanya was your mate if I remember correctly," I pushed a little harder. "You use them and then shove them away. You ruin them. Isabella is only human, Edward, and you've taken that away from her by forcing our life on her. I refuse to let that happen."

"Why do you even care?" he asked through clenched teeth. "You didn't care about her before."

The image of her leaning against the wall floated into my mind; the girl who was missing someone and had memories to share but was too afraid to speak out.

I could be an evil, ignorant, self-serving bastard most times but I wanted to give that human the choice. She felt important.

I cared. It felt impossible but I did. The realization came with a smirk from Edward.

"Has the stone wall you've built suffered a crack?" he provoked.

I ignored him and turned away. "I'll see her later tonight unless she tells me to leave. You'd better be gone when I arrive," I stated.

I found Isabella at her locker. Her eyes were slightly red but she was doing better. Rosalie was off to the side, watching us carefully but not saying a word.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

She shrugged and nodded. "Sure, he didn't mean it."

Those last four words sent my anger spinning. "He could have hurt you," I pointed out.

Again, an indifferent shrug came forth. "He was angry."

I couldn't understand why she was making excuses like what had happened didn't even matter.

Suddenly I found myself aggravated past my normal point. "Fine, go back to pretending like you're happy."

She didn't even look up at me and I just walked away, passing Rosalie who gave me a confused look.

"Jasper," Isabella called from behind me. I turned just slightly; the hallways were pretty well cleared of humans now. "Are you coming tonight?"

It took me a minute to think about her question. I wanted to. I would have.

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't feel like dealing with Bella tonight," I replied before turning and continuing to walk away.

_I cared. I was scared. _


	6. Chapter 6

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 6: Chapter 6**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by Becky03.**

**J*A*S*P*E*R*P*O*V**

Three days passed by uneventfully. When Sunday rolled around, Edward sulked about the house like a petulant child that had his favorite toy taken away. I guess in a way it had. The human's father decided she was spending too much time on Edward and needed to take a weekend away from him to be with her _other _friends.

By _other,_ he meant the wolf pack. I tended to agree with Charlie, but it had also been three days since she'd graced my presence as well.

I was still angry at her. I felt as though she was giving Edward the justification he needed to continue controlling her and making her do as he pleased. It was unfair to her. It seemed as though in his presence, the people around her were lost in the midst of it all. She needed to have her eyes peeled open to see the faucets of running truths around her.

I wanted her to see the truth of us all.

Alice still refused to acknowledge me, even when asked a direct question about me she would simply ignore whoever had asked the question in the first place. It was quite apparent that she was holding a hard grudge for my decision for the annulment of our marriage.

Tough shit.

Currently I was sitting in the living room with Carlisle and Alice, watching the news broadcast on the television. There was nothing of importance on but we kept a close watch for anything that could be considered actions of our kind. Especially if it was too close to home than it would need to be taken care of immediately.

Alice tensed in the chair across from the couch, slipping into a vision. Edward muttered, 'finally' from upstairs.

"Don't bother," Alice snapped when she came out of it. "Charlie doesn't want to see your face today."

Now it made sense. Isabella was off the reservation and away from the wolves. She was back in Alice's sights and Edward's claws.

I wanted to gag.

Edward slipped into the room with a grimace on his face. "Because he thinks I'm no good for Bella," he stated, directing his comment to Carlisle.

I got the gist of the conversation but it still pissed me off. "The rest of us aren't mind readers. We prefer to have conversations aloud," I muttered.

Carlisle shot me an apologetic glance and Edward glared spitefully while throwing off waves of anger and loathing. He was still holding a grudge as well but I could care less of his thoughts and feelings concerning me.

"What have you done that has given him the impression that you're a bad influence?" Carlisle pressed, looking at his first son like nothing he could do was wrong. "Certainly the family's name should be enough for him to know we would cause no ill will to the child."

"Except taking her humanity away," Rosalie chimed in from upstairs in her room.

I held back the chuckle as Carlisle frowned. She said it so sweetly, another reminder to the man who sired her that she had yet to forgive him for his good intentions and compassionate heart.

Edward shrugged and appeared to look confused. He was putting on the best act of his life for Carlisle. He could do no wrong being the golden child and all that useless nonsense.

"Maybe he sees a change in his daughter that he doesn't like," I volunteered.

Edward growled a low warning and Carlisle shook his head for him to stop but the growl from Edward told me I hit the mark with my words.

That was exactly it. I was positive Charlie saw the same Isabella I did when Edward wasn't around. She wasn't so careful with her words and opinions. She was more outgoing and less reserved in her actions. There was fire behind her gaze when challenged and a mind so filled with depth you could get lost trying to figure it out.

When Edward walked in the door, it was all lost.

"Jasper, you should hunt," Carlisle told me quietly, still trying to defuse the situation between Edward and me.

We were locked in equal glares of hate. He feared me though, that was his mistake. I knew he would never challenge me if it came down to it because he knew I was better, stronger, faster, and smarter with more experience in my pinky than he had in his whole body.

Edward's jaw clenched at my thoughts but he said nothing. Alice felt a strong wave of confusion and that caught his attention for a moment.

"We don't get mail on Sundays," he told her quietly.

"Jenks?" she asked me, her first words to me in days.

I refused to answer her in the open ears of our family. It was none of their business what I did and did not do regarding J and our dealings together. It came out of my personal bank account that was not gained from the Cullen's, so I owed them no explanations in that regard.

An hour later, the sound of a car cornering our driveway had me out of my chair and out the door. No one followed me, they knew better. I knew from previous personal experience that the person waiting for me at the end of the driveway was just a drop off man for Jenks. They would have no idea what was in the folder and my mind was focusing on old war poems to keep Edward out.

I was down the driveway in mere seconds, slowing before the corner and walking around it at a human's pace. The driver of the car was no more than twenty five years old. He was nervous as hell and kept glancing down at the folder in the seat beside him. It had to be his first drop off.

I chuckled internally, knowing the way J worked. If the human could handle making a private drop to one of J's most intimidating and sometimes downright terrifying clients, than he could handle just about any of the rest.

I tapped on the window lightly and the human jumped in his seat as fear coursed through him.

"Whitlock?" he asked, managing to get the word out without stuttering.

"Yes," I replied, my voice hard and cold.

J owed me for this moron. I could swear he pissed himself because the slight stench of urine reached my nostrils and I stepped back just enough to remove my sensitive senses from the offending smell. He thrust out the folder sized manila envelope and I grabbed it quickly before nodding my head in the direction for him to leave. He sped out of there like a bat out of hell and his emotions didn't calm until I couldn't hear his car anymore. I found it slightly amusing. I always wondered what J told them about me that made them so terrified whenever one of them showed up.

I put the fear of God in Jenks whenever it was necessary and I was damn sure he transferred that over into them as well.

I needed to be far enough away from the house that when I read whatever documents were inside, Edward wouldn't get a read on my thoughts.

Without going back to the house, I ran aimlessly through the forest, not making any direct decisions as to where I would end up. I came to a spot I recognized and stopped, looking through the trees for about fifty feet until my gaze stopped on the house at the other side.

It was ironically funny how I ended up there.

I sat down on a fallen log and stared at the large envelope in my hands. It seemed ominous for some reason. I had wanted to know what made the human tick. I wanted to know why she was who she was and acted like she was desperate for approval and validation from those around her.

Now those thoughts had changed a small amount. I still wanted it for those reasons, but I also wanted to know how to make her see the truth in her surroundings. Starting with forcing her own truths on her seemed like the best plan to start with.

I ripped the top of the seal open and pulled the folder out. A small picture of a child and her mother was attached to the front. It was a newspaper clipping photo, black and white and the date told me it was ten years old.

I didn't understand why J wouldn't add a newer photo to the folder instead of an older one but it captured my attention. It was a young Isabella, dressed in a ballet outfit and clinging tightly to her mother's hand. There were other children around, in the background but apparently the article attached stated the studio she was training at were welcoming new members and she was one of them.

It was cute in a human way. I hadn't known she'd been taught ballet. Her lack of balance and grace most times told me she hadn't been a part of that world for very long.

I dropped the torn envelope on the ground and opened the folder. Jenks was everything and thorough all wrapped up in a neat little package. His notes were complete with sections added to reference me to the back of the file for where his information came from and the added documents of proof.

It went through the normal things. Where she was born, what day, times, to whom and even who the doctor was that delivered her. Medical records were attached but I placed them aside for a moment to read through her parent's history quickly.

They had separated while she was young. Her mother had taken her away from her father but she came back for the occasional holidays and summers for every year except for the past two.

Renee was known to have several men and their names were listed but held no interest to me. She was an eccentric woman who finally settled down again with Phil Dwyer, a minor league baseball player with a horrible batting average that would most likely go no where with that venue of a career. Phil was a decent man with a clean record who apparently cared deeply for Isabella's mother.

Isabella's school records came next. I followed it through, reading every grade she received for every year she had been at the schools. She had been in five separate schools throughout her years. Once for elementary, transferred twice in junior high and then settled in Phoenix High before her final transfer to Forks.

She was a smart girl. Her grades were good and her files from school records held high comments from teachers and counselors over the years.

I set the records down and came to something that made me flinch. Her school counselor dealt with nothing, but her therapist dealt with it all. She had been hired by a family separate to Isabella's for her to receive counseling regarding the death of someone close.

Of course there were no notes from the therapist and nothing more for me to go on other than that but the documents and copies of clippings that came after explained it all.

The picture of a boy was paper clipped to the top of them all. He looked to be seventeen, blonde haired and blue eyed. He was tall, broad shouldered, a boy just turning into a man and wearing the complete gear for a football player including his jersey that was numbered '12'.

It went through a quick recap of him.

_Lee Ryan Barson, age 17, born October fourth, nineteen eighty five. Mother, Ann Lee Barson. Father, Ryan Micheal Barson. _

It wouldn't have been so bad if Jenks wasn't so thorough with his job.

_Two younger sisters. One younger brother. Played guitar since the age of six. Played football since the age of five. Favorite color was brown. Favorite pastime was football._

The 'was' stuck out at me and I continued.

_Choose number 12 for his jersey number as it referred back to his first name initial being the twelfth letter in the alphabet. Owned a 98' mustang. No jobs to speak of. Would have graduated top of his class. Was being scouted for football scholarships across the US. _

I felt strangely sick and I suddenly wanted to put the papers down.

_Was dating a one, Isabella Marie Swan at the time of his death for approximately a year. She witnessed the attack on the night of October eighth, two thousand and four. Both were walking from a diner to their car as they had previously been at a football game that took place at their high school for a charity event not related to L.R.B.'s team. They were pulled into an alley by students of another school and L.R.B. was beaten to death while Isabella was held down by three other girls. _

_Statements from the students involved in the attack gave the impression that they 'didn't think the boys were going to take it as far as it went'. They assumed it was a prank but later found out Isabella had rejected one of the boys when he had propositioned her in a sexual manner. Feeling embarrassed, the one boy convinced his friends to 'teach L.R.B. a lesson about sharing' though again, they assumed it would be a simple prank. _

_Francis Steve Johnson later pleaded guilty to manslaughter (apparently to avoid a trial and not take the chance of a worse sentence) in regards to the death of L.R.B. Being eighteen at the time, he was charged as an adult and sentenced to ten years imprisonment. _

_The two other boys involved were given lesser sentences of battery and assault, all being minors at the time they were put into Juvenile Detention Centers until their eighteenth birthdays when they were released and put on a probation. _

_The three girls who held Isabella Swan down while Lee was beaten to death were charged and given probation for their participation in the crime. A court enforced publication ban was put in place during all proceedings to protect the privacy of all families involved. _

I flicked through the documents of the courts, the newspaper clippings and all other proof of the information that had been included. Lee's family had paid for Isabella to go to therapy since her mother couldn't afford it. Things had been kept as private as possible for the sake of Isabella.

It was traumatic. She'd been diagnosed with depression for a short while and then not long after taken off the medication.

The file suddenly went choppy with the information.

_Three months after the death of Lee, Isabella was removed from her high school, her therapist was let go and she seemingly disappeared for another seven months when she then returned home for four more months and then moved to Forks WA, to be with her father, Charlie Swan. _

Her school hadn't been affected. She passed her year with high grades.

Those missing months added up to nothing in my mind. I flipped through the folder to find medical documents stating she might have been hospitalized or something similar. Nothing was there.

I pulled out my cell and dialed Jenks immediately. "Mr. Whitlock, you've received the package alright?" He asked me immediately.

"Yeah," I said gruffly, still stuck on the things in that folder. "Where in the hell are the missing months?"

I heard him click his teeth before he sighed. "I'm not sure. I have options that we we're looking at but nothing are certain. All I knew for sure was the boy's family had money, and I mean a lot of money. Despite outward appearances, they kept their money a secret for the most part; they weren't into flashy things and being show-offs."

"So, what?"

"I think they bought her an identity to keep her hidden for the remainder of a time."

"Seven months makes not a lick of sense," I stated.

I could hear his fingers drumming on the table. "It does if they wanted her to have privacy when she went insane. She watched the one boy literally beat her boyfriend to death. They found her crawled up into his side, covered in his blood. His hand was gripped tight to her side and he died that way. He died in her arms while she screamed for help. It was a brutal attack on a young man who had potential to make something great of himself. She watched it all and she could not do a thing."

I was silent. I had seen worse things than that. Hell, I had _done _worse things than that but the thought of it being Isabella gripped my stomach and twisted it painfully.

"I'm assuming the boy's family held a great respect for Isabella. They probably felt responsible for her and gave her the option of committing herself under a false identity so she could heal."

"Do you have any suspicious names you're currently working on that might be it?" I asked.

"Three, but they aren't looking good right now."

"Are you looking in the wrong damn places then?" I snapped angrily. I was losing my patience.

"I doubt it. We've searched across Arizona and nothing thus far," he answered quietly.

Jacob knew. He knew what happened obviously and I had a suspicion it was because he'd seen her before she had come back. I don't think she would just openly volunteer the information about Lee considering even Edward didn't know.

"Check Washington," I ordered.

"Why…" He started but my distinct growl had him stopping and backtracking. "Absolutely, Mr. Whitlock. Is there anything else I can do?"

I thought for a moment and a small smile graced my lips. I wasn't completely without feeling or character. "Does his family have a memorial scholarship grant or charity for similar victims' families?"

"Ah yes. I didn't think that was necessary to add in the folder but they have both. One at the school where he attended and a charity for victims of assault, abuse and alike for the families as well as surviving victims."

"I'll have four million transferred tomorrow to your firm's account. I want it donated equally to both foundations. If pressed for a name because of the amount, just give the initials, 'J.I.S.W.'," I explained.

"Are you sure?" he squeaked, the amount surprising him slightly.

"Positive," I stated. "Thank you, J. That was impressive work. Now find out the rest," I barked before hanging up the phone.

I stayed sitting on the log, the papers strewed in front of me as I read the passages in the article clippings and police documents over and over again.

_Young… murdered… love… brutally beaten… girl… crying hysterically… high volume blood loss… football star… younger siblings broken… brain matter… witness heard piercing screams…potential… refused to let go… school memorial… parents statements to the accused… jealousy… love…love…love…Isabella Swan was seen sitting at his grave days after the funeral with her hands pressed to the marker as she cried. Witness stated she heard the girl ask, 'wh,y Lee? I can't do this'. _

_Why, Lee? I can't do this… _

Those words rung in my mind as I stared at the house again. The sounds of someone deep in the forest had me picking up the scattered papers quickly but the first arrival of bitter werewolf had me not caring in the slightest.

Jacob walked through the thickets in his human form. Surprisingly, he was actually wearing clothes and shoes instead of his usual cut-offs and sandals.

"You know, huh?" he asked quietly, staring at the opened folder on the log.

I said nothing, just tilted my head to look back where Isabella was now singing softly inside her house fifty feet away.

"She loved him as much as she could for being so young. Innocence is something we all lose at one point or another but she didn't deserve to have it ripped away so violently. She's still the same girl though, underneath the mask of it all."

"She hides and pretends because she thinks she caused it," I realized.

Jacob shrugged and sat down at the other end of the log. "I think that's only part of it. When I saw her in Seattle that day, with that group of people, she was different than she is even now. She was quiet and cried even if you mentioned a word that started with the letter L."

"Group of people?" I asked confused.

He looked as confused as I felt but explained anyway. "When I called her Bells, she tensed up and looked like she was going to run. The older woman in the group was talking quietly to her and called her Marie Belle but you could tell it was for the sake of the others around. She pushed her towards me but kept an eye on us while we talked. I don't know who they were but Bells seemed at ease with them." I made a mental note to call J back about the name.

We were silent for a moment before he continued.

"I saw her twice after that but she told me not to tell Charlie, that it would only hurt him to know what happened in Phoenix. She was always so careful about keeping Charlie happy because she wanted him to think she was always happy. She loves him so much." I had a feeling Charlie probably did know. He had access to something's with his job. I could see a tear gathering in Jacob's eye but he shook his head and continued. "Anyway, I called the home where she was staying with these people but they said Marie Belle had gone home to be with her family. I didn't push and I couldn't just go ask Charlie without raising suspicions. Then one day, she was here in Forks and she showed up on my doorstep with this smile on her face."

"How did she find out about the wolves?" I asked as an afterthought.

He chuckled. "We always spent summers together as kids. She was around when the crazy elders told their stories or had a bit too much whiskey in their drinks. That wouldn't have made a difference though except she was there when Seth phased for the first time after Leah punched him in the shoulder. It pushed his aggression into a stage where it started the process of the change. Bella watched it happen that second weekend she was home. Then she met your brother and you know the rest."

Well I knew part of it for sure but the rest was unimportant now. Things made sense that hadn't before. Edward was as bad as I had thought and Isabella would feel protected by him in a way but terrified all the same. "What are you doing here?" I asked him.

He shrugged and stood up. "I come to check on her at least once a day. She's like my little sister even if she is older than me," he added with a chuckle.

The phone in my pocket started ringing. I pulled it out to see Isabella's number staring back at me. I didn't know what to do. Jacob was here and Alice couldn't see me. As soon as he left, I would be open season again.

I wasn't ready for that just yet.

He seemed to see the conflict on my face. He was older beyond his years and I respected him for that. "I can stay out here if you want. It keeps me involved in the situation."

I still wasn't sure where their information about us came from but I wasn't going to question it now.

"Hello," I murmured into the phone.

"Jas," she replied, her voice a smile. _Jas _didn't sound so horrific when it came from her mouth. "What are you doing today?"

"Not a whole lot," I replied cautiously.

"Come see me?"

"Be there in five," I told her before hanging up the phone.

Jacob stared at me for a long time before he finally spoke. "Edward doesn't love her does he?"

"He's infatuated with the idea of her," I replied. That much was true.

His eyes narrowed and his anger welled. "Should I be worried?"

I looked at him and sent him waves of trust and sincerity as I spoke. "I can be your worst fucking nightmare or your best ally. I'm known to be overly harsh, a bit ignorant and downright forceful when it's needed. I refuse to hold back on account of someone else's feelings and I don't put up a fake front to please those around me."

"So…"

"She's different. She makes me stop and think even if I react bluntly in the end. I will give her the choice with anything she wants because she deserves that even if it isn't what everyone else wants."

His brown eyes met my golden ones and he sighed again. "I think she picked the wrong Cullen."

I laughed. "I'm not at all in love with the human girl and she isn't in love with me. I care for her now, I want to protect her and show her the things she hides from but love is not something that will ever happen, that puts me in an awkward position," I explained. "I'm also a Whitlock."

His eyebrow rose at my statement but he said nothing.

I heard Isabella telling her father I was coming over in a few moments and I said my goodbyes to Jacob and asked him to destroy the folder for me before walking through the side of the woods and coming out down the street away from her house. I made my way back to her front yard quick enough. She was sitting on her porch swing smiling at me as I came into her sight.

"You couldn't have been too far away," she observed.

I shrugged and sat down beside her. "Just taking a run through the woods when you called."

"How was Edward today?" she asked before snickering at my expression. "I see. He's such a baby at times."

I watched her smile as she stared at the sky and felt her calming emotions settle over my raging ones. "Do you meditate?" I asked randomly. Surprised at my question, she only nodded in response. "Explains why you are always so calm."

"Not always," she mumbled.

"Isabella, I need you to do something for me okay?" When she nodded I continued. "You need to stop letting Edward walk all over you and controlling you. You're giving him all the permission he needs to make it worse. I don't know how much you know about the others."

"What others?" she demanded suddenly, her voice filled with rage.

I chuckled and leaned forward on the bench. "Well, there's one in Seattle, one in Denali…"

"Stop, don't say another thing," she muttered. "Tanya?" I nodded and she rolled her eyes. "Can he ever tell the truth? _I'm a virgin, I love only you, you're so perfect for me_," she mimicked Edward's voice perfectly. "Has he gone to them since being with me?"

"No, not yet," I replied. "Every one of them serves a different purpose for Edward. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose have no idea that I know anyway."

She looked at me with an eyebrow raised in question but I had no desire to explain it further in that moment. "Any other humans?" She asked quietly.

For a moment I looked at her blankly, not giving her a yes or no expression or answer. "I think if you want all your questions answered, you should go directly to Edward."

She tapped her fingers on the arm of the bench swing. "He follows me around constantly. He's searched my things and has your ex-wife keep a constant tab on me. The only place I feel safe is on the reservation because he can't get me there, it's too dangerous. I don't know how I put myself here. And now, because I know the truth, I can't just walk away from it all."

"Yes you can," I stated.

"How?" Her voice was cracking, almost pleading.

"If this isn't the life you want, I'll make sure you get the life you do. I can only help so far. If someone were alerted to your presence in our family, then choices change."

Her eyes met mine and she grabbed my hand that was resting on my knee, squeezing it tight. Warmth spread up my arm but I didn't remove it from her grasp.

"I feel safe with you too," she muttered afterward.

I looked over at her and smirked. "You should. I might have impulse issues but I'm the most calculative of them all."

"Will you tell me about your life now?"

I nodded and after making sure her father was fully engrossed in the show he was watching, I turned back to the human. I explained my time in the civil war, how I'd enlisted far too young but they had never known. I went through my ranks and the things I had done. Her emotions for the most part circled around being impressed with it all but stayed quiet through my story.

"I was riding back and suddenly there were three women just standing in the middle of the road. I had no idea who they were and I had been raised to respect a woman, to offer assistance, even if they scared the shit out of me."

I had told the story so many times before that the words just flowed without me even stopping to really think about what I was saying. I didn't care what others thought about my life before the Cullens, it made me who I was now.

I delved into my first meeting with Maria, Nettie, and Lucy, explaining my change, the burn and how I woke up to a ten year old boy being shoved at me to drink from. I didn't hold back on the details of the vampire wars I participated in nor did I hide the things I had done for Maria and the others. I told her about Peter and Charlotte and the story of how they came back for me at the worst but best of times.

"Killing must be easy for you," she observed quietly when I had finished.

"It's as easy as breathing if I'm provoked enough," I answered honestly. "I don't pretend to be the good vampire like the rest of them. I follow the diet and the rules put forth but I will leave any time if I feel it's needed or warranted for me to do so. I have another family that I care for on a deeper level than even the Cullens but I feel indebted to Carlisle for all he has done for me."

"Peter and Charlotte."

"Yeah. He's a cocky asshole with a sarcastic nature. He's a lot like me and doesn't care a bit for my lifestyle. Which he isn't afraid to tell me, either," I added bitterly. "Charlotte's a tiny little thing with a hard bite and a snake's tongue but she's loyal and holds her family close."

"You love them." She giggled.

I shot her a look and she shrugged. "Maybe...in a way. Love is a strong word to use for anything. I don't throw it around too often because it makes it seem less important when someone does."

"I never loved Edward," she told me quietly. "Adored him, yes. Admired him, sure. But loved him? Never. I've known love and he isn't it."

I sighed and leaned back again to look at her. "You're young and impressionable. This supernatural being with a beautiful face swooped into your world and told you this incredible story about vampires, mating and love. What girl at your age, having gone through what you did, wouldn't have immediately jumped on that bandwagon?"

She blinked for a moment, processing my words. "What do you mean, 'having gone through what you did'?"

I swallowed the venom that had pooled in my mouth. I felt no bloodlust rising but the venom was a constant anyway. I turned to look at her and took a breath before spewing the truth.

"I know who he was. I know what happened and nothing could ever justify what they did but it wasn't your fault. Stop trying to be what you think you need to be so you can gain forgiveness for a mistake that wasn't even of your causing."

I pulled out the picture I had Alice print off for me out of my back pocket. I had kept it with me as a reminder of sorts. I unfolded it and handed it to her.

"There is the girl I want to know. She's felt pain and suffering. She has lived, loved and lost. You miss him every day and that picture proves it all. Tell me why you hide it all."

Her panic had picked up and her breathing was labored. She tossed the picture at me and stood up quickly. "You have no idea what you are talking about."

"Lee Ryan Barson. He was seventeen years old…"

"Stop," she hissed. "How do you even know that?"

"I had my contacts look into your records. I wanted to know what you were hiding from us."

Her face blanched before her rage boiled over. "Leave, right now."

"Isabella," I started.

"How dare you do that to me? Is there no privacy or respect in your world? Leave and don't come back."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Someday**_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by Becky03. **

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**B*E*L*L*A*P*O*V**

"If I go, Isabella, I will not be coming back," he told me quietly, keeping his voice down so we wouldn't alert Charlie inside.

I was standing still, my hands shaking. I wasn't sure if I was more angry or scared.

_Lee._

"You're confused," Jasper whispered.

"Why?" I asked him again.

I saw something flash behind his eyes. He was a soulful person, quiet but dominating. Rarely did he show emotion and for being an empathetic person, it was sort of sad in a way. I enjoyed being around Jasper. He wasn't afraid to take my head and slam it into the wall of truth before telling me to grow the hell up, yet here we were again.

Because I was scared.

My hand gripped onto my hip, covering the tattoo with my fingers and pressing hard. It was my reminder, it was my pain but it was the truth and a future. He had grabbed me one last time. His grip was so tight it left finger shaped bruises for a month after he was gone...

"_Come on," he nudged playfully. Lee pulled me along the sidewalk, teasing lightly about the dance next week. "Please?"_

"_Don't make me go, Lee, I hate dancing," I begged.._

_He pulled me back close and kissed below my ear before whispering, "But you look so good doing it."_ _I shivered and he smiled against my skin, knowing he had me caught._

"Isabella, where did you go?" Jasper asked, his face close to mine, sweet breath fanning my face.

I pushed my hands against his chest and made him move away from me. "I don't want to talk about Lee. I did enough of that before I came here. You had no right," I hissed, shaking the memory of that night from my mind.

So many things had happened that night. Everything changed. Nothing would ever the same. _I could never be the same._

"I'm sorry," he murmured, his eyes were downcast. I had a feeling Jasper didn't apologize very often unless he meant it.

It wasn't in his nature to apologize for his actions. The short time I had spent with him gave me the impression that he lived for no one but himself. He worked only to please himself. And Jasper had no issue with letting all those around him know it as well.

That was why I liked him so damn much. He forced me to be who I used to be. He brought out emotion and reactions that no one had been able to bring out in me for so damn long.

He was bad for me.

He was good for me.

I wanted him to _see me like no one else could see me._

There was no romanticism involved in the situation at all. Jasper was like the black to the white, a breath of fresh air in a crowded room, or a single star in a black sky.

He was different.

I was trying to fool myself. I was lying to myself. Never in my life had I ever been so grateful of the meditation techniques I had learned during my time at the _home. _It gave me a way to keep myself centered and calm, even if my mind was raging in a thousand different directions. Jasper never fully got a grasp on my emotions because I kept my mind and body focused while the storm raged within.

Jasper entranced me with his 'I don't give a shit' attitude. My attention now settled to the way he cornered himself to observe all those around him. When he was quiet I wanted to hear what he was thinking.

I enjoyed having him around because he let me be me without fear of judgement or punishment. He gave me choices and showed me the differences.

It didn't make a single difference because no matter how I viewed Jasper, he only looked at me like a child; a waste of space that occasionally gave him entertainment if he could get the toy riled up enough. It was sad really. I nearly always let him do it.

"Isabella," he growled to get my attention again.

"What?" I barked.

"Do you think that being the perfect teenager, daughter, girlfriend, student and friend is going to make a difference about what happened to Lee?"

The name coming from his mouth was like a slap in the face.

"Stop it," I begged. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

Marie Belle Swans. There was no way in hell Jasper knew the truth of it all. His information was obviously missing the pieces because Marie Belle Swans was now considered dead before she ever really lived.

"Then tell me," he demanded forcefully.

"I can't," I mumbled. "No one would understand. They'd blame me. They _do_ blame me."

Somehow along the road I had travelled, my mind had convinced itself that doing a complete turnaround in character would make it all go away. If I pretended to be someone different, refused to speak his name or act like he never existed, then it would all go away.

The tattoo had been a mistake. I had gotten it the day after I returned to Phoenix as a goodbye and hello of sorts but it was such a mistake. If what I wanted was to leave it all behind, I had made damn sure I would have some reminder stuck to me.

I guess subconsciously I knew I shouldn't forget.

But pretending was easy. Letting others make my choices for everything was easier than doing it myself. I didn't want to wonder if I was doing it right. I didn't want to feel like I was making mistakes or doing Lee wrong.

I needed to let others have control so I didn't make the same _mistakes _all over again.

"God damn it," I sobbed.

I felt his fingers wipe the tears that had escaped. It was such personal contact; I could see the dilemma written on his face. It was so unlike him. He reminded me too much of Lee in the odd way that he was the complete opposite to how Lee acted but the same with how he wanted me to step into my own.

I couldn't handle this right then. I was still so angry for what he had done. Nothing could justify his actions.

"Leave," I told him quietly. "But please come back." Things were confusing.

His hand stilled on my shoulder but he nodded anyway. "Tell me something to make me want to come back. I'm tired of watching you hide and letting Edward ready you to become another name to add to his collection or another thing he can run to."

"He called me Isabella. The tattoo isn't just for him. Edward scares me without even saying a word. I prefer your company. I miss him every day. I got it in Phoenix. I don't want him around me. I trust you." The sentences didn't go together but it was information I knew he wanted. He could easily put it together on his own.

Jasper's hand tightened on my shoulder before he let me go and walked away without a word.

_I stumbled on a crack in the pavement, catching myself with my hands. A chuckle sounded from my right, but it wasn't Lee's laugh. I tensed as Lee helped pull me up._

"_Hey, Lee," Francis called from inside the alleyway._

_It was dark and I couldn't see any farther than five or six feet. Francis was leaning against the wall with a girl I had never seen before. It didn't look like anyone else was around or inside the alley and no other sounds were coming out._

_Lee looked at me and grimaced. We had been avoiding Francis ever since the night of Troy's party when I not-so-politely told him to 'get fucked' when he asked me to show him how good I was on my knees. It was offensive and I just spat out the first thing on my mind. Francis had tried to go after Lee, their rivalry on the football field only added to the issue._

"_Damn it," Lee hissed. The night had been going decent enough. "Isabella, go to the car."_

"_Ha, I don't think so," Francis answered. "Isabella has a show to watch."_

_Something knocked hard at the back of my shoulders, slamming me to the concrete before I felt myself being dragged into the alley. I was kicking and flailing, trying to break free of the hold. I heard Lee yelling and the sounds of hard thumping as he fought back against whoever was going after him._

_A girl that looked younger than me, kicked my side, punch my jaw and I felt the air rush out of my lungs as another practically sat on my chest to hold me down before pinning my arms to my sides. The girl who had been standing with Francis finally joined in as well; kicking the side of my head and making it turn so I could see what was going on._

_A sharp pain stabbed into my temple at her kick but I was too terrified to notice. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, keeping the pain at bay and making my eyes stay open to watch the scene in front of me._

_Lee was on his knees, hunched over and clutching at his stomach. He groaned in pain and shook his head as he swayed back and forth. I had an idea one of the boys kicked him in the head hard enough to seriously disorient him._

_His lip was split open and blood was dripping down his chin. It seemed as though the blood was also coming from within his mouth as well. _

_I cried out for the boys to stop but they ignored me. I couldn't understand why jealousy would push one to do something so brutal and how the rest were just following along so easily._

_Could there be any worse monsters in the world than what I was seeing right now?_

_Another punch to his jaw made his head snap back in a sickening way, the loud popping sound told me some damage had been done. He didn't even cry out but the strangled cry that left my lips sounded similar to a broken animal._

"_Francis, man, that's enough," one of the boys muttered, looking slightly disgusted now. Francis ignored him and landed a swift kick to Lee's right side._

_Lee groaned and blood pooled at his lips again. His face was turned toward me, giving me a better view of the injuries I couldn't see before. His one eye was swollen badly, red and raw. The other had a large gash that was starting to bleed profusely._

"_Come on man, stop," the younger boy whispered._

_They realized it had gone too far. I was paralysed in shock. The girls who held me down were now frozen in fear as Francis landed hit after hit, kick after kick to Lee's face and body, muttering incoherently under his breath with every one that landed._

_Something was wrong with that boy. Something in his mind was seriously wrong._

"_France," the girl on top of me called._

"_Shut the fuck up," he snarled._

"_Please, stop," I whimpered._

_The two other boys tried pulling Francis away from Lee but his anger quickly turned on them and they relented. After moving far enough away, they pulled the girls away from me as well, faces masked with horror at their friend's lack of care and control._

_What had they expected? A couple of shots in on Lee and a quick round on me?_

"_Fucking stupid motherfucker. They called for you instead of me. I'm just as good, my average is good, and my grades are higher. Yet they picked you." He kicked him in the face again, another crack of bone followed. "You're fucking whore thinks she's so much better than me. We'll see how much she likes you when I'm done."_

_It was like the things about football disappeared when he started mentioning me. This was my fault._

_My fault._

_I cried out, rolling over on my stomach and retching violently. I heaved with sobs._

_Seemingly broken from his violent trance, Francis watched me for a moment before running out of the alleyway and back into the street._

_I screamed for help but it was so late I was sure no one was around to hear me. I felt weak but I crawled on my hands and knees to his side. My hands were wet and sticky, my jeans soaked through. I gagged again, blood was everywhere. It was pooling on the ground around him, running from his face and out his mouth._

_He had vomited blood like a fountain. I knew that couldn't be good. _

_They hurt him so bad. He hurt him._

_I screamed for help again and again. My throat was raw as I bent over him, the tips of my hair dipping into the blood on his shirt._

"_Someone, please," I begged._

_I couldn't call out any more. The throbbing in my head had reached an indescribable level. I laid down beside Lee, cradling the side of my head while clutching his shirt with my free hand. I thought I had stopped screaming. I was sure of it except there was a constant cry that was echoing around the empty alleyway._

_His hand gripped tight to the area on my hip and right above, squeezing tight like a reassurance. He never spoke, never cried and never opened his eyes. I wasn't sure whether to be happy for that or not. Seeing his eyes filled with pain and tears would have killed me, I was sure of it._

_They told me later it was just a reflex action that he never really knew what he was doing because of the brain damage. I didn't believe them. Lee knew. _

"_Lee, it's going to be okay. I love you," I murmured, clutching a bit tighter to his shirt as my cries for help started again._

"Bells, Bella, honey... Look at me sweetheart, open your eyes baby," a voice called.

I was heaving with sobs and gagging on air as the memory of that night slammed back into me with force. My hands were gripping onto something warm to keep me steadied. I didn't want to remember. I had dealt with it enough, too much.

"Bella, calm down honey," Charlie murmured.

He pulled me tight to his chest and rocked me on the front steps like I was a young child who had fell and hurt them self. I couldn't control the tears or the whimpers that were now flowing freely. I was hurting again. I didn't want to hurt again.

"Make it go away, please make it go away," I cried.

I wasn't sure how my Dad managed it, but he picked me up and cradled me in his arms before carrying me into the house. I was still gripping tight to his arms.

"Charlie, she'll be okay," a new voice said quietly. Jacob. It was Jacob. "Just give her a few."

"_Stop touching me," I screamed._

_Blood and vomit covered my jeans. Dirt and blood was caked in my hair. The nurse was trying to clean my hair for the doctor to bandage my head. I was shaking, crying and trying not to heave whatever was left in my stomach again. My head was still pounding in pain. The girl's heeled shoes not only cut me but gave me a concussion as well. _

_He was dead. Gone. It was my fault. _

"_Child, you need to calm down or we are going to restrain you," the nurse ordered._

_I pushed away from her and she stumbled back, knocking over the small push table. "Fuck you don't touch me!" I screamed again._

_Another nurse rushed into the room, a needle in her hand. Where had she_ _come from? Both nurses pinned me down while the one prepped the IV and injected it with whatever had been in the needle. The calming feeling was near immediate._

_I heard the second nurse whisper quietly before I passed out, "poor child, you'll be okay."_

_No, I wouldn't._

"Sweet, Jesus," Charlie mumbled brokenly. I felt him turn away from me and speak to Jacob, "go grab the glass bottle that's marked with blue in my Police jacket."

A few seconds later and Charlie was muttering to Jacob orders on what to do with the bottle before forcing my mouth open. Cool, bitter liquid hit my tongue and Charlie forced my mouth shut again so I couldn't spit it out.

"I'm so sorry baby; it'll help you go to sleep."

To avoid choking on saliva while fighting back, I swallowed.

Everything went black within a few short minutes. It was like dreaming only there was nothing to dream. The pain went away and I only heard silence but it was the most wonderful silence in the world.

...

Light burned through my eyelids and I moaned in pain and aggravation.

"She's waking up," Jacob yelled.

I groaned and rubbed my face in an attempt to make the light go away. "Shut the blinds or turn off the lights," I growled. My throat was sore like I had been screaming bloody murder for hours.

Jacob chuckled as did Charlie when he walked into the room. "You're throat is probably raw, drink this," Charlie ordered, shoving a glass of water into my hand. "You were out a good twelve hours."

I sat up and peeked a glance at my father and Jacob. Both looked incredibly sad and worried. I felt horrible.

"I'm sorry," I croaked before taking long gulps of the water.

Jacob nodded at Charlie before kissing my forehead and slipping out of the room. Charlie's attention was focused back on me and I wanted to hide under my blankets. I had done so well since I came back to Forks. I used the sleeping pills only if I absolutely needed to because they kept me from screaming in my sleep.

Charlie didn't know a thing about Lee or what happened to us. At least that's what I assumed. Renee and I both agreed it would be easier on him if he didn't know.

"You want to explain to me what that was all about last night?" he asked softly.

I cringed and looked away. "No, not really."

He sighed deeply, his hand found my face and he brushed stray tendrils of hair away. "I know all about Lee, honey. I was just hoping you would trust me enough to tell me yourself. Or at least come to me as your father when you needed someone."

I was sure my heart stopped right along with my breathing. "You know about Lee?" I managed to get out.

He frowned but nodded. "I'm a Police Chief, Bells. Of course I knew. I had access to your files and some court documents are put into those files. You just disappeared off my radar for nearly two years with no phone calls, emails or even a letter. Nothing."

I was clutching onto the bedspread and staring at the wall in shock. My father knew but he said nothing. He was trying to let me heal on my own time in my own way.

"I talked to Renee on and off too for a while. She said they institutionalized you for seven months. I couldn't visit or even talk to you," he whispered sadly.

Fighting off the urge to breathe a hard sigh of relief at his words was easier said than done. I was nearly ecstatic that he didn't know the whole story. Only a select few did and I refused to even think about those seven months I was at the _home._

A realization hit me and I groaned. "School, Dad."

He shrugged and stood up. "I've called you in sick for the next week. They said they would find someone to drop off your homework and such. I'm sure it won't be a problem for you to keep caught up."

I was surprised at his thoughtfulness but missing too much time wasn't what I wanted. Then again, being away from Edward for a while was exactly what I wanted.

"You need a break, kid. You've done nothing but clean, cook and hang around with Edward since you strolled into Forks. Take some time for yourself to figure out what you really want right now."

My Father was more observant than I gave him credit for. "Thanks," I mumbled before lying back down in my blankets.

He stopped at my doorway and turned back to me for a moment. "I'm here, Bells, to talk or listen or whatever. Jacob's always around too you know. And that Jasper kid seems to stick close by whenever he gets the chance. I like him more than the other one."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I agreed with him though. Edward had a domineering presence over me. He didn't even need to speak a word to have me backtracking or shutting my mouth. All he did was shoot me a look filled with warning and I just knew. He terrified me. I needed an out. Charlie was offering. It was an easy out and would only last for a short while but I would take it to figure something out.

Jasper had opened my eyes to a lot of things regarding Edward. Edward had lied on several occasions. I had no reason to trust Edward but every reason to trust what Jasper told me.

I wanted Edward to stay away but I knew it wouldn't last long.

I listened to Charlie move about upstairs for a while. He showered and dressed before stopping back at my door.

"I had to take the morning off but I'll need to work late tonight to make up for it," he explained. I felt guilty. "You gonna be okay?"

"Sure, Dad," I replied.

I pulled myself from the bed finally, stretching out my tightened muscles and wondering what that liquid had been that knocked me out so fast. I figured sometimes it was better not to ask and let others have their secrets. My Father was no exception to that rule. He was entitled to his privacy.

Clothes were strewn about my room and I thought about cleaning it for a while. Charlie puttered around downstairs in the kitchen muttering something about losing his keys. I went down to help him find them and caught myself at the bottom of the stairs for a moment.

"Dad," I called.

He poked his head through the kitchen doorway and looked at me. "Yeah?"

"How often do you _think _about what happened in Phoenix?" I asked carefully. I was calm on the outside but inside I was raging with fear.

"I'm sorry?" He was confused.

I shook my head and smiled at him to try and make the conversation seem like nothing important. "I was just wondering how often you think about Phoenix or what you and Renee talked about?"

Charlie was still looked completely confused at why I would ask but he shrugged it off. "I don't know. Occasionally."

"Like what do you think about?"

He muttered under his breath, "Girls, it's got to be hormonal," before sighing again. "Well sometimes I think about this Lee kid. I wonder what he must have been like for you to care so much about him. I wonder if I would have liked him or if he was just another Edward. Actually, I tend to think about it more when I see you with Edward because the way your Mother described the boy was the complete opposite to the way Edward is. I don't like him, nor do I trust him," Charlie added at the end, his face turning a bit harder.

I felt sick, like my world was spinning and about to come crashing down.

I needed to be calm for Charlie so I smiled and shrugged. "Lee was different. He was quiet when he needed to be but loud when it counted. He was strong and smart but laid back and fun too. He treated me exactly the way you would have wanted him to."

Charlie smiled, it made his face crinkle up with wrinkles but it was one of those smiles that said, 'good answer'. "That's nice to hear, honey."

Before long, Charlie left and I was alone in the house. I was panicking slightly. I didn't know who to call or what to do. None of them would understand and I couldn't put Jacob in danger to help me. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed the only person I thought could help. It rang again and again but no one answered. I gave up after three tries before I decided on a shower. If nothing could calm my nerves, I was hoping it might.

Edward had to have known. He would have heard it in Charlie's thoughts. Never once had he given me any indication that he knew of Lee or the things that happened before. It explained a lot though. He was jealous because he knew I had had better. He hovered because he was worried I would find another just as good. He controlled and manipulated situations to keep me from running to those that helped me see the truth.

Edward was dangerous. His words still rang in my mind, clear as the day he said them.

_Your blood calls straight to me like it was made just for me; it's almost as if it were a sign. Your mind is blank to my gift and you're the only one I've ever met in over a hundred years to keep me guessing. You can't honestly think I would ever let you go?_

He had others. I knew that now. He wanted to keep me as a future blood donor or change me to keep me around for eternity as another on the side, a different enjoyment. I didn't want either now. I just wanted to be safe.

I stepped out of the shower and heard the sound of my front door closing. My heart pounded hard and my fear picked up at the thought that it might be Edward. I tied the towel tight around me and stepped out into the hallway, leaving the bathroom door open so the steam would leave.

"Isabella?" Jasper called.

"Thank fuck," I muttered in relief.

He chuckled and poked his head around the banister of the staircase, looking up at me and raising his eyebrows at my apparel. "Well I was going to make a comment about the language but I like the outfit better. Is it laundry day?"

I rolled my eyes at his lame comment before moving into my room and closing the door. He opened it before it shut completely and stared at me for a moment.

"Privacy?" I asked sarcastically. "Ever heard of it?"

He shrugged and flung himself very humanly down on my bed. I watched him roll over and cover himself completely with my blanket. "Get dressed. I'm blind now." His voice was muffled but was kind of funny.

"Idiot," I joked. I missed having him around to make his little comments and push my buttons. "Why didn't you answer my calls?"

"I was in class," he snapped. "Pretending to be human means I can still get ridiculous detentions for answering cell phones during a lecture about verb tenses that I've heard a hundred or so times already."

"Chill out," I retorted, pulling on a pair of khaki shorts for the day. I wouldn't be going outside anyway. "You can look now."

The blanket disappeared from his face and he scrutinized me for a second. "I liked the towel better," he remarked.

I just stared at him dumbly and shook my head. "Pig."

"I'm a man." He got up and walked out of my room. I followed closely behind before he finally spoke again once we reached the kitchen. "You smell different."

"Ah." I didn't really know what else to say. That could be taken either way and I wasn't sure which way he meant it.

"Your blood," he said a bit aggravated.

"Charlie gave me some kind of sleeping sedative that knocked me out," I explained.

He turned too fast for my eyes and I ran into his chest. He grabbed me roughly, looking into my eyes and pinching my skin to look for some kind of sign of something.

"Do you know what it was?" he asked as he poked and prodded.

I couldn't help but giggle. He was so concerned and it was rather flattering to me. "No but I'm sure it wasn't anything I need to be worried about. I think he uses it to catch up on his sleep during his off days."

"Nothing about this is amusing," he growled. "Why?"

I assumed he was referring to why my Father would give me the drug. "I had an episode."

"After I left," he finished for me.

"Yeah."

We were silent and he just stared at me for a while. I felt oddly uncomfortable in the position with his hands on my arms and his face close to mine. It was too personal.

"About Lee," he pressed.

"Sure." I didn't want to talk about it again. Flashbacks weren't something I highly enjoyed. "I don't want to talk about it."

Jasper hissed and his eyes turned a shade darker. "It doesn't matter anyway; I know everything that happened that night."

"You don't know shit. Reading court documents or newspaper articles are nothing compared to being right there. I listened to him vomit blood. I watched him beat Lee to death all because of some stupid football scholarship and my stupid mouth. His blood was soaked into my clothes and I puked all over myself because of it. I screamed for a half hour before someone finally fucking heard me." Hot tears ran down my cheeks but he just stared at me like he had no idea what to say.

"Why did you call me?" he finally asked.

"Edward must know about Lee," I mumbled, rubbing the spot on my arms where he had let go. Jasper's eyes flashed to mine again and he gave a grunt like sound for me to continue. I explained about Charlie and the things he told me. Jasper got tenser and a deep growl like sound started escaping him. "Jas."

"Uh, uh," he snapped. "See, Isabella... do you see now why he is slightly fucking insane?"

"I know that," I bit back. "I didn't know who else could help me. I need to make him go away."

Jasper sat down at the table and fingered the coffee cup my father left sitting there, half full with black coffee.

"You know, this is one of the only human beverages or food I can actually enjoy the scent of. It's so deep and rich that it sinks right into my senses," he blurted out randomly.

Again I found myself staring at him completely confused. He was random at times and usually I would indulge him but not right now. "Edward doesn't threaten me but he implies things."

"Things?" Jasper provoked.

"Like that I'm his, made for him, perfect for him, nothing could take me away, no one could take me away. Things of that nature," I said in a rush.

Jasper's eyebrow rose before he picked the coffee cup up and twirled it on his finger. He didn't spill a drop and I was slightly mesmerized at his display. It was just another thing I found myself being entranced by.

Stupid, skilled vampires.

"Stop feeling jealous," Jasper teased before setting the cup down. Turning serious once more he turned in the chair to face me again. "Has he ever been physical with you like the day at school?"

I shook my head and answered honestly. "No, that was the first and only time. He looms, hovers and controls but that was a first."

"He'll do it again."

A breath pushed out of my chest at his words. "I know," I croaked.

"How many days did your father get you off?" he asked suddenly. Surprised that he knew, I was filled with curiosity as to how. Sensing the question in my emotions, he answered. "I was asked to bring your homework home until you return. Charlie requested me specifically."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course he did. He likes you. The week."

Jasper expression changed into a smug grin. I wanted to wipe it off his face. Deciding that wouldn't be the best option to go with, I sat down at the end of the table instead. Both of us were quiet for a long time.

"I'm going to need to get back to the school soon. This is supposed to be my free period," he told me. I felt unsafe as soon as the words left his mouth. "Call Jacob. He's never far away. I'll try to be around as often as possible but there is going to come a time when you need to tell Edward to go away."

"You'll be there right?" I asked.

He nodded but his face was tense. "As much as you think this might be easy, it won't."

"I don't think anything is easy anymore," I told him.

Jasper was out of his chair and beside me before I could blink. A stray tear was gathering again but he stroked it away with his knuckle.

"Crying is okay to do. The strongest have cried as a way to release the pain. It doesn't make you weak it only shows your courage of not caring what others think. There may come a day when you want to cry but you _can't_. I see it every day. I feel it from a woman who hides herself even better than you do. I think if she could cry then she might be able to forgive herself for something she couldn't control. Blame and guilt are two things I refuse to let control me and I have done terrible things. You should learn that as well."

His words were kind, his voice was soft. It was tender in a way I hadn't ever heard come from him before. It shocked me. I wasn't used to Jasper showing emotion or giving a passionate statement that showed he cared.

"Esme," I whispered.

His jaw tightened but he nodded. "Cry if it helps. Pretending like it didn't happen or trying to change who you are now to make the past go away only prolongs the inevitable. Know who you are now so you know who you need to be when the right time comes."

"You're telling me not to settle," I murmured. He didn't want me to just jump into decisions that I would regret in the future. He wanted me to understand everything and that's why he gave me more information about the family. I might not have a choice.

"I'm telling you not to be scared."

"Do I even have the choice anymore?" The question sound weak to my own ears.

I saw something in his eyes in that moment that scared me. "I thought you did. I don't know anymore and there is only so much I can now do. If vampirism is the only choice, will it be so bad?" he asked carefully.

I cared for all of the Cullen family, some more than others. I even cared for Edward in a way because he gave me a family I had never had before. They might have issues and most likely a lot that I didn't know about yet but they were still family.

And how bad could they be if Jasper stuck around?

I had yet to answer Jasper's question and I walked him to my front door. His bike was outside with his helmet and riding jacket sitting neatly on top.

"I guess it would depend on the situations surrounding it. I want things to be settled with everyone and everything if I'm forced into that option."

He looked down at me and nodded in understanding, knowing I was talking about Edward. "Anything else?"

"I wouldn't want to spend eternity alone either," I replied in a joking tone.

Jasper chuckled and shook his head lightly. "Finding the right vampire who suits your every need and understands you better than anyone is like searching for a certain leaf on a tree."

He was a vampire with perfect vision and mind that couldn't be contained. I was positive if I told him to go find me a four pointed leaf with a chip in one point, a hole in the middle and marked with a red strike along the right side, he would do it.

"Do you know the kind of vampire who fits you?" I asked as we reached his bike.

He shrugged and tugged on his helmet and jacket before finally answering. "Sure, but I wonder if it's possible for someone to love a man like me. She'd need to have a tough exterior with a compassionate heart. A strong sense of forgiveness for my mistakes and patience for the ones that will come. I'd want fire in her temper to match mine but a sense of command to know when to keep me grounded. I'd expect her to have real experience in life not an assumption of what she anticipates. Out of all the things she'd need to be, she should see through the wall I build and know how to get past it to get to the part of me who _cares_."

"She'd be lucky," was all I could think to say in response.

"No, she'd scare the hell out of me."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 8: Chapter 8**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by Becky03.**

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**B*E*L*L*A*P*O*V**

The next few days passed by slowly. I was worried about Edward showing up but Jacob's presence outside my house nearly every day had my anxiousness slightly sedated. Apparently Leah wasn't impressed with his choices but he said it was what he wanted for now.

It also helped that I assumed Jasper was prowling around occasionally as well, though I only saw him for an hour or so after school was out before he would leave.

I stared at Jake as he shoveled in the lunch I had cooked us and laughed.

"What?" he asked in between mouthfuls of food.

"Do you not get fed at home?" I shot back.

He shrugged and somehow managed to look sheepish before answering. "It's a wolf thing. I burn it off like nothing." I knew Jasper was at school but wondered if Jake had talked to him earlier. Seemingly sensing I was wondering, Jake spoke up without me asking. "Jasper's been outside your house nearly every night. He won't let Edward get past until you're ready."

"This is so stupid," I muttered.

"No, it's not," Jake growled, surprising me. "Bells, if Jasper thinks Edward is an issue, I believe him. I'll stick around until I'm not needed."

My brow furrowed in confusion and I again found myself staring at my best friend. Where had his sudden like for vampires come from? Or was it just the one vampire?

"I think somewhere along the lines of dog and vampire love, I got lost and took the wrong corner. Could you please point out where in the Hell this is coming from?" I asked with a sarcastic tone.

Jake's lip twitched like he was fighting back a smile. "I don't like your leech friends."

"But you like Jasper," I observed.

He shrugged and stood up to clean his plate off. "I wouldn't say _like_ is the right word. It's more of a respect thing."

That confused me but I wasn't about to ask and make myself look like a complete idiot.

It didn't matter; Jacob decided to explain it to me anyway. "Jasper has no reason to give a shit, Bells. How many years has he been around? Technically he's secure in his family, he had a wife who adored him to an extent and truth be told, the guy can scare the crap out of me without even speaking. That counts for something too. Anyway, the point is he doesn't have to care about one insignificant human girl who could be just a passing moment in their lives but for some reason, he does."

_Jasper cared. _

I couldn't help the snicker that escaped at his revelation. "Yeah, Jasper is something different."

Jake turned to look at me, his eyes were flashing with something I wasn't completely sure of. "We know things about the Cullens through legends and the information Carlisle has given us. There isn't one of those leeches that I wouldn't take head on, except for Jasper. He just sends off this vibe of _don't fuck with_ _me,_ and then you just know to back off. It's kind of disturbing when he smiles and it could mean he likes you or he wants to kill you."

"With Jas it could go either way." I backtracked for a moment. "You're actually admitting to being scared of him?"

I said it with a joking tone but the way Jake's teeth clenched together told me it wasn't a joke.

"Know your enemies?" he asked as if to compromise instead of saying whatever he wanted to say.

I glared at him. "Jasper is not my enemy," I snapped.

Jake snorted and bent down in front of me, putting his hand on my arm and rubbing a small circle against the skin. "Don't fool yourself into thinking that just because he shows concern and care that he couldn't hurt you. I don't just mean physically," he added at the end, his voice lowering but saying nothing else.

"There is nothing between Jasper and I," I corrected.

He shrugged again and stood up. "I need to go see Leah. She's having a supper tonight for the pack; it's nice not to have to deal with the Sam and Emily drama now. They all just get along."

I was happy for him in that regard. He had thought the imprinting thing was a load of crock surrounded by a fairytale. Even so, he avoided all females he could apparently. Then one day, Leah was knocking on his door about fixing a car and his world tilted for her. Because she was his imprint, Leah was let in on all the secrets of everything and she finally got all her answers with what happened with Sam and Emily.

Jake had kept his imprinting a secret from me until the night I visited him in La Push. I had seen them together before he told me but I just didn't assume anything. Apparently they wanted to keep it quiet until Seth phased and could fully understand everything about it. He phased that night on the beach and that was how I found out about the wolves. For whatever reason, Jacob still didn't tell me for a while after. It didn't matter to me, as long as he was happy.

"Jasper's coming now," Jake told me quietly.

I wasn't sure how he knew that for sure but I was positive it was his superhuman senses hearing things in the distance that I couldn't, like Jas' bike.

Jake slipped on his shoes by the door and then turned back to me before leaving. "I think you can trust him and that says something for it to come from me."

"I know," I replied.

"There was more to Seattle than you let on to me, Bells, maybe you should tell him," he suggested. "It would give you someone to talk to about whatever happened after Lee died."

Every muscle in my body tensed at his words. "Leave it alone. I was committed to a type of housing for teens and young women who were suffering from traumatic experiences. That is all," I hissed.

"Sure, sure, Marie Belle," he snapped bitterly before walking out the door.

I knew I was hurting Jake's feelings. He had asked me over and over again about Seattle and why I had really been there. The thing was, something's were just better left as was. By the time he saw me there, I was better, his final memory was gone and I was finally healing.

At least that was what I thought.

The sound of my front door creaking open had me looking up from where I was standing.

"What's wrong?" Jasper's deep voice asked.

I had been so lost in thought that I didn't even hear his bike.

"Nothing," I replied with a shrug.

For whatever reason, he didn't argue. "You're going back to school tomorrow right?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Good. Tell Edward there. Too many witnesses. I'll be close by. Emmett's back as well and he's been informed of just enough."

I looked at him and smiled. "Em's back?"

Jasper looked a bit perturbed but he nodded nonetheless. "Sure. He misses you too. It's slightly bothersome," he joked. "His plans fell short but he managed to get his things from that auction."

I knew Jasper was lying to me. I wasn't all sure what Emmett did but I was positive Jasper had called him back early. I said as much to him.

"Maybe," was his reply.

"Have you been outside my house at night?" I asked him later in the evening. I already knew the answer but I wanted him to tell me. Charlie was working late again, having taken some extra time off this past week to stay home with me.

Jasper flicked the playing cards in his hand, doing a neat little trick with them before answering. "He'd come into your room if I wasn't here. I'd rather not think of what could happen then. He's already angry enough but he's hiding it well."

"That's a bit creepy," I mumbled, even more bothered now.

"Edward has some issues," Jasper agreed. I shivered at those words.

...

Surprisingly, Charlie didn't throw a fit when Jasper picked me up with his bike the next morning for school. I had a sneaking suspicion that Jas was using his gift to manipulate my Father into being more agreeable to the situation.

We arrived at the school to whispers and stares. It was unnerving to say the least. Edward, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie all stood off to the side by the Volvo, watching us carefully. I could see the anger in Edward's eyes and the feelings of anxiousness returned full force.

"Stop," Jasper ordered.

Once we were settled, Jasper moved over toward Emmett and they walked off to the side. Edward approached me cautiously but I could see the amusement and that bothered me.

"Bella, how are you feeling?" he asked sweetly, too sweet.

"You lied to me," I stated immediately. His head tilted to the side in question but that smirk appeared. "You manipulated me. You knew about him and you never said a word. Instead you used that to your advantage. You're controlling and conniving. You're a liar and a cheat."

"Your point?" he asked uncaring. Was he not hearing me?

"You can go straight to hell," I hissed.

"Only if you come with me, love," he replied.

I glared at him before trying to walk past. He grabbed my arm roughly and my eyes lifted to find Jasper's across the parking lot. He stiffened but didn't make a move. Edward wouldn't do anything too serious in front of all the human students. It could expose their family and cause unnecessary problems.

He pulled me closer to his side and moved toward the school as he hissed low into my ear the entire way. "I don't know what has gotten into you but it needs to stop."

"Let go of me," I whimpered. He was terrifying me again.

"No, you listen. You're mine, Isabella. Like it or not. I've had enough of you avoiding me and hiding behind your dog and new friend."

Suddenly Jasper was beside me, Emmett and Rosalie followed close behind.

"Remove your useless self," Jasper growled at Edward.

I was pulled close again and I closed my eyes as his grip on my upper arm tightened to a painful point. "He can't babysit you forever."

Suddenly I was let go and I felt someone trying to steady me as Emmett hissed, "What in the fuck was that about?"

...

Like the day before, Jasper picked me up on the bike. Within minutes of arriving at the school, his posture and mood seemed to change drastically.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He looked at me and grimaced. "There are rumours going around. Not that they bother me really but some of them are going to bother you."

"How do you know?"

He nodded in the direction of a group of junior girls staring at me and whispering. "I can hear them from here. Also I can hear Lauren Mallory in the school as well. Nearly everyone within my hearing distance, minus the teachers is talking about it in one form or the other."

"What are they about?" I was silently begging that it be something stupid that the students would give up quickly.

I wasn't so lucky. "Lee. Others are about us but mostly Lee."

I felt the nausea rise. "How?" I squeaked out.

Jasper gave me a look and shrugged. "Probably Edward or Alice. Emmett said they spent most of the night away from the house where they wouldn't be overheard. I spent the night watching your house again."

For some reason I felt the need to thank him but I couldn't get the words out.

"Just remember, words are just that, words. When words turn into actions, then you fight back. Just make sure your choices are the right ones."

"Thanks for the advice, Yoda," I muttered.

Jasper chuckled and the bell rang. We separated to go to our own lockers once inside the school. Without him, I suddenly felt exposed. Sure enough, Lauren managed to find me.

She snickered and whispered something to Jessica who pretended to look shocked at whatever she had said. I clenched my teeth and went to move past but she blocked my way.

"Hey, Bella, who is Lee?" Lauren asked innocently.

"None of your business," I replied scathingly.

She went to walk past and pushed hard against my shoulder. Instead of brushing it off like I should have, I turned around and shoved her right back. She went sprawling across the floor with a yelp and I turned and walked away without a word.

Let her make of that what she wanted.

The first two classes were worse than my first day of school at Forks. The whispers were louder and centred around my most unfavourable topic. No one really understood.

Rumours were hurtful. Especially when they were only half based truths and the rest were just lies being fed to get bigger and bigger.

Jasper warned me between first and second period to watch Lauren, apparently she wanted another crack at me. By that time I could have cared less.

Lauren cornered me again against the lockers after fourth period. Apparently the first run in with me shoving her to the ground wasn't a big enough clue for her to realize I was done listening to her stupid whispers behind my back and rumours she was helping to spread.

"So you got your boyfriend killed, huh?" she asked with pure malice in her words. How low would she go?

I flinched at the words. My fault. It had been my fault. I had an idea who started the rumours but there wasn't much I could do now. It was out. Lee was out.

"Shut the hell up," I muttered, slamming my locker shut and then walking away.

I saw Jasper at the end of the hall. His eyes were trained on me but flickered behind me for a moment. I knew Edward and Alice were at the other end, watching the scene unfold as well. They couldn't be any more evil than in that moment. They had no idea the dam they had just let loose in me.

Lauren grabbed my elbow and yanked hard, sending the textbook in my arm flying across the floor. I stared at it for a moment, wondering if I should pick it up or just keep walking.

Jasper's words earlier made my choice. _Words are just that, words. When words turn into actions, then you fight back. Just make sure your choices are the right ones._

I left the book on the floor and turned to face the bitch behind me. "Did you just touch me?" I asked, my voice came out sounding slightly shocked yet filled with rage at the same time. Her eyes widened a bit but before she could say anything, I continued. "You don't know me, Lauren. You don't know Lee and you don't have a single fucking clue in that empty head of yours what happened to him or me."

"I know you ran your mouth and got him killed," she retorted, but her voice wasn't as strong as it had been.

Jasper was making his way through the crowd of students as fast as he could without using a speed too fast for humans or hurting one of them in the process. My eyes were trained on Lauren but I could hear him calling my name. I ignored him.

"I said shut your mouth, bitch," I snarled.

She shoved me hard and I lunged at her. Jasper grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back. I couldn't understand why. He wanted me to fight back, to be stronger and depend on myself.

Well I was trying to teach a clueless cunt a lesson.

"Isabella, calm down," he murmured against my ear.

Lauren was regaining her stance. She noticed Jasper's arm around me and started laughing hysterically.

"You're such a slut, Bella. One day you're with Edward and the next day you're with his _brother. _How long was your dead boyfriend buried before you were fucking someone else too?"

I wasn't with Jasper. I hadn't been with anyone after Lee died. I hated her in that moment for even suggesting something like that.

"Do you hear yourself?" Jasper asked her.

It shocked everyone around us. The yells for a fight, murmurs of who would win and whispers of what was happening all stopped when he spoke.

All my muscles just let go and I sank against his grasp.

"You are a jealous, vindictive bitch with less sense than a doorknob. If I had any interest in some simple enjoyment, I'd let Isabella go so I could watch her murder your ass. It's not like you wouldn't deserve it for what you just said. How low will you sink for the sake of popularity? You think these idiots care about you or even like you? No, they don't. You're an easy lay for the boys and an inside joke for the girls. Get a brain, then get a clue, and while you're at it, wash yourself because I can smell the remainder of Mike's last fuck emanating from that rotted hole between your legs."

Jessica broke out in tears about ten feet away at that admission. Lauren looked like she'd just had a shovel smacked into her face. I could see Alice and Edward making their way down the hallway towards us. This had all started because of them and their malice.

Everyone was still silent before Emmett started laughing around the corner. I had missed my big brother. He eased the situation. Jasper's grip tightened on me as the students around started laughing as well at the stupid girl in front of me.

Finally feeling that I was calmed enough, Jasper let me go. I balanced myself and stood back up to her.

"Talk about him again and I'll feed you your teeth."

Jasper grabbed me by the waist again, finally seeming to notice the two walking down the hall. He had warned me this morning but I just thought people would have more common sense and care.

"Stupid slut," Lauren hissed low under her breath.

Jasper looked down at me and his grip tightened as my teeth clenched. "Hold your breath," I told him.

"What?" He looked utterly confused.

"Hold your breath and then get us out of here," I repeated.

He still looked confused but when I swung around hard in his grasp, I heard his hard intake of breath, Alice's gasp, Edward's hiss and then I shot my curled palm out and connected it against Lauren's nose, shattering it on impact.

_Thank you Charlie for the lesson of self defence. Daddy should be so proud now._

"Get us out," I muttered as the blood flowed and Lauren fell back on her ass, holding her broken nose and crying.

Jasper grabbed the back of my shirt in his fist and dragged me along awkwardly with him through the hallway. Teachers had started scrambling throughout now, yelling at us to stop while the students that had gathered were still standing in shock.

I looked back to meet Emmett's gaze. His eyes were black but he was controlled. He had Rosalie wrapped in his arms and they were moving away from the spilled blood. I had just caught sight of Alice turning the corner at the other end but Edward, the most controlled, was watching Jasper and I fleeing from the area.

His gaze was piercing, filled with hate and rage. It terrified me all over again.

Once outside, Jasper swung me around, picked me up and flung my body over his shoulder before taking off at a run too fast for humans to see though we were along the side wall where no one could see. We stopped at his bike and he dropped me to the ground.

If I thought Edward's gaze was terrifying, it had nothing on the look Jasper was wearing. He looked ready to rip me apart. Every muscle on his body that I could see was clenched tight. He had yet to take a breath, his eyes were black despite it all and the worst thing was his silence.

The helmet that was mine was shoved onto my head along with my jacket which he just threw at my opened arms.

"Isabella Swan and Jasper Hale! Get back here right now!" Someone was screaming at us from the entrance of the school.

I was too focused on Jasper to care. "Come on, Jas," I muttered as we mounted the bike. "Get us the fuck out of here."

Before long we were speeding through Forks and then leaving it behind as well. There was no point for me to try and ask where we were going, he wouldn't have answered. I had a feeling we were just going to PA by the roads he was taking. About half way there I felt his chest contract for the first time, his first breath since the school.

His back shuddered from the movement, like it was almost painful for him to do it. I swear I saw his hands shake on the handle bars but that would have been impossible. Vampires didn't do that. I tightened my grip around his chest and leaned against his back to let him know everything was okay.

Calm enveloped me but he was still tense.

He pulled into the parking lot of a McDonalds and removed himself from the bike. I watched him in silence as he pulled his helmet off, tossed it to the ground and paced alongside the bike for minutes. During that time I pulled my own helmet off as well and hung it off the handle bars.

Finally he turned his gaze on me and I shrunk back just slightly at the sight.

"I'm not sure whether I should shake you or praise you," he growled.

"What?"

He swallowed the venom in his mouth before speaking again. "Five vampires and you break her fucking nose. Do you realize how incredibly stupid that was? You nearly pushed me into killing her."

"She deserved it," I huffed under my breath.

"That's not the god damn point," he roared. "I wanted to slap you senseless for that little stunt. Jesus, Isabella, you _made her bleed."_

In poor taste I shrugged and he glared. "I reacted. It happened. It's over."

He looked at me like I was crazy. I couldn't help but smile at his expression. Jasper looked completely shocked and lost at my nonchalance of nearly causing his entire family to have a human feast.

I backtracked again, just having a slight realization to what he said earlier. "Wait, you said: _praise_ me."

Jasper sighed in frustration and sat down against the side of the bike. I had perched myself up higher with my feet drawn up on the seat so he was right below me. I reached down and tugged on his blonde curls, earning a little warning growl in response.

I wanted more of those. That was bad.

"If I tell you what I meant do you promise not to go all smug and grow a huge head?" he asked slyly.

"My ego can't get any larger than the man's below me," I came right back without missing a beat.

He chuckled and shrugged. "Hey, my notoriety is duly noted. I've more than proven my capabilities and strengths. My ego's been stroked, groped and mauled to its maximum. I don't think it can get any bigger. But at least it's warranted."

"You're stuck on yourself," I teased.

Jasper sighed and stood up to face me. "What you did was stupid and reckless to the point of pure idiocy."

"Thanks for that," I griped.

He put a hand out to stop me from saying any more so I shut up. "Yet, she deserved it. You stood up for yourself. It was brilliant and you're going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble but it had to be worth it."

I smirked despite myself. "It was."

"That's all that matters." He fingers found my chin and raised my face upward to look at him for a moment. "Please don't do it again."

That statement shocked me and I was sure it showed on my face as well as radiated through my emotions. "What? Why?"

A conflicted look passed over his features but he straightened almost immediately. "I can't always be there to get you out of it. I don't want you to be stuck in a position where you feel trapped and there's nothing I could do."

I didn't know what to say so I just stared past him at the restaurant windows in silence.

"I saw that look in your eyes again today," he murmured. My gaze flickered back to him before he started speaking again. "It's like fire courses into your veins and you let loose. That's who I like to see. She's unafraid, complicated, honest, and a bit rough around the edges, but she doesn't care."

"She's long gone," I stated. "That girl doesn't exist anymore because she lost everything once by making a stupid mistake and then she turned around and gave all that was left of that up too. If she's who you want to see I suggest you look elsewhere. She's dead. I'm alive."

Wet tears gathered in my eyes but I blinked them back. Crying wasn't needed right then.

"Tell me why," he begged.

"I can't," I growled, pushing his hand away from my face. "I just… I can't."

"It's not just Lee, is it?"

I bit my lip and looked away. "No, it's not just him." Jasper rubbed his face before letting out a low growl of irritation. "Promise me you won't search for it, Jas."

His golden eyes reached up to meet mine and I saw the truth behind them. He was searching it.

"You didn't," I cried. "Please tell me you didn't."

"Nothing yet but now that I had the right name and area, things were coming together," he stated in a rush. "My contact hadn't sent me anything yet."

"Promise me you'll leave it alone," I pleaded. "Please."

"Then tell me the truth," he demanded.

"I can't," I screamed, gathering some attention from an older couple across the parking lot. "I promised to leave it alone so I could move on and have a life that didn't involve what happened in Phoenix. I gave it all up and pushed it away so I could be someone else entirely. Do you think I enjoy Forks? I came here because no one knew me, or Lee, or what happened. It wasn't widely publicized other than the occasional newsprint article. I wanted to be free."

"Stop hiding from it," he ground out through his teeth. "I see enough liars and false people in my family. We don't need another to add."

"I'll fit right in," I shot back.

"You think so huh?" he asked bitterly. "Emmett's going to get himself killed for breaking the highest law a vampire has to follow so just ignore the fact he fucks and drinks behind his wife's back. Rosalie plays God in Seattle with children to substitute her lost humanity and unhappiness with her mate. Edward is a top or bottom depending on his preference for the time and has already taken away the lives of three girls just like you in the last fifty years. Alice manipulates every situation to her liking because she enjoys the game of it all and might be slightly disturbed. Esme is on the brink of insanity because she hates her life and those in it. Carlisle is blind to it all but tries his best to keep everyone happy."

"Is that what you want, Isabella?" he asked, shaking my shoulders as he spoke. "Do you want to live like they do? Unhappy for eternity, hiding the things they do from the ones they love and putting up a fake front?"

"Oh," I whispered as he stopped shaking me.

He stepped back from me suddenly, realizing all he just said. "I…just…" he stammered but couldn't finish a sentence.

"What about you?" I finally asked. He looked at me blankly so I explained further, "Everyone has a secret. _What about you?_"

His hand gripped tight to my jaw again and he forced me to look in his eyes. "When you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."

"That will never happen," I choked out, still slightly shocked.

A strong wave of sadness projected from him straight into me.

"It will be a sad day for us both if I never get to tell you mine."


	9. Chapter 9

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 9: Chapter 9**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by Becky03. **

* * *

**B*E*L*L*A*P*O*V**

That was too close. Too personal. Too everything. I removed his hand from my jaw and got off the bike.

"Where are you going?" he yelled from behind me. I ignored his calls and kept walking. "Isabella, stop. You can't just wander by yourself."

No, because something could happen. Nothing worse than what already had. Screw him. I kept walking. I had taken care of myself long enough to know what I could and couldn't handle. These streets were nothing like I had walked before.

It seemed like I walked for an hour before Jasper finally joined my stride and walked beside me. "Tell me what is wrong," he requested in a soft tone.

It was so unlike him. It bothered me. "I like the arrogant, brutally honest vampire who is disgusted by the weak and stupid human."

"I could do that," he stated without missing a beat.

"I shouldn't have to tell you what is wrong with me," I spat. "What is wrong _with you?" _I threw his words right back at him and he looked shocked. Good.

I watched his face change into an expression that I couldn't fully decipher. His lips moved quickly but nothing came out. He was obviously speaking at a frequency too low or too high for me to hear. It aggravated me immediately.

"I know you have this stupid thing about not acting human when you're around me but some of us, and by 'us' I mean me, can't hear what you're saying. So if it is important, speak the fuck up. If it's not, leave me alone."

He froze in his pace, looking at me completely shocked at my words before a sly little grin took hold of his features. That grin told me several things all at once. I shouldn't have liked it as much as I did. Jasper might enjoy the reactions he got out of me but I liked his just as much.

"You're like poking a bear," he laughed. I glared spitefully but he continued anyway. "Should I be worried about your mental health considering your mood swings are a bit out there at times? You could always use the excuse of being a human, or a woman but that seems like a weak ploy to me."

He was deflecting the conversation from my question. For a moment it would work because that statement hit a little close to home for me. "Do not make jokes about my mind," I warned viciously. "I've been through enough to know when my mind is at its limit."

"Have you reached it yet?" he asked with a smirk.

Not really thinking about what I was doing, I reached out and hit him in the chest with an opened hand. It stung and I hadn't even hit him hard. I could swear I felt a bruise forming almost immediately and a few cusses slipped through my mouth. I held my hand in my other and cradled it against my chest while jumping up and down on the spot.

"Ow, ow, damn it, ow," I cried, still holding my injured hand and jumping.

Jasper chuckled and reached out to grab my throbbing hand. Both of his cold hands slipped against my chest, grabbing tightly onto my one hand and surrounding it with his. I stopped jumping immediately and stared at our hands for a moment.

If his statement before had been too personal, this was definitely considered popping the bubble of personal space.

I looked up at him for a quick second, surprised that he would even try to help. His eyes were almost completely closed, his mouth tense and jaw clenched tight. It almost seemed like he hadn't wanted to help but without his consent, his mind make his body react as it wanted.

I knew what was wrong with Jasper. He cared and it bothered him.

"It's fine," I mumbled almost incoherently, still shocked from my small realization.

"Ask me again," he said quietly, still holding tight to my hand and keeping the pain away.

He could crush my hand easily, that I knew. But he wouldn't, he was helping me.

"Ask what?"

"What's wrong with me," he replied, his voice keeping the same tone.

I grimaced because I didn't want to have that conversation. Too personal. Too close. I wanted to hear it from him. I was weak and curious mixed with a damn good dose of idiocy.

"Okay... what's wrong with you?" I repeated while keeping my eyes anywhere from him.

His voice became lower, quieter. It wasn't his usual scary tone but more a tone that demanded attention but requested acceptance. I had never heard him speak like that before.

"Have you ever had something affect your mind so profoundly you question every thought you ever had because suddenly nothing is as it seems? Has anything ever pushed you into uncharted territory or behind enemy lines and despite being uncomfortable from lack of reassurance you find yourself content in that new place?" He looked down at me again before looking at his hand covering mine. Profound change. Uncharted territory. Everything was different. "Have you ever had someone step into your life and turn every movement you make, every thought you think and every emotion you feel into something that affects everything you do and anything you will do?"

_Yes. Yes. Yes. _"Yes," I answered though I wanted to lie.

"Then you understand what's wrong with me," he murmured before letting my hand go and stepping back from me.

I started walking away from him, back in the direction of the bike. I didn't like feeling exposed as I did and I knew neither did he. That just wasn't who Jasper was. He didn't openly express himself in a way that could make him vulnerable though he was never a person to hold back when it came to the truth. Jasper followed quietly behind me until we reached the parking lot of the restaurant again and came upon his bike.

"Talk about something," he muttered. "Something stupid, silly, or frivolous. Anything."

I shot him a look and regained my previous position on the seat of the bike, drawing my feet up and resting my arms on my knees. "Mike is fucking Lauren huh? Behind Jessica's back? I never would have guessed that."

Why not indulge him? He indulged me with enough.

Jasper chuckled and shrugged before leaning against the side of the bike so his one shoulder was touching my leg. A sense of peace settled over me when his body made contact with mine. There were no electric shocks or surges of everlasting, pure love, just contentment, peace and security.

Jasper was the last person to give off that effect to anyone. Yet, that's what he gave me.

"That's been going on for the last year. Stay out of the janitor's closet near the gym. It reeks like teenage sex and hormones," he responded with another deep laugh.

I shivered. "Gross."

"Oh, and the fifth bench up out on the baseball field," he added.

"Stop," I begged. I had to sit on those benches when the class played gym outside.

He leaned back and had a smirk on his face with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. "And the first stall in the girl's bathroom along the back corridor." How in the hell did he know that one? I asked him and he shrugged. "I could hear them," he answered.

"You're horrible," I fake gagged and pushed against his shoulders. I hadn't anticipated his rock solid shoulder not moving an inch and lost my balance on the back of the bike instead.

I didn't even have time to yell for him to help. He had a hold of one of my wrists to keep me pulled up and his other hand on the bike to keep it steadied. His golden eyes were filled with panic but his facial expression was passive.

"You okay?" he asked simply.

Once he had me seated again and I could breathe, I answered. "Yeah, thanks."

"Use your brains a bit Isabella. Seeing blood once today was good enough for me. I really don't need you cracking your head on the pavement only to have me drain you dry while the humans around watch it. That would sure go over well with the Volturi."

And there was the ignorant vampire I had come to enjoy so much. Speaking of blood again. "Why did the others walk away so easily yet you weren't even breathing but had all you could do not to feed?" I asked.

A flicker of annoyance passed his features. "I had the luxury of feeding from humans whenever I pleased as often as I preferred to for many years. That desire doesn't just fade away because we drink from animals. Despite the fact the rest of them believe feeding from animals makes them less monstrous, it also makes them more humanized."

"I don't understand," I said confused.

"You wouldn't," he said with a roll of his eyes.

"I meant I don't understand why that is such a bad thing," I clarified before glaring hatefully at him.

"Feeding from animals weakens the natural desires of a vampire. It makes us less vicious and ruthless. We're not so animalistic in our ways and living the lifestyle we do only adds to that. Every day we are pushed into the human world and forced to play nice with our natural food source while we fight off the urge to kill them. Carlisle makes us all live in a way that brings forth the human sides and emotions that should, for the most part, remain dormant. We're not created to live human lives. Playing pretend with humans on daily basis just causes resentment for what we all really want."

"That's ridiculous," I spat, slightly angered at how he easily stated humans were nothing more than food to his kind, like it was nothing at all.

"You have opinions. That's fine. You're also human so you have no personal experience in the life and mind of a vampire. I've lived three lives: Human, War, and Cullen. There's a middle ground between all three that I have yet to find, but…" he trailed off uncertain of his words.

"But what?"

"But I know it's there because I have seen it before. No two vampires are the same in what they want to have and what they need to have for them to be forever contented. My friends, Peter and Charlotte are the perfect example. They've found the middle ground that suits them. None of the Cullens or I for that matter have found what we need completely. I care for most of my family, yet I feel their hidden loathing and true desires. It's a sad reality."

His mention of the Cullens brought me back to his earlier admissions about the truths within. "I want to know more," I demanded suddenly. "About them all. Start with Edward."

Jasper raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Stem Edward's issues back to the parenting he received. His father ignored his very presence unless it was to place expectations too high for Edward to follow through with or to give a beating for something he deemed necessary. Both went hand in hand. There's a man in Seattle Edward goes to who fulfills his 'daddy' needs."

I choked on air when he finished. "Like a Dom?"

Jasper shrugged indifferently. "It's not uncommon for vampires to swing both ways. A lot experiment but most find themselves with the opposite sex anyway. Edward's friend has nothing to do with sexual desire so much as his warped sense of reality. Sure, he enjoys it but he always comes back brooding and depressed at the reminders of how little he meant to his father and how he never could live up to those expectations."

"You said there were females. Human and vampire," I pushed, wanting more information.

"Let's go with the vampires first," Jasper conceded. "Tanya is Edward's representation of his mother in the worst of forms. She's submissive, allows him to belittle and control, all the while he leads her on to believe he loves her but from far away. I know Tanya will never look for another vampire as a mate. She's found it in Edward and for whatever reason, doesn't mind how he uses her for sexual gratification and a mental reminder of how women should act."

"The human girls?"

Jasper looked at me warily. "Three. You make four. In small towns just like Forks. Each was just distractions in his unfulfilled, miserable existence and he used them for nothing more than substance before using the ruse of 'slipping' to cover his tracks. The only members of our family who know the truth are Alice and I."

"How?"

"Conveniently, Rose and Emmett were always gone on a honeymoon. The three of us left were always at school and Carlisle and Esme either had jobs or stayed home. They never knew he was pretending to date the humans. Though he never told the girls what he was until it was too late. Then he'd come home with red eyes and we'd be gone within a few days while the girls parent's were left searching for their missing daughters."

"Rose and Emmett are here this time. Why am I different?" My questions seemed to just slip out of me but I was listening carefully to everything he said. For some reason I knew it would be important for me someday to know it all.

Jasper clicked his tongue in a very human fashion before sitting beneath my legs again. Like before, one of my hands tugged on his hair but he didn't growl and I didn't remove my fingers.

"You shocked him obviously. He wasn't expecting to come to Forks and have you happen. Your blood calls to him and your mind is blank, that was a bonus," Jasper explained.

His hair felt like golden silk ribbons beneath my fingers. He moved his head slightly from side to side and it caused my fingers to travel along the curls. I smiled at his movements and weaved my fingers in farther, toying with his hair silently. None of the humans seemed to notice us at all. We had been there for a while and I wondered if Jasper's gift was working us into an unnoticeable bubble.

Was that even possible?

"Like I said before, he's now come to the deluded conclusion that you're made for him."

"You don't think I am," I finished for him. Not that I thought it either but it was ironic how my blood and mind were the opposite of Edward.

"I know you aren't," Jasper replied quietly. "I tend to agree with Esme when she said Edward had been changed too young to find forever in someone else. I also believe if he remained human, he would have turned into the exact match of his father when he married and had children of his own."

"There is no good in either option then," I remarked.

"No, but death is a good choice," Jasper bit back. "Some vampires need to be killed because the human traits they carry over become warped and intensified through the change."

I understood what he was saying. "Like a serial rapist being changed would make him more deranged and vicious."

"Or like Alice," Jasper supplied.

My fingers froze in their path as well as the rest of my body. "Alice?" Was that fear in my tone?

I felt his cold fingers trace along mine in his hair. "Mary Alice Brandon, actually. She plays the pity card through her blank past. She lies. I know she remembers something, specifically her last months or so in the hospital they had her."

I hadn't been told much about Alice's past, just that there had been none to tell.

"So she was sick?"

Jasper shook his head. "Not health wise, no. Mentality wise, yes. I learned the truth about Alice's time there and her reason for being committed about fifteen years ago through my contacts. Things just didn't fall into place. Every vampire suffers some memory loss during the change, it's almost unavoidable. Usually you forget what you assume are unimportant things until you wish for nothing more than to remember them because something unimportant can make you who you are."

I agreed with his words. I didn't want to forget my human life or the people I'd leave behind. It just didn't seem fair that the memories and people I held so dear to me now would be a passing glace in the past for my mind that was only expected to fade as time went on. No, not at all fair.

Jasper continued talking during my internal rant. "I remember my last two weeks as a human clear as day. I remember the nights and days I burned even better and so can every other vampire I have met. Alice tries to play the anomaly of the vampire world. I caught her slips a few times; a name here, a place there. I don't even think she realized she did it. Anyway, she knew where she woke up and I knew it couldn't have been far away. I had my contacts work through as much as they could to bring back all they could. It's not easy considering a lot of the old files of documentation during that time were poorly kept for many reasons. One being the people didn't have the computing systems we have today. Another being, they didn't want the outside world to know the processes and trials they used to 'cure' their patients."

I shivered slightly at his words. I knew the year Alice said she had woken up. I had heard horror stories of treatments at asylums during those times. "What will drive a sane man mad will drive a mad man sane," I repeated quietly, a motto or quote I had heard somewhere long ago as a comparison to the way things had been handled.

"Disgusting isn't it?" he asked with a shake of his head.

"So she was institutionalized but was sane?"

Jasper blew out a breath and I felt his body tense. "No, she wasn't sane. Her human family gave reports to the doctor that Alice suffered from severe paranoia. Alice claimed she constantly had a barrage of images in her mind that affected her in a bad way. Some of them showed horrific accidents of people she cared about. The doctors believed this only added to her paranoia and was caused from it. Alice's visions are subjective to the choices we all make. Her vampire brain can handle the multitude of fifty different visions in one quick thought yet her human mind couldn't. Of course the doctors didn't know that she really was having visions, they assumed it was all linked back to her mental disorder."

"So they treated her," I filled in the blank.

Jasper shrugged. "That's where the files get choppy and lost. I'll never know for sure what they did but I have good ideas. Like I said, they hid the treatment processes from the public so no one would stop and say that what they were doing wasn't morally right. The things that were in the files were reduced to Alice's behavior after treatments. She was volatile, violent and manipulative during her lucid moments. Her paranoia had turned into near psychopathic tendencies at times. She'd attack other patients without thought or care. She didn't cry or scream but laughed and asked for more. Twice she nearly escaped before she suddenly went missing and the hospital claimed her as dead and buried. She has a grave her family made in Biloxi. Alice goes there once a year, though she thinks none of us know."

We were both quiet for a minute. Jasper let me sit with that information and let it settle into my mind. Alice's past could mean a lot of things to how she perceived and acted as a vampire. She was dangerous. That thought shot fear straight into my gut. Jasper moved from his position like a flash of light, his fingers was gripping onto my arm, and I realized I wasn't breathing.

"Hey, it's okay, hmm?" he murmured softly.

I shook my head. "So she's insane?"

"No, not insane so much as distorted. She connives and manipulates things to her liking. She prefers to have the attention even if it seems like the attention is all on others. Alice likes to play daily games with our family life. They didn't get so fucked up all by themselves," he explained. "A whisper here, a picture there. She brings forth memories to Rosalie about her human life and the things she is still missing out on today in the simplest of ways. She never lets Esme forget she is not really a mother to us all but more of a care keeper without seeming ignorant or ungrateful. She knows how to manipulate Carlisle's treatment of his wife. Not that he treats Esme badly, but he goes to Alice for confirmation with his wife. He depends on Alice's knowledge of the people around us. Edward is her favorite."

I snapped my head up to look at him confused. "Edward is her favorite," I repeated slowly.

"She thinks he can relate to her. She plays games and he follows along with them all. He's just as bad as she is because both are bored of the existences they have so they play around with the ones close to them to fulfill the need."

"Are they…?" I let the question trail off but he knew what I was implying.

Jasper barked out a laugh. "Hell no. Once he did try being confused at how close Alice was to him and her feelings towards him. The lesson I taught him stuck close. There isn't a time when he doesn't look at me when I can't feel the spark of fear and know he remembers. That was still during a time when I was in the dark about a lot of things regarding not only Alice, but everyone else as well."

That brought me back around to another question that had been bugging my mind. "How do you know so much about everyone?"

A smirk appeared and he shrugged. "Call some of it intuition if you will. I feel the deceit when they lie, the desire for what they want and most times I sit back quietly and observe. It's better to know the people around you so you know what you may face. Knowledge is power. My contact does a lot of the work that I can't but I like to know those around me, our family is only as strong as its weakest member," he told me. "I like to know who that is. I protect myself first and foremost above everyone else, except for my mate."

"Alice isn't your mate," I bit back.

"No, she isn't. And I've never protected or lied for her, either. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for the person who means the most to me. Take Emmett for example, he hides, lies and pretends so his mate would always think of him as she wants to."

"You'd do that too?" I asked slightly disgusted.

Jasper shook his head. "No, I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I know the only way for someone to love me completely is to know everything about me. That way, nothing is a surprise. Nothing will bite me in the ass if a time comes around where it shows I've been hiding behind false pretenses."

"So how does that compare to Emmett then?" Jasper had me confused in the worst of ways.

He was giving me apples and telling me they were oranges. Telling me to jump but keep my feet planted to the ground. Nothing he just said made sense.

"No two vampires are the same," he repeated. "What works for some doesn't work for others. Keep in mind that he is doing everything he needs to do and anything he will ever do for her so she can love him, even if it's only what she wants to see."

"That isn't love," I replied.

"It is for them," he murmured. "Sad but true."

"You said Rosalie and Esme were a lot alike," I said after a moment.

He leaned against the bike in silence and drummed a quiet beat on the seat with his fingers. I watched him patiently, knowing all that he was telling me was a lot to give out but he really had no choice. It was better for me to know, no surprises and no lies.

"Both resent Carlisle for the life he's given them in two ways. Esme blames herself for the death of her son. She thinks inadvertently she caused it somehow and truly wishes she had died that night she threw herself from the cliffs. The fact that Carlisle saved her and gave her an eternal life where all she has is the reminders of what she lost and will never have, she lives with constant guilt and resentment building up day after day. Esme is smarter than anyone gives her credit for. She doesn't know everything but she watches silently. There is going to come a time when that woman blows at the people around her because she can't handle it anymore."

"You said two reasons for each," I pushed after he stayed silent for a while.

He chuckled and looked up at me through thick lashes. "Don't miss a thing, huh?"

"Not right now," I replied with a haughty tone.

"Imagine having to pretend like you're human every day. Esme is pushed into a life Carlisle loves. He enjoys being around humans, playing the good doctor and showing off his family. Esme gets to see pregnant woman, mothers and grandmothers every day. More reminders, compliments of her husband. Now imagine being deeply in love with the person who causes that pain. She's always confused and conflicted. She wants to hit him and kiss him at the same time. This isn't the life she wants. If every reminder of her being a mother was taken away and all she had left was her mate and her as a vampire, she'd be happy, or at least content."

"What do you mean by all reminders?"

"Her life. Take away the pretenses, the perfect clothes, children, rules and humans. Take away the jobs and the cars so she could live as a vampire not a humanized second-best version of one."

"You mean, drink from humans, be a nomad, live every day as it comes," I finally figured.

He nodded. "Exactly. No pretenses and she wouldn't have to pretend. There would be no reminders and the motherly instincts that feel like a knife in her chest would be pushed away and she could just _live._"

"Carlisle would never agree to that," I murmured quietly.

Jasper tapped my thigh. "No two vampires are the same," he repeated.

"What works for some won't work for others," I finished. "So?"

"Carlisle will never forego his life choices but he would throw out his lifestyle in a second if it meant Esme was happy. Also, he'd never tell her not to do something. She would have free will of choice in all her decisions and he would follow behind her wherever she went. Even to the pyre if that's what she wanted."

"So how is Rosalie similar?"

Jasper sighed. "She's such a vain child at times. I care for Rose, I do, but she makes it fucking hard and knows it. She's become a person who pushes and pushes to see how far she can make you go before you finally stop coming back. When that point hits, she's justified in saying, 'I told you so'. Rosalie resents Carlisle for this life as well. She believes despite it all, she would have survived her attack if given the chance."

"Attack?" I had never heard the full story of Rosalie's last night as a human. No one had ever stopped to tell me; maybe they thought it was unimportant.

"Rosalie was beaten and raped by her fiancée and his friends," Jasper explained. I said nothing but the shock on my face was evident and he tapped my jaw shut with his fingers. "Edward and Carlisle found her near death and took her to where they were settled at the time before changing her. Edward didn't agree to Rose becoming a part of their small family but Carlisle had good intentions for his reasoning. Carlisle took away everything she ever wanted from life. A husband to grow old with, babies to watch grow, and grandchildren to spoil for a lifetime. He forced her to be forever young, forever empty, forever vain, and forever without. Her reminders consist of the people who surround us at the schools or even just all humans in general, young pregnant teenagers who struggle because they have barely anything when Rosalie has it all but what she wants most."

"How can she love Emmett if he can't give her what she wants?" I wondered aloud.

Jasper looked at me sadly. "Her love only goes as deep as their lies allow. She's like Esme in the way that she resents the very presence of her mate yet loves him at the same time. Emmett can never give her what she wants but she can't walk away. In the same regard as how she treats Carlisle, she also never forgets to remind Emmett that he is below her standards of needs as well. He can never fully fulfill her dreams, never give her the life she thinks she deserves but instead the second-best version of it when she wants it all."

Regardless of the severity of our conversation, I was enthralled with the information Jasper was shoving forth. It gave me a different view on the vampires who seemed so perfectly happy from the outside looking in, yet were miserable liars deep inside. None of them were happy with their choices, except maybe Jasper.

"What were you talking about when you said she 'plays God with children in Seattle'?" I asked after.

"Maybe those were the wrong words. It implies something bad and though it can be, most times she makes the right decisions. If you've never been a woman looking at a child and wondering how you're going to feed them, clothe them or protect them, then you might not understand some of the reasons why Rosalie justifies her actions. There are horrible people in this world who don't deserve the gift of children and the delights they bring. When Rosalie recognizes that, she steps in and removes the infant or young child and places them with someone who can and will take care of them. It's not a bad thing, but there have been times when the children have gotten lost in the mix of worlds that only hurt them more. That adds to her guilt, adds to her hate and reminds her of the uselessness she can have at times."

"Not being able to support a child doesn't make you unworthy of having one, it also doesn't make you a horrible person," I spit out, his words bothering me on a deeper level.

"I didn't mean it like that, really I didn't. I jumped from one thing to the next," he apologized. I nodded for him to explain but kept my eyes trained on the people walking to and from the restaurant. "Rosalie has connections with a group of people in Seattle who help women unable to care for children. Adoption is a hard and long process to go through for most and sometimes it takes years before they finally hold a child in their arms. Having the connections to create a new identity leaves doors open for Rosalie and the families she helps."

"What?" I asked. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," he replied with a smile. "She's not all fangs and claws," he joked.

"You don't have fangs," I stated dryly.

"To-ma-to, to-mat-o," he reiterated the old saying. "Emmett doesn't like that she puts herself in positions where she could be exposed or worse. It's also another reminder for her of what she can't have."

The only person left to talk about was Emmett. Jasper was fidgeting with his perfect fingernails and avoiding my eyes. I wondered what would bother him so much when discussing Emmett when he had already blurted out enough things to break his very family to pieces.

"Tell me more about Em," I requested. I figured if I asked him to talk about rather than demanding he tell me all of it, then it would be easier for him. "Why does he have sex with humans and feed, and how does he not kill them or change them?"

Jasper chuckled roughly and pinged his finger against the seat of the bike. His human tendencies were always brought out more when he was uncomfortable or nervous.

"A well controlled vampire can stop the flow of venom in their mouth to the point of barely any being released but what is can be sucked back out with the blood taken and the wound sealed to leave nothing more than a silver sliver scar barely visible to humans. Emmett is the only vampire I know who can control his thirst enough to stop and his strength enough to keep from killing or hurting. He is the only one I've seen take a human to bed and that same human will walk out alive and happy a couple hours later."

"How?" It made no sense. Edward always made it seem like I was so fragile, and my blood was the biggest issue. Anything ventured sexually could cause nothing but harm and most likely my death. Jasper seemed to be agreeing that it was difficult yet Emmett had no problem.

"He has the most control of his thirst I have ever seen, even more so than Carlisle in a way. I couldn't tell you why and even Emmett probably doesn't know. Stem it back to the second human who's blood called to him and instead of losing his head like he had the first time, he went into stalk mode. He watched her, stalked her for days and learned her routine. I'm sure that seems disgusting for you to hear but it's very normal for a vampire when they find a prey they want to enjoy without fear of cutting the meal short. Rosalie did interrupt his kill that time though and according to his version of events, they enjoyed the blood together before it turned sexual between them. Something focused in Emmett to the point where his mind connected sex with blood. Not that him and Rose don't have active sex lives," Jasper said with an eye roll. "There are just times when he feels a strong urge for the mixture of blood and sex. It goes hand in hand with mated vampires who drink from humans. It's odd for the Cullen family because of their diet but not for human drinking vampires."

"Really?" I asked surprised.

"Really. Blood play was common when I spent time with Maria. It was a reward of sorts and I actively participated with her and several others. It becomes like a game and a need all wrapped up in one. I told you drinking from animals only suppresses the natural urges, it doesn't take it away."

"How many women have you been with?" It was a stupid question but I was honestly curious. "Human and vampires combined."

Jasper laughed loudly before grinning mischievously. "Enough to know not to answer that question."

"Tell me," I begged jokingly.

"A couple hundred give or take. I never kept a good count. Sleeping with humans wasn't really fun considering they always ended up dead and I'm not into the necrophilia thing."

"Isn't two vampires having sex technically necrophilia?" I asked teasingly.

His face scrunched up in a grimace before he chuckled deeply again. "I guess. Change the subject, Isabella, that's not something I want to discuss."

"Emmett could be killed for breaking the highest law a vampire has to follow. He's exposed what he is to humans. Carlisle explained to me once that all vampires' laws boil down to keeping your existences a secret. Who would Emmett expose himself to? Why would he hide that from Rosalie?"

"Two reasons. To keep her safe if a time comes when he is punished for his actions, she will live on because she didn't know. The other reason delves into their relationship part of it all."

"Emmett has a child," I murmured in quiet realization mixed with shock.

"Had," Jasper corrected softly. "His son is dead but he left two children behind. Emmett has taken care of his human family for many years. About five years into his vampire life, when he was well enough controlled, he went back to see them, far enough away that no one would ever know. He was purely curious as to their life and if they were okay. Most of us have gone back to check on our families at one point or another. A girl he had been together with a few times, it hadn't been serious apparently but more fun, had a little boy who was just about to turn five. Emmett said it was like looking into a mirror of the past when he saw the little boy's face. He knew it was his son and that was not something he would ever give up for anyone, including Rosalie."

"Wow," I whispered. "So he just what, walked out of the woods and said, 'here I am, this is what happened, sorry I've been away. Oh I have a wife now but I'll take care of you too'?"

Jasper shot me a glare and I mumbled an apology before shutting up and letting him continue. "No, he approached her privately. When he knew she could be trusted, he stepped into his son's life from far away until the boy was old enough to know the truth as well. Emmett moved them across the US so that there was no chance his other human family would find out. He's taken care of them for years and when his son died a few years ago, he went down for the funeral and it was explained to his grandson and granddaughter what he was and who he was as well."

His words brought about more questions than answers. I felt like a record on repeat asking how, what, when and why over and over but I couldn't help myself.

"How do you know all this and how in the hell does Alice not see it?"

"I confronted Emmett not too long ago about the whole situation. He told me everything because he knew he had to, he was slipping in his choices and it was causing Alice to see faces of Emmett's family. The Alice issue has been tough for Emmett. He learned over time how to not make forefront decisions in his mind. He lets his body guide him to where it needs to go without making an absolute decision on the subject. He makes other decisions regarding places, hunting and things of similar nature but never outright on his family or when he is there with them. Alice is fallible, she thinks she controls it all and knows it all but she is out of the loop a lot of times regarding Emmett."

The sky had started to darken a bit. We had been talking for a long time and I hadn't even realized it. The parking lot was basically empty and a couple employees were out having a cigarette and watching us carefully.

"I should get you back home," Jasper murmured while watching the humans across the lot. "I'm sure your father is worried."

I shrugged indifferently. I was not looking forward to the arguments about to ensue at home for the punishment Charlie planned to deliver. A realization hit me in that moment and I found myself frozen at the thought.

"How is what Emmett does any different than what the Cullen's are doing with me?" I asked nearly terrified.

"Do you remember when I said I thought you had the choice but now I'm not so sure?" he asked back. I met his golden eyes and nodded slowly. "The Volturi have been notified about your involvement with our family."

His words brought on a tirade of emotions. I felt my breathing pick up and the air swirled disturbingly around me as I felt myself sway on the seat. _The Volturi have been notified. _That simple statement scared me more than anything I had even been through before.

"What?"

"The other night, Carlisle received a phone call from the brothers to congratulate Edward on finally finding his mate. They knew you were human, had knowledge that you knew we were vampires and they were not impressed. Carlisle was given six months to a year for your change to occur and for you to go to Volterra to prove it had before punishment will be brought down on our family. It is not any different from Emmett except for the fact Edward shot out he plans to change you after graduation. Emmett never planned on nor will he ever change a member of his human family."

"Edward can't change me," I whispered. "An eternity with him would be worse than hell's flames."

Panic surged through me. It felt like everything had been going so well. I was breaking free from the hold Edward had and finally gaining some ground to becoming myself again. Now everything was lost. The Cullen family drama was so huge that none of them seemed to notice how evil and manipulative Edward really was concerning me, all but Jasper.

I felt Jasper's cool hands grab onto my face and calm surrounded me so I could finally breath again. "Isabella, calm down. I don't do the over emotional, teenage girl thing, so chill the fuck out. Just because you need to be changed doesn't affect the future with Edward. Not for a second do you need to feel trapped within those walls."

"Okay," I mumbled. Another question popped into my mind and I just had to ask it. "Why do you want to know everything about everyone? Doesn't it put you in just as much danger as the rest?"

I watched his jaw clench but a soft smile crossed his lips anyway. "There may come a day when something more important to me than even those who I care about in my family steps forward. If hurting them with what I know means saving what I love, then I'd do it without a second thought. Who I love will always be more important than those I care for. They've made their beds; I have yet to finish mine."

_Me too. _

He moved me on the bike without another word and I slipped on my helmet and jacket for good measure. I didn't know it and neither did he, but we'd just made the biggest mistake yet.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 10: Chapter 10**

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**A/N: Beta;d by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03. **

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**Bella POV**

Charlie grounded me for a month. Regardless of the reasoning behind the fight and issues surrounding Jasper and I leaving the school, he still grounded me. I was positive he was a little proud though but he was too much of a Dad to outright say it. The school put me on suspension for a week for physical violence toward another student. I didn't care. I was grateful to get out again and hoped by the time I got back, the gossip and lies would have died down enough that I could go along in peace.

It wasn't likely. The truth about Lee was like coke to an addict for gossipers. They had nothing else better to do in town anyway. Why not talk about someone else's life since theirs was so incredibly boring.

"The family wants to see you," Jasper said quietly from my desk.

He was playing around on my laptop and downloading music to my IPod. Even though I wasn't allowed visitors into the house for the first two weeks, Charlie was lenient on Jasper and Jake. He liked them both and said they had a good effect on me. I was just happy that I had people to talk to that did something other than grumble about work and cheer for baseball.

Jake came whenever he had the chance. Usually him, Jasper and Charlie would sit around the living room and watch baseball while I did the homework assignments that had been brought home for me. Both Jasper and Jake were comfortable with being close to one another for long periods of time. They respected and admired one another. I knew Jasper thought highly of Jake because of how close I was to him. Jake felt threatened but held Jasper in high esteem for similar reasons. They were an odd duo for a friendship, if that's what you could even call it.

Jasper was around every day. Charlie liked that maybe a bit more than he should. More than once my father had pointed out the obvious differences between Jasper and Edward. I didn't need those pointed out; they glared spitefully at me every moment. Jake liked to put in his two cents as well. They frustrated me to no end.

There was nothing between Jasper and I.

"I'm grounded," I stated slowly like he was a small child.

The chair didn't even squeak when he turned it around to face me. The speed shocked me a bit and I wondered how the wheels were still on it.

"Don't be a smartass," he growled.

"Edward is there," I said, trying a different route. "Surely they all must know by now that we're not together, after the school incident and all that."

Jasper had been suspended as well but only for three days. They chalked his up to getting caught skipping classes without proper notice or reasons from his parents. I had to roll my eyes at that. The Cullens skipped school so much that someone had to wonder why their grades were still so high, yet no one ever did. Of course this time, Esme and Carlisle had no reasons for why he left with me that day, so suspension it was.

"They don't care," he replied indifferently before turning back to the computer and a song started playing out. "Do you like this one?" he asked.

"What is it?"

He threw me a smirk over his shoulder. It was his cocky, arrogant smirk and it looked good on him. Jasper had an air about him that just screamed he was confident in himself and his abilities. How that played into now, I wasn't sure.

"Kings of Leon," he clarified. "Seventeen."

"That doesn't seem like your type of music at all," I giggled. Why did I giggle? "Yeah, it's good music."

The chair squeaked as he slowly turned around to look at me with his eyebrow raised. I held back the laughter while he spoke, but not without difficulty.

"Why? Did you expect a load of country stomping, whining cowboys who sing about nothing other than bitchy, cheating wives, their dogs and how much their trucks can pull?"

The laughter flowed out of me freely and it felt good. I rolled onto my back and tilted my head to look at him upside down. Jasper had been easier to deal with as of late. He still had his mood swings and still didn't hesitate to throw a bucket of cold truth on me when needed but I was starting to see the man behind the hardened eyes and ignorant words.

"You are from Texas after all," I choked through giggles, pushing him a bit farther.

His eyebrow rose in disbelief at my words. "_Really_? Did you really just say that?"

I calmed the giggles down and looked at him as seriously as I could manage. "Do we need to take you to Carlisle now? He's the only vampire doctor I know after all. I think in your old age, you might be starting to suffer from hearing loss."

His jaw dropped in pure shock and I roared with laughter before rolling back over and clutching at my sides. I had never once truly surprised him before and the reaction on his face was so worth it.

"You're a mean little thing," he stated from his spot on the chair.

"Bells? Are you okay up there?" Charlie yelled from downstairs.

"Yes," I called back.

Jasper opened my bedroom door and poked his head out into the hallway. "I think she needs to be let out early for good behavior, she's starting to go squirrely on me. She's making fun of me," Jasper told my father.

My laughter continued. It sounded like he was whining. "Did you just whine?" I asked when he closed the door and turned back to me with a devilish smile.

"Maybe," he said with a wink. "And I might have added some happy juice to Charlie while I was at it. You'll be let off by tonight. So get your shit ready."

My laughter stopped immediately and panic surrounded me as I tensed. Being grounded and suspended had kept me locked far away from Edward and his conniving ways. I didn't want to be put in that position and now I felt overly pissed at Jasper for throwing me right back into it.

"I don't want to go," I ground out through clenched teeth.

Jasper turned impassive and shrugged. "Stop being a deflective wimp. Get a spine."

"Stop being an insensitive prick," I spat back. "How did Alice deal with you all those years never mind the rest of them?"

I regretted the words immediately. Jasper had never really discussed the reasons behind his and Alice's separation and I wasn't sure if that had anything to do with it. Regardless, the change in his demeanor when I said it told me he wasn't angry just impressed.

"See, that's a spine," he remarked cheekily.

I huffed in defiance. "And this is me telling you to fuck off," I replied with the flip of my middle finger.

"So un-ladylike," he murmured in mock disapproval with a shake of his head. "Where did you learn such awful behavior?"

Deciding to push his buttons a little more, since he wanted to be an ignorant ass again, I put on a fake smile and fluttered my eyelashes demurely. "Would ya like me ta sing and skip while playin' the good little girl who neva does nothin' wrong? If it pleases ya, I might even wear a purty dress and curl ma hair," I drawled out with a horrific southern accent.

Jasper looked at me like I was crazy before doubling over and roaring with laughter. I felt a major wave of humor and delight pound into me and I was sure anyone within a mile's radius got a good dose of Jasper's gift as well. I heard Charlie muttering downstairs and chuckling as he went. That was the Jasper I liked to see. Not that I didn't enjoy the parts of him who was blatantly harsh and honest, but there was more behind it all than just that. He was carefree and maybe even a bit light-hearted when pushed enough. I loved his laughter because it rang from his soul. I didn't think he even knew how good it sounded when he let loose.

Through laughs of my own, I got a sentence out to Jasper. "Reign that shit in, Jas."

"I don't think I've ever heard someone butcher a southern accent like you just did. Please, do not ever do that again," he ordered through deep chuckles. "Seriously. That was fucking horrible."

"Speaking of southern accents," I thought aloud. He shot me a look and I continued. "Why doesn't your dialect have one?"

He shrugged and climbed beside me on the bed, laying on his stomach and turning to grin at me. Having someone else in my bed always bothered me. I stemmed it back to Lee; most things always went back to him. Since having the reality of him brought back into my thoughts and life, I felt like everything I did betrayed him all over again. It wasn't fair to me. I knew that. I had fought so damn hard to remove all remembrances of Lee from my life so I could go on without constantly looking back at the past. Times like these brought it slamming back with a sickening force.

With Jasper it was different. He was easier, like breathing or talking; everything flowed. I liked him around me for many reasons. Most reasons, I refused to delve into because the reality of it hurt. None of it made much sense anyway. The only thing I was positive about was that he had a calming effect on me. Jasper made me feel safe without even saying a word. Still, he had me confused most times and I was again stuck in the past with haunted reminders of things that had once been. I decided what I had, was good enough. Wanting more seemed like asking for trouble.

"Hey," Jasper whispered close to my face, his fingers trailing a line on my cheek. I hadn't realized how quickly I'd zoned out in my thoughts. I swatted his hand away and he rolled his eyes. "I hide it well," he said, confusing the hell out of me.

"Hide what well?"

"I keep forgetting your human mind can only focus for so long before everything goes stupidly gooey," he muttered cynically.

_Ignorant asshole. _

Instead of slapping him, I decided to ignore his comment. "Hide what well?" I repeated.

His eyes narrowed. "My accent."

I grinned and poked him on the shoulder. "So you do have one."

Jasper sighed and rolled on his back. "Yeah of course, I grew up in Texas for Christ's sake. It was just easier for me to blend in with the humans if I hid it. After so many years of keeping it toned down, when it does come out a little bit, it's more the deeper tones and the occasional loss of the 'g' at the end of a word."

"It's hard to imagine you talking like that, you seem refined," I reasoned.

"Oh, it's still there, Sugar," he drawled quietly in an old southern accent that wasn't used much anymore by even those in the south. I imagined they had changed a bit since his human days, but I liked his much more. He let the words linger for a moment longer. "It's just not necessary for me to explain myself to humans like yourself whenever one hears and gets too curious."

I snorted and then smiled at him. The grin he flashed back had me poking him again for the fun of doing it. "Do you speak other languages?" I asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"Ten all together that I can speak fluently. I know enough Greek and Dutch to get by," he answered. "I learned Spanish within the first month of being a vampire."

Jasper now had my undivided attention. He rarely gave out information on his early years and I was always pressing for more. "Why?"

He smirked knowingly at me. "Maria and a lot of the newborns were of Spanish descent. I found it easier to stay alive if I understood the people around me. I'm sure they could speak English, Maria did often but occasionally she'd rant something off in her language and it was best if you knew what she just roared at you. Asking her to repeat herself was huge disrespect in her eyes and grounds for punishment. I wasn't a glutton for pain."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "Punishment?"

Jasper chuckled and rolled back on his side. He reached over my head and flicked the light for my lamp to turn on. It contrasted oddly against his skin but I could see hundreds of crescent shaped scars crossing over one another up his arm, until it disappeared under his shirt. In normal light you couldn't see them, but up close or if he was standing in direct light, they were visible.

I traced the pattern-like scars and felt the lines under my fingertip. He watched me silently but I was more enthralled than anything.

"They don't bother you?" he asked in quiet astonishment.

"Should they?"

"I would think so," he replied in the same tone.

I pursed my lips and shrugged. "They don't. I'm interested, a little curious and confused."

He hummed out a low note. "I can feel that," he teased lightly. "Not all of them are from forms of punishment; most of them are from battles I participated in. There are only so many ways she could physically hurt us anyway. A lot of her punishments were physiological. I don't like talking about it really."

My finger continued tracing along the lines and I felt his muscles twitch along the path I drew.

"Okay, so don't," I told him with a reassuring smile.

"They pretty well cover me though; you can't see them well enough with your eyes. There will come a day when you can." He sounded a bit bothered by that statement.

"So?"

"A vampire's first reaction is to be scared, to defend and prepare for attack," he explained. "I don't like the idea of me scaring you."

"You don't scare me," I answered back. "Not like you think."

Before he could say anything else, Charlie's voice yelled from the bottom of the stairs. "Bells, can you come down for a minute?"

"Yeah, Dad," I yelled back.

Jasper smirked and tapped my forehead. "Faigh do rudaí réidh. Beidh muid ag imeacht go luath. Carlisle ls main leis an cheist a phlé Volturi leat."

I gaped at him dumbly. "What?"

He grinned and pulled me up off the bed with him. "Irish, Isabella. I said, 'get your stuff ready. We'll be leaving soon. Carlisle wishes to discuss the Volturi issue with you'."

"Huh, I've never heard Irish before. Sounds weird coming from you," I said, voicing my inner thoughts without realizing what he said until after. "Wait! No, Jas, I said no."

"Muinín dom le do thoil, siúcra." He raised his eyebrows when he finished and then tapped my jaw closed again. "Still Irish, Isabella. Trust me please."

"It was more than that." It had to have been. It seemed like it. And the last word sounded familiar.

"No, that was all." He smiled innocently but I could see the mischief behind his eyes.

"Liar."

"Fine," he muttered. "Trust me please, Sugar."

I couldn't help but smile and he guffawed at having me caught. "Don't blow that ego up, Jas," I warned.

"Bells," Charlie yelled again. "Today, please?"

Jasper sat back down at my computer and leaned over to open my door before waving me outward. He typed away on the keypad but I decided to let him play and go talk to Charlie. He had made his way back into the kitchen where he was sipping on a cup of coffee.

"You've been grounded for a week now," he started as soon as I sat down. I nodded in agreement and tried focusing myself on feeling aggravated at Jasper. It must have worked because his foot stomped on the floor and Charlie looked upward before shaking his head. "Odd boy. What's he doing up there now? You two were laughing so hard earlier that it even had me chuckling."

I snickered. "Jasper was being childish." Another stomp had me holding back giggles. "He's downloading music to my iPod."

Charlie grunted before taking another sip of coffee. "Jasper mentioned earlier that Emmett was missing you."

Jasper was going to get a swift kick in the nuts pretty soon. "Yeah, misses kicking my butt on Xbox."

Charlie smiled. "So I called Esme and talked to her. She's invited you for supper but you are to return by ten, no later. I'm trying to be reasonable."

I didn't want him to be reasonable. I had no desire whatsoever to play friends at the Cullen home. I really didn't want to be told that they were going to be forced to change me. Nothing about this situation was what I wanted.

Regardless, I stood up and kissed my father on the cheek, earning a red flush on his face and another grunt. "Thanks, Dad."

"Home by ten."

"Maybe earlier," I muttered as I walked away. Another light stomp had me glaring hatefully at Jasper when I walked in my room that was then looking too innocent sitting in my desk chair and twiddling his thumbs. "You are such an asshole."

"I know, it's wonderful though," he haughtily stated with another smirk.

"Stupid, insensitive vampire," I growled.

"Scared, emotional human," he shot back.

"Ignorant bully."

"That's untrue," Jasper said sounding hurt.

"No, it's very true," I replied.

I pulled on a sweater and put on my runners that had been sitting by the closet. Jasper was quiet and when I stood up and turned around, he was standing so close I backed up a step. "I do not bully you. I may push you into things you dislike, maybe be brutally honest or make you see things you refuse to but it is in your best interest," his silken voice murmured.

"That's your opinion. Mine tends to differ dramatically."

He stared at me for a moment without saying a word. Conflict passed his features and remorse flowed from him to me. He didn't like to apologize for anything and when he did it meant something.

"Mi secreto es el miedo. Tu me aterrorizas, Isabella, y nada lo hace."

I recognized the language as Spanish but that was as much as I knew. "Was that an apology? Because it's still an apology even in a different language," I told him.

"No, that was not me being apologetic at all, more of an explanation of sorts," he smiled warily.

"Well?" I waved my hands for him to tell me what it meant.

He shook his head and blonde curls fell in front of his eyes. "No, I'll let this one sit for a while."

Jasper just liked playing games. I didn't mind playing along. "I suppose you brought my helmet and jacket huh?"

He looked at me sheepishly. "Yes. Come on, you'll enjoy time out of this house. I promise Edward and Alice will keep their distance to a respectable length."

"They fucking better," I growled.

His deep chuckle followed me out of the bedroom and down the stairs where Charlie was waiting to give me another reminder of my curfew.

….

I sat in Carlisle's office and listened quietly as he explained the circumstances surrounding the Volturi and their inquiry as to my involvement with the Cullen family. I'd spent the first couple of hours prior between Esme and her cooking and then Emmett and his games. I hadn't really realized how much I missed them both, knowing what I did meant little at that point.

"Who told them?" I finally asked.

Carlisle looked abashed. "I think Tanya may have." I felt my hands clench tightly into fists beneath the table.

_Why would she have done that? What did she have to gain? _

Jasper had explained to me that the rest of the family was well aware of the break up between Edward and I. Rosalie had been skipping with happiness until all that business came up. Emmett could go either way in the matter. He wanted me around and truthfully, I'd miss him too if I needed to say goodbye, his private choices outside of the Cullens didn't take away from that for me. Esme didn't have much to say about anything. She felt I should have the choice but refused to speak anything bad about her other children. Knowing what I did about her now, I knew it was nothing but a lie.

Both Edward and Alice weren't at the house when we had arrived. I assumed they had been far warned a head of time from Jasper or someone else. Either way, I was pleased that I didn't immediately need to deal with one of them, or God forbid both.

"So I have no choice then," I whispered sadly.

Carlisle sighed and reached across his desk to rub my arm comfortingly. "We can always try to figure something out. I would never force this on someone if it wasn't what they wanted."

He stiffened right after and the sound of Jasper's growl echoed through the house before it followed with, "shut the fuck up, Rosalie." Rosalie liked to poke and prod Carlisle while reminding him of things that were apparently unpleasant; that was the impression I got anyway.

"I don't want to risk the rest of the family because of me," I reasoned with him. "I would like to wait as long as possible though. So I can say goodbye and make sure things are settled that seems appropriate to me."

Carlisle nodded and a knock sounded on his door. Jasper slipped in and shot me a look I couldn't decipher. "I should get you home. It is nearly curfew."

"Have you thought about talking to Edward, Bella?" Carlisle asked quietly.

My eyes that were glued to Jasper at the door hardened and Jasper twitched just slightly at my angered emotions. No one would have noticed it; they would have just assumed he was appearing human. I knew different. That statement bothered him because it bothered me.

I turned back to Carlisle and tried to keep my words respectable. "I have not spoken to Edward, nor do I wish to. I made the decision to end our relationship and there isn't anything that would make me want to reconnect on that level. Okay?"

Carlisle nodded. "I understand, child. Have a good night; say hello to your father for us. Please try to come around more often, we do miss you here and the situation between Edward and you has no effect on that."

….

Another two weeks passed by quietly. I returned back to school during the second week once my suspension was up. Jasper picked me up; it seemed like it became a normal routine for him to be waiting outside my doorstep every morning. I rarely even picked up my keys to my truck anymore. Charlie was always pleasant toward Jasper's presence. The knowing looks he shot me every time I looked out the front door to see Jas waiting told me my father was expecting something more to come from Jasper being around more often.

I didn't think anything would.

It seemed like the students at school had calmed down regarding the Lee issue. Jasper's near constant presence at my side during all available times at school also had the people backing off. It could have been caused from the situation that happened, but I had a feeling it dealt a lot with Jasper and the 'fuck off' vibes he gave off.

He'd calmed down a lot around me. It got a little better everyday though he was quick to snap. There was more to him and I wanted to know it all.

Lauren kept her distance and any classes we had together, we both were separated as far as possible in the classrooms. The occasional glare she threw me had me snickering every time. She didn't bother me really. I had made my point; proved my standing. I wasn't looking for another fight really; I had too many other things to deal with. Lauren Mallory just wasn't important anymore.

Jasper had seemed tense the first few days back at school. He mentioned that Alice had left for a few days and announced she would be back before the week was out. I didn't know what excuse was given to the school for her absence, nor did I care.

"Why does it matter to you if she runs off?" I had asked. I may have been slightly jealous over his show of concern.

He may have felt it. I ignored the knowing look he shot me. "I could care less if she jumps off La Push cliffs," he had replied. "Except for the fact, that none of us know where she went off to. Right now, the last thing we need is to not know what Alice and Edward are up to. It's dangerous. I don't like feeling unprotected or out of the loop on things. I can't be everywhere at once. That doesn't make for a very safe situation."

Jasper always made me feel safe. I wasn't sure why but he did. If he felt worried about something though, I did as well. He wasn't stupid by a far stretch. Calculative, tactical and downright intelligent didn't even begin to describe his thinking abilities when it came to planning for the worst.

I found myself agreeing with Jake. Jasper was the last person I would ever want to stand up to in a fight. You'd never make it out alive.

…..

I flicked through the channels on the TV. Jake groaned when I stopped on an old black and white sitcom before a pillow flew into the side of my head. I guffawed in feign hurt before whipping it back at him.

Both Jake and Jasper were taking shift runs when watching me. It made me feel like a child that needed constant supervision but after mentioning it to Jas; I quickly learned to just go with his flow and not to question his actions. He didn't like being questioned apparently. I didn't like to argue with him.

"When is Jas coming?" Jake asked before jumping off the couch and running into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

"He'll be here soon," I answered. "Why? Do you and Leah have a date?" I made a kissing sound to tease him and he only shrugged in response. "I think it's great. Has she gotten any better with this whole thing?" I asked, referring to him constantly being here and away from her.

Jake snorted. "Sure, sure." He went quiet for a moment before finally turning back to me and looking serious. I hated that look. He always had something to say when he had it on and I rarely ever liked what it was. "Have you talked to Jasper about Seattle yet?"

"No," I growled, shocked that he would even bring it up again. "And I don't fucking plan to."

His hands flew up in surrender, still holding the now empty glass in one. "Fine. Chillax," he muttered. "Just wondering was all."

My cell on the table buzzed with a call. I picked it up immediately, wanting to get out of my current discussion with Jake. "Hello?"

"Hey," Jasper's voice sounded through the speaker. Wind rushing the phone gave me the impression he was running. His next words confirmed that suspicion. "I'm a mile away. Tell Jake he's good to go if he wants." Jake; having nearly as good of hearing as vampires shot me a smile before messing my hair and getting ready to leave. "I didn't tell you last night, but Alice was back yesterday. Her and Edward have both been hunting for the day, apparently," he explained, then the phone shut off abruptly.

Panic surged through me before my back door opened and Jasper walked in with a grin on his face. "Calm down, Isabella. Jesus, it would take more than that for them to surprise me."

_What would it take for them to get past Jasper? _

I glared at him. "That was not nice at all."

Jake's head popped through the doorway again. He muttered a quick 'hello' to Jasper before taking off. "You were saying?" I asked Jas once Jake was gone.

"Charlie's working nights this week, right?" he asked suddenly, fingering a loose thread on the couch.

_Is he nervous? Have I ever seen him nervous? This is new. _

"Ah, yeah. Why?"

He grimaced before sighing. "Staying outside the house isn't a good option. One can distract while the other gets past. Do you understand what I'm saying?" His voice had turned a bit ignorant again. It was his defence mechanism when he felt uneasy or exposed.

"You want to be in the house at night," I replied.

I wasn't really sure how I felt about that. There weren't any bad feelings or good feelings really. It was a mute decision; an either or thing. It didn't matter to me. He must have felt that because a smile flittered across his face.

"Good." The back door slammed again in seconds before he appeared back in front of me. I hadn't even seen him go. The speed thing was still annoying as hell but it was natural for him. He held a black bag in his hand and waved it at me. "Clothes for the morning. My bike is around the corner," he explained. "I'll be up and gone before Charlie gets here at seven."

"Okay." I really didn't know what else to say. Jasper usually stayed as late as possible then he would leave and come back through my window for another hour. For the rest of the night, he spent that outside in the surrounding woods until Jake came early in the morning just long enough for Jasper to go home and do his thing.

"I'm going to go have a shower and then do my homework," I muttered after a few minutes.

_What is wrong with me? _

Jasper waved at the stairs impatiently after I stood immobile for another minute. He was being put out of his element just as much as I was. Still, he didn't break stride in his attitude. He drove me nuts.

The shower was hot and soothing. It calmed me enough that I felt tired and ready for sleep once I was done. I got dressed in sweats and a tank before making my way to my bedroom, scrubbing my hair dry with a towel. The TV was still on downstairs, and my bedroom was empty.

"Jas?" I called quietly.

I knew he would be down there, but I needed the reassurance anyway. The night just seemed off and that made me overly nervous. "Watching this stupid thing," he replied back in a bored tone. I sat down at my desk and pulled the homework assignments and textbooks from my book bag. The Calculus wasn't my strongest point so I worked on that first to get it out of the way.

Cool breath fanned the nape of my neck and I shivered. "Two is wrong, Sugar," Jasper murmured quietly. I flinched at his proximity. It wasn't that I didn't like it; he just scared the life out of me when he did things like that. "Sorry. Anyway, two is wrong. It's six, not three."

I fake growled and turned to swat him away. "I need to learn it myself. Having you give me the answer is not the way to do it."

He chuckled and grabbed my pencil before writing down the entire equation and how to work it out. "There, so now you know how to do it. It's wrong when I only give you the answer without the explanation, with the explanation involved, it's teaching."

_What else can you teach me? _

I shook those thoughts away quickly and breathed rhythmically to center my emotions to calm. Lusting after someone who didn't feel the same way was not something I wanted to delve into right then, especially when that same someone knew exactly what emotions I was feeling.

Jasper smirked before tapping the end of the pencil on my head and dropping it to the desk. "Finish up. Where's your iPod?"

I pointed to the front flap of my book bag. He dug through it until he found what he wanted and then moved over to the bed and laid down. After placing the buds in his ears and turning the music up loud enough that even I could hear the faint humming, he closed his eyes and went perfectly still. He looked like an exquisitely carved statue on my duvet. I wanted to throw something at him. He wasn't helping the internal thoughts at all.

"Stupid, perfect, desirable vampire," I grumbled.

"I can still hear you," he laughed.

Embarrassment flooded me but I ignored him and turned around to finish the Calculus homework on my desk. A half hour later and I was slamming the textbook shut and groaning in annoyance. I had finished it, but guaranteed half of it was wrong.

"Why did you pick Calculus if you find it so difficult?" Jasper asked from the bed.

"To challenge myself," I answered, my face still pressed against my palms. "University was once an option on my plate before your family walked into my life."

He was beside me in milliseconds and placed the iPod on the desk beside my laptop. "It still can be. We've all been to college. I have degrees in several things. Edward and Carlisle have several doctorates. Esme has gone for design courses and Alice has gone for fashion and business. Emmett thoroughly enjoys the college experience because he can act more his age than pretending to be a high school student and Rose just likes the different attention she gains from it."

"It's not the same thing," I told him quietly.

He rolled his eyes. "What? So you can't get drunk and screw some frat boy and then wake up in some unknown bed with no memory of the night before. That sounds _so_ intriguingly fun. What have we been missing?" he asked sarcastically.

"Oh, you've always wanted to sleep with a frat boy, huh?" I teased.

His eyes narrowed before I felt myself being thrown through the air and dropped roughly on my bed. I felt his cold hands tickling under my shirt along my sides and I gasped for air while begging him to stop.

"Say you didn't mean it," he demanded all the while, still tickling me.

"Jesus, stop, you're going to make me piss myself," I yelled at him. My bladder was not as strong as it used to be.

"Say it!"

"Fine. I take it back you arrogant ass," I laughed.

He rolled off of me and onto his side before grinning evilly at me. I glared and he laughed in response. "Pissing yourself would have been worth it for me."

I smacked him on the chest and pain stung my hand. "Ow, damn it. You wait until I'm strong enough to lay a beat down on your sparkly ass."

He shrugged but that cocky, confident look replaced the look of humor. "I've never lost a fight. You'd be no different," he challenged.

"Really?" Suddenly his words brought me back to the night when he showed me his scars.

He nodded. "Never. Most of the scars left behind were from vampires who died. I couldn't be trapped enough not to find a way out of it. I always find a way to win. I never lose."

As strong as that made him sound, it was also terrifying. _How dangerous is he really? _

"You said it was hard for you to adjust to the Cullen's lifestyle," I remarked.

"It wasn't just the lifestyle. It took years for me to allow them to touch me without feeling like it was threatening. A lot of conflict passed through the family when I stepped into the mix. They got used to me though, and vice versa for me as well. It just took time. Still though, even now if I feel endangered or if someone pushes me enough, I snap back easily. The fight and desire to win doesn't just disappear because you're placed in a different environment. It's always there."

"I've hit you; pissed you off," I pointed out. "You've never attacked me."

His brow furrowed and he moved off the bed and away from me. "Yeah, I don't know why that is." He shot me a hesitant smile. "Maybe you're a good influence on me. Keeping you around might not be such a bad thing."

….

The next night, Jake didn't bother to show at all. Jasper had called and said he would be bringing me straight home and since Charlie was still on night duty, he wouldn't need to leave at all for the sake of appearances. I sat at the kitchen table and ate the supper I had readied while Jasper played with a small envelope on the table.

A card slid across the table and stopped in front of my plate. I glanced down at it and choked on the carrot in my mouth. Jasper hissed in disgust and I shot him a glare.

"Chew your food, swallow it and keep your mouth shut while you do it. It's bad enough I feel like retching from the smell. I need not see it as well," he ground out.

I swallowed the mushy carrot and turned my gaze on the ID card in front of me. _Isabella Whitlock. Age 21. Brown Eyes. Brown Hair. _It gave my height and weight as well.

"A fake ID?" I asked. "Whitlock?"

Jasper snickered. "Fake? That right there is better than the originals and it's my human last name, remember? You needed one. You have another with the last name Cullen but it says you're nineteen. It's locked inside the safe in Carlisle's office along with paper work for a new identity. I'm giving you this one in case you ever need it."

"Thanks, I guess."

He shrugged like it didn't make a difference but it meant something to me. I left him at the table and went up stairs to finish my homework that had been given for the weekend. Like the night before, Jasper found his way up there as well and helped go through the Calculus assignments with me again. I brought up Google on my laptop, needing some information for another project. Jasper swatted my hand away and brought up the translator for whatever reason.

"Type in what I tell you to," he said quietly.

"Okay," I said a bit confused. He went slowly with me, stating letter after letter until I had a full sentence.

"It's Spanish, translate it to English," he requested quietly. As I read the sentence, I realized it was what he had told me the night we brought me to the Cullens. I had forgotten all about it until now.

'_Mi secreto es el miedo. Me asusta que aterrorizan a Isabella, y nada de mí.'_

I clicked the translate button and a smile flittered across my face and I read it aloud. "My secret is fear. You terrify me, Isabella, and nothing terrifies me." I turned in my chair to find him close to me again. His hands gripped onto both arms of my computer chair and he leaned forward. "I'm still not telling you the rest," I murmured quietly, liking his proximity and maybe wishing him a bit further.

"That's fine. You don't have to and I won't search," he replied.

I thought about it for a moment. Maybe my assumption in how Jasper felt about me was wrong. I had no idea what pushed me to say my next words, but I did anyway.

"Someday, if a time ever comes when you need to know; I'll tell you."

"And if you can't?" he asked.

"Search for it."

The golden depths of his eyes searched my face and he nodded before dipping his head down and murmuring quietly, "Quiero saber todo de ti. Lo  
necesito."

I loved the Spanish as it rolled from his mouth. It seemed with Jasper, some things were easier for him to say if it came out in a way most would not be able to understand immediately. That seemed out of character for him, but a lot of things between us were becoming more and more out of sorts.

I shook my head and pulled on his curls. "Don't make me type it all out again," I begged.

He chuckled and looked up at me again, his fingers tracing below my bottom lip. "I want to know all of you. I need to."

My heart thundered in my chest. I wasn't sure why. It felt like the ground was shifting to open up and swallow us whole. I wanted this. I realized that and maybe it was a little too late for those kinds of realizations. I didn't love him, not yet but that was the only thing I knew for sure. Everything else was a confused jumbled mess and the man in front of me was the cause.

My hand reached out and traced his stone lips lightly. Maybe it was my touch. Maybe it was my emotions. It could have been a combination of both that slammed into him hard but suddenly all that was left in front of me was rustling air and my hand still raised.

The back door slammed and I took a shaky breath. I stayed in that spot for minutes, waiting for the sounds of Jasper coming back. He didn't and I remained where I sat.

A tap on my window had my head whipping in that direction. I couldn't see anything but it didn't matter. The window opened and Edward's form slipped through. I froze for only a second before jumping out of the chair and making a move towards the door.

"Jasper!" I screamed. I called the name of the only person I thought could help me. He was long gone.

Edward chuckled behind me and grabbed me around the waist before I even reached the bedroom door. I kicked against him to move but he just tossed me like I was a pillow onto the bed. He stood at the end and raised his eyebrows as if daring me to continue.

"Get out," I seethed.

Another form came through the window. Alice stood up and smiled brightly at me. I shivered and tried to hold back the tears. I was trapped; confined.

_Jasper, where are you? _

"I don't think so, love," Edward answered. "We've got some talking to do. I've missed you too, you know."

I held back the bile that rose in my throat. "Get out, right now," I repeated but it sounded shaky and a hell of a lot more scared than I wanted it to.

Edward scented the air lightly before smirking at me. "You know, fear courses through a human's veins in the form of adrenaline. I do love that scent. You're not the first, though you already know that now."

I sunk back into the bed, terrified at what he just said. _How did he know that? _

"Do you know how many mistakes Jasper has been making lately? He has never been as careless in his actions as he is with you. It's sad really, he's such a strong, smart vampire yet you turn him into a fucking mess at his best times."

"I don't understand," I whimpered.

Edward rolled his eyes impatiently. "Of course you don't." He turned to Alice. "Explain for us, sister."

The sweet smile flittered across her face and she did a little bow to him. It was such a stupid show between them. I finally understood what Jasper meant when he said they enjoyed playing games with the people around then.

"You do know Jasper made the choice to talk to you, right? He made the choice to tell you everything about our family and the secrets they hold. Such a stupid, simple mistake, but his biggest mistake nonetheless. His thoughts have slipped lately; Edward has heard interesting things about you…"

She let that trail off and I stiffened immediately. "Like what?"

Edward tapped his fingers along my desk and closed my laptop as he went. I had no idea why but he did it anyway. "Marie Belle Swans. Does that ring a bell?"

"No," I ground out, but my voice shook again.

"Lying is a disgusting habit, Bella love. I can't allow you to continue with that type of behavior in our relationship," Edward murmured before he came to a stop in front of me again.

"There is no relationship between us," I spat at him.

Alice sighed and Edward grabbed on tight to my arm, dragging me upward and making me stand in front of him. He gripped tight to my jaw and held me in place before kissing me roughly. He used to taste like my very own sugar, now he tasted like cyanide. I hated him, despised him, and loathed him completely.

"Stop," I mumbled against his lips, pushing him away.

"Listen," he roared at me and I flinched back, falling down on the bed and sitting in a position that I hoped would keep him away. "We know everything Bella. About the family, about you and everything that came after Lee."

"No," I whispered. "Leave me alone." I sounded so fucking weak and pathetic. I put myself in this position by getting involved in a world that I wasn't even supposed to be a part of. Now I was paying the price for it. It seemed so unfair. I needed help. "You don't know anything."

"Oh, but we do," Alice's tinkling voice sounded again from beside me.

Edward pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and threw it at me. A picture of a young toddler, looking about a little over a year old and walking across the front yard to a house I had visited many times stared back at me. I sobbed and flicked the picture away.

"No," I whimpered. "Leave Lysen alone."

The name shot pain through my womb. A child, a little boy. My little boy. _Lee's son. _Empty pain; pain I deserved but had finally forgotten for so long. My pain. My child. Our child.

"I will," Edward murmured softly, the tenderness in his voice shocked me. I felt his finger tips brushing along the wet tears spilling down my face. "But first, you do what I want. Understand?"

Terror and disgust shot through me. "How?"

Alice snickered and perched herself on my window ledge. "Jasper isn't the only one with contacts. Of course, once I knew the truth, I needed to see for myself. He's with Lee's family now, huh? How sweet that they just adopted him in secret without anyone else knowing he was Lee's child. You really wanted a clean break, a fresh start. Nothing is perfect, Bella. Nothing can remain private forever."

I gagged at her words. The feeling of entrapment came back with slamming force. "Tell me what to do," I demanded. I just wanted them to leave him alone. I wanted him to never know me, or what had happened before he was born. I wanted a clean, fresh start for him without the horrid truth of what happened to his parents hanging over him.

_God damn it. _

Randomly, Alice spoke up again. "Do you know how much Rosalie would hate you for giving up a child like it was nothing?"

"Shut your fucking stupid mouth," I roared at her. "You have no idea what you're talking about. It wasn't just 'nothing'; it was the hardest decision of my life. I didn't do it for selfish reasons; I did it for him, for my son, for Lee's family."

"Tell me what happened?" Edward asked, leaning against my dresser.

I had no choice anymore. I needed to do as they wanted, so I did. "I was three months pregnant when Lee died. My periods have always been irregular so I never really thought about it. The morning sickness hit hard right after he died but I just assumed it was because of the flashbacks. They had me on anti-depressants and when I went to the hospital for a check up, they did a routine pregnancy test for the meds again and it came back positive. Renee freaked, she called Lee's parents. Some choices were made that was out of my control because I was so emotionally screwed up. It was what they wanted and I just followed along for the most part. I understood though, how giving him up and giving him a new life with a different past was the right choice. I did not do it because I didn't want him; I wanted him more than anything."

I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself.

"He was the last reminder of Lee I ever had."

"You're not to say his name in my presence again," Edward growled suddenly. I flinched at the tone in his voice. "I don't like that you've been with others. It disgusts me, really."

"You're no different," I shot back.

"I will do as I please," he roared. "Without questions from you."

"Okay," I squeaked.

Edward's posture and gaze softened a bit. "Now, would you like our story?" I nodded at his question, figuring I really didn't have any other option. "The day you left school, Alice was watching. We heard everything; it's nice to finally know the answers to some questions. It's great for us as well, seeing as how it played right into our hands. Anyway, Jasper's thoughts have been focusing on you more and more, he doesn't even realize it. It's too bad you couldn't just tell him, this might have been avoided, for you anyway. Alice and I started the issue at school, knowing full well the events that it would lead up to. You again, did exactly as expected. Alice tipped off Tanya about my involvement with you and she did her own little thing. Once we had the necessary information from Jasper, and the truth from our contacts, she took her short trip to visit little Lysen."

I shuddered. I didn't like that she had been so close to my son, at all. "Leave him out of this," I repeated.

_Jasper, help me…_

"I already told you we will," Edward growled. "Anyway, it's simple. I want you for eternity; you're to be changed after graduation. We can get married, maybe separate from the family for a while until you're controlled and we both _understand _my position in our relationship."

He was fucking deluded. He was insane. My stomach twisted violently at how this situation had come to be. I was disgusted but I played along. I had no choice. "Anything else?"

Edward smiled and I felt the bile rise again. "Say goodbye to Jasper, Bella. I don't want to see you looking at him, let alone talking to him. You're mine; you know this."

Alice flittered into a vision and shot a look at Edward. "He's calmed enough now. He is about two miles away and coming back. Should I leave and interrupt him?"

I knew then she was talking about Jasper. "No, let's let Bella tell him what she's decided." Edward turned back to me and smiled sinisterly. "Don't think you can secretly have Jasper help you or your son, Bella. We have others- like us- waiting if need be. I would hate to kill your child because you can't follow my rules. Are we clear?"

Absolute terror washed over me when the words 'kill' and my child were placed in the same sentence. There was no choice for me, not when it came down to that. Without a second thought I would give up everything and anything that meant something to me for my child, to keep him safe. He was my life, my flesh and blood and the reason I breathed.

"Crystal," I said, standing up. There was nothing Jasper could do now. I was stuck in a position where the things that meant the most to me were in danger and unless I could figure out a way to remove Alice and Edward, I was fucked.

….

Jasper's deep growl resonated through the house. I shivered at the sound but Edward pushed me forward. Alice was leaning against the table and watching me with a small smile on her lips.

"Jas, we're in the entrance. If you could come in here for a minute, please," I whispered, trying to keep my voice calm.

"Center those emotions down," Edward hissed in my ear. "I know you were taught meditation techniques. Use them." I was, and desperately hoping it was centering on something just beyond hope.

"Isabella," Jasper called before stopping immediately when Edward and I rounded the corner. "Get out," he hissed at Edward.

Edward shook his head and toyed with a lock of my hair. "No, brother, I think Bella has something to tell you first."

Jasper looked at me warily, his body was tense and ready to attack but it was a bad situation for him to try. Alice slipped around the corner as well, as if to tell him there was another added to the mix.

I spoke calmly, trying my best to make him listen to me carefully and not react. "Edward and I have decided to resume our relationship."

"What?" Jasper asked, his voice barely a whisper but sounding confused and maybe even hurt. "Isabella, tell me what is wrong, right now."

Another deep breath came from me and I nodded. "You heard correctly. It is in my best interests, for the future, to stay with him."

"And she loves me of course," Edward murmured against my hair.

The gagging feeling returned but I held it back. "Yes, I love him." Even to me it sounded robotic.

"Isabella," Jasper called.

I was already walking away and back up to my room. He called my name again but resounding growls echoed throughout. There was nothing I could do. My child meant more to me than anything else and I needed to protect that. Jasper couldn't help me here.

"Leave, _Jas, _please," I murmured before closing my door, knowing he would hear me and maybe know the person I needed him to be.

….

I stood in my bedroom and looked at the printed picture lying on the floor. It was a rash decision; split second so hopefully Alice wouldn't see it but maybe it wouldn't work. I grabbed the photo, folded it up quickly and shoved it into the side pocket of the book bag Jasper had been keeping in my room for a change of clothes when needed. I knew Edward or Alice would take the bag with them when they went and give it to Jas, another reminder of how bad we fucked up.

I needed that photo to do something for Jasper, to make him see what no one else would because they'd never suspected something that glaringly obvious.

Alice and Edward slipped into my bedroom a while later. I was confused and broken well past my limit.

_How? Why? My fault. Always mine._

I want to scream or cry, maybe even both right then. He had me caught in a position that he knew I couldn't and wouldn't get out of. If smashing every bone in my hand when I hit him meant it might hurt him, I was willing to do it.

He smiled at me, sinisterly and a cold shiver of disgust crept along the length of my spine. "Oh come on, love. Don't act like you have no care for me at all," he said in that honey sweet voice.

The shiver came back but I still refuse to dignify him with an answer. He deserved nothing from me. Feeling trapped in like a caged animal because of his twisted sense of desire and needs had me backtracking in fear.

Yet, I was confined. He and she both pushed on the right strings to make me bend to what they wanted

"You look so…" His finger tapped on his stone lips in mock query. "Restricted," he finished with a smirk at Alice.

She giggled and I sat down on the end of my bed. "Maybe even a bit miserable too," she stated mockingly in a high sing song way.

_How did I let this happen? My fault. I let this happen. Jasper, why couldn't I just trust you enough?_

Edward moved in front of me in a blink. I shrunk away from his body, not wanting for him to touch me at all. Two of his fingers slid along the bottom of my chin before he tilted my face up to look him in the eyes.

_Black. Cold. Horrific. Terrifying. Like death's package all wrapped up with pretty paper. I hate you for doing this to me. Why did you do this to me? _

"I told you he couldn't babysit you forever," he whispered. "You're mine."

…..

Weeks passed by. I wasn't sure how many, none of it mattered. I did as I was told and acted as I was expected without question or conflict. For Lysen, it was worth it. I did what I needed to, the only thing I could do. Jasper reached out to me often as did Emmett and Rosalie. I pushed them all away and moved back into the shell of Bella who was the picture perfect conformity that Edward desired the most.

Jasper questioned me daily. I'd almost feel Edward's eyes watching me as he did so. School was the hardest; it was the easiest for Jasper to find me alone. I pushed him away, again and again without answers.

He fought back but nothing mattered. His constant questions and demanding of answers put a hard strain in his family. Emmett and Rose knew something was wrong, just as Jasper did, yet Esme and Carlisle acted as though this was the best decision Edward and I could have made together.

_How could they be so glaringly stupid?_

I watched Jasper slowly turn bitter against me again. I wasn't sure if he knew what was wrong and was trying to protect himself or if he had put himself into a place where that was just easier to do. It made it easier on me to be able to push him away when I needed to, that was for sure.

Charlie hated Edward. He hated what he did to me all over again but my constant lies and fake smiles had my father backing down and hoping for the best. Jake tried to push his way through. Edward put a stop to that as quickly as he could.

I wanted to vomit.

A few days passed by and I hadn't seen Jasper once. Edward and I were sitting in my room and I was working on homework assignments.

Daring to ask and suffer his hard backlash of words, I did. "Where is Jasper?"

Edward smirked at me and it shot fear into me harder than ever before. "Jasper has left town."

"I'm sorry?"

"He was asked to leave the family for a while."

_Jasper rounded the corner in the hallway at school and I turned and moved in the woman's bathroom to avoid him. I should have known it wouldn't work. He slipped in the door as well before growling at a girl who was washing her hands and looking at him disgusted for being in the bathroom. _

"_Get out," he hissed at her. She let out a yelp and quickly left. He turned back to me and his eyes were black. I felt my lip quiver. "Tell me, right now, Isabella. I want to know what is goin' on, right fuckin' now!" Apparently his accent felt like making an appearance. _

"_I can't," I whimpered. I knew he wanted to look for it, he wanted to look for the answers but Alice would see and that would put my son in more danger. I couldn't let him do that. "I take back what I said, Jas, you can't go looking for it."_

"_Don't do that to me," he pleaded almost brokenly. "You don't know what I am capable of."_

_It didn't matter. Alice and Edward had been threatening me enough; holding my son's very life over my head daily as a reminder of what I needed to do. I regretted putting the picture in his backpack but he hadn't found it yet, and I was hoping he wouldn't find it until I figured something out that would help me. _

"_Promise me you won't look for it," I begged. It was like something inside me speaking for me. Whatever it was, the pull deep inside told me Jasper wouldn't break a promise, not to me. It was instinctual. I felt it strong. "Promise me, God damn it," I demanded more forcefully. _

_He gritted his teeth and I watched the conflict. "I need..."_

"_I'll figure a way out, _I promise_," I stressed. "Now promise me." This was for my son, my heart and soul. Someday, Jasper would understand, I needed to have some faith in that fact. _

"_Fine, I promise."_

I stood up and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door closed and trying to breathe deep enough to calm myself. Nothing worked. I retched violently and my stomach rid itself of everything inside.

I was trapped and Edward knew it. He opened the bathroom door before looking down at me in disgust and shaking his head.

"You're lying," I hissed. If he was gone, then he gave up. Jasper wouldn't look, he promised and his word meant everything to me. He wouldn't break that trust. I assumed the photo was left behind, and any hope I may have had that would give Jasper the truth without pushing him right into the path of my child had disappeared. If he did search and find him, Lysen would be killed.

"Jasper _is_ gone, Bella. That must be a sad slap in the face for you."


	11. Chapter 11

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 11: Chapter 11**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart.**

* * *

**Jasper POV**

_Why did I run? Because I was scared. Of what? The human. Why? I don't know. _

Those same questions were a constant inside my mind now, like a sad song on repeat. Somehow I had managed to become weaker and scared. She'd touched me so softly, gently, caringly. Her emotions had raged hard, slamming into me like fire and ice, melting my core and burning my mind. She didn't love me, but damn close. Why that scared me, I wasn't sure.

She had scared me more in that moment than ever before. I wanted her to touch me again. I wanted to kiss her. I shouldn't want those things. Nothing good could come of it. But I was stupid and I ran instead. It gave me an out and a chance to think. It gave them the perfect time to get past me.

The human girl had that effect on me. Everything else became inconsequential and I did what I needed. I fucked up. Badly.

I had finally been able to corner her at school again earlier in the day. The women's bathroom had become her prison as I pushed her again. The situation was turned around on me instead. _Promise me. _Now I was completely left without.

I wandered aimlessly through the woods. How many times had I done just that this week alone? Sixteen. Sixteen Goddamned times, again and again, still, I had no answers.

The fact that I _cared _enough to want the answers bothered me more than anything. If the insignificant human girl wanted to throw her life away, literally, for whatever reason, it was her choice and should be counted as such. Yet something, _something _was poking me and it felt like a knife in my back.

A strong stench of wolf passed with the wind and I turned my wandering direction that way. Jacob usually did his parole of the border line about this time. It was another thing I had found myself doing without reason or question. I'd find the mutt and talk to him. I needed to know if he had any news, anything _good. _

The whole situation was beyond the definition of fucked up. Somehow I knew they were holding something over her. They had to and it had to be _huge. _It wasn't fair that she'd made me promise not to look.

It gave me a huge complex. How was I supposed to take that? If she couldn't tell me, I was encouraged to look for it. That would be nothing more than a quick phone call and the fax of files, except she revoked that on me and I had nothing to go on and the promise I made stuck to my tongue.

_Trust me. Know me. Believe me. Understand me. Damn it. _

And somehow, before all of this, something else happened. Isabella amused me, contented me, pushed me, and scared me. The depth of my emotions was something even I was unsure of. For an empath, that's a pretty awkward thing to feel.

_Do you love her? No. _

I had felt love, several times from many different people directed at others with endless levels but I couldn't bring myself to compare what I felt for the human to what others felt for their loves. She was something else entirely and I didn't think for a minute it was love. But if it wasn't love I felt, then it was something close, or more, or less. I didn't know. I knew nothing.

_Loyalty? Maybe. Do you feel a sense of obligation? Yes. _

Great. I had finally resorted to talking and answering myself and the internal thoughts that raged. I was happy in the knowledge that Edward was far enough away not to hear them because he'd be having an emotional giddy fit about the whole thing.

I hated him. If I got my wish, the golden child of the last half century would get a strong reminder of why you didn't fuck with what stuck close to me. He seemed to have forgotten the first lesson about Alice. Not that she mattered any longer; no more than another nuisance to rid myself of.

Alice was in my way too. I'd already proved how little I thought of her if needed.

I stopped two inches from the borderline and whistled low. Ironic as it was, the russet wolf came running at the sound. His ears were bent back low and his back was taught and straight, tail down.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately, feeling the strong wave of unease from him. A low whine came in response. I didn't understand it but his emotions gave off nothing to indicate the immediate sense of danger. "Is it Isabella again?"

He nodded his head and I sat down on a fallen log for a minute to think. Jacob had been put in the same position as me. He wasn't allowed contact with Isabella unless we found a way around it. He had tried several times to get their fathers together and somehow make the human tag along, yet she never did. It was her perfect out but she never took it.

One of the two was always close by. If Edward needed to hunt, Alice was perched outside Isabella's window. The only thing that did change was that little fact. Isabella refused to be too close to Alice for any given reason. It was like there was a safe distance she had created for herself, despite the fact it wouldn't work, she stuck to it.

Somehow I found myself glad to know she recognized some danger there. Something was telling her to stay away.

"No good news then?" I asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

Another low whine that whistled like a distinct 'no' came forth.

"God damn it!"

My roar was so loud it shook the trees and leaves fell around us. Jacob braced for an attack beside me out of instinct but I wasn't interested in hurting him. I was so angry, hurt, disappointed and a million other different emotions that I didn't have the patience or need to describe. A human feels one emotion at a time. They can change rapidly, but you get the one feeling before another one hits.

We weren't so lucky. My emotions slammed and swirled, beating at each other like it was a contest for which was the strongest. I wanted to focus on the rage, bring it forth and let it control. Yet the depth of my sadness and hurt ran so deep, that it overtook the anger instead.

I was so fucking confused, so lost… just gone.

A wet muzzle hit my outstretched opened palm. I didn't even know why I had it open or what I was waiting to catch. Instincts ruled me completely. I was known to let my body take control when my mind couldn't handle the reality.

_Was this me asking for help?_

No. I wasn't the type to ask for help. I always found a way to win. I never lose.

_You're losing this one…_

"You will do anything," I stated it as it was because I hadn't meant it as a question. The wet nose moved up and down. "Good."

Curiosity flowed strongly from the wolf and I waved my hand for him to go phase and come back. I watched him go find a bushy enough thicket to hide from view and then heard the sounds of his bones shifting and popping. I always wondered how it felt when the wolves changed back and forth, yet I wasn't that morbid enough to ask.

The shuffled of fabric could be heard by my ears and then footsteps before Jacob came back into my view. Again, he was only wearing cut off sweats and nothing else.

"Doesn't it bother you to walk around like that all the time?" I asked purely interested.

He made a face and shrugged. "Really I just try not to think about it."

I made a snorting sound before the boy sat down beside me. "I need you to tell me what I don't know," I explained.

Technically, I wasn't breaking my promise. If Jacob just told me, I wasn't out searching for it and no one would ever know. I was safe with the wolves and he knew it. Safe from visions and Edward was no longer welcomed by them since the recent issues with Isabella. Jacob must have known something regarding that time, he had to.

"I know only of the name and the place, that's it," he muttered sadly. He growled and clenched his hands. "You know what really pisses me off?" When I didn't answer, he continued anyway. "I told her to talk to you so many times. I begged her to let you in."

That shocked me to my core. Still she hadn't trusted me even when my designed mortal enemy was basically telling her it was the wise choice. Did she really think that little of me?

I whipped a rock into a nearby tree trunk, effectively putting a large gaping hole straight through it. Still, my aggression was high and the anger levels were dangerously soaring and border lining on out of control.

"Just go to Seattle. I can give you directions. Use that fancy money of yours and pay people to talk," Jacob growled.

I glared at him and he shrunk back at the sight. "I can't. She made me promise not to."

"So break it," he hissed.

I couldn't. I didn't know why but I just could not bring myself to do that. "I can't," I repeated solemnly.

"Then give me the money to do it," he shot out suddenly.

"I can't, it wouldn't work," I repeated.

His large hand shoved my shoulder and I tipped off the log surprised. He was lucky I enjoyed his company or I would have ripped an arm off him for that move. I hated being surprised by another's actions. It showed weakness and I was anything but weak.

"Don't do that again," I warned before sitting back down.

"You're all flustered. Your mind isn't where it normally should be. Something has you thinking differently and it kind of sucks," he grumbled after a minute. "It's costing us both Bella."

It wasn't costing me anything but a friend really. I didn't count myself as the type to have many friends but she fit snugly into that category and maybe a couple others.

"They are holding something over her," I said near a whisper, as if the trees could hear and would spread the word. "I need to find out what it is without finding it out directly myself because they watch me constantly. Does that even make sense?"

"Not really," he replied in the same tone but then added, "you'll find a way, it's just who you are."

The weight of our reality in the situation washed over us both again and I poured sadness and defeat into the air. "I don't think so."

"Don't give up just yet," Jacob said with a small smile.

…..

I left him not long after, making my way quickly back to the house. I settled my mind on mundane things like hunting, reading, music and school. Keeping my mind occupied with revolving choices and decisions around only those things kept the two bastards out of my way for a short while.

They had both been at the house when I left. With it being a weekend, Edward had brought Isabella to the house again but she had been sleeping fitfully upstairs with Edward looming in the room with her. It was like he baited her in front of us all, but the command he held over her had made the situation seem like we had went back in time. She was quiet, barely made eye contact, answered with the simplest of things and that usually consisted of 'yes' or 'no'.

Emmett was steeping in his anger. Rosalie was no better off. Both had pushed their own issues aside to watch the spectacle that was Edward and Alice for a while. Finally, someone else other than me was seeing what I had for years. They were manipulative, conniving and just evil when they wanted to be. Yet, none of us could do anything without some confirmation from Isabella.

Something pushed me hard into listening to her. A pull deep in my darkened, battered and dead soul told me to listen to the tiny human girl. She seemed so insignificant to my life most times and other times she became the main focus for everything. I rarely ever felt the pull but when I did, I tended to listen to it.

Call it instinct. Identify it along with trust. Shove it in beside longing and round it into bewilderment.

Nothing made sense yet, but I knew the pieces would have to fall into place eventually. Our life consisted of nothing but a waiting game. We may be immortal to an extent but there was always a means to an end. We could and would end eventually. I wasn't ignorant enough to think that could never happen.

A waiting game. Let the pieces fall where they may.

Rosalie was just leaving the house as I returned. She shot me a hesitant smile before rerouting herself over to me for a moment. We stayed far enough away to speak at levels too low for anyone else to hear.

"Em's playing on his X-box and Esme is out in the garden. Alice just went into the shower and you know how long that takes. Carlisle left ten minutes ago for work and Edward went hunting for a couple hours," she murmured, filling me in on what we termed 'necessities' for that exact purpose.

Emmett and Rosalie had resorted to helping me get as much alone time with Isabella as possible without Edward or Alice being near or if possible, finding out. I had been getting the distinct feeling from the girl that a little more pressure would have her cracking. I just needed the tiniest of cracks to rip apart the foundation.

_Break for me, Sugar. Tell me what you need. _

"Isabella?" I asked in return.

"With Esme," she replied.

I smiled in triumph and kissed Rose's cheek before we separated quickly. I had no time to waste in the situation. Alice usually took a good hour to shower and the constant thrumming of the water in our ears made it hard to focus on sounds outside of our direct area. Isabella and I would be safe to speak outside if the tone was hushed.

I just needed to get Esme out of the way.

Without even bothering to go inside the house as it could alert Alice of my return, I slipped around the side wall and moved into the gardens. I watched silently for a moment, enjoying the sight I was beholding.

The human, with a light dust of sweat shimmering on her skin, plucked away happily at weeds with Esme. Both were murmuring quietly to one another and for a moment, it seemed like things were normal for them both. There was no one demanding Esme's presence or her motherly ways. She was just doing something that calmed her and she truly enjoyed being within the walls of her gardens. Isabella was away from those who terrified her to the core. She wasn't looking over her shoulder for permission or confirmation for her actions.

I wanted to see so much more of this, forever if possible.

_Crack for me, Sugar. Let me help you. _

"Your son died around this time of year, right?" Isabella asked quietly.

I flinched at the words but Esme didn't even break stride with her movements or expressions. Even her emotional atmosphere stayed calm and it surprised me. I wondered what effect the human girl had on her that she felt at ease to talk about that difficult subject.

"Yes, two days ago actually. I'm surprised you remembered," Esme supplied. Isabella's mouth opened but she closed it shut. I watched her brow furrow in wonder before Esme finally stopped and turned to look at her. "Ask me anything, child. Don't be afraid."

A shaky breath came from Isabella before she finally spoke, her voice cracking a bit. "How does it feel, to lose a child?"

The question was so unexpected that it even shocked Esme. I watched her place her hands in her lap before she calmed herself enough to speak. "Words could never describe the pain I felt and still feel. It's one of the very few human memories I've managed to retain and it still feels as raw as it did then. I see his little pink face and remember how healthy I thought he was and then nothing. Empty."

"Empty," the human echoed.

"Empty arms. Empty house. Empty womb. Just empty. Gone."

Isabella looked over at who was supposed to be the matriarch of our family. Esme was silently breaking down again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was an innocent enough question," Esme whispered sadly before adding, "though why you would want to know, I can't understand."

The human shrugged. "I guess I wonder if that's how I'll feel after I'm changed and the ability of giving life is taken away. Empty."

Esme's eyes flickered over to me. I knew she had known I was there. It was a difficult task to walk up on a vampire. "Do you want my honest opinion, or what you'd like to hear?" She asked, keeping those golden eyes on me.

"I'm not sure," Isabella replied, busying herself with weeds.

"Nothing can take the place of what you have had or could have. The things you try to use just become subtle reminders of what you can't actually have. It's a constant knife in your heart that burns like acid rain on your skin. Some who have the power to affect your life can see the truths and you don't blame them for keeping quiet. Somehow you see that they hold more pain within from keeping your secrets than allowing themselves the release of giving it out. Those who know you, hold you without ever knowing it and maybe without care."

"I do," I whispered low enough for only Esme to hear.

She continued on without missing a beat though. "Others become focused on the smile and walls you build that replenish on impact. Nothing breaks through, it's always concrete. They derive comfort and pleasure in your lies because it keeps them contented enough. But I'm always a little empty. I always miss what I can't have; what I'll never have again."

I felt like she was talking to me, through me, about me and in a roundabout way, herself and Isabella too. There were many things that became lost on me in the discussion because of Esme's simple words but it seemed irrelevant at the time.

Esme glanced back at the human as Isabella spoke. "I don't want to be… _empty_."

Those words broke my heart for reasons I was still unsure of. A small amount of sadness leaked into my surroundings, compliments of my gift but the two women didn't seem to notice the subtle change in emotions.

_How can they? Both are caught up in heartbreak themselves. _

Standing up at a speed too quick for Isabella to see, she turned to me and smiled faintly. "Maybe you won't, Sweetheart."

Finally focusing on the area Esme was walking, Isabella's eyes met mine and a spark of fear coursed through her before her eyes shifted towards the house. Focusing my energy on the peace I wanted her to feel, I forced those emotions to break through the barrier of her own before I felt nothing but numbness in response. I hated when she felt numb. Anything was better than numb.

Esme didn't bother going back into the house. She shot me a knowing look before rounding the corner of her gardens and leaving my view. It was a good possibility that Esme had been watching and listening a lot more as of late. On one side I was ecstatic, she was another person I could use to my advantage if needed. She obviously held a soft spot for Isabella as well.

Isabella's sharp tone had my attention again. I moved lightening quick to stand in front of her. "I need you to just leave me alone, Jasper," she hissed.

Anger. Overwhelming anger and fear coursed from her. Without thinking it through, I reached out and traced her cheek, sending strong waves of different emotions, one at a time and shifting them quickly, through to her as I did so. Her body leaned into my touch and I knew it wasn't something she could help. She was no better off than I, except she hid it better.

"Talk quietly," I whispered. "We're safe."

She barked out a laugh and shook her head frantically before sitting down on the log. "We're never safe. She's seeing this right now. He'll find out later. It's a vicious never-fucking-ending circle. It's my entire fault," Isabella whimpered.

I sat down as well, trying to let my anger dissipate. It didn't work like I wanted. "All you need to do is trust me. Tell me. Just give me something to go on," I growled.

Again, she only shook her head frantically. "You would never understand. The rules that govern how you make your choices would ruin my very life. I'd blame you, hate you, forever. I don't want to do that. Please don't make me do that."

She quivered, shook and tears fell silently. My jaw clenched and my mind flew in a hundred different directions of what her statement could possibly mean. Nothing made sense. Nothing added up to anything worthwhile.

"I can't move heaven and hell but I'm fuckin' trying. I don't even know why I care or what reasons justify me helping you. You give me nothing in return. You're not helping in the slightest. Everything you do makes this harder. Do you just enjoy him and the control? Is that the fuckin' problem?"

I was being bitter again, hateful and spiteful. It worked for me. It helped to make the situation easier when she was so angry she didn't want to look at me. I never blamed myself for staying away when she loathed me. It made it easier to walk away.

"You don't understand what it feels like to have everything and nothing at the same time. My life means nothing and Edward can take it if I get what I want from it. My most precious gift is being dangled…" she trailed off before more tears fell and tiny sobs wracked her body.

_Crumble for me, Sugar. Let me get inside. _

"Your most precious gift?" I asked confused.

The tears stopped as she realized what she had said and anger pulsed again. "You promised. I'm holding you to it. Look for it and I guarantee you'll regret the choice for eternity, Jasper."

I stood up quickly and turned to face her, crouching low and holding her face between my hands roughly as if to force her eyes to meet with mine. "I have already done many things I will forever regret. Adding one more to the pile won't affect me like you think."

Her lip quivered and I bit my tongue to stop myself from pulling her closer. _Tell me._

"But it will kill me forever. _Can you do that?_"

Her few words hit me like bricks falling down again and again. Could I hurt her like that? No. Because I was to fucking weak. I allowed myself to care about someone who should have held no particular importance to my life. Yet she did, somehow. I wasn't completely sure on her place but it was important.

The pull in my instinct-ruled mind had me agreeing with her and I hated it. "I hate that I care too much and you don't care enough. I want to save you and I don't know why. You don't seem to fuckin' care."

"Maybe it's worth it," she whispered.

At those words I let her go and stood back up, turning and running back to the woods at a speed far too fast for her to see. Again, I had been left feeling like I couldn't handle the situation being placed at my feet. I had never been a coward. I never pussy footed around a subject. I was overly blunt and harsh to an ignorantly honest point that broke hearts and slapped truths.

I'd done that enough to her.

….

Time moves slowly for a vampire. It moves slower when you're unhappy, angry and confused. I watched quietly. Listened for timing and convenience. I refused to let go, stepping in when I had the chance and pushing her harder. I wondered if I could get her to break. I wondered what it would take.

I stared at the phone in my hand as Jacob stood beside me. We still met regularly but nothing ever came of it. I hated useless time wasted and I had forever to waste time.

"Call it," he muttered. "They can't see you right now. You're with me."

That was about all he understood of Alice's visions. "Just because she can't see this direct situation doesn't mean she can't see the influences around this situation. I make a call, he'll answer and then more events are put into motion. She sees _all of that,_" I explained.

I had been debating for the last two days on whether or not I should make the call to Jenks for the information I needed. It was a bad idea and I knew it, yet I had thought discussing it with Jacob would be a good idea. It wasn't. He didn't think tactically about anything. He was still too young to see every possible outcome in a situation. He only saw the destination he wanted to arrive at.

"Oh," he said sadly. "Well… _shit_."

"Yeah." The phone made its way back into my pocket for the time being. "Have you talked to Sam about forcing them onto the reservation?" I asked after a minute.

It was another option we had discussed together. It was one I liked the most and Jacob liked the least. Forcing Charlie and Isabella past the treaty line created a barrier between us all and them. It meant they would be safe and all Jacob would need to do was get Isabella at an opposite point of where I could get her.

"He won't risk the tribe. It poses the factor of Alice or more likely Edward passing the treaty line. There are too many people who would be put in danger because of it," the boy reasoned.

I snarled in aggravation. "What about their danger?" I asked hatefully.

Sam and I never did see eye to eye. Even when we had meetings with the pack and our family. He was a hot head, even if the others didn't see it. He was power hungry and overly zealous about his high position in the pack. Where they were supposed to act as a team, he worked for himself first. The pack had their secrets as well. I didn't care enough about them to dwell on it.

"Sorry man," Jacob replied.

It didn't matter really. That choice would have the same disastrous consequences that any other one would. Decisions, choices, actions, events. It all revolved together. Just like a vicious fucking circle.

….

I always thought it odd how the family chose to have a game night. I guessed it was another of those human things Carlisle liked to maintain within our group. Usually it ended with Emmett cheating his way through to make it end quicker. He liked his own games and fun. That didn't involve paper money and a game board.

Rosalie and I were battling it out with a game of chess. It was a strategic game that I could allow my useful ability of planning to come out and play. We had twelve boards set up in rows of three; six boards for me and six for her. The rules were far too complicated for any human to really get a grasp on, but Isabella was watching us fascinated in the corner where she was supposed to be playing Monopoly with the rest.

I kept her trained in my peripherals while my mind worked all the ways to beat Rose.

"Damn it," Rose hissed, realizing her last mistake before flipping her chess piece over to admit defeat.

I smiled and rocked back on my crouched heels, happy at my win for the moment. Isabella radiated amusement, confusion and glee at my win. I couldn't help but shoot her a small smile at the emotions.

Waves of anger and jealousy poured from Edward. He glared disdainfully at the human girl and once she realized her mistake, she shrunk back into the shell. I missed the times I had with her. When she joked freely, enjoyed her own voice and rivaled me with snarky comments. All in all, I just genuinely enjoyed her presence. Edward pissed me off.

Alice smirked beside Edward who turned back to the human with a sardonic smile. I held back the growl in my chest.

"Bella, love," Edward murmured.

"Yes." It was a robotic response with a fake smile to match. The usual.

"I wanted to discuss some things with you tonight. The entire family is here and I think it's the best time, of course. It affects them as well and they should be involved."

My fingers clenched and I worked the chess pieces around on the board again to start a new game. I needed a distraction. Rosalie sensed my dilemma and started the game by moving a pawn.

"Okay. What would you like to talk about?" She asked sweetly.

"I know you dislike the thought of marriage…"

Isabella choked on air and my fists clenched tighter, nails digging into the granite skin I called my own.

"Jas," Rose whispered too low for anyone else to hear.

I followed her move with my own and tried to keep my focus from spinning red. I wasn't even sure on what I was feeling.

_Jealousy? Rage? Concern? Shut up. _

Edward snickered quietly and I pushed a strong wave of fear towards him. He decided to wisely shut up and turn his attention back to Isabella. "As I said… I know you're not fond of the idea of marriage or more so the show of it… but I would like to have the promise from you for marriage within the next few years."

Isabella stayed silent during his speech. Her eyes flickered to me and it wasn't a movement that Edward missed. His own eyes narrowed in anger and in a quick movement he had turned her head back to him. No one acted as if the movement was anything other than loving, but for me, it killed.

"I also wanted to discuss the option of you becoming changed after graduation," Edward finished, his lip curling a tiny bit into a snarl as he looked at me again. He held it back and smiled sweetly at Isabella.

"So you wanted to do this with the family, why?" she asked him.

Curiosity leaked from everyone but I knew why without him even answering. Mostly, it was all for show. He just wanted to give me another reminder of the control he held that I couldn't remove but with the pretty guise of saying the family had a choice. Really, they had no choice. Once Edward made the decision, Carlisle would follow along believing his son only had the best of interests at heart.

Stepping in could cause more horrendous consequences. That instinctual pull was pounding in again. I felt the need to listen, for now.

"Is that what you want?" Carlisle asked the human after a moment of stunned silence.

She stuttered over her words. The distinct feeling of her evolving emotions, changing rapidly that she was now shovelling off centered on feeling trapped and confined. Edward read that in my thoughts and grinned happily. The human felt defeated and fuck if that didn't piss me off more.

"Yes," she finally answered.

An even larger smile graced Edward's face before he kissed Isabella lightly on the lips. "This is good, love. We've finally come to a compromise."

I felt the wet trickle of venom leak down my palm and onto my wrist. I had finally clenched my fists so tightly my nails had broken the granite skin. Rosalie was the first to scent the venom spilled and she shot me a sympathetic look. It burned as the small cuts healed over.

"Jasper, son, are you alright?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded tightly before flipping over my chess piece and waving at Rose. I stood up and turned to Carlisle. "I think I need to hunt. I didn't realize how thirsty I was."

Edward smirked despite himself. He always thought my thirst was a weakness. I never saw it as such. I wasn't ignorant enough to say I had full control over it but it was not a weakness in my strength or character. I choose to feed from animals because the life I lived with the Cullens demanded it. I could handle the onslaught of emotions from my prey but I didn't like to deal with the emotions at home.

"Yes, we wouldn't want you accidentally snacking on my future wife," Edward provoked.

_Go to hell, Edward. I'm sure to meet you there someday but here's to hoping you go first and I'm the one who sends you there, asshole. _

"No, we wouldn't want that," I murmured aloud though I knew Edward heard my thoughts loud and clear.

"Stay away from south-west, Jasy. There are a few hikers out tonight," Alice chirped as I left the house.

I ran aimlessly again, sticking to my normal hunt routes without paying much attention to my surroundings. I was hurting, deeply. I felt like a failure, such a failure. I had never lost, had never been defeated and had never given up when it counted. It seemed like I'd done just that in less than a minute.

I didn't like the feeling it gave off.

As I shot through a herd of deer too quick for them to see, though they separated wildly out of instinct, I grabbed one roughly by the throat and threw it twenty feet ahead where it lay dead and bleeding. The aggression was ebbing at the thought of feeding and I quickly buried my teeth into the hide of the neck, slicing through all the tissue and meat to get to the artery.

Blood pulsed into my mouth with every deep pull I took. It tasted rotten. It usually did. Fighting the natural urge to spit out the blood, I drained the animal and then buried the carcass. For hours I sat outside until the sky darkened completely. My mind was filled with options again. None of them were plausible or worth it.

….

Monday came without incident. Edward stuck to Isabella's home for the rest of the weekend. School was tedious and dragged as it usually did. Nothing really seemed off.

"Bro, could you go to Seattle to pick up some papers for Rose after school?" Emmett asked me during lunch.

Rosalie was discussing partners with her teacher from second period. Apparently they thought Emmett and Rose could do with some healthy time apart, as much as they could control anyway. Rosalie loathed the human boy they were trying to put her with and Emmett was willing to let her fight the battle out with the teacher.

"Why can't you go?" I asked.

A trip to Seattle would do me good though and I knew it. I needed time away from the things that were going on here regardless of how close I tried to constantly put myself with the human girl.

"Date," Emmett answered while picking at his apple and making it look eaten. "I had this planned out for a month now and she just got the call earlier about the papers for this new kid…"

"I'll go. I just don't want to know anything about it," I muttered.

I didn't mind picking up the papers but I wasn't going to sit around and discuss Rosalie's other activities. I didn't want to be too involved if shit went down eventually. Not that I couldn't get out of it by using money or a new identity but that wasn't the point. Rose made her choices. They weren't the same as mine.

I handed him my phone and he typed the address of the pick-up into my built in GPS. Edward and Isabella walked into the cafeteria, her head hung low and giving off the same feeling of numbness that she had before. I wanted to rip his head off just for that. She looked defeated, exhausted and all around miserable.

"I think I'm going to go outside. Watch her tonight for me when you get back," I told him quickly.

"Always," he replied.

…..

Emmett waited outside of the school with his keys in hand. "We'll go home with pretty boy and Alice," he told me. "Rose's M3 can take us where we need to go from there."

"Have fun," I winked.

"Of course."

I pulled out of the school parking lot at high speeds, just catching a glimpse of Isabella coming out of the school's front entrance. The tiny smile on her features had me grinning to myself and waving at her in my rear-view, even if she hadn't seen it, I knew.

I had been a prick to her of late. It was easier to do that everything else I had tried to do. But I was still trying to figure out something that seemed impossible. I cared, that was all that mattered for me.

The pick-up in Seattle went easy enough. Rose hadn't called to inform the male who had the papers that there would be someone other than her or Emmett picking it up. After a call to interrupt their 'date', I was finally on my way home. It was dark and quiet. The road had barely any drivers on it at all. I reveled in the peacefulness of it all, finally being able to allow my mind to freely flow without the threat of Edward hanging on every thought.

A car's four way flashers blinked in the distance. The little bit of gentlemanly persuasion that I had left in me pushed for me to pull over when I saw the female struggling with a new tire beside a flattened one. I pulled over and got out, shooting a hesitant smile at the woman who wasn't afraid of me at all.

Lack of self preservation was never good but she needed help. She looked to be in her early thirties, brunette with brown eyes and a ring on her finger. Pretty for a human woman and she looked reserved.

"You looked to be a strugglin', ma'am," I said as I came up closer. I always put a little strength in my accent when talking to humans who didn't know me or our family.

"Yes, my husband taught me how to change a tire but that was a while ago now," she replied.

"I can help you with that." Within a few minutes I had her tire completely changed and was putting the old ruined one in her trunk. "Most people just recycle them," I explained.

"Yeah, John said that I should always bring it home or whatever," she muttered while digging around in her purse. "I wanted to call him and tell him why I was late."

"I'll get mine from the Jeep, just a second," I said before running at a human's speed back to Em's vehicle.

The phone was sitting in the middle consol. I grabbed it and walked back quickly.

"Damn it. I hope I didn't lose that at the restaurant," she cried desperately. "Maybe it's in the car."

"Just use mine to call yours," I laughed, trying to keep the human calm without the use of my gift.

"Are you sure?"

"Not a problem," I smiled.

She opened the driver's door and dialed her number with mine. The faint ringing sound came from the closed truck. I chuckled as she sighed out loud. I wasn't even sure how I missed it in the trunk but nonetheless. She popped the trunk and handed me back my phone before stumbling out of the car in a rush as the pants she was wearing caught on her heel and she fell forward.

I caught her roughly with one arm, trying to hold onto the cell she had handed me. Her arm scraped against the pavement, leaving it raw and bleeding a bit. I might have been okay if I had another couple of feet for distance between us.

The scent wasn't too heady because we were outside but the sight of the red blood was intoxicating in itself. It was another one of those situations where my mind didn't want to process so the impulse of nature took over for me.

I fed as she screamed. Coconut, pineapple and a sea's breeze. A tropically mixed flavored blood. Hot, tempting, deliriously delicious. Terror, agony and pain washed over me again and again. My beast ignored it as I fed. It was too late for her anyway. Resignation drifted faintly from the human woman in my arms. I hadn't even stopped to get her name. The stutter of her weakened heart sounded loudly before she went limp. Glassy eyes from death stared back at me as I looked down.

"Fuck," I mumbled, dropping the woman and wiping any blood from my face.

I sat there for a moment, just staring at the scene in front of me. I couldn't believe what I had done. My mind wasn't connecting with my body. I just sat on the pavement and stared. I kept my ears trained though, listening for any on coming vehicles. Nothing was close.

The phone on the ground rang the chirpy ring tone I had designated for Alice's number. I thought about ignoring it for a second but Alice was always the first to call when something like this happened she always gave me the information for what I would need to expect at home.

Out of habit I picked it up. "Yeah," my dull but shocked voice answered.

"I saw you making the choice to stop. Everything else was split second choices. I just seen you sitting there now. Em, Carlisle, and Edward are on their way to help clean up. Right now you need to get the cars off the main road. I'm sorry, Jasy."

I didn't even bother to say anything else, instead just hanging up the phone and shoving it into my pocket. I made quick work of shoving the woman into the back seat and finding a dirt road to hide the car. I ran back at full speed to hide any evidence in Em's Jeep before I hid it as well.

My mind was trying to process what all this meant. I slipped. It wasn't the first time since I had been with the family. What bothered me really were the red eyes staring back in the mirror. I had seen them for years and years yet I wondered what Isabella's feelings would be. I didn't want to scare her. I never had.

Twenty minutes passed before the sounds of running in the forest about a mile away could be heard.

"Over here," I yelled for their benefit though I was sure Edward could hear my thoughts anyway. I was fully prepared to hurt him if needed right then.

Carlisle and Emmett came through the wood line first and both were filled with sadness.

"Damn it, Jas," Em mumbled, looking into the car and shaking his head.

Carlisle went to work at making the car look like it had gotten into an accident. "Edward is off finding a deer or something large enough to look like she hit it," he explained.

"And the gaping hole in her neck," Emmett threw in sarcastically.

"Proper placement of the carcass and her body mixed in with just the right amount of broken shards should take care of it if we shove a couple in the wound," Carlisle said. His voice had turned to a whisper and he was avoiding my eyes. His emotions were guarded but hurt at the same time. He was hiding something from me.

"You just couldn't control yourself, could you?" Edward barked out in a disgusted tone from my left. On the outside he was showing anger. Internally he was ecstatic and filled with anticipation.

"Shut the fuck up," I growled.

"Jasper, there is no need for that. Edward came to help. Edward, leave Jasper alone," Carlisle commanded, bending the hood down with his hands and shaping the curve to fit the buck Edward was forcing to lay on the ground.

"Tell him, Dad," Edward smirked.

Emmett looked at me, his eyes hooded with anger as he cleaned out the random things I had shoved into his vehicle. "What?" I asked too low for the others.

"I'll watch her," he said simply before going back to his work.

"What?" I said louder and more forceful, turning my attention back to my leader.

Instead of answering, they both went back to the vehicle, setting up the woman in the front seat before breaking the neck and placing the deer just right against the bent hood and broken window. Edward made scratches along the front where hooves would have hit before they both finally turned to me.

Glass cut the animal and blood poured into the car. It made good for looks. Covering the woman and making it look as if some of it was her blood. That would help to confuse the people who found the car. There would be no investigation. It looked completely real and it was a very plausible situation. It happened all the time.

"Son, Edward brought up the important issue of your control the other day. Though it was just jokingly, he had a point and this proved it. On our way here, it was brought up that perhaps you should leave the family for a while…"

"No," I hissed. "I don't think that's necessary." I couldn't let them do that. Pushing me away from her left her in even more danger. I couldn't just let Edward and Alice have free reign. I was sure that with me being around he kept it lighter on her.

Carlisle stood up straighter at my tone. "Listen for a minute and then you can speak. Graduation is coming soon. Bella will be changed and then you are more than welcome to return. In light of these events son, I think it's better you do leave for a short time. We can't risk Bella. She is just as much our daughter as Rose or Alice."

I wanted to laugh. They had no idea anything about Isabella. "It isn't necessary," I repeated more forcefully.

"This isn't me asking, Jasper," Carlisle replied in a tone that spoke volumes on his position.

He walked past me and got inside the Jeep with Emmett. Edward slowed his pace beside me and smiled in victory. "Think about it, brother. Do you honestly think she wants to see you with red eyes? It will finally give her the full view of the monster that you really are."

His words hit a hard point inside me. I didn't say a word and instead turned and ran. He was right and I didn't want to face that reality. Running got me home quicker than they could drive. On the way there I crushed my phone in my hand and threw the dust into the wind. It was more evidence and the identity used for that phone would be marked as dead soon anyway.

Alice was waiting outside with a backpack I used to hold clothes at Isabella's home. "It's got clothes inside. Go see Peter and Charlotte," she murmured.

I glared hatefully at her. "I can't go. I won't."

Something softened in her eyes and she shrugged. "Don't make them force your leave. It will only cause more problems."

"I will not go. Regardless of what they want. You've caused this whole thing Alice. You and Edward. You couldn't help but play games because someone else was happy and heaven forbid you didn't fuck it up."

That hardened evil gaze came back. "Happy, Jasper? I _was_ happy, a long time ago. Maybe this whole thing did go too far but you got involved in something you should have left alone. I'm doing what's best regardless. I won't say trust me. You never will again. That's fine."

I stared at her confused. Was she admitting her wrongs? Was she helping me? Hurting me? Was this another game?

_I won't say trust me… you never will again. _

"If you stay, nothing changes. If you go, things change."

I could take those words several different ways. I wanted to choke her and hug her.

"Why?" I finally asked.

"Maybe sixty odd years had an effect, despite this now. Maybe I have a little good left in me. Maybe the vileness that I like to play with is ebbing at the thoughts of the future. Maybe I'm just bored with Edward and it's time for me to finally move on from the family. I like a boom, Jasper. I always like to go out with a _boom_."

I still wasn't sure if I could trust her or not. She had ripped that away before and it wasn't something I was so willing to give back.

"Things are difficult and I won't pretend like I will be perfect. We both know that's false. Either way, they'll force the leave. The issue you cause kills the human in the process because you push Edward into taking what he believes belongs to him. Make the choice and stick to it."

I grabbed the bag and turned to leave. The word 'kill' had me running. I seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. Edward could believe what he wanted. He could think all he wanted that they forced the leave but this was my choice, my future. I decided this. Running gave me options. Running gave me time. Running gave me _strength._ Emmett, Rosalie and Esme would keep her safe enough.

I needed time to think and time to plan. More than anything, I needed time to learn why Isabella was so important. I couldn't understand what I felt and I worried I never would.

As of that moment, running was the best option of them all. So I was gone… so fucking gone.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 12: Chapter 12**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03.**

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**Jasper POV**

I fought with myself every step, every mile, and every state I ran through. Turning back felt so much more right that running farther from the human girl ever did. Every inch of my skin screamed to go back, begged to return, commanded to turn around.

The warrior roared for me to fight, rip and tear without caring what the consequences would be. The tactical combatant demanded a plan be devised without escape so the warrior could be free to destroy. The solider recognized the opponent and shoved it forefront to the combatant for reason. The survivor, small but still there, strong without weakness but truthful to the rest justified all with denial in the reality they refused to face before.

I was all and they were one; me. Even though I knew I could win, regardless of the blood, pain and death I would have delivered without restraint or concern, I ran.

I, Jasper Whitlock, warrior in battle, strategist for every victory, solider who led many to success as well as delivered their end, and survivor who endured only to remain triumphant against the worst of them all… ran so Isabella Swan could live.

A human's mind, emotions and actions require one thing at a time before another message could be sent from the brain to alert the next action or change. It happened rapidly, so quickly that it seemed as if it was happening together but it's a singular action unless one action controls two spectrums. A vampire's mind, emotions and actions move at rapid pace and in turn, move several directions at once. The conflict a human feels while in turmoil over a decision holds no bearings to what a vampire feels, sees and hears during their own time of confusion.

Uproar. Mayhem. Pandemonium. Chaos.

There was uproar in my mind, mayhem in the molecules of my body, pandemonium in my emotions and it was all causing chaos to rear its ugly head. I couldn't think right in that state. I couldn't control myself when everything else screamed for upheaval and pleaded, _begged _to abort.

My body turned, just enough for me to know I was turning back.

_Relief. Liberation. Exact. _

Despite knowing it was what I wanted something else pushed my other half to continue. I was locked in the position of being half turned to return to Washington or continuing through the last fifteen miles to Peter and Charlotte's. I was frozen in place like a perfectly carved statue with scars of a lifelong past, the only proof of my matter was the air that blew through my curls and fell across my eyes.

_Uproar. _

_Go back. Kill him. Kill her. Kill them all. Destroy. End. Finish. Hurt. Enjoy it, revel in it,_ bathe _in it for Christ's sake. Make him watch while you rip all his appendages off and burn them slowly. Force her submission as you untangle the web of pain she created before you remind her of the past she's lied to protect her existence from. Ruin them all with their secrets, taste their venom as it coats your teeth and burns their skin. Make them know what you went through, what you're capable of, what you survived and strive to fight against constantly. End them for Isabella. _

_Mayhem._

_Yes. Yes. _Yes._ Foolproof. Unbreakable. Strong. Go back. None of them matter. None of them are of consequence. You can't be defeated, it's concrete. It's the smartest, best option. She doesn't understand the strength you possess, the ability to turn off emotion and do what is required to win… The human will forgive. She's more than capable. Her blatant refusal of showing trust or giving you proper and correct information as to the issue involved proves her standing in this. Still… she's important. Go back and destroy the issues. The strategy involved is simple; kill to defend and acquire. _

_Pandemonium. _

_Stand up, be it alone if needed. It's not as if it matters. I never lose. I never will. I can't fail; failure isn't a possibility for me. I want the victory; I need to feel it, taste it, and smell it when they burn. This is what I need… give me what I need. Powerful and intentional; he'll expect it, cower from it, try to hide and run from it but hiding only prolongs what I will provide. Fight. I want to fight and win. Devastate. I want to hear him beg and scream through the pain. Go back. _

_Chaos. _

_You know why you want to go back. You know why you would kill for her without second thoughts to the actions or what those people have meant to you over the years. You know. Why does she scare you? Strength of character, knowledge of pain, understanding of life and truthful to your soul. Take what's yours. Demand that future. Want it. Earn it. Live it. Feel that pain in your gut? That need to be closer? Can you almost feel her touch? That grieving loss? Denial is a disgusting thing. You want pain delivered, venom shed and a family destroyed… but _why _do you want it? Why is she so important that you feel the need to revert back to a time when all you caused and felt was agonizing pain and hate. There's that person, that animal you love to hate and hate to love. Bring him out. Push him forward. Do it and lose it all. You need to understand the emotion, the strength and depth and embrace it, lose the façade of denial and then make your entrance. Comprehend the contradiction so she lives. _

I wanted peace. I needed calm. I had to feel _nothing _to thrive in that moment. I worked for over a century, every day that would stretch into weeks to gain the control over my gift that I now possessed.

However, right then I was losing control and everything around me was suffering because of it. Emotions projected rapidly one at a time and then quickly it became a befuddled mix into the area surrounding me. From tests performed with Maria, I knew the distance my gift could travel when pushed to its limit and I waged in that moment it went farther than ever before.

Birds flew from the trees, squawking cry-like screams as they soared blindly into the air to get away from the emotional force they were now feeling. Animals that had hid when they heard me coming now ran from their shelters, deer bleating confused, cats growling as their paws thudded hard to move faster and all others joined progression.

I stumbled and fell to one knee; my arms were risen to the sides as I focused on pushing every emotion I could from my system and as far out from my general area as I could. It felt like a dome of emotional ambiance pulsating around my body, fighting and pushing to get back in but I needed to feel _numb. _

"Calm," I roared, feeling the emotion center over myself immediately.

Trees shook at the deafening word and leaves shuddered on the branches, some letting go and falling around me. Every emotion fought for strength, wanting the rightful place against another and turning into a ball of energy.

_Silence. Nothing. Frozen. Deadened. Numb. _

Anything with a heartbeat left in my vicinity dropped to the ground at high velocity. Nothing. Quiet. Numb. They were affected just as strongly as I was when I forced my empathetic abilities to affect everything and nothing all at once.

The animals were lucky really. The emotions I could feel from them was a muddled mess compared to the strong understanding I received from a human's or vampire's emotions. Animals felt things differently because the way they understood the world around them, how they saw human life and how they lived their own was so drastically different. They were a different type of species, whereas humans and vampires were derived from the same thing.

Animals could survive the emotional barrier I forced from my body and mind. They would get up after with minor pain from their muscles being seized as their minds fought for control. Confusion would be a companion for days to them and they'd be more skittish and scared than ever before.

Any vampires would be dropped to the ground as well. They'd beg and plead as perplexity filled their mind and the emotions of another were forced through every molecule of their system. A vampire would experience minor pain during the transgression of emotions while they as well tried to regain composure and control over their own bodies but failed miserably.

A human would die from the force near immediately. Tested, tried and proven true. I watched it happen several times when Maria wanted to know the extent of my gift. A human would seize, their body contorting awkwardly as their body and brain tried to process the amount of information being forced into their system unnaturally. Their brains shut down literally, giving up and too exhausted to continue. It would be a terrifying way to die I imagined.

I let the emotions explode together, saturating the air and falling back down into my system like rain. The few seconds I had felt nothing at all gave me the ability to think clearly again for a moment. The urge to run back to Washington pounded hard into me but I was able to think clearly and rationally, not absolutely on one decision that could have fatal consequences to something important.

Standing up and righting myself from the stumble to the ground, I listened as the surrounding animals regained their conscious understanding and physical control before chaos broke loose within their instincts and they ran at swift speeds from the area.

Peter and Charlotte. I needed to get there, and quickly. I didn't have a phone and I hadn't called before to let them know I was coming. I usually never did anyway if I ever went to visit. Peter was like a brother to me, both of us sharing venom related bond to the craziest, vilest bitch the world had yet to meet completely.

He understood me in ways others couldn't. It took him three years to finally get me to say something to him that wasn't a direct order or reprimand. When he finally did, it was 'what in the fuck do you want from me?'

Peter had replied, 'understanding'.

I never really understood what he meant. The fool had been ungifted after his change. In reality he was none better than the rest that were created weekly by Maria but somehow he managed to survive past that first year. His strength of being a newborn waned closely after his year mark but Peter, being the arrogant smartass fuck that he was knew who to stick close to in order to thrive in that world.

Peter had attached himself closely to me regardless of my obvious dislike of his presence at first. The only reason I did feel odd about his presence was because he pushed himself toward me constantly, wanting to be at my side whether it be fighting in a battle or hunting for a meal.

It didn't make much sense at the time but Peter had found a way to survive in that world, by attaching himself and making friends –even if I didn't want it- to the most terrifying, deadly motherfucker he could find. And he wasn't all too interested in Maria's company. Peter hit his lucky mark with me, knowing we had similarities in our human lives, our physical looks and even with our mental way of looking at things.

Brothers. He saw it far before I ever had and he used it to his advantage. I never blamed him for it because he survived when there had been better before him who had been destroyed, a lot by my own hands. Actually, I admired the cocksucker for it. He wanted to live so he made sure he did.

When his year had hit and Maria wanted him dead, without even knowing why I did it and without even liking Peter's presence or caring for his life, I asked she spare him as a companion to me. Maria liked me in a pet sort of way. Once in the beginning I had confused it for love and even still, I don't fully comprehend what love feels like to myself but I knew that wasn't it. Either way, she was fond of me, her little gifted pet so she granted the request to keep me placated and happy for a time.

When Peter found his mate, he refused to let her die either. He could have told me and I would have understood it, maybe… regardless, he choose to hide it from me and at the worst of times, knowing it was me who had been ordered to kill the woman he called 'mate' for turning over a year old and losing the newborn advantage, they ran. He ran with her because running was the only thing he could do without fighting against me.

Peter chose what meant more to him in that moment and I never blamed him for it. I never would. In a way he got to live and he gave Charlotte life but at the same time he found a way to keep him and I strong with our familial bond and love without forcing it to turn deadly if I killed his mate. He was smart, lethal and my brother. Peter was just as deadly as I was and was one of the only people I would ever trust with my life.

He gave it back to me when he and Charlotte came back for me that night in Mexico. I smelled him far before I had seen him. I followed the light trail he left in the trees only to find him wading out in the middle of a river with Charlotte there as well. I hadn't smelled her scent, he ordered her to stay put and stay safe while he risked his life to give me mine back.

He called out for me to get in the water and swim, my scent would disappear and Maria wouldn't know to come looking for a while and when she did we would be far enough away. I never gave it a second thought. I jumped in and followed behind them, staying in the water and swimming for days under the currents and away from any human eyes until we thought it was safe enough to come back out.

Peter had given me the greatest gift; we both knew it and I always returned home when I needed something I couldn't give myself. This was one of those times and I just needed to be home.

Losing myself in memories of the past, I continued running blindly in the direction of Peter and Charlotte's home. They had a permanent settlement locked deep into the woods that kept humans and alike away from them unless they went out to a surrounding town to hunt or play. They liked their privacy and I couldn't blame them for it.

Both were human drinkers and had been since the moment they each woke of from their change. When they hunted, they drank from whom they wanted without guilt or care for their actions. They were vampires after all. Humans were our natural food source and they refused to give excuses or explanations to their way of life.

Neither played with their food or made the death of their meal particularly disgusting. They hunted to thrive, for substance and that was it. They just preferred to enjoy the meal they drank and chose whichever smelled best at the time.

Occasionally, like Emmett had found himself doing, Peter and Charlotte both participated actively in sexual blood play with their meals. The human chosen would feel nothing but absolute euphoria until the moment teeth sliced into their skin but death soon followed. It was relatively natural for mated vampire couples who drank human blood to explore the pleasures of carnal acts while feeding.

Peter and Charlotte weren't ones to deny urges but they also never over-stepped their boundaries either.

It took no time at all for me to get close enough to smell Peter and Charlotte's scents. Since they didn't hunt animals, and used a vehicle to drive back and forth to the town, they rarely ran throughout the woods surrounding their property and a heavy rain would wash away most of the scent anyway.

I could hear Peter's deep voice murmuring in low tones to Charlotte. Both were feeling extreme amounts of concern, confusion and a slight bit of rage. I had been too close in range when my gift was let loose on the area and they had obviously been affected by the emotional force.

Guilt flooded me but I shook it off before slowing in my run when the house came into view. Both silenced at my approach and anticipation flooded them. It had been a while since I visited and after feeling what they had before, I was surprised they both didn't come running to find me. I was the only empath they knew capable of such actions anyway.

"Don't bother knocking," Peter said from within the house. "That'll only piss Char off more than she already is since you didn't stop to think about who might be close enough to feel that emotional cocktail you created."

"Sorry," I apologized as I walked up the front steps of the cabin and straight through the front door.

"Take off those damn boots. I'm not scrubbing after your mess, Jasper," Charlotte growled, looking down at the mud caked onto my boots from running.

Peter smirked beside his wife, tipping his head low and chuckling to himself. Amusement flooded Charlotte as well and she couldn't help the smile that broke over her features. I leaned down and untied the strings of my army like boots, kicking the shoes off and placing them beside Peter's similar ones.

We were very alike in many ways. It surprised me every time something popped up but I kept it to myself usually.

"Again, I apologize, Charlotte, for earlier as well."

Charlotte was no taller than Alice. The similarities went no farther than that though. Charlotte had long, platinum blonde hair that hung straight, to about halfway down her back. She had small features but was a commanding little presence despite it all. Even still, Charlotte just like every other female vampire was just as beautiful as the rest.

Her arms crossed over her chest and she stared defiantly at me. Peter's lips pursed and he scowled but said nothing. Charlotte loved to challenge me and didn't mind putting me in my place when needed. Peter was similar but knew when to hold back.

"Mind telling us what that was all about anyway?" her musical voice asked.

I shrugged off the backpack with clothes and tossed it beside my boots before taking off the coat I was wearing and putting it on the hanger alongside Peter's. They always kept little things like that opened for me, a hanger for my jacket, opened space for my boots, a room designated for me only. Little reminders of where my home really was.

_So why doesn't it feel like it? What are you missing this time that you haven't missed before? _

"No," I replied before standing up to look at Charlotte again. "I'd rather not talk about it right now."

"Why are your eyes red?" she shot back. "And where is your bitch of a wife?"

"Is this the goddamned inquisition or what?" I growled.

"Char," Peter warned. "Leave him alone. You know how he gets with things. Leave him be for a moment. Give him time to think."

"I'm right here, asshole. Stop talking about me like I can't hear you."

"Well I want to know why I was just having a fucking vampire seizure on the floor a few minutes ago, why my brother just walked in the front door looking like hell walked over him and projecting the same shit. Sorry if that bothers you, Jasper, but occasionally an explanation to your sudden appearance and hellish attitude could be useful to Peter and I. Sorry if I give a sweet goddamn about you," she hissed before stomping out of the room and into the kitchen area they didn't really need or use.

Peter shot me a reproachful look and I could see the conflict in his eyes. On one hand he wanted to go talk to Charlotte but on the other he was looking for an explanation from me as well.

Charlotte made the choice for him by slamming the door in the kitchen that led to the outside and running into the woods to blow off steam. Her rage-filled emotions followed her for miles and Peter and I said nothing until she was out of my range.

"Really? That strong?" I asked him finally.

His eyes hardened but he nodded. "Yeah man, that strong. For whatever reason, it hit her first and I watched her hit the floor. Just as she hit I went down too. She must have been closer to the direction of the wall you threw out."

"Fuck," I muttered, rubbing a hand through my hair. It was dirty from running and tangled to no end. I needed a shower, soon.

"That was a dangerous call you made, doing that without knowing who could be around." Peter shook his head, the blonde hair, similar in length to mine covered his red eyes and he brushed them back. "What in the hell, Jasper?"

Peter was beyond frustrated but he had always wanted to hear the reasoning behind my actions before reacting. "I lost control. I needed to think. I couldn't because of everything else so I removed it. I hadn't thought about it affecting you both, for that, I am sorry."

He nodded tightly in recognition to my words. "Want to tell me why you're here right now? By the looks of those irises I'd say you slipped again and the meddling whore you call a wife sent you packing to get your bearings again. Am I close?"

"Not even," I spat back.

"Really?" he asked, genuinely surprised. "What happened?"

"Nothing," I growled. "And for your information, so you can politely shut the fuck up, Alice and I are divorced. The human I killed was wrong place wrong time and it really didn't affect me badly like you think. We've discussed that, Peter. The family was going to force my leave because Edward has a girlfriend. So I left instead of having that fight." I may have left a lot of things out just a bit but I wasn't ready to discuss everything with Peter. I needed to figure it all out myself before I could say it aloud.

"So, the mind reader found his mate, big shit," Peter muttered more to himself, trying to figure out what I was getting at.

He never had any respect for Edward. Just the fact that Edward could read his mind made Peter despise him that much more. A violation of his deepest most sacred privacy, Peter had said once. Edward thought Peter was despicable and Peter so affectionately called him Eddie or child to piss him off when they were around one another.

"She's human and not his mate," I stated in a tone that finalized what I wanted to say.

Surprise and confusion slammed through Peter all at once and his eyes widened at me. "Human? Not his mate? He's not feeding from her and then… you know… like he did before?"

Peter was referring back to Edward's earlier excursions with human girls. There was one he had fed from but kept her alive for three months only to finally kill her while he fucked her. Peter thought playing with a human girl in that way was disgusting. He didn't see the similarities in his own activities at all. I wasn't about to point them out either.

"No, this is different. End of discussion," I said.

"No, not _end of discussion_," he mocked. "Stop being a prick and explain why you would give two shits about Edward's newest plaything. And why in the fuck would you come running here if Alice didn't send you?"

I walked past him and moved into the living room, sitting down on the leather lazy boy that was always reserved for me and flipping on the TV. I found a news station for Seattle and watched it play through; waiting to see if there would be something on the female I had killed yet. Nothing came. Peter had stayed silent through the entire news program, only sending occasional glances my way though his emotions told an entirely different story. He desperately wanted to know what was going on with me but I just wasn't ready to tell it all yet.

"Jas, come on," Peter finally spoke.

I caught him looking at me again through my peripherals. "I never said Alice didn't send me. She didn't force me but gave me insight to an issue."

Peter snorted and leaned back in his chair, crossing his ankles loosely before watching me like a hawk. "She's conniving, manipulative, works for herself first and only… and in knowing that, you trusted her?"

The arrogant ass was back again. We locked in a stare down before I finally spoke. "I didn't say I trusted her. I need to think. I can't do that with Alice and Edward watching and hearing everything. Alice works for herself, I do agree but she knows when to step back. There's a reason why she decided to step back."

Peter shook his head in frustration. "You're not making any sense," he told me. "I'm getting snippets of shit from the pile of doo but I need the whole stinky pile of crap to put it together."

"Isabella," I started.

"The human, whom you left for Edward to play with, who must have some importance in your mind that you won't talk about, is the reason you're here," Peter interrupted.

I glared spitefully at him. "Shut up and listen."

"Touchy," he bit back. "Why does this _Isabella_ have such an effect on you?"

_Yes, that's what I need to know as well. _

"I care," was all I said in response.

The resounding shock that pulsed from Peter had me watching him closely for his reaction to my words. No one knew me like Peter. There was not a soul in this world that could explain my own reactions, words and decisions the way Peter could. I swear it was his gift, just being able to understand people and vampires alike by watching and listening.

Yet we all knew the truth, Peter was ungifted, just as Charlotte was. He was just damn good at knowing those around him and he used it to his benefit when needed.

"You care. You're not the caring type," he said to himself. "I mean, don't get me wrong, Jasper, but you only care for those who have had an intense effect on your life or mind. Char and I, well we've never talked about it really but we know that you care. It's why you keep coming here when you're in shit, when you can't deal and everything. It's why you have your own spot in our life."

"Because we're family," I finished for him. "This is home for me."

"Why does it feel like that word seems… _unfinished?_" Peter asked in a hushed tone.

There wasn't anyone around to hear him, but he was staring at me with the most severe expression that just screamed he was clicking things together in his mind.

"Why would you run, Jasper? You're not the running type."

I met his eyes, ruby against black. He was calm and I was fiercely angry again. "Circumstances surrounding the issue demanded the act I took. Decisions are watched and reactions will come. I didn't do this blindly, Peter, but there are still a lot of things I don't understand or know and I can't make stupid decisions that would cause the loss of her life or her hate directed at me. When I figure it all out, I'll let you know."

He nodded and leaned back in his chair again, resting his hands on his stomach and whistling low to himself. "So, do you love her?"

My head whipped to his direction. "No." Peter shrugged and hummed a low note in response, smiling smugly to himself. "You're an arrogant asshole, Peter."

His smile turned into an all out grin. "I learned from the best of the best… brother."

…..

Charlotte had returned an hour later in a far better mood than she had left. "I don't think there are animals within a hundred miles of this place right now."

Peter laughed and shot me an amused grin. "I guess you'll starve since you can't drink that rotted shit you call blood."

He was so full of himself at times. "I don't expect to go back with golden eyes."

Charlotte turned to me in question. "The emotions from the humans?"

I shrugged and fingered the newspaper Peter had given me to read. "They've never affected me horribly before I met Alice and when with the Cullens. They're emotions and reactions bother me more than the humans I kill."

"Depression?" Charlotte asked quietly.

"Not going to happen. It didn't this last time," I replied in the same tone of voice.

Peter sat down on the bar height stool beside me and pushed the paper from my face so he could look at me. "Have you had time to think about the woman you killed yet? It's been go, go, go since it happened, right?"

I stared at him, slightly annoyed he was pushing the issue and he moved my paper. That was an even bigger piss off. "Peter, leave my paper alone for one. For two, that is the reason it's not bothering me. I'm not thinking about it. The Cullen way of life is to recognize human life as it is, with families, lives and futures. It makes us humanized and sympathetic. I refuse to see humans as anything other than my food source."

"Goody," Peter grinned. "Wanna hunt?"

"I just fed a day ago," I replied, snapping my paper back up and scanning the sports section quickly.

"Oh come on, Jasper," he mock whined. "Do you know how long it's been that I've waited for you to finally figure that shit out?"

"Tomorrow, right now I'm busy."

Charlotte laughed lightly. "Reading the paper, it takes you a few short minutes to scan the whole thing."

"Planning," I replied simply. And I was. My mind was wandering the possibilities of truths that Isabella could have been hiding. With Edward far away I could think freely but nothing was adding up. "You know how I work."

"Plan while you hunt," Peter growled, grabbing the paper and tossing it to Charlotte who grinning playfully before tossing it into a garbage can that was rarely used.

"How long has it been, brother?" I asked lightly.

Confusion filled him but Charlotte smiled evilly. "He's due, Jasper," she replied.

"What?" he finally asked.

"How long has it been since I last kicked your ass?" I answered.

Peter guffawed before giving me a rough shove. I expected the move and braced for it, not even moving a millimeter when he made contact. "Take it outside," Charlotte murmured as she literally twirled from the room.

I was off the stool like lightening and out the door, running in sock feet through the woods and listening to Peter's footfalls behind me. "Mile out," he yelled and his running stopped.

That was our rules. We started a mile apart and charged; hoping one could catch the other off guard. Usually it didn't work but the impact was worth it.

"Mile in," I replied, crouching low with one hand resting on the soft earth and digging my fingers in deep. I felt his anticipation mixed with excitement and desire to fight. The only other person Peter enjoyed sparring with was Emmett and they rarely got to see each other anyway. "One."

"Two."

"Three," we said together.

I slammed all my force into the balls of my feet, taking off like a shot before getting halfway to the direction he was coming. Just before he broke through a line of trees in front of me, I jumped into a tree above an entrance like area as he broke through. I flipped off the branch, grabbing his shoulders with my hands and he roared in disbelief.

Using the force as I flipped myself again, I threw him with the direction of my body, letting him go just as my feet hit the ground, calculating the force of my weight and balancing out into a perfect squat and chuckling as he slammed into a large pine tree.

The tree shuddered from the impact but the strong pine didn't break. Confused at what had happened Peter shook his head before quickly before standing back up and roaring at me in anger.

"Fucker," he hissed.

"You're a sore loser," I retorted.

Every muscle in my body twitched in expectation. I was eager, demanding, needing this. Fighting was like a release for me, near as good as the emotional release I so rarely received. My right foot moved slightly farther back and dug into the ground, preparing for an attack or readying to run.

Peter looked feral and ready, his hands braced in front of him as if waiting for me to move. Both of us knew the other so well that we rarely got hurt and it never got out of control.

"Come on, Jasper," Peter ground out through clenched teeth.

"Remember who the oldest is here," I mocked haughtily.

"I'm better looking," Peter shot back.

I couldn't help but laugh at his response and the second I did, he took off like a shot from his position, zigzagging in different directions before I finally caught on to his pattern and pounced from my position like a snake waiting for the moment to strike.

We collided hard, the sound similar to thunder echoing through the area. Growls, hisses and snarls escaped us both as we shredded through trees and left rather large and suspicious dents in the forest floor. None of it mattered really, being back where I belonged and knowing that fact felt better than most anything.

_So what are you missing? _

….

Peter was cleaning the mud from his hair on the front porch of the cabin. Charlotte all out refused us admission until we were clean enough for her standards.

"You want to hunt now?" Peter asked, brushing the last bit of dirt and debris from his clothes and standing up straight.

"You're not going to give it up, are you?" I asked with a laugh.

Charlotte opened the door and peeked her head out, looking up at her mate who was as tall as me. "You know that's not in his personality to just give something up, Jasper," she stated rather affectionately. "I think I'll stay here for the night, maybe hunt tomorrow night."

"You sure, sugar?" Peter asked.

_Sugar… _

"Absolutely. I'm sure you and Jasper have some things to discuss," Charlotte replied before leaning back in the door and then reappearing, tossing both our boots and coats onto the porch.

"Socks?" Peter asked.

Char huffed at her mate before disappearing back into the cabin. It only took a couple seconds before appearing again and tossing us both socks, sending me an odd look.

"What?" I finally asked after putting clean socks and pulling my boots on.

She handed me a piece of printer paper through the door. I opened it up to see the picture of Isabella staring back at me. The night she tossed it back at me on her porch I had taken it with me and put it in my backpack, the reminder of who I wanted to see was something I needed to keep close.

I took a deep breath as Peter looked at the picture. "Cute," he remarked.

"Sorry, I wasn't prying. It was at the bottom where the socks were," Charlotte explained.

I shrugged and folded it up, putting it in my back pocket. "It's alright," I told her. "Come on, Peter." That effectively deflected the conversation.

Charlotte shot Peter a look but said nothing and went back inside. Peter hit the button on his automatic starter for his truck, unlocking the Chevy Silverado and we got inside. He drove and I stayed silent, looking out the window and watching the trees pass by.

"I can't make a decision," I said quietly. "Not for a second do I trust Alice or her advice but being farther away makes things easier. She won't be always watching. Me being closer makes her look more often. Edward thinks I've gone because of the human but he's wrong, so fucking wrong. I left so I could indirectly figure out how to solve this issue and make Isabella safe again."

Peter stayed quiet, his fingers gripping tighter on the leather of his steering wheel. "What aren't you telling me?"

So I blew, explaining every second, every thought and every confusing thing that had transpired between the human girl and I. Peter stayed silent but watched me from the corner of his eye.

"Why is she important, Jasper?" he asked. "Why do you care?"

"I've asked myself that too many times to care," I whispered.

"Mates have indescribable bonds; unique holds within each other and…"

"We're not mates," I interrupted him. "I do not love her."

"You've never felt love," Peter nearly growled, finally turning his attention to me.

"I have, from others, from you and Char, from Esme and Carlisle. Emmett and Rose, weak as it is. I know what love for a mate feels like, Peter," I explained before waving my hand at myself. "This is not it."

"Does she love you?" he finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

"No, she doesn't. She feels everything else but," I replied simply.

"She's human," he reasoned. "It's not as strong. She knows what it's like to be in love, though."

"We're not mates," I said forcefully, wanting him to drop the issue.

"Fine, Jasper," he said, giving up and deciding to drive again. "Denial looks horrible on you though."

…..

Peter parked the truck two miles out of town on a dirt road that looked like it hadn't been travelled in decades. We removed ourselves from the vehicle and travelled the rest of the way on foot, running in the line of the trees and out of sight. I let Peter take the lead, following him as he came out of the woods behind a building pumping out loud music and smelling of a ghastly mixture of humans and their many bodily fluids.

"A bar?" I asked.

"I like women," he replied simply as we walked around the corner. "Charlotte prefers to be near when I hunt them though, she likes to watch," he added at the end with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"The blood is sweeter," I supplied. "Hormones and all." Peter laughed and we walked into the bar, the heady scents of vomit, sweat and liquor hitting my senses and making me want to retch violently. "Disgusting," I commented, rubbing my nose and mouth across the arm of my jacket to rid the smell. It didn't work.

"Yeah, it's vile."

"Better than decomp'," I supplied.

"Agreed," he laughed. Waves of lust hit me and I groaned immediately. Peter took a deep breath and smiled happily. "It's great to have you back, Jasper. The girls always go a little crazy when an extra is added to the mix. Smell the arousal?"

I did but I wanted to feed more than anything. A blue-eyed brunette watched me from about ten feet away. Her emotions were switching from lust, to hesitation, to fear and then back again. "Dibs," I said to Peter, far too low for any humans to hear.

"Cute," he stated, winking at the girl before scanning the area again. His eyes landed on someone in the far end of the bar. "Found mine."

I was too busy watching the human who was locking eyes with me. It was too dark for her to see the color of my irises so the fear was only her natural instincts kicking in. "Meet you out back, about a mile in," I told Peter after a second.

"Two miles," he replied.

"Fine."

Without another word we separated. I kept my eyes trained on the human girl, pushing small amounts of calm into her area to sedate the other emotions she was feeling.

"Hello, darlin'," I murmured, standing close to her side. She shivered and lust replaced the calm before fear took over and switched back to lust again. "You look awfully delicious tonight." The irony wouldn't be known to the female until it was too late.

She was far too caught up to care. "Do you dance?"

I shook my head. "Nah, not tonight. Actually, I'm just waitin' on my brother to speak to his girlfriend before I go."

Sadness floated through her emotions as I pointed at Peter across the room, talking sweetly to the girl he was seducing. It looked real enough and he could hear me above all the racket anyway.

"Oh, well that's too bad," she remarked. "I'm Laurie, by the way."

"Jasper," I smiled, not showing my teeth. Peter waved to me from across the room, leading the female along with him. "Well, I guess I'll be goin'. Looks like he got her to come home after all. Nasty fight they had, poor Peter was scared she wasn't goin' to come home."

"I don't think I'd leave," the human muttered under her breath, thinking I couldn't hear. I nearly chuckled out loud but held it in.

As Peter walked toward the front, I followed at a slow pace, feeling indecision from the human. Really, I knew she'd follow, even if it was just to give her number and say to call. Human women were slightly predictable when it came to vampire males. As I walked out into the cold air and looked off to the side, watching the female Peter was stringing along disappear in the darkness of the ally we had come out of, Laurie emerged from the bar.

I continued walking and curiosity leaked from the girl as she followed behind quietly. A little scream came from the woods behind the bar but the girl behind me didn't hear a thing. I slipped into the dark cloak of the ally, leaning against the wall and waiting for my prey to slip through as well.

More hesitation broke through but she walked in regardless. "That was your third mistake," I whispered huskily as she walked past, grabbing her roughly and covering her mouth as she went to scream.

Fear coursed through her veins and she struggled uselessly against my strong grip.

"The first was talking to me. Your second was following me. So as the saying goes, three strikes and you're out," I finished. I felt her lips move against my hand, she was begging, saying 'please' over and over again. "If it helps, I'll make it quick. You'll never really know what I am, or what I need you for."

She shook her head violently, tears spilling over her cheeks.

"Darlin' trust me when I say it's for your best interest that you don't know. It's not like I'm going to keep your body for pleasure. I'm not into necrophilia. I'll bury you when I'm done and never look back."

The fear was her only emotion still pushing through hard. She was sobbing, her chest heaving against the fabric of her jacket. I was walking her backward, forcing her to move as I spoke but she was far too terrified to notice the change in scenery.

She pleaded again and I was starting to tire of the game. Without notice I grabbed her by the waist and threw her over my shoulder, taking off into the woods in a flash and going far enough in that no one would hear the scream except Peter and me. Besides, I liked the screams, embraced the sound.

Once far enough in, I dropped her roughly to the ground, and stepped back as she regained consciousness. The speed had knocked her out but she was slowly coming to. She skittered on the ground when she saw me, trying to get away as she realized it wasn't a dream and I was real. Terror washed through her.

"Get the fuck away from me, you psycho," she screamed.

Peter chuckled from thirty feet away in the darkness. "My brother doesn't like that title. He prefers something else entirely," he explained as he walked into her view of sight.

"Oh my God," she cried in desperation. "Please, just leave me alone."

"Quick?" I asked her again.

"Please…"

"I'm getting bored," Peter remarked.

"Me too," I replied.

I did make it quick, snapping the neck of the girl at a speed only Peter could see. She died with terror washing through her system, adrenaline coursing through her blood and making it that much sweeter. I bit into her neck, pulling the blood from the wound hard as to make it come quicker, since there was no heart beating to help it along.

She tasted of chocolate and coffee mixed with a hint of rosemary. Alcohol tainted her bloodstream but she hadn't been drinking enough for it to make that big of a difference. Peter stayed silent while I fed and I finished the girl quickly, relishing the feeling of being free from restraint.

"Will Isabella mind?" Peter asked when I finished.

I wiped the blood from my mouth and grabbed the dead girl, following Peter to where the girl he had killed lay as well.

"I really don't care," I lied.

Peter shot me a knowing look. "Yes you do. Still, mates follow the other, you know. It's natural, instinctual."

I rolled my eyes and growled at him. "We're not mates, you stupid ass."

"Sure. Here, let's just bury them closer to the truck."

….

On the way back to the cabin, Peter was oddly silent. "Speak up, Peter. Just get whatever in the hell it is, out."

He sighed deeply and rather dramatically. "Fine. I have thoughts, theories even as to your misunderstanding of your situation."

"There is no misunderstanding. I don't know what I'm looking for regarding Isabella's past and making decisions to look could cause Edward to find out. Inadvertently causing her death, or hate. I don't want either to occur."

"Obviously," Peter muttered. "That's not what I mean."

I looked at him confused. "I'm sorry?"

He chuckled. "Theories regarding emotions and your confusion."

I glared hatefully at him. "I'm an empath, Peter. I understand emotions better than anyone."

"Okay then, Mr. Stupid Fucking Empath, you're so good at knowing everything. Watch me, watch Char. You've seen the Cullen couples for too damn long. Not everything is so humanized and blatant. Mates are friends first, confidants second, and lovers last. The forever between is so known that it isn't ever needed to be discussed. It's a fight to stay away and that never disappears. You are what you need for them and them alone."

"I know all this," I growled.

Peter pulled up to the cabin and finally turned to look at me completely. "I don't think you really do, Jasper. You've never really been mated."

"She is not my mate," I roared, finally pissed off enough to go over the edge.

"Believe what you want. Watch, that's all I've got to say. Maybe when reality takes a chunk out of your idiotic ass, your Charon will finally come out and deliver what it has always adored and thrived on; what you haven't brought forth to anyone in far too long.."

Charon. Angel of death. Deliverer to the underworld_. _

"_Major? Hmm, no, that's more personal," Maria tittered beside me, watching the newborns train in the wooded area by our private camp. _

"_Stop, I don't need a name. I have one," I told her. _

_Her nail danced along my neck. "But pet, you do… being mine and all. When they call me Athena, what will they call you?"_

_Idiot. They will call me an idiot. "They will call me Jasper."_

"_Charon," a newborn named Johnathan piqued up, effectively giving another the chance to rip his arm off. The metallic screeching had me smirking as he screamed. _

"_Your own mistake, continue," I barked at the fighters. _

_Maria squealed beside me and looked up with excited, lust filled eyes. "Charon… perfect. My own angel of death. He was a male after all, evil and thoroughly enjoyed what he gave and took away; just as you do, my pet."_

_Maria held her hand up to stop the newborn female from attacking Johnathan again. "Stop, let him go." Her command had the female backing up immediately. They were all beyond terrified of what she was capable of. "He did give me something to think about today. His lack of focus will be overlooked, for today only."_

_I shot Maria an exasperated look. "No, he can heal and then fight again. Lack of focus will cause us a loss in battle. We can't afford that."_

_A look of agreement passed her features for a moment and she nodded. "Agreed. Continue once his arm is fused back on again," she threw the command out with a wave of her hand before turning to me. "Speaking of which, March's group has hit their one year mark. Charon should be visiting them soon."_

"_Stop calling me that."_

_Rage flooded her and a feral look overcame her features, making anyone in close vicinity move farther away. "You are my Charon, my Major, my fighter, my creation." Her hand slapped against my cheek hard before she grabbed onto my jaw with her tiny hand, fingernails digging deep into the granite skin and causing venom to leak from the wound. "Do you understand?"_

"_Yes."_

Peter watched me with an amused grin on his face. "So, what do you think now?"

"I don't know what to think." I stayed silent for a moment before speaking again. "Don't call me that again, Peter. I hate name."

"You enjoy the persona," he replied indifferently.

"I embraced the persona," I corrected.

Peter smirked and tapped his finger on the steering wheel, watching out the side window and looking at the house. "Actually, Charon's duties are never complete. You my brother embrace the persona of the title given… embraced would signify the end, the past. You've never finished, you never will."

His gaze softened as Charlotte came out to stand on the porch and watch us silently in the truck's cab. Peter caught her gaze and a completely different look crossed his features.

"Life for a life. Mate for a mate. Did you know Jasper, you gave me my life when you let me live, so I gave you yours when I came back?"

"Yeah, I never forget it," I replied.

His eyes never left Charlottes but his voice went lower. "You gave me my mate when you let us run–"

"She's not my mate," I repeated, though the words were weak and Peter's expression was fierce.

He ignored the statement completely. "Mate for a mate. You gave me mine, I'll get you yours."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 13: Chapter 13**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03. **

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**Jasper POV**

Our eyes locked for a moment and the intensity behind Peter's gaze along with the words he spoke had me fighting back my usual responses and actions that would put up my defences and deflect what I didn't want to hear. He knew that, Peter always knew that. The vampire could push my buttons in seconds flat and calm me down in the next sentence. It was just who he was.

I wanted to deflect the conversation, change it into a direction I could handle and control the outcome. If that didn't work, violence always solved everything. Peter wasn't having any of it.

"Get the hell over it," Peter stated finally before releasing a deep sigh.

I glared back at him but the smart, arrogant fuck that he was didn't even flinch from the expression. "There is nothing to get over. You keep saying I'm mated to a human when there is nothing that could even remotely be called love between us. You're the one pushing the issue. I'm the one facing reality."

"Exactly," he shot back, slamming his fist onto the steering wheel. "So face it, Jasper. She is human; she holds importance in your mind and catches attention through your soul."

"That's false," I practically growled, suddenly growing increasingly tired of the conversation.

Peter caught onto my mood immediately and called me on the bullshit. I hated when he did that but the fucker was relentless. "Oh for Christ's sake," he moaned. "Are you going to do this again? Denial? You're being a dense contradiction to everything you stand for, everything you say you believe in."

Peter had thrown my inner thoughts and dilemma right back into my face without even realizing it. I wanted to rip off one of his fingers for doing it.

_You need to understand the emotion, the strength and depth and embrace it, lose the façade of denial and then make your entrance. Comprehend the contradiction so she lives._

"Shut up, right now," I ordered fiercely.

I felt Charlotte's emotions shift from her previously calm state to severe concern and instinctive protection from her place on the porch. Almost as if Peter had sensed the change in his mate's feelings, he caught her gaze with his and gave a slight nod of recognition. She stayed where she was and Peter turned his attention back to me.

"Despite all the years we spent together with you and Maria commanding my actions, choosing my path and holding my life hostage, it means nothing right now in this moment. You are not my commander, you are no longer my Major and you are _not _my _Charon."_

I couldn't help but finch at his words and he saw it. His gaze softened but his next words were just as gut wrenching and thought provoking as the last.

"But you are my comrade in arms, my savior for reasons beyond us all and you _are _my _brother_."

He was right. As always, when Peter choose to let his voice be heard and demanded proper respect for his standing in his own life, you tended to find yourself counting back all your wrongs. Especially the ones you had served to him.

"You know I didn't mean it like that," I backtracked.

He waved his hand nonchalantly. "Yeah, yeah. You're sorry and all that shit. I know, Jasper; we don't need to go into depth about it." We were silent for a minute before Peter decided to speak again. "Just get the fuck over it."

"I already told you–"

Peter's loud growl interrupted me and he slammed his fist into the steering wheel again, effectively snapping it before the truck's alarm system started going off. I knew Peter deactivated all his airbags since we didn't need them, but the alarm system was a surprise. He grabbed at the keys, cussing under his breath before he finally hit the button and shut the noisy fucking thing off.

The keys flew by my head and out the opened window, compliments of Peter's sudden frustration. "I know where you think you stand but you're so lost with your head shoved that far up your own ass that you can't see the truth. Why do you care? Why are you putting forth so much effort that you wouldn't give to anyone else? What makes you want to do that?" He smirked for a minute and shrugged in an indifferent fashion. "Fine, so leave her be. Since she is nothing to you and your eternity, let her go. Isabella made the choice to go back to Edward, for reasons unknown but regardless it was still her choice. Let him change her, use her as a blood bag, marry her and force her sick submission for the rest of their unhappy lives."

A wave of rage and heady disgust washed into my senses at his words, and what they really meant, but I held it in as Peter continued.

"What does it matter really? Walk away, Jasper. She's made her choice and it's Edward. Whatever, we go on with our lives like she never happened. You'll find another companion, like Alice was for another however many years it takes for your mate to really come along. Isabella was just a passing moment in our ongoing existence. Really, it's no skin off our teeth. He'll probably kill her during the change anyway. If not, she'll most likely kill herself to prevent spending forever with him, or maybe she'll build her own pyre and walk straight into Hell's flames."

"Stop," I whispered. "Just fucking stop, Peter."

"See…" he pleaded. "It's killing you to think about it. I'm right and you just can't admit it. I don't understand what's holding you back but you need to stop." His hands were gripping onto the broken pieces of what was left to the steering wheel, crushing them to plastic dust under his strength. "Look at the obvious and do what is needed so you can finally get what you deserve, Jas."

_Jas…deep…soulful…upbeat…carefree…_

"It's so painfully fucking obvious," he repeated, shaking his head in frustration and almost as if to admit defeat.

_Obvious. It is so obvious. You've defied the logic of our species. You've gone against everything you ever wanted or said. You're the contradiction, not her. You're the painful lie, the deceit in your soul. You held the keys, you always have. It's never been him. You shoved denial in the forefront so your defiance was justified and rejection could never be an option. _

_Wrong choices. Stupid decisions. Incompetent understanding of it all. You played a game of 'what's the human hiding' with someone you had no right putting in that position and now look where it's got you. The cost of it all will be her life. Now that you've fallen in love, the price you pay for the game you played will be your mate. _

"No," I roared, kicking through the plastic dash in front of me to release the anger and shake away the thoughts in my mind. Plastic crumbled to bits on the floor, wires in the dash spit with electricity for a moment before hanging ripped loose from the force. "It's not possible. It's not love. I know what it feels like and this jumbled fucking mess isn't it."

"It is," Peter stated. "How many loves, adorations, and devotions have you felt in your lifetime? When have you ever really felt nothing but just you, Jasper? It's strong isn't it? So damn strong that it consumes all the rational you have and it's everything at once. What do you feel when you think about her? Describe it," he said, deciding on changing tactics.

_What do you feel? I didn't want to go. _

_You left her there... I wanted to go back. _

_She holds you close when you're ten feet away... _

_I hear her smile. _

_You see her laugh. _

_I taste her touch. _

_You feel her essence. _

_I push her away... She terrifies me... _

_You never thought you'd need her. _

_Is she strong enough? Tougher than you. _

_Will she forgive me, no matter the cost? Hasn't she already? _

_She's weak, commanded by others… It's her façade, her defence. _

_She can't contest with me, not in spirit; it's not a match... She already has. _

_She can't contain me... Isn't she now? You're still here. Walking away constitutes saying she's not of meaning or worth. _

_My eternity? Your mate. _

_Can she love a man like me? Is it possible? Could she ever? You said it, you told her, and you described her. Tough exterior, compassionate heart, forgiveness and patience, fire and ice, command to your soul and firsthand experience of the harsh reality that is life… both lives. _

_I care. You care. _

_I can't feel it... Search deep, dissect and understand, embrace and hold tight. _

_I've never… _

_She makes you smile. She makes you laugh... She infuriates me, withholds from me. _

_You need her presence, you need her life. _

_I want the truth, I want to protect... Wouldn't she have tried if she could?_

_She's my friend... Isabella's your eternity. _

_She's my confidant... Isabella's your forever. _

_She's human... Isabella is your everything. _

_She's my fears... Isabella is your existence. _

_She's my axis, my home, my center, my need... She's your mate. _

My earth shattered in those moments when I finally let the truth and reality settle into my mind. It took hold and nothing was the same. Everything I thought I believed and stood by was destroyed and rebuilt in a matter of moments. It hurt me to know, pushed me into uncharted territory and killed me for every moment of denial.

I wanted to hate her for it, but everything screamed that I adored her. I needed to push her away to be inconsequential but she was everything in my world and the instinctual need to have her close was overwhelming. Denial. I wanted to go back into that wallowing pit of denial so I didn't have to deal with it all at once.

I was out of control. My emotions that I refused to acknowledge for lack of understanding were finally surfacing to make themselves known and heard. It was there. All of it was there beneath the frontlines of everything else. All the amounts, ferocity, never-ending, intensity and levels of love, adoration, devotion and desire I had ever felt in my existence were like ribbons of emotional streams woven and tangled within the others.

My gift was confusing at best. When I received an emotion from another, it felt like a strand of energy crossing through my skin and into my body. They always stayed inside me, like a memory, a reminder of what I had felt in my lifetime. When I forced an emotion from my stream to manipulate another, I focused on the strands I wanted to flow from the others and affect my surroundings.

Any emotion that had never been mine to begin with had always felt foreign inside my body. Hate, devotion, lust, anger were some of the many I had felt towards Maria and they were my own. Yet, another vampire with the same emotions had a different level, a lighter weight, a foreign feel. The strands stayed within my barrier but they're never really mine.

"You understand now, don't you?" Peter asked quietly beside me. "The emotions; why you were confused and lost."

"Leave," I hissed, needing to be alone for a second to think.

Peter didn't go.

He was right though and it pissed me off. None of the stands of emotional love within my body felt foreign to me anymore. They were my own, every level, every strand, every intensity and strength. They were all mine. My emotional indifference, denial and sometimes anger pushed what should have been first and foremost to me into the background, leaving it all behind.

"Jasper," Peter murmured. "Listen to me for a minute."

"Leave," I repeated, though the sound came out as a mangled snarl.

Peter still wasn't listening to me. "It's in your mind now isn't it? Pounding through your veins and right into whatever heart you have left. You're only frustrated because you no longer have the only say, you've lost _control_, and a choice was taken away. You're wrong though, you did make this choice in some intuitive way. You choose your mate. Now you need to deal with it."

I fucked up, so badly. I had screwed up royally. "I need a minute, Peter," I explained.

He shook his head and turned to me. "I want to hear you say it. Verbalize it, recognize it, and embrace it."

"I can't," I answered truthfully. Doing what he wanted meant me admitting my fuck up. I never made mistakes. I was infallible.

"Why the hell not? What is so wrong with finally finding that other half to your being? Stop being such a fucking coward."

His words pushed me over the edge and I snarled again, bringing my foot up and slamming it through the already broken dash and into the metal frame of the truck. The metal buckled under the pressure, the windshield glass now had spider cracks forming as it also shrunk inward because the metal structure that kept it sound was now weakened.

Peter didn't even care that I was literally ruining his truck. Of course he had started it.

"Because, Peter. Do you know what that means?" I roared the question at him.

"No," he whispered, finally seeing my anger at its peak.

"It means I _fucked up. _It means it's not just about me now. I have someone else that means something so much more than anything else that ever came before it. My ideals, my thoughts, my eternity is _irrevocably changed. _I'm a goddamned vampire; I'm not supposed to change. Her smile, her eyes, her taste and touch, her life… that human, mortal life is mine now. I'm responsible for all of that now and I can't control it. Her breath she breathes, her heart that beats and the blood that keeps her living, it's all my liability, my reality."

"She won't hold you back," he said quietly.

"I don't think that, never… it's just hard, change, difference, and eternity, mine. It's burned, seared into my soul now. And I _messed up. _Can't you see that? I left her there. I just left her there with him… and her."

Peter tried to calm me by reasoning my verbal rant. "You said it yourself; Emmett, Rosalie and Esme will all watch her. You came here for a reason. Alice gave you circumstance to follow and you took direction as your own. There's nothing wrong with that, Jasper, it's not a mistake."

"It is," I cried. "Both of them, Edward and Alice, they know whatever the fuck it is that I don't. They know whatever it is that Isabella was so willing to protect that she'd give up her freedom and life to protect. It's so important that she couldn't _trust me. _She didn't trust me, Peter. Justify that; explain that away with words because I can't."

"So you look," he tried.

I shook my head frantically and Charlotte approached the truck silently but said nothing. "Promises, remember? She forbade me. She said she'd hate me. I can't handle that."

I was pretty sure I was having a slight mental breakdown mixed in with an emotional one. It hurt. Everything inside me ached and screamed with pain. I'd walked my mate into the direct path of a monster, handed her to him and then walked away without care.

_That's not true. _

_You fought it... I allowed it. _

_You turned back... I kept going. _

_It's not your fault... I fucked up. _

"Indirectly understand?" Peter asked.

"Yeah," I whispered brokenly, finally feeling the weight of the situation fall on me. "It's the only way. Once I know, I can deal with it accordingly but if Edward has even the slightest of feeling that I'm coming back, or that I know anything, she's gone."

"You gonna' light his pyre?" Peter asked, an evil smile forming on his face. It was random but not really in a way.

"I'd piss in the ashes if I could," I rectified.

Charlotte poked her head in the window and grimaced at the sight of the broken interior. "Hmm," she hummed. "I'm not going to say anything, I promise I won't."

"S'okay Char," Peter murmured, still watching me quietly.

My breathing was rapid and shallow as I pulled all the emotions from the two vampires on either side of me into my center and focused on pushing mine below theirs. It was easier to deal if I didn't have to focus on only mine. Mine were a horrid mess that was threatening to have me on the ground in a sobbing mess.

I wasn't about to break down. I felt like that had already been done enough.

"Figure out Alice," Peter stated. "Why would she help you if she is working with him?"

He had a point and I thought seriously about it for a moment before answering. "Like I said before, Alice knows her limits. She knows when to step back. I think she didn't mean to help me directly, she wanted to shove me farther away from the center of focus so there was less of a chance of Isabella breaking down and telling me the truth." I choked off a sob and Peter flinched at the sound. "I swear to God I had her so fucking close to breaking for me."

"It's not your fault," Charlotte told me, her hand reaching inside the truck's cab before she placed it on my shoulder. "Something means more to her than even you right now. That must hurt to think about…"

"I can't think about it," I replied bitterly. "I'm a damn mess and everything that is me is now centered to her but I'm nothing to her."

"You said she didn't feel love for you," Peter reasoned quickly. "Has she had time yet? What is standing in the way of her being able to say, 'I'm safe, everything is okay, I'm ready for forever'? Think about it, brother. Something huge is standing in the way of her human life. She'll always think about this Lee…"

"It's connected to him," I interrupted suddenly.

"Yeah, seven missing months," Peter put in. "Was it three months after Lee died?"

"Yes. Three months after he died she disappeared. Went to a home, I know about it but that's bringing me directly into the path of what I can't search for."

"Tell me it all," Charlotte suddenly stated. "All that you know that's relevant to you."

"Three months after the killing, Isabella was put into a home for emotionally distraught girls that had suffered severe trauma and were in need of help. The family paid for a false identity so she could do it in private. Seven months after entering the home, she reappeared in Phoenix and then four months later moved to Forks."

"More," Charlotte demanded.

I thought back, thinking about all I had read and what Jacob Black had told me. "She was on some medication for depression after he died. Her therapist had written the prescription. About a month later they took her off them suddenly. Jacob said he saw her in Seattle, and she was fine, but they called her Marie. He had seen her couple more times after that and then she disappeared."

"How did she look? Did he say?" she asked me.

I shook my head, not seeing the relevance in the situation. "He didn't say but I'm assuming she looked normal to him or he would have said otherwise."

Charlotte muttered under her breath before looking at me. "Give me that picture."

I pulled it from my pocket and handed it over. She studied it for a moment, tracing details. Peter decided to speak up then, "you said she had a tattoo?"

"Yeah, a little _L_. A hello and goodbye of sorts, she told me. It's for Lee, his life and death," I said to my brother.

"Not necessarily," Charlotte whispered as shock filtered through her system.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I growled.

She shoved the picture in front of my face and tapped it. "Tell me what _you both _see," she ordered.

"A girl, young, brunette, brown eyes. She looks lost, broken even," Peter stated immediately.

I swallowed the venom in my mouth and spoke up as well. "She looks tired, blank even to a point. She's expecting someone at her side. Sadness is evident, longing too."

"You're missing it all," Char cried in frustration.

"Then tell us," Peter snarled at her.

"Look how slender she is. She must only be what, Jas…one hundred and ten pounds soaking wet?"

"Yeah, give or take a couple," I responded, still not sure where she was taking this.

"Her frame is so small. Three months plus seven months is ten months. She was on meds that they suddenly took her off for no apparent reason. Something wasn't in that file. A reason for the sudden stop of the meds isn't there. If she was depressed, if she needed serious therapy enough that they put her in this home for traumatized girls, wouldn't they have just _changed _her meds to a different dose if they were having a negative effect?"

Peter hissed beside me but I was still lost. Their eyes connected for a moment and it seemed like a private understanding of something passed between them.

"Could one of you please tell me what you know?"

"You don't know much about my human life, do you?" Charlotte asked me.

I felt guilty and ignorant in that moment because I didn't know much about her human life. It wasn't something she ever divulged and I never pushed. Peter never spoke about it either because he just went along with his mate's perspective of, 'my life, my story'.

"No."

She took a deep breath and fingered the picture in her hands. "I was twenty at the time of my change. Twenty and a widow already. My husband was a hard worker who provided, who loved. He took good care of me, was gentle and loving in a way only humans can fully comprehend I guess. He died, three years after we were married and left me with two children, two beautiful little boys. One was two, the other just turning one."

I felt the stabbing pain of her loss pierce into my heart. I now understood why she didn't like to bring up the past. Charlotte, being the survivor and fighter that she always was, persevered and continued, pushing her pain backward and focusing her attention on me.

"I'm tiny too; shorter than Isabella but still slender. When I was pregnant for my boys, both times, I didn't even realize I was pregnant until I was a few months into it. I didn't have morning sickness and my courses were always a bit awkward at times considering my diet and amount of work I did on the farm had it stopping and starting at all different times. It was hard to keep track of. The midwife told me I didn't show until late because I was so small. She said when the boys were born; they would probably be smaller, but still strong and able."

_It's not possible. _

"They were smaller but so _vital. _Do you know what else she told me? What she made me do?" Charlotte asked quietly.

"It's not possible," I voiced my thoughts.

"It is, and it's very likely. The midwife explained what pressed herbs were good and what were bad for the babies. A small amount of wine was fine but not too much. It's the same as today, Jasper. Herbs, medicine… it's all the same thing just different times."

"It's not possible," I repeated strongly. "That doesn't fit."

"But it does," Peter growled. "If she was pregnant when he died and didn't know, then found out and being as emotionally disturbed as she was, choices would be made and forced for her because she'd be too young to make the decision and not mentally stable enough. She couldn't take medication that could hurt the child. The family was rich, it could be embarrassing to their reputation or maybe they were worried about a media storm that could follow. The boy saw her after the child was born, she'd still need therapy and that's where the rest of the months would come in, not to mention the pain of giving up the child who was the last living, breathing reminder of your dead love."

"Shut up," I hissed, opening up the door to the truck and pushing Charlotte out of the way so I could go inside the cabin.

"Why can't that be a possibility?" Charlotte yelled from close behind me.

"A child? Edward is an evil asshole but to go that far? I'm not so sure," I replied. "Even still, something like that she would have told me. I could have protected the child, got it to a safe place where they would forever be loved and healthy while they grew up. She would have known that," I stated as I walked in the cabin and searched for the backpack.

Charlotte came to stand beside me before she handed me the photo and pointed to the bedroom where she had placed the bag. "Would have and should have are very different. She's still caught up in something she hasn't been able to process completely."

"If you had a human husband you loved so much, how did you mate with Peter?" I asked after a minute.

Peter walked past us and moved into the bathroom. Charlotte listened to the water start before she spoke. "My husband was dead. I still loved him after he was gone but being changed had brought the fore focus of my thoughts into being a newborn vampire controlled by instincts. My young children were forgotten for the time being, the husband I adored and loved was wiped away. And then when I did remember it all, when I could fully focus and understand, they were all just my past life. I couldn't be a part of their lives any longer and I wanted to live, for whatever it was worth. I wanted them to live too. Peter was my connection and a vampire's love is so much stronger and deeper than a human's. I knew my children were living theirs and they were safe so I choose to embrace the new eternity I had been given."

"So she can love me," I said quietly when Charlotte finished her tale.

She nodded. "When everything is done and the human life she lived is put to a close. Maybe she'll love you before the change but circumstances right now say different."

"I'm telling you Char, there was no child," I muttered forcefully.

"Maybe," she said with a tiny shrug of her shoulders. "It makes sense though, doesn't it?"

Charlotte had a point but I wasn't going to even try that theory. "I'm going to go shower and then try to think for a while," I replied, deciding on ignoring her statement.

I left Charlotte with her memories in the foyer before I moved into my own room and shut the door. The connecting small bathroom became my haven for the short while as I stripped from my clothes and stared in the mirror at my reflection.

Thousands of scars stared back, a reminder of the good and bad inside. The truth of a past long gone that I never really said goodbye to. Scars, like a broken puzzle that had been glued together.

_If she ever sees them all, will I scare her? Will she run? Be disgusted? _

Bright red orbs glared back at me as well, taunting almost. I wasn't a Cullen. I had tried and failed but who they were just wasn't me. I lived in a different world set apart from their ideals and rules.

_Will she hate me for it? Force the animal diet? Tell me to leave? Call me a monster?_

I shook the thoughts away and stepped into the hot spray of the shower, washing all the day's remnants from my body. Lust, desire and love swirled from the mated pair in the room across the cabin as sounds of their lovemaking filtered into my senses. I was used to it now. I had spent so much time around mated pairs that it was just expected for me now.

Charlotte had placed clean towels into the bathroom and I wrapped one around my waist, using another to rub through my curls and make them dry. I grabbed the remote to the stereo and hit the play button, turning the music up to a level where the sounds of Peter and Charlotte's sex were a dull background noise.

The backpack on the bed was opened. I grabbed clean clothes from the bag and dressed quickly. I knew Charlotte would want my clothes to wash so I grabbed them from the bathroom and took them into the bedroom, removing the belt from the jeans and putting them on the ones I was currently wearing.

The photo tumbled from the back pocket as I dropped the clothes into the hamper. I didn't want Charlotte to wash it and ruin it so I decided to put it back into the backpack until I needed it or wanted to look at it again.

I unfolded and looked at the very human girl in the picture. It hurt again, like my soul was empty or gone. It was a horrible feeling and it killed me again.

Deciding to help dull the pain, I folded the picture back up, grabbed the backpack and opened up the tiny front pocket to keep for another time. When I opened the pocket, another folded up white piece of printer paper stared back at me. I hadn't been the one to put it there. My perfect memory told me that. I folded the first paper up and put it in my back pocket before grabbing the other piece of paper and unfolding it slowly.

I was hoping for something and I didn't even know what. A letter from Isabella maybe, something to help, or even direction from Alice if she meant well.

It was something. The brown eyed, blond haired toddler stared back at me in the photo. You would have needed to be blind not to see it. They always say boys favor the mother and it was certainly true in his case. He had her lips, her nose, and her chocolate swirled eyes. The hair was his father's but other than that, he was Isabella's son through and through.

_A mother. _

I clenched the paper in my hand, breathing deeply and focusing my emotions and thoughts on everything but what I had just seen. My mind went straight into the tactical mode of what were the best choices in the matter. Options barrelled one after another in my mind as I made choices and plans. No one needed to know. Peter and Charlotte couldn't know only do what I asked when I asked it. I needed a plan. I needed privacy to scream in disbelief before I broke down at the thought of what Isabella had been dealing with. I needed to hold my mate and tell her it was okay.

I needed to make the little boy safe so my mate could just live.

It all made sense at once. Her reasoning for snapping so easily about children. So defensive and private about her past. Something so important that she'd give her own life to protect that little person. She was stuck in a position where it was be with me and have her son killed or do as they ask and he lived.

A lot of things clicked into place but I shook the thoughts from my head. Focusing solely on finding the child would result in Alice having visions and possibly Edward finding out. I couldn't risk that. It was obvious in my mind that they did have someone watching the boy and his family. It was likely more than one. I needed to find out whom the two idiots had been around and who they would trust.

I was positive Charlotte had been spot on with her assessment though. It was unlikely that Lee's family would just let the little boy go to some random family. They had money, and the child was born to a girl who didn't really exist.

I heard Peter approach my door and knock softly. I shoved both photos into my pocket before he slipped inside. "You okay? You were projecting some pretty heavy stuff a couple minutes ago."

I nodded in response and thought about my mate for a second.

_Give her safety. Give her his life back. Make him safe so she'll come to you completely. _

"Yeah, I'm a lot better now," I replied. "I need to make some calls. I've got an idea of what happened."

"Tell me," he demanded.

I shook my head. "I can't, Peter, not this time. But I trust you, with my life, you know that." My body felt electrically charged with the need to fight and claim, pursue and win what was rightfully mine. I pushed the instincts back and focused on the present. Making rash decisions would lose me everything I so desperately needed.

"Mate for a mate," he repeated.

"You need to go to Forks, Peter. I need Char to stay with me," I explained.

He stiffened at the thought of being separated from his mate. "Jas…"

"Trust me, please. I wouldn't risk Isabella, not anymore and with you being there to protect my life, Char and I can do what we need to here. That's why I need you there. Four days at the most. I need to call Emmett and Rosalie for reasons I can't explain."

"What are you going to do?" Charlotte asked from the doorway, hearing our conversation and deciding to join in. "What have you figured out so far?"

I smiled and looked at my reflection in the mirror from the bathroom that was still opened. Red eyes gleamed with anticipation and need. I knew what I wanted to do, what I needed to do.

"I'd do anything for her, anything at all to keep her safe and make her happy. Giving her the world is impossible but I can give the next best thing. I always get what I want in the end and I deliver the best possible outcomes for me first and foremost. She's just been shoved into that category now as well."

"How?" Peter asked.

I was thankful that they had decided to not ask questions and just go with my flow. It would make the process easier. "None of them really matter. Some of their skills and uses are needed right now. I'll worry about it."

"So…" he pressed.

I shrugged and zipped up the backpack. "I'm going to start the catacomb effect that will lead to the destruction of the Cullen family, piece by weakened piece. Set the seed, let it fester and grow, and then watch them crumble from the pressure. It's the only way to make her entire future safe."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Peter asked, knowing that it could cause disastrous irreversible consequences.

"Positive." I looked up at my brother who stared at me blankly. "When you see her and get a moment, Peter, tell her when she hears that deep, soulful Jas beating through, all is safe and she can be as carefree and upbeat as she needs for eternity. She just needs to trust me."

"Will you explain it to me when Peter is gone?" Charlotte asked.

I nodded. "Peter needs to know as little as possible. It's safer for us all. Carlisle, being the type of person he is will welcome Peter hesitantly. Edward will try to stop it of course. Alice will know what's coming. I think she already does really. Be prepared for suspicion all around, other than the usual two. Isabella might be afraid until you explain what I said."

"Anything else?" Peter asked.

I laughed and nodded. "Tell her not to be afraid. Yes and no won't qualify. She needs to use what she knows to her advantage and stand on her own. Just… tell her I love her though I'm sure she knew somehow, everyone else obviously did."

"You sure?"

Charlotte smiled and looked up at Peter. "Just do as you're told, Peter."

"Yeah, Peter, tell her I love her and I'm so damn sorry that I left without telling her the truth but I'm going to fix everything now. I have to."


	14. Chapter 14

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 14: Chapter 14**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03. **

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**Jasper POV**

"So what is the plan exactly?" Peter asked as he readied himself to leave.

Charlotte stood back behind us both, leaning against the wall and wringing her hands together in a nervous fashion. Her emotional aura wasn't much better. She was extremely nervous and worried. The concern for her mate's welfare while they would be separated was close to overwhelming her but she held it in well for the sake of appearance to Peter.

He wasn't having any of it. He was just as bad off as she was. I was positive in his mind he knew she was going on a much more dangerous mission than he was. In a way, he was right. The plan that I had devised for Charlotte and I would put us directly on the road to a fight, one that I was certain we could win but harm could still come.

Of course, my plans constantly changed as well, never deciding, never staying still, and always switching tactics quickly. Nothing was certain. Even my latest could change if something better was proposed.

It was a near certain that there was someone watching the child, possibly holding the family hostage or otherwise. The vampire or vampires involved would definitely fight and they would lose. Nonetheless, there would be a fight to come.

Yes, Charlotte was in a dangerous situation and Peter had an idea, though for the sake of protection and for the plan to work he couldn't ask and I couldn't tell.

Even so, in my mind, Peter had the most difficult and hazardous task of us all. He knew it and I knew he did. Every time he stopped to think for a minute, or turned to look at me, the desire to win, faith in himself and absolute fear for what could come broke through his emotions. He couldn't help but over think it. If I had been in his position, I would have over thought it all as well.

Peter knew the simplicity of the situation and called it as it was. He'd seen the reality but he took charge of the duty regardless. Maybe he was confident enough in his ability to evade all other's gifts and conquer them because of it. Maybe it was the way he had self assured himself to believe he was the best person to do this for me.

In a way he was.

Peter's job wasn't dangerous for the obvious reasons. It had only a small amount to do with Edward, Alice and the rest of them. In truth, it dealt all with my mate. If something he did caused her harm, if a mistake he made caused her life to be lost in the process, I'd make sure his life would end as well.

Brother or not, it wouldn't make a difference for her life. I loved Peter, cared deeply for him and his mate, but it held nothing to the devotion and love I held for Isabella.

I wouldn't say it out loud to Peter. I wouldn't tell him his fate if he failed. But, I didn't need to. If it was me in the position he was in, if the tables were turned on us all, I would expect nothing less and everything to be the same from Peter.

I wanted to give him an out, a choice from the risk he was putting himself into. He was the best to go and put directly into the center of attention. His uncalled and unwanted presence would have the entire family in a silent uproar of worry and wonder. Edward's pretentious, overbearing and paranoid mind would be putting constant pressure on Alice and confirmation from her visions as to the reason of Peter's presence.

The constant struggle of Alice's visions would cause her to lose important ones regarding my choices and my standing. The snippets she might get wouldn't make sense despite it all. I wasn't making decisions, none that were concrete. I refused to allow my mind to center fully on being cooperative with the small choices I had allowed to filter through.

Sixty years with that female had taught me more than enough to get around her. I didn't trust her completely and I didn't know why but I still needed to use every trick I could in order to either confuse her visions to the point of them not making sense, or create the effect where she would see nothing at all.

The extreme dislike both Peter and Edward felt for one another was only another issue that would cause a disruption in their plans. Peter's presence in the home would cause Edward to immediately be put on edge, emotionally, physically and mentally. Peter made him nervous at the best of times, he easily angered him and Edward usually tried to distance himself as much as possible.

With what I needed to happen, all those things would come into play and work to my advantage. Being as young and inexperienced with life itself, Edward's immaturity as a vampire was his biggest weakness. He was spoiled and pompous; ignorant and demanding. All of that had helped his little games along but now it would only be his downfall.

I planned on delivering death to the insolent boy. In my mind, it wouldn't happen by my own hands but that didn't mean the entire situation wasn't manipulated and organized by me. The persona Peter had identified me with was correct and true. I delivered death for my benefit, enjoyed the direction to get there and revelled in the final act of violence. That didn't mean I had to perform it all myself.

"Jasper?" Peter asked, bringing me out of my thoughts and back to the present.

"I need you to go and take care of my affairs left at the Cullen house. Ready my possessions and remove any associated accounts per say. Just end my affiliation with the family in whatever physical way completely," I finally answered.

"And if they ask for a reason or why you haven't come yourself?"

I smiled and turned to look at Charlotte behind me who smiled hesitantly in return. "Tell them some issues have arisen with your mate and some nomadic vampires we suspect are Maria's scouts. You wanted to be with her to cease and desist the issue caused but it was better for her and I to do it together. I'm more apt for the job and without you there, there is less of a weakness for them to pick from Charlotte. If they want more detail, spin a tale. Alice is more than welcome to look if she wants. We have no idea where these vampires have settled, only that the issue created needs to come to an end."

Peter nodded in agreement and looked at Charlotte behind me who nodded her assent as well.

"Anything else?" I requested from Peter.

"Two things," he replied. I motioned for him to continue and he did. "Should I tell them you are coming back once the 'issue' has been taken care of?" He made finger quotations around the word and I couldn't help but growl in aggravation.

"Do not start acting like what you're going to tell them isn't a possibility," I muttered at his display. "You need to believe everything you are saying every single time you say it. Edward will hear the lies in your mind. Alice is one of the best manipulators there is. All I want you to think and feel is concern and worry about your mate who is dealing with the issue of another coven who caused problems. I don't care if you need to fabricate some sort of situation that didn't really happen in your mind. So long as you believe what you are saying and thinking, they will have no other choice but say, 'Peter is telling the truth'."

I took a breath a smirked at my brother. "Besides, Edward will be stuck in your mind constantly. It will consume him, overwhelm his every thought and move. He will be too far caught up in what you are doing, why you are there and what your plans are. Paranoia is a terrible thing, especially since Edward has been looking over his shoulder for the last half a century. He has never really felt safe in his life and this time he really does have a reason to be scared. His mistake is thinking he can win."

Peter rolled his eyes but agreed quickly. "No, you're right. My mistake. It won't happen again."

"Good, make sure of it," I stated. "Now the second thing was?"

Again his eyes locked with Charlotte's and I knew what he was going to ask. "Same old same old, brother. It's the same situation for me as it is to you. I expect the same results."

I nodded. "She's safer with me than she would be with anyone else, maybe even you. I'm the strongest, most tactical, efficient and deadly. I wouldn't be concerned of something happening in that regard." My eyebrow rose as his emotional state changed to feeling a bit put off by my words. That wasn't something I was used to with Peter.

The answer I gave him obviously didn't satisfy. "You're wrong, Jasper. Charlotte would be safer with me. Where I'd give up everything for her to live, including my life, you'd only go so far and we both know it."

He was right and I held back the smirk that wanted to appear. I loved them both, but if it came to my life or theirs, I'd choose mine every single damn time. That was just the selfish bastard in me who wanted nothing more than a safe and peaceful eternity with my mate.

"Good point," I replied in a clipped tone. "Still, there isn't a possibility of harm coming to Charlotte. And if in the event she received even a scratch…"

Peter didn't let me finish. "Don't bother, just don't let it happen."

"Same to you," I said quietly.

"Are we done with whom's-dick-is-bigger special?" Charlotte's overly annoyed voice asked from behind us.

Peter smiled and rolled his eyes at me. In his mind, Charlotte didn't understand. Maybe she didn't fully comprehend our conversation at all, but we understood it all perfectly and that was all that counted.

"Say goodbye to your mate, Char," I told her before turning and walking into the kitchen to give them whatever privacy we could afford as vampires.

I leaned against the granite counter and waited as they said goodbye. I heard the shuffle of fabric as they embraced and softly murmured words only the closet of lovers would ever speak. It was such a private moment that I wished for the few seconds I could shut off my senses and not hear them at all. Intruding felt wrong now but we had no other choice.

"This will work, no one understands how to win better than Jasper," Charlotte told Peter with conviction. "He doesn't know how to lose, failure isn't in his character."

I could feel the pang of discomfort that passed through Peter as he spoke. "I know that better than anyone. Still, it doesn't mean he won't do what he needs for him and him alone. I trust him, that's what matters and we both need to remember that."

"You'll take care of everything that you need to, I'm sure," Char whispered.

"Except for you," he muttered bitterly.

"Hey, none of that." When he didn't respond, Charlotte sighed and sadness floated from her emotions. "I'm never far behind Peter."

"Too far for my liking," he replied. "Not close enough to see or hear or touch. Just not close enough, Char."

"I'm never far behind," she repeated strongly.

Silence covered us all. Her words seemed to have a deeper meaning to them both and again I felt like I was intruding on something that wasn't for me to hear. Acceptance and love emanated from Peter.

"Fine, Charlotte. Never far behind, never turn around and never second guess. I'll hear if you call, I'll feel if you fall, and I'll always be waiting at the end," he murmured before the sounds of their slow building kiss had me wanting to shut off my senses or disappear again, if just for a moment to give them their space.

Peter removed himself from the living room and came into the kitchen alone. He stared at me for a moment, his emotions fluctuating within the barrier of trust, contemplation and pain. I decided to say nothing and let him think for a moment before telling me whatever he needed to.

"I trust you," he finally said.

"I know."

"Anything else I need to know before I go?"

I thought for a second before nodding. "Don't make concrete decisions on going there. Change directions, take your time, stop in towns, or even hunt. Make it seem like you're in no rush to get where you need to go. I need at least a couple hours of a time span to make this work. The time in her visions of you, Charlotte, and me need to be awkward and unsure. Contemplate coming back; anything that would change the direction of your future."

"You make it sound like we'll all be separated," Peter stated suddenly. "Don't do that, Jasper. Strongest in numbers."

"Again, I know. You need to trust me."

His eyes bore into mine, silently pleading through his emotions. "Don't let her out of your sight, Jasper, please. Promise me, your word is your life."

_Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. _

"I promise," I responded before pushing toward him waves of trust.

"Jas," he muttered in warning.

"Go, Peter, we don't have time, just remember all I said."

He said nothing else but turned to look where Charlotte had now come to stand in the doorway watching us silently. He nodded and smiled at her before she tossed him a cell phone.

"I'll call, occasionally," Char laughed half-heartedly and shrugged.

"Call when you're coming back," Peter countered.

Peter sighed and Charlotte waved for him to go. He did, reluctantly and we stood immobile in the kitchen area until neither of us could hear his running any longer. I turned to look at Charlotte who wore an expression of confusion.

"You lied to him," she whispered. "Why?"

"How would you know?" I retorted.

"You shifted on your feet, just slightly when you spoke. You never do that, except when you want to hide something from Peter. You hate lying to him," she explained.

"He gave me the idea, it's far better than the original," I reasoned quickly.

"How dangerous?"

"Barely any for you but it creates much more for me."

Charlotte grimaced and shuffled very human-like on her feet. "Should we go too then?"

I shook my head. "I've got a few things to do first. Phone calls that will put part of the plan into action. Also, we need to chat for a minute, so you know some things."

"Okay, let's start," she smiled hesitantly.

"I need a phone and hook Peter's laptop up to the internet. Get dressed, dark, something you don't mind running in for long periods of time. I need a black sweater, something with a hood as well."

"My cell is in the living room. I'll get the other stuff ready," she told me. "I was wondering…" she trailed off and I nodded for her to speak up. "I need to believe what you said too, right? Everything, make decisions and choices about it?"

I grinned and as I walked past, leaned down and kissed her cheek lightly. "And that right there is why I adore you, Charlotte. That is exactly what you need to do." She followed behind me and into the living room before separating off to move into their bedroom.

The phone sat on the coffee table and I picked it up, dialing Carlisle's work number immediately. He was the first piece to the puzzle that I needed to set together for Peter. The rest needed to come as they would.

"Hello?" Carlisle asked as he picked up on the second ring, confused at the unknown number.

"Carlisle, it's Jasper."

"Son, how are you?"

I smirked at the endearment before continuing. "Fine, I have some news you should be aware of."

"Okay," he said hesitantly. "Were you planning on coming home soon? The school is aware of your departure but we used a ruse of visiting family. Graduation is a month away. I'm sure the family wouldn't mind welcoming you home for the celebrations."

I fought the urge to snarl at him to shut up. "I'll be returning, soon enough but not to celebrate. That's not the reason for my call. I've sent Peter to Forks…"

Carlisle interrupted me immediately, "Jasper, that's not a smart choice. He is a human drinker who refuses to control his hunting habits while he visits."

"Let me speak, please," I growled into the phone. "As much as you all dislike Peter's unconventional lifestyle, though it's really only different to you, he is the one I requested to go and do as I need him to. He is coming to finish all my affairs that are dealt through the Cullen family. Prepare all paperwork for him that is needed. The accounts that are mine privately will be taken care of through Peter. Jenks will be notified and of such. He'll be preparing my possessions for removal and anything else he deems necessary."

"The risk to Bella…"

I rolled my eyes and tapped my finger on the phone in an attempt to calm myself down. "Isabella is not at a risk for anything in regards to Peter or his arrival. You can relay that message to your controlling, immoral son as well."

"There is no need for that, nothing qualifies you to make that kind of assessment of Edward," Carlisle shot back.

"Oh no, everything qualifies me too actually. Regardless, Peter is coming. He will do as I asked and once I have finished helping Charlotte with her issue here, I will be coming to finish what he couldn't. I would appreciate if you showed some of that compassion and care you bestow on everyone else to Peter as well. He isn't coming to cause issues or problems. He'd much rather be here with his mate, but it's better that I deal with the problems here and then deal with what I need there."

Carlisle sighed deeply into the phone. "Why do you feel the need to leave our family, Jasper? What have we done to push you away?"

"Are you really asking me that? Do I need to write you out an explanation as to the when, why, and how? I think not. Your family, if that's what you prefer to call them is not mine and has never been. The life you force is not the one I want. Give my regrets to Esme, though I'm sure I'll have a chance to speak to her when I do come back."

"Jasper…"

"Good bye, Carlisle."

I snapped the phone shut just as Charlotte walked back into the room, dressed in black pants and a hoodie. She tossed me a similar zip up black sweater with a hood and then sat the laptop in front of me on the coffee table. The little router plugged into the internet port blinked to say it was connected correctly. I motioned for Charlotte to sit beside me and made an 'S' motion, so small it was barely noticeable on the table.

In case Alice did get a vision of this; it would look as harmless as could be; just Char and I surfing the net as I talked to her about finding the nomads who were causing the issue. We had several hand motions like the 'S' one, each meaning a different thing. We had developed the silent communication during our time with Maria and it stuck whenever we needed quite and a semblance of privacy.

She nodded in response and tapped her index finger once on her thigh to say 'continue'.

"We'll check the maps; show me where the scents were found and the area where confrontation occurred. If they are a part of Maria's army, or scouts looking to cause issues then we'll deal with them accordingly and swiftly, okay?" I was spewing shit out my mouth but it was a good cover. Charlotte only smiled in response and I brought up the web browser on the internet.

Google Maps loaded quickly and I brought up the map of the United States. Charlotte quietly pointed out Arizona to me and I nodded. Showing her the area I believed I would be going to.

"Here, I was hunting too far from the usual range," Charlotte lied as she pointed out a quick path for us to get through to where I needed to go.

"Without Peter?" I asked in response.

She shrugged. "Football night."

Peter didn't really watch football, he was more of a baseball fan if anything but only Charlotte and I knew that. I swivelled the map a bit, bringing it closer to Colorado and I moved the mouse over a little town called Eagle before dragging the map back to its previous position.

That town held importance. If anything was wrong with the family or anything happened during the confrontation, that's where the child needed to go. Charlotte noticed the move and tapped once with her pinky on her leg as confirmation.

"So we track here, see if we can find the scents again," I muttered.

"If they are still around."

"If it's Maria, and the scouts know who you are, I'm sure they will be," I stated quickly.

I closed the laptop and handed it to Charlotte before picking up the cell phone and dialing Emmett's number. He picked up on the second ring, his voice sounding strained.

"Hello?"

"Who is it?" Rosalie asked in the background.

I could hear the sound of their vehicle running and knew they were returning home from the school. Both only had three classes a day, since they had technically graduated the year before but returned for 'upgrades' and more 'college prep' courses.

"It's Jasper," I replied. "Just checking in for a minute."

"Jas, when are you coming home?" Rosalie demanded. "Do you know the shit Edward is pulling? She doesn't leave his sight. She practically lives at the house now, considering that wolf boy might come to hers if she is there. I don't think she has eaten in two days, and she rarely sleeps. I'm not a fan of the human but for Christ's sake; could you please explain why she was happier when you were here?"

I shot a look at Char who stayed wisely silent. "That's something I can't explain. Knock it down to her not feeling confined like she does with Edward. It's not like she meant much to me anyway. Isabella is only a human girl that Edward found his fancy with, besides, I have better things to do with my time right now."

"So, you're not coming back?" Emmett asked though I was sure something in his voice said he knew differently.

"Do I need to, Em?"

He hissed low and muttered something to Rosalie before I heard gravel crunch and the engine stop. The squeak of his door opening could be heard before wind swished into the speaker and I knew he was running far enough away for privacy.

"All you just said was a load of crock," Emmett finally muttered.

"Maybe, maybe not. Either way, it doesn't matter. More pressing matters have come up. I'll be back when I need to be, when everything is fine on both fronts. You'll be having a visitor." Quickly, I filled him in on Peter, giving him the same story I had with Carlisle.

"Edward won't like that," Emmett laughed.

"Oh damn well."

"I've been thinking…" Emmett trailed off but I had an idea of what he was getting at.

"The Volturi?" I asked in response.

I knew it would be bothering him. The trip to Italy after Isabella was changed could irrevocably change Emmett's life. He had already put himself in so much danger by what he had done with his human family and keeping them in his life. Going to Italy meant possibly putting the truth right in the brother's hands.

My plan for Emmett was simple. He already had his seed planted but pressing the issue a little harder would make it all fall into place. Emmett would never know the truth, he wouldn't get the chance to but he would be the one to help Isabella's little boy the most. I would always be grateful, even if I didn't get the chance to tell him.

"Yeah, man."

I sighed for effect, deciding on what buttons I should push exactly. "The family's presence was requested along with Isabella, right?" Emmett made a grunting sound of agreement so I continued. "When I come back, nothing will be the same, Emmett. Decide now what you want to do and who you hold close."

"What does that even mean?"

"Edward put your life in the Volturi's hands, Emmett. He did it thinking it would be to his benefit for Isabella's life without thinking of those around him."

"Are you telling me he knows about… my grandkids?" he interrupted, suddenly angry. "Is that what you are saying, Jasper? I need to know."

I licked my lips, wanting to go about my next words carefully. I needed to be there if a something went down between everyone. I couldn't be too far away where there would be no influence to my benefit.

"I'm saying Italy is the end," I finally said with an honest sadness to my voice. "I'm trying to tell you to prepare for whatever could come."

"So I don't go then. I stay far the fuck away from the brothers and no one knows. I move my family again. Everything is fine," Emmett stated. His sentences were short, fast and to the point. He was worried; the fear in his voice was so clear.

"That won't work," I mumbled into the phone softly, finally giving him a bit of the truth. It wouldn't work for what I needed and it wouldn't work for Emmett either. "I'm telling you right now, brother to brother, that will _not _work and you just need to listen to me."

"I don't know what to do," he choked out. I could hear him pacing in the background, leaves and twigs breaking under his feet. "How would that not work?"

"I told her everything. It was a mistake, a stupid slip of my tongue."

He snarled loud and it echoed into his surroundings. "Why? We don't make _slips of the tongue,_ Jasper!"

"You said you'd watch her, take care of her," I reminded him quickly. "I'm damn well holding you to it."

"You owe me, huge for this."

"I know that, don't you think I fucking know that? I'm trying here. I'm giving you what you need in a way," I shouted into the phone and the speakers crackled from the high octave of my voice. "What do you want, Emmett? More than anything, if you had your last wish granted, what would it be?"

I already knew his answer. He had been trying to do it his entire life but in the end, he had failed miserably. I needed permission without directly saying who or what I planned to do. In fact, I wasn't even thinking about what I planned to do. Safety and intelligence within was key and I held them all.

"Why?" he demanded. "Why is that important?"

"Answer my damn question," I ground out.

"For them to be safe. Elizabeth, her husband and son to be safe. Same for John and his little girl. His wife died of breast cancer last year. The kids are young, it's not fair for them to never see the world, to never grow and love and learn. That's all I want, is for them to live."

"You made a choice, Em," I sighed. "When you exposed yourself as a vampire. When you let them in on the secret and kept it going through the years, you signed their life away, you took the choice away."

"I was selfish. I wanted them too." He sounded so broken, scared and hurt. "What can I do? Should I tell Rosalie?"

"No," I answered immediately. "Do not tell Rosalie." I was sure it would come eventually anyway but right then, until I could do what I needed, she couldn't know either. "Prepare ,Emmett. Choose what you can do now and I'll be there to do what I can."

"My family," he started quietly.

"Will be fine," I finished.

"I've got to go," Emmett whispered. "Rosie's waiting."

"I'll be back soon; I just have things to deal with right now. You need to do what you always do and do it well, better than ever before. Act like nothing is wrong, make no definitive decisions. One more thing…"

"Yeah?"

I looked at Charlotte who was now staring at the wall with emotional pain written across her face. We needed to hurry and I knew it. "Do one last thing for them. Don't ever say it out loud. Don't ever think about it. Give them life, Emmett. Rosalie does it every day. Give it to me to give to them."

"New?"

"Invisible."

"I'll see you soon," he said with a hoarse tone before the phone went dead.

"Is any of this visible?" Charlotte asked me suddenly. I knew what she meant immediately. She was asking if Alice was seeing any of this. I wasn't sure but nothing I said could give away what was to come. I still hadn't made obvious choices to the near future and Emmett had been an odd conversation at best.

"Probably. It doesn't matter, really."

"Should we go?"

Before responding, a notepad caught my attention. It was split second, I hadn't thought of the how regarding the other half to this plan. I didn't know how they would believe or take the situation. This was my only option and I took it. I grabbed the notepad Charlotte had sitting on the back of the couch. I knew she occasionally wrote her thoughts and similar things within but that's not what I needed it for. A pen was sitting on top and I opening it up, flipping to an empty page and writing a letter to a woman I hoped would understand, trust and help.

Once I was done, I ripped out the page and put it in my pocket before I stood up and nodded, grabbing the phone and putting it in my pocket. "Yeah, let's go." Charlotte didn't even question my actions.

We left the cabin quickly and I took the lead. Peter and Charlotte's settlement was located in a wooded area off of Wells, Nevada. It was desolate and a lot of forest covered area. The privacy was perfect for the life they chose to live and it was located close to the Utah border. We ran through the woods, not speaking a word. I'd signal occasionally for Char to move around and run straight for a few miles before I'd take the lead again and show her where to run.

By letting Charlotte make her own moves in a direction I pushed her to go, she really couldn't make definite decisions. Charlotte didn't know where I wanted to end up though I was giving her direction in the area to go. I scouted while we ran, checking for scents and speaking occasionally to Char about possible routes the 'nomads' might have taken. We stayed within wooded areas, covered and protected within and thus made it easier and faster for us to travel.

It took just under forty-five minutes for us to reach the middle of Utah. I stopped and sniffed the air, looking at Char and raising my left brow before snapping my fingers once. The simple movements meant I had scented a trail though I really hadn't. I just wanted Charlotte to go with the plan for effect. She realized and nodded.

"They switched here. Two went straight, two went downward," I relayed to her.

Her gaze tightened on me but she nodded regardless. "What would that mean?"

"Scouting. Looking for more vampires. They'd meet up around probably. Follow that trail and meet me around okay? If it doesn't come back to the border of Arizona or that general area, come back here."

"And if I meet up with one?"

I shook my head. She was scared. That was unlike Charlotte. "I can't see it really. The scent is faint... At least a couple days old for sure."

"The phone?" She asked quietly.

I motioned for her to come to me. When she was close enough, I pulled her in tight for a hug and held her close, whispering everything she needed to know. My lips were against her ear as she held tight to me and listened.

"There is a family of five in Eagle, Colorado. Three adults and two children. The woman's name is Elizabeth McCarty Rainson. The man, her brother, is named John McCarty." I rattled off the address and the names of the children and Elizabeth's husband. "Go there. Give her the letter and tell her to wait for us to come back. Meet me here. Come back here right away," I stressed. "Choose different directions. Never make a concrete decision until you hit that town. Okay?" Her finger tapped once against my back for 'yes'.

I pulled away and handed Charlotte the letter in my palm, hidden from view completely. She switched it to her pocket and nodded. "Don't forget to call Peter," I finished.

She didn't have the phone but she knew it was for effect. I still had it and I needed to make one last call.

"So follow the scent and if it goes around to the border, meet you there. If it goes farther, come back?"

"Yeah."

Charlotte turned slightly toward the direction she needed to go. "Be safe, Jasper."

"Run fast, Char," I replied.

"I'm never far behind," she repeated to me with a tiny smile before she was off like a bullet.

I moved at a speed that was fast but not as fast as Charlotte's. I needed to bide my time for a while. I needed to be closer to the Arizona border before I really could make definite decisions and choices.

Jacob Black couldn't be seen. His whole pack was invisible. I needed his help and I knew he could and would give it. Once I was a few miles off of the border line, I pulled out the phone and dialed Jacob's home number. I had it memorized from Isabella's phone and when we had traded shifts to watch her.

"Hello?" A gruff voice answered. "Billy Black here."

"Is Jake home?" I asked.

"He's sleeping," his father replied.

"Wake him up," I responded, stopping my run completely.

"Who is this?"

"Really, it doesn't matter. Wake him up. Tell him it's about Isabella."

"Who?"

I rolled my eyes. Of course that would confuse them. They only used that annoying nickname. "Bells. Tell him it's about Bells."

"Is she okay?" he demanded.

"If you wake him up, yes. If not, I can't guarantee it," I growled. This whole conversation was taking too fucking long. I heard shuffling in the background and Billy called to his son several times before Jacob's sleep filled voice filled the phone with a 'who the fuck is this?'. "Jasper," I answered.

"Man, where have you been?" he snarled.

"Gone, obviously. Listen, I don't have time. Just hear me out. Do as I say and everything will be fine. I need your ability to make everything blank. I need the pack. I've sent a vampire to the Cullen residence. He is a human drinker but I guarantee he will not hunt anywhere near Washington so I suggest you do not attack him or there will be hell to pay."

"Is that it?"

"No. That's just the tip of the fucking iceberg."

"What else?" he asked quickly. I could hear the shuffle of clothes as he dressed quickly.

"Call your Alpha. Call a meeting immediately with the Cullens. I mean _right fucking now. _Within the hour, Jacob," I explained.

"I need a reason for the meeting," he hissed.

"Her change. Edward plans on changing her in a month. Make the meeting last. Hours. At least three, four is best."

"Why, Jasper? You haven't been around. I have no idea what happened. I couldn't talk to her or you. What in the hell would make me trust you?"

I clenched my teeth before sighing deep. "Because, she picked the wrong vampire and I'm fixing it all. Is that good enough?"

"Perfect," he replied. "Do you want a reply before we go in to the meeting?"

"Yes. Call right before you leave. Be careful with your thoughts. Do not mention to your pack, do not think about it to your pack that you spoke with me. If you do, I promise he will kill her, Jacob. I know he will. You need to tread carefully."

"What about you? Can't the seer know this is happening?"

I smirked. "I just brought you into it. I'm nearly positive Alice is blind and if she isn't, I'm sure she is too occupied right now to be focusing on me."

"So…"

"Another reason for the vampire I sent," I shot out quickly. "Call me back soon," I stated before rattling off the number.

I hung up the phone and paced the ground, running in circles and not making any certain decisions for the moment. I had planned Peter's leave and the two phone calls to Jacob and Emmett perfectly. I knew from experience that from the moment Edward would know Peter was approaching, he would have Alice searching his future like mad. Since my directions to Peter were meant to be confusing for Alice, Edward would be aggravated and worried. Too bothered to focus on me.

Twenty minutes later, the phone in my pocket rang. "Hey," I said as soon as I picked up.

"Hey, Jasper. Meeting is in thirty minutes. They seemed a bit shook up when Sam and I called," Jacob explained.

"Keep your thoughts and words in check," I reminded.

"Sealed like ice," he replied and the phone went dead again.

The phone resumed its place in my pocket. The sky was nearing an orange color and the forest was quiet, near peaceful; the calm before the storm. I wondered about Charlotte for a minute, hoping she was far enough ahead that she would be nearly there by now. When I was positive everything was safe and Alice would be fully blind to everything, I took off again, passing over the Arizona border fast.

New scents bombarded me near immediately. There had in fact been vampires who had traveled this area within the last week; a coven of vampires. The scents continued through Arizona, weaving through small towns where I guessed the vampires had stopped to hunt. They had moved directly toward Phoenix and I followed the scent trails with a good suspicion these were the ones I had been looking for. One scent was familiar but it was too faint for me to get a strong scent to know for sure. Either way, if it wasn't the correct vampires Edward and Alice were using to hold the child's life hostage, I was still moving in the right direction.

I had been running for over a half hour and I still had at least another hour to go. I needed to move faster. I pushed my legs harder, shooting through the forest like an unseen, deadly bullet. Time was of the essence, literally. Everything depended on the short few hours I had left.

_Your future is just beyond your grasp. _

_You've almost made it. _

_Can you feel it? _

_Practically touch it? _

_Is it visible? _

_Yes. _

_She is everything you always knew you needed and she is just beyond your grasp. _

_I almost have it. _


	15. Chapter 15

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 15: Chapter 15**

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**A/N: Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03.**

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**Jasper POV**

Crossing the Grand Canyon was probably the easiest part of the beginning of my journey through Arizona. I bypassed tourist areas, thankful the sky was dark enough that my skin wouldn't shimmer like a diamond and moved to the areas that were blocked off specifically for research and similar activities. Traveling at a speed too fast for any humans that might be around, I skimmed down the walls of the canyon by the balls of my feet, leaping half way across the river at the bottom before swimming to the other side and making a fast climb of the canyon wall on the other side.

Deciding I had risked enough exposure of myself for one night, I scented the tracks of the other three vampires I had before and followed their trails straight into the forest areas on the other side of the Canyon. The scents that had been faint before became stronger and more defined as I went. There were two males and a female.

The one male, he had led the three. It was obvious from the position he took when they ran together and the trails they left throughout the areas and the towns they had visited. His tracks were the ones that led me off to small spots where he had climbed a tree or scouted a clearing before his scent would return to the original position with the others and they all would resume their run. His scent covered several trees and in certain areas it appeared as though he had paced lines in the ground.

His intentions were quite apparent to me because I had seen it and participated in the same acts many times before. The leader was marking his territory so to speak. The areas he clearly marked were designated for his coven only and it was meant to give off the appearance that no other vampires were permitted to set permanent ground in the area.

That fact bothered me more as I ran farther into an Arizona forest and occasionally broke stride through small towns because the scents became stronger; more marked areas appeared and frequent hunting grounds became noticeable. Of course, it would only be really evident to another vampire.

No human would see the light spray of blood that speckled the leaves on the trees from where an artery had been severed and blood gushed from the wound, misting the areas they died in. A human would never smell the rotting corpses buried beneath the boulders by the large brook or notice that what may have appeared to be small whitish rocks or tiny chucks of mud mixed in with the dirt was actually crushed bones and rotted flesh that had been ripped apart and scattered.

A fingernail here and strands of human hair with scalp still attached there. Hunting grounds almost seemed _wrong _as a title. This was their play ground, their game of substance and cruel survival.

The coven liked to play with their food a bit much for my tastes. They thrived on the fear they caused in the human they choose before making their last moments the most terrifying and agonizing they could.

The only female of the three was either mated to the leader or had found temporary companionship with him. The remnants of their sex were just as obvious to my eyes and nose as their play grounds were. I could smell the remainder of their mingled venom that lingered on a fallen tree; the clear liquid was dried but smelled of both arousal and sex. The claw marks on a tree would look as though a deer had scratched its antlers against the bark to mark its territory, or a bear even if a human gazed upon the marks in wonder. I saw them as they were, the female had grasped tight to the tree, digging her hands against the wood and tearing off the bark as the leader took her from behind.

There was more evidence to the coven's marking of their territory and everyday life as I continued on quickly. Small scraps of fabric that smelled of the female and leader was close to a buried corpse and darkened mud where blood had been spilled recently. I was getting closer. The dirt was still moist from the blood; they had fed within the last day.

Arizona was a large place with a huge human population. The last time I had traveled through it, there were five vampire scents that were new and old. Now there were only the three. I wondered how long they had actually been here before they had been called to do whatever duty they were currently doing.

It also led me to another thought. One that brought on suspicions and more questions. Why were they marking their territory so clearly? What urge pursued them to do it everywhere? The only rational reason I could come up with bothered me deeply. They were creating a permanent residence in Arizona. They were staking claim because they had planned to be here for a while and didn't want any random nomads passing through to accidentally come upon whatever they were currently doing.

It worried me and I didn't like the feeling. It left me with an uneasy, unsettling feeling in my gut that I hadn't felt for a long time.

Vicious. Cruel. Violent. Crazed.

It was a horrid mixture that Arizona police officials would never really notice because they would never really know the truth of it all. Any bodies found would be assumed to be a serial killer or deranged animal that was out of control. Missing persons that would be reported day after day by the families would be overlooked as they assumed the younger ones had run away and the older ones had been killed and never recovered. Human life only garnered so much time for enjoyment and fun. Why would the officials spend so much time and put in so much effort looking for something that was all too common when they could _never really find it?_

All that visual of a malevolence way of life and the thoughts now running through my mind brought me straight back to the previous night when I had killed a young human I had met in the bar for nothing more than smelling sweet and being a woman whose hormones were surging wildly. The way I hunted was different. I didn't feel any need to justify my hunting habits or the humans I killed but it was diverse. I would never play a sadistic game of cat and mouse. To rip a human apart piece by piece while they were still alive to feel the pain, to cut them and make them watch their life line bleed from their body… those thoughts disgusted me.

I killed to feed but I planned to enjoy the blood I imbibed. Humans were my substance to thrive but they were not pawns and I was not God to decide. I had lived that life once and it was nothing but hate and destruction. I refused to ever go back. Still, I was who I was and the Cullen existence that had been forced on me was not a life I enjoyed or found satisfaction in.

Parks. Sedona. Pine. Cave Creek. I travelled through the sleeping towns quickly, passing more though the names were unimportant really. I was sure the coven of three didn't even hunt to feed most times, they more or less hunted to play and engage the terror, hunted for pleasure of fear, blood and orgasmic bliss. Sadistic games. Evil enjoyments. I could only assume they were bored and picked random humans from random towns they travelled through, taking them into the surrounding woods or desert areas, whichever was closer or more private and playing a sick game of cat and mouse; a game a human could never win against a vampire.

The scents drifted in a different direction that led me straight into the North Mountain Preserve.

A few broken and splintered trees were lying on the earth's floor along with large, body shaped scuffs and small cratered holes. Venom had been spilled there and it smelled of the third member of the coven, the only one I recognized and knew from a passing moment in my life thirty years earlier.

_Laurent. _

The only significant value he held that I knew of was Irina of the Denali coven. She considered him her mate, though he all out refused to wavier in his human drinking lifestyle. He occasionally visited and I had been told by Alice that Irina often left her family behind to make visits to him as well.

Thirty years ago we had visited the Denali's and Laurent was just leaving as we arrived. Eleazar and Carmen outwardly expressed their extreme dislike and distrust of the vampire once he was gone though, Irina, depressed at Laurent's departure once again, sulked about the house without really hearing what they were saying. Nothing about him had seemed off to me for the twenty seconds he had spent in the house with our coven. None of us had spoken to him at all, though Edward and Alice watched him like a hawk would a mouse. Somehow that made sense to me now when it had seemed like harmless suspicion on their parts before.

Laurent travelled alone, they told us. He had no coven, they said. Still, his nomadic existence, refusal of animal blood, and all around secretive vibes be gave off made it hard for the Denali coven to accept him and even harder for Irina to leave the people she had come to love deeply and trust as well. Now, I understood it a bit more clearly. Alice knew him from somewhere. The past she tried to feign as blank held him and possibly the other two unknown vampires in it. Edward had seen the truth in her mind. He was first in line to protect her secrets, considering all the ones he had of his own that she held deeply locked within her depths.

I was enraged. I was beyond feeling emotion that could control my mind any longer as those realizations came to me. Alice and Edward must have known the type of vampires they were sending to watch Isabella's son. They had to know what they were capable of and what they actively participated in daily. And still, knowing all those things, they still sent them.

_Why? Why would they send someone so…demented? _

_Alice is insane after all. You knew this. _

_Regardless, it's hard to comprehend the reasoning behind those types of vampires… it's almost as if they expected something to happen…_

"No," I growled out, stopping my survey of the broken area where a fight had obviously ensued at some point. "Damn it."

Nearly everything made sense now. Regardless of the choices Isabella made. Despite doing everything they wanted her to when they demanded it of her. In spite of the pain and life she would face from the truth of it all… Edward and Alice never planned for the child to live. They expected him to die and planned for it to be a horrifying process.

I felt _sick. _I was _furious_ and _out of control. _

_When were they going to kill him? After they changed her? Before? Was he already dead? What about the family, his family that was raising him? Would they make her kill her own child as another way to gain control when she really had lost it all? What kind of game was this? It's not a game. This is her life, her last gift. _

_Make the choice. It's your move now. You will win it all if you do this right. _

I had the upper hand. I was stronger though I had three other vampires to face in the end. I held the element of surprise and a sense of triumph in the knowledge I had received from following their trails and learning their movements. They didn't know I was coming. They might have been told about my capabilities but they had yet to experience it first hand. Despite it all, I was sure of my win already.

They were going to die. Whether the child was still alive or not, they were going to _burn _and I was going to be the one who sent them straight to hell with a fucking smile on my face while I did it and it wouldn't be half of what they all deserved_. _

Again I turned my attention to the area where the fight had occurred. There were no ashes or sign of where a fire had been. The scent of venom that had been spilled let me know it was only a small amount. Perhaps a finger had been removed from Laurent's body so a point could be made. Maybe a strong punch had been delivered that broke off part of his face as form of punishment for something else.

Either way, Laurent had angered his leader. He'd done something or said something that warranted, in his leader's mind, whatever he had been given. Laurent was their weak link. He held some compassion, or weakness, it could be seen either way. Regardless, he lived through the encounter. I still had three to contend with and I was losing valuable time by standing around.

I continued on, pushing through the dense area until I had to pass through a smaller area of a city to get onto the route I knew I needed to be on. Phoenix was a huge area but I knew right where I needed to go and the quickest way to get there was going straight through the Phoenix Mountains Preserve. I climbed the sides of the one mountain quickly, trekking through the brush and using the darkness of the sky to my advantage.

The scents of the coven were weaker on the one side of the mountain. They had bypassed it in their earlier travels and instead it appeared as if they continued straight through to the center of Phoenix, most likely to hunt again. There were some light trails on the farther side I was travelling but they were faint and had been unused for the most part.

Half way through the mountains, pure agonizing pain and terror ripped into my emotions. The waves I received were strictly human but the next wave was not; vampire. Disgust, enjoyment, disdain, _thirst. _Only one vampire and as a light gust of wind brought the scent of fresh blood and the vampire's distinct scent, I knew which one it was. I immediately wanted to push myself faster to get to the area quicker but that could alert him to my presence.

Despite my first reactions, I slowed and watched my steps more carefully, avoiding any dried brush that would create unnecessary noise. Three vultures that were circling the sky as I passed them from beneath cried loudly from my intrusion and flew off in the direction I had come from.

Something moving caught my eye. The ground, the once dried dirt was darker in one spot and beetles and bugs crawled over the blood-soaked ground. Someone had been killed there. I could smell the rotted odor of decaying flesh, old congealed blood and the mixture of body fluids and gasses as the corpses beneath the ground decomposed away slowly.

My first assumption was that the makeshift grave belonged to only one body. The amount of blood on the ground showed enough for a human male who had been brutally beaten perhaps. That theory would have worked, if there hadn't been two different blood types soaking the soil. _Two younger sisters. _I felt sick again. It proved my theory that the family and the boy wasn't expected to live. By the smell and the amount of blood that _was _dried, I would have guessed it was less than two days since they were killed and buried.

About three miles ahead of my position, I could hear the faint and weakened thump, thump of a human male's heart as it stuttered and skipped it's rhythmic beat. I couldn't see him through the brush but I could smell him, his blood's scent now washed the air every time the wind blew towards me. He was well on his way to becoming dead as well.

"He…ll…p… Mm…mee," came the broken, pain filled whisper. Pain was all I could feel from him now. There was no fear when his emotions switched, only hope before acceptance would take over and then excruciating pain replaced them all again.

There were no other sounds in the area now except for the ones that came from the human three miles ahead. No crunch from a vampire walking. No breathing as they would retrieve air for their senses to know what was coming. No movement. Nothing to expect. He had heard me coming. I realized then that the vultures who were waiting to dig up the shallow grave and pick away at the little girl's decaying bodies had given me away.

"Shit," I hissed before taking off like a shot toward the area where I could hear and feel the man.

Laurent was still close. Either he hadn't been well informed of me and my gift or he knew he couldn't run. The house that occupied Isabella's child was at the bottom of the mountains on the other side. Still another twenty mile run from where I now stood. If Laurent ran, I could easily catch him and end him without the other two ever knowing I was coming for them as well.

I broke through the dried brush to see the man propped up against a rock. He still didn't see me or even hear me for that matter. He was too busy staring blankly at his hands, every finger crushed and covered with crimson blood. Actually, most of his body and the area he occupied was covered in his blood.

I swallowed back the venom that pooled instinctively in my mouth. He smelled fantastic for a human but I wasn't in the mood for a meal. Having hunted the night before had given me another move ahead. The burn was there, desire to taste the blood was beating through but there was no _need to feed. _For the first time in sixty years, I had no urge to drink from a human openly bleeding directly in my vicinity.

It was a complex thing in my mind but I didn't have time to dwell on the feelings.

Ryan Micheal Barson lay at my feet, bleeding and broken, swelled and bruised. His one arm, lying on his lap with the other was twisted at the shoulder joint in an awkward position. The left side of his face was smashed and swollen; the eye area was bleeding and nearly closed shut from dried blood and engorged tissue. The area on his stomach above his hands bled out the crimson lifeline in a streaming flow of blood as his hands caught the blood and he whimpered while he watched.

"Ryan," I whispered, crouching down in front of him quickly and pushing blonde, matted with blood and mud hair from his face. "Look at me," I demanded. "We don't have time right now."

At the sound of my voice, he lifted his head and stared at me terrified through his one good eye that had speckles of blood behind the whites. His pupil dilated rapidly but the fear in his emotional stream told me he understood what I was.

"Nnnnn…nnooo…. Pllleea…ssse ddonnn't," he stuttered out.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, feeling the emotional stream from Laurent who was watching silently close by. I couldn't hear him or see him, but he was there, waiting for his moment when he thought it would be safe to attack. He had been so mislead about me. He didn't realize his mistake.

"Listen to me," I hissed, grabbing onto Ryan's chin and holding his now limp head up so he could look at me. "I'm not here to hurt you."

He stared at me blankly before overwhelming pain came over him and he coughed, blood spitting from his mouth and speckling the black hoodie I was wearing. I had turned my head in time, but light blood drops sprayed the side of my cheek as well.

"Gi…rrr…lllss," he whispered once the coughing fit had gone away. "Goo...ne."

"They killed them," I finished for him. He tried to nod in response but it only resulted in him coughing another mouthful of blood out. "And the rest of your family?"

"Oookkkaa…y," he managed.

"They are okay?"

Something in his eyes told me that was only half the truth though his emotions only fluctuated pain and terror. "Sccc…Scccrreams. Sssoo mmmmaa…nnn…nyyy sssscreams," he finally whimpered.

"The infant?" I asked, wanting to know about the boy.

"Lllllyyyssenn crriiess…. Annn ttrr…ttries to heell…llpp hi…mmm."

_Lysen. _

I finally had a name for the baby who meant so much to my mate. I wanted to revel in the moment for a second but I could feel Laurent's decision in his emotions to attack soon. He was getting anxious, excited and a bit scared. Fear should have been his number one priority.

"I'll make it go away," I whispered to the man in front of me. "I'll stop the pain, and you'll see your daughters soon."

His eye met mine again. Blue flecked with red. Gratitude flowed from him. He was thanking me for ending his pain, thanking me for stopping the suffering and sending him to his happiness again.

"Help them too, please," he begged. It was the last sentence he ever spoke and it was the most coherent I had received from him.

I leaned forward, shoving all the peace I could into his emotions before my fingers grasped onto his neck, barely touching the skin before I gripped tight, closed my eyes and twisted quick, snapping his neck and ending his life on this earth.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, removing my hands and wiping the blood on them onto my jeans. I wasn't even sure what I was apologizing for yet.

"You have a heart in that soul of yours," Laurent exclaimed from behind me in mock surprise. I chuckled but kept my back turned. I wanted him to charge me blindly, not knowing what I would or could do. "I thought about changing him for a moment. Though James got a bit irritated at the house and by the time I arrived here, he had lost far too much blood to continue on that route. He wouldn't have survived it."

He had a deep French accent to his dialect. I hadn't heard him speak the first time I'd seen him so that was a surprise.

"What warranted his death?" I asked with my back still turned. I picked at my nails, removing the blood that was drying beneath them. "Surely he didn't deserve so much pain." Laurent laughed and I braced for an attack as he moved a small amount closer to my position. The attack didn't come but I still stayed prepared.

"He tried to run of course. To help the others."

"And the little girls? Did they run too?"

Another laugh came from him and my eyes narrowed in anger. "Oh, heavens no. Victoria suggested that one; too many children running about the house. James agreed though he thought it would help make a statement to the two adults. It did of course, despite not seeing that they had in fact died. They did see James covered in blood when he returned, that was a fun experience. That's how the man's arm was broken; Victoria defending her mate and all. James found it amusing."

"And you?" I asked quietly. "How did you find the situation?"

"Boring," came his response. "Utterly dull."

"The other three, they are still alive," I stated, already knowing the answer.

Laurent hummed under his breath and I turned just slightly to look at him for a second. He was rocking on the balls of his feet, his emotions fluctuating between assent, fear and anticipation. "Well, two are. The older boy, well he is undergoing some… adjustments to his life and future."

They were changing Lee's brother. I felt the shudder creep through me but I held it in. "The baby and woman?"

"Oh, she is watching her children, both actually. The baby continues to cry, I suppose he is hungry though we can't allow them to leave the room, what with trying to constantly escape and all that. The older boy, his renovations are almost complete. Another few hours and he'll wake up to a new view on life. His first meal will be his brother and his mother. How terribly sad for him but such an exciting spectacle for us."

I smiled outwardly, realizing Laurent's mistake as I turned to face him completely. "Uncle," I corrected. "The boy is the infant's uncle."

Confusion filled him and he stared at me for a moment. "No, you are mistaken. The baby is his brother."

"That's what everyone thinks," I chuckled, taking a small step in his direction. "That's what everyone was told, except for maybe your coven members. What did they tell you were the reasons for your being here? Was it because James owes a debt to Alice, or possibly Edward? Do they have something he wants? Did they even give you a reason, Laurent?" I hissed, smiling as I did so. "You're the weak link of the three. You're the wild card, the unexpected. James doesn't know how to take you or your choices and he doesn't know if you'll return from your next hunt or if you'll run back to Irina."

"Do not talk about my mate," he growled, rage filling him.

I shrugged and placed my hands behind my back, clasping them together and standing a little straighter for effect. "He makes demands of you to prove your agreement in their choices, doesn't he? When you disagree on the smallest of things, he shows his power and strength over you. Is he gifted in some way? He must be or you would have left by now. Am I right?"

Laurent said nothing but his eyes narrowed at my words. I hit the right button and I continued pressing it.

"He is, isn't he? Well, let's discuss. It's a powerful gift, obviously; something that prevents you from running. Why is that? Are you more scared for yourself, or your mate? Has he threatened her life if you leave? It's apparent in his hunting styles and games that he lacks completely in care for human life and its standing in this world. What would make your life, or Irina's any different to him? He's capable. He'll find you. He'd make you watch while he ripped her apart and burned her slowly. Were those his threats?"

"Stop talking," Laurent snarled, his anger nearly overwhelming him and I waited for the attack.

He had more control over his urges then I anticipated. It didn't matter really; I was done playing nice with the man. Time was slipping by and I couldn't wait much longer.

James' gift had to be something that Laurent knew he could never escape from. Tracking was the most likely. It all depended on how James gift of being able to find a person worked.

"Does he scent them? Or is it a mental thing? Does he imagine the person, see them in his mind and allow his gift to take over his senses to seek out the actual being? He likes the game in the hunt. That's why you've got bodies shredded and buried all over Arizona. It doesn't even have to be a meal, just a game of hide and seek, cat and mouse, predator and prey. The human never wins. You could never win. Irina would die."

"I told you to shut up."

I smiled and released by grip from behind my back, holding my arms out and waving at the area around me. "You don't even like this. Sure, it's fun for a while but then it gets old. How long have you wanted to leave? How many times has he proved his leadership above you to prove a point? How close has he come to killing your mate to keep your life hostage, Laurent? Do you miss her? How long has it been since you last saw her? Would it help to know someone else takes care of her while you're gone?" He growled in warning and I shrugged. "She's a woman, a very beautiful succubus and I have knowledge in the fact that Edward has shared her bed many times."

It was a lie. Edward went to Tanya and never Irina but I got the effect I wanted. He snarled and venom flew from his mouth before he charged me. I crouched low and as he crouched just lightly and began his pounce in my direction, I moved to the left just in time, turning quickly and kicking him hard behind his right knee. The sudden movement and quick action caused him to stumble and crash into the corpse still leaning against the rock. The impact of his body crushed the body and the rock.

Blood squirted from the mangled body of the man, covering Laurent who roared in disbelief and tried to frantically regain his composure as he stood back up and turned to look at me covered in blood and what were the internal workings of the human.

"Come on then, kill me," I taunted.

He charged again only this time I jerked forward, surprising him again by using an action he hadn't prepared for. He thought I'd move to the side again but I wasn't one to use the same tactic twice in a fight. That was a stupid mistake to make.

I felt his shock at my choice in stance but he didn't break stride. I had no intention of letting him hit me and instead I threw my hand out hard, catching him in the side of the face and hearing the telltale crunch and screech of twisted metal as I gripped onto his jaw and pulled hard. His one hand reached up to grab onto mine that was currently twisting his granite skin, slowly ripping the side of his cheek off.

His other hand pulled back and slammed forward in an attempt to hit me or grab onto something for leverage. I moved to the side, forcing his body down to his stomach in a quick switch of placement as I pulled and twisted a little harder on his cheek, using my free hand to grab the hand he attempted to hit me with. I yanked hard, releasing his cheek as the granite tore and using my foot to kick his shoulder blade hard. A loud crunch and pop sounded, not enough to remove the appendage but enough force to cause serious pain.

Laurent screamed in agony and incredulity as I smiled at the sound. He struggled, trying to flip himself over in an attempt to fight back. He was weaker than most. He wasn't a trained fighter at all. Still keeping my grasp on his one arm and my foot shoved roughly against his lower back, I reached down and grabbed his free hand that was uselessly grabbing at the dirt in an attempt to find leverage again.

My foot on his lower back stayed in place as I stepped up onto him with my other foot and placed it on the back of his neck. I bent down enough to have the right length I needed, pulling his arms taught and pressing all my weight into both of my feet. Sensing what I was doing, he struggled again, arching his body as if to release the pressure from my moves.

"Stop struggling," I muttered annoyed. "It only makes the process more painful in the end."

"Please," he begged.

I clicked my tongue in mock disproval and bent down a little farther, pulling harder on his arms to make up for the room I had given him. "I don't think so. Now, let's have a quick chat before I finish with this mess, hm?"

"I have nothing to say," he hissed.

I pulled tighter, and he screamed out as I heard his granite skin tear just a small amount along the front of his neck line. "Oh you do, and you will. Would you like a bit of encouragement?" I asked quietly.

He shook his head no but said nothing.

"Well, I'll give you some regardless. You will tell me what I want or this process will be slower and more painful. In one swift move your arms and head will be removed from your body. The rest of you will struggle, twitch and feel pain as your body tries to regain control and reattach. During that time, I'll remove your legs while your head watches. You will still feel pain, if you didn't get that part the first time. Or didn't you know that? Your body works as a whole. Every nerve doesn't need the head or brain to send messages like a human's does. Our body works differently. I could go into the semantics of it all but it's kind of pointless, just knock it down to the venom and the way it heals and burns."

"Please," he repeated, his voice was hoarse and filled with terror and pain. His emotions fluctuated rapidly between both and I couldn't help but grin.

"I'm not done yet," I growled, pressing a bit harder on his neck to prove my point. He hissed low at the pain, more granite flesh tearing at his neck line. "When you lose an appendage your body feels the loss. The removed piece twitches and moves as if to find its rightful place. The rest of you will scream to have it found as well. It hurts; it burns like acid where ever the area of loss is. So, to finish this discussion up, so you understand what I am saying completely… I'll leave you here, broken apart piece by tiny little piece. I won't even burn you."

I felt hope leak from him and I chuckled darkly causing fear to pump through his emotions again.

"I wasn't finished, Laurent." I smirked. "I'll leave you broken. Your body will struggle to heal. When your head makes its way to the spilled blood and guts from that man's body on the ground, you'll lick it off to help aid the venom to heal and replace what you've lost. That would be a pathetic and disgusting sight. You'll be weak, in pain and begging for someone to burn you by the end of it all. When you do heal, and you will, haphazardly with some missing chunks as I plan to burn a few pieces of your flesh so you will feel some burning and terror… Sorry, I got off track there. Anyway, when you do heal and you find strength enough to hunt again, I'll never be too far off. I'll do this again and again. I'll track you all over this earth and back, ripping you apart piece by useless fucking piece before I leave you to heal only to come back and do it again and again. You like to play games, sick fucking games. Well you have no idea about the games I can play."

When I finished, every inch of his body shook with fear. He was barely holding it together, gasping for unneeded breath as I let the reality settle over him.

"Is that what you want?" I finally asked, my voice giving off every inch the superiority and terror that I could be. "And I should mention, Laurent, if Irina is ever with you during one of our encounters, if she steps in my way or decides to retaliate, I will not hesitate to make every promise and threat James gave to you come true. I do not make empty threats. I follow through, every single fucking time."

He shook a little more and sobs finally broke through.

"Don't feel too badly, Laurent. Don't feel unworthy or horrible about yourself. I have made bigger and better men than you break down and I didn't even need to touch them to do it. Did you know that about me? My gift of empathy is rather useful in a fight though I didn't even need to use it on you."

I rocked on my heels a bit, putting more pressure on his arms as he cried out in pain again.

"Stop, I'll tell you whatever you want," he mumbled through sobs. "Please don't hurt her. Ever."

I nodded despite myself, keeping my grip on his wrists and the pressure with my feet on his neck and lower back. "Good. You didn't know about me, correct?"

"No, the Denali never talked much about the gifts the Cullens possessed. They didn't trust me enough," he whimpered.

I shrugged. "For good reason obviously. And your coven, what do they know?"

He shook his head frantically. "I don't know. James told me nothing of much importance. If I refused or voiced an opposite opinion to his choices, what he delivered was usually pain filled and terrible. I found it easier to survive if I did as he demanded."

"Wise choice. How smart is he? A tracker correct? A fighter possibly? His mate, is she gifted or useless?" I shot the questions out quickly, deciding I had wasted enough time and wanted to get this whole thing over with.

"James is incredibly tactical. I've never seen anything or anyone like him in all my years until…" He trailed the sentence off and I felt trepidation trickle from his emotional stream.

"Until what?" I growled, punctuating the question with a rough push of my foot.

"Until you," he screamed. "Never until you. He's a tracker. His games are deadly. Victoria loves him deeply but he only uses her to his advantage for his more dangerous games when they involve things that could harm us all."

"Like what?"

"Hunting werewolves in Siberia, eradicating smaller covens for entertainment," he explained quickly.

"So she's gifted in some way," I filled in the blanks.

"She says no and so does he but I swear she is. It's like she sees the easiest route out. An escape artist when there appears to be no way out of a situation she always survives it without a scratch," he whispered.

"Do you know what the plans were for this family or why you came here?" I finally asked. He was quiet and taking too long to answer as far as I was concerned. I pushed a little harder and felt both his arms crack loudly from the pressure when I pulled back. He roared in pain. "I don't have time for your nonsense. Answer my question."

He yelled the answer at me quickly, obviously having taken enough of my punishment. "James only said he could get what he wanted by doing what she asked. Victoria didn't understand and I really didn't either. He said they were all to be killed, and the baby was to be the last left to die, in a way that would kill the mother."

"But Ann, the woman who is looking after the baby is not the mother," I explained quietly. "My mate is that child's mother. My mate, whose life is being held hostage in place for the child's, is that baby's mother. I didn't come here to help them, only that little boy. Have you harmed him?" I asked calmly, though I pushed out every ounce of fear and hate I could into his system.

"No, though James and Victoria grow tired of his cries. They threaten the moth… Ann constantly if she doesn't keep him quiet. He's hungry, and I assume he needs things that a baby would need. Diapers, food, milk."

"Yes, he certainly would. Is the house void of those things?"

He shook his head. "No, James demanded they be locked up with the boy who is changing in the far bedroom that belongs to the parents," he explained.

"Is there a way into the house?"

"No," he whimpered.

I growled in anger. "You're lying. There is a way into every house. Now, try that answer again please."

I felt his contemplation over riding his fear. "There is a chimney. It's rather large and I'm assuming there is a gate or something in the middle of it that protects from birds or something coming inside. There is lattice along the side of the house. You could climb it and get inside, break through the gate and take them by surprise."

I smiled at his helpfulness. "Thank you, that wasn't so hard now, was it?"

"Except James' senses are highly perceptive, more so than other vampires. It deals with his gift I'm sure of it," he told me, finally letting his body relax and laying his cheek into the dirt. "He can smell farther, hear and see farther."

"Not this far, though," I stated. "Or they'd have come."

"No, not this far," Laurent agreed.

"When do they expect you back?"

"Anytime," was his response.

I hummed for a moment. "I lied, Laurent."

"What?" He asked me confused.

"I lied," I repeated in a bored voice. "I said it would be quick if you cooperated. I only keep my word to those who deserve the respect of my trust. You do not."

"Please," he begged. "Irina…"

"Will get over you when she finds out the truth and if for some insane reason she decides to come after my mate or me, she will suffer the same fate as you," I interrupted. "You will burn tonight, reduced to nothing but ashes in the wind. Would you like to know something interesting, something as a consolation to your death? You'll feel better, I promise," I soothed.

When he said nothing, I continued regardless.

"She's never been with Edward. Provocation is my best defence. Oh and one more thing before we're done, the other two will die tonight as well so she will be safe. It's the only gift I guarantee for you tonight but after this, everything is as she deems it to be. If she retaliates, you'll see her in hell I'm sure."

With those words, I pushed every ounce of terror and pain I had felt from Ryan when Laurent was in the process of killing him. Laurent shook beneath me, sobbing and screaming at the emotions I pulsed into his system that mixed with his own.

"That's how you made him feel, Laurent. Such a terrible fucking way to die and now you get to feel it too. Be sure to tell the devil I say hi, I'm sure he'll be grateful for the gift Charon delivers him tonight," I said before pushing all my weight slowly onto both feet and pulling his arms taught at the same speed.

It was slow and painful. The metal ripping of his flesh tearing apart little by little, bit by bit echoed with his screams of pain.

"Keep screaming, Laurent, I love to hear my victims scream," I said roughly.

As if he didn't hear me, his screams continued until the clink of separating metal was heard and I held both his hands limply by my sides. His head, severed from his body lay on the ground as well, venom seeping from the holes in his shoulders and neck. Both eyelids twitched spastically in pain and his mouth was twisted into a grimace.

I stepped off his body and it jerked and trembled as well, looking for the rest of its missing pieces. I tossed the arms onto the torso before reaching down, bracing my feet on either side of the backs of his knees and pulling quickly on the legs, ripping them from the body as well. It was useless really. He wouldn't be able to put himself back together but I wanted to make the point of pain to the idiot. Venom leaked profusely, saturating the area with the scent and nearly removing all of mine. I smiled as I devised a plan in that moment.

If James had incredible senses, much more lethal than usual, the way to get around them would be as simple as tricking the mind. It would be like blindfolding a human and telling them they were about to eat something sweet before you shoved something sour into their mouth.

_One down, two to go. _


	16. Chapter 16

_**Someday**_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 16: Chapter 16**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03. **

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**Jasper POV**

I unzipped the black hoodie I had gotten from Charlotte and dropped it to the ground, ignoring the still twitching and dismembered pieces of Laurent. His emotions were flowing continuous streams of pain, terror and now starting to border on crazy. I didn't plan on leaving him like that for long, but the vampires at the bottom of the mountain could see the plume of smoke that would appear from me burning him right away. I needed those few extra minutes to get myself prepared before I dropped a match to his ass and let the flames fly.

The black cotton soaked up the venom and blood on the ground. I bent down and pressed the fabric into the ground again, flipping it over and making sure the other side was fully coated as well. Laurent's foot tapped against my heel and I kicked it over by his head, sending a smirk at his still wide and twitching eyes.

Never once had I ever been dismembered to the point that I had done to him, but that didn't mean I hadn't ever lost a limb. It burned as though a thousand bites had been placed on the area of loss before your whole body went into a search mode. The missing limb felt like acid covered it as it had no control over where it could or should go, only spastic twitching and incredible pain. Every cell felt the loss. The longer you went without, the more painful it got as your venom tried to heal what it could.

Venom continued to pour from Laurent's empty cavities where his arms, legs and head had been removed. I picked up the sweater and tossed it over a small dried shrub before toeing off my boots and kicking them into the now dwindling pool of venom. My jeans were the next to come off. I pulled the pictures, a pack of matches and the phone out of the pockets before dropping them to the soaked ground by the hole in Laurent's neck cavity. My socks and boxers would get covered enough from the clothes I covered them in. It was unnecessary to use what leaking venom and blood I had left to soak them as well. I needed to get as much on the fabric that would be covering the direct outside of my being as possibly. I needed to eradicate as much of my immediate scent as possible. There wasn't any way for me to remove all of my scent completely, but I could hide it as much as was feasible and it would give me just enough time to get inside without notifying the other two within the house of my arrival.

Knowing I was there could send them both into a panic. I couldn't afford that mistake. It could cause devastating consequences to the one inside the house that I needed to get out as quickly as I could. My plan was quite simple; I was still blind to Alice as far as I knew. There would be no incoming messages to James or Victoria from that end. When I did reach the property line of the home, I couldn't stop or slow as it could alert James' senses that I may not be who they assumed me to be. There could be no hesitation from my end.

In and out.

Divide and conquer.

I picked the boots up and watched the venom trickle down the leather in small beads, scenting them before I tossed them over into the deep red pool of blood. They had still held a lot of my scent and it aggravated me. It was taking too long for this process to work and I hadn't taken that into account. Time loss wasn't something I could afford to deal with right now.

_Failure is not an option. It is not a choice. _

The jeans were soaking well and after a couple hard stomps from my feet, they were wet completely through. I picked them up, smelling them quickly before grinning at my accomplishment. There wasn't a lick of my scent on them now; only spilt venom.

_Spilt venom... _

That was a problem for two reasons. One, the most obvious to me was that the scent wouldn't be as natural as it should. Wafting from farther away through the wind in the air gave me a slight advantage; it would smell more natural then. The closer I got, the more distinguishable the odour of freshly spilled venom would become. If James' senses were as acute to his surroundings as Laurent described them to be, I wouldn't have very much of a leash to pull on in that regard. The scent of the venom wasn't really my first worry though, just the most obvious. Venom was highly flammable. It was the most combustible solution in the world that we knew of. Being as strong, quick and perceptive as we are as vampires, our venom was our weak spot and it was something that never left my mind.

If a flame flickered to close to my skin, I jumped back. If I could feel the heat from a burning fire, I flinched. That wasn't to say the fire could hurt me if it hit against my granite skin, but if venom was _present _in the situation, we went up in flames like a dried out Christmas tree that touched a lose flicker of a candle. Venom spilled on a vampire made them a huge target. Ripping them apart wasn't even necessary. Just throw a match and watch them scatter about wildly as they tried to put out the blaze.

I bent down and rubbed my hands in the wet soil, covering them in the muddy mixture of venom, blood and dirt before rubbing it through my hair and across my face. I couldn't have been more aware of how much danger I had just put myself in then when I pulled on the venom soaked jeans and hoodie, every inch of my skin felt sticky wet and it tingled uncomfortably against my scars. The scars were always the most sensitive parts of my body. They felt things first be it cold, heat, wind, a touch, a scratch, or anything really. I couldn't suppress the shudder that racked my body as I stood for a moment in the venom and blood soaked fabric. Being saturated in another vampire's venom was an uncomfortable feeling at best. Every instinct I held within screamed at me to remove the clothes and burn them.

I didn't smell like me. My lips didn't taste like me. My skin almost started feeling like an itchy sensation was passing through it. I felt like gagging from the taste or retching from the smell. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, calming myself from the inside first and then working it towards my outside.

_Open your eyes. Open your eyes. _

More instincts pushed themselves to be known. Nothing was helping my situation at all.

"Fuck it," I hissed, snapping my eyes open and leaning down to grab the boots still wading in the small pool of congealing blood. I couldn't help but grimace at the looks of them. The material was now stained, and despite having soaked up enough to remove pretty well all of my scent, there was still a bit coming from the inside. Regardless, my boots were ruined. I couldn't have cared less about the sweater and jeans but I adored those boots. "She had better be getting me new ones for this," I grumbled before pulling them on as well.

My feet sloshed and as I made a couple quick steps to get used to the feeling of having wet socks and shoes, squishy sounds squeaked from the soles and leather of the boots. I couldn't help but groan and roll my eyes. It really wasn't the right time to be annoyed by simple things but that was just a part of my character. It wouldn't change in a day, if it ever changed at all.

Laurent's torso was starting to twitch violently again. If he had at least one arm attached, he might have been able to work his way to his decapitated head more quickly. Still, he couldn't and his time was coming to a quick end. I pushed the wet sleeves up around my elbows before grabbing the matches I had set down on the dried ground. I moved to the side, bending down, looking Laurent's wide opened eyes straight on before holding up the little pack of matches as if to tease him. Fear pulsed through his emotions and his eyes flickered back and forth between the grin on my face and the pack of matches in my hands. His eyelids continued to twitch spastically but he kept his focus well.

"I didn't guarantee your life," I explained quietly. "But I had promised you would burn. At least now you know you're free from them, if that is any solace or relief for this situation we've encountered. You made a mistake. They made an even bigger error. In all your years, there are certain _things _a vampire learns to pick up on. The most important of those lessons, you learned today; there is always someone bigger and better waiting in the wings. Be it a loss in a fight, the win of a woman, or the power of a leader. I've met my match in a woman that terrifies the very depths of my soul. Today, you lost to a vampire who has yet to really win anything of much importance."

I opened the pack of matches and ripped one off the strip, holding it far enough away from myself so that the spark wouldn't catch on the very flammable liquid covering every inch of my clothing and skin. The match struck hard against the striker strip, little flickers of embers shooting from the match head had me closing my eyes for a brief second as I held my breath, hoping I had it far enough away from my own body.

Fire would always bother me.

My eyes opened again as I felt the overwhelming terror and agony that Laurent began to feel once again. His eyes were locked on the head of the lit match and his eyelids had finally stopped twitching. "If you haven't figured it out yet, Laurent; their loss finally means my win." With those words I dropped the match. It caught the left over venom on the ground and lit up a blazed trail going in the direction of Laurent's body. He started jerking violently again, his head, arm and legless torso attempting to move away from the path of the fire. His mouth opened wider and I knew he would be screaming to the nonexistent heavens if it were possible. I had no intention of standing around and watching the show, I had to get moving.

I moved away from the fire that had quickly consumed every visible inch of Laurent and the venom soaked ground before grabbing the phone and pictures and taking off running in the direction that Laurent's scent had come from. I was still soaked and I couldn't take the risk of getting the matches, pictures or cell wet so I kept them in my dry hand in an attempt to keep the venom from ruining them. Wind snapped against the exposed skin of my face and hands, drying what venom had still been wet into a clear mask, minus the dirt, that only a vampire's nose and eyes would pick up. It created a barrier of sorts for my own scent. Just enough of a barrier to get me within the confines of the house they were using as a makeshift prison.

Laurent had given me the option of using the chimney as an entrance. That would have worked if I planned on going with that route, I didn't. To poke at the leader and prove my own knowledge of his gift, I planned on walking straight through the back door. James needed to see that he was fallible. He could be tricked. It would play serious games with his mind and put a major dent in his little plans. It was almost _too _predictable and effortless.

When I reached the edge of the mountain, I looked down and saw the houses that scattered the edges. Immediately, I spotted the one that matched the front yard that had been in the picture of the boy. I bent down and placed the two pictures and the phone on the ground, moving a rock over the papers so they wouldn't blow away with a gust of wind that could come. I'd grab it on my way back. I needed the pictures for later anyway. The phone was a liability until I was safely away again to use it. I didn't need the distraction of it possibly ringing if Peter broke down and called, thinking Charlotte still had the device.

I ran like the wind again, keeping the matches hidden within my hand and travelling down the mountain side faster than even light or sound could ever possibly move. There were only four other homes in the direct vicinity of Barson's house. They all looked deserted except for one at the very end of the street that held two expensive and imported cars in the driveway. The houses in this area were usually only used as vacation homes for the rich during their off months from their very busy lives. The file I had received from Jenks about Lee and his family had said they weren't into very many flashy things. They drove normal cars, their children went to public schools and the parents both held higher occupations in society. Though the house they lived in told the entire story of their wealth. It ranged in the several million dollars worth of real estate value. But it was private. The area was secluded and far enough away from the direct center of the city that the kids had a semblance of normalcy in their lives without having their money forefront in their friends and acquaintances eyes.

I was so close to the house that I could see the shadows behind the tapestries that covered the windows. Three heartbeats had me sighing in relief and I honed in on the three distinct sounds as I neared closer so I knew the exact location of each human life in the one room where they were secluded at the northern side of the second floor.

Water was running on the first floor, followed by a male humming a low tune while his emotions centered with boredom and aggravation. The female was humming the song along with the tune of the male but she was closer to the back entrance of the house where I was quickly closing in on.

I had hit a lucky fucking mark with James being inside the shower.

Screams that a human wouldn't hear unless they were within the confines of the house echoed into my senses and I almost stopped for a second, almost. The oldest boy was changing and his only emotions fluctuated between terror and pain. His heartbeat was a stuttering mess, but still strong despite the missed beats. He hadn't hit the peak mark yet and probably had a couple more hours to go before his change was complete. Soft sobbing from the woman meshed in behind the echo of her son's screaming, his noise almost overtaking her own. The baby whimpered and what heart I had cracked from the sound. He felt absolutely exhausted. The child felt nothing but exhaustion. I was sure he was hungry and scared, but he was too physically tired to feel anything from either.

"Please," the faint voice of the woman upstairs cried. "Please." I could hear the prayer she whispered as I reached the back lawn, and a sadistically amused chuckle sounded within.

"Laurent's back," a shrill female voice called. The water stopped running just as I twisted the back doorknob, swinging the door open and stepping inside. "What took you so long?" Victoria asked from behind the side wall of another room.

I said nothing and kicked off my shoes, needing to get the wet sounding things off.

"Laurent," she growled. "Did you bathe in the blood or what?"

Still I said nothing but heard her deep intake of breath before panic overtook her emotions. I walked forward a couple steps, listening to the male get dressed in the bathroom down the hall as the female stepped forward in line with my steps.

"James," she whispered. I couldn't help but smile. She thought he would protect her. "Something is wrong."

I stood in the hall, putting the matches in my back pocket before stopping all movement, even my breathing and crossed my arms on my chest, leaning against the wall and waiting for what would happen next. I hadn't been sure how this part of the plan would turn out. I wasn't physic but I wouldn't lose either. I just had to go with the flow and keep myself from turning into ash. It was what I did best after all. The sounds continued upstairs and I had to ignore them for the moment. They were still completely unaware of my presence in the house, though it wouldn't have made much of a difference if they realized anyway.

The bathroom door flung open and hit the wall with a hard snapping sound. "What did you just say?" James snarled.

"Something is wrong, baby, listen," Victoria explained quickly, moving her position to wherever he was.

"No sound," he stated. "Scent is his. Not his air but his venom. Too much venom. God damn it, go upstairs and get the humans."

That was something that I just couldn't allow to happen. In a flash of movement, I had moved myself from the hall to the end and went within the doorway, keeping my head bowed and a smile on my face. "I don't think that would be a wise choice," I said simply before lifting my eyes to see a red haired vampire staring at me filled with hesitation and contemplation. The blond haired male was clenched his teeth and glaring at me filled with rage and hate while gripping onto the material of the female's shirt. "You see, they really don't need to be down here for this as I'm sure they've seen enough since your arrival here."

"Who are you?" Victoria screeched.

"Jasper Hale," James informed her.

I barked out a laugh and moved one step forward. Both of their eyes darkened at my movement and they crouched lower to prepare for an attack. "Wrong, James. It's Jasper Whitlock. I assume you weren't well informed from Alice regarding myself. That's unfortunate."

At the mention of Alice's name, James emotions filled with that I could only describe as anticipation. Victoria looked as though she wanted to snarl at me for even bringing up the topic of my ex-wife and that gave me an insight of sorts between the both of them.

"My ex-wife..." I continued, feeling the jealousy pour from James and smirking outwardly at the emotion. "...is a conniving little bitch at best. What did she ask of you both?"

"Nothing," James snapped. I could almost feel him weighing his options as he stared me up and down, waiting for my attack though thinking of planning his own at the same time. His eyes flickered to Victoria as he spoke though her eyes only hardened further. "How would you like to die, Jasper?"

I smiled and stared him straight in the face again, his upper lip turning back into a snarl before he growled low at my expression. "I don't plan to, ever."

"You made a huge mistake in coming here," Victoria replied to my words. She was feeling confident and her eyebrow rose as if to challenge me. The panic she had previously felt was dissipating quickly. She assumed they could beat me. She was so wrong.

I shrugged and shifted my weight from foot to foot, taking their attention off me for a moment. "No the mistake of being here certainly wasn't made by me."

"You're not even supposed to be here," James roared at me. "She said you wouldn't come."

His words again let me know more than he would have wanted. He was making mistake after stupid mistake. He didn't even realize them. My presence had thrown him completely off guard and I was positively ecstatic about it all.

"You know of her visions then," I murmured. "You should know they are only definitive based on choices made. Over sixty years together taught me how to get around her blank spots without notifying her seeing abilities." I thought for a second and turned my complete attention on James. His fists were clenched and he was moving to his left fractions of a millimeter at a time. "Stop moving. Aren't you wondering about Laurent?"

His head snapped up and Victoria turned her gaze on him. "No, I know you killed him. He was weak anyway. Once this was done I planned to finish him." Victoria's echoing shock had me smirking again. She turned just slightly but James was by her side in an instant, grabbing her wrist roughly and turning her back to face me completely. "Do not for one second turn your back to him."

"So you know some things about me."

Victoria stared blankly at James who had his eyes trained on me. "Are you ready, Vic?"

"Don't bother," I mused. "I'm not done talking yet."

"I know nothing," Victoria whispered, her eyes looking straight at me and I heard the snapping of James teeth grinding together again.

"Shut the fuck up, Vic," he hissed into her ear.

There was absolutely no protective manner in his stance. He didn't love her. Not an inch of his being loved or even cared about the woman standing beside him who was feeling an underlying betrayal mixed with love and fear. He knew he couldn't beat me alone and the only reason he wanted her near was for his first route of escape. His emotions were centering on his own protection and fight while Victoria stood at his side still staring at me waiting for a response.

Victoria was conflicted, angry and confused. She felt the urge to obey him, yet she wanted to question him at the same time. Her body was positioned toward his but the slight turn of her head said she wanted to put distance between them.

"Laurent knew nothing also," I told her. "Nothing of great importance other than what worked for me to get through to here. You see, the child upstairs is being held hostage for a life in Washington. Not that the semantics of the situation is important but the life in Washington belongs to my mate."

"A human," James spat at me.

I ignored him as Victoria turned to look at James confused. "I thought this family owed Alice and Edward something?"

"Shut up," he repeated to her.

"No, nothing," I smiled sadly. "They are just using the child's life to control my mate's actions. Which is why I am here," I said in a happier tone, making James turn his icy glare on me.

"Why are we here?" Victoria asked James quietly. "You said nothing about a girl in Washington. Nothing about this vampire. James…"

He growled loudly at her to shut her up and she did, her head snapping farther away from his immediate presence. "Go upstairs and kill the woman and child, now," he ordered her.

I could feel her hesitation and she shot me a confused look before taking off at a run through the other side of the kitchen. She wasn't fast enough and as James took a lunge at me, I dodged to the left easily, crashing into the white granite counter and cracking it along the whole top. He didn't even have enough time to charge back at me before I had dashed out of the room, right on the female's heels. Just as she leaped over the banister of the staircase, I grabbed her ankle and slammed her down to the ground beside my feet, pulling every ounce of fear and confusion I could from my emotional streams and pulsing it into her body.

Victoria shook at my feet and her hand reached up and clawed at my pant leg while gargled sounds left her throat. I grabbed onto her wrist pulling her upward to her knees, the skin to skin contact making the effects of my gift even stronger within her own body. James stood in the doorway, looking at me and the woman I held at my feet.

"I said I wasn't done speaking yet," I snarled, keeping the emotions flowing from me to Victoria. "Why isn't he helping you?" I asked her.

She said nothing but James made another dodge attack at me though I dropped down to my knees, releasing the grip I held on Victoria's wrist to grab her around her wrist and throw her in the direction of James. He hadn't expected me to use her as a shield of sorts and she slammed hard into his chest, dropping them both to the floor before he snarled in disbelief and kicked her off him. She rose with him as well, gaining her bearings and looking at him even more confused.

"James?" More confusion and emotional agony ripped through her very soul as she looked at him while he looked at me, crouched low, and eyes black; ready to attack again.

"Shut the fuck up, Victoria," he ordered again.

Provocation was my best defense. "He doesn't love you," I told her. "He never has and never will. That must be heartbreaking for you to realize."

"He does," she screamed.

His lips twitched into a smirk as he realized what I was getting at but he said nothing.

"Oh but he doesn't." I turned to James again, sitting down on the step but still bracing every inch of myself for his attack. "Tell me about Alice. Things I don't know."

"There is nothing to tell, she is an old friend," Victoria cried. "Right James?"

"Woman, shut your stupid mouth," he ground out. She whimpered and snapped back before he turned to me and started speaking. "I found her first. That stupid human facility was torturing her for being what she was. Then the other vampire, he tried to claim her for himself. I refused to allow that to happen. She was the most delicious scented human I had ever found. I didn't want her blood. I just wanted her."

"Except he removed her from the asylum, changed her and just left her there?" I asked.

"No, I killed him."

"Why did you just leave her there then?"

His eyes flickered to Victoria but he was beyond caring about the whimpering mess that she had turned into. "I'd never seen anyone change like she had before. Her screams were so loud I thought for sure someone would find us."

"That doesn't even make sense," I snarled. "She woke up alone."

"She screamed through her whole change about her future life. She talked about everything that would happen. She terrified me. I had to go. She was crazy! Insane!"

"She still is and yet, you _still love her_." I laughed.

"No!" Victoria shrieked. "He loves me."

I ignored her though she was looking back and forth in a wild fashion at both of us. "You used Victoria for years. She was practical and pivotal for all those little games you enjoy so much. After this, what did Alice promise you, James? Her love? Her life?" He said nothing, only watched Victoria carefully from the corner of his eye, waiting on her attack. "If she would have wanted you, James, she wouldn't have spent sixty five years with me as my wife."

Rage filled every cell of his body before he finally turned to me and roared in anger. "You have no idea what you are talking about. She's come to me before. She's played my games with me. She can't run from me and she knows it. She just wanted to be sure of her safety before we could move forward together."

I laughed bitterly. He once again had given me more information that he should have. "You idiot. You stupid, ridiculous moron. If she wanted you, she'd have had you. She didn't want you. She used us for protection. Alice used _me _as protection. Let me guess, she told you about how lethal I am, didn't she? She warned you? Why wouldn't she leave me then? It wasn't because she was scared. I gave her the option of divorce twenty seven times in sixty five years and she said _no every fuckin' time._"

"Liar," he rumbled through a growl filled with loathing and fury.

I decided to antagonize the female a bit more and it was all she needed. "He doesn't love you, Victoria. He loves Alice."

She screamed and the sound rung through my eardrums, making me wince before she pounced at James, tackling him against his side and taking him straight to the ground. I moved myself backward as he tried to kick her off him again to no avail. I heard the ripping sound of granite flesh as she bit hard into his shoulder blade, weakening the joint but not removing it completely.

His roar of pain had her flinching in response, such a stupid mistake on her part as he finally got the upper hand and I stopped my movements, needing to brace myself for them again in case of another attack. I couldn't let them get upstairs. That would put them too close to my mate's son and that was not a possibility in my mind at all. Suddenly James had his legs wrapped around Victoria's waist as he flipped them both over and wrapped his right arm around her neck, pulling her head roughly to the side and nearing her neck with his teeth. She stared at me, her emotions pleading and terrified.

I only shook my head. She deserved what she got. And how righteous of justice could it be that the lover she thought had been her mate and eternity for so long would be the one to deliver the truth and death to her all in one quick burst of pain. She had earned every single bit of it all.

"James…please," she begged quietly. "You know how much I love you."

That sardonic laugh returned and she shook in his grasp. "Yet I never loved you."

"Please," she repeated. "Please don't do this to us."

"Vic, shut up. There is no _us_. I can't believe you let this bullshit go on for as long as you did. You were so weak and stupid. All you wanted was for someone to show you any sort of affection. It could have been Laurent or a human for Christ's sake and you would have assumed it as love. All you did was benefit me. Now you hinder me so I'll finish this for us both."

Her mouth opened to speak but she didn't have time before his teeth ripped into her neck and her head tumbled to the ground with a thud as red waves of curls covered the empty hole in the torso James released to the ground.

"So fucking unfortunate," he muttered to himself. "Though Vic never would have approved of Alice and me. She'd have needed to go eventually. You just sped up that process."

I said nothing, only stared at the venom that saturated his hands and mouth while pouring to the ground around the area of red curls. _So much venom…_The neckline of his shirt was covered as well, not to mention the amount trickling from beneath the rip in his shirt on his shoulder. I was nearly at the top of the stairs though when he started moving toward me again, I pounced off the steps, not wanting to risk him getting onto the next landing. It had been a stupid move on my part but I knew it. Still, I needed to get the area covered with as much of the fresh venom as I could before I ended this whole thing.

He sprung right back at me and we both collided like thunder, falling to the steps and crashing straight through the expensive flooring and onto the hidden area underneath. Snarls, hisses and growls erupted from us both as his fist made a hard connect to my jaw. The force of the blow sent me stumbling straight through the weakened side wall and he came out right after me, jumping at me again though I rolled to the right and let him slam to the floor.

Venom was pouring profusely from the decapitated body of the female. I crouched low, ripping the still wet hoodie from my body and tossing it into the opening of the kitchen area we had once come from. I needed venom in that area too. Thick pools of venom were trickling across the floor and the rip in James shirt had become wider from our fall through the floor.

"I am at least three hundred years older than you," he mocked. "I have fought much better fighters than you are."

I smirked and stood up from my crouch. If that was the game he wanted to play, then it could be done as well. "I doubt that, James. You see, Alice didn't make a mistake and I'm just starting to see that now. She didn't want you. She needed protection _from you. _Who better to attach yourself to than the one who has never lost? Alice did not go into this blindly. She wanted _you dead."_

The bite on his shoulder was beginning to heal though two large streams of venom continued to pool down onto the material of his shirt. I had no fresh venom from wounds, only the jeans that were soaked from my last two kills.

"You're going to lose, and she knew it," I taunted.

He was in complete denial. His emotions fluctuated back and forth between confidence, eagerness and contemplation. James wasn't even scared of me. That was such a huge error on his part.

At my words, he charged me again and I dodged the attack, crouching low beside the large circle of venom that had pooled around Victoria's dismembered body. Her twitching had begun. She was still alive like Laurent had been and the pain she was feeling was near overwhelming. I pulled it in, taking as much as I could physically handle before centering it straight at the vampire who was charging me again. Once the stream hit him, he dropped in the air, slamming into the floor boards with such force that they buckled from the pressure.

Like I wanted, he landed in the venom, covering himself completely and splashing the walls and floor around us both with the flammable substance. I reigned in the agonizing emotions and sprung at him, knowing I would become covered in the fresh venom as well. He didn't have enough time to react as I hit him directly against his chest, skidding us both across the floor and leaving even more wet trails.

He kicked and clawed against me, teeth snapping a bit close to my neck for comfort though my grip around his neck was far too much for him to break through. I bent my head down just as his back slammed into the wall and bit hard onto the shoulder where Victoria had previously bitten. The venom saturated my mouth as I opened the fresh wound farther, jerking my head quick to the side roughly and pulling the arm from the socket.

His scream echoed through the house and the woman and infant upstairs both scurried across the floor, terror filling the mother as she cooed a shaky lullaby to the baby in an attempt to calm him down. James roared again, his one arm pushing against me as though he could remove me from his body. I held him there, letting as much of his venom leak from the large, opened cavity in his body.

"You're too weak. You're losing too much venom," I explained as he continued to weakly struggle against my grip before his teeth sunk into my jaw.

I hissed as his teeth retracted from my granite skin, tearing it slightly but I could feel the near immediate effect of the burn from both our venom as the skin started fusing itself back together.

_He knows he's lost. _"A parting gift."

I released him and stood up as he slumped against the wall, grabbing the profusely leaking hole in his side before attempting to stand as well. I delivered a hard kick to his jaw, snapping his head to the side and making a large hole in the wall again as cracks formed along the line of his jaw bone from my hit. He groaned and I pulled the matches from my pocket.

He hadn't seen them yet. The room was soaked with venom and I would have maybe fifteen minutes to remove myself from the house before it went crashing down in a burning mess. There was no way for him to survive what I had planned from the moment I walked into the house. I didn't need my physical strength to win a fight completely. My gift and my brain worked logistics of situations and then my strength would come into play as it needed. I hadn't been a gifted fighter because I held physicality that couldn't be matched, no; I was a gifted fighter because I was the smartest tactical planner that derived the best outcomes for me and me alone.

Muscle meant nothing if you didn't have the aptitude to make it all work together without defects in the arrangements. Failure was not who I was.

The striker strip on the match pack was wet though the matches within were still dried. James was attempting to stand from his position again, seeing the match book in my hands, the realization sunk home again. I couldn't make the match work against the striker. I stared at it for a second and then rubbed my arm on the only dry piece of t-shirt I had left. I had seen it done before and as long as the fumes and flame didn't catch on any venom I had on me, I would be safe.

Still, I fucking_ hated _fire.

"Can't make it work?" he growled, getting to his knees and moving into a standing position again.

I stepped back a foot and looked up at the staircase landing. I needed to jump up as it was the only dry, safe place in that moment. "No, I can make it work," I smirked before turning and jumping over the hole we had created and grabbing at the weakened railing, keeping my balance centered between the steps, the wall and the railing.

My free hand that was doing a juggling act between the match book and the match opened the match book. I let the match tumble to the ground beneath me and James watched confused. He was in too much pain to make the jump at me, though he thought I was in a bad position with wet matches.

I closed my eyes and hit the fifteen matches that were still inside the pack against my arm, feeling the heat against my skin as they lit and I grinned. Quickly, I pulled the matches far away from my body, knowing I wasn't on fire and that I needed to keep the damn things far away from my clothes and my hair.

"Ashes, ashes…we all fall down," I murmured near crazed to James, staring straight into his wide eyes before dropping the matches and propelling my body backward at the same time.

His screams echoed again but I was already pushing myself up the rest of the stairs and away from the red hot heat that was scorching against the heels of my socks. Too hot. It felt too damn hot against my clothing.

_Why do they need so many fucking stairs in this place? _

He couldn't get out of it. There was no way. The room would already be completely engulfed and I was sure he had become engulfed right along with it. The woman in the back bedroom was still humming the tune to the infant and the older boy whose heart was still racing continued his whimpers and moans of pain. His heart had started to speed up a bit but he still had a while to go yet.

I stumbled against the wall, terrified of the reality that I had to get away from the flames below as quickly as possible. The heat from the inferno below was seeping into the floorboards and warming my feet. I could smell the scents of everything burning, including the scents of burning vampire venom and flesh. James was still roaring in pain and I heard a crash as he plowed through a wall and hit a support beam within it. The left wall closer to the staircase cracked and shuddered just slightly as I pushed the door open to the bedroom, meeting the frightened gaze of the woman rocking the wide awake, whimpering infant in her arms. He was still exhausted, just physically exhausted and I helped him to fall asleep by pushing small amounts of lethargy in his direction until his little eyelids fluttered closed.

"Please, don't hurt me," she whimpered.

"Give me the baby," I snarled. "Right now, I don't have time." The scent of fresh blood drew my attention again and I noticed the large gash along her leg. "What happened?"

"He hi-it me," she stuttered. "I fell, again-nst the stand and the lamp broke. The glass cut my leg."

"Do you know what I am?"

"Vampire," her now terrified voice answered.

I slumped to the floor, sitting my ass down hard against the wood and trying to ignore all my instinctive responses to get away from the fire as soon as I possibly could. "We have laws… rules if you will. Humans can't know of our existence. This whole thing was because of that baby in your arms yet all the danger he has put me in, and my mate in… I haven't once considered killing the child. I couldn't if I tried."

"Okay," she mumbled against the fleecy blanket covering the child.

The boy whimpering in the corner with his eyes squeezed shut and fingers ripping through the fabric of his shirt had me grimacing in remembrance of my own change and the pain I had felt.

"Do you know what they have done to him?" I asked her softly. She said nothing but understanding passed through her emotions before sadness took over. I was positive in some motherly intuitive way, she just knew. I decided to explain it a bit farther. "They bit him, hm? The venom we have in our system gets transferred into his bloodstream. It travels through every inch of the skin, every vein in the body, every cell in his being. The venom burns it all dry, taking hold and changing the DNA structure within, turning the human into the immortal vampire we will be. Have you noticed the changes?"

"Some," was her reply.

I nodded and moved a little closer to her area. She shrunk back from me and held the infant closer to her chest. "His skin hardens to granite. His speed, strength, and senses heighten beyond anything imaginable. But the thirst… the thirst is overwhelming. It's terrible," I shuddered at the memory.

That caught her attention. "Thirst?"

"Blood, Ann. He won't just wake up with immaculate control. In fact, he'll be virtually uncontrollable. They planned on his first meal being you and his nephew," I said with a shake of my head in her direction.

"How did you know that?"

"Hm, what?" I asked in response, still trying to ignore the flames below that were licking the floorboards to an ever hotter temperature.

"The baby, how did you know?"

"Isabella is my mate. You weren't randomly chosen, Ann. None of this was random."

After thirty seconds of silence, minus the whimpering from the older boy in the corner, the woman finally spoke again. "Are you going to kill me?"

"Yes," I replied simply and immediately. "But I wouldn't fear death. Not from me. I killed your husband to take away his pain and he didn't feel a thing; nothing but peace and serenity, ma'am."

"Please," she begged again.

I turned my head upward to look at her once again. "Don't bother begging, it's of no use. You haven't a choice in the matter and I don't have time to quarrel. I need to remove every inch of you from this place so the officials find nothing, just ash and embers."

"My son," she whispered, looking towards her boy in the corner.

I couldn't help but follow her gaze. "That, ma'am, is your choice."

Confusion overtook her emotions. "I don't understand."

"I didn't think you would. His heart has yet to stop beating. I can break his neck now and the venom won't have time to heal before the fire overtakes his body and kills him," I enlightened her quickly.

"And the other choice?"

I looked at her and stated the words as simply put as I could. "I move him. He wakes up feeling utterly alone, scared, and thirsty as shit. He'll hunt and his first kill could be a mother like you, a baby like Lysen or a rapist out from prison. He'll be crazed, violent and out of control for his first year, maybe a bit longer. Some call us demons without souls. I've heard others call us gods because of our food chain placement. I have no opinion as I have led two different lives as a vampire and neither was enjoyable to me."

"Tell me something good about it, everything you said was bad," she muttered.

"Nothing about this is good," I lied.

"Mister, you can't lie to me."

I nodded in her direction but didn't meet her eyes as I spoke. What I had to say was something I hadn't said to anyone before and I didn't want to appear weakened by my new standing in life.

"Immortality is incredible and never once had I cared about having it before now. You see things different, change is near impossible but you find yourself learning new things with every passing decade and if change does occur, it's _profound _in its effect. Everything is clear, beautiful. There's an extra color to the rainbow, Ann, one no scientist has ever seen before. Music tingles through your fingertips, and the beats flow through your dead heart. Physicality is astounding, the speed, the scents, the lights. Everything is so much _different and beautiful."_

"And love?" she asked softly. "What about love."

I grinned against my arm. "Vampire love, or mating if you will, is _unexplainable, _even unattainable for some. It consumes every fiber of your being. The sensation of just knowing that your center axis, your home is touching on every part of your mind is such an incredible feeling to experience. It's unbreakable, undeniable and mostly it's eternal. There is nothing one wouldn't do for the other. Death to one's self to save the other is not even a question if needed. I see her, taste her, touch her, feel her, and hear her without even needing to be close to her but it kills me to be away."

"Bella?"

_Bella. It was never a new development, just something she changed as she needed. The facade of denial wasn't only my own._

"Absolutely."

"He called her Isabella?"

She looked at me, almost looking through me as if she knew what I was asking. "He just saw _her_, if you can understand."

I could. I had. I did. "Me too." The statement came out too low for her ears.

"My son adored that girl," she told me quietly.

I smiled up at her. "So I've heard. She feels the same way."

Ann looked down at the blanket-covered infant who was still currently sleeping. "Had she have been okay, Mister, I would have given her him without a second thought. Her mother begged us to take the baby and put her in an institution so she could heal from her insanity. I didn't think she was insane, but Renee…"

"Forced the issue," I finished.

"Yes. We had the money, and I couldn't bear to think of giving the child away. He was my son's last gift to us all."

I sighed and leaned back against the wall. "And if Isabella had come back when she was twenty and just asked for her child back?" I asked in response. "Please don't lie to me, Ann. I will feel the lie. Trust me on that."

Her shoulders squared at my words. "I would have asked for her to stay with us, to help us raise him here. But had she insisted on taking him with her, I would have let him go. I didn't force the child from her arms. I didn't rip him from her womb. Her mother did that and Bella never came calling."

"She couldn't bear the pain." I filled in the blanks one by one. It was all starting to make perfect sense.

The cracking of wood had me jumping from my position. The house was starting to give way and I knew officials would be here soon. "Make your choice, Ann, for your son, but your life is already lost to this war."

Shakily, she stood up and placed the sleeping baby boy on the bed, covering his face with the edge of the blanket and shrugging at me as I looked at her confused by her actions. "I wouldn't want him to wake up and watch his step-father kill his grandmother."

_Step-father… _

"We're not married, ma'am."

She smiled sadly. "Eternity is a long time to go without asking a woman for her hand. You will be, eventually. Can I ask you one more question?"

"Quickly."

"If you were given the choice again, would you rather have died than become this?"

I turned to look at her again though I had to think my words out. "Every day of my existence up until the day I finally came to the realization of whom my mate was, I wished Maria had drained me dry. I hated myself and those around me. I hated human life and vampire life in an equal standing. Then there she was and it _changed. _Nothing but her matters any longer. For the first time I wanted a quiet peace. I wanted days where I lay in the sun with her in my arms and perfect serenity. I wanted music to play. I wanted to dance with her in the rain and swim in the ocean beneath the stars. I just want peace."

"You've never had peace before?"

I smirked and shrugged. "None that was worth holding onto."

"And this love you talk about, would he ever find it?" she asked while nodding towards her sweaty, groaning son lying huddled in the corner.

"It could take days, it could take years or it could take centuries. There is no time line. But now I know there is someone for everyone regardless of who you are or have been; you just need to _survive _long enough to obtain it."

Fire licked the floors hotter again and I felt a slight shift within the house.

"Make your choice," I pressed.

"Save him, please. I'll make a bag for Lysen."

"Thank you, for not trying to fight me on this," I whispered at the wall.

"You said it yourself, Mister, I have no choice except the life for my son."

"Jasper, ma'am. My name is Jasper."

She crossed the floor and opened the bedroom door, disappearing through the doorway as I grabbed the heap of changing human on the floor. I shot a glace back at the baby on the bed before sending him a major wave of lethargy to make sure he would continue to sleep and then jumping straight through the large windows at the back wall and hitting the ground running at a speed too fast for any human to see.

I could hear sirens from trucks and ambulances on their way to save the home and family within. They were far too late.

Thirty seconds later and I dropped the boy to the ground in some brush, hidden enough from the view of any possible helicopters or humans that might be wandering the quiet mountain side. I shot back to the house like an unseen bullet, gauging my speed and force before I sprung upward and jumped straight through the window I had broken.

Flames were starting to engulf the hallway. I could smell them getting closer. Ann was huddled against the bed, a bag in her one hand while she held Lysen, still sleeping with the other.

"The air, it fed the flames. Here," she tossed a book bag toward me and then held Lysen out as well. "The bag has diapers, food, and some clothes. I think a few other random things he might like. It's just a bag we use for everyday trips. He'll need other things."

"It'll be taken care of."

"Take him," she muttered, staring at the opened door as if waiting for the flames to come in and overwhelm her completely.

In a way she knew that by asking me to give her son a chance, the time I had spent removing him from the area was the time I would have been able to use for her death. She choose to burn for her son to live.

I grabbed the infant just as the floor started giving way. I hadn't wanted her to suffer, I had wanted to give her a quick end as I had her husband but that was not to be the case. The house was shuddering and losing its supported foundation beneath. I tucked Lysen within my grasp and grabbed the book bag before turning to the opened window again.

"It won't be too terrible or drawn out," I tried to explain, wanting to give her some type of comfort. "The smoke will fill your lungs. The fall will knock you out."

"Jasper, I've barely lived since my son died. I've just existed. I want to be with my family again. Tell Ethan we loved him, we _all _loved him."

"I'm sorry, Ann," I whispered too low for her to hear and jumped, hearing her scream as the floorboards cracked and buckled into the blaze below.

Again, I hit the ground running, not even bothering to look back or stop at the spot where I had left the human body changing, I had enough time to get back and send Char in my place before he woke up anyway. I did grab the pictures and phone though, I needed them. I didn't have time and the rescue officials were already pulling in the driveway as I rounded the top of the mountain. I continued running, never slowing and never second guessing my routes. I made it back to my previous position where I had left Charlotte in record time. Lysen hadn't even woken up during the run. In fact, he started snoring, though every time I looked down at his little face snuggled into my chest, I saw the blonde curls, the porcelain smooth skin and Isabella's features.

He could have been my son.

He could have passed as it had I have known how to keep him closer for her. I couldn't risk it though, I had already risked enough just to do this one thing for her. My heart cracked a little more but it didn't make a single difference.

Charlotte was already there waiting for me, her eyes zeroed in on the little sleeping infant in my arms. She poked her head closer and removed the blanket tucked around his cheeks.

_At least she isn't saying, 'I told you so'. _

"He could pass for your own son," she said too low to wake the child, repeating my very thoughts from earlier back to me.

"I know."

_That very thought hurts my soul. _

"You can't keep him, huh?"

"Too dangerous," I replied simply, looking down at the baby one last time before explaining the situation back in Arizona. "I need you to run back and be there when he wakes up, Char. I want him brought back to the cabin. Can you do it?"

She nodded hesitantly. "Peter is going to be angry."

I shrugged. "Peter can bite my left nut for Christmas. He'll get over it."

"The family is waiting for you; she didn't bother reading the letter while I was in the home. They were very nervous about my being there. Apparently Emmett has made it very clear that they are to trust no other vampires but him. Once she read the letter, she requested for me to come back inside. What did you say in the letter, Jas?" Charlotte asked at the end.

"That Emmett was going to die, and his last wish was for them to be safe. I explained about the child, and gave Elizabeth ten hours to prepare for their move from the current state they are in. Do you have your black card?" Charlotte nodded and pulled out her tiny wallet she kept in her back pocket at all times. She handed the card over to me. "I'll have you a new one within the month."

"I know you will, Jas."

"I'll see you soon," I murmured, bending down to kiss her cheek before she was off like light and I moved in the opposite direction from her departure.

The trail was easy to follow. I traveled the route Charlotte had taken, weaving through darkened towns without making a single stop. It seemed like everything was taking too long. It felt like I didn't have enough time to make this work. I wanted to roar at the sky and shatter trees because of how I felt, yet I continued to push on. In reality, I was making perfect time. If the pack had managed to get the four hour meeting in, I still had another hour of blank time to go. Before long, I passed straight into the town of Eagle, keeping to Charlotte's trail until I came to a beautiful property of about ten acres that held two separate houses within.

Emmett had requested that both his grandchildren live close together in case they ever needed to be moved immediately it wouldn't take separate days to do so. Being within the confines on one property just made it easier for him to keep track of them as well and I was sure the brother and sister didn't mind being close for the sake of their grandfather.

Elizabeth sat out on her porch, rocking back and forth on a hammock type swing and drinking a cup of coffee as I approached the front steps, finally slowing in my movements enough for her gaze to settle on me.

"Pap always talked about you and Rose, you could say you were his favorites," she murmured against the rim of her cup.

"He's something else too," I replied quietly.

"Come up off the ground, Jasper. Bring that baby up here and let me look at him. He must be freezing," she grumbled. "Do you know how damn tired I am right now? Did this all have to be done at the dead of God damned night?"

Despite the aggravation she was physically showing, her emotions were centering on excitement over the child in my arms. Occasionally her eyes would drift off and fear would replace her emotions but the woman was determined and strong willed. I was sure I wouldn't have been able to find someone better for the task than Elizabeth.

I chuckled as she fussed over the blankets, bringing out the sleeping infants fingers and warming them with her own. "This bag doesn't have nearly what he will need. But there is a black card in it. It is not registered to anyone and there is no limit. Use it as you wish and as you need. It will help to get you moving."

"I can't use Pap's money from his accounts now, hm?"

"No, it won't be safe in a month," I explained. "This card is and always will be. Run, don't take much, and just go. I will find you in a short while. I will bring you everything you need to have to start over again. Including a new identity for Lysen, it will be invisible and untraceable from my kind. They will have no idea who you are."

"Lysen? You're keeping his name."

"Yes, for the sake of his mother and father I think it appropriate."

She smiled softly, taking the little boy from my arms and twirling a couple soft blond curls around her finger. "It's been so long since we had a baby in the houses. He is something else though, looks a lot like you."

That was the second time I had heard that statement and it still stung just as bad as it had the first time. "You have four hours left, Elizabeth. You need to move."

She nodded sadly before taking a long look around her property. "Will you tell him we love him?"

I knew she was taking about Emmett and I smiled. "Absolutely. Here," I passed her the two pictures I had stored in my now dried pockets. "This is his only reminders of the life he once had. He will never see us again. Not after today."

"Anything you want me to tell him when he's old enough?"

"That she adored his very soul. She loved him from the start and did the very best she thought possible because she hadn't a choice. I know you'll love him, and I'll always be watching so you will be safe."

A little smirk appeared on her face, the same dimples Emmett had showed up as well. "He always said you were the scariest motherfucker he ever met."

"Yes, ma'am." It was all I could think to say in response to that statement.

She looked me up and down for a moment and shook her head. "You're full of mud, Jasper."

I grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "You wouldn't by chance have a pair of jeans and a shirt, Maybe shoes?"

"Waist size? Shoe size?" She asked with a laugh, looking down at my ruined socks.

"Thirty-four. Twelve."

"Give me a minute."

I held my hand out for her to wait a moment and she did. For a quick second, I stared down at the baby in her arms before leaning down and giving him a quick kiss on the forehead. He smelled like his mother in a way but had his own unique minty smell as well mixed in. The warmth of his smooth skin spread across my cheek as I turned my head and smiled.

Elizabeth left without saying another word. When she came back, Lysen was gone from her grasp and had been replaced with dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt and sneakers. "You don't seem the type for sneakers but it's all I can do."

I shrugged and took them from her. "Thank you, Elizabeth, for everything."

A tiny cry came from within the house and her blue eyes lit up with happiness as the elated emotions broke forth as well. "No, Jasper, thank you."

….

I had changed from my ruined clothes into the clean ones. Everything fit perfect and it was comfortable no less. I was just grateful though the mud, blood and venom on my hands were a huge problem. Showing up at the Cullen's covered in such substances wasn't exactly the best idea but it was sure to make a point. Regardless, I didn't have time to stop and clean up. I needed to be back with my mate and fucking soon.

Charlotte wouldn't be joining me so I didn't bother calling Peter until I hit the Washington border.

"Char?"

"No, Jasper," I replied. "I just passed the border. I'm maybe a five minute run away."

"Where is Char?" he asked immediately, fear saturating his tone.

"Perfectly safe and fine, probably back at the cabin by now. Trust me Peter," I growled.

"Fine. You should see the tizzy they are in," he stated gleefully. I could almost feel it over the phone. "Except Bella, she's almost excited. No wonder you mated with her. Spitfire, Jas. Seriously."

I chuckled. "I know. They are staying away from her then?"

"Yeah. 'Cause she sticks to my side like white on rice."

"I wouldn't have it any other way while I'm not there," I sighed.

"I know."

The phone disconnected on his end without another word and rain started falling almost immediately afterward. It soaked me as I ran but didn't wash away the dried blood, dirt and venom in my hair and streaked across my face and hands. I still wasn't sure how Elizabeth had looked me in the face without running screaming.

_She's a tough woman, just like her Grandfather…_

I could smell the family I was that close to the house. Their scents were weaved through the woods as we had used the area as hunting grounds and travel grounds so often. Edward was growling aggravated and stressed to Alice who was humming in agreement to whatever he was saying.

I broke through the tree line just as Peter and Isabella walked through the back door, followed closely behind by the rest of the Cullens as well. Edward and Alice had already been outside at the other end of the backyard, staring at me with expressions I could fully decipher, though the only face and emotions I had been focusing on enough to care about was my mate's across the way.

She stared up at Peter for a moment before speaking. "When I hear it beating through, all is safe?" she asked.

He nodded. "Woman, that is your mate, what are you gonna do about it now?" I didn't bother responding to the resounding shock from most of the people around us.

She smiled and I felt it caress every inch of my skin as her happiness was overtaken by gratitude. Her footsteps started in my direction and I followed suite, matching her step for step until I had her entire body wrapped in my embrace. My lips found her jaw kissing a quick trail against her hot skin until I found her lips with mine and fire burned from the sensations within the simple rhythm we managed to hold together.

_Perfect. She's your perfect fit. _

"Thank you," she mumbled against my cold lips.

"Don't thank me. Do _not thank me, _please," I muttered.

Her fingers tangled in my dirty curls as she took in the blood and mud that soaked the curls. "I don't really _care _about details."

I finally met her eyes and she stared back into the red orbs that she had yet to fully see. "This," I said huskily while pointing at my eyes, "is not going to change. Can you handle that?"

Really, I already knew her answer. She was my _mate _after all; my second half, the perfect fit. There was nothing either of us would want more than the other to be who they were as much as they needed to be. She was mine, and me hers. Her future choices and diet would reflect mine because _together _felt so much more right than a difference of opinion. And if her diet didn't reflect mine, that was fine too, considering I knew she wouldn't push me to change or force something that _just wasn't me _because that _wouldn't be her. _

I felt the shrug before her fingers trailed a wet line from my curls down my cheek and straight under my right eye, a bloody pink trail following behind where she had trailed the path. "This I can handle. I don't think I would want you to hide behind lies like they do." Her fingers trailed down again and brushed against the now healed bite James had left me with. I knew she could feel it just slightly, it was still a fresh enough scar but she said nothing anyway.

"Good," I smiled, half because of her words and the other half from the emotional reactions everyone around us had been giving off at our display.

Then I felt it consume her every fiber, a love so strong most humans could only dream of feeling it within their souls. "I do, you know."

"I love you too, though that word isn't close to describing what goes on within my body when I think about you, Sugar."

She pressed herself against me and I wrapped my arms around her shoulders before eyeing Edward and Alice from across the lawn. Again, the rest didn't matter but I still had issues to attend to. I felt Isabella turn in my arms and she looked over at Edward and Alice as well, anger overtaking her entire body and she shuddered from the strong emotion.

"He is safe," she stated to me.

"Always will be."

"They played a game." It came out as another statement, no question intended.

And of course, she was right. They had played a game, though I now knew Edward's involvement and Alice's had been two very different situations. Their entire lives had revolved around the games they could play, the enjoyment they could receive and the benefits they could gain.

James had been a game, his games were games. Edward's humans were a game and the family was still a game. School was a game, hunting was a game, hiding secrets was a game and manipulating others was a game. In all those games they had played, neither had ever lost _once. _But, like Laurent, James and Victoria... Edward and Alice had finally met someone they couldn't match and they _lost _because of it. Well, they had each lost something in their own way at least.

"Yes."

Her eyes lifted again and I felt her shoulders as they rose against my chest as she stood tall and looked directly at the two who had caused this entire mess. Her three words rocked the entire foundation more than anything I would ever say could.

"You both lose."


	17. Chapter 17

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus the one's I have created for my plot, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 17: Chapter 17**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03. **

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**Bella POV**

Edward had managed to get exactly what he wanted. Jasper was gone. The rest of his family barely talked to me let alone bothered with me considering I was nothing more than a chunk of flesh that sat on the couch and spoke when spoken to. My responses were programmed and usually the same thing again and again.

_Yes Esme, I'm hungry. _

_No thanks Emmett, I'm not in the mood to play X-Box. _

_Yes, Rose, I'm such a stupid, lazy human. _

_No Carlisle, college hasn't even crossed my mind. _

_Yes Alice, please make me over once again. _

_Yes Edward, whatever pleases you Edward. _

Pre-programmed responses. Exactly what they wanted to hear. Not what some others had wanted to see. I felt like a robot doing exactly what it had been taught to do while the scientists who had made me that way and expected the proper results sat back and watched. I ate what was prepared without complaint. I moved in the directions they went because, heaven forbid I sit beside someone who might want to talk to me.

I knew it was starting to bother the others but no one said anything. The excuses that Edward and Alice managed to give for my behaviour was exceptional after all. Who wouldn't believe the two best liars and manipulators I had ever seen? It was what they did best.

_'She's just now realizing how much she is leaving behind for this life, it's taking a toll.'_

_'Bella's worried about the Volturi and how they will perceive her. She doesn't want to offend them by saying no if they ask her to join and she worries that by offending them, it could cause negative consequences to our family.'_

_'She blames herself for Jasper leaving. She doesn't understand why he left so abruptly. I never explained it completely.' _

The last excuse actually was a complete lie. I didn't blame myself for Jasper leaving. Both Edward and Alice all out refused to explain to me why Jas had in fact, been asked to leave the family for a while. I didn't even bother to ask Alice or Edward after the first time I had. Not only would they have probably just ignored me again and again, Edward had already specifically stated he didn't want me talking about Jasper in his presence. It was another one of those things that angered him beyond comprehensibility. It wasn't exactly a safe situation for me to be in. I chose not to ask.

But it had been easy for me to figure out.

Carlisle went about covering bases at the school, making the necessary calls for Jasper's departure from Washington. Rumours ran rampant like wild fire about the school and with Jas being gone, it left me bare for the wolves once again. It wasn't like I could depend on Alice or Edward to defend me against the other students and I was pretty sure they found some sick enjoyment out of the whole thing, though I managed to either fend for myself pretty decently, or just ignored them outright.

Esme sulked about the house for a bit, though I was positive it was all for show. She needed to keep up the appearance of the protective, overly caring, doting Mother. Jasper would have gagged at the sight I was sure.

Rosalie didn't act much different than she had when Jasper was here except she watched me more and more now. Her eyes trained on me whenever I spoke, almost like she was dissecting my words in her mind so she could receive whatever answers she thought applied to my situation. Never once did she speak out loud to Edward or Alice but the looks Edward gave Rosalie, mixed with the separation that seemed to take place between the two _sisters, _suddenly made a lot more sense.

Even though Edward, Alice, Carlisle and Esme wouldn't out right say what had happened with Jasper that warranted his sudden leave, Emmett and Rosalie weren't so closed off. It wasn't as if they openly talked about it, but much to the chagrin of the rest of the family, they watched the news constantly, replaying the same broadcasts over and over about a woman who had supposedly gotten into an accident somewhere between here and Seattle.

From what I gathered, she had hit a deer with her car and suffered major injuries in the accident, losing nearly all of her _blood. _

Quietly, Emmett and Rosalie would whisper between one another about it, far too low for my human ears to hear but they watched me nonetheless, knowing I was watching them as well, even if it just appeared as though I was sitting stupidly on the couch staring at the beige coloured wall blankly.

I had gotten lucky though, it was almost as if they had wanted me to know what happened. So I knew what to expect. Maybe they had both seen the closeness I had managed to develop with Jasper and they thought I had a right to know. Regardless of their intentions, they had managed to let me indirectly know that Jasper had slipped from the Cullen diet and the next time I'd see him, his eyes wouldn't be that tawny golden I had gotten used to.

Really, that thought didn't bother me as much as it probably should. Jasper had told me on more than one occasion that his first preference in dietary choices would always be human blood. He chose to stick to the Cullen diet because his then current standing was living with the Cullen family and it was just one of the many rules put in place by Carlisle. Again though, I had struck pure luck when it came to Emmett and Rose. If given the chance and enough privacy at one time, they and I both had finally been able to get right down to the truth of the matter and they were honest, as honest as they could be.

_Edward shot me a look before bending down and kissing the side of my cheek. I fought back the grimace that usually crept its way around my features every time he came close to me or was able to physically touch me. I couldn't stand his presence let alone the physical feeling of him touching me. He disgusted me; terrified me. _

"_Be good, Bella. Alice and I will only be gone just long enough to hunt. No trips to La Push," he warned. _

_Emmett strolled in the living room, shooting me a sympathetic glance before pinging Edward in the back of his head with his fingers. "She'll be fine, Eddie. She's not a baby. Besides, I'll keep her company."_

_Edward's mouth opened and then shut quickly as Rosalie walked into the room as well, gracefully dropping herself into the seat beside mine and glaring at Edward in a way that would put the fear of God into any creature within radius of her view. _

"_She'll be well watched, Edward," she snapped spitefully. "Don't worry about your precious human."_

_Despite the cruelty in her words, I knew Rose meant no harm toward me. I wasn't completely sure how I had come to that conclusion but it seemed as though something had happened or she realized something that made her a bit more at ease toward me. We still didn't speak, and I wouldn't go as far as to say we were on good terms with one another, but at least she wasn't all out ignoring my very presence in front of her. Edward hadn't bothered with giving Rosalie a response, instead he huffed like a child and stormed from the room, quickly followed by Alice who had been watching the entire scene unfold silently._

_The back door slammed loudly, and on cue, Rosalie sighed loudly as a look was shared between her and her mate. _

_Emmett grabbed the remote, flicking on the television and going through the saved episodes of the newscasts they had recorded of the woman who died in the 'accident'. I grabbed the book on the table, pretending to read as I watched Emmett's lips move at a fast speed, speaking in frequencies to Rosalie that were too low for me to understand. _

_The broadcaster's voice saturated the background as it replayed what I had already heard at least five times. 'A young woman found dead in a dirt road after her vehicle was discovered by search officials who had been on the case for a little under fifteen hours, prompted by the woman's husband…"_

"_Bells," Emmett said quietly. _

_I was too lost in the female's voice on the television to care. "It is assumed she had hit a deer while moving in excess of normal or recommended speeds for the road she was travelling on. The woman's husband has given several statements and still isn't sure of why she was travelling on the dirt road…"_

"_Bells?" Emmett asked this time, waving his hand in front of my face. _

_I had dropped the book in my lap at some point, but I still wasn't fully paying attention to the other two in the room, I was more concerned with the broadcast, trying to catch something that I had maybe missed, a clue or a sign. Still, it was the same and nothing had changed. I couldn't understand why they were playing it for me yet again. _

_Didn't they know I already understood what they were trying to tell me? _

_Didn't they understand that I just didn't give a shit that he had slipped? That I never would?_

"_The woman suffered several injuries, among them a broken rib, wrist, several lacerations and scratches from what officials presume was the broken glass as well as a large and rather deep laceration on her neck where nearly all of her blood had bled out…"_

'_Large and rather deep laceration on her neck…' It's the easiest place to bite and drink what with the blood pumping and all…_

'_Nearly all of her blood…' Well he couldn't just leave her half filled? Why do it half assed? _

'_Broken rib, wrist…' Did she fight back? _

_My internal ramblings had suddenly turned into something they probably shouldn't have but it wasn't like I could stop it. Maybe I was too morbid for my own good. I did run with vampires after all, one of which wasn't here, the one I wanted the most. _

_Want him… I wanted him. _

_Miss him… I missed him. _

_Need him… I still need him. _

_Love him...? I'm not sure._

"_Bella," Rosalie growled, finally bringing my attention away from my less that coherent thoughts. They only hurt me more as it was to think about them. Thinking about Jasper hurt me more and more as time went on. _

"_What?" I asked thoroughly aggravated. _

_A tiny smirk fluttered across Rose's face but she covered it up with a scowl just as quick. "How many times are we going to have to do this shit before you finally see what is right in front of your face?"_

_I decided ignoring Rosalie's ignorance would be a better fit than slapping the stupid out of her would be. It probably wouldn't end well on my end anyway. Besides, I didn't have death wish yet. _

_Emmett looked at me with an expression mixed with sadness and confusion. "Bells…" he trailed off with another look towards the TV. _

_We were alone in the house, and probably safe from the seeing eyes and hearing ears of Alice and Edward. I had been told several times that they somehow managed to ignore their gifts when they hunted, focusing more on allowing their instincts to take over the situation they were presented with. Carlisle was still at work, though he was due home within the hour and Esme had left to get more groceries for the only human in the house that needed to eat. _

_I had to remember we were safe for the moment. I was never really safe but this felt as near to it as I was going to get unless Jasper walked through those front doors with a smile on his face and proof he had somehow managed to figure it all out about Lysen that didn't tip Alice or Edward off. _

_To be honest, it seemed highly un-fucking-likely. I had faith in Jas, but at the same time, I wasn't sure how far he would take something to win what he wanted. A little voice in the back of my head told me as far as he needed to go, nothing could stop him. _

_For some reason, there wasn't any method or plan I had been able to come up with that would work to save my son… I wasn't sure how anything he could plan would be any different. _

_Have trust. Find some faith. Believe in something bigger than yourself. _

_Yeah, I was starting to sound like some religious pamphlet on the Love of God. Still, even my internal hope that something would work its way out, that something would fight to the surface and Jasper would just know, I couldn't let myself hope and believe too much. _

_If my heart was shattered… if my son died… I couldn't handle it. I couldn't forgive him if he made a selfish decision because he had become impatient or just said 'fuck it' since he was tired of not looking. _

_He promised me… I needed to remember that. _

_How far would he go? _

"_Bells, we need to talk about what happened," Emmett explained. _

_I shrugged and picked the book up off my lap. "When is Jas allowed to come back?" I questioned Emmett in response. _

"_Allowed?" Rose growled out. "What gave you that impression?"_

_I craned my neck back enough to look at her when I spoke. "Edward said he was asked to leave the family for a while. I assumed Jasper wasn't allowed to come back without permission."_

"_Well technically, yes," Rosalie muttered unhappily. _

"_So," I mocked. "When is he coming back?"_

_The look on both their faces told me neither of them had much of an answer for me. "Really the when isn't as important as what you need to know about why," Emmett stated simply. _

"_I get it, Em. He killed the human," I deadpanned._

_Rose's hard intake of breath at my words didn't even have me turning to look at her. "You knew?"_

_I shrugged again. "I knew the second time I watched the news. It wasn't hard to figure out."_

"_You don't seem surprised or…bothered?" Emmett questioned, seemingly confused again. _

_A sarcastic chuckle bubbled out of my mouth before I could stop it. "You're the ones who think of yourselves as a Cullen. Jasper never did, and probably never will."_

_I left the words hanging and waited for a response. Nothing came from either of them, minus the shallow breathing from Emmett and the slight hissing from Rosalie. _

"_So, when is he coming back?" I asked again. _

_Emmett turned to look at me, his eyes darkened and shadowed with sadness. "I really don't know, Bells."_

And then... it had changed. It was as if I had suddenly been forgotten because something else was more important for the moment. All it had taken was a simple phone call from Carlisle to Edward, who turned to Alice for confirmation of whatever it was.

Edward's expression changed from the usual scary stone marble to absolute fury. His eyes had met mine in the rear-view mirror, and for a split second, I could have sworn he was contemplating killing me. And to be honest, I almost wanted him to do it.

_We were driving back to the Cullen home, surrounded by a tense silence. An occasional question was thrown my way from Edward or Alice, mixed in with little threats of reminders from Edward of what they both had been holding against me. _

_Lysen..._

_The day had been more awkward than normal, if my life could even be considered normal any more. Really, I just took the brunt of it without complaint or refusal. There wasn't a point, and maybe I could be seen as weak because of it but what choice did I have? Standing on my own meant my son's life. Trying to run or help only meant the same outcomes over and over. And not for one second would the two in front of me let me forget it. _

_Though, the day had been different. Edward had been much more focused on Alice than usual, growling under his breath at her during the day, demanding her to look forward into the future more. _

_It seemed as though something was happening and they were just waiting for confirmation of it._

_The cell phone Edward kept in the middle console of the Volvo rang the normal Debussy ringtone he had programmed in. Edward shot a look at Alice, one that bothered me but I wasn't sure why, before he answered the call. "Carlisle?" Edward asked; he knew who it would be._

_I heard nothing after that, their voice levels reached decibels that a weak human's ears couldn't hear. Edward's head whipped to look at Alice in the passenger seat, eyes black with rage as his fingers tightened to a near breaking point around the leather of the steering wheel. I did manage to make out, "you're fucking kidding me," from Edward, though whatever it meant could have been debatable. Alice continued shaking her head while Edward stared at her through narrowed eyes, hands shaking and rumbling growls erupting through his clenched teeth. Maybe I should have been more scared than I was, but there really wasn't much else I could do about it. _

_I had finally decided to speak. "What's going on?"My voice was just above a whisper, but I knew they both could hear me clear as day. _

_Both of them froze for a second. "Nothing important," Edward answered cryptically. "Nothing we can't handle, right Alice?" _

_"Right," she muttered, rubbing her temples as her eyes shaded again and she slipped into another vision. _

_Again, at whatever she had seen, Edward and Alice went into a severe argument about it. Something must have been confusing her because from what I could gather, she couldn't give concrete enough information as to the what, when and why of the whole situation. Edward had turned around in his seat and started driving again before he adjusted his rear view mirror and looked me directly in the eyes. I felt the shiver of disgust and terror creep up my spine, but I held in it. _

_Jas, what did you do?_

_"What have you been doing lately, Bella?" Edward asked me quietly, almost too quietly calm. It bothered me, scared me. _

_"Nothing," I answered immediately. "I don't get time alone," I spat bitterly after a moment. _

_I lifted my eyes again to meet him; they were still black and filled with rage. His jaw clenched at my words but in reality, he knew it was all truth. He stared at me, almost trying to look through me it seemed and I just wanted to sink back into the uncomfortable leather and disappear to make it all go away. _

_It wasn't like I hadn't contemplated doing it... I just never had the right time. _

_Weak... wishing for death is a weakness. _

_It's easier than this... No one would blame me then. No one could ever say anything. _

_They could say you didn't try. _

_For a moment, I wished Edward could read my mind. I tried focusing it, repeating the same words over and over again in my head as I looked at the vampire who had done nothing more than terrify and terrorize me. _

Do it, Edward. Please just do it so they won't blame me...

_Maybe I was too weak. Maybe I deserved exactly what I was getting. Maybe I didn't deserve the people I thought I did at all. _

_Edward's foot must have pressed down on the gas a bit harder because the car's engine roared a bit and we jerked ahead before his eyes finally left mine in the mirror. "When we get to the house, go straight to the living room and stay there," he ordered gruffly. _

_"Yes, Edward," I murmured, turning back to look at the green scenery I had seen one too many times already. _

The rest of that car ride had been exceptionally tense. Alice had slipped into several visions during the course of it while Edward rapt his knuckles in an increasingly irritating tempo against the steering wheel, all the while growling and muttering under his breath at a speed only vampires could hear. Neither had bothered speaking another word to me the entire way, though I couldn't say I wasn't grateful for that little gift.

Carlisle arrived back at the house not long after we had, motioning Edward toward his study where they both disappeared for a few minutes. Esme sat alone in the kitchen, staring out the glass windows into the darkening forest while Emmett, Rosalie and Alice gathered in the living room where I had perched myself as well, opening up a text book and reading through the pages I had been designated for homework that night.

I couldn't seem to focus on the words though. Emmett was shooting wary glances at the clock while tapping his foot against the glass coffee table lightly. Rosalie was staring vacantly at the wall though I could swear she was watching me through her peripherals. Alice was standing by the window, slipping into vision after vision, coming out of them with soft growls and low murmurs to the others in the room and no doubt the ones who weren't.

They were all nervous, bothered and worried. In a way, I wondered how it would affect me but at the same time I didn't want to think about that for too long either. If it did have something to do with something Jasper had done… or someone else…

I couldn't let my mind go there. I had to keep believing that what I was doing was the right thing. I needed to keep convincing myself that I could be what they demanded of me to be for my son, for his life. Because he was so much more _worth it _than I could or would ever be.

_All for him. Only for him._

"Family meeting," Carlisle's quiet voice sounded in the room, breaking me out of my thoughts and shocking the hell out of me. I hadn't heard him or Edward come out of the office or even enter the room, but that wasn't exactly unusual for me to be unobservant anyway.

Edward was in front of me in a flash, tugging me up from my spot on the couch and pulling me along with the rest of the family into the dining room. Esme still sat at the table, the same blank expression on her face as before. I couldn't understand what was so bad that it had all of them bothered this badly.

"We're going to have a visitor," Carlisle started. "You all know this already, minus Bella of course. So this meeting is more for her benefit than anything."

_Well thanks for the inclusion. Could you maybe bring your head up out of the sand next time and see the rest of the things that go on around you, oh great Patriarch that you are? _

"A visitor?" I questioned confused.

Edward sat still as stone but completely tense at the same time beside me. He was quiet; eyes black as coal and eerily calm as he listened to Carlisle speak. I wanted to move away from him and put as much distance as was possible for me without drawing too much attention to myself or my actions but that wasn't exactly possible in that moment.

"Yes, an old friend if you will," Carlisle supplied.

Both Edward and Alice snorted in an unbecoming way before receiving equally spiteful glares from Rosalie and Emmett across the table. Obviously whoever was making an appearance had mixed opinions from the people in the Cullen family.

"Who?"

Instead of getting an answer to my question, Edward spoke up, directing his words at Carlisle. "I'll just remove her from the house for the night. Charlie isn't expecting her home. I could take a trip to Seattle."

"Wait," I interrupted. "Who is coming?"

Edward turned and looked at me with an expression that had _shut the fuck up_ written all over it.

Emmett decided he didn't care what anyone else thought. "Peter Whitlock… Jasper's brother if you will."

I sat immobile for a minute, staring at Emmett's golden eyes that were searching mine with rapt attention, waiting for a response that would give something away.

Did I know who Peter Whitlock was? Absolutely.

Jasper had told me of him and his mate Charlotte. He had told me of several experiences they had shared during their times together and how much he adored and cared for them, even more so than any of the Cullens and probably more so than all of them combined. He spoke of Peter with a deep respect that held strong undertones of loyalty and trust. Jasper held Charlotte in the same regard.

_Why was he coming here? _

_What did he want? _

_Did Jasper send him? _

_My God, what did he do? _

_What had he done? _

I was hoping my face wasn't betraying the turmoil going on inside my body. None of the silent meditation techniques I had learned could prepare me for feeling the way I did in those moments. I was trying not to jump to conclusions of the possibilities. I was trying to keep some sort of semblance of calm inside my mind but nothing was holding up like I wanted it to.

"Okay," I replied shakily. "Jasper might have mentioned him in passing. What is the big deal?"

Edward's head whipped around as his black eyes bore into mine again, making me shrink back from the gaze. "He is a human drinker, Bella. Peter isn't known for his control when he wants to feed, not to mention we aren't all entirely sure on why he is coming now."

Carlisle cleared his throat unnecessarily. "Yes, we do actually," he corrected.

"Please, you can't actually think his reasons are because Jasper needs someone to end his affiliation with the family. He could do that himself. He doesn't need a go-between."

Carlisle's teeth clicked together softly before he spoke again. "There are issues Jasper needs to take care of for Peter, apparently."

_Issues. Please, Jasper, please don't make a mistake. Please don't hurt me like that… please. _

A frustrated growl left Alice before Edward snarled as well. "Peter doesn't even care for us or our lifestyle," Edward muttered rather pathetically.

Emmett chuckled and shook his head. "No, correction Eddie, Peter doesn't like you, the rest of us are decent in his eyes."

I was still sitting silently, not sure on how I wanted to take the situation and trying to keep my brain from wandering all the horrible possibilities that could possibly go wrong. I was positive Peter's arrival had something to do with me, despite what Jasper had told Carlisle.

"If everyone is so worried about this human drinker, couldn't I just go to La Push for the night?" I asked quietly, keeping my eyes trained on the wooden table.

Edward rolled his eyes in my direction. "Hardly not," he snapped. "We'll be going to Seattle for the night. I have some business there to take care of anyway. You should be introduced into some of the things I take care of there."

The rest of the family didn't bat an eye at his words but I had to hold back the shiver that crept up my spine. Jasper had already explained to me pretty damn well the people Edward _dealt_ with in Seattle. Everyone was entitled to their preferences in the bedroom, but I had no interest in watching someone strap Edward up with leather while they flogged his backside and told him what a bad boy he had been. I needed no introductions into that shit.

All I could do was stare at Edward with a defeated expression on my face. Suddenly, Alice let out a screech of a wail over where she had been standing, leaning against the wall. Her eyes popped open and met Edward's immediately who had turned to watch whatever she had been seeing.

"It's blank," she muttered in almost complete disbelief.

"No," he growled.

Finally deciding to speak, Rosalie sighed and slammed her hand down on the table, making Esme finally break her stone stance as well. "What in the hell are you two freaks babbling about? The rest of us in this room aren't so fortunate to have your very super special gifts, so please en-fucking-lighten us."

"Rose," Esme scolded in a voice just above a hush.

Rosalie didn't bat an eyelash in her direction, let alone apologize. I couldn't help the smirk that rose on my lips from her defiance.

"I can't see anything," Alice ground out through clenched teeth.

The phone on the wall started ringing and both Edward and Alice groaned. Carlisle shot them a peculiar look before walking over and picking the phone up off its hinge. "Hello? Cullen residence."

I couldn't hear whoever it was on the other end of the receiver, but whoever it was had every vampire's attention in the room focused solely on the phone in Carlisle's hand. They were all frozen in place like statues. None of them blinked, breathed or even twitched as Carlisle listened to the caller on the other end. It seemed like the tension had rose to yet another unexpected level for the moment and I was once again, the only one left out of the loop.

Short breaths of air left my lungs as I waited for someone to say something, anything to give me a clue.

"Damn it," Emmett muttered.

"Are you sure it's necessary to have it _right now?_" Carlisle stressed exasperated. Another few seconds of silence passed before he spoke again. "No, it's possible. I'm sure we can work something out." Carlisle's eyes flickered toward Edward who was now grimacing and shaking his head as if to say 'no' to whatever Carlisle was silently asking. "We have an unexpected visitor coming, I'm not sure it would be wise to allow all our members to join tonight." Edward's jaw visibly clenched. "You won't come in human form?"

I understood then and the breath of relief expelled from my lungs before I could stop it. Edward shot me an odd look but I ignored it completely. The wolves had obviously called a meeting with the Cullen family and they were refusing to come in their human form. That could only mean one thing; they would need a translator. Edward was the only person who had a gift for that capability.

My luck had just fucking changed. I couldn't help but grin. Something pricked at me in my mind, a little bit of subconscious telling me this must have been Jasper's doing as well. He always said he never lost. He never made mistakes. He did his job and he did it well. Leaving loose ends wasn't a part of his character, and the wolves had just managed to remove Edward to give me enough time to see Peter, and all the while, Alice would be blind.

I wanted to scream from terror, excitement, concern, and anticipation but I couldn't, so instead, I just grinned.

Carlisle was speaking again, his eyes clenched closed as he spoke. "Yes. Yes, absolutely. No, I understand. It's warranted, though we have not once given you a reason not to trust us. No, Jasper will not be joining us; he has left the state for a while." Edward shot me a look filled with venom. I just smiled back, not really knowing what else to do. I didn't have any part in Peter's arrival or the wolves' sudden, untimely call. I had no way to contact Peter and really I wasn't ever given a chance to contact the wolves.

"Half hour to an hour? Could we not maybe put it off for a couple hours?" Carlisle released another exasperated sigh almost on cue to Edward's low hiss. "No, it's not a problem, we're just thinking of our visitor. No, no, he won't be hunting anywhere near here, I guarantee. Yes, thank you. We will see you soon."

No longer did Carlisle have the phone hung up was Alice and Edward both out of the room in a flash. A door in the upstairs slammed as the rest of the Cullen family stared at the ceiling with narrowed eyes. I continued staring at the wood patterns on the antique table, ignoring those around me for the minute. I needed to think and their presence wasn't helping.

"Wolves called a meeting," I stated.

"Yes," Carlisle answered.

"You needn't fear, Peter," Esme told me after a moment.

I snorted and shrugged. "Peter, I don't fear. I don't even know him."

Emmett grinned in that cheeky way that only he could, dimples and all. "Peter's good. Quiet watcher, loud participator."

"You can't be both," I snickered.

"Peter can."

Every head in the room snapped up to the ceiling again as a loud bang crashed on the floor. Edward's raging voice came back into normal sound volume, finally allowing me to hear it. "I expect you to keep watch, Alice, I can't trust him enough around her. It doesn't make sense for him to be here. Watch, because I'll be watching too." The rest of the Cullen family turned to stare at me confused. I was hoping they were finally starting to get a real glimpse of the Edward and Alice I had been dealing with for far too long.

"Esme, Alice, Edward and I will go to the meeting with the wolves," Carlisle whispered. "This is absolute horrid timing."

Edward strolled back into the room, ignoring everyone's gaze as he spoke. "Alice can still see Peter, though her visions are unsure and cloudy at best due to the wolves' involvement. The closer we get to them, the more it is likely to disappear completely. She expects him here in thirty minutes."

"Just enough time for us to say hello," Carlisle smiled.

Edward's lip curled back in a snarl. "I don't trust him. I need to see him as well."

"Jasper assured Carlisle," Esme started, her voice a low murmur.

Edward growled as did Alice. "Notice would have been good. Not to mention the visions regarding Jasper and Charlotte are sketchy at best. Peter can't make up his mind to come or stay. Really, it doesn't make sense," Alice reasoned.

"We will trust what Jasper said," Carlisle said, his tone and stance on the matter signifying finality. "Is that understood?"

"Yes," everyone including me answered.

I guess I wasn't the only robot with pre-programmed responses.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer, except those that I have created for my story.**

**Chapter 18: Chapter 18**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03.**

* * *

**Bella POV**

The tension within the house only got worse as the time passed slowly. Edward and Alice had both moved from the dining area again, slipping upstairs where they could talk as privately as possible. The rest of the Cullen family didn't seem to be bothered much by the change in the other member's attitudes and actions.

But I had to wonder, how much of this had they seen and how much did they just _choose _to ignore?

Shortly after the other two had removed themselves, Esme and Carlisle announced they needed to prepare for the meeting with the wolves and get some paperwork readied for Peter. Emmett had shifted just a bit in his seat and immediately offered to do some of that work for Carlisle if he didn't mind.

That question from Emmett immediately had me on high alert. No one else seemed to care much but the little twitch in his right cheek where he was biting and releasing the inside of his cheek over and over told me there might be something in Jasper's personal papers that Emmett didn't want the others to see or know about. Carlisle easily agreed, shaking his head and muttering under his breath about 'not wanting to lose a member of his family'. I wanted to spit back at him that he had already lost Jasper a long time ago; Jas had just made a conscious decision to stay where he was because of the comfort and safety. Other than those two things, he had no problem leaving if he felt they were taken care of.

I might have been making unwarranted assumptions about Jasper and his feelings toward the Cullen family, but something had to give. Things changed, even in a world of unchangeable lives. I was proof of that, Jasper was _proof of that._ I had seen so many tiny almost unimportant changes in his character before his disappearance that might have seemed petty and irrelevant to others but to me, and no doubt him as well, they were huge changes; maybe even unwanted differences that he might have felt weakened by.

Emmett shot Rosalie a tight smile before leaving as well. That left me with Rosalie in the dining area. She said nothing to me, only clicked her nails on the table top in a rhythmic fashion. As aggravating as the noise normally would have been, I almost felt comforted by it; like a ticking of a timer, ticking down the seconds until something was supposed to happen.

I just didn't know what that 'something' was exactly.

I couldn't help but close my eyes and listen to the tick, tick, tick, of Rose's nails against the wood. It very nearly lulled me to sleep until the sound abruptly stopped and my eyes popped open to see Rosalie looking off in the direction of the left side wall. Her lips moved but she was speaking at a volume too low for me to hear what she was saying. Once she stopped, she noticed me looking at her but said nothing.

It kind of pissed me off. "What was that?" I finally asked.

She didn't even need to answer because Carlisle unnecessarily cleared his throat in the hallway. "Alice said another twenty minutes before Peter arrives," Carlisle filled me in quietly, poking his head in the doorway of the dining room before he disappeared once again.

"Hmm," was all I managed before the lulling drum of Rosalie's fingernails started again.

Funny that is what calmed me in those moments. I had been exhausted beyond anything remotely normal for a human. I barely ate or slept. I couldn't feel safe when I had either Edward or Alice standing over me every second of every day. When sleeping could be my only escape, I couldn't even seem to manage that considering what used to make me feel comforted, now made me feel confined and trapped.

I wanted out.

It seemed like the exhaustion was catching up to me finally. The soothing sounds of Rose's fingernails had my body sinking further into the suede covered chairs. I laid my head into the crook of my arms resting on the table and stared out the large bay window offered a view straight into the forest that surrounded the Cullen mansion.

_Tick, tick, tick, thrum. Tick, tick, tick, thrum. Tick, tick, tick...thrum... tick, thrum, tick, thrum... _

Sleep had been deprived for me but with nothing but the background noise of comfort and feeling like Edward and Alice were both far enough away, my eyes drooped. It was an out. I took it as I watched the brush at the forest line sway with the light breeze outside.

...

A low humming had stated pricking me in the back of my head again and my eyes fluttered open, hazy and confused, threatening to drop closed again.

"Maybe I should just go out there," Emmett grumbled from somewhere in the room.

"No, he's fine. Carlisle is handling it just fine without more interference and Edward's just being his usual overbearing, idiotic self," Rosalie replied. After a few quick seconds of silence, Rosalie asked, "do you think Jasper was telling the truth when he called us?"

I woke up a bit more at that statement. When had he called them?

"I don't doubt Jas," Emmett snapped back quickly. "Ever. You shouldn't either." Rose hissed before I heard her footfalls storming out of the room. "God damn it," he growled before following after her. Really I couldn't understand why they didn't talk at a level where I wouldn't be able to hear them.

_Because they're so domesticated, humanized...not even real vampires anymore._

It was almost as if Jasper was whispering it in my ear, another reminder of what he had been living with during his time with them and all the facades they put up around them to keep others out.

_Nothing but lies, Sugar. _

What about you?

_I'm the keeper. _

Bullshit.

I realized that at some point during my impromptu nap, I had turned my head and was now facing the rest of the kitchen instead of the window where I had been looking before. I wanted the calming sensation of the brush swaying and the lulling taps of Rose's fingernails back. Even though, my eyes felt heavy again as somewhere in the distance I could hear growling and raised voices.

"He certainly doesn't need _you _to be here for him," Edward snarled.

A deep voice of a man I had never heard before answered back. "And what does that mean exactly, _Eddie_? Have I ever given your coven a reason not to trust me or my word? Has _Jasper_?" I then realized the windows in the kitchen were open and they must have been directly outside of them for me to hear.

Low murmurs from Edward to Carlisle had me turning my head in my arms to face the opened windows again. I still couldn't hear but the unknown man sighed deeply in what sounded like aggravation.

"I don't appreciate the suspicion. I certainly don't enjoy being interrogated but what is most offensive is that you can't be respectful enough to speak aloud. You use Edward's gift and I can't defend myself. It's highly insulting to me and it makes me automatically go on the defensive. Am I being clear enough for you both?"

I had figured that the unknown person was Peter so that meant I hadn't slept very long. My body was missing _days _in that department.

"I apologize, Peter," Carlisle replied solemnly. "Forgive our ignorance."

"_My _ignorance," Edward muttered indignant. "I have nothing to apologize for. I'm only being mindful of Peter and my mate."

Almost as if Peter ignored Edward's last statement, he replied very calmly with, "No, you certainly never do anything wrong, do you _child_?"

I realized that the entire house was quiet, completely and eerily silent but it almost seemed _alive_ despite the nothingness going on within. What was it? Anticipation? Expectation? _Fear_. Maybe it was just me and my over-tired mind working its self far past its maximum.

The people outside had started conversing again. "We really need to go," Alice stated.

"Not yet," Edward growled.

"Edward," Carlisle warned.

Apparently Peter's patience had worn thin quick. "You've read my mind and you've interrogated me, so now I'm feeling extremely bothered by it all. I've done nothing; I've only come as a favour to Jasper. Really, I hunted an hour ago, right before the Washington border. Not that I was required to explain much more than what was necessary to any of you, but I did. Now, I have shit to do. Can I please go about doing it?"

"Bella..." Edward spat out but was quickly interrupted by Carlisle's commanding voice.

"She will be fine, son. Peter is right, we've over stepped our boundaries a bit and he has been more than forthcoming and honest. Wouldn't you agree?"

I could almost see Edward hissing in frustration as he pinched the bridge of his nose. I really wanted to giggle at the thought but held it in anyway. After a minute he replied with a very bitter 'yes'.

"I'm sorry, Eddie, I didn't quite hear that?" Peter pressed. He was being a goading asshole, because I knew if I heard Edward's response, he certainly had as well. I liked Peter already. "Are you actually giving me permission to go within your home?" The sarcasm was like water droplets hanging off every word.

"Yes," Edward snapped.

Peter scoffed. "For the record, I wasn't looking for your permission. I certainly don't need it to go about my duties. Just so we're clear on _that_."

"Who do you answer to then?" Edward barked. "Jasper?"

"Certainly not you," Peter snarled.

"I'm sure Jasper is very appreciative of you coming here to finish his affairs with our family," Carlisle put in quickly as if to defuse a situation that was just beginning but had been long in the making. "Speaking of which, Peter, are you positive that he won't be..." The sentence trailed off but I was positive of what he was asking and could probably finish the sentence for him. 'Are you positive that he won't be returning to our family?'

"I think it's safe to say Jasper is decided on his standing with this coven," Peter replied without much emotion to his words. "And perhaps a few other things as well," he added cryptically.

"Excuse me?" Edward exclaimed? "Other things? What _other things_?"

My entire body tensed in that moment and I was sure my heart skipped a beat. Peter recovered beautifully though, I had to admit. "His standing within our coven."

"Your coven?" Carlisle asked sounding a bit confused and put off. "I was under the impression that you were considering yourself nomads and that Jasper, given his upbringing, was a leader in his own right."

Peter laughed loudly. "He is. It's an equal give and take. Leave when you want and return if you're asked. We're not conventional to your standards but we're not unconventional to others."

"But," Carlisle started.

He was interrupted by Peter finishing his previous thought. "Jasper is a leader in his own right, which would explain his willingness to leave your family so easily, would it not? Being under the expectations and rules of a vampire he doesn't believe is capable or knowing enough to hold that position in a coven this large with its many talents and capabilities. Surely even you can see the danger if your _family _was attacked or worse? I know my brother certainly can, considering he lived it every day of his life for a century."

"My family is protected enough, we haven't given anyone any reason to attack us," Carlisle stated smugly.

"A reason isn't needed for covens like those in the south, or even the Volturi for that matter. Some fight for territory, others fight for talent and possession of such ability. Really, both are the same thing; ownership, custody, control and command. Jasper is tired of the risk you pose to his life."

"I have protected him," Carlisle snarled, starting to get angry. I hadn't ever heard him get so angry like that before but apparently he didn't like the feeling of being offended. Maybe he just wasn't hearing what Peter was trying to say. "My family's friendship with the Volturi secured his safety for years. Does he think that will continue on after he leaves? I think not, Peter."

An indignant scoff sounded from Peter. "Really? And when did you think that loyalty from the Volturi would run out? How large does your coven have to be before they say enough is enough? It seems you have a knack for finding those with enhanced natural vampire abilities or those with exceptionally strong gifts. And if you can't find them, they certainly migrate straight to you, as in the case of Alice and Jasper. So, Carlisle, if that isn't a threat to the power-hungry, all mighty, holier-than-thou Volturi, I sure as fuck don't know what is."

I wished I could have seen Carlisle's face. I could only imagine it was something of open mouth, close mouth, open mouth, close mouth, rinse and repeat. No one was speaking and once again it almost seemed like the house was alive with this power of freedom and expectation of what was to come or what _had yet to come. _And all because of Peter's arrival into their happy little bubble where nothing was ever wrong and everything went exactly as planned because they were vampires, undefeatable, indestructible, bunny-hugging vampires.

They were all so stupidly naive and inexperienced. Even I understood what Peter was saying without needing it to be told to me. Who wouldn't want the power and control over all the things Carlisle had managed to gain in his vampire lifetime? You'd be crazy not to want it. Power to a craving leader is heroine to a jonesing addict. It all comes down to more, more, and _more. _The Cullens all thought they would forever be protected because outwardly they gave off the appearance of peace, calm and loyalty. None of them realized that that just made them look _weak _and _easily defeated. _

_How could they have not seen that? _

_Why would Jasper stay so long within a family that posed more danger to his existence than if he travelled alone? _

_Why, why, why? _

The internal inquisition I was having was rudely interrupted by Peter's deep voice again. "Forgive my forwardness, Carlisle. You know I mean no harm but my opinion has a valid standing. To be honest, I don't want to be here anymore than you want me here."

"That's untrue, you are more than welcomed," Carlisle interrupted quickly, a shake to his voice.

Peter chuckled low. "Sure, regardless, I need to get this done so I can be back with my mate. I'm sure you can understand."

"Yes, I can."

"Carlisle..." Alice trailed off. "We really shouldn't be late for this meeting."

"Wolves," Carlisle put in for Peter's benefit I imagined.

"Ah, still running on the treaty lines?" His words were almost patronizing and I had to hold in another giggle. "Good luck with that, Carlisle."

"Yes, I'm sure we will need some for this one. It's going to be touch and go. Hopefully we can make it back at a decent time and have some time to spend with you, catching up and all that," Esme replied on behalf of her mate, finally putting something into the conversation. "And you are _always _welcomed into my home, Peter, as well as Charlotte and Jasper. Never doubt that."

I wondered if Peter was smiling at those words. For the first time in as long as I could ever remember being around Esme, that sounded to be the first true and honest statement she had ever spoken to someone that wasn't expected of her to say or a pre-programmed response for appearance. I couldn't help but wonder why that was and what was it about Peter that she could identify with.

_A lifestyle. Freedom. Nothing but a mate and a life. No expectations. _

"Lovely as always, Esme," Peter replied softly. "How are you darlin'?"

Her light laughter had me smiling. She never laughed like that. It was almost free but bitter at the same time. Almost as if her answer would be the same. "We'll catch up later, I'm sure," she responded in the same tone as him. "Be nice, Peter."

"Always am, ma'am."

The voices turned into low and quick murmurs before I heard the front door to the house open and then close. More quiet murmurs came from that direction and I felt the need to get up and move in that direction. I wanted to see the face of this person, man, vampire who had been sent for _me. _I needed to know he was something of what I had expected, someone who could do anything. If any of that even made sense. I just needed to _know _whatever Jasper had planned was going to work. Obviously Peter had done well so far, he'd managed to get past Edward and Alice, though not without some of the blatant suspicion but I could only imagine that was almost expected.

Still, he was in the house, only feet away. I wanted to run to him and just _know. _

So I did, move that is. I moved myself up from the kitchen table slowly and walked to the entrance way that led to the hallway. My head was down, looking at my feet shuffle across the cherry hardwood floors.

"Bells?" Emmett asked from my right.

I lifted my head in surprise, staring at the person I had once thought of as a big brother but was now just more confused as to what I should think of him. Would he make it out of this too? "Yeah?" As I asked, I turned my head to the left and looked down the hallway to the entrance of the house. It was empty minus the army boots that looked suspiciously like Jasper's, a new coat hanging on a hook and an opened backpack on the floor under the bench.

Empty. Nothing. But he was in the house...somewhere.

"You should go lay on the couch or something, you look like death," Em muttered with a shake of his head when I looked back at him. "How much sleep have you been getting lately?"

"Not a lot," I answered in a breath above a whisper. "And if I looked like death, Emmett, I'm sure I'd be sparkly with pretty, sharp teeth and this distinct craving for blood. And if not, the zombie look really isn't my thing."

"You're kind of getting close to it," he replied with a chuckle.

"There's a fine line between insulting and funny, Em. Roll that over will you?" I snapped bitterly.

He chose to ignore that statement. "You know I'm here right? You can talk to me, whenever."

I shrugged and trudged away from him, not knowing there were two more people standing in the back shadows of the hallway, watching our interaction with a mixture of disgust, hatred and anger.

...

Safety was nice. The safety and comfort of dreams was something I had been lacking but when I did get it, the feeling was beyond amazing and it just _soothed _the sensations of losing everything I held dear to my life.

I had never really given myself time to sit around and think about every possibly aspect of why I had done what I had done to myself and my child. If I was being honest with myself, and I could be in my dreams because it was nobody but me and an invisible audience who was never judgemental or openly vocal, I would blame it on my mother. Her forced decisions and immediate reactions to my predicament of being pregnant at such a young age after all that had happened mixed with her constant pressure on my therapist to admit that I was dealing with severe mental effects caused by the after-effects of Lee's death, really didn't help the situation.

If I were being honest I could push a lot of it on Renee. I could live with that, but being honest also meant being true to myself as well. Being true to me meant admitting -at the time- I gave control over completely to my mother. It meant admitting I was overwhelmed by my situation, and felt extremely hurt and cheated by life for the hand that it had dealt me. Being true meant finally admitting my mistakes and wrongs in a situation where I was too young, too hurt, and too unstable to really do what was right for me and my son.

Because at the time, giving him up was what was right. Because at the time, I felt like I couldn't be me without Lee. Because if I had to be honest to me, it meant confessing that at the time when I gave up my son at the forced decision of my mother, I really didn't want to be the one who made that choice. I didn't want to be the one who said yes or no.

Being truthful meant saying I made a mistake but I made the _best fucking mistake _of my life for my son. Making that mistake for me meant giving him everything I would have never been able to give him on my own. Choosing that error meant indescribable private pain within my heart and soul but at the same time, an inexplicable gift and love to another.

So yeah, I may have made the mistake of not being the one who chose to make that decision but it was not a mistake giving up my child during a time when I couldn't be who I thought I was without the right person by my side to help me through it.

In the safety of these dreams I couldn't help but wonder to my invisible audience of peers if I would have ever chosen to go back. I wanted to scream yes. I wanted to jump and laugh and cry it out loud that I would have gone back to take him when I was able, physically, mentally and financially able to care for Lysen the way he deserved.

But then there was the little voice, always whispering, always sincere and never critical saying 'be true to you'. Being true to me meant another honest statement that would not only hurt me but make me feel even more useless as a human being.

I wouldn't have gone back. I didn't want to feel as though I was to blame for the death of a boy who meant so much to his family when I couldn't stop blaming myself for something that was so blatantly out of my control. But blaming myself felt right because the guilt I felt when I didn't was overwhelming enough to kill me, if I didn't do it myself that was.

Did that make me weak? Absolutely.

Did it make me stupid and unworthy? Probably.

Did I hate myself for it? Every day.

What now? I was beginning to finally see that it really had been _out of my control. _

But that didn't make the pain better. Out of my control didn't make the guilt go away or the blame fade from my mind. All of these situations had been avoidable, preventable and inexcusable. But I couldn't stop thinking that it was still my fault when it came right down to it.

And for the reason that when it did come right down to it, I was weak, stupid, unworthy and I hated myself because I was starting to feel like none of what happened had really been my fault. For so long I had thought that would make me selfish and shameful but someone else had swooped in and shown me that making mistakes and bad choices didn't necessarily deem me worthless or inadequate and it certainly didn't mean I couldn't right some of the wrongs I had made. He had shown me that a future was so much better to look ahead to than a past that only brings forth pain and unwanted memories.

_Jasper._

Did that mean I was saying goodbye? In a way.

Did that mean I was paying tribute to another who had shown me life before another showed me how I wanted to really live it? Beyond a doubt.

Did that mean I loved him? I needed to know he was who he was before that was answerable.

And then the dream fades again because I can _feel _it again. Eyes. Watching. Surveying. But these eyes felt different; protective, concerned, caring. Being watched is unnerving but these eyes were_ safety and comfort. _

I desperately needed safety and comfort.

….

"And she awakes," a gruff voice said when my eyes fluttered opened.

My eyes met the clock on the wall and I groaned at the time. I had slept for two hours without being disturbed once. That was beyond unusual for me. I craned my neck to the side, looking through sleep filled eyes in search of the voice that had spoken to me.

The first glimpse I had of him probably didn't do him much justice considering I was still half asleep as I surveyed the man. Red eyes stared back as I took him in. He was as tall as Jasper but a thicker build, closer to Emmett's. The blond of his hair was a bit different, lighter and platinum with a bit more length, though he had it tied back in a pony tail at the nape of his neck. His posture as he sat on the leather recliner opposite to me reminded me a lot of Jasper as well. Outwardly he looked to be relaxing and calmed but at closer inspection, he was tensed, eyes flickering to windows and doors as if watching for something that might be coming.

_It's a result of the life they lived for so long. Danger is always there. A fight is always ready. _

The room was lit by a lamp on the side table beside him, hitting his exposed arms at just the right angle to make some of the scars that covered him, as they did Jasper, visible.

Those scars didn't scare me though, they only comforted me.

For some strange reason, those scars reminded me of home.

Flawed. Imperfect. Me. You. Him. Past. Present. Future. Hello. Goodbye.

Home. Safety. Comfort.

"Hello, Sugar."

_Sugar._

"Peter."


	19. Chapter 19

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer, minus those that I have created for my plot. **

**Chapter 19: Chapter 19**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03.**

* * *

**Peter POV**

I watched her breaths puff in and out of her chest rhythmically as her eyelids fluttered again. The human's heart kept beating at a steady pace, not quickening to signal her awakening or even a nightmare. No, whatever she was dreaming about, she was quite content with.

"Sorry," she mumbled almost incoherently in her sleep induced state. "I didn't... know."

I chuckled despite myself, shooting a look over at Emmett and Rosalie sitting together on the floor watching me with rapt attention. They couldn't help but be curious. It was obvious Jasper had made a phone call to them but what context they had spoken with one another was a completely different story all together.

My job was to act stupid to an extent. I could do that, and part of that meant not openly speaking to Emmett or Rosalie about things that could hinder me being here.

"She talks a lot in her sleep," Em said in low tones. "Random names, places, events."

I crooked my head back toward the human, setting my feet up on the coffee table and crossing my ankles over one another before speaking again. "You both should go hunt," I suggested though it came out as more of demand.

"Peter," Rosalie warned, or tried to.

I shot her a look before shaking my head. "No, Rose. You and Emmett should go and hunt. How much alone time have you both had in the last little while? Not much I am assuming. Besides, Sugar and I need to have a little chit chat without others overhearing. We won't get much of that in what- two hours?" I shrugged and leaned forward a bit. "That meeting is taking a while."

Emmett's eyes flickered in the direction of his mate before he chose to speak as well. "Alice has been messaging my phone on and off. Apparently they can't come to an agreement, and not all of the wolves are within direct vicinity or phased either. Edward isn't getting a complete read and Carlisle really just wants to get this finished, whatever that means in the end."

"I can't see the wolves agreeing," Rose added. "Not that I do, either."

My mouth started before my brain did and I snapped at Rose with, "Not everyone is you, Rosalie. Everyone knows your standing on this life because you're so overtly open to giving your biased opinions whenever you feel it's justified. Have you thought about what the human wants?"

Emmett's mouth quirked into a small smirk but he hid it just as his mate growled. "She's too young to fully understand what she is giving up."

"Does she even have a choice?" I shot back.

I watched Rosalie sink back into her mate's side, a darker look taking over her features. Emmett decided to answer for her instead. "The Volturi know about her, they'll track us all over Earth and back. They've also requested our _presence_," he spat out the last word with an indiscernible look.

"Carlisle fears punishment," I filled in quietly. "Only the _coven's _presence?" I asked.

Emmett nodded and looked out the side bay window without another word.

The word Coven implied only those that carried the name or held loyalties for the family name. I couldn't help but smile internally. Jasper was dodging a bullet and I couldn't help but wonder if he even realized it. Technically he wasn't a member of their coven any longer so his presence wouldn't be needed. The excitement I felt was fizzled almost immediately though, considering the pretty little fragile thing in front of me sleeping was still going to be called upon, and I couldn't even imagine if it were me in Jasper's place, sending Char on her own for something like that. Let alone with a coven like the Cullen family.

"When?" I finally asked.

"Soon," was the only distant sounding reply from Emmett.

"They want to see her as a human?" The shock that coloured my words was evident.

"No," Rose hissed in disgust. "They expect her to be changed by then."

I almost felt like I was choking on air for a second as I tried to form words. "How in sweet fuck do they expect her to make a trip like that as a _newborn_?"

Emmett snorted. "Private charted jet, vampire pilots."

"Huh," was all I could make out.

The human girl shifted in her sleep again and Emmett grunted at Rosalie before tilting his head toward the outside of the house. "Let's go for a quick hunt, babe," he muttered before standing up off the floor.

Rosalie shot me another look filled with questions. "I know as much as you," I said quietly, avoiding her eyes. "I only know what I see and what he offers, which with Jas, it's never very much."

_Because it is usually for the best._

"Why are you here?" she asked finally.

"To watch, mend, and build what matters," I replied.

She tittered with irritation and I couldn't help but chuckle. "That doesn't make sense, Peter," she barked.

Finally my irritation had reached its limit as well. My fuse was shorter than most anyway. "It doesn't _have _to make a lick of fuckin' sense to you, barbie. Em?" I asked with a look in his direction before waving my hand in Rose's direction. "I need a few, privately."

He nodded, ignoring the fact that I had just completely disrespected his wife and mate without care at all before tugging on her shirt in the direction of the back doors to the house.

Really, Emmett didn't mind if someone occasionally put Rosalie in her place if she deserved it. And usually the woman deserved it a few times a day. I had been taught to respect and love women, to protect and care for them. Sometimes being what I was, my natural instincts kicked in toward other females who weren't my mate, and all those fancy manners my Momma must have taught me back in my human years went straight into the trash with everything else that made a difference to today's society.

But to be honest, I didn't give a flying shit about today's society either. I had lived long enough to know everything around me was going to change whether it is laws, rights or the way the fuckin' sun shined down from the left side of the globe. Old traditions fade, and new ones take their place with vengeance even if some are still fighting for survival beneath the rubble. I was a vampire who stretched with the times and moved into place when it was required to do so.

My way of looking at it was pretty simple really; I didn't give a shit. I was never going to be able to go back to being Peter, Mr. Who-Ever-The-Fuck because I couldn't really remember enough about him to care, not that I wanted to anyway. I was happy with the life I had been given, even if it hadn't had the best of prospects at first. I didn't need to pretend for humans because I didn't bother putting myself in their presence except to feed or buy something, and I didn't need all that much to live contently anyway.

I had my mate, even if that hadn't been an easy trip, but it was still more than good enough for me. I was a lucky shit, really.

The little human shifted on the couch again, groaning and making a sound that sounded suspiciously like 'no, no' before rubbing her hand across her  
forehead and sighing in what sounded like frustration. I couldn't help but wonder if her dream had changed to something she felt uncomfortable with, or was she just one of those strange little beings that were superbly aware of their surroundings, even in their slumber.

The back door closed and I leaned back in my chair again, reaching my hands up over my head and shooting quick glances at the area of the house in which the residents would return from. I needed to keep my senses tuned to their arrival, I couldn't be caught unguarded or by surprise from someone possibly overhearing or Edward's prying gift.

God, I hated that stupid child. Edward. He was nothing more than a waste of vampire flesh and a waste of valuable space. Carlisle should have used him for the blood bag he was as a human instead of creating the monstrosity of a thing he so affectionately calls 'son'. The boy thought he knew all, had seen all and understood all because of his mind reading abilities. In reality, he assumed too much, took charge when he should have stood down and spewed off opinions and thoughts when his mouth should have been nailed shut. He mistook his vampire age for maturity when he in truth, his understanding and growth barely reached over his seventeen human years.

Edward was nothing more than a little boy in need of serious help, or death. I myself preferred him to receive the latter.

I stared at the human girl on the couch again, bringing my focus to her and letting the confusion settle in my mind. Of course I could see the appeal Edward would have had, but at the same time I couldn't help but wonder what Jasper had seen in her.

That thought didn't last long though because if I knew my brother like I assumed I did, the woman who would be his eternal mate would need to be something absolutely astounding to fit his heart and soul. Most people who came in contact with him automatically shied away because of his quick temperaments and crass attitudes. But like me, that was just how Jasper liked to have people. We never held many close, but those we did were never let go easily.

The human girl shifted her position once again and I finally caught a full glimpse of her profile. Her beauty was understated in a very human way, lips pressed together almost as if she were concentrating on something. I had never really watched a person sleep before and my fingers twitched with the urge to reach out and touch her to wake her. I felt like I was prying on a private time, even if it was interesting and new to me.

For whatever reasons, Jasper couldn't or wouldn't disclose to me before my departure, he felt I was best for the job of caring for his mate while he was unable. That thought tugged on my soul as a reminder of what the word 'family' actually meant to us. It certainly didn't mean the same thing to the vampires who dwelled within the confines of this prison.

And it did seem like a prison in a way. I knew enough about most of them to know what they were hiding or what they wanted and needed. Be it from a slip of the tongue or one of Jas' late night discussions with me about everything that went wrong with people who could have been right, it also helped that Jasper gave me full access to helping him with paperwork and hiding documents when it came to the Cullen coven. They never had a chance. I couldn't help but find it ironic how Char, Jasper and I were the ones born into a world filled with nothing more than destruction, pain and torment yet here we were, living our lives exactly how we wanted and not allowing what had happened to dictate our daily beings. No, we were the ones who should have been traumatized and feral, and maybe we were in our own way, but at least we weren't the ones building up false hope and lies to keep everyone else out.

It was too bad really.

Carlisle had made a choice during his first years as a vampire to feed the unnatural way. It wouldn't have been such a problem had he not also chosen to force several others into that lifestyle as well. At the same time, while creating this family of perfect little vampires, Carlisle managed to continue to see himself as a vampire and he has tried ever since to make up for it in a way. By becoming a doctor he put himself directly in their path, mending their ailments and keeping their health as his number one priority when it should have been his mate who deserved the number one spot on his list. There hasn't been a day that has gone by in his life where he hasn't tried to make up for the fact that he is a vampire, born and bred to kill those he tries to stand alongside as an equal.

It was a damn shame really.

He pulled Edward into the life first, creating a little monster that had demons of his own to fight, those that didn't just include what came along with being a vampire. Edward had one of the clearest recollections of his human life that I had ever heard of. I could only imagine it came from those last two weeks, when he and his family were at their sickest; dying together and all he could do was replay all his memories with his mother and father over and over again, and most of them weren't very good. The boy might have come from a proper society and educated time, but what went on behind closed doors stayed there, just as it often does in today's time as well.

It's a sickening thought really.

Esme came next, straight off death's block, fighting herself and berating her human self for not being good enough to hold it all together. Depression must have been her constant companion, as it often still was. But there Carlisle was, a beautiful man with a boy for her to call 'son'. A ready-made family with too many secrets hidden as it was. All they did was add Esme's to the mix. She was lucky as sin finding her mate in Carlisle, and what a pair they would make if both could just leave it all behind and live as if it were only them in their world. Unfortunately, Esme helped build this world with Carlisle, and she needed to help tear it down as well.

And poor Carlisle, with his golden heart and misguided thoughts on how to redeem his very being, found a very mentally and physically broken Rosalie dying and somehow thought that changing her would be a good idea. As if the bruises, blood and semen that littered her tattered clothes and exposed skin wasn't enough of a clue that maybe the girl didn't need to go through anymore. As if her asking for him to kill her, to end her suffering wasn't enough of a clue. As if _what she wanted _never really mattered either, he changed her as well. So there was the devastated beauty, fresh from a torment no woman should experience, burning for three days with her last memories of life and never fully understanding what could deem her horrible enough of a person to deal with it all. And when she awoke, finding out that she hadn't in fact been saved but instead damned to a life of painful memories and reminders of everything she would never have, she asked for death once again, only to be denied.

It's no wonder she hated him. It's no wonder she couldn't find true happiness, even in the arms of her mate the happiness between them was only built from more lies; because sometimes, lies were easier to live than the truth. Who would want to hear your own mate ask you for death?

So she found Emmett, another physically broken body, only for the first time, he wasn't unwilling. He had no secrets that he knew of at the time to bring with him. Rose had found a good reminder of her human life, and unable to save him herself, forced the man she despised and blamed to take the life of another. No, Emmett had been a good little boy; desperately trying to live the life they wanted him to, occasionally making a slip in diet to fulfill the bloodlust need that plagues us all. It became a game for him, a game that he brought Rose into and for the once or twice she played along, she only felt guilt, where Emmett felt nothing but bliss.

Shouldn't that have been a clue? Apparently not.

And then came the two unknowns; Alice and Jasper. One had a past, and the other feigning a complete blank when it came to theirs.

A little sugar and a touch of spice, stir it round and round with make believe dreams and hidden desires, bake for a half a century and the Cullen family was complete.

I still couldn't manage to understand how they all survived this long, living the way they did, hating each other the way they did.

So I stared at the human girl, wondering how she might have turned out had she been the next person brought into this little life they all created. What lies did she have to hide? How would her persona and mind had to have been moulded and readied to fit the way they thought and lived?

For a second time in his long life, my brother had managed to do something actually worthwhile. It was funny in an ironic kind of way, when he did go all out on something or someone, he didn't go half way. Fuck me sideways, he even managed to find his mate in all of this.

Edward wanted to keep her as a trophy and toy. And nearly all of them knew of Edward's ways in some form or another, yet they stood back and watched this happen. Anger filled me at that thought. Rosalie and I had watched the exchange between the little human and Emmett in the hallway, hidden by the shadows. Bella had looked like death according to Emmett. I thought she just looked tired; tired of everything that surrounded her.

There had been something in her words and the way her body shifted toward my belongings down the hall, as if she were looking for me, or someone, anything. She was expecting me, almost like she needed something.

Well, I was here, doing whatever in the hell they needed me to. I just didn't know everything that entailed just yet.

...

Her eyes fluttered open, squinting against the lamp light before she turned to look at me. "And she awakes," I grinned.

I waited as she took me in, bracing myself for the usual response of shying away from fear. It never happened with her. Either the girl worked really well with weird, or she was used to the presence of a vampire. I noticed the scars along my arm would be visible to her. I thought about covering them for a split second, but when a ghost of a smile fluttered across her lips, I didn't bother. I should have known Jas wouldn't hide his scars, especially to his own mate. That was something he would need to prepare her for anyway, considering how one perceives them through human eyes and how a newborn vampire perceives them mixed in with the instinctual need to run and protect, was two very different things.

My eyes scanned the available windows, senses kicking in to continue my assessment of the area. I couldn't let interruptions hinder what was about to happen between the little human and I. Her brown eyes lifted to meet mine, and I smiled as they lit up just that little bit more.

"Hello, Sugar," I whispered at a level she would hear.

"Peter."

Her voice was so quiet and still filled with remnants of her slumber. "This isn't me dreaming... right?"

Well, fuck me running. I hadn't expected that. "Nah, I'm pretty sure this is real. Since I'm unable to sleep and all that. Plus, I have a hard time believing you could conjure up a dream as fuck hot as I am."

Despite herself, she giggled and pulled herself up from her position. She turned to face me, stretching as she did before casting a glance around the room. "Where is everyone? The meeting couldn't have gone on this long," she muttered with a glance at the clock on the wall.

"It has and is still going. Rose and Em left to hunt a short while ago, we needed to have a private chat and they were more than willing to allow that," I replied. She didn't even question my words. It made me realize that Jasper must have talked to her about Char and me more than I had previously thought. "So rise and shine, we've got to win tomorrow."

She shot me an odd look before glancing at the clock again. "Win what? And it's the middle of the night, Peter."

I shrugged and leaned back in my seat. "Isn't that a human saying or something?"

"Maybe for humans who play sports, or ... where is Jasper?" She asked randomly.

I couldn't help the aggravated growl that left my mouth before I rubbed my hand over my face. "I don't know," I answered.

She froze in her seat, mouth opening but no words coming out. "Wait... what? You _don't know_? What are you fucking doing here then? Go find him, or something."

"Or _something_," I mocked which earned me a glare from the girl. Humans don't generally scare me, but obviously I'd pricked a nerve with Isabella and it showed. "Sorry, Christ. Really though, I don't know. It's not because I didn't want to, it's more because he said it was better that I didn't. Do you understand now?"

Little brown eyes narrowed but she nodded. "So is he coming back?"

I snorted. "That's like asking if it rains in Forks, Isabella."

"Bella, it's Bella," she muttered quickly.

"Not according to your mate," I bit back.

"Hold back... he called me his mate?"

"One thing at a time, sweet cheeks. I don't need that human memory of yours going all forgetful on me tonight."

Her shoulders squared at my words. "You're just like him. You both are assholes."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Sure, it's inherited from a bitch's venom; burns the heart to dust." She waved my words away with a roll of her eyes. "Yes, he's coming back, sooner than you think. Whatever issues he deemed needing fixing, he's out there resolving. With my mate," I added with a bitter tone.

She couldn't help the triumphant smile that graced her features again before a huge sigh left her lips and her stiffened shoulders dropped. "He loves me," she stated. It wasn't even a question, just a statement of truth that I apparently didn't even need to deliver, but I could verify it.

"Of course you silly human. What reason would he have to be running all over God's creation doing whatever in the hell it is that he is doing, readying himself to destroy whatever sanctity these people have left? Yes he loves you, how could you not know it?"

She laughed, short and clipped. "I did. You're right, how could I not? Jasper, in all his crude, hateful, angry, fuck the world ways, managed to take time from his life to be in mine. He stopped because he managed to care. He listened to me talk because for once, he actually wanted to actually hear what I had to say, as if it were important. Do you know why he calls me Isabella?" I shook my head and she continued. "Because he wanted to know me, just me. Not the girl who smiles and nods, or the one who shrugs but agrees. No, me. Just me. So yeah, Peter. How could I not know? Somewhere along the lines of bitter boy meets hidden girl, he took time from his indifferent and callous views to figure out who I was. He didn't have to, and he sure as fuck had no reason to care, but he did. And for some reason, I get the feeling that he doesn't do _that _very damned often."

"You're right, he doesn't. Actually, this might be the third time I've ever seen him care so much about one thing that everything else in the world fades to black while he figures it all out. Jas is a stop-the-world kind of person. He expects you to drop all, be all if needed."

"Don't you sound bitter," she chided mockingly.

I couldn't help the words from slipping out. "Poor little human, this is above your head and below your feet. Can you even manage to fathom what loving someone, especially someone of our calibre actually means?"

She tilted her head back to look at me and I could have sworn fire blazed in those brown orbs. "Yeah, Peter, I believe I can. Not only have I been there and fucking done that, but I then turned around and gave up all I had for it. So you know what, the sky might be above my head and the water might run beneath my feet, but we walk on the same fucking ground together, buddy. Venom runs through you like the blood runs through me. Food chain placement means nothing to how a person actually _lives _nor does it dictate our understanding of that life. So don't try to act like you might fathom mine." She sighed again and shook her head. "It's funny, you know. I waited for something, or someone and he gave me you."

I was still sitting with my mouth agape, coloured surprised that the little human had put me in my place with words. It wasn't something I was used to. It shouldn't have surprised me though; it would be just like my brother to find someone who matched him in spirit, who would challenge his every thought and word.

"He gave me someone just like him, and that pisses me off."

"That's a bad thing?" I asked, finally recovering from my internal epiphany.

Her nose scrunched up. "No, well not really. I should have expected you to resemble one another. How else could he like you so damn much? Jas seems the type to want to surround himself with people that have similar thoughts. Is Charlotte the same way?"

I chuckled. "Ah no, not exactly. She's got a quick tongue and likes to use it when necessary but she's got a lot more compassion for others, if that's what you mean."

"Oh my God," she drawled, throwing herself back into the cushions of the couch dramatically. "_Compassion_?" she spat disgustedly. "How do you and Jasper stand her very presence? And you, mated to such a kind soul." Her every word was doused in sarcasm and I couldn't help but laugh along with her.

I decided to play along. "Oh, my mate more than makes up for when she's ripping my dirty clothes apart that I've left on the bathroom floor, or when she's hunting. God, you should see that woman when she's jealous."

We both fell into an easy laughter before the human stuck out her hand for me to shake. "Let's start this over. I'm Bella."

"Peter Whitlock, nice to meet you, Bella."

She looked down at my hand clasped with hers and said, "Did he tell you anything, anything at all?"

I nodded. "It might not be want you want to hear, Sugar."

"Try me," she whispered, still looking at our hands.

"He said he loves you, and he's sorry he wasn't able to tell you himself before. He also said when you hear the jazz beating through, all is safe and you can be as carefree and upbeat as you need to be, forever."

Bella swallowed whatever words she was going to say first and waited a second before she decided on what she wanted to say. "It might not be exactly what I want to hear, but it tastes damn sweet on my tongue." With those words she let go of my hand and stood up, brushing her pants smooth before turning to me again. "Is that all?"

"No, he said to use what you know. I'm assuming that means against them."

She smirked again. "Okay, so that is all then." I nodded my assent. "Then I'm hungry. Coming?"

"Sure, Bella. What's on the menu, Freesias or strawberries?"

My little quip about the scent of her blood wasn't lost to Bella. "Well I can eat the strawberries, how do you feel about sucking on the petals of a flower?" I made a disgusted face and she smiled. "Didn't think so. My essence isn't on the menu, Peter."

"Not on mine," I whispered too low for her to hear.

...

I fought back the urge to gag as she added bacon to the pan and it sizzled and spit with grease. The smell was beyond revolting. "Sweet baby Jesus, I didn't even know I had a gag reflex," I groaned from the side counter.

She smirked and leaned over, waving a piece of raw meat in front of my face, which I moved away from immediately. "Really, vampires have gag reflexes?"

I shrugged. "Char doesn't."

"Thanks for the info, Pete. I'll be sure to let her know you said that."

Shit. "No, no. That was a mistake." I tried deflecting the conversation. "I did gag once; I tried hunting animals with Jasper during a visit about fifteen years ago. The doe's blood tasted like rotten eggs and mildewed bread."

"Was it immediate or after a few dunks in the pool?"

"Immediate," I grimaced. "It's unnatural."

"To you," she replied before flipping the bacon and sending another horrid waft of smell towards me. "I think the diet could be properly done with the right motivation and person. I think a mind has to be in correct standing, and maybe the person has to know who they are and what they want to be because of it."

"Or live like a Cullen," I stated with a roll of my eyes.

"Yeah, or that," she giggled.

"But, hold off on that opinion, Sugar, 'til you get that first scent of a human as a vampire, especially a baby vampire; all new and strange feeling. It's overpowering and overwhelming. That first taste is defining and you make a choice. You haven't made the choice yet," I explained.

Her fork stopped scraping the bacon from the pan and I looked up from my paper to watch her for a minute until she spoke. "What is it really like, Peter? Being a newborn I mean. I think they've all sugar coated it with what I wanted to hear, and Jasper and I never got down to the nitty gritty of it all."

I rolled her words around on my tongue. What was it like? My opinion was based off the life I had lived as a newborn. I was rewarded for doing as I was asked, and my rewards were often. "I'm not sure I could give you an unbiased opinion," I finally answered.

She looked at me. "It would be better than, 'we'll keep you from killing, Bella, we promise'. I didn't ask about one specific thing, I asked how you feel, how you see, how it tastes. I want to know if I'm going to be me, or some creature that is unmanageable and fuelled by the need to feed."

"Yes," I answered. "Yes, that has a lot to do with it. Being you is hard when everything around you is bombarding your senses one after another. Concentration on one thing is near impossible when your throat feels like it's been burned by acid and you've got fifty different thoughts running through your head. Dressing, bathing, and even hunting takes practice and patience which is also something you will yet to have or conquer right away. It's frustrating and becomes redundant at times. Of course instincts play a huge part. Fight or flight is a daily struggle. Fear and paranoia of those around you becomes a friend or foe depending on how you look at it. I'm not sure what you want me to say, Bella."

"Me either," she replied indifferently as she assembled the food on a plate.

"I won't say I'll stop you, because you get to make those choices. But I will say this; you've got it different than we had it. Your introduction to this life is even different than any of the Cullens. It'll be you, your mate, and us; no one else. Really, the less the better and we'll help you with that too. Practice and patience is something you relearn over time, but until you get it, we're going to be there helping, even if you feel resentful and hateful toward us because of it. You'll break a lot of shit along the way, but hell, we won't care and Char won't either so long as you help clean the mess up. That's what the bank account is for anyway. It'll take time, Bella. Time is a companion you're going to have forever, and it's endless. But you'll get back to you, sweet cheeks; it's just going to take some time."

She fiddled with her food, taking bites here and there while I was talking, moving the half eaten eggs around on the plate. I was positive humans ate this shit during morning hours but she could eat it whenever she pleased, considering I was sure she wouldn't be eating the crap for very much longer anyway. I realized then that she was nervous about something I had either said or hadn't. Maybe I had gone about the conversation the wrong way. Women were odd like that. You needed to figure out which buttons to push before you got the reaction you desired.

"What are you scared of, Bella? Is it the pain, or something else?" I asked quietly.

She lifted her head to meet my gaze again before shrugging indifferently like nothing mattered. "It's stupid."

"I didn't ask for your opinion, I asked what was wrong."

Apparently being utterly direct worked with the girl. "My mind, Peter. My memories. I can handle pain, that's the least of my worries. It's me and my mind and my memories I don't want to lose."

"You're scared to forget," I stated softly, thinking about all the things I could no longer remember about my human life.

My mother. My father. Places I had been or seen. The feeling of sleep. Apples. Cooking. Human sex. Human touch. Breathing to live. The taste of the air when it's cold. Goosebumps.

Silly little things, but I still wished I could remember.

Bella's voice brought me out of my thoughts. "There's a lot I want to remember, and a lot I'd like to forget. I get the feeling, I can't pick and choose."

"Maybe you can," I replied with a grin.

...

I'd left Bella to finish her meal while I went to the upstairs area and worked on Jasper's things that he wanted culled from the Cullen residence. I made quick work of the computers, transferring files and then deleting the others from theirs. Jas and I had developed a program that was quite simple, if they tried to recover what had been lost within the depths of the computer's memory, it would all start a process of self destructing from within; deleting and restoring before filling every available space with a virus that no program could ever resolve. It would take millions to replace what they would lose. It was virtually pointless for them to even try.

Emmett and Rosalie returned shortly after my talk with Bella in the kitchen and I stopped to listen to the conversation.

Rose was picking up the dishes and cleaning off the plates. "I can get that, Rosalie," Bella told her.

"It's alright," Rose said, and I heard the swipe of cloth against the table top. "I don't mind."

Bella snorted and I flashed down the stairs just quick enough to see her grab the wash cloth out of the hands of a very surprised looking Rosalie. "Yes, you do. You're not human, Rose. You don't eat, or cook so you shouldn't need to clean up after someone who does."

"Excuse me?"

"I can cook and clean up after myself, Rosalie. Hell, I even bath myself when Edward decides to let me use the bathroom," Bella quipped. I watched her turn to face Rose, every inch a better woman than the one standing before her. "Stop pretending, Rosalie. It's getting old, and we wouldn't want you getting any lines on that face. God knows it's all you really have left."

A low warning of a hiss came from Rosalie while Emmett stood back in shock, watching both women glare at each other as if they could shoot death daggers through their eyes. I cleared my throat and waved at Bella to come with me.

"Rose can finish those dishes, Bella. Come on, I've got something to show you," I said quickly, hoping to diffuse the situation. Jasper's little woman could be one nasty bitch when she wanted, and it seemed like this was just a taste of what she could really do. "Sorry guys, I got her riled up earlier," I muttered at a level too low for Bella's ears.

Emmett spun out of his shock and threw me a look I couldn't decipher. "Nasty. Damn that was nasty."

I shrugged and pulled Bella out of the kitchen and around the corner. I couldn't help but smile at the look on her face. I was positive she was just as shocked at her little outburst as everyone else was. "Go outside for a walk around the house, will you? I've got a couple more things to finish upstairs and then we can get to work on the other thing I have planned."

Her eyes widened and I listened to her heart rate speed up. "What if Edward comes back and you're upstairs?"

Not so tough when it came to certain things. "I'll hear him long before he gets here, promise."

Instead of replying, she moved down the hall and grabbed her shoes, pulling them on and leaving through the front door. Emmett and Rosalie moved out into the hallway with me, staring at the door and shaking their heads.

"I don't get it," Rosalie muttered.

Em poked her in the side. "Maybe she just got tired of you putting her down for every move she makes and then turning into this sweet little Barbie doll the next second."

"Fuck off, Emmett. I just thought maybe she needed a friend or something," Rosalie spat hatefully.

"She certainly doesn't need fake ones," I said, finally putting my opinion in. "You'll be here now, Rosalie, but what about tomorrow, or the next day? Nah, she doesn't need you, not when she's got people like me and Jasper in her corner."

"People like you? What the hell does that mean?"

I shrugged and turned around. "Take it however you want to, Barbie. I'm sure my explanation wouldn't be good enough for you regardless."

"Alright," Emmett muttered with his hands in the air; always the peacekeeper. "That's enough."

"Leave her alone, will you? I'm here. She's good. Do whatever you have been doing for however long you've both been doing it," I growled.

"And what is that?" Rosalie asked.

"Shit fuck all, apparently," I replied as I walked up the stairs. "I mean, really, Rose, no one does that as well as you and your family. And look at all its got you."

"You're such an asshole," she hissed at my retreating back.

"It's an endearing quality, isn't it?" I chuckled before slamming the door to Jas' room and beginning the work on packing what I thought he would want to keep from there, which by the look of it, wouldn't be much.

...

Once all the little things had been done and finished for Jasper, I sat his boxes of things and documents I knew he would want outside in the garage by his bike. I couldn't see him leaving that piece of machinery behind. He was quite attached to it, just as I had been my truck. But in all its destruction, I thought it worth it to come to conclusion he had. Still, the dink owed me a new truck. I had my eye on the new Chevys.

I opened the side door the garage and slipped outside, holding a camera in my hand and slipping two extra memory cards in my side pocket. I turned it on and opened the LCD screen, making sure the view through it was as it should be for the pictures to come out correctly. I fixed a couple of settings, turning the flash down to a lower setting and readying it for outdoor pictures. I was positive it was Jas' camera, since it had been in his room but I didn't bother going through the pictures within the camera to find out.

Bella was standing against the other wall of the garage, her hair tied up in a loose bun as she raised her arms up by her head. Her tank raised and the tiny tattoo Jasper had spoken of came into view. I wasn't sure what she had been doing, but black smudges crisscrossed her white tank. Thin black bracelets on her wrist slipped down her arm a little bit as she grasped at her hair and turned to look at me with tired eyes. Those eyes searched for what she wanted, they found me and I couldn't help but smile that for now, I was good enough to keep her mind occupied.

"What are you doing?" She called as I lifted the camera and took the first snapshot of many to come. "Peter, Christ! Don't take pictures of me, I look like shit."

"That is such a womanly comment," I laughed, lifting the camera and taking yet another picture of her angry face. "You look fine, beautiful even but don't tell Char that because she'll go all jealous cave-woman on my ass and as fun as it is, Jasper wouldn't take kindly."

"What is the point of the camera, Peter?" She asked through clenched teeth while holding her hand up to block the camera from getting another picture.

"To help you remember," I answered with a small smile. "Jasper, Char and I have a theory that we deduced from our own experiences. The first year is vitally important to making, regaining and keeping memories. Sure, when you're burning through the change, you lose a lot, or they get stored in some unknown part of the brain and they become near impossible to pull back out when it's all said and done."

"So..." she muttered, finally putting her hand down.

I pressed the video button on the side of the camera and it started shooting live. "Char, Jas and I all agree that if we would have had something small, anything to prick one of these hidden memories during that vitally raw time in our newborn year, it would have triggered the memory, focusing our attention on it for a small moment and allowing us to keep some part of that memory. Think about it Bella, what if you had pictures of things, people or even a video of you talking to remember what you wanted? Instead of having something that triggered a memory, you'd have something physical. A picture of a tree you sat under. A picture of Emmett smiling. A game you love to play."

"That's not really physical," she said quietly.

I put the camera down and nodded in agreement. "But it is as close as you're going to get, sweet cheeks. Once you're changed, this is all going to disappear. There will be no coming back, no Forks, no Mom, no Dad, and probably no Cullen family."

She shrugged and smiled. "I can deal with the last one." The little red light was flashing to show we were recording and she held up her middle finger to the camera. "To you, Edward. Bite me, asshole."

"There you go, now let's go find other things, shall we?"

She moved over to me before pressing her tiny frame against my side and I breathed in her scent as she hugged my side. "Thanks, Peter. This is...pretty awesome."

I shrugged. "I'm pretty sure I'd do just about anything for you, sweet cheeks."

"Why?"

It was a simple question, but the history behind the answer wasn't. "I owe him, and maybe in a really brotherly way, I love him too. I think we all should get what we deserve in the end, Bella. I got what I deserved with a little help from him, and he certainly deserves to get you."

"So you're saying you're only doing this because you feel like you owe him something?" Her tiny voice asked.

I swallowed thickly, choosing my words carefully. "I may owe him, though he's never seen it that way. But that is between him and I, you're something else entirely."

"Something crazy," she giggled.

"Something wild," I added.

"A little sugar."

"A little spice."

"Never tamed," she joked.

"Never tied," I finished.

"We're going to have great fun, Pete."

"I'm sure of it." I grinned.

...

After a half hour of snapping pictures and taking videos of different things, Bella spotted a leaf across the lawn and ran over to get it as I switched the memory card to the last one. Videos took up a hell of a lot of space on them.

She held it up and twirled it around. "Damn it," she said with a pout. "It was almost perfect too."

I stared at the leaf with complete confusion written all over my face. "It's just a leaf, Bella."

"It's not _just _a fucking leaf, Peter," she snapped.

Apparently this was one of those times when I needed to press buttons to get answers. "Alright then, human of Jas'. Tell me what is so important about leaf numero one that all these other leaves don't acquire within their beauty of being useless leaves on a tree."

I hit the record button and raised the camera as she started talking. "It's a four pointed leaf, though it's got one little chip in a point, and it's marked with red along its right side," she explained quietly.

"So..." I urged.

"It needs a hole in the middle, and it would be perfect."

"I'm so fuckin' confused here, it's not even funny," I moaned.

Her little finger broke through the middle of the leaf, making a perfect little circle. I pressed the record button off and zoomed in on the leaf, knowing I probably wasn't going to get the story out of her but she might remember it regardless, before I took a picture. She smiled, kissed the leaf and tossed it into the air with a giggle.

"I loved to play in leaves when I was a kid," she stated after a moment.

I couldn't help but smile. "I think I did too."

...

Less than ten minutes later, Emmett's form leaned around the side of the house to inform us the rest of the family was coming home. "It won't be long now," I told Bella as we moved into the house.

"Hm, what?" she asked.

I smiled and patted her head. "Nothing, sweet cheeks. Here," I handed her the camera. "Go take some pictures of the inside of the house."

She took it and walked off toward the direction of Jasper's room and his area of the house. I figured that would be her first place to go. How many memories of the rest of the Cullen family would she really want to have? I couldn't help but snort internally at the thought. Jasper was her priority. From here on out, he always would be. Even if she didn't realize it.

She wasn't upstairs thirty seconds before the sounds of running outside filled my senses. Edward was the first one to enter the house, slamming the door harder than necessary and cracking the wood along the side. He glared at me before making a move toward the sounds of where Bella was snapping pictures upstairs. I immediately moved to block him, putting my hand out as Carlisle, Esme and Alice walked in the house, closing the door much softer than he had.

"Move out of my way, Peter," he growled.

I shook my head and lowered my arm. "I don't think so, child. You see, I'm almost sure what's done is done and you've done more than enough to make my stomach twist. Now, go play your piano, or visit that man in Seattle you so affectionately call 'daddy' before I remove your head from your ass."

"Peter," Carlisle admonished.

They all ignored the statement about Seattle. It figured, pretending was what they all did best anyway.

I turned my attention to their leader and shrugged. "She asked not to see him; surely you'd grant that request?"

Edward choked on air for a minute. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," I spat. "She is _busy_."

"Edward is her mate, Peter; surely she wants to see him." Carlisle was trying unsuccessfully to make a bad situation good, but I had a news flash for him.

I chuckled and took a step away from the stairs. "She's his mate, huh? Well, that goes without saying I'm a free man too. Go ahead, Edward. Walk up those stairs, but so help me Jesus, I will end you before you even make it half way, little boy."

"I think there is something we're missing here," Esme stated strongly with a look in my direction. She had always been the one who looked before she leaped and thought before spoke. She also knew me, because we had had many a long chats before this day and she knew I wasn't one to mince words. "Shall we go to the kitchen and maybe talk?"

"I think that would be wise," I replied. With a bit of demanding from both Carlisle and Esme, Edward sulked all the way to the kitchen, muttering under his breath before I finally got aggravated enough that I grabbed his arm and whispered in his ear, "shut your ridiculous mouth, you arrogant son of a bitch. I've had enough and your little games are done. Sit down, listen in, and watch the grownups hash it out before I rip your head off and make you do it."

That worked well enough and he literally threw himself like a spoiled toddler into the chair at the end of the table, far enough away from me. "Is everything taken care of regarding Jasper?" Carlisle asked.

Rosalie and Emmett shifted in their seats but no one other than Edward bothered to notice. "Yes, and it's all waiting for his instructions or pick up," I replied indifferently. "Oh and don't go looking for old files on the computers, a new program has been installed. You won't make it far."

Carlisle stared at me for a moment and I only smiled back. "Have you heard from him?"

"Not yet."

A low humming from the human upstairs brought all of our attention toward the direction she was now walking. "What is that song?" Edward asked.

"Barton Hallow," Emmett answered with a shake to his voice. "It's sung by The Civil Wars."

I chuckled and leaned back farther into my chair as Bella made her way downstairs and into the kitchen area. She snapped one picture of us all before shutting the camera off and handing it to me.

"What are you doing with a camera, Bella?" Edward asked filled with confusion.

She shrugged and put her hand on my shoulder. "Hello, Eddie. Beautiful night isn't it? I'm feeling fine. A little tired, not at all hungry and a bit excited. Thanks for asking," she replied sarcastically. Edward stood up, his hands slamming down on the table as he glared at her. She didn't even shy away but instead stood taller and glared right back. "Sit down, Edward. You're making a scene. Heaven forbid that happens here in this little haven of comfort."

"What has gotten into you?" he growled through clenched teeth.

Another little indifferent shrug fell from her delicate shoulders. "Nothing has technically been in me, unless you include someone..." she let that trail off and I held back the laughter at Edward's face. "No, not Peter, Edward. God, what is wrong with you? Can't handle a little humour?"

"The camera?" Edward asked again.

"I'm preserving my humanity. You should see the little snippet I had for you." There was that sickening sweet smile again as she lifted her hand and stuck out her middle finger to him. "It was something like this."

"Bella," he warned. None of the rest said anything because they were all stuck in different phases of shock, awe and a general 'what the fuck'.

I stood up from my position as well, deciding maybe she had pushed his buttons a little too far. "You should sit down Edward; you're starting to look like a General or something, dictating commands and shoving orders. To an army that's okay, to me, it's just abuse," Bella said.

Once he sat down, my phone rang. I shot a warning glace at them all as I read who the caller was. I took off outside, to a hearing range where I could hear them but at low volumes, they wouldn't hear me.

My heart warmed as I thought of my mate on the other end, thanking whoever that she was okay. "Char?"

"No, Jasper," came his response and I still managed to sigh in relief. "I just passed the border. I'm maybe a five minute run away."

"Where is Char?" I needed to know she was still okay.

"Perfectly safe and fine. Probably back at the cabin by now. Trust me, Peter," he growled.

I wanted to, but sometimes with Jasper, it was better to take him with a grain of salt.

"Fine. You should see the tizzy they are in," I said thrilled. "Except Bella, she's almost excited. No wonder you mated with her. Spitfire, Jas. Seriously."

He chuckled. "I know. They are staying away from her then?"

"Yeah. 'Cause she sticks to my side like white on rice."

"I wouldn't have it any other way while I'm not there."

"I know," I replied before hanging up the phone as another argument had started within the house.

I made it back in the house just in time to see Emmett landing a solid punch to Edward's jaw. "I said keep your fucking mouth shut, Edward," Emmett snarled.

Bella giggled in the corner and shrugged at me when I sent her a questioning glance. She turned to the rest and smiled, twirling the camera I had left on the table in her hands. "See, you shouldn't pry Eddie, it's rude." She opened the screen and pressed the view button, flicking through a couple of pictures before she pouted and looked up. "It's a little saddening."

"What is?" I asked.

"Well, you wouldn't understand, Peter," she replied. "But they might."

Alice shook her head and sat down at the table again. "What?" Edward growled at Bella. "What could we possibly understand that Peter doesn't?"

"Well," Bella drawled. "I'm pretty sure I'm not the only dead man walking in this room, and by dead, I don't mean without a heartbeat and blood. Do you get me, hm?"

I couldn't help but laugh as both Alice and Edward flashed out of the room together, bolting outside where I knew they wouldn't get too far.

"Jasper is almost here," I filled them all in quickly. "So we should make a move on outside. I'm sure he's got news to spare."

Bella sighed and tossed me the camera. "It's about time, this was growing old."

"Tell me about it," I agreed.

...

I watched her square her shoulders against Jasper's body, just as she had faced me earlier, and then Edward before. I couldn't help but smile and feel a little proud of the girl. She certainly deserved her words.

"You both lose," she grinned.

Jasper gripped her hips and moved her behind him before turning to nod at me and then face the two he looked ready to kill. "Funny, how your little plans didn't work out how you had planned," he said. "Of course, that's all in how you look at it, isn't it, Alice?"

I couldn't help but notice the shock and confusion that filled nearly all of them. I was still transfixed on the Bella and Jasper show, observing my brother in a way I had never been graced the privilege before. His eyes stayed trained on her, even when he spoke to someone else. His body, slightly turned away, was still partially facing hers as well. He was being protective, caring, careful... and every inch on his self stood the warrior they hadn't ever had the chance to know. Not yet.

And of course, Jasper was making his own little show for everyone in the vicinity to see. He was taking what was his, and someone had done him very wrong by making the mistake of trying to covet her when she wasn't for the taking.

"We should go in the house," Carlisle ordered, trying to get them all calmed enough to speak civilly. That wasn't about to happen and we all knew it.

Regardless, we all moved into the living room, Jasper keeping Bella close to his side as I walked behind them both. His fingers tapped against her back six times in a row, nothing but a movement to her, but something entirely different for me. I kept my mind away from it, not wanting the mind reader to hear.

He needed me to be the sideline, watching quietly, waiting to participate.

I couldn't help but notice how the confines of the room made the blood that covered parts of Jas' skin became intensified in scent. It helped that there was a lot of venom mixed in with it as well, but the thirst still flared and everyone's eyes turned a darker shade of gold or red.

"I see you haven't decided to keep our diet," Carlisle said as he turned to face Jasper.

He shrugged as water collected on one of his curls and a little pink droplet fell, hitting Bella's skin where her neck met her shoulder. She flinched at the sudden touch, but a little sigh escaped as Jasper's finger swooped across the splayed drop, smudging it up her neck and leaving a little pink trail behind.

"It was only temporary after all, I never gave you the impression otherwise, Carlisle," Jasper answered with a smirk.

His thumb continued the sweeping motion across Bella's neck, rubbing the blood and venom against her pulse point, almost as if to mask her scent in that one area. He leaned down, keeping his eyes on Edward and licked against the trail he'd created, earning a low hiss from Edward as a smirk replaced both Jas and Bella's features.

It became another rare glimpse for me that the rest probably didn't notice. Bella fell so easily into step with Jasper, knowing what he was doing without asking and preparing for what he expected without being told. And it wasn't because he was any better than she, no, not by a long shot. It was because she complimented him in every way she could just like he did her.

And I had seen two women stand at her place beside him before she had ever come; neither worth half the words I would take the time to spend on Isabella. Neither received the affection of his touch to be so soft, or the whisper of his words with a search of making sure that was okay on either side, or even the love for that matter. No, neither of the two women that came before her ever managed to pull out an ounce of the love she was pulling from him right then.

It was no surprise that the rest around us couldn't form words. Not only were they witnessing Jasper at his very best, but they were also seeing him at his truest as well; a rare look into the mind of someone who couldn't care less if they burned or lived. I was sure they had no idea the extent these two people were connected, even with the limit of time they had together, or the things that had still been left unsaid between them.

I had a feeling they didn't need words. You didn't when it came down to your mate. It was only them and no one else; Jasper was finally able to experience that and I was enthralled with the woman he had chosen for it to be.

Of course, she might have picked him too.

She was going to be _something else _when she was changed.

Jas stood up again, walking a circle around his mate before coming to a stop and clasping her jaw in his hand, rubbing that same thumb along her bottom lip. "Do me a favour, sugar. Go stand beside Peter for a bit while I _chat_, okay?"

She nodded and turned to the side, tilting her head back to look back at him.

"Play nice, Jas."


	20. Chapter 20

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those created for my plot, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 20: Chapter 20**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03. **

* * *

**Jasper POV**

I couldn't help but chuckle at Isabella's smartass comment. She was stirring the proverbial pot if you will; creating internal chaos through each person in the house.

"Mate?" Rosalie asked quietly, staring at Emmett but more asking the question as if it should have been only privately between them.

"Yes, mate," I answered, keeping my eyes locked on Isabella, reassuring myself I had done the right thing and was continuing to do so. "Something that a lot of you seemingly missed, me included."

"Mate." It was a collective phrase that came from six of the eight people. Two were solid, confirming; Peter and Isabella. Four were still trying to process what that could really mean; Emmett, Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle.

I sighed, aggravated. "Yes, mate," I ground out, dragging the word out as if I were speaking to four children. "M-A-T-E. Mate. As in mine, as in hers, as in together. Have we all allowed that to sink into our very limitless minds?"

"Jasper, son..." Carlisle started.

I chuckled and shook my head, turning to point a finger at him. "See, Carlisle. That shit needs to stop, right now. I am not your son nor have I ever been. The quicker you stop acting like a parent and more like the leader of a coven, if that's what you consider yourself, the smoother this will all go."

"You have been my son for over sixty years," Carlisle growled. "I welcomed you into my family with open arms."

"No, I have been a guest in your household. I have followed rules, diet and requests. I wore your crest as a symbol of my standing, _at the time_."As I spoke again, I unclasped the leather bracelet and tossed it into the unlit fireplace. "Let it burn because that's all it's really worth, Carlisle. Everything you've worked to build and create for yourself and these vampires is worth nothing more than ash."

"You've certainly indulged in what I've provided," he shot back.

I shrugged and moved toward a chair, sitting down and stretching my legs before looking back at my mate who was grinning tucked into Peter's side. Jealousy flared, a natural response but I smothered it regardless. There was a difference between jealousy and an obvious threat. Peter had a mate; he wasn't a threat in any regard to Isabella or myself.

"I've used what you provided to maintain the lifestyle you wanted us all to appear to have. Did you think I would waste my fortune on clothes costing thousands of dollars when all they would be was stained scraps from hunting, or shreds on the bedroom from by Alice's hands?" I felt anger before resentment took over, then replaced by a tiny bit of jealousy spike from my little human. I grimaced and turned my head to look at her again. Her eyebrow rose in question. "Sorry, the words hadn't meant to offend or hurt, Sugar, trust me."

She shrugged. "Natural reaction," she replied. "Please, continue."

"Yes, as I was saying. I wouldn't waste my funds on appearing as you demanded us to. My bike was bought with my cash. My personal possessions were bought with my cash. And anything else I deemed necessary by my individual want or discretion was bought by my cash. Houses, property, etcetera. Anything for here, anything you wanted me to have, or Alice for that matter, was bought by yours. So, did I really indulge, Carlisle? Or was it your wants and requests I indulged?" He stared at me, disappointment and anger filling him. "It's useless to feel that way, Carlisle. When you asked me sixty odd years ago if I was completely serious about following your standard of living and existing alongside your family, what did I answer with?"

Still, he said nothing so I waited patiently for him to make his calls and choices. "You told us that you were, until someone decided for you that this wasn't what you needed," Esme answered instead. "I assumed at the time you meant Alice, I can see now I was wrong."

I nodded and smiled at the woman. "And, Esme, have I ever referred to you as my mother, my keeper, or anything else of consequence?"

"No," she replied. "And maybe I should thank you for that; it reminded me of the grounds we both were on regarding one another. You know the respect I have for you, Jasper."

"And I to you," I murmured quietly. "To some extent."

"That is enough,' Carlisle hissed. "If leaving is what you wish, please do, but don't attempt to make a mockery out of my family while you do it."

Isabella laughed behind me but I didn't bother to turn around. "Family?" She asked with a high pitch. "Family. Is that what you call allowing your sons and daughters to do whatever they please with whomever they please?"

Carlisle looked at her exasperated. "They are adults, for the most part. They can choose what they please so long as it doesn't hurt our family or deviate them from our lifestyle."

"Well," I drawled. "Isn't it just a sad, sickening thought that two can't manage to stick to your diet for more than a decade? Of course, one you never knew of and the other, well, those were just 'slip ups'. Weren't they, Edward?' I asked, smirking at him while picking the dried blood from under my nails.

Emmett swallowed hard, taking a step further back and moving slightly behind his mate. He hadn't known what to expect from all of this, but there were things that I couldn't help but bring up. I wasn't about to let Carlisle out of this unscathed. He needed to accept his choices as they were, while the rest paid the fucking piper for turning their back on my mate or hurting her without thinking of what the consequences might be for their actions.

Edward snarled. "This little game of cat and mouse is getting ridiculous, Jasper. That little whore you've claimed as mate is nothing more than a nuisance and a way to spend another sixty years before you move on to something else."

For a fleeting second, I felt a fear of being unworthy fill my mate before it disappeared and was replaced by a sense of being upset or offended. I pulled that in, letting the growl build in my chest as Carlisle decided to scold his insubordinate son.

"Edward!" Carlisle admonished while the idiot boy tried unsuccessfully to look ashamed by his words. "That was uncalled for."

"Did you just call my mate a whore?" I asked, my words appearing calm but my tone laced with venom. When he said nothing, I continued. "Did you just refer to Isabella; a vampire's mated half, mine in fact, as a whore?"

"Yes," Edward spat. "Because that's exactly what she is."

I felt fear emanate from Isabella and that made me stand immediately. "Peter, would you mind taking her outside for a moment. Just a moment until she clears her head and can return without fearing whatever in the fuck she fears?" I heard his teeth clench and my mate stared at me, fire blazing in her eyes. "Do you need to collect yourself, or may I continue?"

She could hate me for this all she wanted. She could scream at me for embarrassing her, or shoving orders, or whatever else she wanted in private when no one was around to hear it. But right then, she was my mate. I didn't need her shying away or going feebly terrified at anything I said, did or would do. I needed an equal, even if she was a weaker species than me in that moment. When we were in private, she could scream and bitch and hate all she pleased, because it would be our life. And I would let her do it, because that was her right as my mate to demand her righted respects, but not then.

"You mistake my fear for something you caused," Isabella stated. "When in fact it wasn't you at all."

I turned to look at her, ignoring the movements of everyone else for a second. "I don't care if it was me, or them or the god damned sky. If you need a second to work through it, please do. If not, we're moving on because _right now_, Sugar, is _not the fuckin' time_."

She felt miffed for a second and I was sure I would hear about it later, or in the future but she got the point. I watched her nod before turning my attention back to Edward.

"Did you see that, Edward? That was me recognizing a problem with my mate and then giving her an option to fix it. I may have demanded that she fix it, but I gave her an option regardless. Do you see the difference between abusive control and an authoritative expectation between equals? Do you understand how later, when you have all disappeared, I won't be the one raging into her with all kind of expletives and cusses, putting her down and blackmailing her submission? Oh I'm sure she's pissed off, actually I can feel how very angry she is right now, and I'm also positive she's going to kick my ass nine ways to Sunday for that, but it's within her right to do so. But it's also my right to explain to her what I expect publicly, for the time being. So later, instead of abusing what I've gained from her by manipulating our relationship, I'll stand down while she tells me her expectations of me, her mate. Have I made the lines of clarification easy enough for you to understand, you insolent little boy?"

"I think we understand whose whore Bella really is," he replied dryly.

That pissed me off and I let it show on my features when I felt the hurt flow through my mate again at his words. He was three feet away from me, Alice by his side. I was positive she'd move if I lunged but I heard Isabella move and felt her hand press against my back as if to calm me.

"It's alright," she murmured.

I turned and her hand trailed across my side before resting on my stomach. I looked down at her and shook my head. "No, it's not. There are rules in the vampire community that we all follow to one extent or another. A good variety of those rules deal with the mate, especially a female mate of another. Considering you're not going to be human very much longer," I ignored the growls from Edward before continuing. "You should be made aware of these rules."

I tucked a stray curl around her ear before turning at a motion too fast for her to see or feel, made three steps across the room to Edward and slammed a closed fist into his right side jaw. He hadn't anticipated the move, nor had he heard it from my mind, considering my thoughts were focused on nothing more than the woman across the room. He dropped to the floor with a snarl, holding the concaved side of his jaw as he spit venom to the floor. The wood cracked and buckled with a resounding loud bang like thunder through the room.

I bent down on one knee, feeling those around me fill with shock, fear and appreciation. "Rules, Edward. We have them and we follow them. You are not exempt from that category because you're young, stupid, ill mannered, or sport golden eyes. Rules."

"Jas," Isabella said from close behind me, having realized what happened and moved to where I was.

"Let me finish," I stated quietly before turning my attention back to Edward. "You do not insult, offend, discriminate nor hurt another vampire's mate with words or unkind actions unless you wish to face consequences for it. Let me just make this clearer for you, if my mate should ever feel offended or insulted by you or anyone else again because of something like the word 'whore' being directed at her, I will not hesitate to rip out your tongue and feed it to wolves."

He opened his distorted jaw to speak but I slammed my fist into his face once more, effectively ruining whatever ability he had to speak for a few hours while it healed. He wouldn't last that long anyway. In a way though, I needed him unable to talk.

'_Did you get that, Edward? Her secrets are safe, because you can't tell them now. There was a point to all this,' _I thought to him. His eyes narrowed and I only smirked.

"Now, I'm sure Carlisle hadn't explained these rules and expectations to you, Edward, but they are pretty obvious wouldn't you think?" I asked sarcastically while shooting looks at the rest of them above us.

Edward scrambled from the floor, standing and holding onto his jaw while venom drooled from his mouth. Like humans, having our mouths or jaw injured caused a loss of function to our glands to some extent. He looked like a slobbering mess and I hoped the rest understood my standing in regards to how they should address my mate.

My mate stepped out from behind me, coming to stand beside me as she looked up at Edward through a hateful gaze. "Now that he's finished, let me make something clear. Jasper may call me whatever he wants. He may call me a nasty bitch, his wicked little whore, or Isabella if he prefers. They may call me Bella. You, Edward, may no longer refer to me at all."

My back stiffened at her words but I couldn't help the sly grin that crossed my features. Part of my brain was stuck in a 'holy shit' kind of mode while the other parts were functioning normally. The 'wicked little whore' dig couldn't really be ignored by the part of me that was screaming 'mate, mate, claim, claim'. I was a man after all. Basically stating my mate would be my wicked little whore implied thousands of things in my mind, one of which involved her bent over with me fisting her hair while I called her that exact phrase. I couldn't control my thoughts for a second so I let it wash its course through my brain before I swallowed the venom that had collected in my mouth.

Yeah, drooling was not beyond my capabilities when it came down to her.

Edward's eyes narrowed. Hearing my less than perfect thoughts and he lunged forward, making a stupid move at my mate. I felt the swish of her body being pulled backward away from me as she yelped in surprise at the speed. I didn't even need to move as Peter was already standing by my side, growling out a sound that would make any normal vampire quake in fear.

"Do not touch what does not belong to you," he snarled.

Isabella's heartbeat was slamming at an alarming rate but she wasn't scared. I had to give her credit for that. Peter's protective move hadn't fazed her in the slightest except to give her a slight adrenaline rush. Trust was something my brother must have gained easily from my mate; I was impressed.

"That's yet another rule that seems to be common sense is it not?" I asked quietly, turning to look at Carlisle as I said it. "Do not touch or take what was not yours to begin with if you were not invited or asked."

"I suggest you control your _son_," Peter spat at Carlisle. "Before I give him a quick lesson in what it's like to _learn _it. You won't like how we teach."

I hadn't missed the 'we' in Peter's words. I was sure the rest hadn't either. That was important for them to all know and Peter knew it too. They might be six vampires against two but we were stronger, faster and better. We, unlike them, were an actual united front. Where they would scramble to protect what mattered most, we would work together to protect each other. It was something they would never learn or be able to fully comprehend because their title of family had lost its meaning a long time ago. They'd lost the most important part of being a coven; loyalty.

Carlisle stepped in front of Edward, causing both Peter and I to take a step back. Peter, without me asking, took his previous place beside Isabella, making a cheeky comment about 'snapping Jas out of his daydream'. Apparently he had noticed my moment as well. I growled low, turning to glare at my brother but he only shrugged in response. Isabella winked; I groaned and shook my head.

Not the time. It was just not the time.

"Edward, I'm sure you're feeling an incredible amount of physical and emotional pain right now," Carlisle started softly. I couldn't help but scoff though I let him continue. I would have lots of time for enlightenment later. "Violence is not the way to solve this and I've taught you better than that."

Edward's eyes flickered to me and for a split second I felt guilt flood his emotions. Guilt, hatred, regret, anger and pain. It made my mind stop in its tracks for a moment as I allowed that to process. What would he feel guilty for? He had nothing to lose really, nothing to gain either, not anymore.

I couldn't help but stare at Carlisle and Edward, both looking at each other and having one of those silent conversations that only they really could as they had done it for so long and it seemingly became second nature to them. Carlisle touched his son's jaw and Edward flinched, turning his head away and spitting venom down to the floor again. His gaze flickered to me again and I couldn't help but see the human boy he'd once been.

It pissed me off. I didn't want to feel compassion or concern for any of them. I wanted it finished and done. I wanted fire, burning and ash. I wanted them to feel pain, regret and finally burn. I didn't want to _care_.

'_You don't want to disappoint him,' _I thought to Edward. Another flinch crossed his features and I knew I hit the right mark. _'It's too bad that you won't get to apologize then, for all you've hidden and lied about. It's going to kill him inside but maybe he'll finally become what he needs to be for his mate. You've selfishly added to his hopes and wants for a life that isn't possible when it's created on nothing more than deceit and regret. You've put every one of us in a position, because of a jealous act, where danger and punishment is very likely possibility.' _

I knew those around us were watching my silent exchange with Edward, but I couldn't care less right then. I had things that needed to be said and I wasn't about to stop to give them an explanation.

'_You thought you knew who your allies were and which enemies you should watch. That was an irreversible error on your part. Alice, Edward. She was my wife for sixty five years, as long as they were, she still stood loyally by my side no matter what that would or could cost her in this life or in others eyes. Tell me that doesn't scream allegiance and devotion to you? Protection, Edward. It was all she wanted. Oh yes, she's manipulated, used and lied her way into a situation where her fate has already been decided, but she never hurt me, not when you really stop to think about it. She's given me one of the best gifts of my existence, but I'll never tell her that.' _

More guilt and regret flooded him as his eyes closed. But I wasn't done just yet.

'_You knowingly coveted my mate; you abused her, took away her free will and manipulated her life by using a _child's life _against her. How dare you? What creature gave you permission to play God with my mate? My mate, Edward! Did you think I would die in all this? That my being would cease to exist and you could spend another century moulding the perfect person to fit your lifestyle and wants? She wasn't yours to take, Edward, and she certainly wasn't yours to hurt.'_

Remorse.

'_Liar. You're the perfect little actor, the perfect little Cullen child aren't you? The only thing you regret is not having done it differently. The only thing you feel remorse for is what you know will come and possibly all the pain you've caused Carlisle. It must be hard for you to think not only have you failed with one father, but two.' _

That struck a nerve and he lunged for me again, obviously having not learned his lesson during his last attempts. Carlisle rushed his side, taking most of the impact as Edward tried to snarl though it came out as a gargled sound as venom flew. Edward shoved Carlisle off, nodding at whatever he was thinking while I only smirked.

'_I won't kill you, Edward,' _I thought, giving him my second to final words. Hope filled him and I grinned evilly. _'I said _I _wouldn't kill you. That doesn't mean you won't die. Who in this room needs you dead more than me?' _his eyes flickered to Emmett, the one person who had been effected by Edward's actions just as much as I had, if not more. _'Exactly, little boy.'_

"I think you should leave now, Jasper," Carlisle murmured.

"I'm not finished yet," I said with a look in Emmett's direction. "Edward needs to answer for his wrongs, as do others in this room." I felt a magnitude of fear and confusion from every person in the room minus two. "Shall we begin then?"

"What wrongs?' Carlisle roared as I turned my gaze on him. "Obviously you've mated with Bella, I think we all understand and see that, but other than that, we have nothing left to speak about."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "You'd make an excellent leader, you know. If you weren't so misguided in what you think you know to what is reality." I frowned in Esme's direction before continuing. "There isn't anything in this world that I wouldn't give up for my mate, Carlisle. I'd move heaven and hell to give her anything she desired. I'd slaughter everything with a heartbeat to feed her before I`d ever drink a drop. And I would stop at nothing to destroy anything or anyone who wished to harm a single molecule of her being. Do you understand that?"

He looked at his mate with a smile but she was staring at me, her teeth clenched and eyes black. "Of course I do," Carlisle answered when he looked back.

"I don't think you do," I replied. "Alice?"

"Yes," she whispered barley above a human's level of hearing.

"Start talking, right now," I ordered.

"Jas," she pleaded.

"Do not call him that," my mate snapped from behind me. "Just don't."

Alice snarled in her direction before I slammed my hands down on the coffee table, letting a feral roar escape me as a warning. "Do not speak nor acknowledge my mate, Alice. Do not threaten her. I will burn you if you do it again. Now, start fuckin' talking before I force you to," I ground out.

"What do you want me to say?" she screamed. "What?"

"Tell them what you did, with Edward, with the Volturi. Tell them what you've cost them," I murmured in a softer tone, feeling all their eyes land on me as I stared at the woman who I had once protected and loved, in my own way. "Tell them or I will."

"I did nothing," she hissed.

"You lying little bitch," Emmett roared before he made a lunge for her tiny frame. Alice dodged his attack easily before Rosalie stepped in to calm him down. His words didn't stop flowing though, his anger over taking him completely as he let loose. "You stupid, ignorant bitch. You informed them. You and he _informed _them! They'll kill me when they know; they'll kill anyone who has helped me. They will kill them, you selfish cunt. How long did you know? How long did you know about them? Have you seen them? Tracked them down? Did you give the Volturi notice of them as well?"

"Emmett?" Rosalie asked, taking her hands off her mate's arms as she took a step back. "What are you talking about?

Regret, hate, fear and love filled Emmett as he turned to look at his mate with venom tears filing his eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby. Rosie, listen to me explain for a moment."

"Explain what? What the fuck are you talking about?" She asked, panic and fear overwhelming her as her voice shook with the emotions.

"He's talking about the family he's kept hidden from you for years," Alice replied scathingly.

"What?" Rose muttered. "No, that doesn't make sense. There is no family, except old relatives. No, no. What in the hell is she talking about."

I moved backwards slowly until I felt my mate's fingers grip into the material of my shirt. Even with Peter standing there, I felt the need to be as close as I possibly could be to my mate.

"That is enough!" Carlisle shouted.

"Shut up," Emmett hissed at him. "And you," he roared, turning to face Alice again. "You're nothing more than a jealous, vindictive bitch. What, Alice? Did I have something you didn't and you couldn't handle that? Something from the past, something to remember?" That was a low blow but Emmett didn't realize Alice hadn't really forgotten her past, that was just yet another lie she'd created to hide whatever it was that she had to hide, James for instance. "You've wrote my death sentence. What did I ever do to you that earned me that?"

"Emmett," Rosalie whispered brokenly, venom filing her eyes as a distinct feeling of being betrayed settled into her emotions. "What have you done?"

"Nothing, Rosie, nothing I promise," he replied, shooting me a look that begged for help but I only shook my head in response. Emmett had made his bed and now he had to lay in it.

"Why are you lying to me?" She hissed.

"I'm not."

"He is," Alice chimed.

"Shut up," Emmett snarled. "Alice, just shut the fuck up!"

"Emmett!" Rosalie screamed. "Tell me."

"Oh, and don't forget to mention all those humans you've been fucking and feeding from," Alice chirped happily.

Isabella clenched into my shirt tighter but she felt no fear. I was so fuckin' proud of my mate right then. I had barely needed to do anything and they were all going to bring themselves down one by one, that's how weak their _family _had really been. I just needed to make sure those who deserved to burn did so before I got her the fuck out of dodge.

"It's okay," I murmured to her.

"I know," she replied simply before unclenching her hands and pressing her palms into my back. I only felt relief flowing through her emotions. "I know."

"Oh my God," Rose cried, backing away from her mate who was now reaching to her with outstretched arms. "Emmett, tell me you didn't. Tell you haven't been doing _that _again!"

"Please, baby, just listen to me," he begged.

"Oh that and so much more," Alice murmured.

Edward had moved behind Carlisle and Esme who were standing stoic watching their children in a shock induced state. Rosalie was gripping at her hair with one hand and holding out her other as if to keep Emmett from coming any closer.

"You disgust me, Emmett. How could you do that to me?"

"Rosie..." He started but as Alice opened her mouth to speak again, he turned to her with black eyes instead. "You bitch. You've ruined everything. You want to point fingers and play games, littler girl, let's fucking play. Let's start with Edward and how you drag him about, playing into his sick little needs and luring those human girls in for him to 'slip up'. What, didn't think I knew about that, sister?" Emmett asked at her shocked face.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked, turning to look at his son who turned his face away ashamed.

Emmett continued, "Or how about Esme? The little maid quips were cute until they became the truth. You couldn't even treat her with respect but instead acted as if you were a queen and she was nothing more than a servant born and created to serve you."

"Stop it," Alice hissed.

"It's not fun when the shoe is on the other foot, is it? What about Carlisle? 'Oh daddy, Esme's so sad right now, but she says it's okay for you to work that double shift because she understands how very important the humans are to you'," he mocked Alice's voice, sneering as he did so. "How many times did you manipulate Carlisle and Esme's life to fit whatever you had going on at the time? How many games have you played with Carlisle's daily choices? You should have known better, Alice. You should have known better than to play God with another man's mate," Emmett stated. "No one gave you that right."

I felt the highest level of rage that I had felt since I walked into the house slam into me. Esme was breathing deeply, a low growl building before she let a raw, choked sob leave her throat.

"How dare you?" Esme screeched. "All I've given you, everything I've told you!" Her every word was directed at Alice but she was staring at Carlisle as well. "I've treated you with the upmost respect, as if you were my own child."

Alice scoffed. "Please, Esme. Don't act like you wanted this. We all know that isn't true."

I swallowed venom and shot a look in Esme's direction. Really, other than Peter and my mate, she was the only person I hoped got out of this unscathed, for the most part.

"Esme? What is she saying?" Carlisle asked.

"Leave me alone, Carlisle," Esme snapped at him, moving out of his arms reach to face Alice even more. "You've lived under my roof, spent my money and I treated you like a little princess. And somewhere along the line, you've manipulated my mate, when you knew I needed him the most, because it was nothing more than a fun little game for you?"

"Esme," Carlisle said again.

"I said leave me alone!"

"Yes, Esme, push him away again," Alice laughed. "Because I may have manipulated here and there, but woman, you've stirred that pot better than I ever could when it came right down to it."

A broken scream left the lips of Esme before she lunged at Alice with a force that shook the foundation of the house. My arms reached back to hold onto my mate as Alice skipped lithely out of the way of Esme's form. Carlisle reached out for his mate, pulling her snarling mass back to his side as he shushed her quietly. It was pointless really. Emmett was begging a sobbing Rosalie for patience and privacy but nothing was working. Peter was chuckling beside me as he took in the mess that had been created while I watched them all silently.

"I hate you," Esme roared, pushing Carlisle away and I closed my eyes at those words. Pain filled every inch of his being and it was a near overwhelming sensation as it pounded into me. "I hate you for this, for everything. Look at what you've done!"

"What I have done?" He asked at the same level. "What have I done? I've given you everything you've asked for. I've loved you with everything I have!"

For the first time since Emmet had begun, I spoke. "Have you really, Carlisle? Have you truly given her everything that you could?"

"Yes," he whispered while still looking at his mate.

"How could you, when half of you was stuck in a place trying to make up for something you couldn't control all these years? Creating this perfect little family, building a life while taking care of others. How much of you was really with her when nearly all of you has been invested in everything else?" I asked.

"Keep out of this," Carlisle snarled instead of answering.

"He's right," Esme barked. She waved her arms around at everything that surrounded us. "All of this has been first, Carlisle. "It's always came first."

Alice was grinning from her perch on a stand in the corner of the room as she surveyed her chaos. "Perfect," she muttered to herself. I let my mind wander, thinking of the thousand different ways I could kill the little bitch for what she had allowed Edward to do to Isabella. Her eyes found mine, flickering from visions at my decisions. I smirked and she only raised her eyebrow in challenge.

"You wanted this!" He cried to her. "You asked for this. When I refused something you pushed for it. You helped me build this. You've never complained. How was I to know?"

"Because I am your mate," she screamed back at him.

"I am only a man, Esme. I only know what you tell me," he replied brokenly.

"Rosie, no don't leave," Emmett cried, bringing everyone's attention back to them for the moment. "Please!"

"Leave me alone, Emmett. Go away, stop touching me!" She sobbed again. "A family. Everything else is inconsequential but you hid a family from me for years! A child, you had a child and you've hid them from me! Was I not good enough? Is that it?"

"No, baby, never. Please just listen to me," he begged.

Rosalie's form was nothing but a swish of blonde hair as she swept out of the porch doors, leaving a very hurt and angry Emmett behind. I braced myself for his rage, thinking he would turn it on me, but he didn't. I felt fear fill Edward as Emmett turned to look at him, eyes black and blazing with hate.

"I'm going to kill you for this," he snarled at Edward. "If it's the last fucking thing I do to make them safe, I will kill you for this."

"Violence is not necessary," Carlisle said, trying yet again to defuse an already lit fire.

"Step back, Carlisle," Esme ordered, looking back at Edward with distain. "Edward and Alice have done wrong; they need to answer for that."

"Kwewase," Edward mumbled through his broken jaw.

"Esme, he is your son," Carlisle said shocked.

She turned back to look at Alice, hatred filling her every molecule. "They have never been my children. My child died and they could never replace the beauty that he was. Let them answer for their wrong doings, Carlisle. It's called justice. You want to preach about fairness and do good in your life, this, Carlisle, is good."

"No, it's not," he growled, desperately trying to hang onto whatever sanctity he thought he held within his family. "Esme, they are my children."

"You are not their father and I am not their mother. Let them burn for what they've done," she replied before launching herself at Alice who instead of dodging another attack, smiled and pounced right back.

"Oh God," Isabella whispered from behind me.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those I have created, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 21: Chapter 21**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03.**

**Emmett POV**

I had turned my back for only a split second; long enough to watch my mate's form run through the tree line. It was just like that. It was just that easy. I'd lost it all in a matter of seconds, like it was nothing at all. Like nothing that came before ever happened. Like words, rings and vows were useless. As if we hadn't overcome worse. As if she didn't have her own secrets and lies to hide.

Just like I didn't exist.

In that split second before Alice's tiny form slammed into my back from Esme's blow, my heart had shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, splintering as it hit the floor like a glass shattering on cement. Because as I watched her run away, it validated all I ever knew and everything I had ever thought.

I'd never be good enough for her. Nothing I would ever do would be enough to give her what she wanted. There weren't enough words in all the languages in the world that could fix the mess I had created and I knew no apology would be worth the pain regardless. She may have loved me, all she thought she knew and had but she never loved any further than what she had to. It was her life and I just existed in it. But it was my life and she was only running half of it. I was nothing more than a reminder, something she could hold onto while she wished for all I couldn't give her. She was my life while I did all I could to protect her from the truth of it.

In that split fucking second, I couldn't help but realize I was nothing more than just the poison that had killed an already delicate and dying flower; it was killing me too. Because you see, as deadly as my lies were, I still lived them too, I existed every day watching over my shoulder, hiding what I could and faking it so no one would know.

I just didn't hide it well enough. Because I certainly wasn't good enough. No, I certainly didn't deserve enough.

Even I knew that. Even I knew I would burn for this. I couldn't help but want it considering I'd lived knowing I would hurt her someday and because of all this, I'd kill her someday too. I deserved nothing more than this and I fucking knew it.

'Everything else is inconsequential' she had said.

That was a lie and even I knew it. Nothing was just simply inconsequential when it came down to Rosalie. Everything was exaggerated and dramatized. Nothing was easy and simple. No, there hadn't been a golden paved road for either of us and it surely wasn't going to start now.

I'd shamed and embarrassed my wife more than anyone else ever could or would. Even the men who used her body, broke her spirit, ripped her heart out and left her for dead hadn't shamed her or hurt her the way I had. It made me sick to my stomach because it was the truth. I was the man who'd promised to devote all of me to her. I was the being who'd been found by the angel and given a second chance before God stepped in and gave me my third with her. I was the person who despite it all hurt her the most.

I was the vampire, her mated half, who'd broken her again. I'd cheated and lied. I'd coveted what she wanted. I had what she didn't. I had what she couldn't give me.

No, nothing was ever just a simple 'I'll love you forever' when forever was only for the moment in which you lived. Forever wouldn't happen when it was easier to lie than it was to exist. Forever couldn't be when my mate only knew one thing; running.

And it had been easier to lie. All these years I gave her exactly what she wanted, who she thought she wanted and nothing more. I loved her with all I had to give but it wasn't very much when it came right down to it. The truth hurt and it left scars that would be irreparable, gaping and bleeding for eternity. I'd caused that hurt but I let my heart break because despite it all, I had still loved that woman who was running away.

If I deserved nothing else, I did deserve to hurt. If I received nothing else, I wanted the pain. If I couldn't have her, I wanted nothing else. So I let it break. I let it tear. And I let it shatter because that's what my lies had earned me but at least I wasn't naive enough not to know it. Sometime between a phone call and spilled secrets, I'd realized I had earned every hit I was about to take and I was a man enough to stand up and take it as I should.

I just hadn't thought it would hurt this bad to do it.

As soon as the thoughts left my mind, I felt what seemed like a thousand pounds slam into my back, pushing both our bodies directly out the glass window. I tried gaining footing on something to catch my balance but instead felt like tumbleweed rocked by the wind's momentum.

"What the fuck?" I roared, kicking a snarling Alice off my chest.

She didn't even turn to look at me, instead running back through the shattered glass doors and directly at a waiting Esme on the other side.

"Fuck! Peter, run a tight perimeter around the forest," I heard Jasper mutter. "None of them leave. I'll yell if I need you."

I still wasn't one hundred percent sure on what to think about Jasper right then. Hell, I wasn't even sure what I felt about him. I'd considered him a friend and ally for longer than I cared to remember. I considered him a brother even though nothing biological connected us as such. In all honesty, I knew he'd caused every second of this in his own way. Somehow he'd managed to get inside everyone's lives and minds before turning each and every one of us against the other. But he'd helped me, more times than I could count. He'd stepped in and saved my ass when I didn't have the will to do it myself.

And if I knew Jasper like he'd allowed me to, I knew there was no way in hell he would ever do something like this if he didn't think it was necessary. He'd warned me in a way. During that call he'd told me to prepare. I'd tried, with shaking hands I made phone calls that would liquidate assets into offshore accounts in names that have never been nor ever would be associated with me or any member of my family. He'd given me time to create new, fresh identities for them; they could hide and be safe for as long as he allowed.

Oh yeah, Jasper did nothing without reason and I had the distinct feeling he was hiding something huge too. But unlike me, he knew where to draw his lines in the sand and never once would he cross them. Weakness was not in his character and I didn't plan on dragging him down with me.

But I did have choices to make. I did have things still left undone and unsaid. I wasn't finished yet, not by a long shot.

I was up on my feet and slamming through the broken doors just long enough to see Peter slipping out, Jasper pinning Bella from behind him, and Esme letting loose a feral roar that made the windows shake before she pounced at Alice again. The floor shook when they connected, perfect wooden boards splintering and breaking as they hit each one. A bite here and snarls there, I figured one of the two women wouldn't be coming out of that one.

"Esme!" Carlisle yelled. "Stop it!"

Edward was slipping off to the other side of the room, thinking he was going unnoticed by the rest of us. My eyes met Jasper's and I quirked my eyebrow as if to ask 'yours or mine?' He smirked and shrugged, nodding backward toward his newly found mate as if that explained it all. And it did, that was a lesson I, as well as some other men in our family should have learned a long time ago. They came first, no matter what. You protected them before yourself, and I thought I had been doing that. I'd been wrong.

'I owe you,' he mouthed.

'Thanks' I mouthed back.

Our exchange hadn't gone completely over Edward who was now staring at me with black eyes as I sneered in response. "Run," I growled and he took off like a bullet.

Alice skidded on her side beside me, looking up from her crouch at me to wink. I snarled in response, hating her nearly as much as I did the coward running from the house. But she would get hers, and I knew that. If Jas had anything to do with it, Alice wouldn't make it out of this one alive. So I'd take Edward, not for what he'd done to me but for everything he'd done before as well. He'd hurt a man I'd respected deeply for being able to keep his will and purpose when mine fell apart. He used a woman's love against her and abused her as though he thought he had a right. He had opened my family up to a possible death sentence should they ever be found. Above all else, he had disrespected and hurt my mate when she was new to this life and in deep search of finding a place she belonged. Edward looked down on her because of someone else's choice to rape and abuse my beautiful wife. Oh I didn't plan on letting him live, so he could run all he wanted because there wasn't a place on this earth that could hide him well enough from me.

No, I'd find him. Then I'd rip him to shreds and I'd burn him first. Because hell would freeze over before I let him live another day beyond my own life. God owed me that much.

I turned and ran out the way I had come back in, knowing Edward was the fastest and I needed that little bit of an edge and I wasn't sure which way to take. As I hit his scent in the woods, I crisscrossed Peter's as well, ignoring it and continuing, zipping past trees at blinding speeds.

"Keep running, Edward, it's only going to prolong this," I yelled into the air. "I told you I would end you, I keep my promises."

Before long I realized his pattern. He was zipping along the treaty lines, barely crossing the borders before he was back on Cullen land again. I could sense the wolves even though I couldn't see them but I also knew they trusted me a hell of a lot more than they did Edward and I was positive they'd just heard every single word I had said. Two miles in was a spot we called No Man's Land between both territories. There was a small brook at the other side but crossing it put me directly on their land though the water would mask my scent for those few short seconds I needed.

I could hear his footfalls, zipping through the trees like I was, breaths pushing in and out at a fast pace even though he didn't need to.

He was terrified. "You should be scared," I snarled, keeping my thoughts directed on the instinctual nature my brain was forming.

I switched paths, leaving his trail behind as I hit No Man's Land and the scent of the wolves became even stronger. "Please don't kill me for this," I muttered to myself as I hit the water, landing up to my waist in water and coming right back out on Quileute territory.

The mood around me shifted almost immediately and I took off running, knowing I had at least three wolves hot on my heels. They might trust me, but that didn't mean they wanted me on their land any more than I wanted them sitting at my kitchen table. Deep growls and snarls mixed with teeth snapping sounded directly behind me and I felt a breath trickle across my neck.

"Jesus," I hissed, pushing my legs faster, gaining that extra time I needed that Edward hadn't realized I took.

I turned right hard, seeing Edward slip into No Man's Land about fifty feet away once again, encroaching on Quileute territory. I couldn't figure out if he was trying to get me killed by doing it or himself. It didn't matter, because as I crossed back onto No Man's Land, his eyes met mine and he knew, he just fucking knew. He was done.

Both our granite bodies slammed together, fuelling the growls and snarls from the wolves as they howled into the air around us. My hands grabbed and clutched onto whatever they could, ripping and tearing as I bit down into his skin again and again, ripping chucks of his flesh out with every bit I took. He was already weak, his jaw broken and there wasn't much of a fight that he could put up against me. Any bites he tried to land on my skin were nothing but awkward scratches. Even his growls were pathetic and useless.

"You were always faster but I was stronger," I snarled, slamming my fist into his face and breaking off a piece of his nose. "You don't need speed when you've got a little brain to use."

I grabbed onto his head, slamming it into the earth below him again and again. Even though it made no difference, it was more for show than anything else. "You're a selfish bastard, you know?" I hissed out though slams. His mangled fingers tore at my shirt but his strength had dissipated quickly. "You used my family as a game. You used us all as pawns. I hope you burn in fucking hell for eternity while the devil plays all those same little games with you."

Without another word, my hands and teeth tore into his flesh again, drawing out his venom before I spat it in his face, ripping his skin apart slowly while I relished in every single fucking gargled scream he let loose. I couldn't help the sick sadistic smile that crept over my face when nothing was left but shards of skin hanging from his neck and face. His pieces twitched; eyes opened wide in pain and terror.

"You are nothing but an idiot, Edward. You take what isn't yours to take. You abuse without right. You manipulate and connive." I chuckled, knowing he was hearing every word of this and probably screaming in his mind for death. "Funny thing is, I'm a selfish bastard too. I always have been. I took what I wanted and I kept it. I didn't care about anything else but me and I wouldn't change a damn second of it. You weren't good enough for the games you played but I sure fucking was. I won, Edward. Even if I die today, I still won. I hope that fucking kills you to know it."

I watched his eyes dilate, completely black now as most of his venom was covering the ground like spilled blood. It smelled horrid to me, the taste in my mouth making me want to gag.

"That's right, I'm a selfish asshole. I probably deserve to burn even more than you do but I'll make that choice for me and for my grandkids, not because someone else made it for me."

"Oh God, Emmett. What did you do?" Rosalie asked from above me.

My mouth dropped open and I swallowed the venom in my mouth. "Rosalie," I breathed. "You came back". I pushed up away from Edward's pieces, brushing myself off and moving toward my mate.

I noticed then, that three wolves had in fact surrounded the area, staying in the No Man Land section as they watched our exchange. One was staring at the pieces that used to be Edward and I dug into my pants pocket, bringing out my Father's Zippo I'd held onto for decades. I flicked the cover open, hitting the dial and watching the flint light. My arm instinctively reached out to push Rosalie back but she had already moved away from me again. I couldn't help but flinch at that realization. She still didn't want me near her really. I dropped the lighter, stepping back before it even hit the ground and I choked off a sob as I realized my family was going to be safe now.

I needed to address the wolves and I knew it, so I sucked back the air and looked to them. "I apologize, for crossing onto your lands. It won't happen again, that I can guarantee." The russet wolf jerked his head toward the flames and let loose a high pitch howl. "He won't be the only one," I murmured before turning back to my wife.

"I came back for you to explain, to give you this and then say goodbye," she sobbed as she pulled off her wedding band and placed it into my outstretched palm. How had I known this was what she would do? "I heard everything and I still can't understand why you would do this and just be so _whatever _about it. How can you just not care? Everything you've hid from me? All you've done to me? Why, Emmett?"

"I'm sorry," I whimpered.

"You betrayed me. Not once, Emmett, but many times over. How could you do that to me?" She screeched.

"I... It wasn't... fuck," I mumbled against my palm.

"I can't say I'll ever forgive you for this," she whispered. "How am I supposed to forgive you for this?" Her voice had risen to a yell again. She was at her breaking point and I knew it. "You knew you would die for this, didn't you? You said you kept it from me for protection? _Protection_? Why use a ruse, Emmett? Why lie? I'd have kept your precious secrets. I'd have loved them just as much as you. Selfish bastard doesn't begin to describe what you are."

I swallowed my pride for a moment considering everything else that I had left was gone as well, or it would be soon enough. "You're right, Rose; I'm a selfish bastard that doesn't deserve the life I live. Despite what you think, I did only keep them from you to protect you. I knew what I was doing and I knew how much that would hurt you if you knew but I did it regardless because if I had to die for them, I didn't want you to die too. And for everything else I did, every woman I hid, every moment I had when it wasn't you, there is nothing I can say to fix that."

"Was I not good enough, is that it?"

"No, no, never, Rose. I just... the game was like a drug. You can't stop when everything you associate with it is blood and sex. The rush you get by making them bleed but they never know. The taste at its height of ecstasy. I can't explain it and I never should have started it. I felt like it was one of the only things I had control of in this life, like it was the only thing I could decide for without waiting for confirmation or permission," I tried to explain. In reality I knew it wasn't helping. "You didn't deserve this. You didn't deserve the pain I've caused, the humiliation I've brought on. You deserved better than me, so much more than I ever gave you. You were my red in a world of black. I was a wolf in sheep's clothing waiting for your back to turn. I know all you've been through makes you so much better than me; you're so much more worthy that I will ever be."

"You knew, all this time you had to know this would end, Emmett. What of your family now? Were they worth this now? Was I?" She screamed, eyes darkening with anger and hate. It killed me that I caused that.

"Yeah, every second of it was more than worth it," I replied quietly. "Every fucking second."

"I hate you. And that kills me because I love you. How can I love you when you do this? When you can't even love me enough to give me that? What am I supposed to do now? You're all I've ever known."

"I know and I don't know what to say anymore," I whispered with a shake of my head.

"The Volturi will kill you," she said in a voice above a breath before a sob ripped through her chest and I winced at the sound. "They'll _kill you_! What the hell am I supposed to do now, Emmett? Watch you die? Listen to you scream? How is that okay with you? I can't even forgive you and let you go and you want me to let you _die _because you wanted something you shouldn't have had?"

"Don't," I muttered quickly. "Don't ever forgive me, Rosalie, because giving me that gift would only make me even more worthless. I'm not worthy enough to stand by your side, I never have been and I never will be. I'll burn for them baby, but I'm gonna burn for you too. I'm gonna burn for everything I've ever done to you and sweetheart, you beautifully broken angel, I'm gonna love that pain."

"I hate you," she cried. "You had everything I needed and you didn't love me enough to share it with me. All these years I've cried to you about a life, children or having a family. And you had your own in God knows where just waiting for your visit. How could you do that to me?"

"I'm sorry..."

"That's not good enough, Emmett! Sorry isn't good enough for me anymore!" She screamed back.

"Nothing I ever would have done could have ever been enough, Rose, because I wasn't willing to give it up. That doesn't mean I loved you any less, it just means I was too selfish to try. I never wanted to try."

She didn't have time to respond because the wind blew in from the left, carrying a scent I'd recognize anywhere. Everything went silent around us in those seconds and my head whipped in that direction, zooming through the trees to try and glimpse what I might have smelled. I could see it, just barely over the tops of the trees. Black thick smoke and flickers of embers lit up a darkened sky.

"Oh my God," Rose croaked from behind me. "What the hell?"

I took off running, leaving a still burning Edward, the wolves and a trailing Rosalie behind me. I made it back to the property in quicker time than I had ever managed before. When I broke through the tree line, two forms crashed through the side of the upstairs of the house, tumbling down to the ground as fire escaped the hole they'd just created.

"Carlisle, Esme," Rose said quietly. "Are they okay?"

I watched them for a minute, the man I'd called father stared at the house in shock, whispering again and again 'my home, it's all gone, you've destroyed it' as Esme's shoulders shook uncontrollably. At first glance, it looked as though she was sobbing, but the closer I got the louder her noise became.

She was _laughing_. She was breaking down. She was giving in. Finally.

"Jesus Christ," I mumbled as I watched the flames eat away at the house.

Peter flashed out from the other side of the property, staring at the flames with as much awe and fear in his eyes as mine was. Where were Jasper and Bella? Alice? Were they burning too?

"No," Peter growled loud, his head turning in the left direction quickly.

Whatever he was hearing was hitting him quicker than it was me. He took off running like a bat out of hell and I turned to look at my mate as she hit the ground with her knees, watching the flames eat away all we had left. How ironic it really was. I opened my palm and looked down at the ring in my hand, an inscription staring out at me.

_'Eternity is nothing more than a breath, a smile, a kiss, but it's your air, your sun and your love.' _

Never enough. We would never have been enough.

My head turned back to the flames and then I heard it; a piercing scream that cut through the air like fire would ice. If it were possible, my venom seared my skin for a second, burning like lava at the sound.

One word, it was Bella's voice; Jasper.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer, minus those I have created or my plot. **

**Chapter 22: Chapter 22**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03.**

* * *

**Esme POV**

_Fractured. _

They'd ruined it all.

_Splintered. _

Everything I'd worked for.

_Cracked. _

Everything I had struggled to maintain.

_Smashed._

It was nothing that I wanted.

_Broken. _

I hadn't wanted them, not really.

_Shattered. _

But I had wanted him.

_Chipped. _

I'd wanted everything with him.

_Crushed._

Everything that wasn't alright.

_Wrecked._

Anything that wasn't possible.

_Ruined._

Something that was out of reach.

_Devastated. _

I had already had this but he promised I could have it again so I took what he gave and built what we thought we needed.

_Demolished._

But it had all been nothing more than a fake future, an unreachable dream. Nothing more than...

Lies.

False promises.

A plastered smile and a perfect appearance.

It was all just...

_Destroyed. _

*x*x*

_"Esme, my name is Carlisle," the blond man whispered softly with his hands held out in a non-defensive gesture. _

_My eyes traveled him, the scowling boy behind him and everything in the room at once. I was taking it all in and trying to calm my over-active mind down. Who was I? Where was I? Burning. My throat was _burning_. My body had burned too. Everything had burned. _

_I looked down at my clenched hands, checking for charred marks or proof of the fire that consumed me._

_"There was no fire, Esme," the penny colour haired boy said. _

_"There was," I growled, letting out a whimper at the terrifying sound I'd let loose. More saliva collected in my mouth and I tried to speak though it only came out as a gargled mess. I swallowed, trying to speak again. "There was," I repeated in a softer voice. _

_I sounded like music. I had liked music and dancing. The clothes were pretty. Smiles and bright eyes. It was fun, not like home. Fists and feet at home. Violent words and vicious actions. A crying baby. Echoes. A breaking heart. A bruised face. A weak child. No, a _sick _baby. My baby._

_"Focus on us," the boy had spoken again. _

_Yes, yes, focus. Focus on them. Not that. What was that? _

_My baby. Tuffs of hair, like clouds. Clouds, white and moving, never stopping. Soft skin, soft like silk or satin. Fingers gracing skin. Soft words, angry words, loving words, hateful words. Hurt. Hurt. _Hurt.

_"Hurt," I mumbled out loud, remembering violent memories of a man I'd called 'husband'. _

_"Yes, the change is... painful," Carlisle agreed quickly. _

_"No," I snarled while pointing at my face. "This hurt!" Saliva flew from my mouth at the words. Why was there so much of it and why did it burn when I swallowed. I was so thirsty._

_The blond man looked at the boy quizzically. "She remembers her husband," he explained. "Nothing else yet."_

_I ignored them, or tried to, looking about the room for a mirror or anything to show reflection. Me. I wanted to see me so I could show them. _

_"Should I explain?" Carlisle asked. "Edward?"_

_"No, I don't think so. Not yet."_

_"Explain," I demanded, finally spotting a mirror sticking out of a drawer. I ran over, grabbing it as they both looked at me quizzically. I lifted the mirror, keeping my gaze on them. "See, this hurt me." I pointed at my face as I said it._

_I looked in the mirror and... Nothing. There was nothing there. No bruises. No scars. Perfectly carved skin with a pale color beyond proof of life. My eyes were red, gleaming and bright, angry but beautiful. Red like blood. Blood that poured from wounds. My wounds. My blood. His hands. His fists. Angry words. Violent hits. _

Dirty whore.

Useless woman.

I am law.

No? I'll show you _no_ and you'll be begging then.

_Pain. So much pain. Running. I had run. Why? The baby. I had run because of a child. Unborn. Unprotected. Unready. _

_"My baby." I gasped, tossing the mirror to the ground and hearing every splinter and shatter of glass as it broke. "Where is my baby?" Both men looked at each other, a silent conversation passing between them. Another growl built in my chest and I let it loose, causing both of them to look back at me. "Where is he?" _

_"Esme," Carlisle murmured hands up again. _

_"Where is he?" I roared. _

_There was a look behind his eyes. Golden eyes, much different than mine. So pretty but for different reasons. The look, it was sad, unwilling. Something was wrong and it pricked me, hitting my mind like little glass shards of the shattered mirror. Something had happened and I wanted to know, I wanted to remember. _

_"My baby," I said quietly. _

_"Do you remember the cliffs?" Carlisle asked. _

_I was confused. What did cliffs have to do with my son? I tried though, thinking of the cliffs and the baby. Nothing came. _

_"There was no baby at the cliffs," Edward said dully. _

_That triggered something. Black darkness. Empty heart. Cracked and hurt. Alone. Gone. Raging waves. Blackened waters. Appropriate for pain. An easy end. Screaming at the sky, at God. Yelling for the pain, for the loss. What had been lost? Anger. Sadness. My baby. He was sick, too weak to thrive. Crying from pain. Hungry. Unable to feed. I was unable to produce what he needed. Unworthy. I wasn't good enough. I never had been. _

_He was gone..._

_"No," I choked, my hand grasping at my throat as it flared in pain again. _

_"Yes, I know you're thirsty," Carlisle sad sadly. _

_"No," I hissed, my knees hitting the floor as I cried. "My baby."_

_"She remembers," Edward explained before turning to leave the room. _

_I gasped and sobbed, taking in gulps of air but it didn't sedate the  
pain. "My baby is gone," I screamed. It became a mantra; over and over I repeated the sentence for hours. I felt the arms wrap around me, his body sheltering my shaking one as he murmured soft words to soothe me. He couldn't soothe the pain, but he felt like a balm to close the wound. _

_"I'm alone. I'm not enough."_

_"It's okay," he whispered. "You're okay and you're safe. You have a family now, with us."_

*x*x*

It had begun like that, with me already feeling unworthy of what I was; of the things I had been given. He'd saved me, bringing me into a new life with promises of great things to come. I'd be so happy he had said. I was everything he'd waited for as he'd whispered. But I didn't feel worthy of it, none of it. I shouldn't have been saved. He never should have given me all he had. My spirit had broken and it should have died. I wanted it too, so badly. I wanted to say goodbye to the woman who faked her days with happy words and a charade of cheerfulness. I wanted to embrace the woman who simmered below, the one who'd been created and born from pain and fire.

I wanted her. He wanted perfection. I wanted him.

He was my balm. I was the wound.

But I wanted what he wanted too. I wanted what I already had and failed. A child. A life. Parties and friends. But none of it was real. It never had been. I couldn't keep myself happy. He never understood. In that second I couldn't have cared less for any person in the room other than myself. It was just me and I was ready to let everything go for him. I'd tried before, but he needed to see me, finally _see _me. Because I so desperately wanted to see him too.

"Kwewase," Edward stuttered out. Was he begging? Calling for Carlisle? I couldn't care less. He'd never shown me compassion in this life, not really. He had judged through opinions, hidden truths when they should have been exposed. Even my first day of vampire life he had walked away from me when he knew I was breaking down.

I wanted to see him burn.

"Esme, he is your son," Carlisle gasped.

I turned to look at Alice again, hating her more than anyone in the room. She'd done the most damage in my view. Out of all, she knew how much I needed Carlisle when he wasn't here and she turned those situations around to fit her own needs. "They have never been my children. My child died and they could never replace the beauty that he was. Let them answer for their wrong doings, Carlisle. It's called justice. You want to preach about fairness and do good in your life, this Carlisle, is good."

"No, it's not. Esme, they are my children."

Exactly. His, they had always been his. They never had been mine. I'd only wanted what I thought I needed, what he thought I deserved. He wouldn't understand until I showed him exactly what I meant.

"You are not their father and I am not their mother. Let them burn for what they've done," I snarled, keeping my eyes locked on Alice.

I sprung at her, hands outstretched like claws that I planned to dig and grasp, rip and tear with. I assumed the little bitch would dodge my attack again, using her seeing gift as an advantage. She didn't though, instead launching herself right back at me with just as much force.

"Oh God," the only human in the room whispered.

As far as I was concerned, Jasper needed to remove her from the situation because it wasn't my issue if she got in the way. I didn't plan on stopping.

Alice slammed into me, her teeth snapping inches from my face as my back hit the floor. Her teeth dug into my shoulder and pain surrounded the area before my palm hit her chin, the snapping sound of her neck flying back from the blow had me snarling in appreciation before I kicked her off me hard. I watched her slam into Emmett's turned back before they both went spiralling out of the glass doors.

I was back on my feet, crouching low as Emmett snarled, "What the fuck?" Had he not been watching?

"Fuck, Peter, run a tight perimeter around the forest. None of them leave. I'll yell if I need you," Jasper ordered from my left.

Emmett wasn't finished his sentence before Alice was back in the house, snarling in my direction with the faint outline of a smirk playing on her lips. She thought this was fun. I sure as hell didn't. The roar that left my mouth even shocked me but I didn't let show. Really, I was too busy launching myself back at Alice to care. This time her back hit the floor, snarls erupting from both of us as we skidded along, breaking the beautiful floor I'd worked so hard on maintaining for so many years. I didn't even care. It was just wood, just a floor. I'd use the pieces for kindling if I managed to rip Alice apart.

I freed my hand from her grasp, gripping tight around her neck and squeezing as she bit into my wrist. A hiss of pain left my lips and I released her neck out of instinct, reaching back almost immediately for the grab again but my hand met nothing but teeth.

"Esme, stop it!" I heard my mate yell from behind me.

Alice's little legs kicked against me, struggling against my grabbing hands and flying fists. I couldn't land a hit against her and soon I found myself knocked off sideways, landing in a crouch with my one hand bracing my balance on the floor. Alice was two feet away, breathing heavily as I launched forward again, slamming into her side and letting her skid over by Emmett again. Carlisle muttered something under his breath but I ignored him once again. He still wasn't getting it. I just didn't care about any of them. They weren't my family. They never had been.

"Run," Emmett snarled before I turned just quick enough to see Edward and Emmett both leave the house in separate directions.

I shouldn't have turned. I felt myself fly backward, everything becoming a quick blur of colors around me and I smashed into the wall, effectively becoming a part of it as I pried myself out with an aggravated hiss. Alice was grinning at me, waving her hands as if to egg me on a little more.

"What Esme, giving up already?" She taunted, keeping the grin. "Do the bites hurt? Do they sting? I learned from the best after all." She punctuated those words with a gaze in Jasper's direction. His face was fixated in a snarl, arms still reaching behind him to keep his mate protected from anything coming their way.

"Oh no, Alice. I'm far from being done. But when I am, would you like your clothes burned with you or donated?"

"Esme that is enough!" Carlisle roared to my right.

"Shut up, Carlisle," I snarled. "You don't fucking get it, do you?" I straightened out of my crouch, turning to look at my mate. "You just don't get it."

"What? What don't I understand?" He asked.

I waved my hands frantically. "This, Carlisle! All of this. Look around. If she were my daughter, would she fight me? If Edward cared about Bella, would he have abused her? If _your _precious children respected you and this life so much, would they have lied and manipulated each other all the way to the end to hide it all?"

"Our children," he whispered. "They are _our _children."

"No, they aren't," I mumbled sadly. "I get it, honey. I do. I understand you wanting to hold onto them and this, but really, it never was to begin with."

"They are," he cried. "This is our life, Esme. And you're just saying you're going to throw it all away? Just like that? Like it's nothing at all?"

"What life?" I screamed back, anger taking hold again. "What life is this?"

"You have everything you ever wanted," he bit back, "Everything. Children, money, friends. I gave you everything."

"You gave me nothing!"

"I did!"

"You did? Carlisle, you gave me reminders. You paraded me in front of humans daily. Pregnant women filled with a joy I'll never have. Parents watching their children graduate filled with pride I can't truly understand. This was a life you wanted, not me!" By the time I finished, I was toe to toe with my mate, glaring into his black eyes.

"You lie, Esme," he growled. "You wanted this too. The appearance, the excursions, everything. You wanted every bit of it."

"Yet you never saw me," I snarled. "You never understood me. Didn't you think that when I jumped off that cliff I was trying to end something, Carlisle? I didn't want to be _her _anymore. I didn't want to be unworthy or weak."

His eyes were sad and that broke my heart. How he never knew this before I'd never understand.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"You're not. How can you be? You never cared enough before. Your humans were more important. The hospital. These insolent vampires you called family."

"Esme, stop," he begged.

"No, it's time for you to listen to me," I shouted. "Just listen to me for once, Carlisle, please!'

"I am listening," he shouted back. "I have listened!"

I reached out and slapped him hard across the cheek. His head whipped to the side and a resounding smack echoed through a silent house.

"Jas," Bella muttered.

"Shh," he replied.

"Do not hit me again," Carlisle hissed, gaining his composure as he turned to look at me again. "I've never hit you so don't you ever hit me."

"Not physically," I choked out. "But every reminder, every memory, every facade and false smile was a mental hit I'm not willing to take again."

"Jas," Bella stated more forcefully. "Don't let them hurt each other, they don't deserve that."

I turned to look at the human girl, wanting to sneer out a response but instead seeing Jasper's eyes meet mine and understanding passed between us. "Bella, you have no idea what it is we deserve," I whispered to her.

Jasper took a step away from her, his eyes traveling to Carlisle so he could address him. "I'm sorry, Carlisle and I don't apologize often but I am sorry for some of this. But maybe if you stopped and took a good look around you'd see that everything you've built isn't anything that she needed."

"Don't educate me on my mate, Jasper," Carlisle retorted angrily. "I'm well versed enough."

I screamed out a breath of air, my eyes blazing black as I turned to look at him again. "No, Carlisle, you're not. You've never understood. You've been too busy parading about the humans, acting like you belong with them and trying to fit me somewhere into that little world and I know I don't want it because I don't belong there with them. Why is this so important to you?"

A little giggle from the corner of the room brought all of our attention there. Alice had been a forgotten conquest while I tried to pull the cloak off my mate but she hadn't really left. Jasper had taken a couple more steps toward us and he was now frozen in his spot, his gaze darting between the space that linked Alice and Bella.

"Don't do that, Alice," he warned. "Don't even try that."

"Try what?" She chimed innocently.

"Don't be cocky," he snarled.

Alice danced a little step toward Jasper but it also put her one step closer to Bella as well. I felt Carlisle move behind me, his fingers trailing along my back as he murmured an apology. I wasn't hearing him right then, considering the little show that was going on in front of me. I felt it was important to watch, because despite all this, I owed Jasper in my own way, for understanding all these years and I wasn't about to let his mate be hurt by the scum that had hurt me.

"It's just like it has always been," Alice sighed as Jasper tensed and let out a low growl. "Everyone is too caught up in their own drama to really see the whole situation. Esme's screaming at Carlisle and all he hears is a song. Jasper's busy watching while everyone falls apart around him, and his mate goes unnoticed for a second. It was just a second though, just enough of a mistake. Do you think you'll regret this too, Esme? Considering all the other things you regret?"

"Not this time," I stated simply.

"Stop moving, Alice," Jasper growled as the girl danced another step closer.

"And you, Jasper. Will you regret this?" Alice asked sweetly, her body exactly a foot away from Bella's now. "Oh lover, you were always much better on your toes when you didn't care."

"Don't call him that," Bella snapped hatefully. "He isn't your lover."

"Oh but he was," Alice reasoned. "He had been, for sixty five years. It's not something he's likely to forget."

"Alice, shut up," Jasper growled.

Her eyes met his and she smiled. "You see it now, right? That mistake I mentioned. Your worry about your mate's concern for those she cares about forced your step forward. All I needed was one, and your attention was diverted. _Such_ a shame. I don't think you'll ever forgive yourself for that one."

Jasper's roar filled the room and my fists clenched as Carlisle moved me behind him just slightly at the sound. I felt like there was something we were missing in the situation.

"Yes, such a shame," Alice repeated quietly. "I can't say I'm sorry for this though."

"Don't touch her," he hissed. "Do not touch my mate, Alice."

"Jas," Bella whispered, gaining his full attention again. "It's okay."

The room went silent as Alice looked at Jasper with a smile that chilled me further. "See, Jas. She already knows _exactly what you need_, how appropriate."

His eyes didn't break from Bella's and I heard him swallow hard. His words were directed at Alice but they could have been for Bella too. "I know," he said hoarsely.

"What now?" Alice asked, moving one step closer to Bella.

Jasper broke his gaze from Bella and grinned at Alice. "You're right, Alice. She knows, exactly what I need."

As he finished his sentence, Bella turned and ran, Alice's hand reaching out to grab her as she did but only grasping air. Jasper slammed into her as she tried to bolt after Bella and I moved to help, instead being restrained by the locked arms of my mate. Snarls and hisses erupted from the kitchen, the sounds of smashing glass and splintering wood surrounded my senses as Carlisle whispered in my ear to calm down.

"Let me go," I roared, trying to push away from him as I did. "Let me help him!"

"No! I will not allow this to continue any longer," Carlisle struggled to say as I hit against him with my fists. "This is not our fight!"

Bella's scream from the kitchen caught both our attention and Carlisle finally let me go as we stumbled through the ruined things in the living room and hall to get to the kitchen. My stance froze as I entered the broken room. Alice had Bella forced to her knees, her hand gripped tight onto the back of her neck as she stared at Jasper across the kitchen, crouched low and growling deeply.

"Let go of my mate," he grumbled through the growl.

"Stupid mistakes," Alice hissed. "You let her get in the way of your thinking process and everything you think you know goes flying out the window like an annoying alarm clock. Would you like me to fix that issue for you?"

"Let me go," Bella cried. Alice squeezed a little tighter and we all winced as we heard the sounds of Bella's flesh tearing under Alice's fingernails. Blood dripped down Alice's hand and along Bella's neck, gathering on the front of her tank top and dripping to the floor. Alice had cut deep with her nails but not serious enough that Bella would bleed to death right there in front of us. The scent was heavenly and it filled every available inch of the room with its decadence, making my eyes blacken with thirst. "Please," she begged.

"Oh, little girl," Alice cooed, bending down and whispering in Bella's ear. "Don't plead, Bella. He hates weakness. We wouldn't want to disappoint him now, would we?"

"Alice..." Jasper warned quietly.

"Oh God, shut up, Jasper! You're ruining my fun," she whined.

"Alice, let go of Bella right now," Carlisle ordered from behind me.

Alice choked on laughter, forcing Bella to her feet before she finally calmed down. "You don't own me, Carlisle. You aren't my father let alone my leader. I don't follow orders from you. Why don't you take a time out for a minute and actually listen to your mate, the vampires in the house need to have a chat."

"I'm not kidding, Alice," Jasper said firmly. "I won't give you another opportunity to let her go."

Alice snarled at Jasper before grabbing Bella around the waist and forcing her back to straighten against Alice's front. "Step forward and I'll break her fucking neck." I could see contemplation and panic written across Jasper's face as he shook his head in frustration. "Close your eyes, Bella," Alice murmured soothingly. "We're going to take a trip."

Jasper's head snapped up at those words and Alice bolted with Bella, still clutching her around the waist as she crashed through the kitchen door, taking a screaming Bella with her.

"No!" Jasper roared. He turned to look at Carlisle and I both frozen in terror. "Stay here; I don't need your fucking help!"

"Jasper," I tried to reason but he only interrupted with a low growl.

"Just don't!"

I heard Peter yell at Jasper as I turned to my mate. Jasper's voice trailed back lightly with the wind blowing through the opened door. "No, Peter! Stay here!"

"Jasper!"

"I said no, Peter!"

Silence surrounded the house. I couldn't even hear the sounds of running anymore. "Esme," Carlisle whispered, tipping my face up to look at him. "It's alright. We'll fix this, the house. Everything. I'll fix it."

I shook my head frantically and swat his hand away from me.

"Christ, you still don't see what I'm trying to say, do you? I don't want this, Carlisle! I never have!"

He was so confused and I could see that. "Esme, this is our life. We worked so hard to create this life..."

"Exactly," I interrupted angrily. "Created. We created this. It's not real. Fake smiles and misguided promises. Nothing more. I hate it. I hate it all!"

"You don't," he murmured softly. "You're angry and confused."

"I am not!" I screamed.

"You are," he replied.

"Oh shut up and listen to me, you idiot!"

"Esme," he growled.

"No, listen to _me, Carlisle_! Listen to me, your mate, for once!"

"I don't understand what you want," he cried exasperated. "I've done nothing more than work to give you everything you deserve."

"But I didn't want this, not like I thought. Can't you see that? I never wanted the perfect husband and pretty children. I didn't want a life of forced memories from spiteful reminders. God, Carlisle, why can't you see that!"

He sighed, rubbing a hand across his face in aggravation before turning his back to leave the room. "I am only a man. I didn't know." His words were a broken record that had went long past its due.

He still didn't get it. "You're not a man, Carlisle!" I yelled at his back. "You're a vampire. A _vampire_!"

"I never asked for that!" He shouted, finally turning to look at me again. "I never asked for this!"

A realization struck me then and I realized I was just as much to blame for this as he was. "That's it isn't it?" I gasped.

"I'm sorry?"

"You're not just a man, Carlisle. You're a vampire. You can't make up for the past. You can't change who you are."

"I know that," he muttered defeated.

"No. Honey, you don't. You've been trying all these years to redeem yourself for something that was out of your control. You've surrounded yourself in all these things trying to make up for what you believed to be your ultimate sin. This isn't your fault, Carlisle. You're right, you didn't choose this but you don't have to apologize for it either," I whispered. "Stop trying to live up to something you're never going to be."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," he snarled before turning and walking away again.

I followed behind him, trailing his form through the house as I laughed spitefully behind his back.

"Really? You don't think so? Jesus, I've lived this with you, Carlisle! I've built these walls and sought out its false comfort in an attempt to make up for the weak woman you saved. I know, Carlisle! I know!"

We reached the second floor and he turned to look at me, eyes black. "You don't, Esme, so just stop."

"What, Carlisle? Did you think standing beside humans your whole existence would make you equal to them? Did you think that would make you worthy of your father? What, Carlisle? What don't I understand? Why can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I get it, even if you can't!"

"I'm a demon, Esme! But I've done nothing wrong in my life to deserve this! I fought my way back from hell and I didn't deserve this! I worked so hard for this!"

I turned and grabbed the priceless antique vase off the stand. I dropped it to the floor, watching the pieces turn to shards as they scattered around our feet. Silence again covered us both as he realized what I had just done.

"You loved that vase," he choked out.

"It's just... stuff, Carlisle. Items. Possessions. Things. Nothing compared to you and nothing compared to me."

"But ..."

"No!" I yelled, filled with anger again that he still couldn't understand. I turned and fled from him, trying to figure out a way to make him understand. He didn't follow me and I found what I needed in the garage. "Perfect," I muttered to myself as I unscrewed the cap to the gas jug and tipped it downward, leaving a trail of gasoline through the house as I walked back to where my mate was frantically pacing the floor.

His nostrils flared at the scent as I walked into the room, gas dripping from the spout as his eyes widened. "What in the hell are you doing?" he roared.

"Making you understand," I replied as I pulled out the pack of matches I always kept in my pocket, just in case I needed them.

"Esme, don't," Carlisle exclaimed. "Please, sweetheart. You don't understand what you're doing."

"I know," I murmured softly. "I know what you need and pretty soon, you're going to understand what I need too."

I flicked the match against the striker as Carlisle lunged for me, skidding us both across the floor as the head of the match lit and I threw it away from both of us. Carlisle let go of me with a hiss, jumping for the match that had missed its mark by an inch. The air he rustled from his move made the still burning match flip and it hit the gas, lighting immediately and I pulled Carlisle back by his foot.

"No," he cried as the trail of fire flew through the room and out into the hallway, tracing back the path I had already created. "What have you done, Esme?" We were both backed into the wall, watching fire lick up his book collection, eating away the pages of priceless words he'd never read again. "Why?"

"Don't you get it?" I sighed in relief as the fire crept closer. "We don't have to pretend anymore."

He moved his body in front of mine, pushing me harder against the wall. "It's all going to be ruined," he gasped, almost sounding pained as he did so. "_Ruined_."

"It's okay," I reminded him, my mind spinning with happiness as reds and oranges colored my vision. "We're going to be free, of everything."

"I didn't want to be," he cried. "We were happy."

"No, we weren't."

For the first time in our entire life together, I heard Carlisle mutter a low 'fuck' as embers flicked around our forms and his fists hit the wall. "We can't get out," he choked, looking behind himself as he backed away from me.

He only had two feet of room to move in reality. The gas had helped the fire to light but all the possessions that it was burning up fed the flames too. I hadn't really thought it through to be honest.

"Damn it, Esme!" He roared. "Look at what you've done!"

"Everything is okay," I repeated strongly, still watching the beautiful colors consume everything I no longer wanted. I was free. We were free. "It's nothing, just a little fire."

"I might be able to save it," he croaked. "If I could get downstairs."

"No!" I roared, realizing he what he was trying to do. "No, Carlisle. Make the choice, me or _this_."

"Oh God," he muttered turning to look at the flames again before vaulting himself at me with all the force he could manage. I braced myself for the hit, feeling his arms wrap around me as my back crashed through yet another wall. Clean air filled my nostrils and I breathed the crisp air in as we tumbled down together. He hit the ground first and I rolled off him, crawling away from him and the house as he moved toward it instead. "No, my home, it's ruined, you've destroyed it."

I rolled onto my knees, watching the flames lick at the windows and eat through the broken hole we'd created moments earlier. It was burning, destroying and eating away every memory I never wanted to have. It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen. I couldn't help but laugh. My palms met my face and I continued watching through my finger tips as I laughed because I was finally free of _that. _

I couldn't even be bothered to care about the vampires that came running from the woods in both opposite directions. They weren't my responsibility anymore and I was too elated to care really.

It was over.

"My home, you've destroyed it," Carlisle repeated brokenly.

Just another broken record.

He'd understand, I knew that much. He never wanted this either. He'd been far too busy trying to redeem what he never needed to in the first place. I wanted to show him that none of this mattered. It was just him and I now, nothing else.

This was over.

Everything else was just beginning.

"No!" Peter roared to my right. My head shot up long enough to see him take off running back into the woods.

Carlisle stopped his rambling as well and we both shot up to our feet as another scream pierced the air. Only this time it wasn't Peter. It was human, strained and filled with terror. She screamed the only thing she thought would help her; Jasper.

"Bella," Carlisle and I whispered together.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer, minus those I have created for my plot. **

**Chapter 23: Chapter 23**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03.**

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**Jasper POV**

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck! What did I do? What in the _hell _did I do? How did I let that happen? _How_? Why had I been so stupid? I let her affect my judgement and now... now... Fuck!

I couldn't even manage to get my thought process together enough to concentrate on what I needed to do now. My biggest problem in the whole situation of crazy was that I didn't even know what I needed to do. I never had that issue before, never once. My mind always had a backup plan, I always had a second route to travel if the first failed, and it never had, until now. I had been too damn cocky in my assurance that I could get in and get her out. There hadn't been a single fuckin' moment when I thought one of them would have been able to cause harm to her, not with me right there in the God damned room!

I had been so... stupid!

Fuck!

Peter had listened to me though, that was the only good thing. I had heard him ripping trees out of the ground in an attempt to smother his own anger. I was sure he'd have something to say to me when this was over, he always did. It couldn't really be helped though. Him following us was a risk I just wasn't willing to take. I still had the Volturi hanging over my head and if Alice started running off at the mouth about Bella's secrets and Peter was there to hear... well all my work would be ruined, and I wasn't about to allow that to happen.

I'd apologize to him for this, I knew that much. Someday when we were alone, and all this was over, I'd apologize for making a stupid mistake, not once, but twice, in the end.

But for the moment, I stood in a terrified state, watching Alice dangle my mate over the edge of a jagged cliff as if she were nothing more than a rag doll.

"Keep moving and I promise I'll drop her," Alice warned as Isabella screamed again and kicked against her side uselessly. "Do you think you're fast enough to catch her before she hits the rocks below, Jasper? Or maybe she'll be lucky enough to hit one of the rushing tides. Could you find her if she were pulled out with the current? Could you get her in time to save her from drowning? She's only human. Her lungs can only handle so much. She'll be weakened in seconds, all fight gone and then the water will swallow her whole. That water is cold for a human. It'll knock the air right out of her. She'll try to breath only to take in so much sea water she'll just choke. And choke, and breathe, and choke. She'd be dragged under and forced up only to be dragged under the black water again. Could you catch her in time?" Alice asked again, more forcefully than before.

Every word Alice spoke only intensified Isabella's fear and it was starting to overwhelm me to the point of not being able to think clearly. "I don't know," I answered honestly, watching the tears roll down the face of my mate. "I don't know!"

"That's right, Jasper, for once, you just don't know what to do and that must be killing you."

"Yes, yes it is," I answered, my voice shaking. "So why are you even bothering with this show?"  
Alice clicked her tongue in a mocking fashion. "You should know better than that, Jasper. You know me much better than that. If I'd have wanted a show, I could have ripped her throat out in Esme's kitchen and painted the fucking walls red."

Isabella's eyes closed, more tears pressing out through the closed lid as she choked back a sob. "Come on, Alice," I whispered. "You're right, I do know you. And had you have wanted her dead, that's exactly where she'd be."

"I did!" Alice screamed suddenly, eyes turning black and she shook my mate a little more forcefully over the edge of nothingness. "She was supposed to die!"

"What?"

"She was supposed to die! Her, not him!" A broken cry left Alice's lips before she pulled my mate back from the edge of the cliff. I watched, my legs bending into a crouch in preparation to attack should I have the chance. Isabella flailed again, trying to gain her footing on the rocks but she slipped and hit her knees off the stones instead. Despite her falling, Alice kept her grip on my mate's neck, Isabella's flesh straining against the hold. If she tightened her fingers a little more, she'd cut through the porcelain skin like a knife through butter. "Do you know how long I waited for him?"

"Who?" I had nothing but questions because Alice's fumbled words were completely lost to me. "You aren't making any sense, Alice!"

She shrieked again, my mate flinching at the sound before letting another hard sob loose as Alice dragged her to her feet again. "I am, you just haven't figured it out yet. Think, you idiot, think! I tried everything to make it change. I almost killed a woman to stop her line from continuing to make it change, I just, I couldn't do it. God, I should have just killed her!"

I watched my mate carefully, trying to gauge if she had sustained any other obvious injuries. Nothing was apparent but I was sure she was going to be sore and bruised for a while.

"You're acting crazy," I hissed at Alice. "You're letting your mind and visions control what you think to be reality, as you always do. You're getting the situations mixed up and it's not coming out clear."

She shook her head frantically, teeth clenching as she turned to me with sadness, loathing, jealousy and absolute anguish filling her every cell. "You always knew me, Jasper. Or you did a damn good job of it at least. You gave me normalcy, even at the worst moments when I knew nothing was going to work, that somehow I'd managed to lose it all, you still gave me normalcy and you didn't even know it. All these years I wondered why you were the first person I saw when I woke up and until that baby was born, I never understood."

"You were going to have him killed," I growled. "He is just a child, Alice! Innocent like the two girls James slaughtered. When he wakes up today, in a new house, with a new woman caring for him, he's going to be so confused and lonely. A baby still feels love, Alice. It's such a pure, innocent love, but it's _real. _They also feel abandonment. They can feel alone and unsafe. They understand familiar comfort and you ripped that away from him! He was starving and terrified. How could you do that to a child? There is nothing worse than hurting an innocent child and that makes you the most horrendous thing I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. Your mate was going to kill him!"

"He wasn't my mate!" she screamed at me. "He wasn't supposed to be uncared for! James was never supposed to kill Lysen! He promised me he wouldn't!"

"What? Were you going to keep him as a souvenir of yours and Edward's work? Parade him around Isabella as if he were a trophy you both held over her? Was he to be used as a toy, or something else entirely? What, Alice, explain it to me because nothing I am drawing is making much sense!"

"The others were just collateral damage. Lysen was the goal. Edward just wanted him gone but I couldn't let him... I just couldn't. I made a promise."

"Collateral damage?" I roared. "Alice, you had him slaughter an entire family."

"You helped," she whispered, causing my mate's head to snap up and look me straight in the eyes. "You broke his neck and let her burn. You killed just as many as he did."

"As an offering," I reasoned. "To end the suffering, not to play some sick fuckin' game of cat and mouse. What in the hell is wrong with you? How could you leave that child with someone as demented as James was?"

"He wasn't supposed to hurt Lysen," she stated again. "I did everything I could to keep that from happening. James was so damn infatuated with me though, he was too curious and jealous. He couldn't understand why I'd request for the child to live when Edward was the one calling shots and demanded they all die."

"That is my baby," Isabella cried. "My child!"

"He's fine," Alice growled at her. "Jasper did exactly what I needed him to."

Something hit me then, the way her words turned softer when she talked about the child, how her emotions filled with hope at the name of my mate's child and her eyes glimmered. "Oh my God," I whispered fast. "Oh my _fuckin' God!_"

"Yes," Alice pressed.

"You weren't trying to hurt him," I realized. "Fuckin' Christ. You were trying to protect him!"

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, Jasper. I never wanted him hurt. It would have killed me. Everything I've worked for all these years would have just shattered to pieces. Everything already did but he was all I had left to keep it together, what little there was."

'Wait..." I growled, putting my hand up. "All these years?"

"Have you not even been listening to me?" She snarled.

_She'd wanted her dead – She was supposed to die!_

_Someone else took her place – Her, not him!_

_Do you know how long I waited for him? – Who? _

_Lysen was the goal. – Why? _

_I made a promise. – To? _

"Do you remember your visions as a human?" I asked quietly, watching my mate struggle with trying to understand our conversation. "I know you had them, I know about the hospital, and your change, but I want to know about the visions."

"Some," she replied with a distant look. "But my mind, it became so vast with the change. Every vision I ever had replayed itself like a record on repeat. Choices, decisions, possibilities, outcomes. Everything and nothing. I've lived them over and over but I've never really lived them the way I wanted. I never had the chance. I tried, I tried so god damn hard to make it change."

"What did you need to change?"

"Her," she hissed, shaking my mate's form and causing her to fall to the rocks again. "If she'd have just... never been, everything would have been fine!"

_I almost killed a woman to stop the line from continuing._

"Why didn't you kill the woman?" I asked quietly. "If it would have prevented whatever from happening."

Alice growled a broken sound, her hand on my mate's arm vibrating with the noise. "The same reason I couldn't kill Bella," she snarled before turning back to face me and saying, "You hear it, you know. We can hear them in there. Living, thriving, creating. I couldn't kill a baby, not even an unborn infant."

Isabella froze, her eyes flickering from my shocked face to Alice's pained expression. "I tried, God I tried so hard. Then I saw that night, it would happen. I wouldn't have to, hurt her, I mean. The first time I saw her, in the flesh, she was just a couple weeks in but I could still hear it. That was it, nothing I could do would change anything then. Nothing! A baby was something I could never give and I couldn't take it away. He'd have been so happy, so... alive. But that night..."

"Oh no," I whispered too low for my mate to hear. "Alice, no."

"It should have been her," she whispered back. Venom welled in her eyes, pain stabbing through her emotions. "It shouldn't have happened that way. I would have been able to stop them, but I would have never had to touch her. I could have changed him, he'd have lived and I could have showed him a different life, the one I'd always seen and wanted. He'd have moved on and forgotten. He never would have known about the child and she'd have been long gone from his memory. It just... happened so wrong. Everything changed too late, and I couldn't stop the vision. I couldn't come out of it."

"You were there," I realized.

"I was on the roof, waiting." Isabella was still trying to piece together what we had said before and what little she was able to gather, but it still wasn't enough as Alice continued at a level too fast for my mate to hear. "I heard him cry out, just broken. I was in shock, I couldn't move. Who ever heard of a vampire going into shock? And the blood, my God. I could smell it everywhere. I was so scared if I moved I'd hurt him. I'd kill him. I just... it was never supposed to be him."

"In your mind you've lived them," I murmured. "But you've never lived them really, not truly."

"I never had the chance!" She screamed. "I let him live. I watched him grow! I wanted him to be able to love, to learn. I didn't want to rip away his humanity because I selfishly wanted him. He would have never forgiven me for that."

"He never knew you," I replied back. "But he knew her. He loved her."

Alice screamed at me in anger, grabbing my mate roughly by the neck and swinging her over the cliff again. "But never me! I wanted him to, I saw it. I saw him love me. I saw him with red eyes and perfect skin. I've felt his hands and I know his body but I'd never even spoken to him." Isabella whimpered, clawing at Alice's wrist and arm at her neck that was squeezing tight. "She was always in the way. Something always found a way to hurt me."

"You won't hurt her," I said quietly, thinking of the little blond child I'd taken earlier to a safe place. "You can't. She's one of two things that tie you to him. Despite everything that happened," I shook my head and looked at my mate. "Despite it, you love her, even if you hate her."

"I want to kill her," Alice hissed.

"But you can't," I finished.

Alice let out a shuddering breath as Isabella sobbed. "Do you understand, Bella?" Alice asked. "Are you hearing us, listening to this? Do you see what you've taken from me?"

"Don't do that to her," I begged, seeing the tears filling my mate's eyes. "Alice, don't hurt her like that."

"I don't...un...derstand," Isabella croaked out through gulps of air. "I'm so so...rr...ry."

"She's been through enough," I told Alice, trying to reason with her. "Don't make her go through it again. Don't hurt her because you hurt too. She loved him and that should be enough for you. She loved him, Alice."

"Should you tell her," Alice murmured, staring at my mate hanging in the air. "Or should I?"

"Please," I pleaded quietly. "She went through it once. She held him while he died. She carried his child and then gave him to those who would love and care for him. Tell me she hasn't suffered too? Tell me she hasn't felt pain too?"

"Not like me," Alice supplied. "Do you know who my mate was, Bella?" The sobs started rolling from my mate. Her body shook from the force as Alice lowered her back to the rocky side of the cliffs. "Do you know what you took from me?"

"Alice," I cried.

"Tell me, Bella!" She shouted, shaking my mate by the shoulders before turning her around to look at me. "You not only took one, but two. And I've let you live for both of them. I'd kill you, because it would fill me with so much happiness, but I can't."

"You could have stopped them," Isabella cried. "You could have saved him!"

"No, no! I was frozen. Everything changed. It was supposed to be you, not him! I couldn't move!"

"Stop," I muttered. "Just, stop."

"You let him die in pain. How can you say you loved him? You didn't even know him!" Anger filled my mate as she screamed at Alice again. "You did this! You killed him!"

"I knew him," Alice growled.

"Lee's life lived out just as it should have," I told Alice. "He lived and he died as he was meant to. You cannot blame Isabella for that. She holds enough blame within her own mind as it is."

"You could have saved him," Isabella mumbled again, her voice shaking with air as it rushed in and out of her lungs.

"I saved your son," Alice replied. "I gave you your mate. I got you to Forks through planning you couldn't imagine. I gave you a new life. And I'll keep him safe until the day he dies. I've been fixing my own mistakes ever since I walked off that rooftop. You might not like the way I've done it and you can spend the next fifty years trying to kill me for it, but I still did it."

"Why?" Isabella whispered through sobs. "Why didn't you help us?"

"I hate you," Alice told her, bending down to whisper the next part in her ear. "But I can't help but thank you. That baby lives because you gave him life. He is the only part of Lee I have left."

Isabella cried out and I roared in the direction behind me as the wind rustled the air around us. My mate shivered under Alice's grasp, strong fingers gripping back tightly around her delicate neck.

"Peter!" I roared again before turning to Alice. "This is over," I told her. "I gave you chance, after fuckin' chance to run and you didn't take it. All you had to do was ask, Alice and tell me the truth. I'd have done everything and anything to make that little boy safe. Hell, I think I did just about all a person can do as it was. You didn't have to make this into a game to hurt my mate in the process. She did nothing to you, not once. She lived, Alice. She lived and she loved and she lost. I can understand your jealousy, believe me I can. I can even match your anger, but this..." I waved at my mate, gagging on her sobs as tears poured from her face, spilling down to her shirt where it mixed with the half dried blood on her shirt. "This, Alice is going to get you killed."

"No, it won't," she replied with a shrug, a smile playing on her lips. I could barely hear the footfalls of my brother. He was still a ways back yet. "You don't get to kill me today, Jasper."

I crouched low, fingers digging into the rocks as I snarled at her. "Let her go."

"I'll kill you for this," Isabella whispered, her voice so low and hoarse it would never have been heard by weak human ears. "Not today, but someday."

"Not even then," Alice growled. She swung my mate back over the ledge again but this time Isabella didn't fight back. She just hung there with both hands wrapped around Alice's tiny arm as she stared at me from over her shoulder. "Tell him, Bella."

I could feel the hate pouring off Alice and Isabella, but my mate's eyes locked on mine again. "It wasn't my fault. I didn't kill Lee, it wasn't my fault."

Alice turned to wink at me over her shoulder. "How much are you willing to bet, Jas, that I wouldn't drop her? Her life? Yours?" One finger released my mate's neck before another, and then another. "Could you catch her?"

"Every time," I growled. "Every single fuckin' time."

"Then catch her," Alice replied, stepping one foot off the ledge with my mate.

"What are you doing?" I hissed.

She shrugged. "I'm giving Peter his," she said before taking another step as I lunged for them both.

I flew, directly over Alice and Isabella as Alice ducked down, twisting my mate around at a speed too fast for a human too see or comprehend and shoving her back on the ledge with a force that broke at least one bone in the process. I was fully intent on following down with Alice and killing her, until I heard my mate scream my name in a gargled mess so loud it rung my ear drums. I chanced a look down, fingers scraping along the rocks as I saw the blood that coated Alice's fingers and I managed to grasp onto the ledge with one hand, trying to get any footing I could as Alice tumbled to the waters below.

"Help... me," I heard Isabella cry.

"Fuck!" Peter roared, finally getting here. "Jasper!"

"Coming up the side of the wall," I responded back, scaling the rocks as fast as I could without breaking the weakened pieces off and falling back down.

"Hurry up, man," Peter chocked out. "Now!"

I grasped onto a ledge about fifteen feet from the top, pushing my weight with my hands as fast as I could to spring to the top. I landed on the balls of my heels, rocking myself to steady as I saw my mate laying on Peter's lap.

Blood covered the side of his hands, a gash in her neck squirting as he covered it with his hand again, applying as much pressure as he physically could without hurting her. "I think he carotid artery got nicked," he said hoarsely. "Hold her."

His hand stayed firmly placed on her neck, red ribbons of blood seeping out around his fingers as we moved her as fast as we could. I looked at her eyes, the pale color of her skin turning a little more grey as I noticed she was spacing out a bit.

"Talk to her," he muttered. "Focus her. I need to think."

I was in a momentary lapse of shock. I couldn't really think or feel anything. All I could see was blood and all I could taste with every short breath was the divine scent of it, but it didn't make me thirsty, not in those moments. "You okay?" I asked Peter, referring to the blood being spilled.

"Yeah," he shot back. You?"

"Great."

"Talk to her," he repeated, unclasping his fingers around her neck as he did so. "Prop her up on your lap, get her elevated higher."

I pulled her higher, titling her head back as her eyes focused a little more on me. "Hey, Sugar," I whispered. I couldn't watch Peter remove his hand completely but with my eyesight, it was unavoidable. Three of Alice's fingers had torn a ragged hole in the side of Isabella's neck, ripping through the flesh, muscle and fat before nicking a cut along the carotid artery. Blood continued squirting, dripping more on the rocks around us and soaking my pants and shirt as Peter bent down to look within the wound. "Sugar, I need you... I need..."

"Check yourself," Peter muttered. "Get it together."

I breathed deep. "Look at me, Isabella. Open those eyes wide and keep your brown eyes on me. Right now, Sugar."

"She losing too much blood," he hissed. "Keep her from going into shock, Jasper. If she does, I don't think we can bring her out of it."

"I've got to tell you something," I told her, watching her lips quiver as she shuddered breaths in and out as I spoke. "I lied, about my fear. I have two. The other is fire. I'm terrified of fire and I'm not one hundred percent sure that it's unfounded, because we'd be a roman candle if we caught but still, I have this irrational fear of being too close."

"I'm scared," she whispered as Peter's two fingers slipped inside her neck. She screamed but my hands were immediately on either side of her face, forcing her head to stay still and look at me. "I know I shouldn't be."

I laughed softly at her words before it turned into a grimace as Peter slipped another finger in, opening up the initial hole a little wider. I had no idea what he was doing but I had to fuckin' believe he had some kind of idea or plan because the blood was coming out far too fast for her to stay conscious much longer.

"It's okay to be scared. I'm so terrified right now I can't think," I smiled.

"I'm not ready. I haven't ... I'm not ready," she repeated.

I leaned down over her head, kissing her forehead and then pulling myself back up. "Today, yesterday or tomorrow wouldn't make a difference. No one is ever ready to burn for their sins, Sugar. No one is ready to die, or even live for that matter. You're never going to be ready, but you're never going to be unwilling either."

"It's gonna hurt," she muttered as Peter's hand clamped down on her neck hard, stanching the blood from flowing for a moment.

Fear welled inside my mate again and I nodded at her words. "It's going to burn," I corrected quietly. "But it's redemption, it's forgiveness and it's a new start. Everything is going to be okay."

Her chest rattled with another breath as she struggled to take air in again. "I think she broke a rib," Peter observed.

"Venom will heal it," I replied too low for Isabella to hear.

"I've only got one shot," Peter told me, looking straight into my eyes as he said it. "One shot to get enough inside the wound. It's not going to seal a hole that big, not as fast as it needs to."

"So?"

Isabella kept her eyes trained on mine as Peter and I spoke at a volume too quiet for her. "I can't produce enough venom," he explained. "Not normal amounts."

"You need a copious amount," I finished for him.

"Yeah."

"Are you asking for permission?"

"Not really," he muttered half heartedly. "Just warning you."

"Do it," I stated before looking back down at my mate whose tears had started falling again. "I'm sorry it hurts, Sugar, but it's about to get a lot worse."

Her legs had started shaking during our conversation, sweat sheen on her forehead and pupils getting smaller. "Keep talking," Peter hissed as he released her neck again, letting the blood flow. "Keep her out of shock."

"I love you, Bella," I whispered, the first time I'd ever used that name for her and I watched her eyes widen before a tiny smirk appeared. Running sounded from the woods around us but we never bothered to pay attention. "You're my Isabella, you know. Someone no one else really understands or knows but me, but you're Bella too, just Bella."

Peter licked the blood off his hand, using the other to stanch the wound in her neck again. I watched him growl as his eyes darkened from the blood lust but he was in better control than even I was. I had decided breathing wasn't helping my cause but speaking was making me loose all the air I had left. I knew what he was doing though. By holding the blood in his mouth, letting it flow around his venom glands and cross his taste buds, venom would flow at rapid amounts from the glands into his mouth. He'd have more than enough to force into the wound; we'd just need to keep her heart beating and the wound sealed long enough to allow the artery to heal.

I looked down at my mate again. "I should mention now, that I'm probably going to be an asshole. Living with me isn't likely to be easy and I leave my shit everywhere. I'm generally selfish to a very bad point. I smoke Marlboros and I make Char heat me coffee every morning even though I can't drink the stuff. I like country music, that's horrible I know. I love the old rock bands too, so that evens it out."

The tiny smile was still playing on her lips as I spoke. Peter tapped my arm, nodding at his hand on her neck and I closed my eyes as I spoke again. "I want you to remember me, even though I didn't give you every second I should have, and most of those were me being an arrogant asshole. But I still want you to remember so I can show you something much better. It's about to get a lot worse, Sugar. Take a deep breath."

I opened my eyes to see Isabella shutting hers. Peter released his hand, latching onto her neck without any hesitation. I felt the pain fill her as his cheeks deflated some of the blood and venom in his mouth. Her muscles went tense, rigid almost while he forced the wound to be washed in his venom and her blood. He let go, covering the wound back up with his hand as she whimpered and he grabbed her one wrist, biting as deeply as he could before pushing venom into that opened wound as well. His free hand ripped the shirt off his body and he handed me the material.

"Tell her to bite it," he said thickly. "The thigh hurts like hell and you need to hold her neck while I do it."

I nodded, twisting the shirt like a gag and slipping it into her opened mouth. I whispered his instructions to her before slipping my hand down to his and pressing against his hand before he slipped his off quickly and mine replaced it without a seconds notice. He moved down her body, ripping the pants off her legs as he went, parting her thighs but keeping his eyes trained on the area he wanted to bite before he did just that on each major artery.

Her whimpering increased with each bite and I knew she was feeling the pain of his teeth slicing into her skin. Peter looked up, blood on his lips as I watched him lick it off and start the process of gaining venom in his mouth again.

"She screamed loud," he stated. I nodded my agreement. "How much you wanna' bet her lung is damaged from the fall, and the scream?"

"It'll be fine."

"Her heart beat is weaker already, but the venom is rushing the wound," he reasoned. "If her lungs are too weak to handle the pain of the next thirty or so minutes..."

"You're saying her lung might collapse."

"It's possible," stated Carlisle from behind us. I had heard them enter the area a while before but choose to ignore them regardless. "You must be able to scent the bruise. Her lung could have minor damage but it's better her lungs be able to take in huge amounts of air without feeling strained to do so while the wound on her neck heals."

"Take out the gag," Peter ordered, blood and venom running down the sides of his mouth.

Isabella's eyes were still shut tight, every muscle in her body clenched tight in a spasm of pain. I wanted to stroke her face, kiss her skin and tell her it would be okay as I counted down the time until it was over. I couldn't do that yet, and instead I kept my hand forcing the wound closed, feeling a lot less blood pulsing from the major artery and I nodded at Peter to say it was working.

"Release the pressure of blood that's inside," Peter stated. I lifted my hand slightly, feeling blood pour down her neck, but it wasn't pulsing with every beat of her weakened heart. "It's closed," he breathed. "Yes."

I counted down thirty seconds, waiting for the venom to really take hold before her eyes shot open, pupils dilating huge before her back arched off my lap and she let out a guttural scream that twisted my stomach, but I couldn't help but sigh and let out a laugh.

"Yeah, that's it, Sugar," I smirked. "Let it fuckin' loose."

"I think her lung is just fine. You know what they say," Peter sighed. "The less blood they have..."

"The hotter it burns," I finished.

"She's going to have massive scarring on her neck from the amount of venom it's going to take to heal that wound," Peter stated quietly.

I nodded. "We've got worse."

Her pain saturated my emotions and I did my best to push calm into her body while pulling the edge off the pain. It wouldn't help significantly, but it would help to keep her stable for the first little bit. Once she got lost in the burn, everything was up to her. What she regained and what she lost within the fires was all up to her determination. She could give into the flames or she could embrace it. Either way, everything had just changed that little bit more.

Another scream echoed as she withered in my grasp, gasping for air as Emmett leaned down over us both, tugging off his large t-shirt and covering the bottom half of my mate up again. He said nothing, only returned back to his position beside a sobbing Rosalie.

"We've got business to finish," Peter muttered with a shrug, nodding to the family.

"Peter," I said thickly. "Thank you."

He nodded again, a small smile tugging the side of his mouth as Isabella gave out another ear shattering scream that blew away in the wind. "I owed you, but she is something else entirely, Jasper."

**"Yeah, I know." The wind blew again and I scented the air. I had been so caught up in all the blood and my mate that I hadn't noticed a very strong odour coursing through the wind as well. "Why do I smell fire?" I asked no one in particular.**


	24. Chapter 24

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, the Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those I have created for my story, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 24: Chapter 24**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03.**

**Jasper POV **

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"The house was burning last time I saw it," Peter said with humour colouring his tone. "Quite a sight."

"Wait... what?" I was confused but something else was pricking at me. "Where is Edward?"

"Burning six miles that way," Emmett answered off-handedly with a jerk of his thumb in the direction behind him. Sure enough, when I looked up into the sky in that direction looking for proof, hovering above the tips of the trees was thick purplish coloured smoke lingering. A good gust of wind would blow it away. "Stinks if you get too close."

"I'm sure," I agreed before Isabella writhed in my arms again, fingers digging against my granite skin as she keened in pain. "Peter, would you mind starting the trek back to the cabin? I'll catch up when I'm done here."

He looked at me oddly. "Alice..."

"Right now is not the time." My words spoke thousands at once and Peter got the hint. "You okay with that?"

"Perfect," he replied smoothly.

"Good." I watched him grab the bloodied, ripped shirt that had been his off the ground, untwisting the fabric and shaking it out before gently wrapping it around my mate's neck. "You think you can handle her?" I asked.

"She's just a little girl, Jasper," Peter said flatly. The low keens of pain Isabella had been slowly releasing with every breath suddenly turned into a high pitch scream of agony and I became overwhelmed with her pain. Her hand digging into my arm rose and clawed at her neck, only to be pushed back down by Peter's hand. He flinched as another scream filled the air. "A little girl who has the ability to make my ears bleed."

I chuckled, followed by several others who were surrounding us. "You got her?"

He looked at me and shrugged. "Yeah, I got her."

Peter's arms snaked beneath mine, cradling my mate securely and pulling her from my arms to his chest. One of his arms held her under her legs while the other wrapped up around the back of her shoulders, pressing her head to lie in the crook of his shoulder. She whimpered, letting out a moan of pain as her fists clenched against his skin. He shushed her lowly, rocking their bodies before nodding at me and turning to run off in the direction I would soon be following.

Yeah, he had her. I didn't need to worry for a second about that.

"We have some issues to deal with," I said to Carlisle as Peter disappeared from my view. "Can we get them done quickly? I have more important things to be doing that demand my full attention."

"I'm sure," Carlisle muttered dryly.

I chuckled as I turned to smirk at him. "You sound tired, Carlisle. Worn down even."

For the first time in all my years with the Cullen coven, I watched as Carlisle rolled his eyes and let out an indignant snort. His eyes were black, but he was controlled. As he spoke to me, he continued watching his mate pick non-existent fuzz from her tattered clothes. He was slightly shocked but in a state of awe as well as he watched her. Finally, it seemed he was starting to see his mate for someone other than the woman he thought he needed to make him the man he didn't even want to be.

"I wouldn't say worn down but my mind is certainly... overworked. This has been a lot to handle as I'm sure you can understand. Though not impossible to see, just..."

"Incredible, heartbreaking, unbelievable, disappointing," I offered. "I can give you twenty more if you'd like."

"No, those work fine." He sighed at Esme who had turned to look at him with a tiny smile before looking back at me. "I'm not sure whether to want to kill you or thank you. It's a difficult concept and it's beginning to give me a complex."

"You can be angry at me," I replied quietly, looking over at Emmett and Rosalie who were murmuring low to one another, though by their emotions, neither was in a very good place at that time. "You can hate me. It really doesn't make a difference to me, Carlisle. I don't owe you an explanation for my actions but others might. I did what I had to do and the outcome favoured us both, even if you don't see it yet."

He let out a low growl, his head nodding in agreement to my words. "Perhaps. One way or the other, there are other consequences to this... God awful day and we need to discuss options. Also, I give it twenty minutes before someone from the road sees the house burning and notifies the authorities."

A grimace crossed Esme's features and shame saturated her emotions. "I take it you lit the house?" I asked her with a short laugh.

Carlisle's eyebrow lifted as she looked away from us both. Her fingers opened about an inch apart and she whispered, "Just a little." From her profile, she looked quite embarrassed about her actions.

"Well, at least you have the decency to look ashamed," he stated to her. When she said nothing, he shook his head and turned back to look at me. "I don't mind using the fire as a ruse for Bella's death, if that will help you at all."

"You want to help?" I asked, not being able to hide the surprise that coloured my words.

"I don't want to explain to Chief Swan any more than I have to," Carlisle corrected. "I already have to explain the fire, Edward and the wolves."

"They saw me take down Edward," Emmett spoke up. "Watched it, never stepped in."

"And Alice," I added in. "Her presence will be asked about as well."

"Tell me," Carlisle sighed warily, his back turning to the rest of them as we squared off. "Tell me, Jasper. My first companion to this life was killed today and I want to know if he deserved that death."

"He deserved it," I answered simply. From one coven leader to another, I didn't need to say anything more. "The rest are up to you, Carlisle."

His eyes narrowed and sadness filled his emotions. No matter what Edward had done or even the rest of his coven, Carlisle would mourn them just like he would mourn his life. That was unavoidable. His reality had suffered a major blow but for the moment, he was dealing with it remarkably well. Still, he would need to grieve but his mate would pull him through because that's just what they did, it's just how it worked.

"You and I need to meet with the wolves," Carlisle said after a moment of us staring at one another. "As soon as possible if they don't come to us."

"Did you come to any agreement with them at the earlier meeting?"

"No, we did not." His eyes trained on me sharply. "How did you know about the meeting?"

I smirked. "I arranged it. I needed to be invisible."

"I'd ask, but I'm sure you wouldn't answer."

"I wouldn't," I supposed with a shrug.

Carlisle turned his back on me, taking a deep breath before addressing the remaining members of his coven. "Esme, please return to the house, immediately. And refrain from lighting up anything else." She shot him a look but turned and left the cliffs without questioning him. "Emmett, give me your crest, please."

Emmett didn't feel a slight bit surprised at this request. No doubt he had planned for it. Quickly he unclasped the leather bracelet on his wrist, staring at the emblem for a moment before tossing it to Carlisle.

"Rosalie, yours as well," Carlisle added after he tossed Emmett's over the cliff without a second glance. When she hesitated, he growled with tired patience growing thin. "Now, Rosalie!"

She let out a wail of disbelief. "Why? What have I done?"

Carlisle sighed as Emmett looked down ashamed. "Your mate has put our coven in a very dangerous situation by his actions and choices. By allowing humans to know of our secrets, he willingly put his head on the block so to speak, and without much care, ours as well. I refuse to allow his misguided choices to affect my mate and I any more than necessary. When the trip to Volterra is needed, I expect you both to be on the flight with us, because running will only make it worse. Aro will read my thoughts; I have never hid them from him. When he does, I will accept any punishment he gives for my involvement in stride, but I will not put my mate in danger by trying to cover either of your choices and mistakes from him. Are we understanding one another?"

"Yes," Emmett replied. "But I won't be making the flight to Italy."

"Why in the hell not?" Carlisle asked exasperated. "Do you want to be hunted down like dogs? Because that, Emmett, is exactly what they will do."

I stood back silently, allowing Carlisle to reprimand and deal with his coven as he wanted to. It was all very formal in a way but this was how it was done. Actions, punishment, and demands. Carlisle was doing right and I doubted he'd have very much to worry about in Italy when he did arrive.

"I won't _make it_ to Italy," Emmett said strongly. He switched his gaze from Carlisle to me, nodding at something he thought in his own mind and acceptance poured from him.

"You've had nothing to do with Emmett's human family, correct?" Carlisle asked me quietly.

"Other than giving him access to contacts for them, which I assume that's what they were for, absolutely nothing," I lied.

"It's your head," Carlisle whispered quickly.

"It's my mate," I said to myself, too low for anyone else to hear. "I did nothing," I said louder for his benefit. "I don't wish to have the Volturi track me down and kill me. The only human I know who has known of our secrets is Bella, and she's currently changing, as they demanded. I have no reason to fear them."

Carlisle chuckled. "You fear no one, Jasper."

I smiled. "Her."

"True..." He agreed with a smile. Rosalie huffed beside her mate, hissing words at him too fast and too low for either Carlisle or myself to properly hear what she was saying. I only caught bits and pieces. Obviously Carlisle's patience had worn as thin as it would go. He let loose a snarl. "Your crest, Rosalie." Emmett reached over to his mate, shushing her as he unclasped her necklace and tossed it to Carlisle. The fine jewellery took the same trip Emmet's had over the cliffs. "Do you have anything to say for yourself, Emmett?" Carlisle asked.

Emmett's jaw clenched. "Nothing of importance. Are you expecting an apology? Because I refuse to apologize for my family."

"I wasn't expecting much," Carlisle said quietly. "What do you plan to do now?"

Rosalie, having taken all she could, sobbed and turned before running back into the direction of the woods again; leaving the three of us staring in the direction she'd gone. Emmett sighed, sadness washing over him before he turned to look at Carlisle with his face blank of all emotion.

"Well, I plan to die."

...

Carlisle and I stood at the treaty line. He groaned as I let out a low whistle to let the shape-shifters know where our position was. "Calling them like puppies might not be wise," he muttered. "For our sake, I mean."

"It's how Jacob knows it's me," I filled in quickly. "There's no disrespect meant to them but yeah, it is kind of ironic."

Carlisle shrugged and whispered too low for the approaching wolves to hear. "If we manage to make it out this alive..."

"They are terrified of me," I interrupted. "Bella let me in on that secret once."

"You, not me."

I grinned and hit his shoulder. "So make them, Carlisle."

"I haven't a clue how," he muttered unhappily.

Carlisle's treaty with the wolves had been based around several different things. One of which was for the Cullen vampires and the Quileute wolves to peacefully co-exist with one another without fear of fighting and death. The problem with that one was simple: the wolves weren't the least bit afraid of any of the Cullens, minus me. If they thought it necessary, they'd attack without hesitation. And to be honest, they would probably win if they played their cards right and sprung at the appropriate time. But that theory was based on the wolves knowledge of Carlisle's coven and the abilities within, fighting included. I knew for a fact Carlisle was a decent fighter, he just disliked the very thought of violence. Regardless of his preferences, he needed to make a damn good show to the wolves that retaliation for anything would not be accepted or handled lightly.

He needed to make one thing clear: If they attacked ever, he wouldn't waver to kill.

I shook my head and sighed. "Be a vampire."

"Yes..." he trailed off, still feeling confused.

"You'll learn," I chuckled. "Or you _will _die. You've lived too long under the impression that being nice and wishing for peace keeps you safe. It doesn't and it never will. Instead of trying to diffuse a possible situation, create a new situation where it's made clear you won't stand for such action again. One of the best rules to learn, Carlisle, is never let your enemy see any fear they may incite within you. That rule applies to anything you come in contact with that holds the possibility of hurting you. Fear is a weakness and immediately perceived as an easy hit. Do not make yourself an easy hit."

"Okay," he nodded, a simmering anxious fear pounding deep in his emotions. "Anything else?"

I listened as the wolves slowed their pace, coming to a complete stop just a mile away. "Yeah, I don't expect a fight, but damned if some of those boys ain't got hot heads and a wish to prove themselves." I sighed deeply, running a hand roughly over my face. "Just, _be_ a leader. They've got one, _I am _one, and you need _to be _one."

"Lack of respect," he muttered under his breath.

"Yeah, that's part of it," I agreed. "I'm sure they have seen how easily you've allowed your members to take hold of a situation that called for your input only. That is a weakness. In their wolf form, they still regain a sense of humanity, but at the same time, instinctual nature is dominant"

"So?"

"Play on the human, but watch the wolf."

"Never turn my back?"

"Something like that," I said while looking in the direction of the pack that had started moving again. "One more thing, Carlisle."

"Yes, Jasper?"

"You're a good man, and you have the potential to be a _great _vampire. You and me, well we were lucky enough to find two women – mates – who just couldn't give two flying shits where we came from, what we did and to hell with what we will do because they know, and so do we, that they'll be right there standing with us when it happens. That's all that makes the difference now, Carlisle. Not anyone else, not anything we've done, overcome or haven't managed to do or say, it's them – our mates – that'll make us or break us. All that truly matters when the dust settles is what they see and say at the end of it; how they feel. Because they..." I smiled to myself, trailing off in my words as I thought of my mate. "Because she makes my difference. She makes _me_ different. And I couldn't care less what anyone thought of that either."

He cleared his throat unnecessarily, gratitude flowing from him in waves. "Was that it?"

I smiled away from his direction, happy to give him some sort of direction. "Yeah, that was it."

"Good, because as much as I agree with your words and would enjoy continuing the discussion, the wolves are coming and I am sure I heard one shifting into human form a second ago," he told me with a smile. "And you're a good man too, more than you know or try to let on. I am beyond proud to call you a friend, especially when this is over and we've moved on."

"Yes, _a friend _is certainly a title we can do," I smirked. "Emmett said they saw him take Edward down and didn't bother interceding. I wonder why?" I mused to Carlisle.

He chuckled bitterly. "They never liked Edward, which was apparent. They never cared for any of us really; just dealt with the situation they were given."

_Exactly. But why, Carlisle? _"Haven't you ever wondered why they just dealt with our presence, as you put it? If they were so... distrustful and spiteful toward the coven, why not attack and just get it over with sooner? They have the numbers."

He shrugged but I saw the smirk twitch on his lips. "I know what you're doing."

"Do you?"

He shot me a look as the wolves approached closer to the small clearing we had decided to use as our meeting place. "They might not be afraid, to some degree, but they are careful. Careful is good, appropriate... _smart _even when dealing with a coven of our size."

"Smart when dealing with any vampire," I corrected quietly.

"Yes," he agreed at the same level. "But now our numbers are smaller and they have most likely figured we are disbanding to some degree."

"And so?" I murmured, pressing him further. "What does that mean to them?"

"A chance to end us, or get us out for good. Which to choose?" He groused to himself. "If I were them I'd choose the one that would be least harmful..."

"You aren't them," I interrupted.

"I'm not. And with that thought, I'd use what I had to my advantage and remove the issue completely. No chance of needing to relive it again."

I smiled inwardly to myself, praising my manipulation of Carlisle's views and thoughts. In reality, I didn't for one second believe our meeting with the wolves would end in any type of violence that would leave them, or us in lesser numbers than what we arrived with. My goal wasn't to terrify the wolves – not really –and it certainly wasn't to anger Carlisle into doing something irrational or dangerous to his own existence. No my goal was much more complicated than that. I was trying to teach him that outside of his bubble, not everything started with peaceful words and kind actions, and that those same words and actions wouldn't always prevent a fight and it sure as hell wouldn't save his ass in the end if needed.

Carlisle needed to learn, and quickly, that sometimes territory wasn't drawn with invisible lines through the woods. He needed to realize that without knowing it, you might have already crossed one of those non-existent lines that you had no right crossing to begin with. And when that happened, no amount of calm and smiles would get you out of what the other deemed you in the wrong for.

Sometimes, offending a vampire was as simple as not leaving something to show who you were when you crossed through, for others it was the fact you had left something behind. It was a hit and miss situation, but no matter the issues, Carlisle needed to come to the understanding that whether or not it would end violently, his mind always needed to process the situation as how it could possibly end as. His actions would always be different from his thoughts, but he'd always be prepared regardless. Because despite the fact that he may have walked away unharmed, there wasn't a second going by that the other vampire involved wasn't thinking every way they could to end him, even if they were shaking his hand and telling him, 'no harm done'. Every vampire was different, but our mindsets, the protective nature and possessive nature of what was ours never differs, especially for the males.

I had no doubt Carlisle had seen this first hand in all his years, especially during his time with the Volturi, but he'd also sheltered himself for longer than he should have too. He forgot things that should have come naturally. His instincts were hidden behind walls of human traditions and expectations. But we weren't human, not anymore, and Carlisle needed to remember that first and foremost; always.

As a half clothed native boy walked through the tree line at the other end of the clearing, the wolves behind him growled before separating off and surrounding the clearing in a circle formation before also trotting out of the trees, staring at us both. Carlisle turned, eyeing the human speculatively before shaking his head disapprovingly.

"Paul," he muttered too low for the other wolves to hear. "He's the worst in the bunch as far as holding in the temper goes. He cannot receive a direct order from Sam or Jacob while in human form, not like the rest."

"Sam should be standing there," I replied quickly.

"He should," Carlisle agreed heavily. Without saying a word, Carlisle and I both turned our backs to one another, circling the clearing in a tiny formation as we counted the wolves together. "Twelve."

"Are you worried?" I asked after a moment of us watching the wolves while we continued turning together. I didn't need to ask, I could feel his concern and fear, but I wanted him to vocalize it.

"Does how I feel really matter?"

I grinned and nodded, knowing he couldn't see it but everything I wanted him to know he had finally got. "What do you want to do then?" I settled for asking instead.

"I want to go home to Esme," he replied softly. He chuckled at his slip in words. "Scratch that. I want to go to Esme, wherever she wishes that to be."

"Then let's get this done."

We both halted in our movements, backs close together until he took one step forward toward Paul. I kept my eyes trained on the black wolf I knew to be Sam. Jacob's russet colour caught my eye as well. He was a good half of the distance between Paul and Sam, almost as if he were supposed to be the referee in the middle. When he caught my gaze and our eyes met, he gave a little nod and a sharp whine. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant but his emotions were centering on a mixture of calm with undertones of anger.

"I'm sorry if my former coven members have disturbed you at all today," Carlisle began in a quiet tone but I was sure none missed the words in his statement that mattered most. "I was made aware you witnessed the destruction of Edward and I must thank you for not stepping in while Emmett took care of his business."

Paul snorted indignantly along with the wolves before speaking. "Emmett trespassed on our land, he was lucky we didn't slaughter him and the blonde one."

I felt Carlisle's anger swell. "I find it hard to believe that Rosalie crossed any lines into Quileute territory."

"She hadn't," Paul supplied sounding as thought it didn't make a difference in the world. "But I'm sure if we had taken the big one out, she'd have put up a fight too."

"Not willing to take the risk of an injury... or worse?" I asked with my eyes trained on Sam. "Death and wounds are a part of fighting."

Paul let out an inhuman growl from the other side of the clearing. "I am here to speak on Sam's behalf. You may direct your words to me."

"Why?" Carlisle asked irritated. "Why should we speak at all to you? I am here to end our contracts with your people and I haven't the slightest clue why I would need to speak with you about it."

"Your contract is broken, the treaty has been broken," Paul spat back.

"Bella is changing," I told Sam while ignoring the younger boy speaking behind me. Snarls filled the air, paws stomping hard on the forest floor as every ear on the wolves flattened back in anger. I felt the anticipation for a fight fill them but none stepped forward to start. "She is changing because she suffered an injury that otherwise would have resulted in her death. My brother's venom flows through her. Not mine, not Carlisle's and _not a Cullen_."

"That makes no difference," Paul shouted above the quieting snarls and low growls. "You allowed her to be bitten, you allowed her to change."

I titled my head to the side, staring at Jacob as I spoke. "Would you rather she died?" My words spoke thousands at once and I felt every ounce of sadness, fear, concern, and love flow from Jake. "Because she would have. Not that I hadn't planned on doing this soon anyway, but I would have liked for her to have a chance at some semblance of a goodbye to her father. She'll be heartbroken when I have to explain that she won't be coming back to Forks, ever."

"We shouldn't let you leave," Paul muttered hatefully.

"But you will, right?" Carlisle asked, his superiority coming through in his tones. "You will because your leader is smarter and calmer than the rest, correct? That is why he isn't in his human form right now. Because he holds the strings to your actions, he pulls the cords. If he says 'jump', you ask 'how high'. In his human form, he isn't able to hear the thoughts of the others; he isn't able to accurately guess their intentions in any move or situation. Sure, he can bark out a command but its effectiveness is lost when he doesn't fully understand the complete intention of it all."

Carlisle hit the nail on the head with his words and I smiled as I turned to look at Paul. "We will leave unharmed because Sam doesn't want a fight," I stated, finishing Carlisle's thoughts for him. "Because he doesn't like to fight, if he doesn't actually have to. His risks outweigh the reward in any situation, correct? Any loss or injury means he has to explain to a parent, a sibling or an imprint how his mistake cost them a beloved. Why risk it at all? Believe it or not, Paul," I said, glaring in his direction. "Even if I disagree with most of that theory, Sam is very smart to do it that way. It is better for your enemy to wonder why you impose control and assume your capabilities rather than have an in-depth knowledge of your tactics and strengths."

Paul glared right back, complete disdain and disgust filling his every fibre. "We should have killed you all off one by one. It's not as if you wouldn't deserve it, or that we wouldn't be doing the world a service."

"But you can't," I taunted.

"We are leaving," Carlisle hissed, turning to look at Sam's hulking wolf form as he spoke. "And regardless of your pack's desires and plots for my coven, I sincerely hope you know what is best and have some sense of control over them once we are gone. Retaliation from one of them will no longer be tolerated from anyone who currently bears my family name, or the ones who no longer do. I do not control their actions and if you attack them, it will be your life."

I kept a close eye on Paul, watching his form tremble with his anger, fingers clenching and unclenching as he snarled in our direction. "Watch the wolf," I murmured in warning to Carlisle.

"We are leaving," Carlisle repeatedly strongly. Carlisle turned just a bit, enough to make it look as though his back was turned to the boy but in reality, with our vision, he still had him in his sights. "Sam," Carlisle said almost in an offering of sorts.

I looked over at Jacob again who was keeping a very tight eye on Paul still shaking and trembling. "I'll tell her about you," I told him. He looked back at me, the distinct feeling of regret filling him and I couldn't help but wonder what he regretted. "I'll call occasionally." He let out a low whine, head dropping in agreement.

Apparently that was the proverbial back breaking straw. Paul roared in anger as I turned to push calm into him. It was far too late; his anger was already overwhelming him as it was. I could have used my gift in the situation sooner, but Paul was the perfect example of the hot headed wolves I had explained to Carlisle earlier, and this situation was the precise thing Carlisle needed to prove his worth to the wolves. Paul leaned back and sprung – quite far for a human – at Carlisle, phasing in the air, hair exploding from all areas, clothes shredded as his wolf form took over. The other wolves growled and snarled, holding their ground as Sam roared at them before turning his attention back to Paul. Sam was the only wolf to step forward, but Paul was already flying toward Carlisle. No order from his Alpha would stop him midair.

Carlisle crouched, a low snarl leaving his chest and in respect, I automatically stepped back. As the wolf's jaws opened wide, aiming directly at any part of Carlisle he could bite onto, Carlisle stood back up at vampire speed and stepped to the side, kicking Paul hard in the flank just before he reached his previous position. I smirked, impressed by the scene. It wasn't an excellent strategy, and had Paul been more focused on his actions and less on his anger, he probably would have seen Carlisle's move coming.

When Paul slammed into the thick trunk of the trees, bones crunched from the impact. Carlisle didn't make a move at the sound, he never even flinched. The wolf shuddered and shook as his brothers howled into the air, obviously feeling his pain and seeing it first hand from his mind. Something was still stopping them though, Sam had to be giving orders for the rest to hold back and keep their positions but I could feel the strong need in every one of them to fight, the desire to rip, burn and kill.

Bones shifting and popping had my attention back at Paul for a moment. He had phased back to his human form, tears of agony dripping down his cheeks as he clutched at his side. The right side of his ribcage looked severely damaged, the bones no doubt shattered from the impact of him slamming into the tree. Carlisle turned, eyeing the rest of the wolves carefully. His eyes were black; teeth bared in a permanent snarl as he took the situation in and surmised it in his own mind. I stood back quietly, keeping my own eye out on any wolves wanting to go rouge as Paul had.

"Would anyone else like to try that as well?" Carlisle asked his voice laced with venom. "As I said, any retaliation or attack on me or my mate will not be allowed. If you come, I will kill you." Without another word, he turned and walked to Paul, bending down to survey his damage to the boy before speaking again, directing his words at Sam. "Every rib on this side is broken. His shoulder is also broken but it appears to be healing already." His foot slammed down into Paul's shoulder roughly, snapping the slightly healed bone and screams filled the air again. Carlisle placed the bone and stood back up before talking again. "Now it's set correctly. I suggest you get him home and wrap his ribs, immediately."

Carlisle kept his gaze on Sam while the black wolf growled to the wolves around him. A second later his body began shifting, bones moving and hair disappearing as he also returned to his human form. He stood naked, arms flat to his sides and fist clenched in anger as he stared at his injured brother across the way. He walked past us, stopping at Carlisle's right side for a moment to speak as privately as possible.

"Bella's change will be overlooked, but she is not to return to Forks at anytime, regardless of the reasons. Jacob has asked you both be spared, and his reasons are his own and I'm inclined to grant that request. Regardless, I apologize for Paul's actions though the violence was a little much."

"I could have killed him," Carlisle offered snidely. "And it would have been a lot more painful than _that_."

Sam winced at Carlisle's innuendo; venom. Carlisle had meant for his words to hit home and they did just that. "Yeah, well..."

Sirens sounding in the distance had Carlisle perking up again. He shot me a look and I nodded.

"Leave," Sam barked as Paul started screaming in pain, other wolves shifting back to human form to help him.

Carlisle hissed at him, not liking the obvious order but we had other issues. "Carlisle," I muttered.

"And don't come back," Sam finished with a look in my direction.

"We won't."

...

Halfway back to the house, Carlisle stopped running and I stopped as well. We listened to the sirens, gauging how far away they were before either of us spoke.

"Your absence is already explained. Emmett and Rosalie will be easy enough," he said quietly. "I'll just say they took a trip to Seattle for the night."

"Alright," I agreed. "And the rest?"

"Three died," he whispered unhappily. "Esme and I managed to get out alive. I'm sure the house is a lost cause by now. They'll find nothing but ash."

"Charlie?"

"I'll deal with him, the best I can anyway." Carlisle sighed heavily. "I've decided," he stated after a moment of silence.

"On?"

"On thanking you or killing you," he smiled.

I chuckled. "Well, we both know how the latter would end up."

"You're a good friend, Jasper. Thank you for giving us a second chance at whatever this is."

My shoulders shrugged involuntarily. "I don't like to be thanked."

"I know," he replied. Carlisle turned in the direction of the house and waved a hand at me to go. "You had better get moving or Peter will be wondering what happened."

I nodded, hoping he and Esme would make it out of Forks relatively happy. "You have the contacts for Peter when it comes time for the Volturi."

"Yes. Am I correct in assuming you will not be joining us?"

I shook my head but a sly grin appeared. "I wouldn't worry though, a Whitlock will be there."

"Peter?"

"Of course." I hit his shoulder lightly. "Good luck, Carlisle."

He raised an eyebrow at me and mischief poured from him as he said, "You're the one with the newborn mate, Jasper. I think you need all the luck you can find." His resounding laugh at my grimace had me rolling my eyes. "She'll be something else."

"She always was."


	25. Chapter 25

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those I have created for my own plot, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 25: Chapter 25**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and Becky03.**

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**Jasper POV**

I ran swiftly through the forest, avoiding the house and the driveway by taking the long route around. It wasn't as if I couldn't have ran across the road at a speed that no human eyes would be able to see, but I just wasn't willing to put myself at any sort of risk. My only thoughts were on Isabella; getting to her, getting her home, and trying to get her as comfortable as I could. She was the only important thing in my mind.

But there were other things... things I was thinking about at rapid pace because I couldn't help it. Because there had been too many things going on and now, with nothing but the wind rushing in my ears and leaves shuddering in the trees, I could finally process it all in peace. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to process it all.

_Ethan. _

Had I made a mistake there? Peter didn't know of his presence but when he did find out I was sure his words and fists would be flying. I had left Charlotte alone, knowing he'd probably be hard to handle and hoping she'd put whatever she managed to learn in her one year in the wars to good use. I had never trained Charlotte – outside of Maria's camps – but I knew Peter had spent extensive time schooling her. If she was anywhere near his skill of fighting, she'd probably be alright.

But it wasn't so much the coven issues, or his being there that I was worried about. It was just the young boy in general. What exactly had he seen before he was changed and how much of it would he be able to remember as he went? All newborns were violent, crazed and temperamental but sometimes a difficult change or violent situation that threw them into it made them just that little bit worse for wear.

Uncontrollable and angry.

Animals.

Newborns were so predictable for the most part, but at the same time, they could be the exact contradiction to that as well. Regardless, if Ethan followed along with what we all expected from his first year, there would be enough tension and anger going around to feed us all.

And now there was a second newborn being brought in. Ethan no doubt already considered the house to be somewhat of his territory. Another newborn with the same feral instincts as him would only mean adding one mess onto another and then it'd move into a bite straight to another fight. They would both have to be watched around the other. The general motto was the less the better. Meaning, the less vampires surrounding a newborn, the better it is to keep them under control. And for the most part, it's true. Peter could hate me all he wanted for this, but I was glad he'd be around for this, to help me, because I needed as many hands on deck watching Isabella and Ethan as I could get.

My mind drifted straight to my mate again.

_Isabella. Bella... _

For me, she would probably be the easiest to deal with. She just had to know me, see me, and be okay. I just wanted to touch her, calm her and love her. I didn't think it'd be a walk on the beach by any stretch of my imagination but her memories of us would help significantly in getting her to trust Peter and I. Charlotte would be a whole other task all together. Char was female, and regardless of her mated status with Peter, Bella wouldn't be able to hold her calm for long if she felt threatened.

If I remembered correctly, Charlotte was punished once during her short stay in Maria's camp due to an incident where she had crushed another female's skull to dust. No one had ever said why, but after Peter and Char had ran, it all became a hell of a lot more clear then.

But it was all vampire instinct and to a newborn, it's that much harder for them to control and suppress the urges. It wasn't their fault really. They were shoved into a new life, throat in flames, mind overworking and a body whose reactions didn't always follow what the mind was ordering. Being a newborn meant focusing on the most basic of needs; sustaining, surviving and satisfying. Nothing else really mattered until their mind cleared and their focus became easier to get a grip on.

Yet, we'd all been there. Peter, Charlotte and myself, we'd all done the first year too. We had fought those beside us for nothing more than walking across our paths when we hadn't expected it. It was just another urge, one that wasn't easily controlled. We felt threatened by noises we couldn't comprehend, paranoid when everything surrounding us was too quiet and angered when nothing ever seemed to be just as it should. Nothing was the same for a vampire after the change. You remembered the little things at times; the smell of an apple or the colour of a cloud from memory. Yet after the change, it was different again. For some, that was a bitter reality and they fought it every step of the way. For others, they embraced the beauty of their new life and capabilities; dancing in the trees and singing to the wind.

No two vampires, or newborns for that matter, were the same. I couldn't help but wonder how different would Ethan and Isabella be and how that might have affected their first year together.

They had a past together, to some extent. But that had been so long ago in both of their minds that I wondered if either of them would ever remember the other. Would they pull those memories out and become quick allies? Or would those memories bring back something for one that made him or her despise the other? It was hit and miss and I needed to be careful. I couldn't allow slips of the tongue from either of them regarding Isabella's son in Peter's presence. A little mention wouldn't do much but I couldn't have Peter over thinking what I may or may not have done during my moments away from him.

I couldn't take the risk of the Volturi becoming suspicious that perhaps I knew more about Emmett's family than was considered appropriate.

I just... I couldn't allow that, it was too dangerous.

_Lysen._

I had made a guarantee for the child and I wanted – at all costs – to keep that promise. And it wasn't just for him; there was our safety as a family to think about as well. It wasn't that I didn't care for the child, because I did to some extent. His presence would make my mate happy, she would have the chance to be the mother she may have wanted to eventually become and she would watch her son grow...

But there inlaid my problem. No change should be forced upon a person but Lysen would not be allowed to live knowing our secret. It was just another risk that I wasn't willing to take for my mate and I, never mind Peter and Charlotte's choice. It was possible Lysen would have chosen our life too, making a decision to become just another creature of our species, not fully understanding what the consequences to that choice would be.

It didn't make a difference; I had taken away the chance for that choice to be made. I removed him and gave him a new family, a safe life, and Isabella – I hoped – would eventually come to see that I had made the better choice for both her and her son.

Still, I couldn't help but wonder if when she was older, had she stayed human, would she have gone back for him? I wondered if I would ever ask her that question and what would come of it if I did. I never wanted her to forget him, not by a long shot. No, I wanted her to remember him, for what little time she had and I wanted her to appreciate what he now had, things we couldn't give him because of our life and our species.

It wasn't fair to the child. What kind of parent would I be? What advice or guidance did I have to give?

_Violence solves everything._

_By any means necessary._

I had nothing to offer, even if the thought of a child appealed to me. But Lysen, despite his blond hair and striking features, was not my child. Regardless of any emotional response he was able to incite from me, he held no relation to my DNA. He was not my child – even though I loved him, for he was a part of her – he just wasn't mine. It made it hard and thoughts of a future with a little blond boy running through a field calling me 'Daddy' filled my mind. It caused me to wince and slow in my running for only a brief moment.

The word – title – 'Daddy' felt so foreign in my mind. In all my years I'd never had to think of that possibility. I'd never entertained the notion. The desire of having a child to call my own had been taken along with a beating heart and the ability to find compassion for anything other than myself. But I could _see_ it now. I could see curls and shining eyes, little laughter and ten tiny toes, an earth shattering smile and a 'please Daddy, one more book?'

I drew a ragged breath and leaned against a tree for a moment, shaking my head to rid myself of those fantasies.

Because that was just what they were: fantasies, notions, fancies. Lysen would have a much better life without a man like me to call his father.

I had made the better choice. I had. Even if it hurt.

Venom gathered in my throat and I felt the oddest sensation prickling at my eyes. Another hard breath escaped my lips as I pressed my palms to my closed eyelids to rid the new sensation from my body.

_What was that?_

_Even my own emotions were indecipherable. _

_What was wrong with me? _

_Move. Run. Walk. Go. Come on, Jasper, do something else!_

I forced myself to move again, finding Peter's scent quickly and traveling along the route he had gone. We were still quite a way from the cabin and I had lots of time to catch up and make sure I had explained some of the situation he would be arriving home to. I was sure Peter would want my nuts on a silver platter for allowing Charlotte to take on the responsibility of Ethan without someone else to supervise. Peter would be beyond livid. I could understand that. I had expected it.

For a brief moment I thought about Alice again. I had been her...normality, as she put it, while she lived within a world of deluded fantasies. There had been a difference for us, where my fantasies would remain private and secret, her distorted mind allowed her to live within the walls of her own. She'd done this all, created the situations and watched them follow through every damned time.

I wanted to hate her for it. But a part of me, a tiny little part of my mind was whispering to my rational side that without whatever influence Alice had put forth, this would never have been. Our souls didn't reach out to our mates. Our hearts didn't cry for them. Our minds would never seek them. Not until we had found them. I never would have found my entrancing Isabella without Alice's manipulation of our situations.

The vampire had done wrong and more than anything, I wished to see her pay for those actions but at the same time, Alice had done right in her own mind. Not every choice we make would be agreed upon by those around us. My mate was the perfect example. I wanted nothing more than to have her by my side for eternity, but there were a dozen others who no doubt believed my lifestyle was not the best choice for her.

That small part of me realized Alice had done what she did for herself, her dead mate, his son and Isabella. In the process, she'd given me more than I ever deserved as well. If put in her position, I would have done everything in my power to ensure my mate lived on in whatever way possible as well. I had to believe – and I did – that Alice would keep her word in keeping Lysen safe. I'd always be watching in the wings too and if she ever came near my mate or Lysen – more than what I deemed appropriate – I'd kill her myself.

But right now was not the time.

…

Before long I was closing in on Peter. He was running slower than normal, knowing the wind whipping at Bella's skin would probably be painful to some extent. I called out to him, the word traveling in the wind and his soft footfalls slowed to a complete stop. I rounded a few trees, following his response to me calling out his name. Bella's heart was beating hard and I grimaced as it skipped its beat, once, twice and at three times I picked up my pace.

"Thirty yards right," Peter called again.

I jumped a fallen log, pushing the brush to the dirt as I landed louder than I wanted. Peter was leaning against a tree, a whimper Bella in his arms.

"Here," I murmured, my arms outstretched. "I'll take her now. You should move on ahead and get some things set up at the house."

He passed her to me with an odd look on his face and curiosity in his emotions. "There shouldn't be much to set up there," he replied.

I curled my mate into my chest, her fingers clenching and twisting the bloodied fabric of my shirt. Peter reached over as she grunted in pain, teeth snapping together as she bore down through whatever wave of flames was passing through her veins. He unravelled the material wrapped around her neck, checking the wound over before retying the fabric and nodding to himself.

"It's healing, slow but still."

I grunted in response, brushing hair from Isabella's face before kissing her forehead quickly. "Her heart isn't really strong sounding right now," I observed.

"It's been missing beats for the last little while," he agreed. "That's the lack of blood. There's been many before her who hasn't made it through the change for that reason." The growl escaped my lips before I even processed his words completely. He backtracked. "You know that's not what I meant. She'll be fine. Just, I don't know, talk to her or something. We have to get back, the sooner the better. Comfort will help her too I'm sure."

I nodded, letting my anger simmer down before speaking. "You should get moving," I told him again. "Things need preparing at the house."

"Char is there," he said confused.

"She doesn't know about this," I replied with a look down at Bella. "And she might need a little help back at the cabin."

"Why?" He asked with a laugh as we began moving again.

I let out a hard whoosh of air from my lungs before turning to look at my brother with what I hoped was an apologetic face. "I did something, Peter, something that is going to affect us all for a long time."

He stopped running immediately but I was already five steps ahead when I came to a halt as well. I didn't bother turning around as he growled deeply. I felt his fear; anger and a dozen other emotions swirl within him before he finally spoke. "You said Charlotte was okay."

"She is," I amended. "As far as I know."

I heard his skin tighten as he clenched his fists. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means we separated for a while, I really can't tell you much more than that."

"But you said..."

"I know what I said," I snarled, finally turning to look at him. "And I know before I came back to Forks, she was okay where I had left her."

"She went back to the cabin, right?" He asked with eyes black and blazing.

"No," I answered.

"Jasper Whitlock, you son of a ..."

I hissed. "Don't you finish that sentence, Peter."

"You fuckin' lied to me," he roared. His emotions shifted in a flash and he let out a broken sound before he shot me a look that said so many things at once. "She better be okay, Jasper. I did everything I could for you, for your mate. My world stopped so I could help you. I trusted you with my mate. She is everything, my very life... and you lied to me!"

_God... I'm so damn sorry. _

"She was safe," I told him, looking down at Bella who was shuddering from head to toe in pain. "She agreed to help with the aftermath, Peter. I hadn't expected what happened to happen. I gave her the choice, and she chose to help me. You can't ask her, you cannot speak to her about it."

"What did you do?" He asked thickly. "What could have been worth you putting my mate in danger?"

"Someone was left behind, a choice was made and the result of that was something unexpected," I murmured in a hushed tone. I wasn't sure if Isabella could still hear us or not, and I didn't want to risk worrying her for nothing. "A newborn, Peter. They had planned on slaughtering the whole family, except one boy. He was already so close to being done his transformation... she asked me. What was I supposed to do?"

"Who asked you? Charlotte?" He sounded almost frantic as he shot out the questions.

"No, the boy's mother," I whispered.

"Who gives a damn?" Peter shouted, throwing his arms to the sky. "You should have just killed the kid!"

"Don't say that, Peter," I spat. "You have no idea what they put that family through!"

"Because you won't tell me," he shot back.

"Because I can't!" _But I will, eventually. _

Peter roared into the air, walking past my form hissing under his breath before he stopped abruptly and turned around with a finger pointed at my face, eyes black and searching mine for something. "I am going home, and my mate had better be as happy and as healthy as she was before I left her. As far as this _boy_," he spat out disgusted. "_That_ is yours to deal with, yours to train and watch. _Yours_! I will help you with your mate because I am her sire and that is my responsibility, but you chose to bring a newborn that we have no semblance of understanding and what? Did you just expect me to be okay with that? I cannot be fuckin' okay with that!"

"His sire is dead," I stated bitterly, my voice keeping a speed Bella still wouldn't be able to hear. "I killed him, not that he would have been much of an influence for Ethan regardless, but still. I figured I shouldn't leave that rule unbroken. I killed his sire so that made him _my _responsibility. He wouldn't have had any idea what to do when he woke up. I made the choice, Peter; I will deal with the consequences."

He dropped his hand at my words, shaking his head roughly and letting out a deep, disgruntled sigh as disappointment and fear filled him. "I hate you so much right now, Jas," he sighed. "I cannot believe you did this."

"Six days out of seven you usually do," I muttered half heartedly.

"A newborn?" He asked in disbelief. "Two newborn vampires? Why do you do this shit to me?"

"I don't know," I said with a shrug.

"Because you can," he stated hatefully. "Because we let you. Someday, I'm just gonna push you back, Jas. I'm just gonna stop responding to your demands and your requests and this whole thing is going to blow right up in your face."

_You're right, Peter. I've used you both more times than I can count. _

_Why do I do that? _

"Not this time."_ I'm sorry. _

Wind blew through the trees at Peter's silence to my words. He stared at me with a mask of incredulity across his face. "You are an asshole."

"She agreed."

"An _asshole_." _Yes. _

"Yeah, brother, I got that the first time."

"Can't you at least apologize?" He growled out. "Apologize for bringing another newborn into the house."

"I didn't expect Bella to be changed so soon," I offered instead.

He laughed bitterly, looking over his shoulder and spitting venom to the ground in his anger. "So what? You jus' expected us to raise this fuckin' new vampire on our own. An' when you were good an' ready, then what? You'd jus' come stompin' back in all high an' fuckin' mighty with your own new mate an' your cocky fuckin' attitude, shovin' more damned demands an' expectations?" Every one of his words was doused in a sarcasm I couldn't miss. "You're a damned idiot. Good for nothin'."

His accent became a little more pronounced with his mood, but he'd drop it in a second too if he needed. And just by his posture, words and emotions, I knew he was fighting himself to keep control. More than anything he wanted to attack and kill for what I had done and I was positive the only thing holding him back from trying was my mate in my arms.

For once, I let Peter have his say because he deserved it. I wasn't offended by his words, because for the most part, even if he was angry, he was saying exactly what he needed to. And part of it was the truth. I hadn't once taken his or Charlotte's thoughts into much consideration during this whole thing and that wasn't very smart on my part. That didn't make me a very worthy leader, let alone their brother.

As I stared back at Peter's shaking frame, I realized how angry at me he really was. "Damn it, Jasper. I trusted you."

I was hurt though. His words hurt me and that wasn't something I was accustomed to feeling. I dropped my head, averting his gaze. His foot stomped the ground once before I looked up and watched him leave, anger, disappointment, concern and hate swirling through him as he went. One emotion stood out though: shame. He felt ashamed, not of me, but of himself. I couldn't let him feel like that, he hadn't really done anything wrong.

Bella's low whimpers turned into loud keens of pain as she attempted to gasp air into her lungs. I shook my head to rid the emotions Peter had caused me to feel and focused on pushing as much calm and love as I could into Isabella. I could feel her body fighting the manufactured feelings that weren't her own and instead, her physical and emotional agony overwhelmed me for a moment. Obviously my gift wasn't going to help her in those moments, and instead, I cradled her closer to my body, bending down to whisper in her ear as I started a slow run following Peter's left behind trail.

"Hey, Sugar," I whispered to her, hoping my words weren't lost to the sound of rushing air. "I'm here. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I wish you could feel me right now, so I can take away as much of that pain as I can. You're a fighter; you've fought harder battles than most." I took a deep breath, watching the trees whip by before I spoke again. "Do you want me to tell you about him? Lysen I mean? He's so beautiful, just like you. Vital and strong. He has your big brown eyes and these little blond curls. Even as an infant, he feels so deeply, he feels everything. Lysen is gonna be okay, he's gonna be great. He has this family watching out for him, a new life just starting to begin. He'll never remember this, or even know what happened, but he'll always have a reminder of you. I gave him that picture, the one of you standing against the wall. He'll know you, even if he doesn't really know you. I'm so sorry I couldn't have done this differently. But I hope this makes you happy. I..."

I stumbled on my words for a moment before clearing my throat and continuing. "I hope I make you happy."

She made me so vulnerable.

...

I crossed onto the lines of Peter and Char's property with some level of trepidation. I hoped Peter realized that when I asked him to 'take care of things', I meant get Ethan out of the house and far away for the next two to three days. Isabella still smelled rather human, even with venom coursing through her, and it didn't help that her heart would sound like music to his ears and it would be almost too much to resist. I couldn't risk that.

The new scent of a vampire crisscrossing through the trees, followed nearby with Charlotte's as well, had me slowing down considerably. He smelled like citrus and cedar, an odd combination but it wasn't overwhelming like some others I had scented before.

"They're gone," Peter's gruff voice called from the front porch as I walked through the tree line. He'd changed clothes, and by the look of his hair, had a quick shower as well. He licked his palm and turned it toward my direction so I could see the wound as I rounded the porch steps with a screaming Isabella still curled in my arms. "The little bastard attacked me as soon as I walked through the front door. I should have expected it, but damn it, I just figured he'd realize there was a male that lived in the house. I got a hold of him easy enough, but he got a damned good bite in on my hand."

"Char okay?" I asked quietly.

Peter laughed and rocked on the balls of his feet, shaking his head as disbelief filled his emotions. "Yeah, pretty as a peach. Ethan seems to have a liking for her."

I raised my eyebrow in question. "A liking?"

"Char said something about his Mother," Peter answered cryptically.

I made an 'ah' sound of understanding. "Ann," I explained. "That was his mother. She was young, or looked quite young. Blonde, pretty and about the same size as Charlotte. Maybe he's drawing the similarities. That's not a bad thing, Peter. He'll listen to her easier that way."

"I know that," he snapped back quickly. He looked away from me and into the woods for a moment, speaking again without having any eye contact. "He's just typical... violent and it makes me worry about her. He could smell that blood on me and he went nuts. She took him hunting again. We'll have to be travelling to the cities to hunt, the way he wants to feed."

"You seem like you might actually want to help," I mused, trying not to sound arrogant as I did.

He turned to glare at me. "I don't like the boy and I hate the situation even more. Doesn't matter what I want though," he added resentfully.

I nodded again, in somewhat of understanding. "Did you speak to Charlotte?"

"A little," he grumbled.

Bella shuddered and let out a glass shattering wail before Peter sighed and waved for me to enter the cabin. "And what did she say?" I asked as I pushed through the half opened doorway.

Broken pieces of furniture, glass shards and ruined photos littered the floor. Two large holes decorated the hallway way and a big divot in the tiled entrance had my eyes widening. Peter snorted from behind me in a mocking way as I took in the scene in front of me.

"Nice fuckin' mess, huh?" He asked sarcastically. "Since your boy can't hold onto nothing without breaking the shit out of it, Char said you and I will be fixing it. Ain't that just swell?"

"Peachy," I muttered before stepping over the mess and kicking off my muddied shoes. "What did Charlotte have to say about Ethan?"

"Nothing unexpected," Peter replied quietly from behind me. "She's a woman, Jas, and a mother. You knew how she'd be."

"No, actually I didn't," I spat back. I moved through the house quickly, going straight to my own room and placing my mate down in the soft fabric of my bed and blankets. She curled into them almost immediately, clasping onto the material as her wails of pain turned into heart shattering sobs and whispers of wishes for death. I couldn't help but flinch at those words. "You might as well stop asking for that, beautiful," I told her. "That'll never happen."

"Arg!" She screamed, twisting herself further into the blankets before I reached down to stroke her cheeks with the tips of my fingers. "Ple...please!"

"Three days, Isabella," I murmured in response. I turned back to look at Peter who was standing in the doorway with an impassive look on his face. "I didn't know how Char would react, or how she'd feel. I made a decision and yeah, I should have consulted with you, Peter, but I couldn't at the time."

"You know, this would be so much easier for us both had he have been a girl," Peter bitched under his breath.

"The two little girls were slaughtered and buried under a foot of dirt," I explained without much emotion in my tone. "The father was killed after he tried to step in. The mother was locked in a bedroom with Ethan who at the time, was very near the end of his transformation. She was terrified and she was a mess. Yet, she spoke to me like her head was as clear as glass. She knew what she wanted for him, and I couldn't refuse that Peter, I just couldn't."

He sighed and stared at me with a million questions running though his eyes. "You know..."

"Don't bother," I interrupted, not caring what he was about to say. "I get that this won't be easy and believe me, I know how much harder it is going to be with two but I never asked you for help with her or him, if we're being honest here, Peter. I can leave and I will take them both, if you really want me to."

"Just... fuckin' Christ in a shit storm! You know that isn't it," he groaned in a rush of words, rubbing his hands on his face. "You know I'll help you, and Char's dead set on Ethan and whatever he comes along with."

"She has a good heart," I said with a small smile. "Much better than ours."

"_Good heart_," he mocked me. "You're still an asshole."

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "You know I'm sorry. I'd never do something like this unless I thought it absolutely necessary, Peter. You didn't see her face, her tears. Her whole family was just gone and she only asked for him. How could I deny that?"

"You're not God," Peter replied quietly, averting his eyes from my face. "You could have let it play out however it would have without your influence."

"Sometimes..." I trailed off and thought of all the things that had changed for me, and the things that had happened to let it all be as it was now. "Sometimes, God fucks up and someone else has to step in to fix that mistake."

"Well," Peter drawled with a scowl. "Isn't that just _fancy_. And deep. You gonna go speak out for the hungry and needy now? Did that black heart grow three times its size when you laid eyes on your mate?"

"Don't mock me," I warned. "I'm serious, Peter."

"What? Like karma, kismet?" When I looked at him he just rolled his eyes. "You're still an asshole."

"I'm sorry for lying to you and for bringing someone into our family without consulting your opinion. I know I'm a bastard most times, Peter; but I knew she'd be okay. And if you want to kick my ass for this, that's okay too." His eyes narrowed at me and he mumbled under his breath. I knew he was coming back around and I couldn't help but grin at his childish words. "What was that, Peter? Could you say that louder? I think I'm losing my hearing."

He scowled again before saying, "I'm sorry I called you an asshole... even _if _you are one." I just smiled at him.

...

Peter kept an eye on my mate while I showered and changed. I pulled on a pair of jeans and towelled through my hair in an attempt to dry it while Peter hummed a song to Isabella on the bed. She was still curled into the blankets like a child who was sick with a fever. She whimpered and gasped, clawing deeper into the fabric before I heard the telltale rip of the cloth beneath her fingers.

"She's doing well," he told me as I sat on the edge of the bed. "Her heart is much stronger than before."

"Yeah," I agreed.

He waved his hand toward my dresser, motioning at the tied plastic bag on top. I moved off the bed and walked over quickly, ripping open the bag and eyeing the contents filled with confusion.

"What the hell?" I asked in Peter's direction.

"Your boy has some issues I neglected to mention," Peter replied. "Go figure."

"Hey," I snapped. "Dial back on your sarcasm and get to the point."

He sighed deeply and shook his head. "He didn't just attack me because of the blood."

I stared at the natural, temporary hair dye in the bag, along with a set of clippers and several replacement heads to go with it. "The blond bothers him," I filled in the blanks. "The vampire who attacked and held his family hostage was a blond. His hair was about the same length as yours." I shot a look at Peter who was staring out the window with an impassive look. "What about Char?"

"She's female," Peter shrugged. "He's a little hard to understand, Jas. That's all I'm saying."

"It's not his fault."

Peter moved off the bed in a quick motion, grabbing the clippers from the bag and gathering up the replacement heads. "There ain't no way on God's green earth I'm going to dye my hair. I'll cut it off before I do it."

I read the side of the box quickly and grimaced. "Two to three months?" I groaned. "What the fuck?"

Peter snickered and filled with a cocky arrogance as he waved at my hair. "You going to cut em' off then? Because we both know it won't grow back."

_Two to three months. Two to three months. Two to three months. _

_Fuck my life in a general fashion. _

_Just another God damned thing to add. _

"I'll dye it."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

Peter glared at the clippers in his hand with loathing. "I hate that boy at the moment."

"Ethan," I corrected.

He hummed under his breath and walked to my connecting bathroom, muttering as he went.

"Really, I prefer to call him _that boy_ right now."

I didn't bother to correct him.

...

I stared at the reflection in the mirror for an hour before I even spoke a word. It wasn't that I hated it, or the color, but I'd spent nearly two centuries with the same blond curls and it was going to take more than a few short minutes for me to get used to it.

"It doesn't look... bad," Peter laughed from the doorway. "I thought you'd look worse for wear when you were done." I growled at his reflection but said nothing. I drug my fingers through the darkened brown strands, feeling the dye that had saturated every strand glide through my fingertips. The stench from the henna ingredients burned in my airways. "It is different though."

"I don't know what to think," I finally said.

"It's just hair color, Jasper. It'll wash out a little each time until you've got your golden mop back."

My glare had him shutting up quickly. "It's not the color."

"Then what?"

He crossed the bathroom floor and eyed my head with interest. "It's Bella."

"Yeah, this will be a shock," he agreed sullenly. "I hadn't thought about that."

"I did." He ripped the package open to the clippers, plugging the cord into the wall and turning them on. The high buzzing sound had him staring at the offending object with obvious distaste. "You don't have to cut it, Peter. Char bought two dyes."

He grimaced. "I ain't dying my hair," he snapped. "Besides, she's been asking if I'd be willing to cut it."

"Is that even going to work? Our hair is made of stronger proteins than a normal human's."

Peter shrugged. "I think that was the point of the replacement heads."

"You want help?" His shoulders sagged a bit and he nodded before dropping his head low and handing me the clippers. "Military style?" I asked with a grin. Peter only nodded again.

...

I cleaned the mess in the bathroom while Peter sulked in the backyard. I didn't bother asking what his aversion to coloring his hair would be, but I suspected the loss of his hair was just something he had to get used to on his own. Just like my new... color. The stench of the dye lingered in the air but I opened all the windows in the hall and room to get rid of as much as I could.

My eye had always been half on my mate though. I could still feel her pain, her fear and whatever other motions were travelling through her system as she burned. She hadn't screamed for a while, but she had been calling out my name for the last fifteen minutes. I tuned out Peter's mutterings and growls as I walked back into the bedroom. Crawling up into the blankets, I curled against Isabella's back and wrapped my arms around her torso and pulled her as close to my body as I could.

Every inch of her skin felt like a fire had overtaken it. She was damp from sweat, little tendrils of hair sticking to her forehead and cheeks as tears escaped from under her eyelids. A harsh guttural cry left her lips and she pressed her back harder into my body. My thumbs traced a lazy pattern across the sliver of exposed skin along her stomach.

"It's alright," I soothed, kissing the patch of skin behind her ear. "I'm right here, Sugar."

She stopped calling my name and I grasped tight to her body. I let her emotions overwhelm me while I pushed all the pride, love and calm I could into her body. Unlike the last time, I felt her pain subsiding a bit, allowing my own emotions to mingle with hers. But it didn't last long. All too soon her pain flared and she screamed out again, fingers digging into the mattress and I closed my eyes once more.

I didn't bother paying attention to the time, or the sun setting in the sky. Peter watched the television, but I barely heard it below the constant cries and barely intelligible words Isabella continued to give out. I didn't want to focus on anything else. Not the sparkle of the stars, or the bass of Peter's music, or even the lulling sound of whispering winds. No, my only need was her, and her sounds, and her burning skin and those overpowering and devastating emotions neither of us could control.

It was killing me that I had wanted this for her. To some extent I felt like her pain was my fault and I just wanted to take it all away. For an empath, my ability in the situation seemed to be basically useless and that made me feel worthless.

_It's so much easier to forget my own pain when I have hers to focus on. So much easier. _

So I curled against her tighter. Wrapping my legs around hers, intertwining clenched fingers within my palms, and I kissed every patch of scorching skin I could find without moving her too much. Through my lips I whispered songs, stories and anything else that came to mind. I told her what I could remember of my human life, of my two younger sisters, one older sister and a barely seventeen year old brother that tried to enlist in the army with me but couldn't pass for the age he was offering. I whispered about my era, how we lived, the foods we ate and the entertainment we managed to create.

"I think the best memory I have is when Johnny and me stole Momma's cherry pie. It was supposed to be a joke, until the dog found it. Wasn't so funny when Pa whipped our asses with a switch. Of course Momma had a fit about it and told Pa if he whipped us again for anything less than murder, she'd have his hide skinned and hung. She didn't believe in beating a child. But my Pa, he apologized, and that was the first and only time I ever heard him say those words."

I blew air along her neck, hoping it would cool the burn if only for a second. "I don't think he knew a better way to raise a child, really. We hadn't given him many reasons. We were good kids for the most part. Still, from what I remember, he never hit us again and he also never forgot to tell us how proud he was and how much he adored us all. I guess when that change in him came, I wasn't expecting it but I grabbed onto it. Maybe that's why I remember it so well."

Time passed again and I knew we were hitting the second day. Peter travelled back and forth through the house but he didn't bother us for the most part. Occasionally I'd hum a tune and he'd join in from wherever he was located within the cabin, tapping a quick beat with his foot. On and off he'd stop by my open doorway, leaning against the frame and watching quietly.

"Jasper?" Peter asked on one occasion.

"What?" I hissed back through clenched teeth.

"I'm going to call Charlotte on her cell phone. See where she is and how the boy is doing."

"They can't return yet. Her heart is still beating, he won't be able to handle it," I ordered from the bed.

"I know."

"Call then."

He did and I focused on their conversation for a moment. He missed her. Char was teaching Ethan how to properly feed. Ethan was doing decently. Peter was worried. Charlotte knew. I tuned them out again, not really caring at the time. She'd be back and he'd be happy. Peter would take his frustration out on me when he knew I was able and willing. That would end it all and he'd be even happier.

I closed my eyes again, lulling myself into a sense of nothingness as I lost myself within the feeling and sound of my mate and her change. I'd never been able to watch a human change before, and if I were being honest, I wasn't all too interested in watching the differences appear with Isabella either.

There was a part of me that would miss the human sides of her, but the stronger more dominant part of me knew it was better for her to be my equal in every sense of the word instead of a fragile being who needed to hide behind me at every second for protection. More than anything, I wanted to lie under the sky and watch the clouds with her. I wanted to see her crash into the waves of the ocean and search the sandy bottoms. I wanted to hear her unneeded gasps of air when I touched her, feel the desire curl in my stomach when her eyes would darken and watch the sun dance across the prisms of light she'd create as I showed her everything I'd ever known.

I just wanted my mate. And I wanted her to want me.

There wasn't much else I could ask for after that.

...

As the third day came to a start, Peter leaned in my doorway and cleared his throat quietly. "Jasper, you have a visitor."

I rolled over just enough to look at him, hearing my mate's whimpers at the sudden loss of my body's contact with hers. "What?"

"You have a visitor," he repeated.

"No one should be here, Peter."

"He won't leave."

I released the grip I had on my mate, kissing her jaw before moving off the bed and pushing past Peter. Whoever had come had either a death wish, or some very important news that couldn't wait. Either way, any vampire within ten miles of our cabin would have heard Isabella in the throes of her transformation process. They should have known better.

"Do you want me to come?" Peter asked quietly.

I nodded but said nothing else, fighting the urge to crawl back to Isabella and find my comfort secured against her burning flesh. I pulled on my shoes at the door, swinging it open to see Emmett across the large clearing, just outside of the tree line.

Finally, I found my voice. "Peter, stay here."

"I thought..."

"Just stay here."

I crossed the gap between us in little time. Emmett's head stayed turned to the west, watching the forest instead of my approaching form. "I'm sorry for bothering you right now," he apologized as I came to a stop in front of him.

"It's certainly not the best time," I amended quietly. He sighed and turned to look at me with a deep sense of sadness and shame. "I don't know why you came here, Em."

"You know why," he whispered.

I shook my head. "You could have had the wolves do this if that's what you truly wanted."

"They'll need proof," he growled low. "Aro will want to see a memory. I know Bella's going with the Carlisle and Esme. I put some things together, Jasper. Peter doesn't know whatever you're hiding for her. And Char was with you and she isn't here right now."

"She has other things to deal with."

He nodded, breathing deeply before speaking. "I've spent the last two days sitting in the woods trying to understand all this, or make some sense of it. Rosalie stayed with me for the first day but then she just... left. When she did it got worse. You're your own worst critic, you know? No one can point out your own faults and mistakes as well as a person can do it for them self. Fuck, I messed this up so badly."

My jaw clenched as another wave of anguish ripped through my old friend. "You didn't mess anything up, Emmett. You made a choice and you stuck by it. That alone makes you a very good man."

He clenched his teeth, a sob ripping through his chest as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I wish I could cry. If I could cry it would go away. The pain would go away. Something would. I don't know."

"Elizabeth wanted you to know she loves you, more than anything."

He choked back another sob, head nodding jerkily before he planted himself down on the ground below me. I looked down at him. "What are you hiding for her?" He whispered. "What was so important that you destroyed everything I had?"

"I'm sorry for that," I confessed in the same tone. "But you made those choices. You broke rule after rule. But your family... your family saved something so much greater than the rest of us."

"I don't understand," he said confused.

"Why did you come here, Emmett?" I asked again, ignoring his statement. "Did you come here to ask me to kill you? Because I won't do that. Call Carlisle. Or someone else. I won't do it."

"You said they'd always be safe," he mumbled against his hands covering his face.

"Yes," I replied. "Because they have something in their care that means the absolute world to Bella." He stared at me though his fingers, an understanding of my words filtering through his emotions as surprise and shock filled him. "I will never let harm come to them, because they've given me a safe haven for something else."

"Was it worth it?" Emmett croaked out.

"More than worth it."

My heart was hurting for him. Emmett was just barely functioning. His mate would never understand him, but they'd never be able to be apart. The future that they could have had was just beyond his grasp and he lost it all because of selfish desires and a fancy for something he should have let go a long time ago.

_I'll never let mine go. _

"The contact information, the new identities are in the process of being created and then sent to an address in Seattle," he explained to me. He rattled off the address and I committed it to memory for a later date. "I feel like everything I ever had been just ripped from me."

"It was."

"I didn't want to kill you," he told me. "Even knowing you had caused this whole thing. I never blamed you for it. You did what you did for Bella because you loved her. It made me wonder why I couldn't have loved Rose enough to give her nothing less than everything." He sobbed again, fingers tangling in his hair as he shook his head and slammed a fist into the dirt beneath him. "I didn't deserve her."

"None of us deserve our mates, Em. Not when you tally up every wrong you've ever committed," I offered in a quiet murmur. "But it's what you've made of it that makes the difference."

"Jas," he begged.

"Please, Emmett. Do not ask me to do _this._"

_I can't do this to you, Emmett. Don't make me do this._

I felt my chest contract painfully at his next words. "You have to do it. I wanted it to be my choice... please."

"Em, I can't do that. I refuse," I snarled out. "Have you thought about how this would affect me after?"

"I know you've killed others for less, and I think you might need me dead just as badly as my family does," he replied strongly.

I looked at him, really looked at him. His eyes were black and tired. It looked as if he hadn't fed for weeks. His emotions were circling around the same anguished, depressed and scared bunch as before but he was accepting of his fate, he was ready for it. I blew out a breath and shook my head forcefully again.

"You don't know what I need," I bit out. "You know nothing of what I could do."

"Wouldn't you have already done it?" he asked quietly.

_I already have. I knew this. I refused this. I hate you for wanting this._

"What do you want me to say, Emmett?" I sat on the grass as well, crossing my legs and lowering my head to my hands. "Fine, you want to know? Yeah, it's better you be ash. Your family will be safer, my work will be solidified, you'll be happy. But that means I have to _end _you, Em. I'd have to tear you apart and _burn_ you. Don't you understand that?"

"Yeah, I understood that part before I even started the run here."

"You're scared," I whispered. "God, Emmett! Are you scared of _me_?"

"No, not you. I'm terrified of God, or whoever is up there is gonna judge me for my sins and I know that list better than anyone. I'm not scared of death, not anymore," he replied calmly. "But I am afraid to be judged for being the selfish, self-serving thing that I am. I couldn't do it, love her and have them. One way or the other I'd hurt her but I just couldn't give it up. I wasn't good enough."

"Stop," I growled. "Just go to someone else."

_Please, just don't make it be me._

I moved to stand but Emmett caught my wrist and squeezed tightly before asking, "Are you willing to risk it, Jasper? What if they come here?"

I closed my eyes at those words. He was right, so fucking right. He was shoving every little flaw in my plan right in my face without even knowing it and he was helping me to sign his death warrant with every word. He didn't understand, but he was killing me a little with every word too. I couldn't do that.

"Don't ask me," I snarled back. "Not me, Emmett. You are a friend, an ally, a brother of sorts. And you just... you don't fuckin' get it do you? I can't do it!"

"Why not?" He shouted back.

"Because I've never killed someone I cared about," I replied sadly and honestly. "And I'd rather it not be you."

"Jas."

"Don't ask me," I repeated with my voice thick from emotions I had yet to experience in my lifetime. "You do not get to ask me for that."

His blackened eyes filled with venom that could never shed and I swallowed hard. "Jas, you owe me."

_Yeah, I do. I'm so fuckin' sorry I'm going to do this to you, but you're going to hurt me too, and I've never been there before. _

"Fuck," I half mumbled to myself. "God damn it!"

"Jas, you need to kill me and I'm asking you to do it, right now," Emmett said hoarsely. "Please end me, so they can't hurt them because of what I've done."

I wretched my arm free from his grasp and he let his own hand fall limply to the ground in front of him. His head dropped and I tumbled to my knees as well.

"I wish you didn't ask me that," I mumbled brokenly. "I don't want to do this, Emmett."

"I'm sorry."

I moved closer, making the motion to hug him as I gripped this shoulders and he hugged me back. My hands moved from his shoulders to his neck and I grabbed his granite skin roughly, feeling my hands shake from the anger and anguish ripping through my own body. I'd never felt like that before and I could hear Emmett whispering in the background of my own agony.

"Tell her she was so wrong, it was me who wasn't ever good enough for her."

I could feel him suppressing the natural urge to defend himself before I bit into his skin and ripped through his neck. His only scream of pain happened right before his head fell from his shoulders. My fingers grasped and cleaved, pulled and clawed as I bit chunks and tore his skin apart piece by piece. I could hear Peter coming from behind me but that was all I heard. I shoved him off as he pulled tired pulling me away. The pieces were twitching; the venom was burning across my lips. I shuddered out a sob, cursing and roaring in pain.

The sensation prickled at my eyes again and I rubbed the pads of my palms against them to make it stop. Nothing would work.

"I need a fuckin' lighter," I roared at Peter. "Now!"

He dug in his pocket and tossed me a cheap _Bic _with a tacky print on it. I bent down and lit the grass surrounding the pieces of what had once been... someone who had meant something to me. The fire caught, dampened with the flammable venom and I turned and walked away without another word to Peter. I felt him behind me though, asking me what had happened. When he got to close I roared and shoved him half way across the yard, snarling through the prickling sensations and the half heaving sobs that were bubbling through my chest.

I wasn't breaking down. I wasn't.

_I was bending and snapping. My head hurt. Why was the air catching my throat? What were those sounds in my chest? I couldn't catch my breath. I didn't need to breathe. What the hell was wrong with me?_

I had done it because I needed to, because it was the better choice.

_You've just proven your worth. How far would _you _go? Too damned far. _

He wanted it, I'd provided.

_I should have said no. _

Not my fault but by my own hands.

_What did I do? _

As I hit the bedroom, my knees met the floor and I turned into a snarling mess. I wanted to get up, to move and breathe but my mind wasn't cooperating. The air caught in my chest again as I tried forcing the motion back but the sob ripped through me anyway. The prickly sensations beneath my closed lids continued and I furiously rubbed at my eyes to make it disappear. My chest heaved with another cry of pain, anguish overtaking me every step of the way.

This had never happened before because this just wasn't me. This wasn't who I was, it wasn't what I allowed.

_I don't feel. It made me weak. I couldn't be weak. _

I sat on the floor, face in my hands trying to understand exactly what was going on within my own body. How did you comprehend something impossible? Because it was impossible.

I crawled to the side of the bed, standing up before sinking into the blankets and grasping tight to Isabella's form once again. I saw her face, tiny sobs heaving in her chest, little tears filling her lashed and gliding down paled cheeks.

_This was you. _

_Couldn't you feel it? _

_You're breaking down. _

_Your mind was in pain. _

_Your heart was hurting. _

_Couldn't you _feel _it? _

Peter made his way inside the house, stopping just alongside my opened door but not coming close enough to see in. Every scream of her pain covered the sob of my anguish for what I had done. Every one of hers matched mine but she'd never know it.

My body shook and the venom in my eyes gathered as the prickly sensations continued.

Tears that would never fall.

_Tears for what you have done. _

I was crying and I hadn't known that's what it was.

_I was learning to cry. _

I was crying.

_And it hurt. _

I was hurting.

_I felt so weak. _

I was breaking down.

_And that wasn't okay. _

My mind screamed in pain, a memory that'd I would never be able to rid myself of played again and again. I could taste his venom and feel his pain. My jaw clenched as I roared into the blankets to muffle the sound before my shoulders shook with sobs again.

I hadn't been a good enough brother and leader to stop and think of my family's thoughts and opinions.

I'd ruined an entire family without even blinking twice.

I'd hid my mate's son without caring what she might want.

I killed a friend because I hadn't wanted to find another way to get around it.

Peter was shaking and growling outside in the hallway, his body rattling against the wall as I lost control of my gift for a single moment. Emmett had thought he had been the one making mistakes without caring who he hurt in the process but in truth, that title of selfish bastard belonged to no one other than me. As I sobbed against my mate's blazing back, teeth clenching as she screamed through her own pain, I couldn't help but wonder...

_Would I ever be okay?_

_Had I ever been?_

_They made me so vulnerable. _

And I just wasn't worth it.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those I have created for my plot, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 26: Chapter 26**

* * *

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and TheLyricalCutie.**

**The first line to this chapter belongs to Lynette (TheUnderStudy). **

* * *

**Bella POV**

_There really is no true love, unless it is bathed in blood. _

But whose blood had truly shed for _this_?

Mine?

His?

Hers?

Theirs?

The sensation of a hot poker being shoved inside my neck and straight into the back of my throat had me retching out a violent scream that literally shook my bones from the outside in. I felt the need to claw at my neck, to remove the source of the pain but a violent burst of heat scorched through my wrist and it was slapped back down as I cut out another roar of pain. I wanted to twist inward, as if to remove myself from the licks and flicks of fire creeping along the lines of my neck and wrists.

My eyes shot open as I felt my body being moved.

_Hot. Too hot. It's much too hot. No!_

Fire began invading in my senses even more. For a split second, I almost wondered why I couldn't smell my own flesh burning to ashes, considering that was exactly what it felt like. It was a ridiculous thought and even I knew that. But would I always be this confused?

Something clouded my vision and I focused on it, gasping air into my lungs, feeling the sensation of the air ripping into my oesophagus and filling my chest. I thought the deep breaths would help the pain, that breathing through it would get me through this. It didn't help, not when every breath I took was accentuated with a stabbing pain in my lower left side. I couldn't help but whimper.

I focused on that hazy image though squinted eyes. Jasper was still there, talking too quietly for me to understand. There were more than just him, I could hear their low murmurs too but there wasn't a single word that I could make out.

He glanced down at me, just for a single second his eyes caught mine before the fire began licking at my senses again and I retched out another violent screech of pain. I had been far too caught up in that blaze to fully realize my legs were slowly beginning to tingle with a warm sensation to.

_No! _

I yelled in my mind, knowing the heat was starting in that area as well. I tried kicking away, hearing the murmurs of people around me but blood was rushing through my ears so fast that everything seemed like a blur. Still, I kicked, feeling as though I could run from the scorching heat, which I could still get away from it if I could just _move. _

_Please, please! I don't want to burn! I'm not ready to burn for this! _

A muscle in my hand started twitching; I could feel it causing my fingers to move with the spasm as well. That was an odd sensation to me, being able to feel things that had usually gone unnoticed before. Fire was ripping into my flesh without abandon, searing veins slowly, but I could still feel _things_. I wasn't dead, no, not by a long shot. But I was sure on my way to getting there. Venom was smouldering me slowly, eating away at every piece that made me human and I wasn't ready for it yet.

_I didn't want to say goodbye. _

_I had left things unfinished. _

_I never wanted to go into this broken. _

My heart pounded in my chest, the pain from the venom making my body react as it would to any other pain. I curled, trying to move away from it. I kicked, trying to run away from it. And I screamed, trying to release it. Nothing could release it. Nothing.

_I'm not ready for him. _

During my internal struggle, Jasper had cradled my head while Peter wrapped material tightly around my neck. Jas had been right, every little jostle of my body, even if they were trying to be easy, had felt like knives stabbing into my skin. But the coolness of their skin coming in contact with the overheating areas of my body felt like a tiny slice of heaven in my world that was entirely filled with a burning hell.

At some point the jostling of my form stopped and I had been switched into new arms. These arms felt foreign; wrong. Still, they were safe, but they weren't the right comfort. I whimpered before I felt the hot tears glide quickly down my cheeks.

_I don't want to cry. _

_Please... I don't want to hurt anymore. _

_Haven't I hurt enough? _

_Make it stop. God, make it stop. _

The new arms rocked me, pressing my scorching body into his hulking form. I could smell his musky scent, like a hazel flavoured sugar as his voice murmured hushed words into my ear. More sweet breath surrounded me, cool and calming. Winds of cold against heated flames. For a single moment, I felt okay.

_Can I be okay? _

_I want to be okay again. _

Before long, I had shut my eyes again, meditating myself through breathing into a safe place within the depths of my mind. It didn't help the pain and it surely didn't calm the raging waters, but it felt familiar to do it, like an old friend to comfort me. For every breath that entered my body, I felt the comforting sensation of being cradled and rocked as I exhaled. Even through the flames I could feel the beauty, I could hear the serenity.

The whistle of the winds. A bass from the breath. The tone of the burn.

Beauty.

But the beauty was hurting me still, killing me slowly.

We were moving and it didn't help to keep my concentration away from the pain. No, I was thrust right back into the hell that was now my personal companion. Wind slapped at the exposed areas of my body, stinging like a millions bees as he ran with me.

_We're leaving..._

_No!_

_Where was Jasper? _

I fought through the flames to open my eyes and see. I just had to _see him. _He could comfort me through that, even if it wasn't him touching me. I needed to know. The colors and different shades of greens and browns surrounded me. I could see Peter, his granite skin and bloodied marks. I could smell his scent and hear his breath but there was no Jasper. He wasn't there. My body cried out harder with that realization. Some kind of instinct was telling me that Peter was taking me farther away from Jasper. I'd been away from him for far too long and I didn't want to be away from him now. Not now, not when the venom was killing and the fire was burning. Not when my heart was stuttering from pain and my body was bleeding.

Not now.

Not yet.

_Please take me back. _

_Please!_

_Why didn't he come too? _

_Why did he stay? _

Even though I fought it, I became once again lost in the sensation of the heat – too hot – burning away at my flesh.

There was nothing to help me now. This was all on me. The fire was only mine, burning only within me while whoever else was outside of my mind watched carefully, waiting for the normal response and exuding relief at my expense. I wanted to be happy for them, really I did. But the fire, the burning in my flesh and blood couldn't be ignored. I wouldn't blame them, not for the pain, not for the change and certainly not for making the choice to save me, but it hurt and I couldn't deny that I was angry at the _fire. _I was so very angry at the pain; at the burn. Suddenly my world had been shifted and now I was being forced into a hell where there was nothing but me and my burn.

_My _burn.

_My _pain.

_My _fire.

There was nothing but me, a memory and a flame. And those flames were going to take away my memories, or so I had been told. They would take away the reminders and the comforts, my loves and the dreams. It'd singe and char every affection I had for a past that I'd tried so hard to keep as my own, private and locked. I wasn't sure I wanted them to fade, to leave.

The fire was forcing the memories through, making me look back and see what I would lose. It was teasing me, hurting me, making me void again.

_"Hey Bells," my daddy said gruffly as the flight attendant walked a six year old me through the gates to meet my father. It was the first time Renee had allowed me back to Forks since our departure. "How are you feeling, kiddo?"_

_"Kinda tired," I whispered, looking away from his brown eyes when I said it. His eyes were so much like mine. "And maybe a little hungry." I looked hesitantly at the flight attendant before whispering lower to my daddy, "The plane food really sucked butt monkey."_

_"Butt monkey?" He laughed. "I was always told it tasted like ass."_

_I giggled. "Renee says swearing is bad."_

_"She never minded when she was walking out the door," he grumbled under his breath. "Swearing is bad, baby girl."_

_"So why do you swear?" _

_He looked confused, his nose scrunching up as he pondered my question. "I don't know, Bells. Force of habit maybe. You wanna go get something real to eat? Or just get moving on home."_

_"Home," I said with a smile. "I think I want some oatmeal."_

_"Oatmeal?" He laughed again. "Baby that's breakfast food. But I'll make you oatmeal," he quickly amended as my face fell. I smiled and took hold of his large hand with my little one. "I love you Bella, very much."_

_I did look at his eyes that time. "I love you too, Daddy. And I missed you."_

_He looked away but not before I saw the glistening in his eyes. "How do you even remember me?" He sounded so sad, it made me hurt. _

_I guessed the question wasn't meant for my ears but I heard and answered him anyway. _  
_"Because you're my Daddy, and I'd never forget my Daddy."_

_"You promise?" He muttered with a half grin on his face. _

_"Pinky promise."_

_"Forever?"_

_"And ever."_

Oh, my Father. Charlie. I couldn't remember when I had stopped calling him daddy. Or even when I found it hard to refer to him as dad. It was definitely around the time when Renee began monopolizing my time, my vacations, just my everything from him. It was almost as if she had become jealous of how happy I would be when I came home from a visit with my Father, and suddenly the visits slowed until they became non-existent all together. She used the usual excuses time and time again. Charlie was too busy. He wouldn't have time for me that summer. At least she never said he didn't want me there. That would have broken my little heart.

Of course there came an age when I did understand she was lying... when I learned to check phone messages, hack her emails or whatever else. Those excuses she was using for me, she was also using for Charlie. I had felt like she used me for a game of her own specific brand of manipulation. But I loved my mother too, even if she had hurt me more than once, there was a part of me that knew my mother was still very much a child. Renee could never fully see past herself and those wants, not even for her own child.

Another memory of Charlie floated through my mind. It was an inconsequential one, not of much importance but I found myself grasping onto the images as if they would save my very life because in a way, they would. And they would be all I had left of that man when this was over.

I wanted to remember him, forever and ever.

_"Bells!" Charlie bellowed up the stairs. _

_"Yeah?" _

_I heard his quiet murmur to someone below before he responded. "You've got a visitor."_

_"Kay, Dad," I replied. _

_I finished up the last sentence of my paper and left my room, bounding down the stairs at a speed that was usually resulted in me falling flat on my ass. I came to an abrupt halt when I saw Leah Clearwater standing in my front doorway looking back out at the road from the open space. _

_"Hey, Leah," I said warily. _

_"Hi," she muttered tightly. _

_Charlie poked his head through the doorway, shooting me a glace with raised eyebrows as if to ask, 'What was she doing here?' _

_I ignored him. "You want to go outside for a minute?"_

_"Sure."_

_Once away from my father's hearing range, Leah let loose. "Jake is here nearly everyday, Bella. I get why he's doing this, and fuck knows he has too big of a heart to say no, but really, I'd like him home with me a little more often than what he has been."_

_"Leah," I started, only to be interrupted by her rolling eyes. _

_"No, don't bother. He's putting himself in danger, and our people, by helping your... leech boyfriend protect you from your ex. Do you know how fucked up that is?"_

_"Jas isn't my..."_

_"I don't give a shit!"_

_That pissed me off. "Listen, Leah. I get you, and I get this issue you're having but let's get a few things straight okay? I never once asked for Jake's help, he offered. I tell him to go home; he stays because in his mind, that is the right thing to do. And yeah, he's chumming around with someone your 'people' certainly find disgusting, but he's ten times the wolf and man any of them are, because I don't see a single fucking one of them here. So you know what? Instead of acting like a spoiled bitch that had her favourite toy taken away, start acting like an imprint that is damned proud of her man for what he is doing. If you want Jacob home more often, you talk to him about it. I'm not your fucking gopher."_

_Her jaw fell slack for a moment before it popped shut with an audible snap. "Does he know you're here?" I asked after a moment. _

_"No, he was sleeping. I got Paul to bring me," she answered with a look down the road. _

_"I think you should go back home to Jake," I replied bitterly. "Tell him I'll see him tomorrow, if he wants to come," I added as an afterthought. _

_She said nothing, only turned and walked away. I turned to look out at the woods beside my house, knowing Jas had been out there watching our exchange silently. It would just be something else for him to pester me about when he had nothing else to bug the shit out of me with. _

_'Oh, Isabella had a tantrum.' _

_Asshole. _

_I moved quickly back into the house, finding Charlie staring at me curiously. "What was that all about?" He asked once I had shut the door. "That looked pretty heated to me..."_

_"Jake and his time spent here," I answered rather vaguely. _

_"Huh," Charlie replied confused. _

_I looked at him oddly. "Dad, Jake's been over here every day for the last week... That's not really weird for Leah to be wondering what the hell is up. You know? I'm a girl... and he's a boy. Not that anything is happening but it's normal for her to be worried."_

_"Please, Bells," Charlie scoffed. I stopped in my movements to look back at him in question. "Oh come on, Bella!"_

_"What, Dad?" I asked grumpily. "I don't understand."_

_"Everyone who has seen you around lately knows you wouldn't be a threat to Jake, or at least he wouldn't be chasing after you... considering," he trailed off with a small smile. _

_"I'm sorry?" He had me so damned confused. _

_"Bella," he sighed exasperated. _

_"Get to it, Dad," I grumbled. Obviously he was going through one of his father things. "Just spit it out."_

_"Can't you see it?"_

_"See what? What are you talking about Dad?"_

_"My God," he laughed. "Are you really that blind to that boy?"_

_"Jake?" I asked before laughing. "Dad, Jake and –" _

_"No," he interrupted. "Jasper."_

_My mouth dropped open like a fish and I almost asked what in the heck he'd been smoking. "Oh Dad, this again?"_

_He stared at me and shook his head before saying, "Damn Bells, any boy who looks your way gets a nice stare down from that kid. And I gotta say he's a bit intimidating. There ain't anyone within miles who can't see it, or a boy who'd dare to try a thing. Jake certainly isn't a problem..." When I continued to gape at him he chuckled. "You really can't see how he looks at you, do you, Bells? He adores you, sweetheart."_

_"You're crazy."_

_"No way, baby girl. I've been _there_."_

Fire roared around the edges of my memory, singeing it away as the pain consumed me once again. I remembered Jasper saying we were never ready to burn for our sins and he was so right, much more than he could possibly know. I was beginning to feel like the fire was punishment... that I deserved this for some ungodly reason.

I just wanted to die.

_I was going to burn for my wrongs._

I didn't want to. I was trying to tally them up, thinking if I could just admit them, they'd go away and I wouldn't be overwhelmed by this. Stupidly, I believed shoving every fault I'd ever done into the openness of my mind would make this pain recede quicker. That was a ridiculous notion, but I still did it anyway.

I stole candy when I was a kid from a store down the street.

I'd lied.

I punched a girl in the face.

I watched porn.

I'd had premarital sex.

I lusted.

I hit a dog once, mainly because it was trying to bite me, but still.

I smoked a cigarette.

I'd cheated on a test.

I skipped school.

I broke into a private park.

I broke the speed limit.

I drank alcohol.

I'd swore.

I loved him.

I let them hurt him.

I lost my mind.

I gave my own away.

I tried to pretend.

Was I worthy?

What was I burning for?

For Lee?

For Lysen?

For Alice?

For my mother and father?

For the teacher whose apple I threw in the garbage in fifth grade?

For Jasper...

So I burned. The fire consumed my cells, taking away the memories but forcing me to relive and accept them before they vanished. Did I even want to keep them? Could I embrace the wrongs to know the rights within?

_The nurse wearing a tacky Scooby Doo print uniform was screaming at me to push 'just one more time'. I was about to rip her fucking throat out if she said it again. Didn't they understand I was pushing as hard as I fucking could? My god the pain was unbearable. Was he the size of a watermelon?_

_"That's it, push girl, and get him out!"_

_I stared at the yellow of the wall, exhaustion taking over my body as I groaned when I heard, "He's stuck, her frame is so tiny. Come on, a little harder is what we need." _

_So as the contraction ripped across my stomach and through my uterus again, I bore down and pushed again. I had screamed, the sound coming from my stomach and straight out my mouth as his tiny body moved its way through my canal, the feeling of fire surrounded my lower region as his head stretched the sensitive tissues to an unbearable point. I had almost passed out. They called it 'the ring of fire' but there was no way that adequately described that shit-storm of pain. It felt like a knife stabbing my lower spine, air being punched out of my lungs and fire burning my vagina to shreds. No, nothing they'd warned me of could have even remotely prepared me for that horrendous pain. _

_Nothing could have compared. _

_Lee's mother was there, the only woman in the room, other than the doctor assisting, who knew my real name. She stood silently but strongly beside me, waiting for that last gift he would give. The nurses and doctors whispered in hushed tones, avoiding our gazes as they discussed choices or courses of actions. He was too big, I was too small. There was no way someone of my size could push his body through my vagina without having a major tear, or worse, him going into some kind of arrest because he was under duress. I was sure my heart had sunk as they spoke. My fingers released their grip on the plastic rails of the bed as I had dropped to the sweaty blankets beneath me, a deep sob ripping through my chest. _

_Lee's mother leaned over the bed, grabbing my face and forcing me to look her in the eyes as she spoke too low for the others to hear, "I know you're tired and I know you feel like your body can't do this right now, Bella, but you are a woman. You are strong, your body is strong and you were made to do this. You need to push him out, sweetheart. You need to get him out before being in there hurts him, okay?"_

_I'd only shook my head and relayed that I just couldn't do it before she shook her head at me and spoke again. "No, listen to me. Get up, and push him out. Let him meet the world, let him live. Right now, Bella! He needs to come out, right now!"Another contraction had hit as she finished, the monitor beeping a warning that the baby's heartbeat had gone down too low to be considered healthy in the situation. "Right now!" She yelled at me again._

_So I did. I raised my body, bracing myself as the nurses helped to hold my legs back, and I pushed. There was pain, and my eyes saw spots, but he came. His first gasp of air as they suctioned his lungs filled me with pride but it ripped through me with pain as well. _

_Then he cried. It was the most beautiful sound. I cried too._

Those thoughts faded, tearing away at my mind as fire licked around my cheek bones and right under my eyes. The flames took the memories away, that's just what they did. When you became consumed in the pain, your focus was lost and that was it.

But I was going to let it take me now. I was gonna let it burn me, singe me, sear me and kill me. It could do it and I was going to let it now, because I would burn for Jasper, but he was the only one I'd ever be willing do it for.

_Blond curls and sparkling eyes. _

_Sharp remarks and no holds barred. _

He was my mate and I wasn't even completely sure what that meant yet. I knew it meant love, loyalty, forever. I knew it meant anger, arguments, and rough roads. But it was nothing different than what we'd already had, just more of it.

_Playful grins and tickling fingers. _

_Challenging stares and a quick tongue. _

_Salty tears and a distant embrace. _

That was Jasper though. My Jasper. He wouldn't hold back words for fear of hurting me. He'd never back down from any challenge I presented him with. And he'd always be there to catch me if I fell. These were things I knew. I just needed to remember them, those were the key.

_Could you catch her?_ _Every single fuckin' time._

He was mine. The rumbling growls and satisfied purrs. Every pointed word and watchful eye. His protective hands and guarded heart. Mine.

_Running and submitting. _

_Touching and seeing. _

I'd loved once. I'd lost it too. I'd died a little bit for it, and I hated myself because of it, but Jasper... He wasn't that love, or that loss, or that pain. No, he was my comfort for the hurt, the words for the reason, and the right for the wrongs.

_Music and laughing. _

_Language and meaning. _

He was _mine. _

And that was never going to change.

The blaze within my body continued, leaving tiny trails up and down my one arm before contusing into my shoulder. The venom coursing through my neck had worked its way up into my ear canals, re-traveling its paths again and again. Still, I followed along the trails of the fire as it went; feeling like coals were raking over the areas but it was soothing in a way. It was pain but it was becoming a comforting pain.

Fire was calming, it always had been. Warmth from flames kept humans cozy inside their houses. Heat within the body drew another closer to gain that feeling within their own depths. Heat let us live, it let us be comforted and quieted. Fire was beautiful and dangerous. It could mesmerize or it could destroy. I wanted it to do both. I just... wasn't sure how.

_Burn me..._

...

I wasn't sure when I had heard them again or when I could hear them at all. Voices, murmurs, yelling, anger. I called his name. I wanted him close. His whispers were silent reminders, his melody a quiet burn against my skin. Cool. He was a cold in the warmth, but it was so welcomed, so comforted.

I felt my mind tugging at words, wanting to remember what they were triggering but I couldn't bring it forth. It angered me, hurt me, and the tears spilled for all I was losing because of it.

In my mind I was screaming for it to end but it only came out as retching violent sobs.

His voice soothed me deeply again, curing the dull aches but the burning remained. I felt his messages, the emotional streams of pure love. His deep pride and anticipation... but I felt his pain too and I wasn't sure if he knew that he was letting it loose or not, but I felt his pain. He hummed a song, the melody so familiar but I couldn't bring forth the name of the band who sung it, or the words for that matter, until the lyrics flew from his lips in cool bursts against my skin in between his light kisses.

"You're a red string, tied to my finger. A little love letter I carry with me. You're sunshine, smoke rings and cigarettes, outlines and kisses from silver screens. Oh, dear, never saw you comin', oh, my, look what you have done. You're my, favourite song, always on, the tip of my tongue..."

He let the words trail off before blowing air along my neck again while continuing to hum the melody, the deep baritones of his voice lulled me right back into the flames again.

But that was okay.

And I let them take me.

...

The voices were clear again. Fire swelled in my chest, flickering at my legs, arms and even my hair as they spoke.

"We gotta get her washed up," the one male told him.

"Yeah, I know. Can you get me something from Char's closet? Sweats and a tank would probably suit Bella," he replied.

_Bella? _

I mulled it on my tongue. Tasting the name – word – but it didn't feel _right _coming from him.

_Bella? _

_No... _

_B-e-l-l-a. _

_Bella. _

Flickers of memories with darkened faces and blurred surroundings filled my mind. The name was familiar to me. They called me it more times than I understood but not him. I chewed it over again, repeating it to myself every time one of the two men took a breath. I decided I'd deal.

The one male left the room and I counted his footsteps as he travelled through the house. His voice called back to the one beside me. "Long or short ones?"

"Long, Peter," he responded dully.

_Peter... Peter, Peter, Peter. _

_Blond. Smiles. Jokes and fear. Pictures and games. Peter. _

The fire licked my chest rapidly again but I held as tightly as I could to the remnant of what I retained for Peter.

Peter returned to the room without another word before his trailing footsteps left once more and a door closed behind him. Water ran, a pressure release sounded and the male in the room sighed as his hands trailed my burning cheek bone. It felt so nice and I moved toward it for more, whimpering with every shudder I made. I felt the material being tugged from my skin, clothes removed as seams tore. He didn't bother taking them off normally, just tore it softly from my skin.

"Do you want to know what I see now?" He asked me quietly as he walked toward the sounds of running water. He was back again without pause, a cool washcloth dragging across my sensitive skin and washing away the sticky sweat and whatever else that covered me. "Porcelain skin, but it's not to be fooled with being as delicate as it seems. There isn't a flaw on your body, it's quite remarkable... so beautiful." The cloth dragged across my stomach lightly before he was gone from my side, water hitting the cloth before he was once again back to me. "You're hair is a bit longer, not much, more red though. Sharp features, your bone structure has changed slightly but it wouldn't be overwhelming to you in the least." I felt the cloth press against my hip and his finger traced a cursive line on the area. "This is gone though, and it is something you won't get back."

_What is gone? What? _

One more round to the running water and a few more swipes across my skin before he pulled the new clothes over my body and crawled into the blankets beside me once more. I wrapped into him, taking that deep scent in as his arms wrapped around me tightly.

"I apologize for having to undress and wash you. Char would have been better but she's still gone. They'll be back soon, this is almost over," he explained with lips pressed against my cheek. "You're almost done, Isabella."

_Jasper... _

I let his memories consume me.

...

My heart kicked hard, slamming again and again in my chest at a speed I hadn't once felt during the burning. Jasper hissed for Peter and the other man entered the room before Jasper had even finished his sentence. I screamed through clenched teeth, every molecule in my body exploding from the massive pain scorching through at an alarming rate.

But it was receding... my fingers were moving, clenching, clawing and digging. But they weren't burning. The fire was... leaving.

"Almost done, Sugar," I heard Peter whisper. I swore I could feel his grin. He sounded like the type. "You're going to be a magnificent vampire."

"When you open your eyes," Jasper started talking. "You need to focus on us, Isabella. Nothing else. It'll be overwhelming and hard but you can do it."

Another scream resounded from my chest, echoing as the burn travelled back through my limbs at an alarming speed and shot straight into my chest. I arched instinctively, tossing to my right side as the last beat of my heart slammed in my chest. The pain from the beat was unbearable, much worse than any of the burn before it but I held that scream in.

Because it was over.

I could smell them both and I gauged how far from my current spot that they each stood. I refused to open my eyes, letting all my other senses take in what they could before I did. Wind rustled outside, leaves shuddering and grass slapping. Birds chirped and animals danced, water dripped and they breathed. Dull sounds echoed but I couldn't discern them enough to care... but I was curious.

"Please open your eyes," Jasper whispered softly.

And I did. Colors of beige crisscrossed the walls. Divots and dips, uneven marks. Animals, wind, chimes, music and life. Dust, light, dancing and swirling. Beauty and movement, a song and dance. I touched the colors, it cracked. Peter sighed, I tensed. My mind went into overdrive. I flipped backwards, gauging speed but never second guessing. My body crouched, plaster cracking as I hit with my back.

The sound reverberating through my chest and out of my mouth did surprise me, but it sounded right. So I let it loose.

The vampire stared back at me, eyes searching, hands down. He posture spoke volumes. I wanted to attack. My mind was forcing me still but my body threatened the attack. Scars patched across his skin, my mind screamed in response. Everything was in tandem, as it should be, but nothing felt right, not yet. He could hurt me. Would he hurt me? More growls, teeth snapped in warning when a hand reached out. My foot pressed back but met the wall. He needed to stop moving. The birds needed to stop chirping, the bugs needed to stop crawling, the clothes needed to stop rubbing and the buzz of electricity needed to stop ringing. It was too much. Too many scents and sounds. Sweet and salty, burning and breezy, light and heavy. Everything.

_Fight or flight. _

Peter was familiar and his red eyes caught mine before his hand reached upward – even with my warning growl – and he touched the buzz of his hair. He grinned cheekily, I flinched. "Different, huh?" He asked, referring to his hair. I had yet to look at the other vampire across the room; keeping my entire gaze centered on the one I perceived to be the most threatening for the moment.

"Different," I agreed. My voice felt raspy, the fire burning at the back of my throat flamed hotter with every word, regardless, the sounds came flowing like musical notes. I was entranced, intrigued. I loved it almost immediately. I revelled in my voice. "Pretty," I murmured to myself. Immediately my mouth filled with saliva but it burned as I swallowed. More filled and I swallowed again before becoming angered and spitting the rest out on the floor.

"Venom," Peter explained. "It'll be hard to talk for a while. Burns when you swallow. Just an all around shitty addition. I know you're very overwhelmed and scared by us right now, but you gotta look at Jasper, Bella. Just let your recognition come back," he finished softly.

I was already scared enough, my entire body screaming for me to run since my eyes opened. Even more so when he spoke. It made him more real. Peter's scars were a beacon of warning and I desperately wanted to heed it quickly. It wasn't that I believed Peter would hurt me, but he certainly could and I wasn't willing to risk that. But that name – Jasper – sent my body turning to the direction of the other man in the room. I felt him tense but he stayed still regardless of my actions. He said nothing when my gaze fell on his.

_Wrong! _

At first glance he seemed so wrong and my mind wasn't willing to reconsider the visual. I looked away. Wrong. My entire being screamed the word. Brown hair, red eyes, scars. I tensed again, fear filling my every cell. I couldn't process the differences correctly. The hazy memories weren't helping. I growled, snarled, and then sobbed.

"It's okay," Jasper told me.

"I..." I count finish the sentence before venom filled my mouth and the scorching heat burned my throat again. I moved my shoulders in a shrugging motion. Moving felt nice, much better than standing still. Clothes scratched against my skin. It aggravated, I growled. "So many," I said, looking at the floor but referring to his marred skin.

"They're a bit overwhelming," he told me. "But you know me, Isabella."

I wanted to agree but I couldn't speak. My instincts were screaming for me to move, to leave.

_Defend. Protect. Offend. Run!_

I felt something snapping around my body but I couldn't keep my focus on it. Peter moved behind me and I turned before roaring at him. His hands flew up in surrender and he backed against the wall again. I turned as Jasper took a step toward me. I crouched and hissed a warning.

"Look at me again, Isabella," he murmured as he stopped moving once more. "Just _look at me_."

So I did. My eyes dragged along his body, memorizing the lines, the marks, the perfection. Because even flawed, he was enthralling. I could see his commanding stance but it wasn't for me necessarily. Still, he watched me, like a hawk and it unnerved me a little. He was like music too, deep rhythmic breathing, a tapping finger and a voice of bass. Brown strands of hair fell across his eyes and I snarled at him in response.

"Brown?" I asked. One word seemed to work. Less venom, less burn, less sound. "Why?"

"I'm sorry," he replied simply. "You have to see me, Isabella, please. Just focus on me."

My eyes traveled his arms, counting every bite with precise speed. I refused to acknowledge the number, because for every bite, only one still stood alive and it surely wasn't the one who delivered it. My eyes stopped along his face, flinching at the bites along his jaw and the one above his eyebrow. None of them took away from his features, for the man exuded male sexuality in the best of forms – he knew it – my body couldn't help but react slightly to it.

I wanted to reach out and touch him but instincts screamed it was wrong.

He was wrong. Was he?

"I can't," I growled.

He nodded quickly, sensing my dilemma and putting his own hand out for me to touch. I reached back, one finger tracing the divots and lines across his open palms, tracing the patterns of scars along his knuckles and fingers. My mind was roaring danger and my body was whispering for something else entirely.

I needed to touch. I wanted to.

"It's okay," he told me before nodding at Peter. I turned, hissing in response to Peter's movements as he removed himself from our presence. "Close your eyes, Isabella."

I did, trusting his words without thinking. The vivid colors of life left to be replaced by a peach. As soon as my lids closed my body tensed in preparation for the attack, every sound echoed louder in my senses and I immediately opened them back up but his hands were already cupping my cheeks. I could only see deep red eyes looking straight at me.

Fear was gone.

Memories flooded, hazy and clouded. Words whispered, breathy and low.

And I knew.

Nothing else was there but those eyes and I couldn't forget the emotion or the depth. I ignored the marks, the color, the touch and the deep musical voice and stared at the eyes because for the moment that was all I could see.

"Hello," he smiled.

_Mine. You're mine._

"Jasper."

"Yeah," he said in a breathy whisper. "My God, you are stunning."

"Love you," I realized out loud. "I love you."

He nodded, a hard breath escaping him as he did. "Yeah." Music. "Me too."

Then it came, two sets of footsteps running into our area. My body tensed, my mouth curled into a snarl as he released my face and Peter's footsteps followed to our room again. "They're back," he called through the door.

_Who? _

_No!_

I flew into overdrive again, eyes scanning every inch of the room as every sound bombarded my senses once more. I flew away from Jasper's side as he tried to calm me, the emotion flooding my system but the natural urge to run was too strong.

"Sugar, it's okay. It's just Charlotte," he murmured softly. That name didn't ring anything for me. No memories came. "She is safe for you." Female. She was a female. _Charlotte_. I stared at Jasper again, and I saw something different. Marks of protection, of ability and strength. A proof of show for what he was, who he was. _My mate_. I didn't want the female here.

"Calm her," Peter snapped from the hallway.

The force in the words pressed me farther. Control, fear, and movement. Too much.

"Two," I hissed at him. "There are two." Venom flew from my mouth in my rage but I didn't care.  
"Ethan," he explained. "He is new, just like you. Calm, you have to focus on that."

I couldn't.

It was near impossible.

_Fight or flight. _

_Fight or flight. _

_Fight or flight. _

My eyes caught the window and I saw the two figures emerge from the woods. She was tall and blonde. He was taller and... familiar.

_Ethan. _

"Bella," Jasper soothed, more calm flooding me as I moved closer to the window.

That name sent me spinning as I heard the other vampire male outside growl deeply. I tensed again. Three males and one female. I shuddered. Too many. Too much. A strangled sound left my lips and I looked back at Jasper who was still begging me to be calm.

_Fight or flight. _

_Fight or flight. _

_Fight or flight. _

Flight.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: no copyright infringement intended, the Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephanie Meyer, minus those I have created for my plot.**

**Chapter 27: Chapter 27**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS, TheLyricalCutie, and TheUnderStudy.**

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**Bella POV**

_Flight_**.**

With that choice my mind went into overload immediately. Every threat I could see or thought I saw was perceived, calculated and handled in whatever way my mind would process in that moment. Two were outside. Two unknowns. Two dangers. Two I knew, somehow, that I probably couldn't kill. Peter was outside the door. To me he was another unknown, another danger. His voice had held a depth of control and anger as he spoke through the door that I immediately had wanted to cower away from him and leave his presence. The reminder of his scars passed through my mind again and again. Yes, he was my threat too.

There was no way out. I was trapped between one that was terrifying me and two I had no knowledge of other than what they were. Feet slammed outside and I flinched at the realization that I had moved too slowly, thought for too long. They were coming and I hadn't made a decision.

"Jas, come on," Peter snarled from outside the door. "Calm her down or I will come in and do it myself."

My head snapped up at his voice, growling at the door in warning. The running became closer, my breaths short and shallow; almost a pant.

My mind screamed for a decision. My body wouldn't cooperate. I was stuck listening to them, seeing the flashes of movement outside the window and the threats they all held to me.

"Bella," Jasper said from beside me. How had he got there? "Shush, Sugar. Calm down. Breathe slowly. Look at me. I know your mind is hazy and overwhelmed but your thoughts will get better as the day goes on okay? This is just how it feels at the beginning."

Every nerve ending in my body snapped with fire. I needed to move, _now. _His sudden presence was too close, loud movement, calming voices and my eyes widened as everything became that much clearer in my vision. I needed to move. The flight instinct within took over, carrying my body without me even demanding it to. Jasper would follow me, I knew he would. He'd understand the threats, they wouldn't hurt me.

I turned at a speed that shocked even myself, but he was already there blocking my path. Jasper's hands cupped my face again. Cool breath, heady and sweet, crimson pools of understanding and a baritone voice of melody. Patchwork marks crisscrossing along perfect plains of ivory. I shivered, from my head to my toes, _I shivered_.

The noises still surrounded. Angry voices outside a wall of safe keeping, wind whirling through corridors of the world outside. Colours shifted – changed – with every movement I made. So many shades, but I watched the red, the white and the black. I heard the words – his words – of direction and reassurance. I wanted to kiss him. My throat flamed and I choked instead.

"Yeah, look at me, Isabella. You're okay. Can you hear that bird chirping outside on the porch? Damn thing doesn't care how many vampires are near. It made a nest here a couple years ago and comes back every year." I laughed at his words – enthralled with that music as well – and then swallowed the venom. I wanted to talk but every time my mouth opened it filled again. I was so thirsty. "Or how about that little creek behind the house twenty feet into the woods? It has these rocks inside; they're every color you could ever imagine. The water is the clearest of glass and it shimmers."

A crash sounded right outside of the house, followed by growls of warning and more directed words. I heard my name and the other's too but I wasn't moving. I was focusing. My mind was focusing. My body was leaning toward the safety of _him. _

"Am I okay?" I asked as venom pooled around my tongue and I growled in aggravation. I asked because even I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure of myself. "Am I?"

He smiled, perfect white teeth flashing as he did. "You're perfect." Angry voices became soft and slow from outside our walls. I watched him and the wind stopped rushing the sides of the house. The animal sounds dulled and I let my mind wander to him again. He was perfect. Flawed, but so perfect. His lips quirked into a lopsided smirk, he could feel me and I knew it. "You're okay," he said finally, stilling my previous fear and watching my face with every ounce of emotion he felt showing across his own. "You are more than okay."

I kissed him.

I had smelled his scent surrounding me in the room, but it was nothing like tasting it on my tongue. A smoky scent with a ring of black cherries and his venom, not his lips, just the venom as his tongue met mine had the slightest hint of hazelnut. His fingers grasped to my jaw when my lips opened a little wider and tongues explored. I wanted him to taste me too. I wanted to know what I tasted like, if it felt like this to him too. His eyes darkened, lips moving against mine in the roughest rhythm but it felt like silk wrapping me, ribbons covering me – he felt like home.

My hands grasped his waist and he took a step forward as his lips slowed against mine. My cheek turned as his lips lazily created a pattern across the skin and my fingers clenched as the trail left behind scorched in the best of ways. Sensations rocked my core from the smallest of touch, scents filled my mouth and I breathed him in. I suddenly liked the heat – his heat. The burn had killed me but his fulfilled me.

"Let me feed you," I heard his voice breathe against my skin. "You need to feed."

My ears heard the words perfectly and my throat suddenly engulfed in flames once more. Venom saturated my mouth, ridding his lingering scent as I swallowed and held back the keening cry from the burning pain. I knew what he meant. Feeding meant blood.

Red, wet and warm.

_Blood_.

Feed.

My mind was overcome. I needed to feed.

...

All of my concentration was lost as he pulled me from the confines of the room. I focused on the blaze in my throat, letting it tell me what to do. The outside hallway held more colours, pictures, a female's face on paper in frames. She was blonde and beautiful – vampire. Peter's image was held within many photos too, arms wrapped around the woman I had realized must be Charlotte. Very few held Jasper's but one caught my eye and I stopped, tugging his arm roughly to make him explain. He looked at the picture, golden eyes staring back at the person who was capturing the moment. I could see the reflection of the camera in his eyes.

"Animals," he told me. "Their blood makes your eyes golden after a while. You drink from humans, they stay red." I didn't even care. I just wanted to feed. Feeling my lack of concern and desire to quench the burn, he nodded and pulled me along the hall again. "I'll take care of it," he explained as we walked through a living room and into a kitchen. I took in the surroundings quickly as we moved, seeing the damage to the floor and all the things so perfectly placed that made this place their home – my home. "But you'll need to feed from animals too, since the closet towns are so small we cannot afford to all hunt there regularly without someone taking notice. We'll travel, but in the meantime, both you and Ethan will hunt animals in between hunts."

_Ethan. _

The name set off warnings and hazy memories in my mind. His face was blank; I hadn't a clue to bring forward. Did I know him?

"You know him," Jasper answered my confused and wondered emotions. "But you may not remember him."

His low voice told me he didn't want the others to hear what he was saying. We were getting closer to them, their quiet breaths of air was all that let me know their position was only fifteen feet outside of the back door to the kitchen. What was he hiding?

He stopped and grabbed my hand a little tighter to his, fingers interlacing with mine before his free hand reached up to trace along my neck. A path of fire followed and my throat convulsively swallowed from his touch and the near constant venom. I needed to feed but I needed to touch. I wanted to talk but I wanted to feel. My mind reared with confusion and my body didn't respond as it should so I let the confusion wash me, it was so much easier.

His voice brought me out of the scattered place that was my brain and I listened to his whispered words again. "We keep our secrets because it is safer for us that way and it is safer for them." I couldn't understand who or what he was talking about. Nothing in my mind was drawing a picture. He continued. "Right now you're probably too overwhelmed to remember him – " _Who? _"But you will eventually and when you're ready I will explain," he repeated. "Do you understand me, Bella?"

"Isabella," I corrected automatically. It sounded so much better when he said it like that. And I didn't like him talking to me as if I were a child. My anger flared, his eyes softened at the feeling. "I'm not a baby," I groused.

"I'm sorry," he replied softly as his fingers traced another contour on my neck. "You're right."

Someone moved outside, a foot scuffed the ground and my attention was lost again to everything surrounding me. My throat itched, an awkward sensation as my mouth opened and closed in response. The thirst was back, the flames licking my oesophagus again. It hurt and I wanted it gone.

The words fell from my mouth as if they had meant to, as if I never needed to second guess the request. "Feed me?" He was my mate and something inside was telling me his only purpose was keeping me fulfilled and content. And something else burned too. I wanted to watch him hunt for me, see his fingers make the red ribbons flow and let his purpose comfort me.

"Yeah," he grinned.

Three vampires stood outside the door waiting. I stood behind Jasper, my fingers tearing into the material of his grey t-shirt as I tried not to run from the fear that was filling me. I couldn't look at them, not yet. Even with Jasper's high amount of calm he was pushing into my system, and no doubt everyone else's too, I still wanted to just _run. _

"Hey, Sugar," Peter said lightly.

I peeked around Jasper's side, giving the male whose very presence made me shrink a small smile. I caught the gaze of the woman, her red eyes showing compassion and warmth as she stared back quietly. Still, her body was braced should I attack, her right side slightly turned to Peter. I couldn't help but brace my own self as well; she wore the marks of a survivor too. The other vampire – boy – was watching the ground, one foot toeing the grass and digging a hole in the process. His skin held no scars, no warning, and no worry. His blonde hair was wavy, and he stood taller than Charlotte but shorter than both Peter and Jasper. He was young, younger than me. Flecks of blood from his last meal were scattered on his shirt and I noticed the blood stains on the dark jeans he was wearing too.

"Hello," I said to him. Jasper looked down at me surprised but he smiled anyway. I just wanted to know the boy. He didn't scare me, he intrigued me. "I'm Bella."

"Ethan," he replied through a grimace, his face still turned to the ground while he spoke. Venom gathered along the sides of his mouth and he spat it to the ground in frustration. "Damn it!" He snarled.

I shrunk back behind Jasper immediately. Charlotte murmured quietly to the young vampire boy beside her. "You'll get used to it, Ethan. You have to stay calm though," she told him.

Her voice sounded like light chimes in the wind. She was so ... _female. _Even her scent of honey and hazelnut was feminine. I still didn't like her. And I didn't like Jasper looking at her, or talking to her, or even being near her.

Feeling my aggravation and probably jealousy, my mate looked down at me with concerned eyes. His fingers laced with my own again. "Would you like to hunt now?" he asked instead of calling me out on it.

I tasted the wind on my tongue, watching the tree leaves shake from the breeze. I liked it outside. There was so much more and it felt overwhelming but I still liked it. I could hear the heartbeats of the animals within miles of the property. Inside the confines of the house it had been muted a bit, dulled even. But outside they called to me, my venom sang for it and I felt the beats pulse as my own.

"Yes," I hissed in response. "Now."

...

The forest whipped past us as we ran. Running was amazing. Every scent hit me and left before I could process. Images flashed by at blinding speeds but it was still clear. Dew gathered on the ground, drops falling from the leaves in the trees. Heartbeats raced and hooves thundered as the animals ran. The bark on the trees curved and twisted, beautiful patterns catching my attention and I just couldn't help but stop to touch. My fingers traced the lines, carving my own creation as I drew. The bark curled and peeled back like ribbons under my fingers. The heady scent of the trees filled me and I sucked it in to taste. Natural. It tasted so natural.

The wind shifted and with it the pulse of hearts travelled in the breeze. Despite how it called for me – and my body wanted to follow the sounds – I tasted the scent in my mouth, grimacing at the flavour immediately. It was rotten, _wrong_.

My eyes caught Jasper's who was leaning against a fallen log that had managed to crisscross itself onto another upright tree. He was watching me amused a smile playing on his lips as I pointed to the newly carved tree.

"It was pretty," I told him.

"It's better now," he replied.

"I can _see_ everything," I murmured in amazement. "_Everything_."

His eyes never left mine. "Me too."

...

We ran again. I stopped again and again. Attention captured by the smallest of things. The color of the dew, rainbow shades. The sound of a leaf hitting the ground, or the way it shuddered when I passed. Moss was curled, deep seas of browns and greens with bugs crawling and nesting. I had to touch what looked soft, scent what seemed new and watch the music flow by. Everything was a melody in motion, every sound coincided with another.

I was slowly learning that nothing happened without cause from something else. Nothing was just... coincidence in this world. My world. Our world. Everything had reason. I wanted it all.

Jasper slowed ahead of me and my fingers reached out to touch the knot in the tree as I passed. I stopped behind him anyway, revelling in the curve of the mark, the natural swirl and dips. They were like little pathways leading to something bigger. The tree lived.

"Do you trust me?" He asked from beside me.

I could hear cars and life. Music thumped from crappy speakers. I hadn't a clue where we were. I didn't even care. I didn't bother to look at him when I answered. "Of course," I said. Pain flared in my throat when heartbeats rushed my senses.

"Hold your breath," Jasper ordered. I did look at him then. Frustrated I shook my head as an answer. "Sweetheart, I can't have you running out into the middle of the highway because the sounds get louder and you get curious. Can you hear the people? There's a gas station about five miles away. I happen to know the owner has a fancy for things he shouldn't in his spare time. I thought it appropriate. But I can't clean up a mess like you'd create if you smell them. It's why we stopped here and not further in."

"Okay," I quietly agreed. Even if the heartbeats were dulled because of everything else surrounding, I couldn't help but admit how my body was urging me forward. I took the deep breath and forced my mouth to stay shut before he nodded, mouthed 'five minutes' and ran off faster than lightning could strike.

As soon as he was gone I panicked. My lungs felt like they were hurting, but I knew it was impossible. He'd already told me we didn't need to breathe. He had explained as we ran. Still, I didn't like him being gone. I didn't want him where I couldn't see him. My fingers twitched and teeth clenched. I let my mind wander to ease the nerves. I wondered what he meant by the man and his 'fancies' and how did he know anyway? Could I feed from a human? I had been human. The thirst made its appearance again and I lost that thought immediately. Quenching it was all that mattered now.

Before I had realized it, my feet had begun walking closer to the sounds I had been trying to ignore to the best of my ability. I wanted to trust him – I did. I stopped walking, stepping backward instead.

My mind chanted 'five minutes' over and over.

Time passed and I watched the clouds crawl. I counted the seconds, fingers tapping and eyes blinking. And then I heard running again, his feet slamming into the forest floor as a thumping heart followed with shallow breathing. There was no screaming, no pleading, just him and a heartbeat. The closer he got the clearer it became. My eyes blackened, I could hear the blood pulsing through the meal and I drew a ragged breath through clenched teeth, fists opening into claws as the delectable, heavenly aroma saturated my senses and I ran for it.

Following his footsteps I realized he was moving farther in. I growled loudly, hearing it echo my warning through the forest. Why was he taking my meal from me? It was mine.

I pushed harder, running faster before a very human groan had me nearly salivating in need. The thud sounded, weight hitting the forest floor. Jasper called my name, I followed without guessing. I curved my run up a hill, finding them both at the bottom. His fingers were clasped to the human's neck, nails digging into the skin and readying to break the man's neck.

The human wasn't moving and his arm was broken. Jasper looked up at me, eyes black and he smiled. "Are you thirsty?"

I couldn't answer, his fingers broke the skin and my mind was gone. The color red poured, air gasping from the body as my legs carried me to the streams flowing down peach coloured skin. My fingers grabbed, pulling the body from the other vampire and ripping through the flesh as if it were made of nothing but weak paper. Blood sprayed, the taste biting my tongue like fire as I latched onto the struggling pulse and pulled. Teeth bit down further, opening the wound wider and dulling the flames within my body. The vampire moved and I snarled in warning, blood spitting from my mouth and spraying his jeans. My hands released the body, grasping again and tearing through flesh and bone once more as I repositioned myself to have a better watch on the male who might take my meal.

The fog cleared as the blood drained around my fingers and dampened my clothes while the heaven slipped across my tongue and down my throat. Jasper stared on, his mouth slightly open and his breaths shallow but he smiled.

I hadn't even noticed when the heartbeat stopped. I didn't hear the last breath breathed. And I realized that I just didn't care.

I was a vampire, I was _his _mate and I was okay.

...

I sat on the forest floor, clothes wet and stained. My eyes were glued to Jasper as he dug a deep hole around the twisted roots of a tree. I could see he was watching me too. Waiting for an explosion of some sort or maybe the guilt some felt. I amazed myself by feeling none of it. He buried the ruined body quickly, filling in the hole and covering it with brush and leaves before patting around on top of it and looking back at me with an inquisitive stare.

"What?" I asked as a beetle buzzed past me on the ground. Its little legs pattered on the ground and I tapped my finger in rhythm with it. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I growled when he didn't answer.

His hands flew up and calm filled me. "I'm sorry, I just wasn't sure what to assume of after you fed."

"You brought me to it," I replied with a shrug. It was the truth. My ability to talk was much better when I could focus on it. "I wanted to feed."

His eyes darkened. "You're okay?"

"I'm still thirsty," I whispered.

"Of course," he smiled, coming over and bending down in front of me. His fingers curled a tendril of my hair, blood trailing on his hand from the lock. "Let's find you an animal."

I shook my head immediately. "No, they smell horrifying."

"They taste as much too but it's safest with the amount of vampire's in our coven for this area. Okay?"

"Please?" I begged.

"Animals," he ordered.

I snarled, suddenly overcome by intense anger and aggravation. "No," I hissed out.

I felt his gift pulse into my body, wrapping through my chest and I sagged a bit at the feeling. I met his eyes and saw the concern but no anger. I felt guilty. "Animals?" he asked. I nodded sullenly. His lips pressed to mine and I smiled against them as he grinned. "Let's go find you something decent then."

Something decent still tasted like shit. Fur clung to me and I was even more covered in blood than before. I had gagged when the blood filled my mouth, roared when the animal ripped my pants and threw the carcass sixty feet away when it became drained dry. It tasted disgusting, it fought too hard and there wasn't enough. It was horrible. I sulked and Jasper chuckled. I was going to hit him, or bite him if he didn't stop.

"Stop laughing," I warned.

His chuckles died. "Do you feel better?"

"Full," I snapped back.

"Isabella," he said with a voice of reason.

I shrugged him off and started the run back home. I just followed our scents, keeping to the trail we'd left and stopping occasionally to carve lines into the bark of the trees. Jasper stayed behind me but I could feel the apology through his emotions. I knew it wasn't his fault. My mind was occupied by a million things. Every thought that began usually ended before it should and started with something new. This wasn't easy and it wouldn't be for him either. I just didn't want to admit it out loud.

My fingers ripped through bark, my scent covering the small part of the tree and I looked back at my mate who was watching me with a proud look on his face. "What now?" I asked through a sigh of aggravation.

"Do you understand what you're doing?"

I looked at the tree and shrugged indifferently. "Not really."

"What do you think of this place?" He questioned me with a raised eyebrow. He was very smug. "When you do that, what does it feel like?"

"It's mine," I muttered as I carved another line and pressed my palm hard to the tree.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Have you noticed anything else?"

I had but they hadn't bothered me really. "Ethan leaves toed holes in the ground. Peter breaks brush. That female –"

"Charlotte," Jasper interjected quickly. "She has a name, Sugar."

"I don't like her," I grumbled and turned around to look at him.

"Yeah I felt that. Regardless –"

I interrupted him immediately. "I don't like you around her." Saying it out loud to him felt better.

He sighed and moved toward me, hand tracing the marks along the tree where I had carved. "I run a parameter around what we consider to be our land once a week. I will kill something, doesn't matter if it's an animal or human and spread the blood around the parameter. This is our home and it's not to be invaded. We should always feel safe. What you are doing and what you've seen from the others is just another show of the coven or family. It lets who ever had crossed see our numbers, smell the genders, heed the warnings."

I asked the question before I even thought it through. "Did Carlisle do what you did?"

His eyes narrowed. "Do you remember a lot about the Cullens?" he asked instead.

I shrugged. Really what I could remember was faint. I knew they hadn't loved as they said. I knew they lied. They weren't a family. "A little," I supplied.

Jasper looked at me and nodded. "Carlisle thought it unnecessary to mark his space."

"I think it's more than necessary," I replied. Unless invited, I didn't want any threats to my mate.

Jasper only smiled. "As far as Charlotte..." I growled but the warning look he shot me had me pouting at the tree. "I know it's hard but you're going to need to learn to understand the differences between a perceived threat and an actual threat, be it physical or emotional."

"She's a female," I whispered. "I just... can't help it."

"For now," he soothed me, hand pressing against my lower back while his thumb moved a lazy pattern back and forth against the exposed skin. "But it will get better. Try to remember my mate, you are mine and I am yours. Charlotte is very much in love and attached to Peter. Your worry is all in your mind; it's unfounded for the most part. You'll understand as we go along."

I turned around to see him again, my fingers reaching up and tracing the marks on his face before ghosting along the scars on his neck. He hummed low and throaty at the feeling, fingers gripping to my waist as I smiled, happy I could make him feel as he did me.

"Would you like to see yourself?" he asked when his eyes opened to meet mine.

That question pricked at me. I didn't understand. I was still me right? "Why?"

"Because you're so beautiful and you should see it," he responded light heartedly before grabbing onto my hand and pulling me along the trails. We were so close to the cabin I could see it through the trees. I listened to the dribble of water as it babbled across pebbles and stones. We stopped at the tiny creek he had mentioned earlier. The water sparkled, rocks barely moving beneath the current. Jasper pulled me down to kneel beside him and waved toward the water. "Look, Isabella."

I did and my eyes widened at the reflection staring back in the clear water. I couldn't remember myself perfectly before the change but the differences I could discern were enthralling. My features were sharper, perfect and smooth. Lashes thicker, framing red orbs that glowed from the recent meal. My hair had thickened more, red streams showing more through the curls and waves. Every line was perfected and smooth. My lips had become more pronounced and sexy. I touched the image in the water, watching the ripples from my finger wash it away. When it cleared, I was still there staring back at the face I now owned. The marks on my neck caught my eye, it resembled what I could remember of a human who had been scarred from a fire. My fingers pressed against my neck, feeling the imperfect skin under my tips as I wondered what had happened.

Hazy memories consumed me for a moment. I could see the cliffs again; I hear the rushing waters. There was pain on two faces, and I felt the hot tears that had slid across my cheeks. Mouths moved, blindly speeded words spoken. I couldn't pull it forward; I couldn't remember what was said. Pain clouded at the realization that my mind was losing the memories because I just couldn't keep myself focused.

Where was my son? Was he alive?

Words rolled in from the past. 'All is safe.' But what did that mean?

Alice had done this. All of it.

"Oh!" I sobbed as I cupped my neck and let the new memories take their place in my mind. "Is she alive?" It was all I could think to ask him while I gasped for more air.

He sighed hard, red eyes searching mine, before he finally answered. "I didn't kill her - for a few reasons. I didn't have the chance. We'll be watching though."

"Why didn't you kill her?" I roared, pushing into him and slamming him back to the ground. The anger overwhelmed me, and I snarled as venom flew between us. He stared at me, refusing to move or fight back when I struck out at him again with my hand. "God, don't you know what she did? Where is my son?" I asked through a low hiss.

He ignored my question. "Yes, I know. Better than you," he replied. "I saw it firsthand, Isabella. But Alice did what she needed –"

"Don't," I warned, my finger pointing directly at him as I said it. "Do not say what I think you're about to say. I'll kill her myself!"

With those words, I walked away, but he called out behind me. "When you're ready, I'll be right beside you. But right now, you just can't."

Why did he not kill her? How did he not care?

Alice, Alice, Alice. The bitch was going to die. She was my mantra.

"I'll kill the bitch myself," I repeated, knowing he'd hear me.

...

I'd fought the urge to run from Peter and Charlotte when I entered the house. Ethan was out front lying on the lawn and watching the sky. I didn't care. Immediately they had sensed something was wrong. Peter asked, I snarled and threw a vase at him. Charlotte growled in warning but Jasper was already walking through the back door with a look on his face that told everyone to shut the fuck up. I shrunk back from his gaze, slipping down the hallway and into our room.

It was safe for me, comfort. I could think and hear, see and smell but just be alone. Jasper walked in right behind me, sadness washing over his features as I stared at the wall in silence. Everything was still overwhelming to me. My thoughts were at best, a jumble of a mess; my anger consuming and the hate was a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Why?" I asked quietly. The glands in my mouth pounded out the venom in my anger. I was becoming lost again. The burn was back. I was so angry.

"Not here, okay? Outside. In the woods. Away from ears, Isabella, but not here. Is that clear?"

Before I'd processed my actions, I grabbed the bedside table and whipped it at him. He didn't even move, letting the wood crash against his chest and splinter into a hundred pieces as it fell to the floor.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You say that too much," I growled.

His pain burst from his gift, hitting me in the gut and I flinched from the feeling. Had I made him feel like that? "I'm trying," he whispered. "That's all I can say."

"Everything is..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

He finished the sentence as if he were always meant to. "Too much."

"I'm sorry," I whimpered.

He shrugged, brown hair falling in front of his eyes as he bent down to pick up the pieces of wood on the floor. "Help me pick this up, Char's rules. You break it, you fix it."

I stared at him but moved to his position and started cleaning up my mess. Every piece I grabbed crushed beneath my fingers. Splinters and dusk scattered to the floor. The sounds of crushing wood reverberated in my ears. I was still angry, everything was so aggravating. I hissed and sat on the floor in my frustration. Jasper looked at me with weary eyes. Without a word he positioned my arms and piled the broken pieces in them.

"Take them outside and dump 'em out by the fire pit, okay?"

"Kay," I muttered disgruntled.

"We'll work on your strength and control a little every day. It'll get better every day. This isn't ever easy, Sugar. But we understand."

Peter was waiting by the back door with it swung wide open for me to get through. I walked out into the cloud filled day and dropped the remains of the bedside table to the ground where I had been told. I didn't want to go back in just yet. Peter had come outside and stood quietly behind me.

"You wanna talk it out?" he asked. "With someone other than Jas?"

I shrugged and sat down by the stone fire pit. "I'm thirsty already," I said instead.

Peter laughed and came to sit beside me. My eyes travelled the length of his arm, counting the bites and tallying up the total in my head. Too many. I shivered. Peter saw and gave me a hesitant smile as he traced one rather nasty looking bite on his arm.

"Scary right?" I nodded my agreement at the question. "This one," he pointed to the one he'd just traced. "Was from your mate the first day I woke up. I lunged at him; he bit me and held me down." He pointed to another one and then two more. "These were from a newborn I ripped apart for trying to rape my Charlotte."

I swallowed thickly at his words. I had to admit, him telling me the story of them helped. I was relaxing toward him and Jas had been right, it was getting easier to just be as the day went on and I let my mind process it all. "Jas bit you?"

"Many times," Peter chuckled darkly. "He's got a few from me too." I growled, unable to control it and Peter gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I should have known better."

"It's not your fault," I mumbled as I pulled my knees up to my chest and sighed.

"It's not yours either," Peter said as his hand wrapped around my shoulder and pulled me to his side. I took in his scent; maple and hazelnut. He was okay. "Just remember that, alright?"

A throat cleared from behind us and I turned to see Jasper nodding for Peter to leave. He smiled at me and winked suggestively before moving back into the house. "Did you tell that woman I was sorry for breaking her stuff?"

Jasper's eyes rolled. "Charlotte," he corrected. I muttered a 'whatever' in a very childlike fashion under my breath before he continued. "She understands. And besides, that was my stuff, our stuff."

"Oh," I said quietly.

"Yeah." He sat down beside me, lying down on the grass with his hands behind his head. He looked so comfortable, peaceful even. His fingers grasped around my wrist and he tugged me down to the ground with him. My body curled against his automatically, my face pressing against his neck to taste his scent. "The sun is coming out," he told me.

I looked up, seeing the rays of light hit us both as prisms of color bounced from our skin. Even imperfect, we both shone. Even flawed, he looked like a broken, blackened angel that had been pieced back together. My fingers traced his face and he smiled before letting out a low purr when I bent down and licked his jaw.

"What was that?" he rumbled through the deep sound of content.

"You taste like smoke and cherries."

He barked a laugh and the heat of the sun saturated us. "Did it get better?" he asked with a small smile. "This day?"

It had. He had. Little by little, it had. Things were still there, dancing and singing, every scent and sight. I watched, it moved, we lay in silence. But it had gotten better.

"Do you love me?" I asked instead.

His fingers curled in my hair, twisting the strands before silken lips pressed against my cheek. He was mine. The love saturated me, pressing into my soul and wrapping every nerve.

It felt amazing and my breath caught. Still, I wanted to _hear _it. "Say it."

His voice whispered against my skin, words escaping with his breath. "I love you."


	28. Chapter 28

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer, minus those I have created for my plot. **

* * *

**Chapter 28 **

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS and TheLyricalCutie.**

**Bella POV**

The day moved from the first to the next after the day I woke up. Ethan preferred the outside away from the rest of us in his own quiet place but when he did come in, he never said a word and moved straight to his little area; the basement. On the second day, Charlotte left without any explanation and came back with bags filling a new car. I didn't even care about the model but Peter was busy grumbling how it wasn't his truck and that Jasper had better be looking for a new one. Obviously there was something I was missing. Regardless, Jasper grabbed the bags from Charlotte, thanking her for getting what he needed – and my resounding growl echoed through the house – before he pawed through the items.

Women and men's clothes stacked up on the kitchen counters. Ethan had finally made his appearance from the outside to see what Charlotte had brought home. I moved silently behind Jasper because now that everyone was in the same room, I began to feel confined again. I reached out and touched a blue shirt that shimmered from the type of material it was. My finger didn't rip through, I was impressed and giddy. I grabbed it, thinking I was okay but my fingers tore holes right through the seams.

Jasper didn't even look at me as he chuckled, but my aggravation was already spinning through the roof. With a frustrated sigh I threw the now ruined piece of clothing to the counter and stormed out the back door of the kitchen. No one followed but I heard Jas' quiet murmur of, 'leave her be for a moment'.

After ten minutes of me hissing to myself, trying to get the aggravation of my situation gone, a quiet 'hey' sounded from behind me. I turned fast, surprised and scared that someone had cornered me. It was the first real look I had gotten of the boy. For the most part we stayed away from each other and Ethan was always off in a corner being quiet. When I looked at his face it was hard not to remember things – little things. He brought back a memory of Lee, then another of me running through a kitchen as two girls chased behind.

"Ethan," I said out loud.

"Yeah," he replied with an odd look.

"You don't..." I trailed off realizing he didn't really know me, not anymore.

"What?"

The backdoor slamming had us both crouching and staring at the place where the noise had come from. Jasper and Peter walked across the grass holding items in their hands. The sky was starting to darken and clouds filled the darkened blue.

"We're going to start working on your strength," Jasper told me when they came to a stop. Ethan turned back to eye me warily but I ignored him for a moment. Jasper un-wrapped the plastic cellophane from a deck of playing cards, opening up the tab and pulling the deck out into his other palm before shoving the empty carton into his pocket. "Pick a card, Bella," he ordered.

I just gaped at him a little confused. He was holding he deck flat not spread out. "How?"

"Take the top," he suggested. When my hand reached out to press one finger to the bottom of the deck and the other to the top card as if to slide it, Jas snatched the deck back. "Nuh-uh. Two fingers and on the top card only."

Peter had pulled out another deck for Ethan, holding it out in a similar fashion as Jas had while he spoke. "This only teaches you to some extent. But you'll learn the feel of pressure beneath your fingers. Jasper had Char pick up some other things as well, different stuff to allow you to get a feel for different levels of pressure and touch. As far as dressing yourselves," he muttered with a look at Ethan who only stared at the ground. "You will need help."

I looked back at Jasper who was smiling softly as he nodded toward the deck of cards. He was going to help dress me? Or someone else? I didn't ask, instead reaching out again to pull a card from the deck but instead of just one, I slid against four and tore them with the tips of my fingers as I slid them back. Beside me, Ethan did the same as he pulled out six cards.

"This is... stupid," I muttered.

"No, this is life," Jasper replied. "It's frustrating and ridiculous. But it is our life. You've got to relearn how to touch, how to see, how to perceive."

"For everything?" I asked quietly.

Ethan snarled at Peter as he tried pulling another few cards from the pile and failed. Peter's hand immediately flew up as if to order him to stop but Ethan was already storming back to the house. I watched him go.

"Issues," Peter told Jasper bitterly. "He's got them."

"He's just frustrated," Jasper supplied as Charlotte opened the door to let Ethan walk through without crushing the knob.

"I don't like this," I said when I tried pulling another card from the deck.

Jasper sighed. He motioned for me to sit down on the grass so I did. "Would it be better if you worked on it by yourself?" I knew the answer and so did he; it would. No one could see the failure or the mistakes. No one could explain the situation or give me play by play instructions. I could just learn quietly by myself with no judgement and no aggravation. Feeling the answer in my emotions, he reached for the deck of cards Peter held out to him before adding it to his own and placing them in front of me on the grass. "Go slow and try to take only one at a time. There are twenty more decks in the house if you want to try again," he explained.

I smiled as I reached out and pulled four – ripping them all – and then shrugged. "Thanks."

I felt his hand curl on my jaw before I looked up at him. "Try not to get angry, Sugar. Learning to defeat the immediate emotion is how you learn to control them."

Crashes and growls sounded from the house and we all looked over to see Charlotte shaking her head and standing in the now opened doorway. She stared pensively at Peter who sighed disgusted and motioned for Jasper to come help him calm Ethan. I ignored the shouts and snarls inside the house as I worked through the large deck of cards. I ripped every single card to pieces but no one had seen me do it. When I was finished and still staring at the pile of torn pieces, Charlotte approached me with a smile on her face, waving two more decks of opened cards as she replaced the ripped ones on the ground with hers. She sat in front of me, pulling one single card from the pile like she had been doing it for years.

I sighed. It wasn't her fault that I didn't like her, not really.

"Peter came up with this little trick for me," she explained. "Back in my first year. They key is letting your mind focus on the object, its weight, its material and its strength. You'll find when you let that settle in your mind it will become second nature to always calculate before you touch. You won't even realize you're doing it."

I watched as she picked two cards from the pile and twisted them in her fingers to spread them apart easily. I wanted to thank her but the words escaped me as Ethan barrelled from the house and ran into the surrounding woods. Peter called Charlotte's name and she gave me a small smile before standing and leaving. I couldn't help but notice how no one followed her as she took off after the boy.

I played with the cards she had sat off to the side, ripping through them as I spun them beneath my fingertips. As I listened to the sounds around me, I became a little lost in its torrent of movement. There was so much to hear, smell and see. Everything moved, breathed and sang in its own way. Even when the sky darkened more my vision never failed. I was beyond enthralled with it all.

My two fingers splayed on the cards as I listened to my surroundings, mind spinning with it all. I hadn't even realized, but I picked up three cards without a single tear. I didn't even notice as I was still watching the grass sway with the slight breeze until a throat cleared over by the house. As my attention became diverted to where the sound had originated, the cards tore beneath my fingers. Still, I had done something right and I smiled at Jasper who grinned back and turned before disappearing back into the house without a word.

...

Another day passed and then another. The rules were clear. We hunted once a day, animals, and once every three we hunted humans. I didn't mind the animals now, not really. As long as the burn quieted I was okay. Ethan didn't agree. He preferred to hunt what he pleased and for the most part, Charlotte tried appeasing him. Unfortunately the farther out they moved to hunt, the closer to larger human populations they became. I didn't care either way. I just wanted to _drink_.

I sympathized with Ethan though. Despite his quietness there was sadness around him. It wasn't that I could remember him directly, but he brought other memories with him. That alone made me sad. He raged – sometimes worse than me – when no one could give him an answer, when his voice became overwhelmed from the flow of venom and he certainly wasn't fond of Peter. With Jas it was different. Ethan quieted when Jasper spoke, agreed to his demands without question and usually would sit down and work through whatever task he had sat out for Ethan to work on. Even still, I couldn't help but see the disconnect on Jasper's face as he did what he could with Ethan. His hands would be instructing but his eyes watched me. His words would be explaining but they were explaining to me.

On the morning of the fourth day, I wandered through the house quietly. Peter had asked Ethan to hunt and Charlotte was showering in her private bathroom. A heady, familiar scent filled the kitchen but I couldn't place it; nothing was out of place, nothing had been used that I could see. I heard Jasper's foot tapping lazily on the front porch and he hummed a song along with it. I knew he was sitting out on the old bench, it creaked with his movements but the sound only added to his melody.

I followed the sounds, smiling as I noticed the front door had been left open so I didn't have to try to open it myself, or ask someone else to do it for me.

Jas sat on the bench, a cup of coffee – which explained the scent – in one hand and a Marlboro in the other. I didn't mind the smell of the cigarette, it was heavy and thick, chemicals swirled within the smoke but it didn't smell terrible to me. Still, I wouldn't want to have it in my lungs.

"Char doesn't like the smell in the house," he said quietly as I watched from the open doorway.

I couldn't help but smile at him. He seemed happy and content. I could feel it too as he pushed the emotions out to me. "Coffee?" I asked with a laugh.

He shrugged and set the cup up on the rail of the porch before grabbing onto my wrist and pulling me into his lap. The cigarette became abandoned out in the blades of grass before he placed a light kiss to my neck. The silence that fell wasn't overwhelming, it felt good. I didn't need to fill my time with words and sound, not when everything else around did it for me.

"I like the smell," he finally explained. "I always have."

"And the smoke?"

"A comfort I guess. It still soothes nerves, even overly expressive vampire nerves."

"Oh," I mumbled. I hadn't really realized he was on edge. For the most part I was very caught up in myself and my issues. "What's wrong?"

His sigh of worry made me grimace. "When you were watching television this morning I had a call."

"On your new phone?" That was just another thing Charlotte had brought home that day, along with several others.

"No, Peter's old one," he explained before resting his head in the crook of my neck. "I have to go see Carlisle and make a trip to Seattle once I am done. Then make another trip which will probably last all day and half the night."

"Wait," I mumbled. I didn't like that, him being far away or just away from me at all bothered me. Fear swirled around my mind. "I'll come."

"You can't," he explained softly. "Not for this one. I have some private things to do that involves being with humans and Carlisle and I need to discuss -"

"No!" I snarled, removing myself from his embrace. "No, Jasper!"

He stood up immediately, towering over me as he spoke. "Be quiet and listen to me for a moment, please. I don't like this either, Sugar, but it is still going to happen. I don't know how much you remember about the Volturi but you're due to meet them and soon."

"Who?" I asked. I couldn't understand why my mind chose to remember some things but others were a major blank. "What?"

"Aro contacted Carlisle yesterday and then in turn, Carlisle contacted me today. You are expected in Italy in less than a month. You'll be flying with Carlisle and Esme," he explained.

My eyes closed and I shook my head confused. Nothing he was saying made sense. "What about you?"

"I can't go," he whispered sadly. "But Peter will be there – mind you unhappily."

"I don't give a shit about Peter!" I shouted. "Why aren't you coming?"

Jasper hissed, eyes darkening before he snapped at me. "Because they'll kill me, Bella."

Everything stopped for a second and I heard the shower inside the cabin shut off before Charlotte made her way outside two minutes later. She stared at Jasper in silence as I stood stoic and still. "That was a little harsh, Jasper," she told him in a disappointed tone.

"When are you leaving?" I finally managed to ask. "To go see Carlisle and whatever else?"

"Five minutes," he replied while looking out to the road. "I'll be running; it'll get everything done faster."

I didn't hear anything else he said, my anger was back, fear consuming me. I hit the tree line without even realizing I had begun running. The trees took the brunt of my anger. I ripped them from the roots, clawing through the trunks and shattering them against the forest floor. I was sure it sounded like thunder rolling. I roared at nothing, finding a herd of deer running from my noise and I slaughtered them all. Even blood didn't appease me.

It took hours before I calmed down. I hadn't gone very far. No one had followed me but at some point Peter and Ethan had returned. They watched silently from the sidelines as I ruined a patch in the forest once more.

Finally Ethan asked Peter why. "Jas had to go do some things," Peter replied in a despondent tone.

"Shut up!" I shouted at them. "Just...fuck! Go away!"

"No can do," Peter replied as he picked at his fingernails. "Jas ordered Char to leave you alone but for me to make sure you were alright when I got home. I'm not going back unless you come too, Sugar."

"And him?" I asked with venom lacing my tone, referring to Ethan.

Ethan smiled cockily. "Usually it's me throwing the tantrums," he replied.

I screamed up into the air, noticing as I did that the sky was once again dark. How long had I been out here? "I want to go home," I muttered unhappily.

"Then let's go," Peter said with a smile.

"He's not there."

"Come on, Bella. I'll keep your attention otherwise diverted," Peter grinned and wagged his brow.

I shot him a look but when he turned to leave, followed behind anyway. Ethan kept quiet for the most part, only occasionally teasing me about the newborn tantrum. He didn't understand. I wasn't willing to explain.

Diverting my attention meant working on my strength again. The hours dragged on, the night moving at a snail's pace as I sat agitated and stewing more and more in my anger. Several decks of cards were laid out in front of me as well as a stack of old phone books that had been taken from the basement of the cabin. Ethan sat opposite of me, ripping through page after page of the phonebook he was working on as I watched Peter quietly talk to Charlotte on the couch.

The day had been horrible. I missed my mate. I couldn't get the cards to stop ripping and everything just fell to shit.

"Why am I here?" Ethan asked aggravated. "Why am I doing this?"

"Same reason I am," I replied dully.

His eyes met mine and the anger flared behind his red orbs. "For some reason, I seriously doubt that. You're very _comfortable_ here."

"Ethan," Peter warned quietly. "Stop."

"My point," Ethan told me before getting up and leaving the room.

I refused to work with the paper and cards any more. Instead I reached over to grab the remote off the coffee table, crushing it beneath my fingers as I did. Peter sighed as I apologized over and over. Some things were just force of habit. It was hard to remember everything every second.

...

When the skies began to lighten again, I found myself outside sitting on the front steps waiting for Jasper to come back. Peter's head poked out the doorway. "He's a five minute run away. He just messaged my phone." Despite myself, a hard sigh of relief flooded me. I had been too distracted all day and night to care about anything else.

Ethan walked around the side of the house. I knew he had been outside but he had avoided me for the rest of the night. "Don't you look happy," he mocked.

I wasn't in the mood to deal with his crap and mine as well. "Go away, Ethan," I snapped.

He ignored my statement. "Do you know why I am here? Because I sure don't. I remember some things but not anything that helps." His face turned into a mask of pain and I diverted my eyes from the sight. No, I didn't know but he wouldn't believe me if I told him as much. "I have a feeling it has something to do with you," he said after a moment. "And Jasper."

"Ethan –"

"No," he hissed angrily as Peter made his way back out of the front step to stand behind me, "I want to know!"

"In the house, right now," Peter demanded.

I agreed without question while Ethan and Peter followed behind silently. My aggravation levels were skyrocketing once again. Ethan glared at me from the side of the room. "Do you even care?" he asked me once Peter was settled back on the couch with Charlotte. "Do you care about what happened to us?"

"I know what happened to me," I replied turning to face him completely. "I know why I was changed and what happened before."

"But I don't!"

"I can't help that."

"They won't tell me!"

"Ethan, calm down," Charlotte said as she stood up.

Peter eyed us both carefully before he spoke. "Bella is here because her mate wanted her changed. You are here because Jasper cared enough to stop and save you, Ethan."

"Well isn't that just fan-fucking-tastic," Ethan hissed sarcastically. "So many answers. Maybe he should have just left me alone."

"Maybe he should have," I bit out.

Ethan growled at me, only to be matched by my own. He waved his hands at the area around us before saying, "Well didn't you just get everything you ever wished for, Bella."

I snapped. Ethan didn't realize this wasn't easy for me either. I hadn't gotten everything I wished for. Nothing was just plainly simple. My throat burned just like his. Our thoughts were jumbled just the same. The memories were lost. Nothing was _easy_ and he sure wasn't making it much better. I let the instincts take control as I lunged at him but he was already charging right back. My anger from the day before, the simmering hate for everything that was wrong, Jasper's departure and anything else I'd let bottle itself within me took hold as we both slammed into each other like boulders crashing together. My fist hit his chest as I felt his arm wrap around my middle and we fell to the floor in a mass of snarls, striking fists and snapping teeth.

I hit him hard in the jaw with a curled palm as Peter roared for us to stop. I heard both of the vampires behind us move in tandem with one another as Ethan kicked me in the stomach. I growled back, hands tearing into his shirt and trying to grip into his skin to rip it apart. I was going to _kill_ him. I wanted to kill him just to make everything else go away.

The absolute intensity of my own anger surprised me. The sting of my hate fuelled me. I was filling the void by fighting but it felt _good_.

My fingers clawed at him, scratching his skin as he snarled before his fist connected with my face. I was stunned for a moment, just enough time for him to grab hold of my throat and squeeze. The breath caught in my lungs, legs tightening around his body that I had pinned. Beneath me he grinned as I heard Charlotte order us both to stop. Ethan's grip loosened for a second and my hand slammed into his arm, knocking it off my throat while venom flew from both our mouths as we growled. He tried grabbing back, but I was already leaning forward with my hands forcing his arms back. My teeth grazed his neck but I was pulled back just before they made full contact with his jugular.

Peter locked me within his arms. I kicked against him, roaring at the vampire springing up from the floor and crouching in preparation to attack me. Peter hissed in my ear as a warning. I didn't even hear it let alone heed it. I bucked against his hold once more, kicking his skin hard before I bent over his arms and tried biting into the flesh that was bare. Peter released me immediately out of instinct. He wouldn't hurt me but I could see the anger taking over his features.

Ethan hissed when I broke free from the arms that had been holding me but as I moved to pounce, he was already flying at me. Charlotte yelled for Peter as he roared at Ethan and I.

The familiar sound of running surrounded us followed by a low growl reverberating outside the house as Ethan crashed into my surprised form, slamming me into the floor, breaking boards as we hit. His teeth sank into my arm, tearing into the flesh savagely and the pain swelled immediately. I screeched in agony, kicking away from him as venom ran freely from the wound. The burning sensation took over my entire upper arm as I closed my eyes and felt myself being dragged from my previous position. When I opened them, the front door slammed open and Jasper growled at the sight in front of him. Peter stood in front of me while Charlotte stood in front of Peter.

In a split second Jasper was looking me over, his eyes turning black as he saw the wound. I cried out when his fingers touched the venom crawling down my arm. In a swift motion he was in front of Ethan, grabbing onto his left arm and growling through clenched teeth. Ethan was too shocked and terrified to fight back.

I watched as his foot slammed hard into Ethan's chest as he yanked his left arm back at the same time. The boy roared, venom spitting from his mouth as I whimpered from the sight. The screeches of tearing metal echoed in the room, even over the pleads of Charlotte and Peter's growls as he stood in front of me as protection. Still, Ethan's pain hurt me too and when his arm dropped to the floor with a 'thud', I felt myself gasp for all the air I could take in.

Fear took over. Every cell in my body filled with terror and pain again. I grabbed at my own arm, clasping tightly to the opened wound and biting through the keens of pain that I truly wanted to let loose. My mind spun from the scene. I needed to get away from him, he was oh so dangerous and he terrified me. Jasper stood over Ethan as the venom from the bite in my arm leaked around my fingers and the burn seared my skin.

I whimpered. Jasper's back tensed at the sound. His rumbling growl shook the walls and Ethan scrambled back to the farthest wall he could get to – the farthest from Jasper. Charlotte stopped begging, Peter stopped growling and my lip quivered at the sight before me.

With his fingers balled into fists, body shaking in anger, Jasper roared at the vampire huddled with one arm on the floor. Everything I'd managed to gain in the last few days was lost in those moments. I was immediately thrust back to the first moments of my wakening, when all I could see were the marks of strength and the terror they provided. All I could feel were the instincts pushing me to move away, to run as far as I could to make myself safe from him.

He could hurt me. I shook and cried out from the realization that he might hurt me.

Jasper might hurt me.

He pointed to the floor, the twitching appendage being his objective. "Having limbs attached in this family is a privilege, not a right, Ethan. You'll learn to control yourself or you'll find your body missing one of these more often than not. Am I fuckin' making myself clear, boy?"

Ethan was panting through his pain, his eyes glued to the vampire in front of him. I struggled to stand still, feeling my legs bend down and hit the floor without a sound. I couldn't help but be afraid; this was everything I'd thought about coming true. Would he do that to me? Would he hurt me like that if I couldn't control myself too?

My mind was overworking; taking everything in the room and obsessing over every threat possible. Even through my pain the nature of my mind was focusing on protecting only myself. Still, I feared him.

Jasper's second roar brought my head snapping upward to make me focus on him once more. "Ethan? Answer me!"

"Yes," he gasped out. "Yes!"

Jasper turned on his heels abruptly, making my body slam back into the wall behind me. I felt the band snap against my body, self preservation kicking in as it wrapped its form around mine. His eyes were black, the rage he was feeling washing over every inch of his body. His eyes met mine and I felt myself gasp for more air before I clenched my teeth and ran to the only place I felt safe for the moment.

"She's terrified," I heard Jasper hiss. "Look what you have done!"

I slammed the bedroom door, cracking the frame as it shut. I found myself huddled between the foot-board of the bed and the large dresser that lined the wall. My fingers clasped to the metal frame of the bed, crushing the strong fibre beneath my fingers as I sobbed and growled while the venom burned my skin. I ripped the material of the t-shirt from my arm and it ended up taking the whole shirt from my body with it, trying to lick against the wound but not being able to reach. Venom still leaked, creating trails of tears down my arm as it bled the substance out.

"Damn it!" Peter hissed outside the confines of my safety. "Back off, Jas!"

"Peter, I'm warning you to shut the hell up," Jasper barked angrily. I shuddered at the tone. "Just shut up."

"Jas, please just calm down," Charlotte whispered. "It's alright, Ethan. Just breathe. It's alright," she told the boy. I wondered if she was huddled beside him. I couldn't tell from where I was.

"Did you see her?" Jasper snarled out. "Did you see the look in her eyes? She was doing so damned well! I've only got three weeks before she goes! And it was all just lost in two minutes because you couldn't control him!"

"Back the fuck off," Peter repeated. "They were both stopped before it got out of hand, Jas."

"Out of hand? He bit my mate! She's fuckin' in pain and she's scared! And you don't think that's just a bit out of hand?"

"You're being a moron," Peter muttered.

"I can feel her," Jas replied scathingly. "You can't."

"You can't read her mind," Peter spat.

"Jasper..." Charlotte murmured.

"Shut up, Char!"

"Char, be quiet," Peter ordered calmly but sternly.

Ethan wailed, something broke and I pressed further into my little cubbyhole. "Get him the hell out of here, now!" Jasper shouted. "Right now! Don't make me say it again..."

I heard the scuffling of feet, the splashing of venom against hardwood floor and the scrape as Ethan's limb was picked up before feet thudded out of the house. The breathing of both men became in tandem with my own.

"You need to stop and re-think what just happened," Peter growled to Jasper. "Think about what she just saw. She was far from being afraid of him, she was pissed, Jas. She was livid and ready to hand him his ass before she burned him to ash. She wasn't scared, not then."

"I could feel the fear," Jasper responded heatedly.

"She was scared of you."

I stopped breathing and so did they. Silence surrounded us all at Peter's words. My body still quivered and the pain still rocked while the fear coursed through my dried veins. "Peter..." Jasper started to say.

"No," Peter snapped. "You did that." I heard the sound of Peter's hand hitting Jasper's body. "You! You made her scared, you made her cower, you Jas. See it from her eyes, not yours, man."

More silence. More pain. More fear. "Oh God," Jasper whispered. "No."

"Yeah," Peter replied bitterly. "You fucked that up big time. Now Ethan thinks he did something wrong and maybe he did but she was just as much to blame as he was. They've been puttering around each other all fuckin' week. I'm surprised one of em' hasn't snapped yet. I get you having to have her ready to some extreme, but they've both been working hard, Jas. Both of em'. Not just Bella, Ethan too. That damned boy pisses the hell out of me with his shit he's got going on but you need to tell him he's okay, that he is fine. He likes you, Jasper, and you did that to him."

A foot ground into the floor before I heard his pacing steps bath and forth. I huddled into myself, clenching my teeth together to hold back the cries. "I... He... She's my mate, Peter. I just reacted."

"I get that," Peter replied. "Better than you know, but Ethan is here too and you made that choice for us all so you better start acting like you have some sort of care for the kid. He didn't ask for this; for me, for you, for Char, or Bella. Ethan didn't ask for this life, or his anger or the crap he's got going on in his head but he is trying and I can't deny that the kid has got balls and strength because of it. Can't you see that he looks up to you? Damn it, Jas! He's so damned watchful of me because of that first meeting, but he _likes you. _Really, truly likes you. And he likes Bella and Char but you keep thinking you've got to do this the old way, with violence and fear to control them, but we don't. Not this time, we're not back there right now, Jasper. We aren't with her. This is just us and our family."

"Bella," Jasper murmured softly. "I can't believe I did that." I heard his footsteps walk toward our bedroom and I immediately cried out and clenched my hands tighter to the metal, crushing the foot-board bars completely from my strength. "Oh God," he repeated at my sudden fear and sounds. "Peter, I'll deal with Ethan later. Right now I just can't."

"It's alright," Peter agreed in the same tone. "You do what you have to do right now and I'll go help Char with Ethan. He'll need to hunt now. And clean the fuckin' mess up out here too so Char won't have something else to bitch about when we get back."

"Yeah, yeah. Just give me a couple hours or so," Jasper said as he started his trek again but stopped for a moment. "Peter... Ethan –"

"Listen, Jas. The kid is violent, much more than necessary at times so I'm guessing he's seen some shit and he's probably still dealing with it. Maybe instead of blaming and controlling you should try empathizing and relating. God knows we've been there."

Jasper took a deep breath before talking once more. "Calm him and I will apologize and explain when I am finished tending to my mate."

As his footsteps became closer, I shook harder. All the sounds I had been trying to hold in came bursting out as he rapped his knuckles lightly against the door. I couldn't speak, my mouth wouldn't release from the clenching position it was currently in.

"Isabella," he murmured softly. I heard the door shut as Peter left. "Can I come in please?"

When I didn't answer, I listened as he slowly turned the doorknob. The growl that escaped my mouth was filled with pure terror, the raw sound echoing through the empty cabin. He stopped turning the knob.

"Leave me alone," I whispered. "Please just leave me alone."

"I need to apologize, Isabella. Please understand I had no intention of scaring you and I would never hurt you. Had I have known that would have been your reaction, it never would have happened."

"But it did." I swallowed the gathering venom and spoke again. "You hurt him so bad," I cried.

His hand pressed to the door before he let out a hard breath. "I was wrong."

"You would do that to me," I whimpered. "If I couldn't control myself, would you hurt me too? Would you hurt me like that?"

"Never," he hissed immediately. "I would – _could _– never hurt you. You are my mate, Sugar. You complete me as I do you. I could never do that to you."

"Liar," I growled as I pressed myself harder against the wall. "You would."

Before I knew it, he slammed the door open and walked straight into the room. I felt the plaster crumble down onto my back from the wall as I finally broke through the barrier and the stud beam I had apparently been leaning into as well. I released the bed as I stared up at him, my fists immediately clenching as I brought them to my chest. My breathing became ragged and everything moved in slow motion for a second as I felt the band surrounding my body once again snap against my skin.

Suddenly my body and mind became much more aware of the extension involved within my own being. The band stretched and flexed around me. I growled as it pushed its way further from my skin and covered a tiny two foot area surrounding me in a circular fashion. Jasper stood silently, pain filling his eyes as he watched in morbid fascination.

"My God," he muttered to himself. "You're a shield."

"Please just leave," I cried. "I won't let you hurt me too."

Pain surrounded my emotions, shame underlying it heavily. I knew he was letting me feel him through his gift. How good was my shield if it wouldn't protect me from him? His mouth dropped slightly at my words, eyes blinking back the venom that had gathered. His fingers twitched, I knew he wanted to reach out to me but he was fighting it. My body shook, the band like dome shuddering and I lost control of the focus I was just barely hanging onto before it came slapping back against my skin and mind like a hit to the face.

I gasped in air, thirst flaring and growl rumbling. "Go away."

"Bella, please let me explain," he pleaded. "Sweetheart, I would never hurt you. I would rather see myself burn before I ever caused you pain. I am so sorry you feel so scared, even more so that I am the cause of it."

I looked up at his face again, flinching as my upper arm burned and stung with venom as it attempted to heal itself. He knew, eyes flickering to the bite wound and my exposed skin surrounding it. I hadn't even realized my nakedness until that moment. I choose to forgo undergarments. Bras, with all their lace and wires scratched and prodded into my skin. They had aggravated me since the first time Charlotte had attempted to put one on me. Jasper had been working with me to dress myself, considering the last time Charlotte had tried, Peter ended up having to remove her from the room to keep me from attacking her. We still had some issues. Even so, Jasper stared at the opened wound, teeth clenched and breaths deep as I whimpered and pressed my palm against it, begging the pain silently to stop.

"Let me help you," he said thickly, eyes searching mine as he did. I just jerked my head back and forth for his answer. "Sugar, please? The tears are jagged and deep. It'll burn all night otherwise. I don't want to see you hurting like this for hours. Can't you just trust me?"

As he bent down I felt my whole body freeze as I let out a low hiss of warning. "Stop moving! Stop coming closer!"

"You don't," he realized quickly. "You really don't trust me."

I let my legs fall out from under me, crossing them and bending over myself as I clasped tighter to my skin. The pain was becoming worse but I just couldn't let go of what my mind had seen. "Why did you do that?" I asked.

Jasper's eyes darkened as he answered. "Ethan attacked you, he hurt you. Just as you're assuming a position of protection now – from me – I let my instincts take control. I lost control. I was very wrong."

I shuddered through the breaths that broke though my lips in rapid puffs. I was once again coming close to a pant to control the fear, the pain and the very raw instincts that were screaming at me to fight and then run. "You... I don't want you to hurt me too," I whispered finally.

"Oh baby," he replied hoarsely with a shake of his head.

"Please," I cried and shook as he got down to his knees completely and moved another inch toward me. My mind felt the release as I pushed against the band that was flexing and snapping again. He was too close, the pain was too harsh and my fear was too strong. The flexing clear sheet covered me once more and he stared in surprise, though the one arm he held outward was just barely grazing my _shield_. "Please just don't hurt me."

There was a small part of me that was screaming I was being irrational. But it was too tiny for me to hear. His fingers grazed against the band and I felt it caress every inch of my skin before his hand slipped though.

"It's not physical," he told me. "Anyone can walk through it, Bella." Those words didn't make me feel any more useful or safe than I had a moment ago. He felt that immediately. "I didn't say it was bad. It's amazing, you are amazing."

He moved closer again, the rest of his body slipping past the barrier and he sat two inches from my bent over form. His hands rubbed lightly against my shoulders but the fear remained.

"I'm scared," I told him.

"I'll never hurt you," he repeated strongly.

"But you might. If I can't do well or if I hurt someone."

His hands grasped onto my face, lifting my head so our eyes met. "I will only say this one more time. I love you, I will never hurt you and you can never disappoint me." With every word I felt his honesty, sincerity, love, devotion and remorse fill my body. The shield flexed and fell once more. "Isabella?"

"I'm sorry," I sobbed.

His head shook again, fingers trailing careful lines along my cheeks and neck. "Let me show you why I would never hurt you. Please just let me show you."

That little part that had been screaming for realization finally broke through the barrier of instincts. I only nodded my agreement to him; he never second guessed my reply.

His arm linked around my back, the other slipping under my legs before I felt all my weight being lifted effortlessly from the floor. My eyes closed as his lips pressed against my hair and he whispered 'I'm sorry' again and again. We didn't move far but he clutched me tighter before setting me back down on something hard. I opened my eyes and saw he has set me up on the dresser where I had previously been wedged between it, the bed's foot-board and the wall.

I stared at his face, listening to the breaths he breathed slowly as his eyes focused in on the deep bite still oozing on my shoulder. He talked as he brushed his hands against my skin.

"I could have killed him for touching you – for hurting you. I wanted to. I would have been justified but I just couldn't. I promised his mother I'd do right by him, see him through this life and if killing his sire wasn't enough to push the responsibility on me, Ann certainly was."

I tried to remember Ann. I knew she was Lee and Ethan's mother. She'd been at Lysen's birth and gave us both a second chance to do right in our life. Still, even with this knowledge I couldn't see her face, hear her voice or even find a major part of me that wanted to. It was yet another part of being a vampire, the part where your only concern was yourself, your mate and your family. In a way, it was disappointing.

"You promised her?" I asked.

"I did," he replied softly as his hand grazed the bite. I hissed, my body backing away from his touch as his eyes met mine. "Sorry, Sugar but I have to look at it a bit closer okay?" I whimpered but nodded. He continued talking as he touched along the jagged edges of the wound. "That instinct – to protect and keep – especially our mate, is so strong. I've never really felt it that harshly before. But he touched you, tasted you without your permission or mine. That alone warranted punishment. I'm sorry it ended up being so violent."

"Taste me?"

"Your venom is yours... and mine," he added after a second. "It's almost like a sacred gift between a mated pair to share the essence within them self, especially when one half to the whole was turned by the other half. Obviously with us that's a bit different, considering Peter's involvement –"

"You didn't like it that he had tasted me," I interrupted.

"No, I didn't," he agreed. "I hadn't thought about that, not really. Jealousy and hate are two very bitter emotions, especially when they mingle together."

"So why aren't you angry with Peter?"

His hands stilled on my arm and his eyes looked to the floor. "For many reasons. Peter asked for permission, I gave it to him."

"Weren't you capable of changing me?"

Jasper swallowed and grimaced. "There is nothing more that I wanted then to have my venom be the one that changed you, but sometimes things are just out of our hands. Was I mentally and physically able to change you? Yes. I would have and could have in a heartbeat. But there are a lot of things you don't yet know about me, Sugar. Right now is not the time to sit down as discuss it from beginning to end. Would I have changed you? Yes. Could I have? Yes. Should I have is the question of the day."

"I remember the treaty. Was it broken because of me?"

"No," he answered immediately. "And that is just one of the reasons why Peter had to change you."

"You won't hurt Ethan again, right?" I asked. "He didn't mean it, I attacked him."

"I gathered that much," Jasper sighed. He stopped rubbing the area around the bite for a minute to look up at me. Red eyes stared sadly into mine. "I will always defend you if you can't fight, heal you if you become hurt, or catch you should you fall but I wish this could be easier – this whole newborn stage, but it won't be. Not for a long time. That doesn't mean I'll understand every time, or that I'll be easy or you'll be manageable but I can relate, to you and to Ethan."

"I understand," I whispered, leaning forward and burying my face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me for a moment and the burning subsided in my arm before it flared and I clenched my teeth. "How long before it stops hurting?"

Jasper pushed me back, making my back lean against the wall as he lifted my arm and frowned. "I lied," he muttered. "I will end up having to hurt you, but only to heal you."

"Okay," I responded unsure of what he meant.

He bent down, silken lips pressing against the bite and for a second my mind was lost in the feeling of his mouth pressing against my body. Sparks hit against my skin in a deliciously terrifying way – I'd never felt that before. It only lasted for a second though, only one before his teeth cut into the lesion, straight through Ethan's half closed bite and felt Jas' venom pour into it. I cried out, arm jerking back but he held it in place as he released his teeth and his tongue swirled circles against the wound and the area surrounding it.

He lifted his head and blew air along the once again fresh bite. I could see what he had done, and I could feel the already healing skin mending too. The areas where teeth had before ripped savagely, Jasper now re-broke to allow them to heal stronger, better. It wouldn't take as long for the tissues to salvage and mend as it would have before, and even though it burned, I couldn't help but sigh and lean my head back against the wall, putting a small dent in it, as his tongue licked soothing circles against the injury once more. His mouth continued the path, licking and kissing a trail down the rest of my arm as he removed all traces of Ethan's venom and mine that had bled out as well. His fingers caressed the crease of my arms before slowly travelling along the path of my naked stomach.

I couldn't help the contented rumble that broke through my lips – a purr.

I felt him smile against my now opened palm before he continued his way back up my body before stopping at my lips. "Can I show you?" he asked. "Let me love you."

His hands grasped my waist as I nodded, my eyes darkening as those same hands moved to my thighs and spread them far enough apart that he could stand in between them comfortably. Ignoring the stinging ache in my upper arm, I moved my fingers and scaled them along the ridges of his stomach, moving under the fabric of his shirt and ripping it in the process. He chuckled as I growled before I just tore the offending material away from his skin. Lust curled in my stomach, my body arching closer to his.

"Slower," he murmured before his lips met mine and I lost myself to the feeling.

The hazel flavour of his venom mingled with mine, becoming a quick sensation that I found I enjoyed even more than the red ambrosia that kept me fed. I could feel the pulses of his own lust and love as he allowed the emotions to move between us fluidly. His heavy scent – because for me, it had become so heavy around us both – lingered. Mine didn't even matter.

He pulled back from me, allowing my eyes to travel his torso. Scars covered his skin, but they didn't make me fear him in this moment. They didn't take away from his beauty or perfection either. To me they were only proof that he was a soldier and a survivor. And he was mine. I verbalized that word – _mine_ – as my hands trailed against his chest, along his neck, and through his hair. _Mine_. He was completely _mine_.

Nothing outside of our room mattered for me in those moments. There wasn't a single thing that my mind felt deserved its attention more than him – his body, his sounds…and _mine_. His hands tightened even more against my thighs, gripping the material of the khaki shorts and easily ripping through the fabric as my fingers danced back down to the trail of light colored hair that disappeared beneath the Levis he wore. I felt the ridges of his scars press against my fingers, but his skin still felt like silk. He growled deeply in satisfaction, teeth clenching, and I hadn't even touched him where I'd wanted to yet. Before I could say anything, his hands tore the fabric of my shorts from my body, and he pressed harder against me, the bulge in his jeans straining against my completely exposed center.

The dresser rocked and wood cracked as I grabbed onto the sides of each end while his mouth captured my nipple between his teeth. The coolness of his tongue pressing against the hardened bud had me gasping hard and arching into his touch. I needed more – more skin against mine, more fingers digging into my flesh…just _more_.

"My God," I breathed out, my eyes squeezing shut as my body shuddered from his simple touch.

His mouth released my flesh. "Mine," he murmured, his lips moving back up to meet my own.

I couldn't open my eyes; I didn't want to. I was far too focused on the sounds, touches, and scents surrounding me. I was sure if my eyes opened, I'd lose any semblance of control he had managed to get me to gain through his movements.

His teeth nipped my skin lightly, his hands sliding down my neck, across my breasts and leaving heated trails behind them. "Breathe." I heard the word, just barely. Hadn't I been? Wasn't all I could smell and taste _him_? It was true, so very true. His taste lingered on my tongue, smoke and rings of black cherries. That silken touch remained on my skin even after it'd already moved past the area.

He didn't have to tell me a second time. My body tensed, air hissing in through clenched teeth as his fingers slipped through my wet folds and he slowly pressed two digits into my center. Again I pressed closer to him, wanting him deeper, yearning to feel more. I mewed low as his fingers worked a slow motion, curling upward as he pressed them into my core again.

"Open your eyes," he commanded. "Watch me touch you. Watch me feel you, Isabella." When I still refused to open my eyes, his fingers stopped their rhythm within my body. All the sensations that were rocking my body and overwhelming my mind stopped. My eyes flew open in surprise, meeting his darkened orbs, as a smug grin spread across his face. "Good girl," he hissed as his fingers began their motions again.

My fingers gripped the oak dresser tighter, more wood creaking and cracking, and his head tilted down and I followed his gaze. I wanted to cry out – verbalize the feeling of the coil tightening within my center – but the only sounds coming from my lips were constant breathy gasps of air. His fingers moved in and out swiftly, my walls clenching around them with every thrust and curl. It wasn't just his scent surrounding me anymore; I could smell my own arousal covering us both – a sweet and heady scent that just tasted of sex.

It was too much. All of it had become too much. As I watched his fingers play my body like a song on guitar strings, my venom juices coating him and walls clenching around him, the tightened coil broke and I finally cried out as waves of euphoria washed over my senses without abandon. I heard him murmur, "Mine," softly again as his fingers slowed. My eyes had closed again, but as his touch left my body, I opened my eyes to see his fingers grazing the skin of his lips, tongue snaking out to taste what my body had given him. He growled deeply and I shivered at the sound before those same fingers reached out and swept a slow line along my own lips.

"Taste," he said thickly before his hands fumbled at the buttons of his jeans. "You're indescribable. So perfect."

My teeth bit my bottom lip, dragging across the skin and bringing the taste of my own arousal with it. He was right, but I was too busy watching him pull his jeans down his legs and step out of them before coming to a stop in front of me once more. My eyes crawled over his body, taking in all that was _mine_. My legs had been dangling over the edge of the dresser, but he once again spread them further apart with his hands, opening up my body for him as he did so. He stepped in between me once more, his hard cock pressing against my stomach as his forehead met mine and he fell silent for a single moment. Not even a breath was released.

I wasn't sure what he was waiting for, but I buried my face in his brown waves and whispered, "Please," as if it were the only thing he would need to hear.

It was.

He leaned away from me; one hand keeping my leg spread while his other hand reached between our bodies and grasped his cock tightly. I was watching his face – the look of love, lust, and need washing over his features – as he guided himself into my entrance. I arched, tilting my head back until it hit the wall and my chest was pressing against his. He hadn't even entered me yet, but my body _ached _to have him that close.

"Watch me take you," he breathed through a shudder as he pressed in a little further. "Watch me take you, my mate."

He released his cock and reached around my back, fingers splaying out against the skin as I tilted my head forward to watch as he wanted me to. From my position on the dresser, we were eye to eye. His forehead met mine, and I watched his hardened cock inch forward slowly. My entire body quivered as I accepted him inch for slow inch. When he was seated inside me fully, our breaths released in tandem, a feeling of completeness fell over me. He had been right, and I knew that now. He never would hurt me; he couldn't when he _loved_ me.

He pulled back slowly before pressing into my heated center again and again. There was nothing rough in his movements, only his one hand pressing tightly to my back as his other gripped strongly to the flesh of my thigh. His teeth clenched as I gasped for more air. Bliss was filling my cells, lust raging hard and love swirling as I watched him love me as only he could.

The sounds of our bodies rocking together as my hips moved forward in motion with his made me delirious. I could feel every inch of him within me, every ridge of his cock and clench of my walls surrounding him.

He moaned low, his sweet breath filling my senses. "Jasper," I cried as he began thrusting deeper, _harder_.

My hands released the dresser, bits of wood falling to the floor as I let go, and I reached out and grasped onto his jaw as I leaned my own head back and forced his face up to look at me once more.

"So...perfect...all... _mine_," I mumbled through waves of sensations and the thrusting of his cock sinking into my core.

His fingers on my back clenched into a fist and I felt his cock twitch within my depths. "Let go for me, baby. Let me feel you let go," he whispered before crashing his lips to mine once more.

The kiss began rough, tongues fighting for dominance, but it slowed to a sweetened pace as my gasps of air turned into high cries of bliss. My head fell back and his lips pressed against my jaw, kissing a hot trail along the unmoving vein as that same coil began tightening in my loins once more.

"Jas... Yes, Jasper," I managed to get out.

"I love you," he murmured against my skin.

His words were punctuated with love pounding into my body, wrapping my soul, and I let the coil break once more. My scream rocketed off the walls as I rode the waves of the pure euphoric high he had provided to me. I didn't hear his whispered words as colors sparked behind my closed eyelids. No sounds from the outside bombarded my senses as I let my mind become lost in the moment. I felt the sting though – the sharp sting of pain as his teeth sliced into the flesh of my neck and venom filled the fresh wound, dripping a slow trail down my neck and across my chest.

I cried out again in both pleasure and pain as my body leaned closer to him as his movements slowed to an unhurried pace. He hadn't released my neck, but instead his tongue swirled and lapped at the wound hidden beneath his lips that were pressed to my skin. He moved with me, just slightly, allowing my face to bury against his own neck, and I drew ragged breaths to calm the raging emotions that were welling inside. Calm, love, and pride forced its way through my body, curling through the rushing unknowns and soothing the stinging pain as he finally released my skin from his hold.

Cold air blew against the wound, but the pain from the bite had become slight as if it hadn't been at all. "I love you," he repeated before his fingers found my face and he lifted my head from its position. Tender kisses swathed my cheeks and lips while deep ruby eyes bore into my own.

"I love _you_," I murmured back. One hand brushed against my neck, causing a stinging sensation to cross the wound, and I hissed. He flinched, muttering an apology, but I shook my head and pressed my lips to his, whispering, "It felt..." I couldn't finish the sentence.

"Right," he said, saying what I couldn't.

"Yeah." His thick cock twitched inside me and I moaned at the feeling it caused. He smirked. "Why didn't you...?"

Jasper chuckled as he withdrew himself from my body. I felt lost at the feeling of his absence. His fingers gripped onto my waist tightly before he finally spoke again. "Because I'm not finished with you just yet."

I was caught up staring at the movements of his body again – the rippling muscles, stretching tendons, and scarred skin. His fingers squeezed against me to gain my attention and I smiled sheepishly back. "What?" I asked.

Before I understood what had happened, he had twisted me off the dresser, turned me around, set my feet to the floor, and forced both of my hands against the dresser, covered by his own. My growl rocked between us both from the movement, and it was matched equally with his own.

"I said I wasn't finished," he murmured as he released my hands, and I felt his fingers press along the curves of my back and across the swell of my exposed ass. Unashamed, I arched outward to his touch, hissing from the feeling as his nails dug into the flesh of my hips and he pressed his body hard against mine before whispering in my ear. His cock pressed against my ass as he spoke. "I showed you how much I love you, and now that I've loved you..." he trailed off with another rough manoeuvre of his hands on my flesh.

"Yes?" I asked through a breathy gasp.

He chuckled, the deep sound settling in my gut and twisting with lust. "Now that I've loved you... now I'm going to _fuck _you."

"Oh _God_," I growled as his hips pressed further into my backside.

I didn't even recognize the sound of my voice or the words flowing from my mouth. But this was just him, and it was just me, and together it felt much more right than anything ever had before it. And any memories I _did_ have of what came before were too hazy and dulled to remember otherwise.

"Hmm, my mate?" he hissed out as his lips pressed against the flesh at the small of my back. His tongue swirled on my skin and I shivered again. "Is that what you want? For me to fuck you?"

"Please," I begged, unable to control the low moans and growls from my mouth as my hands gripped tighter to the wood, cracking it across the entire top. I felt his cock starting to press against my slick folds once more.

"Please, what, Isabella?" he urged.

"Please, fuck me!" I cried out.

He thrust into me hard, filling me to the hilt. My one hand released the top of the dresser and pressed to the wall behind it as he pulled out and thrust once more. I whimpered from his motions, every thrust of his body becoming matched with my own as the sounds of him fucking me filled the air. Any words slipping from my mouth became an incoherent mess. Growls and hisses surrounded us both. I revelled in the feeling of his hands roaming my skin, grabbing and tugging on my hair, his teeth nipping against my sensitive flesh.

I felt him tug my head back, his fingers curling into my hair as my eyes looked behind me to see his face fixated in a mask of pain and pleasure. He hissed through clenched teeth as I cried for more, harder…_anything_. And he did, his fingers gripping tighter into my hair as his other hand grabbed my hip and pulled my body back even harder to meet his thrusts.

My walls clenched, my fingers balling into fists, as I watched him fuck me from behind. In a way, I knew he had claimed me – marked me – but this was him laying his claim, letting our nature take control.

And it did.

His voice was gravelly, filled with a lust-induced haze as he spoke. "Is this what you wanted? I think the words used were, 'nasty little whore'?"

A hazy memory filled my mind. If he kept doing what he was doing, he could call me whatever he wanted. I couldn't focus on the memory though – not when he was causing my body to feel things it hadn't before, not when my mind was losing all sense of understanding and all I could do was grab hold of the furniture in front of me and snarl through the waves of orgasm as it took hold of my body and pushed me over the precipice.

"Oh God," I gasped, finally forming words. "I'm coming, Jas."

He let go of my hair, my head falling forward as I panted through the intense orgasm. He pounded into me harder, both hands grabbing onto my hips as he slammed into me harder still. His fingers clenched against my skin and it hurt, but in the best way, and I felt the shudder travel through his body as he roared through his release. He thrust deep, his seed spilling into my center as my walls contracted around his cock.

He groaned and fell forward against my back as his arms wrapped tightly around my middle. I sighed, still staring at the floor, as his lips kissed my flesh, leaving invisible marks that I knew I'd feel for days to come.

Without warning, he removed himself from me, turned me around, and picked me up with one arm beneath my knees and the other cradling my back. I suddenly became very aware of the distinct sounds coming from us both. His deep purr matched my own, and I nudged my head under his jaw. He laid me on the bed, lying down beside me and trailing fingers up and down my exposed skin as the contented sounds continued between us.

His lips pressed to my ear. "I'd never hurt you," he murmured quietly.

I turned, my fingers finding purchase across his chest. Our scents surrounded us, mingled with the smell of sex. "I know," I replied in the same tone.

"I did wrong – with him _and_ with you. I lost control, and I can't promise it'll never happen again, Sugar. But I _am _sorry," Jasper explained while his fingers continued their path across my side.

"It's okay."

He whispered, more to himself than to me. But I heard it regardless. "I never wanted to scare you."

My body melded against his form perfectly. I took him in without question. He was _mine_.

I leaned up and kissed his jaw. "You don't."


	29. Chapter 29

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 29: Chapter 29**

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**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS, TheUnderStudy, and TheLyricalCutie.**

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**Jasper POV**

**_One Week Later_**

I watched her from my position on the porch. The front door to the cabin had been open and I knew it was likely possible she hadn't even seen me come outside. Her body twirled in circles, her feet moving in a tandem motion to the wind that was whipping her hair around her face. With her arms outstretched, she let loose a peal of laughter that made the air catch in my chest for a second.

What had made her so happy?

It wasn't as if the last week had been easy on her. It seemed like things had slowly gotten worse between the two newborns since their first fight. Every time we turned our heads, if Ethan and Bella had the chance, they were at each other's throats again, snarls abounding and teeth snapping.

I could feel the truth in both of them when it would begin – they loved it. They wanted to fight. It almost seemed like they needed it. We tried to keep them controlled, but sometimes it was just that: out of control. Fighting was a release that Ethan couldn't get otherwise, and my mate just thoroughly enjoyed embracing that feral side.

Another peal of laughter from my mate brought me from my musings. A deck of playing cards lay scattered across the grass – Aces, Queens, Twos, Nines, Jacks, Hearts, Spades, Clubs, and Diamonds all upturned with their many counterparts. None had been ripped from where I could see; not a single one had been damaged.

Now all her excitement, joy, pride, love, and happiness that was swirling, twirling, and binding around me made complete sense. I smiled in awe of her triumph before sliding my ass down to sit on the top step in silence as I watched her. I stretched my legs out, one resting on the ground and the other propped up on the bottom step just far enough that I could drape my arm over my knee and watch my mate in all her glory.

"Jas?" I heard whispered from behind me. I waved my free hand behind me, shushing Char from speaking again until I was finished. "Sorry," she whispered again, far too low for Isabella to hear, as I barely heard it myself.

My eyes travelled over the shirt Isabella was wearing. It was mine, actually, and it was tied up around the small of her back in a tiny knot. It was a plain white tee – nothing special, and certainly not my favourite – but she always went for my drawers when it was time to get dressed instead of her own. Still, she'd point to my shirts, usually one I had worn the day before that smelled thoroughly of my scent, and I'd pull it over her head, covering the skin I'd much rather have my lips covering instead.

I knew the material bothered her skin; it bothered all of our skin to some extent. It felt itchy and scratchy. The cloth was too tight and bothersome. But we had years on her – years to get used to the feel of cloth covering our bodies and scratching our skin. Still, Isabella had found a way to ignore the aggravating sensation of the fabric by replacing it with something she loved.

My scent.

_Mine. _

And fuck it all to Hell if I didn't adore her even more for that.

Tiny khaki shorts stretched across her backside and hips, wrapping her curves as she moved. To me, I was watching perfection in motion. I was watching beauty dance with the _wind, _and I was positive I must have done something right because I didn't believe I'd ever seen it before in my life.

"Jasper!" Isabella squealed when she saw me sitting on the steps. "Did you see me?"

"I saw you doing your little victory dance," I replied with a smile.

No embarrassment filtered through her emotions at my words. She loved knowing I adored watching her. "Yeah... but," she said as she pointed to the cards.

"I do see them," I said, chuckling. I wanted her to release her triumph. She needed to proclaim it to the world, proud of her accomplishment.

"Jas," she half whined.

"What am I even looking at, Bella?"

"_Isa_bella," she said with a smirk before bending down to the ground and easily swiping up four cards without ripping a single one.

The name thing had become a sort of joke for her. At the beginning, it was all too familiar for me to call her Isabella; it was what felt comfortable for her, and so I did it. Still, I enjoyed calling her by the shorter version as well.

"I went through them all without any rips!" she said, grinning before tossing the ones in her hand into the air and laughing again.

I hummed a low note of appreciation. "I told you that you could."

"I know _you _did, but _I_ didn't think I could, Jasper," she told me as she came to kneel in front of me while picking at blades of grass with her fingertips.

I leaned forward, my arms draping over both knees as my feet rested on the steps below. "Hey," I murmured softly, causing her red eyes to look up at me. "I'm proud of you."

The smile I lived to see graced her face without hesitation. Before I realized it, her entire body had pressed against mine and she was pushing us both into the boards of the steps while her silken lips moved a lazy dance along my cheeks and mouth. The wood beneath me buckled at the pressure but held together anyway. I chuckled as she muttered, "I did it," against my skin again and again.

"You did it," I finally agreed as I stopped her kisses by putting both my hands on either side of her face and forcing her to look at me once more. "Do you think you could read a book or play cards now?" I asked it as a joke, but I had plans for when she left for Volterra too.

"Maybe cards," she agreed with a shrug. "The paper in a book is thinner."

I nodded my agreement. "You're right, but it's all in how aware you are of the force you use and the pressure you exert with your fingers. Learning the pressure you need for one thing only leads you to be more cautious of the pressure needed for the next thing you touch, and so forth. You never forget it and it's always there reminding you to be careful."

Her pink lips pursed together. "I want to open the damn doors by myself. I hate waiting to be let in like a little dog that was let out to piss."

My booming laugh echoed around us. She huffed above me, aggravation filling her as I laughed. I forced myself to stop before she let her emotions overtake her. "I wasn't laughing at you but the comparison you decided to use, baby."

"Oh," she realized quietly.

I hugged her tightly to my chest, my fingers clutching into her brown hair as she sighed. "So you want to open the doors, huh?"

"God, yes!"

"I thought you'd say you wanted to work on getting yourself dressed... After all, your only option for Italy will be Peter."

"I choose Esme," my mate said immediately.

I snorted in spite of myself. "Have you thought about the possibility that Esme may not want to help you?"

Isabella leaned away from me, her face a mask of confusion. "I don't understand…"

"It's not that she doesn't like us…or _you_," I explained. "But their only real job is to deliver you to the brothers. They aren't there to make life comfortable for you."

"That doesn't sound like Esme," Bella muttered looking down at my face.

"It isn't," I assured her. "But that is why Peter is going. His job is to take care of you, to help you and watch you during the trip. Carlisle and Esme have no real obligation in that regard like he does. And to be honest, taking care of a newborn, especially on a trip of this calibre, really isn't high on anyone's list right now, Isabella."

"So they won't help me at all?" she asked in a quiet voice.

I shook my head and sighed. "It's not like that, baby. It's more that you aren't their responsibility. And I just want you to be aware of that before you leave – or before they come here, I should say."

At the realization that _other_ vampires would be invading our personal space, Isabella naturally, instinctually became concerned and protective – even if they had my permission to come. Charlotte's footsteps had us both standing up and turning to see her approach the opened doorway. "They are coming here," she stated flatly as she appeared. "To our home."

My mate's eyes narrowed at the other woman and I murmured to her to go pick up her cards and bring them to me. I watched her go without her questioning me, but I still felt the jealousy and disdain swirling in her emotions as she went. I turned back to Charlotte with a scowl on my face. She wore a similar expression, and the simmering anger was building as she waited for my explanation.

"Of course they are coming here," I half growled at Charlotte. "There isn't a chance in Hell she would just leave with them without knowing who they are first."

"She knows them," Char replied bitterly.

"Barely," I shot back. "She barely remembers that much about them, and what she does pull forward from her memories, it isn't good. She needs to trust them – if not as much as she does Peter, then at least similar. I want her to see them, to speak with them, and to enjoy their presence around her, Charlotte. I need to know she is going to be relatively okay with them. Surely you can understand that."

She hissed under her breath and glared at me. "Of course I understand. I just don't like it. I have to be concerned for Ethan too."

"Ethan will be fine," I assured her.

Charlotte snorted and rolled her eyes, her shoulders sinking at my words. "No, he won't, and we both know it. He has a hard enough time with Peter, and now he can't even stand to be put in the same room with you without his fear taking over."

I grimaced. I hadn't had the chance to apologize or explain myself to the other newborn since the incident that had left him without an arm. Of course Peter and Charlotte had helped heal him and calm him enough to get him to return, but not without difficulty. And now he wouldn't even look me in the eye. He was absolutely terrified of the thought of me. I didn't want that but I had yet to figure out a way to fix it.

"Carlisle and Esme are different from all of us," I replied after a moment of silence between us. "He still retains his diet, which in itself will make him interesting to Ethan, and Esme just has a natural calm about her that makes people enjoy her presence. They might be good for him. Peter agrees with me, Char."

Her eyes flashed angrily. "Wait! Peter knew and didn't tell me?"

Shit.

"Well, he thought it would be better if I did," I supplied.

Before Charlotte could reply, Isabella started squealing her triumph at picking all the cards up and stacking them neatly in her hand without a single rip or tear. I turned to look at my mate with a smile and then turned back to Charlotte with a shrug of my shoulders.

"I'd rather not argue about it, Charlotte. Not right now," I said pointedly, referring to the happy moment my mate was experiencing.

"Fine," she huffed. "Just…how long are they staying?"

"They will arrive four days before the departure to Italy."

"That's not a very long time for her to become acquainted with them," Char said, confused.

"It's not, but I'm hoping the natural memories she has of them will help somewhat," I explained.

"Do you trust them as much as you trust Peter?"

I looked back at Isabella, who was flipping through the deck at a slightly faster speed than I had ever seen her do before. The answer was simple, really: of course I didn't. Peter was her sire, so his responsibility lay much deeper than theirs, and so did his concern.

"I don't know why you bothered to ask that," I stated, my voice thick with emotion.

Her hands wrung together before she muttered under her breath, "Because I need to hear it."

"I trust Peter more than anyone, even after I lied to him about my intentions with you during our trip to Phoenix. I still trust his judgement and decisions regarding her. They'll be fine. I _know_ they will."

Char's eyebrow cocked at my words. "Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

I clenched my jaw. "Both."

Charlotte looked away from me and stared out at the forest for a moment before speaking again. "Earlier this morning..." she trailed off.

"What?"

"Ethan. He was asking again, wanting answers."

"And?" I knew it was hard for Ethan. He had nothing to go on but his memories, and I figured most of those memories were difficult. But his mind wasn't safe and I couldn't allow anything to hurt my mate or our family. "What did you tell him?"

Charlotte scoffed under her breath. "What _can_ I say? I know nothing of what happened before, just what came after."

"You say nothing!" I snapped at her quickly. "Nothing at all."

"He's so alone, Jasper. He feels so alone," she whispered sadly.

"I know," I responded in a softer tone. "But he won't always be that way, Char. It will get better."

I looked over at my mate, who had sat down at the edge of the forest on a fallen log. She was watching us silently, but I could feel her curiosity and jealousy.

"And what will you tell Bella?" Charlotte asked, following my gaze.

I grimaced. "I want her to have a clean break," I answered honestly. "I want her to be free from all of that, without the anger and vengeance. I don't want to put her in a position where she has the option to go back and put herself into an unsafe place. I'll never give her the option."

"I don't understand," Charlotte murmured.

"She remembers the baby," I explained.

"But? I feel a 'but' in that statement."

"_But_," I replied with a bitter smile, "She doesn't remember what happened to him. She doesn't remember what Peter told her or what I had when I came back. Her memories are like photographs: stills without words. She never heard a lot of what I spoke to her about during her change either. I just want her to have a clean break," I repeated.

"So?"

I sighed before looking at Charlotte again. "I'm going to lie."

...

An hour later, Isabella was finally ready to learn how to turn the door handle. I'd taken the smooth, rounded doorknob off our connecting bathroom door, broken the rounded piece off from the rest and smoothed the rough edge with my thumb before bringing it to her. Charlotte stood off to the side, watching me with curiosity as I opened my mate's palm and set the circular object in her hand.

Isabella immediately went to clench her fingers around the metal but my fingers stopped her from doing so. My hand wrapped around hers lightly, and I controlled the pressure of my hand to close around her hand at a speed and pressure that I knew wouldn't bend, dent, or break the metal of the knob.

Once her hand was enclosed around the knob, I let go and smiled at her.

"Do you feel how lightly you're holding it?" I asked her as she lifted her hand and stared at what I had done.

"Sort of," she muttered.

"Your automatic reaction is to do what?"

"Grip it tightly," she told me.

"Right. But how tightly are you really holding it?"

"I know I'm holding it well enough that it's secured in my grip, but it feels like it's barely there," she replied, confused.

I chuckled and nodded before grabbing a hold of her hand and slowly pulling back her fingers. The knob lay as perfect and intact as it had when I had first placed it in her palm. "It just becomes a realization that these things around us aren't meant to withstand the force we project naturally. Nothing is really made for us to hold or touch, except for each other. We adjust ourselves around objects and accommodate the rest. The first instinct is to treat it like it can handle you grabbing it, like this doorknob…or a t shirt, almost like you need to hold it tightly enough that it won't fall from your hands."

"But that's kind of impossible, right?" Isabella asked, glancing up at me.

I nodded again. "Right. Your reflexes won't allow it time to fall or slip from your grasp."

"Huh," she muttered under her breath.

Char giggled from her perch. "I never thought about that explanation for Ethan."

I waved at her dismissively. "I'll take care of it."

"It's unlikely he'll even let you near him," she retorted.

My mate growled at Charlotte, showing her obvious aggravation at her presence. "Stop!" I murmured quietly to Isabella.

She said nothing. Instead, she flexed her fingers around the metal of the rounded doorknob again and again, feeling the different levels of pressure she was applying to the object within her grasp.

"I've got to run out," Charlotte told me while I continued to watch my mate. "We need some more things here and Peter has an order at that hardware store that I need to go in and pick up."

"He left another list on my shelf in the bedroom too," I lied. "He wanted to know what I would want included. Don't forget it when you go."

Charlotte made her way off the ledge she was sitting on before moving to go inside the house. Isabella's head snapped up and she pushed past Charlotte, the immediate anger she felt becoming a bit more pronounced as I watched her shield lightly extend from her body before she moved through the opened doorway without a word to either of us. I listened to Bella as Char stood there, confused my by mate's actions.

I whispered low so only Charlotte would hear me. "There was no list; we would never need one."

Isabella opened the door to our room without hesitating before I heard her growl in aggravation and walk around the space we occupied.

"She wouldn't want me in your room though," Charlotte realized out loud.

"Nope." I grinned. "But I knew she'd be far more worried about getting there before you to stop that from happening than concentrating on turning a doorknob."

"She's adjusting well," Char observed.

"At times," I replied with a little shrug.

"Jasper, there is no list in here!" Isabella shouted from inside our room.

"I meant Char's bedroom, Sugar," I replied with a smirk in Char's direction.

"You said, 'my shelf'."

"Yeah, there is a shelf on Peter's wall that I made. We put it in there to make sure it wouldn't be broken by accident." I chuckled to myself at the white lie.

"Oh," Bella muttered to herself. "Sorry, Charlotte," my mate said after a moment.

I smiled at Char as she winked at me. Isabella would come around slowly; she just needed some time.

"It's only natural," Charlotte replied before moving back into the house to retrieve the fake note.

"Hey!" Isabella shrieked out of the blue.

Before I could count to two, she was standing out on the front porch with a smile on her face. Pride filled her, but I said nothing – I just shoved my hands in my pocket and leaned against the railing of the porch.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I opened the door!"

I cocked my eyebrow at her before I nodded. Her tiny fist reached out and hit me in the shoulder. "There was no note at all, was there?"

As Charlotte flew out the door, unlocking her new Mazda as she went, she shot us both a sly smile and replied, "Nope!"

...

I tossed the metal doorknob back and forth with my mate out on the back lawn. She was doing all right with catching it, only denting the metal occasionally, but she was still enjoying herself immensely. It wasn't really hard for a newborn to learn to control their strength. Once they got it, they never forgot it the next time. Occasionally, something else would overwhelm them and a mistake would happen, but Isabella was moving along fantastically.

"Will you tell me where you went last week?" Isabella asked as she tossed the doorknob back and I caught it easily before tossing it back to the ground.

"We talked about this, Sugar. It's better left alone."

"But-"

"Just leave it alone," I repeated.

"Did you go to Forks?"

"Isabella."

"You saw Carlisle and Esme, right?"

"Stop!" I warned.

"It was about Italy?"

Jesus H. Christ. "A little, yes."

"Why did you need to pick up paperwork? For who?"

"Bella!"

"Why did you go back to Forks though?"

I sighed and stared at her, defeated. "Because someone requested to see me," I explained without giving her much else to go on.

"Carlisle and Esme?"

"No."

"Who?" she asked quietly.

"Your father," I said in the same tone before sitting my ass down on the grass. "To keep up appearances and to keep suspicion away, Carlisle and Esme remained after the house burned down."

"What? The house burned down?"

I patted the grass beside me and she made her way over before sitting down and curling into my side contentedly. "I know you don't have clear memories of what happened, but you weren't really there to see the house burning either. Esme lit the house on fire during her argument with Carlisle apparently. Anyway, it worked well for our situation because it gave us an alibi for your death."

She said nothing, but her arms wrapped around my waist squeezed me tighter.

"There was nothing for any officials to find, no bodies to bury. They already had an alibi for me, so Charlie knew I was out of town when it happened. Carlisle and Esme told everyone that Emmett and Rosalie had taken the night to go to Seattle. Only you, Edward, and Alice were pronounced dead because of the fire."

"Charlie wanted to see you," she said, sounding as if she were mulling the words over.

"Yes..." I trailed off.

"Was he sad?"

"He's better," I offered instead. "Jacob was there also."

"Jacob," she muttered, and I looked down to see her narrowing her eyes in an attempt to put a face to the name. "Jacob."

"You called him Jake, actually. He was your best friend."

"I can't..."

I shushed her and bent down to kiss her cheek. "It's all right. It's better if you don't force the memories."

"What happened with Charlie?"

"Well, the day we met up was the day after what had been your memorial."

"Oh," she whispered as sadness filled her. "Does he miss me?"

I licked my lips. "That's a rather stupid question, Sugar. Of course he does. But the way he looks at it is that you're in a better place where you can be happy and free."

"I am," she agreed quickly.

"I think he has a different view," I teased lightly.

She jumped up from my lap, brushing her legs off, and a sense of determination came through her emotions. "I'm not going to be sad because I _am_ happy and I _am_ free."

"I know," I said softly. "But it's okay to mourn for what you don't have."

"I don't want to though," she retorted with a scowl.

"What?" I was confused a bit.

"I don't want to mourn anything."

Without another word, she picked up the doorknob I'd previously thrown to the grass and tossed it into the air, catching it easily with two hands when it came back down. She looked back at me and smiled as she tossed it into the air once more.

"You make me happy, Jas. I have nothing to mourn. I gained more than I lost."

Had she?

...

I was lying back on the grass, lost in my thoughts, as Isabella danced around me, humming a tune and tossing the metal doorknob into the air. She'd pretty well managed to dent and bend it to the point where it wasn't really circular anymore, but she wasn't crushing it completely or even really ruining it at all.

And she was amused, happy, and enjoying herself. I wasn't about to stop that.

Even with her emotions saturating me, I was lost in my own world at that moment. I was back to running again – running from Forks, from Seattle with the files in my hands as I moved through the forest at blinding speeds. The new identities had been right where Emmett had sent them. Not a thing was out of place.

I had watched Elizabeth's movements via the internet. That black card I had given her was attached to an account I had set up online to watch all her transactions. She hadn't listened to me, not by a long shot. I had told her to run as far as she could away from where she currently was. I had wanted her out of the country, if possible. Even so, she hadn't gone far.

It was almost laughable where she did go. Ironic even.

Elizabeth had packed her family up – Lysen included – and moved exactly one state away, directly beside our current state. I could be in her front yard within the hour if I wanted to. My original thinking had been quite simple: the farther away from us she was, the less likely it would be that someone – mainly of our kind – would notice them. I liked the thought of them being close though. I could be there in a heartbeat. I could – and would – watch them more closely this way.

I had smelled her far before I ever hit her warnings or boundary lines.

Alice.

I scouted, tracked, and searched for the female, leaving behind more than enough of an announcement that I had been here and that I had crossed what she considered to be _her_ grounds.

Alice had taken a lesson from James when it came to marking her territory. Her ways were violent, her methods and the messages she wanted to get across to whoever came around were quite clear. She wanted no threats, and it was likely no normal vampire with basic instincts would ever want to cross her lands and take the chance of possibly coming face to face with another vampire, even a female one that seemed to have a liking for visible and cruel violence.

I had to respect Alice a bit for the effort she put into it, but it wouldn't keep me out; it never would. I'd cross her lines again and again and there wouldn't be a thing she could ever do about it. Because even though she was protecting everything she had left that was important to her, so was I in a way.

I had searched for her to some extent, but she had stayed far enough away that I couldn't get a view on her. I knew she had been there though, watching me. It didn't unnerve me in the least. Alice didn't intimidate me; she never would.

Even so, she was doing everything she could to keep others of our kind out should they come too close. I knew it was very likely she'd probably succeed in that goal, and if someone did manage to cross her boundary line – be it out of stupidity or curiosity – they most likely wouldn't survive it. She'd kill them. Everything on her land, every show of violence and warning, said it clearly.

And Alice could do it. Easily.

She was damn lucky too, being as close as she was to my family and having not been noticed yet. Of course, we hadn't taken either Isabella or Ethan hunting that side of our state. And now that I knew they were there, I would probably do all that I could to keep my mate away from the area completely.

Isabella didn't know Alice though, and that would work to my advantage. She'd never smelled the female as a vampire and I was sure the image she had in her human memories wasn't bang on to how she would perceive her as a vampire. My mate didn't know Alice – not like Peter, Charlotte, or I did. She would never recognize her enough and I wasn't about to take her to her.

I might have been wrong to do it. Hell, I knew Isabella would hate me for it. Regardless, I trusted Alice. I _had_ to. She hadn't left me with many other options. If she had wanted the little boy dead, she would have done it already and not spent the time being so meticulous in protecting him.

She loved the child – not as a mother, or a mate, or anything else. She just cared for him and wanted to keep him safe. I had a feeling Alice was working on redemption for something, most likely Lee, but at the time I wasn't about to think too hard about it.

And I had to admit to myself that I understood her. I knew Isabella never would and she'd probably never understand my reasoning either, but _I_ understood. I trusted and knew why Alice was doing what she was doing, not to mention what she already had.

I'd have done the same damned thing if it had been me.

Now it was all just a matter of keeping my mate far enough away that she would never really know the truth. I wanted to give her distance. I wanted her to have that clean break from those memories and that life. I wanted to see her heal and grow, live and be happy. I didn't want her to dwell in anger and hunt her days away to see if she could avenge what she had lost. I didn't want any of that for her.

It was selfish of me to expect it, to force it, but I would.

Luck was on my side, too, even though I knew I shouldn't see it that way. I needed to make a choice and stick to it. Isabella barely had clear memories of anything. She couldn't really remember what had happened before that had led up to her burning, but she rarely asked many questions regarding it or why. She trusted my answers. She never really questioned me about anything.

I was going to abuse that; I knew it.

I was lost in the memory though; lost in my thoughts again.

_When I arrived at Elizabeth's new residence, the sun was nearly setting. I stuck to the shadows of the tree line, counting the houses that surrounded the small area. There were only four and they were well enough spaced, not including Elizabeth's. In a way, I was happy she had chosen a place where they could have the option of making friends and being in a community they could be involved in. I wanted the child to grow up surrounded by people, not secluded and hidden. _

_Some of the older children were outside. But no adults were. Once the sun disappeared, I made my way onto the property quietly and slowly, hoping that one of the kids would see me and run in to tell their mother someone was near. They never did until I was right up on them, and I moved right past them without a word, giving them a little wave instead. They didn't know me, but it was obvious they knew what I was. Fear filled the three of them, but I shook my head and gave them a small smile before knocking on the front door. _

_Elizabeth's form immediately came into view, a little blond boy resting on her hips with a training cup stuck in his mouth. He greedily sucked away at the liquid within the cup, not even caring that I was standing five feet away from him. _

"_You don't mess with him when he's eating or drinking," Elizabeth said, noticing me staring as she opened the screen door and stepped out onto the porch. She shot a pointed look in the children's direction before they scampered off around to the back of the house. _

"_He'd fit right in with our kind then," I joked as I watched the children disperse. _

"_Is that why you're here?" she asked softly. "To take him back?"_

_My head snapped back in her direction in shock, my red eyes meeting her very human ones. "No."_

"_Good, because I've become quite attached to him," she replied, kissing his blond curls before setting him down on the porch. _

_I pulled the file out of my pocket in my coat and handed it to her, explaining its contents as I did so. Emmett had set them up without anyone ever knowing it was him who had done it. They would never need my money again when they had more than enough from his new accounts in their new names. She grimaced at the names within the files for her and her husband, but she didn't mind the ones for the children. _

"_Janet?" she muttered. _

"_I didn't choose it." I smirked. _

"_And the boy? What of Lysen's new identity – his papers I need for doctors, schooling when it comes, things of that nature?" _

_I watched Lysen stand up and then wobble, cup still attached to his lips, across to where an old bench sat on the porch. Little peals of laughter floated from him at his accomplishment. I revelled in the innocent emotions, watching as his tiny hands slapped against the wood of the bench in happiness. _

"_I have it all in the works. It will be delivered here within a month," I explained as we watched the child. _

"_How often will you be visiting?" _

_I looked at her once more, my eyebrows knitting together as I thought about how I should answer her. "I won't be coming back. I broke my promise once – I never wanted him to see me again and now he has. I won't do it again. You should know, though, that there is someone else watching you all, protecting you, and I will be watching too. You have nothing to worry about."_

"_Should that make me feel safe?" she asked with a touch of sarcasm coloring her words. _

"_It should, but I can understand your hesitancy toward it," I muttered in response. _

"_I... I'm sorry, Jasper. I just don't want to run again. I want my kids to live and grow where they don't feel like they have something to fear in doing so," she told me honestly. _

_I bent down and caught Lysen easily within my grasp as he tripped over his own little feet. I looked back up at Elizabeth with a small smile and nodded my agreement to her wishes. "You can now."_

"_Good," she replied. Her hands waved at the child giggling in my arms, squirming within my grasp. I moved my fingers against the material of his tiny black shirt, chuckling as I tickled him and his little giggles turned into more laughter and he squirmed again. "I'll give you a minute with him."_

_I hadn't even really wanted one, had I? _

"_Hello," I whispered to Lysen, unable to contain the smile that graced my lips as he grinned back at me. "Aren't you just the little king of the house, hmm?"_

_His little fingers waved in response before he leaned out of my grasp toward the training cup sitting abandoned two feet away on the porch. I let him move for it, watching as he walked carefully over and bent down with a tiny wobble before picking it up. He immediately sat himself down onto the wood as the cup's nozzle came back in contact with his lips and he sucked back the fluid again. He looked so content and happy – much more than he probably had been when he'd first woken up with the new people who now surrounded him. _

_I couldn't help but become a bit lost in the quiet, private moment I had with the child. I might have, at one time, given a passing thought of him possibly being mine, or wanting him to be so, but I knew it was better that he wasn't. I knew it was safer this way. _

_And I was okay with that. _

_He turned to look back at me and smiled huge around the nozzle of his cup, his tiny teeth showing. His little feet kicked against the wood and I grinned back before dropping down to his level and sitting beside him. I wasn't sure what kids his age enjoyed, let alone managed to do. Even still, he put his cup down and his hands clapped together before they balled into tiny fists and he rolled them around one another. _

"_Patty cakes?" I asked him, laughing. His hands clapped harder and he laughed along with me as I held out my own hands for him to clap against mine. I sang the song quietly to him; amused by the happiness he gained by the simple game._

_Elizabeth came to stand behind the screen door, smiling as she watched but not interrupting. A few more rounds of me singing the song to him and I started to feel his lethargy levels rising before he released a yawn that had me standing and chuckling. _

"_Thank you," I said to Elizabeth as she moved out onto the porch and picked him up into her arms. _

"_Be safe, Jasper," she replied before moving back into the house without another word. _

Someone calling my name brought me out of my memory and I looked up to see my mate standing over me with an amused expression on her face. "Wow, I think you just travelled to La La Land," she teased.

"Sorry," I replied with what I hoped looked like an innocent expression.

Her face darkened for a moment and I felt the aggravation and hunger start to fill her. "I'm thirsty," she explained with a bitter tone.

I nodded and stood up, brushing the dirt off my jeans before holding my hand out for her to take. She did so without hesitating. "I was hoping we could wait until Peter got back from his hunt with Ethan, but for whatever reason, they're taking quite a bit longer today."

"Animals then?" she asked with a grimace.

I chuckled and nodded. "Tomorrow we'll travel out. Maybe I'll let you pick this time."

"How?" Her emotions filled with curiosity, worry, and a touch of anticipation.

"We'll see," I answered vaguely.

I let her take her warped metal ball over to the porch, and as she returned to my side, running echoed through the woods surrounding us, followed shortly by shouts and growls. Isabella, knowing to whom the running belonged, moved closer to my side but otherwise remained calm.

I could feel aggravation, embarrassment, anger, disappointment, and disgust rolling off Ethan in waves as he broke through the tree line, avoiding our confused gazes at all costs. He grabbed on to the doorknob of the back door, crushing it, but he pushed it open regardless.

Peter, feeling amused but concerned, broke through the trees not long after, still shouting for Ethan. "Come on, Ethan, it's all right! If you'd just calm the Hell down, I could explain."

"What happened?" I asked Peter as he came to a stop beside me. "You were gone long enough."

He shot me a look. "I wanted to fuckin' hunt too, all right? But the boy wouldn't let me go too far from his sights. It isn't easy to hunt like that with a newborn."

I quirked an eyebrow at my brother. "Why was he feeling do uncomfortable and embarrassed?"

Peter sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He looked at Isabella warily before finally answering. "He…uh...had a _moment_ while I was hunting."

"What?" I asked seriously. I knew what he meant; I was just surprised. "Really?"

"It's not funny," Peter muttered. "I get it. I understand. It's not like he can fuckin' control it or whatever."

"I'm lost," Bella whispered to me.

My mate hadn't yet made the connection between blood and sex… Not really. It wasn't something she had shown much interest in yet, and I hadn't bothered to introduce her to it. I would when I figured she was ready.

I gritted my teeth before trying to explain quietly to my mate what exactly Ethan's issues were. "Ethan became…"

"Spit it out!" Bella snapped.

"He fuckin' _liked_ seeing me hunt," Peter hissed at her. "He liked it, Bella – as in he really, _really_ liked it. Okay? "

"Wait! Like he was _aroused_?"

Peter groaned and shot me a look of desperation. I nodded at my mate. "It's normal," I told her truthfully, "even if Peter _is_ a male."

"I don't get aroused when I see him hunt," Bella shot back. "Does that mean Ethan's gay?"

"Oh, Jesus fuckin' Christ," Peter said under his breath.

"Stop!" I warned him. "She really hasn't been able to focus on that aspect of hunting yet. Just the act of it overwhelms her enough."

Peter muttered a half-hearted apology before warily looking back at the broken door that Ethan had disappeared through. "At least I can sympathize with the kid," he said more to himself than to us.

"What happened during the hunt that caused it?" I finally asked my brother.

"A female had stopped along the side of the road to have a cigarette. Maybe she didn't like smoking in her car or something… I don't know. It was hard enough getting to her without him losing control as it was. He can't control it, and I understand that, but I can only imagine how he feels about himself right now."

"So go make him understand," I replied quietly. "Isabella needs to hunt."

...

I watched her take down three deer, draining them completely and covering herself in blood in the process. The red soaked and stained the fabric of her clothes, making it cling to her skin even more than before. The white of my shirt that she was wearing became basically non-existent, and I couldn't help but to gaze upon the flesh that lay beneath as she dug a hole around the roots of the trees where she planned to bury her meals. I enjoyed hunting for her, but she also liked to hunt for herself when it came to animals.

And fuck it – I liked to watch the show.

"So," she said as she continued digging through the dirt, "Ethan's gay?"

I chuckled under my breath and moved over to help her dig faster. "No, but I'm sure he feels like he doesn't understand what is going on at the moment, especially when it comes to his..._preferences_…sexually."

"I don't understand," she replied softly before sitting down beside the hole when we finished.

"No, you wouldn't. You woke up with all your affection and desire directed at me. You didn't see any other options to share that aspect with. I wanted you and you wanted me. Every bit of your sexual desire is thrust in my direction, just as mine is with you," I explained as I sat down beside her. "Vampires don't really have a preference to either sex, Sugar. To our species, sex is just another act. It's just a release of frustration, a show of affection, or an act of enjoyment. Yes, it's a rarity, as none of us have ever come across a pair of vampires that have mated and are of the same sex, but it's more than possible. It doesn't necessarily make the male or female determinedly gay. But we usually tend to find ourselves with someone of the opposite sex anyway."

"But I don't...well, _Charlotte_'s female," she muttered quietly.

I snorted. "Yeah, well, it isn't likely you want to want to jump her now, is it? You have a hard enough time standing her presence as it is; can you imagine wanting to roll around in the sheets with her?" I laughed at her expression.

"She's beautiful though. Does that make me weird that I can't see myself wanting to?"

"No, it's normal. _You_ have a mate. Like I said, our affections are designated for each other. Neither of us have a need to go elsewhere for that. Although…" I added with a husky tone, "If a circumstance arose where your thoughts weren't directed at me for the moment, can you honestly say you wouldn't enjoy fingers grabbing, pressing, and touching? Silky skin and nails digging? A female's hands, fingers, lips, and skin pressed against yours?"

I listened to her breath catch in her chest and I couldn't help but nod at her when she looked back up at me, lust burning below her other emotions. It wasn't as if that was a situation I wanted to happen, but I wanted to make her understand that just because Ethan could be aroused by someone of the same sex, it meant nothing about his sexual preferences. For vampires, it didn't matter. The means were always the same as the mode.

"So Ethan's _not_ gay?"

"Sex isn't defined by how it's had in the world of vampires," I told her. "It isn't defined by gender. It just _is_. It's taken, enjoyed…and then some. Sex is just another need, like thirst, that our minds and bodies want fulfilled."

"Oh." I felt her confusion and curiosity before she asked, "Have you ever?" Her hands waved and her face scrunched up.

"Have I ever been with a male?" I laughed. "No, I was a pet of sorts to my sire. That sounds bad, but it's true. I had no need to seek the attention of a male when my sire was more than happy to accommodate all my desires and needs. I had more than enough females surrounding me at my disposal to do what I wanted sexually."

"What did Peter mean when he said he could sympathize with Ethan?" she asked me seriously.

"Peter, for his first year, was surrounded by many other newborns just like him. Our camp's female-to-male ratio was far too low for it to even be vaguely considered equal standing. Our bodies demand a sexual release that we can't hold off. We crave it, almost like we crave blood. It's a touch, a sensation, a burn. It fills and releases things you never thought were empty or otherwise. Once it's had, you want it again and again–"

"And again," she interrupted with a smirk.

"Exactly."

"So Peter has shared that experience with other male vampires?"

"Sure, many times. It isn't something he's ashamed of, but it isn't something he would like to sit down and chat about either. It isn't what he did that bothers him; it's just that time in his life that he despises. He, like Ethan, didn't understand how he could react that way to another man. Some things from our human life are just beaten into our senses, like being heterosexual or homosexual. It takes a while to learn that the morals and expectations humans have certainly aren't shared in vampire life."

My mate giggled as amusement filled her. "Still, I can't see that between them – you know, Ethan...taking Peter."

I looked at her with a serious expression and her giggles died immediately. "It probably wasn't like that," I replied in an honest voice. "We know our roles in this life. We know who is above us in rank, or ability, or strength, and I imagine Ethan instinctually would have wanted _Peter_ to take him."

She let the thought of everything I had just explained to her mull over in her mind. "What?"

"That's just our nature. What part of sex being just another need do you not seem to understand, Sugar?"

She growled at me and I shrugged indifferently, kicking my legs out into the hole and hitting my heels off the side of its wall. "It's not _that_; I just have a hard time understanding _how_..."Her voice trailed off with an expression that I couldn't decipher.

"What? Peter and Ethan? It wouldn't happen because of Charlotte," I explained with another shrug of my shoulders.

"No," she answered quietly, warily.

I could feel her embarrassment. "You shouldn't feel like that with me, Isabella. You can ask me anything, and I never want you to feel like embarrassment should hold you back."

My words seemingly helped her a bit to get it out. "Have you ever...?"

"I already told you the answer is no," I replied.

"No, I meant with another female."

"Sex?" I laughed. I'd had sex more times than I could count or cared to anyway. "Many."

"No!" she growled, frustrated.

"Just fuckin' say it!" I exclaimed.

"_Anal_," she hissed at me, "with other women! Have you ever done that with other women?"

"Oh," I said, my mouth dropping open as I did. "Why?"

"You said sex wasn't defined by how it was had or done but that it was and it was enjoyed," she explained quickly to me. "I was having a hard time seeing it when I haven't wanted that ever."

"Oh!" I repeated, a little more strongly. "Maybe because we haven't even come close to nearing that yet."

"It would _hurt_," she muttered. "How can something that hurts be enjoyable?"

"Uh, no, it doesn't, not for vampires. The immediate sensation, so I've been told, is to bear down. It's uncomfortable but not painful, Sugar."

"It won't happen," she muttered to herself. "Ever."

I couldn't help but chuckle as I looked over at her. With her head down, the brown waves of her hair covered her bloodstained cheeks, keeping her expression from me. Even still, I could feel her curiosity, a touch of fear…and underneath it all: lust.

"Maybe not _now_," I replied with a knowing smirk. "It's not something that you _plan_. Between mates, it's more likely it'll be something you or I want fulfilled. Every inch of you is for me as I am for you. The act is primal, and instincts demand we claim every inch of the other, however that may happen."

"No," she replied.

"I'm not asking you to do it," I said softly. "And I'd never force it. That's not something you should worry about. I hope you know that."

"I do," she responded with a cautious tone.

"So what's really the issue then?" I pressed.

"You never answered my question," she said instead, her eyes avoiding mine.

I leaned into her, pulling her into my side and whispering low into her ear, "No, I have not. I had no desire to claim any women – other than my mate – in that way. Why would I? It wasn't mine to have." I kissed the skin beneath her ear softly. "Now, what is really bothering you about all of this?"

"It's confusing," she mumbled against her palms, which were pressed to her face.

"Yeah, I know."

After seconds of silence passed, I heard her soft voice whisper again, her breath blowing against my neck as I turned my head away. "But...what if I wanted to?"

I said nothing. I couldn't.

...

Ethan sat brooding and angry on the porch when we returned. Isabella walked past him without a word and opened the door by herself much to his shock before closing it behind her. I knew she'd wait for me to come help her clean up after her hunting mess. It wasn't something she'd be likely to ask Peter for help with.

"You okay?" I asked the boy in front of me. "I heard you had a rough day."

"Don't act like you care!" he snapped bitterly.

"Funny thing is," I muttered before sitting myself down beside him on the steps, "I actually _do_ care, despite what you may think."

I could feel his fear of me being so close but he showed nothing outwardly. "I hate this," he said with a wave at himself.

"It takes some getting used to," I replied with a chuckle. "It's not easy."

We sat in silence for minutes before I finally spoke again.

"I'm sorry for what I did, for how I reacted, and for how badly it hurt you then and now. I shouldn't have attacked you physically. I still lean back on the things I knew – how I was taught and trained when it came to raising a new vampire. It was all about blood, violence, and control. There really wasn't much space there for understanding, emotion, or care. I reacted the way I did for a few reasons, but mostly because you bit her. You _hurt_ her, and I couldn't allow that to be acceptable. I do understand there was a different way I could have gone about the situation, but at the time it was more about making sure _you_ understood _my_ position. I was wrong, Ethan."

"Do you _not_ like me?" he asked. He was strangely calm.

I stood up from where I was sitting before looking back down at him and shaking my head. "If I hadn't liked you, I would have left you to burn with your family."

Pain filled him and I flinched from the onslaught of grief. "Will you ever tell me what happened?"

"Someday," I replied. "But I will give you this for now, Ethan: the others here, they don't have the answers you're looking for. You can rage and demand whatever from them all you want, but it will get you nowhere. I'm the only one who has your answers."

"I just want to know," he said sadly.

"Sometimes those answers are better left unanswered and in the dark," I said in a quieter voice. "Especially when they have the potential to destroy you."

"Would they?" he asked, looking at me. "Destroy me, I mean?"

My eyes flickered away from him. The lies were starting already. I was weaving my own web just like they had before me.

"Maybe," I muttered. "And maybe they'd destroy someone else too."

Ethan said nothing and I left him alone to think in peace.

...

When Charlotte came home, Peter explained what had happened to her privately. She disappeared with Ethan to the basement while I sat quietly with my mate in the living room. I had the stereo playing a local radio station as I flipped through the pages of a magazine my mate was reading. I was sure she could probably flip through it herself, but it was more the time she had with me that she enjoyed than anything else.

We could hear Charlotte's quiet murmurs with Ethan down below us. It was hard to ignore when they weren't trying to hide what they were talking about.

"But, Charlotte, he's a _man_," Ethan stressed, his emotions fluctuating with his words.

"So?" she said back with a small laugh. "Did you think that bothered him, Ethan? Not really. Stuff happens… It was a normal reaction to the situation."

"I don't see Bella trying to jump _you_," he bit out.

Charlotte laughed lightly again. "Honestly? Have you heard her with Jasper? Their two-hour long showers in the morning should be enough of a clue if you haven't heard them yet. Her affection is completely placed in his hands; no one else's."

Peter chuckled in the next room before whispering quietly, "She's got a point there, man. It can't be easy on him. We can ignore it, but he can't."

Embarrassment flooded my mate at Peter's words, but I gave her a look that turned her embarrassment into a shy smile. "Don't feel like that," I told her quietly. "It isn't easy for us living so close with others but we all learn eventually how to tune certain aspects of it out. Okay?"

"Okay," she agreed.

"We should start working on your speed," I told her. "It's more difficult than strength. When it comes to travelling and Italy, you can get away with any issues you have with your strength by getting Peter to help you. But speed is something you have to learn to control yourself."

"I feel like I always move to slow," she said as I tossed the magazine to the coffee table.

I couldn't help but laugh as Peter chuckled in the next room as well. The usual frustration of being laughed at filled my mate and I apologized quickly, pushing calm into her emotions to keep her centered before she let the frustration turn into anger.

"You move too fast every time. At least for humans. Even when you just walk, to them it would seem like a run," I explained.

"Oh."

"Really, it's more about remembering to move slow, to keep a steady pace, and to work everything as one as you do it."

"Can't we put this off a while longer – Italy, I mean?" she asked, feeling defeated.

"I wish we could," I answered honestly. "I wish they could have some sense to this fuckin' thing."

Wind blew through the opened windows, the curtains blowing inward from the force. A scent I knew all too well had my head snapping up as I searched what I could see outside for proof of the scent. It didn't matter – my mate was already up and out of my arms, snarling and out of the room before slamming out of the closest doorway to the outside that she could find.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I hissed, removing myself as well and following her direction. Peter was right behind me, followed closely by Charlotte and Ethan, who had heard our abrupt departure. "Isabella, stop!" I roared.

I just saw her form in the darkness before she slipped beyond my view and into the tree line, out of sight. Peter knew the scent well. Charlotte might have even known it, but I wasn't completely sure. Ethan, on the other hand, was in a similar state to what my mate had been as he got a good whiff of the vampire in our area.

"Is that…?" Charlotte asked, confused.

I answered automatically. "It's Rosalie."


	30. Chapter 30

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N: Much thanks and love to my beta, Christie (TheFaintHeart) and my pre-readers, Ianscutie, VSPS and TheUnderStudy. **

* * *

**Chapter 30 **

**Beta'd by TheFaintHeart. Pre-read by VSPS, TheLyricalCutie, and TheUnderStudy. **

**Jasper POV**

I roared at Peter as I ensnared my mate within my arms before her teeth snapped viciously at Rosalie's shaking form.

"Hold him back, Peter!" I yelled, referring to Ethan who was currently trying to fight his way to Rosalie.

"I'm fuckin' trying," he shouted back.

I'd managed to gain enough ground on Isabella that she was only able to rip an arm off Rosalie before we hit the scene. Isabella bucked within the cage that was my arms and I forced myself to hold her tighter.

"Stop, Sugar. I don't want to but I will force you to the ground and make you calm down," I whispered in her ear as I tried again and again to calm her with my gift. It was useless really. Her own emotions were wild enough that nothing was breaking her from the point that had become the center to her focus. "Don't make me do it," I said.

"I'm s-sorry," Rosalie gasped on the ground as she pushed her body – unattached arm included – farther from my mate and I. "I just -"

"It's okay," I interrupted while trying to keep my mate contained just as she landed a hard kick to my leg. I felt my stone skin crack from the blow and I gritted my teeth and hissed from the pain. "Stop," I warned Bella again. "One more chance, baby."

Bella let loose a growl that could put many others I had heard to shame. Fear saturated my emotions from the others around us at the sound. I used the force of her weight she was throwing back and forth to swing us both backward. It gave me enough momentum to flip us back and slam into the ground with my back hitting first and arms still tightly locked around her midsection.

A roar of disbelief filled the air and she kicked her legs trying to scramble away from me. I clenched my arms tighter, gritting my teeth as I heard the crunch of her waist under the pressure I was forcing on her stone skin. Bella turned a bit, elbows digging into my side as she bared her teeth and snapped them at Rosalie once more.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I shouted at them. "Go back to the house and once I calm her down I'll meet you there!" When no one moved I growled to make my point clear. "Now!"

Rosalie scrambled to her feet ungracefully. Her eyes never left the angry form of my mate still snarling and fighting within my grasp. She took off in the direction we had come, closely followed by Charlotte and then both Peter and Ethan. Ethan went willingly; following the person he had considered the unknown and enemy.

Bella thrashed, managing to force her body and mine sideways as she watched them go. There were no coherent sentences coming from her, nothing I could distinguish anyway. Venom dripped from her mouth and spewed outward every time one of the inhuman sounds left her lips. She tried pushing herself away from me once more, fingers digging into whatever she could and legs kicking into the ground between mine I had spread. I quickly entangled my legs with her own, whispering into her ear as I did.

"You need to chill the fuck out, Sugar, or I won't let you go," I told her.

Still I got nothing in response. She bucked once more and one of her elbows slammed into my chest and it cracked at the force. That shit hurt and I'd just about had enough. I forced more calming emotions into her system, trying to fight back the force that was her own but it didn't seem to faze her in the slightest. Without warning I rolled us both over, feeling her shock and fear as I did.

Hands grabbed to find purchase in the dirt beneath her as I kept my hands wrapped tightly around her waist and legs. I hooked my feet against hers, pulling her body upward with mine as I forced myself to remain upward on my knees. With one arm forcing hers to stay tight against her stomach, my other grabbed the flesh right under her neck, gripping the skin tight as I forced her to look in the direction our family had left.

"What do you see?" I growled out. I didn't like being rough with her, but nothing else was working. If this calmed her down enough that I could manufacture calm into her then it would be worth it. "Nothing. Nothing is there. No threats. No vampires. Nothing."

She growled, head snapping back and forth but I refused to let her go and instead only squeezed tighter to the point of where I knew she wouldn't be able to talk comfortably.

"Stop making me hurt you," I hissed. "I don't want to hurt you. Look at what is right in front of your face, Isabella. Look! There is no danger, no female, nothing. It's just us."

The stormy and rage filled emotions became dulled for just a second long enough that the calming cocktail I had been trying to force into her system finally began seeping through her own. I felt her shoulders sag from the force of my gift and her back pressed against my chest. I loosened my grip on her neck just enough that she could speak.

"Us," she mumbled.

"Yeah, Sugar."

I listened to her swallow the venom that was still filling her mouth at a constant rate before she could speak again. "Who is that female?" she asked.

"You don't remember her?"

Heavy breaths forced their way out of her chest in sync with my own. All that we could hear were the sound of our rhythmic breathing and the low tones of the night fallen forest. I rested my forehead against the back of her neck, still pushing the calm from myself into her.

"Who is she?" Bella repeated through a low hiss.

"That was Rosalie Hale. She was once my sister – adopted sister," I corrected. "Her mate was Emmett." I felt the confusion war through my mate as she tried to bring forth faces for the names within her mind. "The names are familiar to you," I observed. "It's likely how you pictured them then is a bit different from now. Everything is a bit more perfected and more real through our eyes. Am I right?"

"Emmett is blurry. But he's big with curly hair. Loud and funny."

"Was," I corrected her softly. I hadn't told her any of that yet. It was one less thing for her to worry about.

"Was," she murmured. "Rosalie seems faded. But she's angry, always angry. Her eyes, I remember her eyes glaring at me."

"It wasn't that she disliked you," I defended. "It was more that she disliked the choices you made."

"I don't care," Bella snarled. "I don't want her here. Make her leave."

"I can't just yet," I replied. "I need to know why she came in the first place."

"I said make her leave!"

The anger was back again, jealousy raging beneath it all. Her reactions were normal and in a way expected. The calm I had been giving her was no longer working. I felt her face turn before I watched teeth bare and come dangerously close to my jaw. I snapped my head backward, letting out a low warning growl for her actions.

"Don't bite me," I said darkly. "You won't like what happens next."

"I don't want her here!" She screamed before thrashing in my arms once more. "I don't want her near here!"

I chuckled. "You mean to say you don't want her near me. I can feel that, sweetheart."

She stilled momentarily in my arms. Keeping my legs still hooked with her own, I released my hold on her arms but kept the hold on her neck. My free hand slid across her chest and down her stomach as I felt a burning lust overtake her anger. I grabbed her hip tightly, forcing her ass into my groin. Dirty hands covered my own. Dirt brushed against my skin as she whimpered quietly.

My fingers around her neck clenched a little tighter and her breath stilled. "You hurt me," I accused in a teasing tone.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No," I muttered through chuckles. "You most certainly are not."

I released her hip but her ass stayed firmly pressed against my jeans. Without caring how I would get her back to the house unseen I ripped a straight line down the shirt she was wearing from the back of the neck right to where it fell above her waist line. My teeth grazed roughly along her spine and I felt the shiver rack her body violently.

Lust burned. I smiled against skin.

"Stop trying to distract me," she hissed.

"I am not," I replied indignant.

"You are!"

I snorted. "I am not merely _trying_, Sugar. I am succeeding," I said as I nipped my teeth hard against the flesh on her neck.

My chuckles echoed around us before I felt her hand that I had previously let go slam into my jaw. The resounding shock filtering from my system had me momentarily paralyzed. I released her immediately not thinking of what she would do. In a blink she was out of my arms and running toward the house again. I shook my head and forced myself to move, growling loudly at the pain in my face.

She was fast but kept turning to look at me as she ran. It slowed her considerably and I caught up in seconds. We tumbled to the ground again, dirt and leaves clinging to clothes and skin. She snarled, teeth snapping at my face and neck as I pinned her beneath me. I pressed my cock, hard and hidden by my jeans against her center. She groaned, head slamming back against the forest floor before I smirked in satisfaction as her eyes rolled backward.

"Stop hitting me," I muttered before pulling the ruined shirt from her body. "And stop running."

"I want you to let me go," she said hoarsely.

My eyebrow quirked upward as I looked at the woman beneath me. Her fingers dug into my chest through my tee-shirt and hips rocked against my own to create friction between our bodies. I didn't even need to feel the lust burning within her emotions to know that was the farthest thing from the truth.

"No," I stated through a smirk. "You just wanted to be chased and forced down like an animal instead."

"You're an _asshole_," she breathed out before her fist connected with my jaw once more. I snarled, feeling the crack crystallize and heal almost instantly along my skin.

Her hand pushed against my jaw line and chin, fingers gripping onto my opened mouth before I bit down on the digits roughly. She hissed but didn't pull away. My hand grabbed onto her hip while the other grasped onto her neck and I pulled her up so that she was chest to chest with me.

"Is that what you wanted, Sugar? To be chased, forced and then fucked like an animal?" Red eyes rolled once more as I watched her teeth clench and air hiss from her mouth. "Because I can do that."

Without abandon, her opened palm connected with the side of my face once more. My head snapped sideways and I released the building growl that had been warring to be let loose since we hit the ground. Her chest heaved against my own.

"I want her gone," Bella hissed beneath me.

"No," I ground out through clenched teeth.

"Make her leave!"

"Not going to happen, Sugar. Get over your jealousy."

Teeth grazed along my jaw and I felt her pink, wet tongue slide between her lips against my skin before she bit down hard. I swallowed back the howl of pain as venom pumped into the wound. When she finally released my skin I met her blackened eyes with my own. I drew ragged breaths through my teeth in an effort to calm the burning in my jaw.

"Oh, Bella," I muttered thickly. "You're going to regret _that_."

Lust burned through her emotions, swirling and capturing my own as I watched her teeth show through a snarling grin. Teeth snapped and fingers grabbed at my skin again.

Her voice, darkened and hazy with desire broke any reserve I may have had as she said, "I hope so."

...

I had the side of her face pressed into the dirt, my one hand on the back of her neck holding her down as her back arched up into my body. She was like a cat, growling, hissing, panting, and pleading. I felt the trickles of venom trailing lines down my back as the wounds attempted to heal. Her nails had dug so deep into my skin. It hurt, so fuckin' badly but it felt so fuckin' well too.

So painfully good.

Dirt crisscrossed smudges and marks across both our bodies. I'd had her on her back with her feet pressed to my chest. I'd taken her against a tree where my back had received its painfully good torture. Pink lips parted as she gritted her teeth and panted through another orgasm. I felt the near oblivious pleasure rock her emotions and I was sure the moan that came from my mouth sounded somewhat between a whimper, moan and growl.

Was that even possible?

It was with her.

I pulled those blissfully overwhelming emotions from her, feeding them into myself as I fell off the precipice right behind her. Her body took me deeper as I came. No coherent words were spoken. My nails dug into the flesh of her ass, breaking skin and I felt the venom pool around the tips of my fingers. She whimpered when I finally stopped pounding deep into her. Her walls clenched once more around my cock, sending a shudder ripping through my chest before my chest fell into her back.

"Oh," I heard her mumble against the ground. "Oh, oh... Oh."

I purred my agreement contentedly against her spine before leaning back upward and kissing her dirty skin. My mouth covered the two bites I had made on the back of her shoulders. I licked them clean, healing and soothing the deep wounds before moving down to the deep scratches on her backside and sealing them as well.

She wasn't showing any pain from my markings or the after effects of the healing. "How much pain are you really in?" I asked quietly.

"It stings," she answered honestly with bliss coloring her tone. "But I'm finding that it's not a bad pain."

"It will be," I half muttered to myself. Even so, I couldn't find a lick of guilt in my own emotions for every mark that was mine where I had left them across her skin. She wanted it. Hell, she begged to feel it. "I think I should take you hunting," I said pulling out from her body, wrapping my arms around her waist and bringing her up to rest within my lap. She curled against me, dirty hair fanned out across my skin. "You'll be fed, calm and happy. It'll cull the instincts a bit when we go back to see Rosalie again."

She tensed, teeth gritting together in an effort to hold back a snarl. Deep scarlet eyes, framed in dark lashes looked up at me in defeat. "I'm... trying really hard not to get angry again," she explained before averting her eyes.

I curved my one hand around her waist, moving my thumb back and forth in a comforting gesture to help calm her naturally. She needed to learn how to control her own temperament without my influence all the time. I wouldn't always be able to help. I couldn't always help. And to be honest, I didn't want to feel like I needed to constantly manipulate her state of emotions to make her more agreeable to situations. That just wasn't okay for me in regards to Isabella.

"That in itself is quite a feat," I said with a smile. "Most newborns don't stop long enough to think about trying to control the anger. They just don't care."

"I didn't earlier," she mused with a playful grin.

"No, you were right within your actions. But when I tell you to stop, you need to listen to me." As I thought she would, anger flashed in her emotions from my words. Again, I wasn't going to manipulate her into a calming state so she'd listen. I wanted her to do it on her own. "I want you to trust me when I speak."

"I do," she ground out before crossing her arms across her bare chest. "I just don't understand why she is here. She doesn't need to be here. I don't want her here."

"I know," I said sighing. "Believe me, Sugar, I know."

"It's never going to get better, is it?"

I couldn't help but laugh a bit but the laughter soon died out when her angry eyes flashed up at me. "It will. You'll always feel some anger or jealousy toward other women who say, aren't mated or show interest in me. Right now it's every female you see. Eventually it'll just be the ones that you know are crossing lines they shouldn't."

"And I don't have to be jealous of Rosalie," she said under her breath.

"No," I agreed. "You do not."

"So why is she here?" Isabella asked again. Her arms dropped to the ground beneath us and she dug her fingers into the dirt. "I don't understand that."

"Probably for Emmett," I answered truthfully.

"He's not here," she replied confused.

"He was," I stated flatly. "I...uh..."

God damn it, I couldn't even finish the sentence.

"Jas?" she asked looking up at me concerned.

My voice broke a bit, eyes squeezing shut as I finally blurted it out. "He came here and asked me to finish him. I did."

"Like... kill him?" her voice gasped.

"Yeah," I choked out. "I didn't want to. But I had no choice. He didn't want the Volturi to do it so I did."

"So she knows," my mate exclaimed with fear filling her voice. She pushed away from me, turning around in my lap before her hands grabbed onto my jaw and those eyes met mine again. "She knows you killed her mate and now... now she'll want to hurt you too!"

I shook my head and leaned forward, pressing my lips to hers to calm her. It worked a tiny bit but she was still panicking beneath it all. "No, she doesn't. There isn't any way she could know I did it. I informed Carlisle of Emmett's death but gave him no other information then that. It is possible she knows-" I stopped myself, correcting that statement immediately. "No, that's wrong. I know she knows he's dead. I felt the pain and her grief. She knows. But she is not hell bent on revenge. She is confused and hurt."

"You hurt too," Bella murmured, fingers trailing the planes of my face lightly. "I see it."

The weight in my chest felt heavier with every breath I released. "I killed someone I considered a brother and a friend. Rosalie was the only Cullen I considered family other than Emmett. And now I have to look in her in the face and lie to keep her relatively happy. But she'll want something and I don't know what that is just yet."

"I'm sorry," she whispered before leaning her body against mine and kissing my cheeks, jaw and lips.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I replied.

Her head tucked into the corner of my neck and I felt her nod as I laid my head against hers. "I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't tell me," her quiet voice said.

I felt her pain at those words and my arms wrapped around her tightly. "It's not that I didn't want to. I just felt it was better that you had less things to over think and worry about."

"I want to help you not hurt," she murmured, lips pressing against my neck as she spoke. Her legs moved, straddling my waist and balancing herself above me. Silky hands trailed down my chest as soft kisses melded against my lips. Her tongue met my own, the sweet and heady taste of her venom mingling with mine and burning through my senses. I felt her hand grasp my cock, pumping it torturously slow before she lined it up to her entrance and looked up to meet my gaze once more. "Can I help you?" she asked.

She could help me forget even if it was for the moment. And I knew she'd help heal me in the long run too. I just had to get there first.

"Yeah," I breathed before her body lowered and she took every inch of me in at the same pace her hand had been moving. Walls contracted against my cock sending sparks shooting through my groin as I groaned loudly. "Isabella..."

Her hands grabbed my neck, pulling me forward as she kissed me roughly. My fingers grabbing onto her back slid downward before I gripped tight to her ass as she moved in a slow rhythm up and down my length. I could feel every inch of her; every wall and ridge and even every shudder as she took me within herself deeper still.

My eyes shut and I leaned my head back as her head fell forward and rested against the hollow of my neck. Her quiet moans and pants were near in sync with my own. I called her name, feeling my hips buck up against her own as her pace picked up.

I opened my eyes when I felt her lean back from me, hands pushing against my chest as she swivelled her hips just a bit every time her body dropped back down to meet mine. I watched those red eyes darken, her teeth bite into her lip and hair fall across skin. I heard the leaves rustle, the wind pick up and her soft whimpers as her walls tightened harder around me with every thrust of her own hips.

I wasn't going to hold out much longer. Not with the sight before me and the sounds surrounding me. Not when the scent of her sex saturated me and I could taste it on my lips. The tightening in my groin had me hissing in sheer bliss as her mouth dropped open and she cried out hard.

"More," she mumbled. "I need more."

My one hand on her ass traveled down the curve of her flesh immediately. My finger traced the sensitive tissue, feeling my own cock pulsing under the tips of my fingers as I gathered her venom juices from her folds. As my hand travelled back upward I felt her tense above me, her rocking slowing just a bit as her mouth dropped open again and she let loose a growl that sent sparks flying deep in my chest and I pressed one digit against her ass.

"Trust me," I whispered. "It'll feel so good, I promise."

She said nothing and I pressed my wet finger into her ass slowly, feeling every muscle clench around the digit before she growled once more from the sensation of the intrusion.

"Holy fuck," she gasped as I slid the finger in and out in sync with her own movements. "More please more," she repeated, her voice sounding cracked and hoarse.

I stopped for a second; just long enough to line up a second digit and press them back in slowly. I pumped them harder as she rode my cock fast. Her breaths came in heavy pants and my teeth clenched as the hot coil in my groin tightened to an unbearable point.

"You need to cum for me, Sugar," I managed to get out. "Right now."

As her walls clenched around my cock and fingers, her mouth dropped open as if she were shocked for a single moment. A silent scream fell from her lips before a broken cry worked its way from her chest and filled the air around us. The vice like grip around my cock broke that hot coil and a resounding growl thundered from my body as I released with a hard thrust into her center.

I heard nothing for a few seconds. Not the forest, or myself, or even her. It was a silence filled with color and movement but no sound. My body ached from her touch. I gathered my mate in my arms, un-joining our bodies and kissing her skin as she once again curled into my chest content and quiet.

"I have no clothes," she finally said but I heard the humour behind it.

I reached for the ruined jeans two feet away, digging through the pocket until I found what I was looking for. I pulled out the phone and dialled the only person who would be available at that moment to come.

"Yeah," Peter answered immediately. "Is she calmed down yet?"

Isabella snarled in my arms and I chuckled. "Something like that," I responded vaguely. "Hey, I need a favour."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," I said with a laugh. "I need you to bring me some hunting clothes."

"What?" His disbelieving voice asked. "Jesus, Jasper. We've got bigger issues right now."

"Keep your mouth shut, that's all you've got to do, Peter. Grab two of my shirts, a pair of Isabella's shorts and a clean pair of jeans for me and set them out by the brook."

He grumbled unhappily. "Fine."

"Thank you, Peter."

...

Peter hadn't wasted any time. He'd already dropped the clothes off and left before we got to the spot where he left them. I pulled the shirt over my mate's head, tying a small fabric knot above her lower back before helping her step into the shorts quickly.

"Okay," she mumbled as pulled the jeans on myself. "I want to dress myself."

I shot her a look before grabbing onto her hand and pulling her farther away from the cabin area. "Why?" I asked as she trailed close behind me in our run.

"I don't like feeling so helpless," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"You're not."

"I am," she snapped. "And I hate it."

I stopped my run immediately, grabbing onto her arm and making her turn to look at me. "You are not helpless, Isabella. You're not some infant who can't think for them self. You actually make an effort to try and that says quite a lot about your ability to adapt to any situation. I don't want you to think you're a burden."

"Promise?"

I pulled her into my chest, arms wrapping her into a hug before I kissed her head. "Yes, I promise. Now, let's hunt. I think I promised you something earlier..." I trailed off with a raised brow as I looked down at her.

Her eyes glinted in the little moonlight we had. Violent emotions ripped through her system and I knew the thirst was flaring.

"You said I could pick," she breathed.

I smirked. "That I did, sweetheart."

...

I took her farther than ever before, staying along the outskirts of the city and then slowly moving inward, weaving through abandoned alleyways and past shabby buildings that hadn't been used in years. I knew we were close enough to the human population that it would start to become overwhelming for her.

"Hold your breath," I ordered. "We're going to go directly into the city. With it being this late at night and where we are going the only people we're going to meet are the ones you never want to... okay?"

She nodded her agreement, eyes black with thirst. I held on tightly to her hand, bringing her close to my body before we started a slow trek through the alleys once more. I had a destination in mind, I just had to get her there without any possible issues arising that could cause us the need to back track. As I predicted, it was quiet. Barely any cars moved through nearby streets and lights above us flickered dimly as we passed in the shadows.

The sounds of heart beats, dulled from being hidden behind the concrete walls of the buildings filled both our senses and I felt the rumbling growl of thirst building within her chest.

"Do not breathe," I told her quietly, picking up my pace. "Ignore the sounds, just focus on me."

I continued walking, pulling her along with me even when she tugged my arm backward as if her body was trying to make her move in the direction of the pumping blood. I turned fast as she jerked once more, yanking her into my chest and grabbing onto her face to force her eyes to look into mine. White teeth ground together, shining against the lamp light as she looked up at me. Still, she didn't breathe once.

"Good girl," I murmured. "Now stay beside me."

My grip on her wrist tightened and she let out a tiny whimper but I refused to let go. I couldn't risk her running. Within a minute I had her backed into a small alleyway and we were hidden from view by the shadows once more. I moved toward the opening, pulling her slowly with me as I pointed across the street. It was an old park filled with a few vagrants, prostitutes and addicts slumming around the area. If a human wanted a hook up, for most anything, this is where they came for their fix in this area of the city. Until my mate could make her own choice of whom she wanted to feed on, I'd bring her to the ones I knew wouldn't be missed, who had lived their lives as a waste. I had my own way of thinking about it. She would come to her own as well.

"I'll tell you what I see," I said quietly to her. "Two men at the far right of the park by the old swings. They're farthest. Not an easy choice. A homeless woman picking at her blanket directly in front of us about a hundred yards away, still not an easy kill. Now, do you see those two women –" a car pulled up, stopping my words immediately as one of the hookers leaned in and gave her usual speech before receiving a slight nod from the driver and jumping into the passenger side without a wave goodbye to her other friend. "Even better," I said smiling. I could feel my mate vibrating beside me and I looked back at her, Isabella's eyes were squeezed shut, teeth and jaw clenched in pain and fists tight to her side as I held onto her one wrist. "Oh baby."

Her eyes opened at my words, pain flaring in her emotions before I nodded to her. A snarl left her mouth but I had my hand slamming against her lips to keep it from echoing before she could react. I pushed her against the wall, cornering her body between me and it as I kept my hand tightly placed across her mouth and nose.

"It's burning something awful, huh?" I asked. She nodded, mouthing 'I'm sorry' against the palm of my hand. I shook my head quickly. "That's alright," I soothed. "This is how you learn. Each time we'll see how much more you can take, how much longer you can go before you give in. Can you taste it? Feel it? Hear it pulsing and pumping in the air? Taste it, Sugar. I want you to taste it, make the choice and then take it."

Her eyes flickered to the opening again, scanning the area as she struggled against me to get away.

"No, baby. Not yet..." I whispered, following her gaze to see the lone prostitute crossing the grass of the park and making her way to this side of the street. "Almost here..." I breathed into her ear.

Isabella shuddered violently, body shaking and venom pooling against my hand. I forced her harder into the wall, keeping her still as I watched the female approach closer. Just before her heel clad feet hit the shadows of the sidewalk where I knew she wouldn't be seen as my mate took her I let go and stepped back.

"Take it," I hissed.

Isabella snapped into a crouch, teeth clenched as air hissed between her teeth. My body hummed in satisfaction as she flashed like light moving from the alley, crushing the female between her grasp as her hands enclosed around the neck. There were no screams as I watched her drag the already dead female into the darkness of our hideout.

Her black eyes met mine and I smiled.

To the victor go the spoils.

"Take it," I repeated.

And she did so, violently.


	31. Chapter 31

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 31: Chapter 31**

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**Beta'd by JaspersDestiny. Pre-read by VSPS, TheUnderStudy, and TheLyricalCutie.**

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**Jasper POV**

I watched silently beside Peter as Isabella, with her head low and fists clenched to her sides, muttered out the best apology she could manage to Rosalie. I had to give my mate credit; she was doing the best she could, given both the situation and the current emotional rush beating through her senses.

"She doesn't like her very much," Peter said quietly, assessing and observing the situation like I was.

"Bella doesn't know her," I corrected at the same level. "Not enough."

"Really, Rosalie– "Bella started to apologize again.

"Rose," the blonde vampire, sitting across the room with Charlotte, who was watching the healing continue on Rosalie's arm, interrupted. "You ripped off my arm. I think it's all right if you call me Rose." Despite Rosalie's calm exterior, I could feel the fear lying beneath it all. With the questions I was sure she wanted to ask, I really preferred to have her calm when she did.

Confusion rushed my mate, aggravation followed, and my eyes rolled in annoyance. "Ethan," I said loudly, forcing everyone's attention back to me for the moment. Ethan dragged his eyes away from the injured blonde but not without difficultly. I could feel the interest and lust mixed in with a heavy dose of confusion he continued to feel as he focused on me, though it was obvious where his attention was. "Ethan!" I snapped as his eyes moved back to Rose's form when she shifted in her seat.

"Yeah?" he asked with a voice that betrayed his current emotions.

Peter snickered under his breath beside me. "Not his fault," my brother said with a chuckle. "He's got nothing else to look at but two taken females, a male he's terrified of, and me. Give him a break."

"At least he doesn't want to kill her," I replied bitterly under my breath.

"Anymore," Peter added at the end.

"Ethan," I repeated one last time, gaining his full attention finally. "Can you and Bella take a walk outside?"

"But," Isabella muttered, whipping around to face me again. "I... That's..."

"I _what_?" I asked her. Her teeth clenched behind her lips and her mouth drew a tight line. "Nothing to worry about, right?" Her bright red eyes narrowed and I watched the red pools deepen darker as the anger pulsed through her. "Nothing," I repeated.

It wasn't fair to her for me to constantly calm her emotions. She needed to learn to do it on her own without my constant influence. I watched her take a few deep breaths before she growled under her breath at Ethan, who shot a half-assed glance in Rosalie's direction before following my very aggravated mate outside.

"What if she hurts the boy?" Rosalie asked quietly, once the running of the two newborns couldn't be heard. "She's certainly mad enough."

"They fight all the time," I said offhandedly. "It's better than their frustrations being taken out inside the house. Ethan's capable of defending himself. Bella's..." I trailed off, deciding I wouldn't finish that sentence.

"But won't they hurt each other?"

"Not likely," Peter replied before dropping his large frame onto the couch and picking up a book he'd left sitting there earlier. "They have rules they need to follow. Some structure is good for them. They have to be allowed some enjoyments that go farther than watching a television show."

"Enjoyments, like human blood," Rose said with an underlying tone filled with judgement.

"They drink from animals too." My words came out stronger than I intended them to. Still, the point didn't escape her completely. "Neither has asked to be on the animal diet. You'd have to force Ethan's mouth open and dump the blood by the bucketful down his throat if your diet were our only option. Bella doesn't care, but I know she appreciates being true to her wants rather than forcing her conscience."

"And you?"

"I don't concern you. There is nothing wrong with my diet."

Rosalie's eyes met mine for a split second before she glanced away. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to," I said, my voice quieting. "I can see it and feel it."

"I'm sorry." Rosalie breathed through a grimace. "It's hard, you know? Having to think about things in a different way. You, her... _this_," she finished with a wave of her hands.

"What do you want?"

I wasn't about to have a deep discussion about our new life with Rosalie, not when her underlying grief was near overwhelming for me. I just wanted to get everything over with and go back to living my fucking undead life.

Peter became much more engrossed in the book he was reading while Charlotte gave Rosalie a soft smile before making her move to leave and saying, "I'll go check on Ethan and Bella."

"Thanks, Char," I whispered with a half smile.

I turned my attention back to Rosalie, who was sitting on the lazy boy chair Peter had once claimed as 'Peter's Ugly Chair, No Women Permitted to Sit'. I think he had even had a sign made, though Charlotte had probably burned it. For Peter's ego and our patience, burning it was no doubt for the best. Even so, he said nothing as the woman occupying his chair picked at frayed threads with shaking hands and her face drawn into a mask of pain.

"Carlisle told me... I can't believe... It's–" Sobs broke through her words before she finally got a full sentence out. "He's not dead, right? Emmett, _my_ Emmett, is not dead, Jasper. Tell me he's not dead, please!"

I heard the soft sound of Peter's fingers ripping through the paper pages of his book, but he didn't look up and my attention never wavered from Rosalie's face that was now searching mine. Venom gathered in her eyes as her breath came out in erratic huffs of air.

"Please..." she sobbed out again.

My face was also a mask. I wouldn't tell her the truth. A lie was easier. Anguish saturated my senses, but my face remained impassive. Distantly I replied, "What do you want me to say, Rose? He's alive and well? Hiding from punishment? Here's the address to find him? I only know what I know, and all I know is that what you want me to say and what is true isn't the same thing."

Her broken cry had me flinching. Peter's book hit the coffee table with a thud. I shot him a look that had him guiltily looking away from Rosalie, but he said nothing.

"Who did it?" she finally hissed out. "Why?"

"You know why." I sighed heavily. "You know _why_."

"Who?" she repeated though gritted teeth.

I met her eyes once more, feeling the same anger flashing in them that pulsed within her. "It's not important, Rose."

"It is to _me_!"

"But it shouldn't be," I bit out. "You have a chance to move on, to escape whatever happens in Italy because Emmett made a choice–"

"His choices," she interrupted sarcastically, her lips turning into a sneer as she spoke, "his fucking choices killed him!"

"They might have saved you," I reasoned.

"And his _family_." Her bitterness was back. Jealousy simmered deep. "His precious _human_ family."

I looked away from her. "Don't do that, Rose. It wasn't their fault. Emmett made those choices for them. Don't blame them because you never got your answers."

Peter finally spoke, his voice quiet and calm as he clasped his hands together in front of himself. "What do you want from us?" he asked, nearly repeating my earlier question to the word. "Information? We don't have what you're looking for. Reassurance? I don't have that soft a heart. A home? Ours is pretty full at the moment."

Rosalie looked at Peter shocked, with her mouth half agape. Her eyes, pleading, turned back to me. "Jas, please?"

"I don't have what you need," I stated with a shake of my head. "Really, Rose, I_ don't. _So you need to go."

Her fingers clenched against the fabric of the chair before she leaned her body closer to mine. Air hissed through her teeth. The anger was back. "Carlisle said–"

"I don't give a sweet God damn," I roared at her before she shrunk back into the chair. "Our lives are difficult enough as it is, Rosalie. We don't need this right now."

"Don't need _what_?" she questioned scathingly. "Your family?"

A chuckle passed my lips at her words. I tilted my head a bit and watched her silently for a moment before responding. "I have my mate and I have my family."

"Do you?" she asked again. "It seems like this was just a replacement for everything you managed to destroy that the Cullens had."

"Get out!" Peter snarled.

"Don't do that, Rose. Don't question my choices, don't judge me or my family's actions, and do not begin to call me out on things you most certainly have no idea about."

"Did you change the boy?" Her question came out of the blue, and I couldn't hide the shock that replaced my anger. "Did you?" she asked again when I didn't answer immediately.

"That's none of your concern," Peter hissed from his perch on the couch.

"Are you going to Italy?" Rosalie shot out again, ignoring Peter completely.

"Rosalie," I warned.

"They'll know you changed him," she said, glowering. "And then what?"

"Are you trying to scare me?" My short bark of laughter died and my face hardened. "I killed Ethan's sire. He became my responsibility because of it. He is of no venom relation to me. I have nothing to fear from Italy, but no, I still won't be going. You, on the other hand, will have something to answer for. You, so remorseful and in your stage of grief, will be judged. No mercy, Rose."

My words were bitter, harsh, and probably unneeded. I understood her intentions, her anger, and her need to know, but I wouldn't play her games and she couldn't affect me like she thought. Her look of anger was quickly replaced by her fear, and the sobs began again.

"Jas?" Peter asked quietly.

"Just go," I replied without looking at him. He made a disapproving sound under his breath. "Go!" I ordered again.

Before Peter was even out of the house, Rosalie's pleading continued. Her sobs echoed throughout the house. Her grief was overwhelming. I tuned it out until I couldn't anymore.

"Stop!" I muttered. "You need to stop. Yes, Emmett was killed. I'm sorry if Carlisle gave you the impression that I knew more than that, but I don't, and what I do know doesn't need to be shared. I can't give you what you want, Rose, and for that I'm sorry. You made your bed and so did he, now lie in it."

"I need to know _why_," she whispered, her hands covering her face.

"Why _what_?"

"Why he chose _them_." She spat out the word like dirt on her tongue.

"You'd never understand," I said, voicing my thoughts out loud. "How can you when you've been too absorbed in everything you are to notice everything else around you. Even your own mate knew you couldn't handle that."

"As if _he_ wasn't absorbed!" she screamed back. "Lies, lies, and lies! How fantastic it feels to know it was all based on lies!"

"His love wasn't a lie," I said honestly.

"But it wasn't _enough_," she whimpered.

"It was too much," I explained. "Too much for him to handle, and he couldn't say goodbye. You couldn't honestly say if it were you in his position that you would have done it differently."

"I left my family behind," she hissed. "I let them live and die."

"Not a child," I murmured. "Not _your_ child."

"Not mine," she said brokenly.

Even though I knew it was wrong, stupid even, I let the words spill out. "I'll give you _something_."

Something could mean anything, and Rosalie knew it just as well as I did.

"_Please_."

"His family...I think they'd like to meet you." After a moment of her silence, I added, "And I think it might help you too."

...

"When are Carlisle and Esme coming?" Peter asked from beside me on the back lawn, his question bringing me out of thoughts that had been bombarding me since Rosalie's departure the day before. "Soon, you said?"

I shot a look at Ethan, whose teeth snapped dangerously close to my mate's knee, which was currently pinning the side of his head to the grass, before responding to Peter. "A few days."

"How do you think this is going to go?"

"We'll manage," I answered with a sigh.

"Yeah," Peter grumbled. "Hey! Hey!" Peter shouted at the two young vampires, who were hissing and spitting venom at one another fifty feet away. "Back it up, take a breath, and then try again!"

"But she–" Ethan began, only to be immediately shut up by my mate, who threw a rock at him, which he barely missed by ducking the flying object. "Bitch!"

"Ethan!" Char yelled from inside the house.

"Asshole!" Bella shouted back at him. "Who throws dirt as a defence?"

"Isabella, do as Peter asked," I demanded quietly, waving my hand at Ethan to do the same.

"But–"

"No buts; just _do_," I replied.

"I hate you," my mate hissed at Ethan, who growled in response.

"Oh, for Christ's sake," Peter said with a roll of his eyes. "I think the maturity just completely leaves the room where those two are concerned," he muttered, watching Bella huff as she glared at Ethan's retreating back.

"Well, at least Ethan's trying to make an effort with things. Bella, on the other hand...well, she's got a lot on her plate right now," I supplied as an explanation.

"You can't always excuse her behaviour, Jasper," Peter said, looking away from me.

"I don't excuse it." His scoff had me punching his shoulder hard. "I do _not_ excuse her behaviour."

"Fine," he replied. "It's the newborn fascination."

Bella stuck her tongue out at Ethan, who was still making his way around the side of the house to the front lawn. I clenched my teeth and matched Peter's statement with a growl.

"Fine, I excuse it."

"Thank you," he crowed, his hands tossed up into the air in victory.

"Don't act smart," I warned.

He shrugged. "Hey, it's not often you tell me I'm right. I tally that shit up on paper for future use, Jas. Currently, we're running on a total of seven times."

"Shut up, Peter."

"But–"

"Shut up or you'll take the next walk and a breather."

"Fine," he muttered, his face crestfallen.

"Be happy you were right."

The grin appeared on his face again and his eyes gleamed as mischief ploughed through his emotions. "That's all that matters."

Silently I watched as my mate huffed quietly in her anger across the grass. In a flash, her feet were swept up from the ground and she fell flat on her back with a huge rush of air escaping her lips. Another frustrated growl slipped through those same lips before Peter pushed himself up from the ground and pursed his lips.

"She should have some more formal fighting training, Jas. The structure would be good for her."

"It might," I agreed quietly. "Or it might be one more thing to add to her pile of many things that she has going on right now."

His red eyes rolled in frustration and I felt his annoyance running off him in waves. "That's bull and you know it. Let's say – hypothetically, of course – that it's not the structure but you laying down more rules."

My lip curled up in a grimace. "Hypothetically, you should mind your own business."

"You want Ethan trained to fight properly. You want Ethan's daily routine down to an inch without deviation. You want him–"

"Shut up!" I snapped at him bitterly. "Ethan is not the same as Isabella. Someday, and we know that could be any day, he might want to leave. And when and if that day comes, he should be able to take care of himself. Ethan will need to know that shit, Peter. Isabella isn't Ethan. She won't leave. None of the things that I want and expect him to learn so thoroughly, so quickly, are anything she needs to worry about right now. The goals for her are not the same as the goals him."

"She _could_ leave," Peter replied so suddenly but quietly that I strained to hear him over every other noise my ears were taking in. "She _could_, Jas, and where would that leave you? You don't think she would ever leave because she felt she needed to see something else for a day? For a week, a month, or a year, maybe? She could and she can and she _will_ someday, Jasper."

"She won't leave!" I spit back, anger covering my tone.

"For a hunt by herself? You think invisible lines and numbers mean anything to a vampire with no sense? For a walk through the woods? Scrapping with Ethan isn't anything like knowing how to _fight_."

Isabella, hearing our hushed voices laced with anger turned on her side and stared in our direction, confused. "Go find your mate," I growled under my breath, "and leave mine to me."

"Is it the fighting with her you don't want?" he asked.

"Fuck off."

"Let me fight with her," he continued. "Let me train her."

My patience was wearing thin. "No. Absolutely not. No one trains her but me. No one can. Got it?"

Peter's eyes lit with something I didn't understand, but triumphant emotions ran rampant through him. "Got it," he agreed softly.

Without another word, Peter ran off. Silently I stewed in my anger. The colors surrounding my vision blurred together as shades of greens and blues mixed rapidly when my eyes closed. It wasn't that Peter was unable to train my mate. He could, and no doubt well, but it wasn't his place. It was my decision to make, not his.

And I didn't like to be pushed into such a decision.

A quiet, unassuming voice broke me from my thoughts. "You seem tense."

"I am," I bit out sharply to my mate. "I'm pissed off. I'm extremely unsure of certain things. I'm unused to feeling out of control. So, yes, I am a bit _tense_."

I opened my eyes quickly and stared straight into the frustrated face of Isabella. The black circles under her eyes showed the fighting with Ethan had left her drained and in need of a hunt. I had different plans.

"Was it Peter?" she asked.

A scoff broke through my anger. "Not really."

"Oh." Her lips formed the word slowly and I continued staring at her, waiting for her to continue speaking. "Is it me?"

That shocked me for a moment. "I'm not sure," I answered, devoid of emotion. "Let me ask you a question. Do you want to leave?"

Anger bubbled against her surface emotions, mixing with pain and confusion. "Am I supposed to?"

"That's not what I asked."

"No."

"Do you want to be alone sometimes? Without me?" I questioned without missing a beat. "You must want to be _alone, _Isabella. Sometimes," I added in a softer tone.

"Do _you_?" she asked strongly.

"You can't fight worth shit," I stated honestly, ignoring her question completely. "You're too slow, your delivery is sloppy, and you leave yourself too open. It vaguely reminds me of watching a human fist fight. That doesn't fly in this world. Your strength and speed will go and then you'll be no better than anyone else. That won't keep you alive or safe... especially when I can't be there."

"Oh," she breathed out in a hard burst of air. "_Okay_."

"Okay," I repeated, completely unsure of what she meant, though her emotions were settling on an understanding that left me even more confused.

She stood straight up, brushed the grass off her shorts, and then smiled at me. I stared back, still confused. "So teach me, Jas."

"We don't have the time right now. You've got enough on your plate already."

Air hissed between her teeth. "My mind goes a million miles a minute. I'm thirsty, I'm angry, I'm enthralled, I'm in love, and I'm oh! so _violent _at the same time. I want to kill, run, dance, and rest, but nothing is _easy. _But then I focus, if I hunt, if we touch, when I fight. I want to focus and be fixed on just one thing at one time. Make me focus."

"Okay," I said, repeating my earlier word with more understanding and conviction than before. "Across the lawn," I ordered with a nod of my head.

"What?"

I felt my eyes darken a shade deeper. My voice deepened, too, when I spoke again. "Get across the lawn, now!" This wasn't meant to be fun for me or for her. I wouldn't be her lover, her friend, and I'd only partly be a mate when it was really needed. But it made sense to me. "Now!" I repeated.

Cockiness roared its ugly head when her smirk appeared, but she still didn't move. I really didn't want to play games. Without a word, I moved fast, striking like a flash of lightning and knocking her flat on her back before moving out of the direct path of her swinging legs. Anger beat through the shock of her emotions and she screamed out.

"Jasper!"

"Get up!" I snarled. "And next time, don't just take a hit, fight back!"

I watched her teeth clench, but she got up without question. Black eyes stared straight into mine, but I could see the focus. And, God damn, I could taste the anger, too. I motioned silently with two fingers toward my direction and she charged without hesitating. Again, I moved in a direction and at a speed I knew she wouldn't be expecting. Though she tried to follow my counterattack, her movements were too unsure of their own path to catch my hits to the back of her shoulder as I shoved her straight back down to the ground. Her knees hit the grass first before her fists followed, and she slammed them violently into the defenceless ground again and again in anger.

"God damn it!"

"Again," I said quietly.

One deep breath later and she was up on her feet once more. We continued without stopping for words again. My hands, balled into fists, connected with her chest, shoulders, cheeks and other parts of her body she didn't protect. Not once did the force of my blows shock her as I had thought they would. She lunged at me, and my arms ensnared around her neck and shoulders, squeezing tightly before I felt fear saturate her emotional atmosphere. Roughly, I released my hold, pushing her back away from my chest, and I watched her hit the ground once more. Defeat filled her and I stood above her frame as she kept her head down.

"Get up and try it again!" I ordered.

"That's enough," she whispered. "I don't want to anymore."

I shrugged when she finally looked up at me. "That's not your choice to make, Bella." She flinched at the name and I continued. "You want to learn how to fight, and that's fine, but you're going to learn how to do it _right _and _well_. Don't for one second think I'll raise your ego to satisfy you. If I hit you, expect it to hurt. If you don't want it to hurt, don't get hit. Fight back. Watch and learn. But you don't get to call the shots, and you certainly don't get to say when you're done."

A growl echoed around me; her warning at my words. "No more."

"Get up and try again," I repeated in an emotionless tone. "And do not make me say it again, or else this is the last time we train together."

"Jas-"

"Bella," I interrupted.

Her emotions fluctuated with her contemplation and anger. Externally, her struggle was barely seen, but inside she was fighting a war. Maybe I had pushed her too far. Maybe my extremes were only my own. But then again, maybe not. She needed to be _good, _if not _great_. There would be no such thing as good enough. She had the want and the drive, and I had the ability to fix her mistakes and obvious flaws.

I spoke with concern. If she wanted to see a part of her mate, then I could do that, if only for a second. "_I _need you to get up and fight, and _I _need you to be able to handle this." Without question, she stood once more. I nodded at her stance and clicked my tongue in disapproval. "Legs further apart. Keep your hands closer, and don't blindly swing wherever you think I'll go. Keep your eyes focused on your opponent, not the fuckin' sky and trees. Now try again."

Our bodies circled each other at a speed humans would never see with their vision. The closer we came to one another, the darker her eyes became. Anger and determination constantly fluctuated within her emotions. When her movements became more fluid, I felt proud. She was learning, even if it was from her own mistakes and the pain I inflicted. She was more than able. She struck out with her left fist, surprising me slightly, as she had only yet used her right to strike with first. It was one of the many flaws she held in her fighting. Still, the fist struck me sharply below my eye and I felt the skin crack as her body hit mine full force and we tumbled to the ground. A low whistle filled with approval sounded from somewhere near the house, and my mate's attention was suddenly focused on that sound.

Using that millisecond of an advantage to yet another one of her weaknesses, my opened palm slammed hard into her chin, sending her reeling back from her position on top of me and rolling across the ground. Shock and anger rolled off the vampires who had come to watch behind us. One hissed their disapproval; another growled. Their opinions didn't make a difference to me. I could see the pain coloring her face and her teeth clenching when she finally came to a complete stop. I stood, meeting her black eyes and letting her rage, disappointment, and hurt wash over me in waves.

"I refuse to raise you falsely to gratify a blind ego."

With one last frustrated try, she jumped blindly at me and my arms ensnared her waist before I tossed her into the tree line, the trees buckling and shattering beneath the force of her frame crashing into them. Wood splintered around her fallen frame as leaves rained down around her. I stared silently, watching and contemplating to myself as she breathed deeply and closed her eyes before defeat circled her emotions heavily.

"You did well," I praised my mate. "Tomorrow we'll try again."

A pale hand covered her forehead and eyes as embarrassment trickled through her. I wouldn't acknowledge that emotion aloud, not to her. "Okay," she responded distantly.

"How do you feel?" I questioned softly, moving toward her slowly as she lay still on the ground, surrounded by mud, broken trees, and leaves.

"Strangely exhausted," she breathed out.

I bent down and kissed the dirty pale hand that was covering her eyes. "But that's all," I mused out loud.

"That's all," she agreed.

**_Rosalie POV _**

I ran without stopping to think about the consequences of my actions. A few simple words had sent me on a tailspin of emotions, thoughts, and unsure wants. But how could I question it? _Why_ would I? Wasn't this exactly what I had wanted? What I had needed?

A familiar scent burned my nostrils as I ran, but knowing my adopted brother – or whatever he was to me now – he knew this vampire was here. He'd deal with it. I just didn't have the energy. I didn't have the fight left to do it.

Pain surrounded me when I finally came to a stop at the exact location Jasper had provided me with. I watched the human family move through their daily motions. It was heartbreaking to see their love, to hear a concerned but disciplining tone when the older boy walked too far from the house and came near the wooded area where I was only slightly hidden from view. They were so unassuming, innocent even. But _were_ they? If he had died – my _everything_ – then shouldn't they? Did the bloodline mean so much? How could love – such a lie – keep them safe?

It couldn't. It wouldn't. Not from me.

I wondered if calling out to the boy would bring him to me. Would just _one_ satisfy my rage? Would it calm the waves of betrayal? A memory of thickened blood coating my fingers, staining the beautiful white dress and pouring to the floor between Royce and me flooded my mind. How had Emmett been any different? He hadn't.

At the memory, I felt almost human again. I could feel the gravel piercing into my cheek as I was pushed into the ground again. The coppery taste of blood was filling my mouth. Teeth pierced my tongue.

_Don't cry out. Don't ever let them hear you cry. Rosalie Hale doesn't cry. Hales don't cry. _

His hands. Their hands. Strong hands. A weak hand.

Grief was such a constant. A heavy heart never meant as much as it did then. It would never mean more than it already had. I wasn't loved enough. I hadn't allowed myself to be. And now I'd have to deal with that blatant honest slap of reality I'd never wanted to face.

He didn't love me enough. But he had.

He'd hurt me so much. But he never could.

He kissed me so honestly. But the taste lingered with lies.

He left me alone. But he burned me knowing.

A baby cried. A soft song was sung. A man laughed. A bird's wings flapped. Wind blew. The sun set. I never moved from my spot. I never could. I knew I wouldn't. Familiar pain stung. It seemed all too familiar. It cut way too familiar.

I bled so thoroughly. I hated so openly.

_Rosalie Hale, you loved so silently._

And now I had nothing. But they had _everything_. He gave me nothing, nothing but everything and nothing but... _nobody. _

I knew I could kill them. And maybe it _would_ burn so sweet. Maybe the red rivers that would stain the precious walls and floors that kept them safe and warm would fill me with some kind of happiness. Maybe the screams of anguish and pain would fill my broken heart. Maybe the mother's begging would stop my sobs. And maybe I wouldn't regret it.

Maybe he'd forgive me.

Maybe.

Maybe.

_Maybe not. _

Innocence meant so little when mine had obviously meant nothing.

Violence was a sweet surrender of everything I needed to release.

But I hadn't given him anything or everything. He'd burned me so truthfully. I blamed him for holding me back, and so I ran. I ran from the baby's cry and the woman's song. I ran from the man's laugh and the bird's wings so free and strong.

Because I was _weak_. And I had never been, not until them, him, and _now_.

I wanted to go back, back to a time when loving him hadn't been wrong, when it hadn't hurt, and when the names entwined together looked like a beautiful forever instead of a trapped sentence waiting for its time.

But I _would_ choose the weak way out. I'd choose to go because it was the right thing to do. It was what _mates _did. And none of us could deny that.

Hell. Yeah, I'd even follow him there, too.


	32. Chapter 32

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 32: Chapter 32**

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**Beta'd by JaspersDestiny. Pre-read by TheLyricalCutie and Becky03.**

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**Bella POV**

My fingers skimmed lightly along the sharp edge of the baseball-sized rock, shaving off the rim and giving it a more rounded shape.

"Hurry up!" Ethan shouted unnecessarily from thirty feet away.

We had both managed to master the art of catching the rocks without crushing them to nothing but gravel and dust, but now our little game had become something of a therapy session for the both of us—mandated by Peter and Jasper, of course. Out in the open, with fresh air, a million sounds, and something to keep our hands busy, Ethan and I seemed somewhat content in each other's company.

Since the silly game was something we'd both found a quick accomplishment in, neither of us felt that the other was outshining the other's success. Jealousy was a difficult little monster to shake for a newborn, at least that's what I had realized over the last little while. It seemed petty, really, even I knew that, but it was bothersome to see someone else being praised for something you couldn't even manage to get halfway done, without some type of destruction anyway.

And apparently we couldn't be violent every second of the day. The defiant bitch in me wanted to deny that truth. Violence was a very satisfying end to events. But so was throwing a rock back and forth to someone I'd tried to cause some serious bodily harm to only hours earlier. Because Ethan's tone was softer when we played, our conversations flowed without force, and there was some type of _understanding _between us both when the grey piece of stone was flying through the air—a silent communication that said, "Hey, I get you right now, so in two minutes, when I'm holding you to the dirt by your throat, please remember this."

So, yes, this was _therapy_. Or some form of it.

It was either that, or my mate had some sick fucking sense of humour when it came to Ethan and me.

Another impatient sigh brought my attention back to Ethan. I'd shaved more off the rock than I'd meant to, and it probably wouldn't last more than a dozen throws between us, but Ethan could always find me another. That was his job: finding the correct size. Mine was making it the right shape. As silly and as stupid as it seemed, they had us working together as a team.

I took aim and threw the rounded rock in Ethan's direction. Even with his eyes diverted in the direction of the sounds coming from the far right of the forest, I knew he'd catch it without a second's thought. The rock made a distinct hissing sound as it cut through the air at breakneck. In a flash of movement, Ethan jumped to the left, stretching his arm high before grasping the rock in his hand and landing perfectly on his feet. Without a word, he tossed it back to me, making me run for it also, much farther than necessary. The game continued with the only communication between us being the hissing of the flying rock, until Ethan tossed it far too high, and as I ran for, it I realized right where it was heading.

"Don't jump!" he yelled from behind me, coming to the same understanding as me.

I forced myself to a skidding stop just as the rock skimmed the cabin's roof and cut through eight shingles. I cringed, Ethan apologized, and three different sounds of laughter boomed from within the confines of the cabin's walls. Shock and surprise filled me before my laughter joined theirs.

I turned to look at Ethan, mock glaring, as he tried to fake an innocent look. "What the hell was that?" I asked.

"I misjudged?"

My mind repeated the word over and over. "Liar, we can't _misjudge_."

"Fine," he huffed. "I wanted to see if you could jump over the roof."

My disbelief at his words must have shown on my face immediately because he started snickering. "That is the most—"

"Hilarious thing I've heard all day!" roared Peter from inside the cabin, interrupting my oncoming tirade about Ethan's level of ignorance.

Charlotte giggled from the living room area, Jasper chuckled from our bedroom, and Peter's laughter continued as he made his way to his mate. I rolled my eyes. It was great that they were all having a good laugh at my expense, but what surprised me the most was _me_. The most immediate thing I expected to feel at being the center of a joke was the usual newborn rage: red hot, filled with loathing, and the hunger to calm it with violence. But no, I felt none of that. Sure, aggravation had settled in the pit of my stomach, but above all, I realized the level of stupidity in the entire situation.

Dumbly, I patted my arms and chest with my hands, poking at my skin with the tips of my fingers, as Ethan watched me with a confused gaze.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked, whispering as if someone might overhear.

"I don't know," I replied. I continued the patting and poking, figuring if Jasper was seriously manipulating my emotions, I'd feel it. Hell, I _had _felt it every other time his fabricated emotions centered themselves within my own, calming the storm of rage when it overwhelmed me, but this time I couldn't feel it _at all_. I didn't like that. "What the hell?" I hissed. "Jasper, stop!" Panic suddenly overwhelmed my senses at the shock that I might be broken.

As if nothing were wrong, my mate slowly made his way outside the cabin, and he leaned against a pillar on the porch, where he eyed me with an amused smile. I glared at the very sight of him. He was making light of my sudden anxiety, as if nothing were amiss.

"One, I'm not doing anything. _Anything_," he repeated to get my attention. "Two, stop poking yourself like that. You look ridiculous, and you're making Ethan jittery. Three, it's called gaining some perception and control over your own emotions. Does that mean you won't be overly irrational every time something happens? No. So don't expect it. And, Sugar, if you can't _feel _me," Jasper said, his voice holding a teasing quality, "it's because I'm not there."

Still glaring and patting at my body, I let his words filter through my mind. Jasper stared back, his gaze intense, before my hands slowly stopped their movements. I _wanted _to believe him. Hell, the proof _was_ there—I couldn't feel any fabricated emotions holding my own hostage. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I should be angry.

"Are you not happy?" Jasper asked.

"Okay," I replied dumbly.

"Okay?" Even my mate thought I was going crazy. "Isabella..." Jasper sighed, his patience wearing thin.

I mulled over his words more before settling on believing what he was saying. There were no obvious reasons that I shouldn't believe him. Feeling my emotional decision, Jasper's grin appeared again.

"Yeah, okay," I repeated with finality.

Jasper's head tilted back slightly, directing his next words to the people within the cabin. "Did you say there were extra shingles in the basement?"

"That and more," replied Charlotte quietly.

"All right then," Jasper said with a shake of his head, "I guess I've got some repair work to do." He gave me one more look before disappearing back into the darkness of the open doorway.

"I'm confused," Ethan piped up from behind me.

"Shut up and find another rock, Ethan," I growled.

"But—"

"Find another rock."

...

Our game slowly morphed from the simple tossing back and forth to me throwing the rock high over the roof of the house for Ethan to catch on the other side. It was more challenging for us both. We had to rely on our sense of hearing until we could see from which direction the rock was flying when it came over the top of the roof. Jasper sat straddling the roof, humming to himself as he tossed the broken shingles to the ground below. I tossed the rock over the left side of the roof, two feet above Jasper's ducked head. He shot me a look but chuckled when Ethan cussed loudly as the sounds of the rock cutting through the forest filled the air. Of course, Ethan wouldn't expect me to throw the rock so close to Jasper.

"I win!" I shouted joyously.

"That's not nice, Isabella," Jasper said jokingly.

I shrugged and dropped to the ground, rolling onto my stomach and perching my head on my palms while I watched Jasper work on the roof.

"I am not finding that stupid rock," Ethan grumbled when he finally made his way back around to my side of the house. He dropped to the grass beside me, only he rolled onto his back and watched the clouds roll on by.

I snorted at him. "You mean you _can't_ find it."

"Whatever."

I turned my head to look at him. "Did you still want to play?"

"Nah," he answered but grinned at me conspiratorially. "But next time we should try throwing it over the trees." I nodded my agreement but couldn't help but find it funny how a simple game could occupy our attention for hours. Ethan's quiet voice brought me back to the present. "Are you scared?"

"Hmm... Of what?" I asked, confused.

His voice lowered even more. "The Volturi."

Immediately, my gaze snapped up to look at my mate on the roof. He wasn't looking at me, but I could see his muscles straining. A tense look crossed his features, and the grip he had on the hammer tightened just slightly. Obviously, he wanted to hear my answer as bad as Ethan did.

"I don't know," I said, looking back at Ethan. "I guess they have questions and I have answers."

"And from what I've gathered, some of us think it's better if they're kept far away from here," Ethan replied, finishing my thoughts almost to the letter. "You're kind of a pawn, though."

"What?"

"A pawn," he repeated. "In a way. Those other vampires—"

"The Cullens."

"Whatever. The Cullens have to answer for stuff, and it seems like you're being sent to be stuck in the middle, as a pawn."

"It's not like that," I said. "That would insinuate I'm at risk of something."

"Maybe you are," Ethan whispered.

I looked back up at Jasper, wanting to gauge his reaction to Ethan's statement, but I realized his attention was completely diverted. Standing tall on the roof, his back was to the both of us as he looked deep into the forest. Instantly I was on my feet, calling his name. Confusion and anxiety coursed through me when he didn't respond right away. Ethan watched me from the ground, but I paid him no mind as I went still as stone, listening for any incoming intruders from within the deep growth of the trees. I realized then that what I couldn't hear just yet, Jasper could feel.

"Jas!" I called again.

"Both of you in the house, now," he said, turning to look back at us finally. When neither of us made a move, except for Ethan rolling over onto his stomach, my mate growled angrily. "Now!"

"He's no fun," Ethan mumbled, getting to his feet but scanning the forest's edge as we walked to the cabin and through the front door, which was being held open by Peter.

Peter walked out onto the front steps before gazing around as Ethan had. "Everything all right, Jas?" Peter asked calmly, not wanting to send the newborns into a fit. That shit just agitated me further. "Jasper?"

Jasper took a breath, the air hissing out as he released it. "Just keep them in the cabin."

And suddenly, I wasn't so happy or calm anymore.

...

I paced back and forth inside the cabin step for step with the blonde vampire at the forest's edge. My gaze caught Jasper's form standing still and quiet, observing Rosalie–Rose–cautiously. Every word she screamed at him made me angrier, more anxious...more _everything_. And if she didn't stop soon, or if he didn't make her stop, I was going to rip her blonde hair out and shove it down her throat.

Peter was leaning against the wall, blocking the door yet still close enough to the window to stop me if I made a run for it, and he eyed me warily. "He's all right, you know." I ignored him completely.

"If you take the dirt away, and maybe get her to stop screaming, she's beautiful," murmured Ethan, taking another peek out the window.

"She's got a mate," I snapped hatefully.

"Had," Peter corrected softly, "not that it makes a difference. Dead or alive, we still feel the same way. But with death, well, we usually follow not too far behind."

"Shut up!"

Ethan was right, though. Even with tangled hair, dirty skin, and torn clothes, Rosalie was still a stunning figure. I watched her hands clench, her face contort in pain, and her shoulders shake as she sobbed something out to Jasper. His head shook in response, but other than that, he said nothing more. My pacing finally stopped when her words turned hateful. I watched in silence as she screamed about pain, family, and lies. She screamed about bloody walls, immeasurable rage, and wanting to cull it altogether. More sobs shook her body, and I wondered if it would help if she could physically cry. Perfectly manicured nails pointed at my mate in anger yet I couldn't hear his response. Rosalie's words quieted, too, and my pacing began again as their conversation–still angry and painful–lowered to a volume the rest of us couldn't hear.

Regardless of my anger, I stared at Peter and realized the full weight of his words. "There is no moving on from it," Peter explained, watching me as well. "A change as drastic as falling in love...for a vampire, that's not something we can take lightly. It changes everything, and like it or not, everything you are becomes completely dependent on who they are, and them being here."

"So what?" Ethan asked, his face betraying his indifference. "She's just going to _off _herself then?"

"We can't off ourselves, idiot," I hissed.

"Don't call me an idiot!"

"Then don't act like an idiot!" I screeched back.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," hissed Peter. "Both of you shut up!"

Surprised, I did a double take at Peter before a broken scream from outside had me running to the window once more. Rosalie had both hands pushed outward, palms facing my mate, as if to hold him back and not let him come any closer. Her eyes, black with rage and pain, scoured the ground surrounding them, looking for something the rest of us couldn't see.

"You're lying," Rosalie cried out in disbelief. "You couldn't. You _wouldn't_!"

And then I knew. Whether my mate had told her what he had done, or she figured it out on her own, Rosalie fully understood now, and I had the feeling it was making her dead heart sting just a little bit more. Whose wouldn't?

"Why?" The one word had me pressing harder against the wall beside the window, looking out again to watch his arms, crossed against his chest, fall to his sides. "_Why_?" she asked again.

The word held so much weight, much more so than anyone could really understand, but Jasper and I knew he had to be feeling _pain_. Pushing past Peter, who this time didn't bother to stop me, I opened the front door and stood on the porch, waiting for the answer my mate would give. Peter had followed me closely and stopped behind me. He said nothing to me, but he called quietly for Charlotte to join us on the porch. I ignored them both, watching the scene unfold before me. Somewhere inside me, I knew Jasper was hurting—whether he showed it or not was inconsequential. He never showed weakness, but he felt it.

My hands gripped the railing and I leaned closer, leaving permanent imprints of my fingers and palms in the wood. I _needed _to hear his answer as well.

"I won't justify _my _reasons to you," Jasper said. "But he asked me, Rose. He _asked me_. Emmett was well aware of what would happen, and he chose how he wanted to end it. That's all I'm willing to say."

With a broken scream, she pounced at my mate, knocking him to the ground. Her fingers, like talons, dug into the granite flesh of his neck. In a flash, my feet were leaving the porch and I was flying over the railing. I didn't make it halfway before Peter grabbed my waist and tossed me to the ground like a rag-doll, forcing me to stay within the confines of his iron grip. My left cheek scraped against the grass as Peter's arms tightened more around my waist and his stomach pressed me harder into the grass.

I screamed unintelligible words, cussing Peter's very existence, as I watched Rosalie bare her teeth and hiss at my mate, venom pooling around the nails that were breaking his skin.

"Do it!" she hissed at Jasper, her face inches from his. "You could do it without even trying, so just do it!"

I heard Peter whispering a stream of words into my ear, attempting to calm me down. "Look, Bella, she'd have been dead by now if he felt threatened. She fuckin' _wants _him to do it. She's practically _begging _for it. Just look."

So I did, though I still struggled to release my body from his hold. I could see it. In the shake of her arm holding his throat, in the grip her other hand had, bunching up the fabric of his shirt, in the tremors that rocked her shoulders and the venom that was shining in her blackened eyes. Behind the anger, I could see the fear and pain every time she whispered, "Do it!"

In a flash, Rosalie was knocked to the ground and Jasper was standing over her, his fists clenched as he practically spit out his words to her. "No, Rose. No. I won't, and you don't get to ask me that. He did that, and you don't get that right, too. I won't have two hangin' over my head for the rest of my life. I'm not going to do it again, ever."

"You fucking asshole!" she screamed in response. "Is this a fun game for you? Do you like to sit back and see how much pain you can cause before we break? Is that it?"

The resounding roar of rage and pain that rumbled from my mate shook the very ground I was lying on. Peter and I stilled. The weight from Peter's body left me, but I was motionless. All I could do was stare at the agony ripping across Jasper's face as he turned away from the blonde vampire and began walking back toward where I lay on the ground.

"Don't walk away from me!"

He turned, black eyes bearing down on the female figure behind him. "I get the choice, Rosalie. _Me_. I didn't get that with Emmett, and I won't give it up for _you_. You don't get to hurt me like that, too."

With those words, he turned back again, and Rosalie's head dropped down, her fists hitting the ground in anger and disbelief. I could see his pain; I didn't need to feel him project it to know. I forced myself to push up onto my knees just as he reached me. Rage filled me when I looked at Rosalie again. Before I could make the decision to move, Jasper was picking me up and resting me over his shoulder.

Hissing and coming back from the shock I'd previously felt, I roared at the female across the lawn. "I'll kill you myself!"

"No, you will not," Jasper muttered, opening the cabin door and slamming it shut, effectively blocking out the vampires outside from my view. Uselessly, I struggled against his arms, which were locked around my legs. Before I could blink, I was being tossed onto our bed. Immediately, I was back up and trying to force myself past my mate's form as he blocked the door. He picked me up and threw me back down on the bed. "Stop. You will _not_!" he repeated strongly, emotion breaking through his voice. "Do you understand?"

Black eyes stared into mine, and an understanding passed through me. I could feel his pain again, coursing through dried veins and pounding into a hollow chest. My hands reached out on their own accord and brushed against his face. He silently nodded that he was okay. Without a word, he turned away from me and moved toward the dresser. He opened up the top shelf and retrieved a cell phone. I watched him punch in some numbers and then hold the phone to his ear, his other hand rubbing against the wounds on his neck.

"Hello?" a male voice said from the other end of the phone after three rings.

"Carlisle," Jasper greeted, his tone flat but civil. "Listen, I've got an issue here. Nothing serious, but I need you to come now instead of in a couple of days."

"What has come up that's that serious?" Carlisle asked. "We're a good six hour run away."

"I'm not going to explain it over the phone, Carlisle," Jasper snapped, annoyance getting the best of him. "I've had a difficult fuckin' day, and I've been dealing with your mess that _never_ should have been created in the first place. So you need to come and clean it up. All right?"

"Jasper," Carlisle warned.

"Clean it up!"

Jasper slammed the phone shut and then tossed it to the corner of the room. Waiting for Jasper to make the first move, I tapped my fingers uselessly against my legs as he glared hatefully at the wall and hissed out a breath of air in obvious frustration.

"I'm not fuckin' doing it," he said more to himself than to me. "I can't. I just... God damn it, I can't."

"Okay," I whispered. "So don't."

His gaze fell back on me, and a sad, bitter smile crossed his lips. "You think Carlisle will, Sugar? All mighty, take no lives unless warranted Carlisle? Un-fuckin-likely. And who'll be left? Me. 'Cause Pete sure won't be stepping up to the plate. Char wouldn't want to, and Ethan is besotted with the very sight of her. And you?" A bitter laugh filled the room. "That won't be happening on my watch."

"Then why bother calling anyone?" I asked harshly.

He looked away before answering, but his voice broke over his words. "Because I have no reason to do it. Because ending her does absolutely nothing to benefit me or make us any safer. I can't kill her because _I_ _just can't do it_."

He repeated the words again and again, but unlike so many other things that had been said, these words didn't fall on deaf ears. And neither did the truth of them.

Outside the confines of the cabin, I could hear Rosalie's rising sobs and the rushing of wind that carried the sounds to a heart wrenching level. Peter had been right in what he'd said, and I had no doubt that my mate understood it more than me. I was still new, my mind was still fickle, and my emotions ran strong, but I _got it _too.

It was natural. What she asked for was accepted. What she wanted was expected.

Feeling my heavy emotional grasp on Rosalie, Jasper shook his head in my direction.

"I can't," he sobbed.


	33. Chapter 33

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all recognizable characters and settings are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 33: Chapter 33**

* * *

**A/N: Beta'd by JaspersDestiny. Pre-read by TheLyricalCutie and Becky03.**

* * *

**Bella POV**

"This feels..._wrong_," Ethan said softly to Charlotte inside the cabin. I had perched myself up on the bench on the porch, with my knees drawn up to my chest. I refused to move. Thirty feet in front of me, sitting back to back on the grass, were my mate and Peter. A little farther back from them, in the same spot where she'd fallen, sat Rosalie, silent and still, staring blankly into the darkened forest. "I mean, they aren't even speaking to her," he observed again.

"It wouldn't make a difference," Charlotte replied, dismissing the actions of the men outside the cabin easily. "What she wants, they refuse to give. Talking is nothing more than a formality at this point."

Peter and Jasper _were _talking, though. From my vantage point, I could see that much, but what they were saying I couldn't tell. Regardless, Ethan was right in the fact that neither of the two men were speaking directly to Rosalie. Occasionally, Jas' head would turn slightly in her direction before his shoulders would tense and shudder, his teeth clenching, and then seconds later his face would once again turn passive, as if whatever emotions had ripped through him hadn't been there at all.

"Well, what _are _they doing then?"

Charlotte's soft sigh echoed through the quiet cabin. "Even if Jasper won't end her, he still feels like he owes her—in a way, I guess. As far as _I _know, Rosalie had enough issues that she and her mate were dealing with before what happened with Emmett came to be. I think—no, I_ know_," she corrected herself quickly, "that he feels like everything that happened is his fault. So he owes her, and he shares her pain. Maybe what he's doing is his way of letting her know that he's there, that he understands, without really giving her what she wants."

Ethan hummed under his breath and moved to the front window. I cocked my head, catching his gaze for a second before he disappeared from my view.

"What does Peter feel like he owes then?"

So many questions, I thought. But at least Ethan had the balls to ask them. I was content in my darkness of confusion. Trusting that what I was given was the truth, or at the very least, the most I needed to know to keep myself sane, was good enough. Not Ethan, though. I had a feeling that unless he got every drop of truth there was to swallow, no matter how much it hurt to take in, he would never be satisfied.

"Peter owes nothing." Her reply was quick and swift, as if wanting to end that line of thought from Ethan's mind immediately. "He never will, not anymore."

I knew the next question before Ethan even asked it. "_Not anymore_? What does that even _mean_?"

"You're asking too many questions, Ethan. These are things that don't even concern you, and they sure don't have anything to do with why you are here." Her tone had turned hard, but one thing Charlotte couldn't do was hide the emotion in her voice when it was strong. "It's just not important," she said in a softer voice after a few seconds of silence.

"It is to me," Ethan muttered back. "Despite what you all think, it matters _to me_."

The sound of teeth snapping shut in frustration had me flinching.

"Fine," Charlotte snapped harshly, something she didn't do often with him. Her patience for us was made of steel, and it very rarely wore thin. Despite the uneasiness I felt around her because of her gender, I couldn't help but admire her ability to really _care_, even when she shouldn't have to. "A mate for a mate, Ethan. It doesn't just apply to death for vampires; it applies to life, too. Everything in this life is debt, and all that matters is if it's owed or paid. It's why so many of us live alone, because the more you depend on others, the more you owe. Or sometimes it just feels that way. I don't know how much you know of _our _history," Charlotte said, making it more of a statement than a question.

"Some," Ethan replied, sounding quieter by the second.

"Jasper let me live. He didn't need to, I'm sure he took hell for it, but he still did it." I swore I could feel her eyes burning a hole through the wall and staring right where I was sitting on the bench. "I'm very _pleased _he has found his mate and that she was helped to be brought here safely by mine, Ethan. The only debt we've ever owed has been paid."

"Oh," he mumbled, his voice softer still, as if fifteen other questions he'd been prepared to ask were suddenly answered. "So, why _is _Peter out there?"

"I guess to understand that, you'd have to have a better understanding of Jasper," Charlotte said vaguely. Ethan snorted in response, and Charlotte sighed once more. "You don't understand Jasper as well as you think you do, Ethan. You have an idea of him because of the very few experiences you've had with him." She stopped for a moment, her fingers rapping a quick beat against what sounded to me to be wood. "Not that I blame your..." she searched for an appropriate word "..._views _entirely on you. Poor child, you haven't even been given much of a chance yet, not really."

"He killed my family," he hissed. "I _know _he did."

The slam of Charlotte's palm onto whatever piece of wood she was closest to and her low snarl had Peter's attention immediately. Obviously, not having heard the conversation inside the house, he looked to me, seemingly for an answer. I didn't have one. I wasn't about to stop the conversation from flowing behind me. Why would I? Ethan was gaining answers even I hadn't thought to ever ask about.

And maybe Charlotte wasn't _really _so bad after all.

An almost imperceptible shake of Jasper's head had Peter asking, "You sure?" I could only see the words forming on his lips, and once his head was turned again, any piece of their conversation was once again lost to me.

Charlotte didn't skip a beat. "He absolutely _did not_, Ethan!" she hissed angrily. "You may not have every answer you are looking for, but I am telling you right now that he did not kill your family. I know you're confused, and your memories are hazy, but you are so, so very wrong."

The wind picked up outside, just slightly, but no one bothered to notice but me.

Charlotte continued her explanation of Peter without entertaining any more on the subject of Ethan's family. "Peter is out there because Jasper means something to him, just like Peter is important to Jasper. They're friends, _brothers _even, and that woman out there, half dead on the ground...well, whether Jasper wants to admit it or not, she means something to him too. So did her mate. If they didn't, it wouldn't affect him so badly. You cannot spend _decades _with people—vampires—and not manage some iota of care for them. It doesn't matter how much of a hard-ass you are. We might not be human, but we still _feel_."

"I don't see how that out there translates to care," mused Ethan.

"Formalities, Ethan," Charlotte said dismissively. "And as far as Peter goes...well, he cares for Jasper, so when no one else can understand or make sense of his behaviour, my Peter surely can. You, Bella, and I may have many years to develop a true kinship between us because we live in a much different situation, but Peter only had one with Jasper. Just _one_. He had a single year to make Jasper _feel _something toward someone when he hadn't felt anything remotely _good_ for anyone in _decades_. His life depended on it. And when the yearlings' names were being drawn up for the yearly purge, Jasper asked for one to be spared: a single, ungifted, average fighter. They were a dime a dozen. Peter made him feel something, and God thank him, Jasper didn't want to let that go."

Ethan chuckled, surprising me. "We are selfish creatures, after all," he bit out sarcastically.

"Don't be hateful, Ethan. You only see the harsh, demanding, and crass side of Jasper." She hummed for a moment. "And you even see it from Peter. But I'm sure if you were to ask Bella out there on the porch what she sees from either of them, she'll give you those answers and many more. So you see, Ethan, we don't make friends easily. There is only really _one _that we love, and very few we truly care deeply for, so I think it speaks for itself why Jasper and Peter are out there together, not to mention why neither have put an end to that woman's suffering."

"How long do you think it'll take, Char?" Ethan asked, sounding almost hopeless.

"I'm not sure I understand your meaning," she replied.

"For me," he answered. "How long until they give a shit about me?"

"Oh, child," Charlotte half scolded him, but she considered her words before answering again. "I think you would be very surprised to know how much you already _are _cared for. You weren't brought here just for the battle of it, Ethan. He could have let you die. He could have walked away. He made a choice, Ethan, just like he did with Peter. Try not to focus on the things that surround it and just be happy that you were _it_."

"There are too many grey areas."

Her hand patted against his clothing lightly. "No," she replied, her voice light. "It's really just black and white."

"Sure," Ethan said through a tight laugh. He didn't sound very convinced.

Before long, Ethan made his way out to the porch and sat down beside me on the bench. He was quiet, almost silent minus his rhythmic breathing. My chin was perched on my knees, which were still drawn up to my chest. I turned my head just enough to look at the boy, who was younger than me, and I wondered for a moment what he must go through daily too.

"I think," I mumbled against my skin, "that for us, the black and white becomes blurry in our eyes. We make it grey."

His face was tight, and he didn't respond right away. I noticed his hands clenched together, resting on his lap. Before I could help myself, I reached to the boy beside me and clasped my fingers tightly around his one wrist. I squeezed, and his tightened fists released from their tension. So did his body. He sank against the bench and finally looked at me, shooting me a tentative smile.

Suddenly I couldn't see the newborn that was just like me. No, I could see the human family again and the boy who'd lost his brother. I could hear the laughter of two tiny girls, and I could only wonder what the boy beside me must have seen.

My hand tightened against his wrist. He didn't flinch, but I needed him to know. "I do," I whispered. "_I care_."

He shrugged but didn't move away. "I guess even unchanging things learn something new every day," he said softly before once again looking away.

I left it alone, but I didn't let him go.

And quite abruptly, even if I thought I had understood Peter's and my mate's actions before, I realized I really didn't until then. They were still sitting back to back on the grass, silent together. I realized how important their friendship really was and why each of them needed it, even if over the years they had no real reason to continue it.

We _could _live alone, nomadic forever, like many others chose to be. We _could _find a mate and attach forever, much like Rosalie. And even through the pain and lies Emmett had created, she would always be bonded to him. But very rarely could we have _friends_. Covens weren't created for the purposes of comradeship and companionship. They were created for power, protection, or simply out of _need _for whatever reason.

That was what made us stronger. We had what others did not. Regardless of the different levels of affection or the reasons behind it, we still had it.

Oddly, it surprised me I hadn't realized it sooner.

...

When they came, they came swiftly and without hesitation. There was no slowing in either of their footsteps until they both broke through the wall of trees. They were holding hands and speaking softly. I studied their faces; one was filled with pain as he finally understood why he'd been called and the other was almost indifferent. I fought through the haze of confusion in my memories, fighting the dirty clouds to drudge up whatever memories I could.

I _needed _to know them.

Jasper and Peter stood the moment they heard them coming, and they made their way over. Their voices were hushed as they spoke, but the argument between the four was obvious. Anger flared when Carlisle almost immediately refused. I stood up from the bench when Charlotte made her way outside.

I felt her hand touch my shoulder. "Stay here for now, okay?" I only nodded in response.

In a flash, she was beside her mate, her tiny hand touching his arm in an attempt to calm his anger. The voices raised to yet another level, and their stance was clear, but Rosalie hadn't moved an inch. She sat still as stone, still staring off into the forest as if oblivious to everything that was happening around her.

"This isn't my mess," Jasper shouted, "and it is time for you to once again take responsibility, Carlisle!"

"Jas," Peter growled, his eyes flicking in our direction.

The women argued in low tones, harsh words passing between them, and it was obvious there wasn't much camaraderie between them. Peter's head shook in disbelief and aggravation. Jasper hissed, and his fists clenched. It continued this way until the point was finally driven home.

"No, he's right." Carlisle's statement silenced everyone.

"What?" Jasper said, shocked.

"Carlisle?" Esme questioned.

"It doesn't matter how I feel about doing it. The fact of the whole thing is that he's _right_. She's my responsibility, and for God's sake, Esme, look at her! Can _you_ leave her like this?"

For the first time since their arrival, Esme glanced at Rosalie, her eyes lingering longer than she obviously liked. Still, an impassive look crossed her face before she said, "Their bed was made, but if you feel it's right for you to do it, that is your choice, Carlisle."

Carlisle nodded at Jasper. "All right," he murmured. "My terms, though."

"Of course," Jasper agreed. "I don't know exactly what you'd expect from me, but I haven't any desire to let her suffer."

Silence surrounded them, and the emotion hanging in the air was thick. Ethan hummed a low note of approval beside me. With a wave of Jasper's hand, Ethan and I jumped off the porch for whatever introductions they had planned.

"Do you remember them?" Ethan asked as we walked, remembering to attempt a slow pace for practice.

"Some things," I answered vaguely. "Not nearly enough."

"Are they okay?"

Obviously, he was fighting the newborn urges again. I was just fighting to gain back memories. "They're the better of the bunch...I _think_." I said, though I was unsure of my own words.

"Well, that's just great," he growled. "_Very_ reassuring."

Ethan's bitter sarcasm was making another appearance, apparently.

Two pairs of eyes flicked in our direction, and I felt the breath catch in my chest. One pair was still a stunning gold, but the other was very much _not_. My memories brought only the still-photo-like shots: golden eyes, motherly touches, and a sense of heartening comfort. But then that faded. The woman who was looking at me with a wondering gaze, almost evaluating me, had bright and freshly fed red eyes. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and the clothes she wore were nothing like I could pull from the memories. In my mind, all I could conjure was perfectly done hair and designer clothes, not a stitch out of place. The woman before me now looked..._normal_.

"Bella," Esme said, smiling.

I swallowed back venom and looked over to Jasper, who was quietly assessing me as well. "I think she's feeling confused over the recent changes," he supplied with a grin.

"Ah," Carlisle murmured with a chuckle. His gaze travelled over my face before moving on to Ethan, who fidgeted under the inspection. "And you are?"

"This is Ethan," Jasper answered before Ethan could. "He was changed the same time as Isabella."

"Jasper!" Carlisle admonished. Esme stood silent, staring at the boy beside me. Ethan looked to Peter for some bearing on what he should do. Peter said nothing, he only shook his head in response. "You were given direction..." He stumbled over his words. "How am I to explain this?"

"Direction?" I asked, looking at my mate again.

Jasper ignored me and stared at Carlisle with an eyebrow raised. "I absolutely did not. I can't, I know that. It's the agreement that was made, and I have followed that. Smell the difference if you don't believe me. It's obvious enough."

"He's telling the truth," Peter said quietly.

I was agitated at being completely left out of what everyone else—except maybe Ethan—was already aware of. "Hello!" I shouted.

Jasper's eyes cut to me quickly, silencing me immediately. "It's not important," he stated without further explanation.

I huffed, glaring as rage pooled in my gut. My lip curled into a snarl, but before the sound came, Ethan was tugging on my wrist and we were suddenly moving away from the group. I couldn't understand it. Ethan was the one who always wanted to know _everything, _and yet when it was me who had something important that was being hidden from me, he didn't bother to fight it. Ethan said nothing as I stewed in my anger. We were watched carefully as we made our way back to the cabin, Charlotte and Esme following silently behind.

"He's becoming good for her," I heard Peter observe.

Carlisle chuckled. "It seems mutual. What do you think, Jasper?"

"I think lines have been drawn, and once this is all over, we might finally have some peace."

There was a smile in his voice, and it only pissed me off more.

...

I sat with my knees drawn up to my chest on the couch while I watched Ethan sit on the other end quietly. His hands shuffled a deck of cards skillfully. It was something he was proud of, as it had taken him much longer to get the hang of handling the paper without destroying it than it had me. He handed me half a deck, seeing my frustration and knowing that when my hands were busy I was less likely to give in to it.

"They're learning fast," Esme mused from the open doorway to the small kitchen.

"They work hard, and they're pushed especially harder to work through their faults and come out better for it. Peter and Jasper almost...well, they demand it, really," Charlotte replied with what sounded like pride.

"_They_ are right here," Ethan snapped in spite. Charlotte sighed deeply but said nothing. "Well?"

Esme stepped into the room, and I turned just enough to watch her make her way to the front window. "If he's going to do it, he should just do it and get it over with," she muttered to herself.

I blurted the words out without thinking. "Why do you not care?"

Slowly, she turned to look at me, her red eyes sweeping over my face before her perfectly manicured brow rose in question. "Pardon?"

"I...well, I _think _I remember you and her. Maybe I..." I struggled for words and memories, but nothing came. "Don't you care at all?"

Esme's fingers fluttered against one another in contemplation. Charlotte stood on the other side of the room, staying out of the conversation completely and discussing the possibility of teaching Ethan a card game we could all play. Despite the aura of privacy we were given, we all knew nothing really was _private_. Everyone was listening; our conversation surely wasn't quiet enough for the vampires outside the front door not to hear us.

"You mistake my lack of visible emotion for the situation for a lack of compassion, Bella. I think after years of acting so _appropriately _in every situation I should be granted the chance to act however it pleases me, even for just this one time. My coldness is not directed at Rosalie, just the current circumstances. My sympathy for her runs far deeper than many can understand, but I'm not going to run out there and hold her until she's put out of her misery. It most certainly wouldn't make her feelings change for the better, and it will not change my guilt or unhappiness over it all. So, when I am able to have privacy, I will grieve for a companion I cared about, but not before then."

My head tilted, and I narrowed my eyes at her. "Why would you have guilt?"

She shrugged and turned back to the window. "I let him change her. It wasn't like we needed to add another. And I, like Carlisle, thought maybe Edward would find a companion in her. It was selfish, really, and her newborn year was hell. Too many vicious memories locked in a very broken mind, I think. We never gave her the chance to heal. It's hard not to blame yourself for not ending the suffering of someone who looks in the mirror every day only to see the very devil staring right back at them. She could never run from it."

"Just give me a moment alone with her," I heard Carlisle say outside.

"It seems like such a waste to me," muttered Ethan to Charlotte when she motioned for us to join the others outside.

Esme smiled sadly at him. "I think you'll find that Rosalie will find the greatest relief in her death."

Silently, Jasper motioned for me to join him once we were all standing outside on the grass. The sky had darkened completely, and bright stars were shining through the dark veil of the night. I tucked myself under Jasper's arm, finding comfort against his side. My anger at him had dissipated rather quickly in light of my confusion at the situation. Charlotte stood directly behind Peter with her focus on Ethan, who was standing beside her. She was murmuring something I couldn't hear to him as he looked at Carlisle and Esme in confusion.

"Why are we all out here?" I whispered to my mate.

His grip around my waist tightened. "There is no easy way to...finish it, Sugar. She isn't being murdered in the direct sense but instead being given a gift of sorts." He grimaced over his choice of words. "There will be no fight, nothing to cheer on or step in for, and this is our way of giving her a sense of respect, especially since none of us but Carlisle will give her the final release of ending it all."

Jasper's eyes went dark, and I felt his lips press against the top of my head. "This is dignified. Much more than many deserve. And if..." He choked on his words. I tensed at the sound. "If it were me...if it ever _needed _to be me, I would hope to be given the same."

I noticed both Charlotte and Ethan were now staring at the ground while Peter stared on as Carlisle bent down before Rosalie, turning her head to look at him. Esme said nothing, but her eyes closed and she breathed deeply. I stared at the damaged vampire that was the focus of everyone's attention. Hadn't that been what she'd always strived for? Or so I thought. The absolute lack of depth in her eyes shot through my chest. I breathed in the feeling of sorrow and clenched Jasper's shirt in my hand.

Still, the empty look in her eyes unnerved me. It seemed like death had literally rolled through her, and on its way, took her soul along with it. All that was left was the shell.

"Rosalie," Carlisle said softly, heavy emotion saturating his voice. He cleared his throat unnecessarily as her eyes flicked up to him with what little life was left. Her lips moved but no sound came. "I know," he murmured, tucking her hair behind her ear.

I was shocked at the level of compassion he had for her. It wasn't like he needed to be. From my understanding, it wasn't like she'd given him a dozen reasons to show her so much care.

"You don't have to watch," Jasper told me.

I just shook my head. I wanted to. In a very sad and heartbreaking way, their consideration and sympathy for someone they could just as easily have walked away from was fascinating.

Carlisle spoke again, removing his shaking hand from Rosalie and placing it on his bent knee. "I don't want to say you were a fault in my judgement when I made the choice to bring you into this life because, to me, you were not. I should have tried to save you first, and maybe then we might have known if you'd have had a chance in getting that human fairytale you truly wanted. But I won't apologize for my rash decision. If at least for one day with us—with Emmett," he corrected quickly, "if you felt any ounce of true happiness, then I have to believe I gave you _something _good. I know I had good intentions, if maybe misplaced at first, and for my own sanity I'll forgive _myself _for not thinking of what you may have wanted."

He sighed deeply, and his hands rubbed together as a sign of his nervousness.

"You are not a mess to be cleaned, Rosalie. I will never consider you a mistake to be fixed. I hope you find your peace, and I truly wish you learn in your next life how to accept that the pieces of yourself you consider to be the most broken are the most beautiful."

I sucked in a hard breath when Carlisle's hands clasped her face. Jasper's teeth clenched together, and his lips stayed tightly pressed against my hair. Ethan and Charlotte kept their heads turned to the ground while Peter looked on. And despite her calm, almost passive demeanour before, Esme was now looking up at the black sky, and her face was a mask of pain.

"Goodbye, little rose," Carlisle murmured.

I turned my head at the last second, clenching my eyes shut and pressing hard into Jasper's side. The sound of ripping metal and a hard sob and two soft thuds filled the air. Jasper shook under my grasp. Flames bursting into ignition had me flinching. She hadn't even screamed. As we had been told, she welcomed it. For one moment, I felt my mate shudder, his breathing hard and quick.

The harsh, sickly sweet scent of burning vampire flesh surrounded me. I held my breath.

"Where is he going?" I heard Peter ask softly.

I peeked out from under Jasper's arms and looked over at Esme, who was now staring at the flames that were licking a pile I refused to look at. Carlisle was nowhere to be seen.

"If I know my mate," she answered slowly, "and I believe I do, he's left to find a church to pray and to grieve." With those words, she was running, following what I assumed to be Carlisle's trail.

Another shudder passed through my mate, and I buried my face back into his side.

His arms wrapped tighter around me, and I let his emotions swallow me whole.


	34. Chapter 34

_**Someday**_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those I've created for my plot, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

**Chapter 34 **

**Beta'd by JaspersDestiny. Pre-read by Becky03 and TheLyricalCutie. **

**Jasper POV**

The days moved forward. In one way, it was hard to grieve for someone who had so desperately wanted death; on the other hand, it was easy to get lost in the torrent of emotions, the inherent sorrow.

Esme and Carlisle returned three days later and didn't speak a single word about the event. Not that I wanted to either.

Peter wanted both newborns to focus more on their emotions. In reality, they both needed to spend some serious time on controlling their outbursts and then separately deal with their issues. We didn't have time for that, though, not really. In a week, I'd be standing on the tarmac of a private airport, watching Carlisle, Esme, and Peter load my newborn mate onto a fucking flying piece of metal to cart her off to the assholes in Italy. All the while, I would know that she was still too young and far too volatile to handle it all.

There just wasn't enough time. But I still didn't have a fucking choice, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

Desperation wasn't beyond me. I felt like things were slowly unravelling out of my control again.

Then there was the issue of Alice. It wasn't like Isabella had forgotten that I'd let the bitch go and had yet to hunt her down. It wasn't like I didn't know where she was, but my mate still didn't, and there was no way in hell I was going to bring it up. Carlisle mentioned the close proximity of Alice's _new _territorial markings, but I quickly shut him down about it. I had it handled. At least, that's all they needed to know about it.

Yet my mate was slowly becoming more and more agitated about wanting to go off to search for a tiny sprite of a vampire that she had absolutely no understanding of. She certainly didn't know that said vampire was less than an hour's run away. In truth, if I knew Alice like I was sure I did, Isabella wouldn't find her. It was obvious that Alice believed she had a job to do regarding the little boy. Surely she wouldn't allow something small, like my mate, to stop her from doing it.

Still, Alice had proven herself to be incapable of killing Isabella, so it wasn't like that was something I had to worry about.

More problems, concerns, wishes, and things that needed to be done swam in my thoughts almost constantly. It was never ending, but my mind was far away from those thoughts for the moment.

Indeed, I was far, far away from those thoughts, and I couldn't have been more grateful for the little minx below me, who was making me forget my worries, if only for a few precious minutes of bliss. Her fingers pressed into the muscles of my stomach as her tongue swept across the tip of my dick—once, twice, and then again—before I was lost in the sensation of her lips wrapping tightly around me.

I looked down, my hands bracing against the tiles of the shower's walls, and watched my mate. Her hair, wet from the spray of water, tumbled down her back in soaked ringlets. Her lips tightened around my shaft, and I groaned at the pressure. That talented little tongue of hers followed suit, teasing me from the bottom of my shaft to the top and back down again, swirling against my skin.

"Jesus," I grunted out when she looked up at me through thick, damp lashes. A dozen more cusses fell from my lips, and I pressed my hands harder against the tiles. When her lips loosened, I hissed in frustration. "Isabella..."

I saw her grin in satisfaction. She liked to tease me, far more than she should. Before I could comprehend it, her tight mouth sucked harder again, and a deep purr rumbled from her chest and out her mouth. The sound vibrated against my cock, reverberating through my lower body, and a shudder racked my shoulders.

Another groan echoed, and my fingers clenched into fists. My head fell back, and my eyes squeezed shut, as my teeth grit tightly together.

The coil in my stomach tightened and pulsed, and every muscle in my body clenched in preparation for my climax.

Once. Twice. Again.

I could almost count every pulse of the pressure building in my body.

When her teeth dragged across my sensitive flesh, I was gone. Colors burst behind my closed eyelids, my muscles released, and the sound of water rushing filled my ears. Her tongue pressed against my shaft again, and she swallowed every drop that came as I vibrated and growled her name again and again.

Seconds passed. Her lips released my still pulsing cock, and her tiny hands danced across my skin, leaving searing sensations in their wake. A soft cloth was pressed against my skin, and I finally forced myself to open my eyes. A tiny smile played on her face as she moved the cloth against my chest, up across my neck, and then over my shoulder to press it down my back. Her chest pressed against mine, and she stood up on her toes as she swept the soapy cloth across my shoulders.

I shuddered as an aftershock coursed through my system. My outstretched hands released the tiles, and I quickly gripped her waist to stop her from moving, if only for a second. Scarlet eyes stared at me while satisfaction, pride, and love coursed through her system.

"I'm sorry for this morning," I said softly, referring to our earlier argument and me snapping at her out of frustration. "There's too much going on all at once."

Her shoulders shrugged. "It's okay."

"It's not."

"You put too much effort in dealing with everyone else. I think you forget about your own issues." Her voice was so calm. Her emotions were settling down as well.

I laughed despite myself, but it sounded bitter—even to me—and a frown crossed her features. She said nothing, though. I didn't want to discuss the issues surrounding me. Instead, I pressed my lips to hers and let our lust rage around us.

She wasn't the only one who could divert attention when needed, and I was far too selfish a creature anyway.

...

"A week?" Peter grumbled beside me. "That is—"

"Unbelievable," I replied.

"Ridiculous?" Esme added.

"Mandatory," Carlisle finished, with a deep sigh.

Charlotte stood beside Peter and didn't say a word. She didn't need to. I could feel the absolute rage and concern swirling within her to know enough without asking for her input.

"At least it's only one," Esme said, trying to lighten the mood. "Think about what it would mean if both of them had to be transported to Italy." I cringed at the thought. Esme's eyes cut to me. "But I guess, for now, you can consider yourself lucky that they don't know about the young boy."

"Lucky!" I scoffed. "Yeah, because two newborns are what I had planned instead. I don't pile it into the lucky section of my life, Esme."

"Ethan is not so bad," Charlotte muttered, rising to defend the boy. "He isn't."

I sighed and nodded. "No, she's right. At times, he has better control than Isabella." Gratitude flowed from Charlotte, and I shot her a small smile. "And you know, Isabella enjoys him being around," I finished dismissively.

"What's the plan?" Peter asked Carlisle. "You seem to have more contact with the creepy trio than the rest of us. Jasper avoids them like the plague, so it isn't like he's about to have them on speed dial." My sharp growl didn't affect him at all. Instead, he rolled his eyes. "Are you going to tell Bella about them and your agreement, Jas?" When I didn't respond, he snorted in disbelief. "You idiot! I hope they aren't the ones to tell her. She should know, even if it's not important."

"Shut up!" I snapped.

"Speaking of the agreement," Carlisle interjected quickly, "you might have skipped around the perimeter of the basics, but that doesn't mean Aro will be pleased, Jasper."

"He'll get over it."

"For your sake, I hope so," Carlisle replied.

"The plan?" Peter asked again after a few seconds of silence.

"Ah, yes." Carlisle nodded. "We weren't gifted with much information, just the location and the assurance that it will be early morning, with very little human activity on the tarmac."

"The pilot?" I asked.

"Vampire, of course," Esme responded before Carlisle could.

"Well, old Aro is definitely making an effort to get us there easily enough," Peter muttered through clenched teeth. "What about getting us back?"

Carlisle and Esme both shifted on their feet, and I felt the trepidation spring forth in their emotions. "What?" I demanded.

The older vampire's shoulders squared, and he looked me square in the face. "He told me that he would deal with that situation _if _he needed to."

"If?" Charlotte shrieked hysterically. "If?" The two young vampires outside the cabin stopped their movements completely. Peter's hands found his mate's arms, and he began rubbing circles on her skin and whispering things far too low for us to hear. "Peter isn't going. It's not happening."

There were more whispered words and glares shot in my direction before Charlotte was hissing and flying out the front door of the cabin. "I'm sorry," I told Peter after she was gone. He shrugged and moved over to his chair, where he fell like dead weight and rubbed his hands across his face.

"Aro is also unaware of our current situation regarding the disbandment of my coven," Carlisle added with a distant tone to his voice. "Edward's sins are paid for. Emmett and Rosalie are both gone. Esme and I are not in a position for anything concerning punishment, unless he considers ignorance grounds for it. Jasper, you're off on your own, and there isn't anything you have to be concerned about, really. Think about it. Bella is completely innocent, and Peter is merely her guardian."

"Peter has memories..." I cut in quietly "...memories of many things. Every conversation I've ever had with him will be available for Aro to pick apart and assess however way he pleases."

"I don't want him fucking around in my mind," Peter said from behind me. Agitation flowed from him in waves at the mere thought. "What's that any of his business, anyway? My mind is _my_ space. He's even worse than Edward! At least with that one, you could deflect him with whatever you were thinking about at the moment. Aro gets every last bit." Peter groaned and rubbed his face again.

"It's his way of checking up on me, probably," I said. "He gets information from Carlisle's mind and Esme's. You, Peter, are nothing but an added bonus of things he's never been privy to before."

"And Bella," Carlisle added softly, shooting me a frown when I didn't mention her name as well.

I grinned despite myself. "Oh, I doubt he'll get a thing from my mate."

"I'm sorry?"

"Sugar's shield will keep him out, nice and strong," Peter said with a light laugh. "Explains why Eddie never got a word from her. 'Course, it isn't physical, and she can't keep it up for very long unless she's under some serious distress."

I cleared my throat and turned to shoot Peter a scathing look. "Shut up, Peter."

"What!"

He was really starting to grate on my frayed nerves. "Anyway..." I muttered.

"She'll learn," Esme stated with assurance. "How long did it take you to learn to control your gift, Jasper?"

"Long enough," I answered vaguely.

"She can't drop it either. So that option will be out of the question for Aro," Peter added, for whatever reason.

"Peter!"

Carlisle's brow furrowed. "Jasper, what if he tries to force her into dropping it?"

"Excuse me?" That thought hadn't even crossed my mind. "He wouldn't!" I growled. "That would be pure, unnecessary torture for her. It's a part of her, not something that magically appears because she calls upon it."

Carlisle raised his hands in surrender and nodded his agreement. "It wouldn't be like Aro," he quickly added, "but Caius, on the other hand...well, that is a different story all together."

"In and out," I stated, turning to look at Peter. "If shit like that drops, in and out, got it?" Even I could hear the strain in my voice. The emotions were getting the best of me again.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice above a whisper.

"It's unlikely," Carlisle added further, to give me some comfort, "but I _can _assure you that Aro will be far more interested in her, especially with her gift, than you will like, Jasper."

Peter snorted behind me and stood up from his chair. All eyes were on him as he muttered, "And I'll be sure to get her and me out of there as quickly as I can after she not-so-politely tells them to go to hell."

Even I had to laugh at that.

...

Later in the day, when the sun was shining brighter and hotter than it had in weeks, I found myself outside again, training with both Ethan and my mate. At times they seemed to work better together, especially when it came to fighting.

"Come on; focus on your strengths and her weakness!" Peter shouted to Ethan from beside me.

"Watch your teeth!" I snapped at my mate, just as her mouth came dangerously close to Ethan's skin once again. They both tumbled across the grass and landed at Esme's feet. She was observing closely but laughing. Lowering my voice, I said to Peter, "You want to tackle the walking as slow as a human thing? They try, but...well, you know."

He shrugged but agreed. Without another word, he dug into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a thin camera, which was only an inch thick. I recognized it immediately as one of the many cameras that had been in the Cullen home.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"Turn it on," he said, instead of giving me a direct answer.

I pressed the power button on for the camera, and the two-inch LCD screen flickered to life. After I hit the small play button on the top to display the pictures in the camera, I was immediately assaulted with a picture of my mate looking very human. Her tiny tattoo was showing, and I smiled for a split second at the sight.

"That'd be the first one I took. There are over two hundred pictures on there of things she wanted to remember. Also, there are about ten videos."

I pushed the buttons, going through picture after picture. "Why?" I asked, confused.

"She wanted to pick and choose, if you get my meaning."

I did. "I don't know if this is a good idea, Peter," I whispered warily, shooting a look up at Ethan, who was pouncing rather skillfully at my mate from the side. Quickly, I looked back down and flipped through a few more photos, skipping the videos all together. "I mean, it's great, really, and I know she would die for this, but Ethan..." I trailed off and winced at the thought of how he would take it.

"It's not about Ethan," Peter replied. "It's about Bella. And I'm the one who advocates the hell out of that boy, you know I do, but I promised her this, Jas. So I'm saying, right now, it's not about what would be good for _him_. It's about what's good for her. Didn't you see her struggling for memories of Esme and Carlisle? I think it's killing her that she can't remember."

I bristled at the indication that I might not know what my own mate was feeling or going through. "I know that, Peter."

His shoulders tensed at my words, and he shot me a look. "I know you do."

I turned the camera off and handed it back to him as he stared at me, confused. "You're right. _You_ promised her, man. And thank you. Honestly, you did real well with that. I never would have thought about it."

Peter shrugged and hid the camera back in his pocket. "Tonight then?"

"Sure."

"Strike three, you're outta' there, Sugar!" Peter shouted to my mate as Ethan pinned her down for the third and final time.

"You watch too much baseball," Isabella yelled back at Peter from her spot on the ground.

I chuckled as Ethan beamed and lifted himself off the ground. My mate grabbed his outstretched hand, and he pulled her up from the ground. Ethan turned to look at us. "Are we done?"

"Nope," I said, smirking at Peter. "Peter is going to work some more on your human speed. It's not hard, but it _is_ annoying as hell."

Isabella's eyes rolled. "Great," she muttered sarcastically. "I want to hunt."

"Me too," Ethan chimed in.

"You always want to hunt," I said through a laugh.

"Oh come on, Bella! If you walk across from that tree to the side of the house at human speed," Peter said to her, pointing out his directions as he talked, "then I'll have a surprise for you."

Both Ethan and Isabella eyed Peter warily. "You'll want that surprise, Isabella," I told my mate as I moved to her side, kissed her cheek, and left both of the newborns to train with Peter outside while I made my way into the cabin.

Esme smiled at me as I made my way but stayed where she was to watch Peter work with Isabella and Ethan.

"Jasper?" Charlotte called from the kitchen once I was inside.

"Yeah?"

"You busy?"

"Not at the moment, Char. What do you need?"

She laughed and poked her head around the doorframe of the kitchen to look at me. "You're out of coffee."

"Are you serious?" Carlisle called from his position in the living room.

"Very," Char replied, smiling at me, "so someone needs to make a trip into town. And pick up the usual stuff, too."

"Sure." I shrugged, and Carlisle came into the hallway between the two rooms.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all."

...

It had taken them until nightfall, but they finally got it—together, actually. Arms linked, and laughing, I watched silently from the front window as they walked, though my mate skipped, from the tree Peter had pointed out earlier to the left side of the house at human speed.

"Pay up, Pete!" Isabella called out smugly, after she let out a laugh of triumph.

My mate bumped Ethan on the side with her hip. He only shook his head, and I chuckled as Ethan looked for Charlotte. She promised him a good hunt in the city, and he was waiting for his debt to be paid as well. For some reason, the fact that my mate and Ethan were getting along so well didn't shock me like maybe it should have. And while some might have assumed jealousy would be my primary emotion over the fact that my mate was becoming closer by the minute to Ethan—a male—I couldn't seem to pull that singular emotion from my system.

It wasn't like that. Anyone could see it. And I knew more than anyone that she needed it.

I threw Char a knowing smile as she walked past me to go take Ethan on his hunt. "Esme!" she called back before walking out the front door.

Esme perked up from her spot on the couch and looked over her shoulder as Charlotte's tiny form appeared in the entryway. "Yes?"

"Would you like to join Ethan and me?"

A look passed between the mates in the room before Esme nodded her head and replied, "Sure."

"Come on, Sugar," I heard Peter say outside. "I guess you earned it."

"Later, E!" Isabella shouted as Charlotte and Esme left the confines of the cabin.

"Later..." was his only reply before the sounds of three distinct runners filled the surrounding area.

My vision cut to Carlisle, who was hooking up wires behind the flat screen that would connect the tiny camera Peter still had in his pocket to the television and allow the videos and pictures to stream across the screen in a much larger manner. He hadn't even flinched when Esme agreed to the hunt, and I couldn't help but feel surprised.

"It really doesn't bother you, does it?" I asked, purely curious.

"Hmm...what?" He looked out from behind the flat screen with a look of confusion on his face. "Esme, you mean?"

"Yes."

"Should it? I don't think so. I made a choice in my diet a long time ago, and it's not something I'm willing to change. When it came to her diet, it wasn't like I gave her any choice in the matter. She woke up, and I explained my lifestyle. I pushed it on her in a way, I suppose. We're trying this new thing," he said with a smirk, "where we just let each other _live_."

"What do you do when she's hunting?" Again, my curiosity was getting the better of me, and I knew I had no right to be asking.

He answered just as Peter and Isabella closed the cabin's front door. "There are many human monsters in this world, atrocities even, that do terrible things, and I've seen far too many live when they should have just been killed. Esme is selective in her hunts. I like to watch."

A noise, of surprise perhaps, caught in my throat, but other than that, I said nothing. Really, what _could_ I say?

"Come on, Pete, quit stalling," my mate grumbled, before jumping over the back of the couch. She landed on her back, with her feet stretched out, and stared at Carlisle, who had gone back to plugging the last wire into the spot where it needed to be. "What are you doing?" she asked him, rolling onto her stomach.

"Helping with your surprise," he replied with a smile.

"Oh."

Peter pulled out the small camera and tossed it to Carlisle. I sat on the arm of the couch, and Peter moved to the other side, before Carlisle plugged the black cord into the device's USB port for the television. When Carlisle pressed the power button on the camera and hit the playback for the photos, the same first picture I had seen earlier lit up on the huge flat screen.

Her gasp had me looking down at her immediately. "Isabella?" I asked softly.

She said nothing but got up slowly off the couch and walked toward the television. Her hands reached out, her fingers barely skimming across the screen, and she touched the lines of her human face, the dirt marks across the shirt she'd been wearing and the cursive tattooed _L _on her hip.

"Oh, Jas, it's me..." her voice trailed off, and a sob filled the quiet cabin.

"You okay, Sugar?" Peter asked. "We don't have to keep going."

"No!" She sounded almost breathless, and she motioned for Carlisle to move on to the next picture. "I remember, Peter. You said...you said... Ugh! The first year, right? Memories and remembering. You said it would help. I didn't know where you had gotten the camera. I think I was scared or something...like, before you came out?" Her sentences were choppy, but we got the general understanding of it.

"Yeah," Peter agreed quickly, "that's exactly right!" I could feel the rush of emotions from the other three in the room, but the most overwhelming was happiness. "Keep going, Carlisle."

A video of Peter talking in the background, explaining what he was doing, filled the screen. My mate laughed at the sound of her human voice compared to her new, more musical one. Another sob ripped forth from her lips when she flipped the bird to the camera.

More pictures floated by.

A chair.

The sky.

Words and phrases written on paper.

Her father's name.

Wind blowing dried leaves on the ground up into the air like a tiny tornado.

Faces, rooms, and more words written on paper.

Jacob's and Leah's names written in dirt.

A scar on her calf. Another on her arm.

Brown eyes.

Memories fell from her lips at each picture like water spilling from a faucet. Peter sat back in amazement, as did I. Love radiated from my mate—pure love and happiness, tinged with sadness, but not a single drop of regret.

Another video filled the screen. I heard childhood memories about the taste of sugary candy, the feeling of a summer rain in Phoenix, and her first kiss. There was another video, this time about an odd leaf. Isabella laughed and touched the screen again when Carlisle froze it in place for her. He picked the camera up and used the buttons to zoom in close to the leaf. My mate turned to me but still pointed to the screen behind her.

"I think...fuck, I think that's _you_!" she said though more laughter.

"What?" My laughter resounded through the cabin. "That doesn't make a lick of sense."

"I...well, I think... Ugh! This one is _hard_," she whispered, before turning back to the screen.

"It's okay," Peter replied. "You didn't explain it to me either. Don't push it, Sugar."

More pictures crossed the screen until we came back to the very first picture again. My mate stood stoic and still, staring at her very human self without speaking. Minutes passed before a hard sob echoed through the cabin. Peter cleared his throat, and Carlisle nodded at us both before making his way out of the room. Peter stood from the couch and approached my mate, his large hand rubbing a small circle on her shoulder before he left as well.

"I know you're okay emotionally," I said, speaking so softly I wasn't sure if she could hear me, "but are you _really_ okay?"

"Yes. No. Okay?" I felt her confusion. "Is it always hard like this?"

"Sometimes," I responded. "Other times it's there and over before you know it. I think this was a lot all at once."

She nodded but didn't turn to look at me. "Don't leave, please."

Isabella bent down and picked up the camera with a feather light touch, being extra careful as she pressed softly on the buttons and we began the process over again.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

...

Hours passed as my mate flicked through the same pictures and videos. It wasn't like she was gaining any new memories from the process, but it gave her a connection that I felt she had lost before this. I seriously owed Peter for what he had managed to save for her. The idea was brilliant, actually.

"What about Ethan?" Isabella asked randomly.

"Peter and I are working with things we've found on the internet. Ethan had a Facebook account, as did his mother. There were a lot of family photos, and things like that, but that's all they are. You had the chance to do something a little differently. I can't give Ethan anything physical because it's all gone."

"Yeah." Sadness enveloped her.

"It'll be all right," I told her honestly. "Even if he doesn't react well to pictures of his family right away because of lingering final memories, someday he _might_, sweetheart. He _will _have them when he does want them. That's more than any of us ever had. It's a piece of his humanity, and it will tie him to it, no matter what."

Minutes later, Peter and Carlisle joined us again in the living room. Isabella came back around to that first picture of her human self once more, and then she finally set the small camera down on the stand. She didn't make a move to leave her spot, though, and none of us said a word. Before long, Char, Esme, and Ethan were running toward the cabin, returning from their hunt.

I knew I should turn the television off, but I wouldn't until my mate was ready.

The three vampires made their way into the cabin and joined us in the living room. Ethan stared at the screen in silence and walked up beside my mate, confusion filling his emotions.

"That's you," he half mumbled to himself.

"Yeah," Isabella breathed, still in awe of the pictures and videos.

I felt a smile form on my lips.

A slow understanding filled Ethan's emotions, and the quick comprehension of whatever he suddenly understood shocked me. I stood still as he looked from the flat screen to my mate and then back to the screen again.

"No," he said louder. "It's _you._"

Confusion filtered through everyone's emotions around me.

"Ethan?" Char questioned from the back of the room, but he ignored her.

"What?" Isabella looked at him, bewildered and amused by his words.

"Bella. _Bella_," Ethan repeated.

"Shit," I heard myself say.

"_Lee's _Bella."


	35. Chapter 35

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 35: Chapter 35**

* * *

**Beta'd by JaspersDestiny. Pre-read by TheLyricalCutie and Becky03. **

* * *

**Ethan POV**

I stared at Bella and _really_ looked at her. Of course she was_ different_. She was older. Her hair was longer, and her skin was like perfect marble and her eyes a bright red, just like mine.

But she was still _Bella_; the same girl who taught my little sisters how to skip rope the Dutch way. She was that girl in my dim memories who helped Mom cook in the kitchen and who told Dad to tuck in his elbow a little bit more to get a harder hit with the baseball bat.

I hadn't been able to _see _her in the memories I fought with. They weren't a reality like what I lived every day now was.

And then there was Lee.

He was _my_ brother.

In my memories, he was the boy who showed me how to wheelie the dirt-bike when I was thirteen and who nearly got his ass whipped by Mom when I wrecked it. He was the boy who took me out to buttfuck-nowhere and showed me how to drive a stick-shift when I wasn't even old enough to get a driver's permit.

They were memories I hadn't associated with my previous life because they'd felt unreal. They'd seemed impossible.

But I knew he was my brother. And there wasn't a soul that surrounded me daily that could confirm or deny whether the things in my mind were fact or fiction, until now.

So I stared at her, half in amazement and half in anger, and she just stared back as if she had been waiting for this.

My hands shook. The question slipping from my mouth, barely above a whisper, was impossible not to ask. "How long did you know that it was _me_?" I blinked the venom welling in my eyes away. The stupid tears wouldn't fall anyway. I would never get that kind of relief.

"Since the day I woke up."

"You _bitch_," I snarled.

The flurry of movement surrounding us left my head spinning. I was now held in Peter's strong arms, locked in a vice grip. I thrashed violently against him and a sob ripped from my chest. Within a second, we were separated by meters, with me near the entranceway of the living room and her still standing in front of the television. My feet hit the floor, but he didn't let me go.

I felt Charlotte's tiny hand press against my arm. Slowly, I turned my head to look at her for a second, and the worried frown on her face made my guilt swell tenfold. She was a dead ringer for my mom. Well, not really, but the blonde hair helped, and that was the first memory that had seared itself through my mind after I woke up from my hell. Still, I had needed to associate her with something–_anything_–and that was where my memories placed Charlotte Whitlock.

I couldn't even explain to her how sane she'd helped me stay with just that one small thing. But I think she knew anyway.

"Ethan." My name being called brought my focus back to their side of the room. Jasper's voice still brought out a natural reaction of fear from me, and this time was no exception. "Are you okay?"

Since when did he care about how I felt?

"No," I said, my voice hoarse. "I am not _okay_."

Bella's fingers twitched at her sides and her eyes stayed locked on mine. Carlisle murmured something low to his mate, who was at his side. She only nodded in response but kept a close eye on me. I hated how they watched me like I was some kind of fucking monster about to attack. I was nothing more than a kid to them, a _baby_ in their world.

Didn't I have a right to be angry?

_Lee, my brother. _

_Ann, my mom._

_Ryan, my dad._

I choked back the names. My fists balled and my nails dug hard into my marble skin. Bella didn't say a word, and Peter released my arms. I _couldn't _move.

.

.

.

_Squealing giggles floated down the hallway until a little blonde head with bouncing curls in pigtails skidded into my room, followed closely by another little girl who looked a year or so younger but nearly identical to the first. _

"_Ethan," the first girl whispered quickly. Her little hands waved in excitement, and she pointed toward the direction of the doorway. "We're—" She was out of breath, and I heard myself chuckle. _

_The other one spoke up to finish what her sister had begun saying. "We're playing tickle-me-hide-an'-seek wiff Leelee an' Bella. _Please_, Ethan, help us hide!"_

_I acted offended, sitting back down on my bed and grabbing a dirt-bike magazine off my floor. "You didn't ask me to play, so why should I help?"_

_The first little girl with the pigtails pouted. "Please, Ethan? Please, please, please, _pl_eeee_ase_?"_

_They would never stop begging me until I let up, and I knew it. I tossed the magazine down and smiled at them before bending down over my bed and pulling up the blanket to show them the open space underneath it. _

"_Hurry up," I said with a grin, "before Lee and Bella stop counting."_

_Between muffled giggles and whispers, they both made their way under my bed, and I rolled my eyes before fixing the blanket to hide them. Two minutes later, I bit back laughter as I heard raucous, loud stomping down the hallway, followed by girly laughter and warnings of tickle threats to come. _

_Lee's head poked through the doorway of my bedroom, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. He looked a lot like me. "Did you see the girls?" he asked with a smile. _

"_Nope," I replied before flipping my magazine back up and reading again. _

_He disappeared, and I listened to him holler down the hallway again. _

_Bella stood in my doorway and leaned against the frame, staring at the ruffling of the blanket on the floor. She shot me a wink and then turned to leave. _

"_You should close your door, Ethan..." Her voice lowered. "We wouldn't want Lee in here tearing it apart looking for two little tickle bugs."_

_Two distinct giggles came from under my bed. I rolled my eyes. They wouldn't stay hidden for long if they kept that up. _

"_Get out," I told Bella. "And close the door."_

_The door slammed shut loudly, and the muffled giggles under my bed continued. _

"_Quiet, you brats."_

.

.

.

The memory faded away like a black curtain had fallen over my eyes. I realized then that I had bent over and was clutching my arms around my stomach. It _hurt_. Remembering moments and people I couldn't connect to my current reality hurt. The air I tried to breathe into my lungs caught in my chest.

What in the fuck was this, a panic attack?

Vampires couldn't have those, right?

Peter kneeled down beside me. I heard his voice and the words he spoke, but I wasn't computing them. All I could think of was how hard it had been for me to remember my own family, yet Bella had obviously remembered me so easily. Why were we so vastly fucking different? We were the same, right? Newborns, they called us. Both of us acted bat-shit crazy most of the time. Hunting and fighting were both activities we enjoyed. So why did her memories of _my _family come so easily when most of my memories were filled with violent reminders of blood red eyes, blond hair, and _pain_. There was so much pain.

"Breathe, Ethan," Peter murmured from beside me. "Jasper?"

"He's panicking. I've got to let him work through it, Peter."

Finally I found air. It burned in my lungs. There was too much movement and too much noise. "Shut up!"

Everyone quieted. Peter stood back up when I did, and I dropped my arms back to my sides.

Then it occurred to me, so swiftly that it felt like a punch to my chest, that I couldn't remember the little girls' names. My own sisters had been nearly forgotten!

Where was my justice?

"Their names," I muttered, clenching my teeth and keeping my eyes locked with Bella's. "What were the names of _my _sisters?"

Pain swept across her face, and her gaze broke with mine to look at Jasper. He nodded in response, but nothing was said between them. Like Peter and Charlotte, or Carlisle and Esme, whatever connection mates seemed to have, it went far beyond the physical aspect of it. I hated that I could see it, and I hated myself even more because I didn't _share _it. Envy was a constant emotion.

Bella clasped her hands together, still avoiding my gaze. My fingers twitched with anxiety. Why wouldn't she answer me? "I want to know."

"Misha was the oldest. She liked chocolate ice-cream and smelled like summer."

I nodded despite myself. It was confusing and heartbreaking. I was thankful and angry at the same time. I wanted to force Bella to the floor and make her tell me everything she knew about my human life, everything that I didn't. I remembered so little, except for the end, and that was nothing worth keeping anyway.

"And the little one?" I asked, the hurt and longing in my voice surprising even myself.

Bella blinked and looked at me again. "Jessi. I don't remember much about her, just the way her laugh sounds."

"Sound_ed_."

The correction was automatic, and Jasper flinched at the word. Bella's brow furrowed and she nodded at me. "I'm sorry," Bella whispered.

My mind was flooded with those final days again. I had tried so hard to keep those memories at bay, but something always brought them back. There was pain, blood, and burning. Maniacal laughter, screaming, and _death_.

I'd watched when _he _dragged my sisters across the hallway floor and out the back door. The sound of my dad's arm breaking reverberated in my ears. My mom begged for our lives. When _he _returned without the girls, he left a trail of blood down the hall and to the bathroom, which he made my mom clean. An hour later, and I was burning in hell. And the baby cried... He was always crying. Behind the walls of fire that licked around the edges of my senses, I had heard my mom's voice. She cried often, and sometimes she sang soft lullabies to the crying infant. Other times, she whispered my name, but I heard it so clearly, and she apologized over and over again. When I cried out, she begged me to stop.

And the baby cried on...

"_Lysen_." The name sounded foreign on my tongue, but I knew who he was.

Those memories were easily found and understood. When my parents had brought him home all new and bundled up, they thought I wouldn't know. Maybe they believed I wouldn't care who he had belonged to or who had birthed him.

_A little miracle_, they had said.

He looked just like them, all blond and brown-eyed. And it was hard not to love him, even when he spit up all over my favorite hoodie or when he cried all damned night and kept the whole house awake. He was just a baby, sweet and innocent, with a smile that said you just made his whole day brighter when he graced you with it.

And he was Lee's kid, whether my parents admitted it or not. They tried to hide it, but I wasn't young enough, like my sisters, to care about pretend storks dropping him off in swaddling blanket from the sky. I sure wasn't stupid _or _naive enough to believe that my parents had just suddenly decided they wanted to adopt some random baby, not after everything our family had just gone through. A new baby certainly wasn't going to make that last year disappear–but Lysen did, in a way.

So I kept quiet and never bothered to say a word. Really, what did it matter?

But it did now... The baby mattered now because he made the difference in where I was then and why I was here now. After all, his biological mother was standing in front of me surrounded by _vampires, _for Christ's sake. They certainly weren't the vampires that had taken my family hostage, but they were vampires nonetheless—vampires that cared for Bella, that knew her before this happened.

And I never did believe in fucking coincidences.

"What did _you _do?" Every word I directed at Bella hit her hard, and I reveled in it. Her pain, for me, felt justified. "You, what, had him and pretended like he didn't exist so you could just _move on_?"

Bella sobbed and shook her head erratically. I didn't care how much it hurt her. She hurt me, and I wanted to know why.

"Ethan," Jasper hissed, but I ignored his warning and continued.

I took one step closer to the girl across the room, and Jasper moved one step closer to me. "So then what, Bella? In your new life you still couldn't keep it together? You were the human girl who ran with vampires? So what did _you _do to bring them to _us_?" I asked with more force. "Why me, Bella...why _us_?"

My voice broke, and I couldn't smother my pain. It all came rearing back up violently, followed by the rage that was my near constant companion in this new life. The tremors in my hands radiated throughout my body. I shook through the anger and watched as her body shook in pain.

"You fucking liar! You said you _cared, _and I believed you!"

It was becoming obvious that Jasper had had just about enough of me. "Ethan, stop it!"

"I _do_!" Bella screamed at me, disregarding her mate altogether. "You know I do. How could I not? You don't think I know I fucked up, Ethan, like I don't realize that what I did killed your family? I know, E! I fucking _know_, okay? And I'm so sorry!"

Absolute anguish and sorrow curled around me. I had lost _everything._ My fists balled, my eyes blackened, and rage pooled in my stomach again. I squeezed my eyes shut, and my roar of pain echoed throughout the cabin and shook the windows.

When I opened my eyes, the people surrounding me were moving again. Carlisle had moved in front of his mate, but I could still see her staring at me with obvious pity. Charlotte's fingers clasped around my wrist, but I didn't remove her hand. I needed the security of being grounded to something–_anything_–because, despite my feet being firmly on the ground, I felt like I was falling. Everything was so out of my control.

"I _want _to hate you," I growled. "You deserve it."

"No, she doesn't," Jasper spat at me. His black eyes bore into mine, and I flinched at the sight, the memory of how violent he could be without a thought flashing in my mind. "Regardless of the things Bella said and thinks she knows, her memories are just as messed up as yours are, boy. And I can tell you right now, the horror that happened to your family was out of her control. There wasn't one thing she did in particular that caused the vampires to make the choice to do what they did."

He breathed deeply and swallowed, shooting a look at his mate before turning back on me again. "I know you hate me, and that's okay. I certainly can handle it, Ethan. Maybe I even deserve it. But I _did _see it, and I _was _there at the end, and there wasn't a God damned thing she did to cause the insanity that was brought down upon your family. She didn't make that choice; someone else made it for her despite everything she did to keep our people away from them."

Memories floated through the haze of that burning that singed my heart to death. I could hear Jasper's whispered voice, as well as my mom's, through the fire that was rushing my senses. Lysen had stopped his cries for a moment. The house was quiet, and I was sure I could actually _smell _the fire burning my skin.

_The baby was being held hostage. _

_The baby was being held... _

_The baby was being..._

_The baby was... _

_The baby... _

_The baby. _

The baby.

Where was Lysen?

For so long, I had connected Jasper to the massacre of my family since his was one of the last voices I heard. He had been there for the baby, and he had spoken to my mother. I had felt it when he lifted me from the floor, the air cooling my body momentarily before the fire consumed me again. But then there was nothing...just Charlotte's sweet, caring voice calling for me to open my eyes.

"What happened to my mother?" I asked quietly, looking up at Jasper.

He shifted on his feet, and Charlotte stilled beside me, her fingers gripping on my wrist tighter as she looked at him as well, waiting for his answer. Peter cleared his throat on my other side, but he said nothing. It seemed all eyes were turned on Jasper for the moment, even Bella's. She seemed to be desperately waiting for a reply as well.

She finally found her voice, and the venom in her eyes had me biting back pain again. "Where is my son?"

Silence descended when he looked back at her with pain. He had a pleading look in his eyes.. "Isabella..." he started, his voice cracking when he let the sentence trail off.

"_No_, Jasper. Where is my son?"

"I'm _sorry_," he whispered. "I am so—"

She screamed at him and stepped backward, shaking her head in disbelief. I watched in confused. "Liar! How dare you lie to me and tell me everything was _safe_?"

Jasper moved toward her, and she jumped sideways. Her legs hit the couch, but she quickly climbed over the back and stared at him. She was an arm's length away from me now. "Isabella, please listen to me. _Please,_" he begged.

"Don't you say it," she hissed, stepping backward again, pushing past me, Peter, and Charlotte as she moved into the hallway. "Don't you dare!"

"I'm sorry," Jasper repeated. He didn't make an attempt to come any closer to us. "When I took Ethan out of the house, I didn't make it back in time. With the fire downstairs, and the one support wall that had been knocked out during the fight... Jesus, I'm sorry, Sugar. I am _so_ sorry. I tried, I did, but the house couldn't take it. I thought I had time."

"Bu..." Confusion filled me quickly, and I couldn't form coherent words.

Jasper's eyes met mine, and I looked away, unable to understand what he was saying. Did that mean in saving my life, my mother and Lysen had lost _theirs_?

"I'm sorry, Ethan, I tried. I watched it fall."

My body swayed slightly. I looked at Charlotte, who only looked at Jasper with her teeth clenched shut, her body tense. Why hadn't she told me before?

"Why, Jasper?" Charlotte asked.

He didn't respond to her in words, but I watched his hands ball into fists and press together, and then he made the motion of a break between them. I didn't understand.

The scream of disbelief and anger from behind me shocked me, and I turned quickly enough to see Bella's back hit the hallway wall. She pressed her fists to her eyes and slid down the wall until her ass met the floor.

Remorse flooded me. "I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered. She didn't respond. The apology wasn't just for what I had learned but for everything I had said as well.

And when Charlotte's hand left my wrist, I was gone.

They couldn't catch me, which I knew. I flew through the front door, not caring if it broke or not. I heard the vampires behind me shouting as my feet hit the grass, but not for one second did I think about stopping. Before they could even make it out the front door, I was already cutting through the forest line. It was dark, and the sounds of three runners behind me had me pushing harder to run faster.

I just needed to get away, if only for a second. I knew that when they got me they'd force me down and bring me back, but they would have to catch me first. I didn't plan on letting that happen anytime soon. Before I realized it, I had hit a dirt road. The darkness surrounded my vision, but it didn't stop me.

Charlotte called out from behind me. "Ethan, please stop!"

The swelling agony pushed me onward.

There were very few things I was certain of, but those things were the most important. I was all of sixteen years old; nearly seventeen, but I'd never make it there now, not as a human anyway. I would forever be stuck as a sixteen year old boy with no human family to call my own. They were dead..._gone_. The memories I had felt like movies of a time I couldn't quite experience as my own yet I knew that I had. And I also knew I'd hold on to them forever.

I _had_ a mother, a father, a brother, and sisters. I played football and drove a dirt-bike. I'd kissed a girl, and though I'd never had sex, I sure knew what lust felt like. I missed my family, but I'd never see them again in the flesh. My heart would never beat again.

Peter had called me a _Whitlock_. But I wasn't one! I didn't smell like them, or fit in like Bella did with them, and my joining with them had only been accidental.

But I wanted to _belong_.

I was just a boy.

Every step I took in this life felt like leaps and bounds backwards. I could never catch a break.

Another call for me to stop running sounded from behind me. By the time I heard the rumbling of an old truck, it was far too late anyway. I rounded a sharp corner on the dirt road and came face-to-face with a slow moving pick-up's headlights before I finally stopped running. Two human heartbeats filled my senses, and I was lost again.

The screams echoed in the darkness as I moved to the side of the truck, my hands smashing through the side window before grabbing the prize inside.

"Ethan!"

My teeth sank into the pumping vein. I sucked hard, and the human struggled in my grasp. The other one inside the cab screamed louder, but the noise was cut off by the snapping of a neck. I watched the male vampire approach me in my peripheral vision after putting the human out of its misery. My possessive growl of warning for my meal had the blonde man backing up with his hands outstretched; a sign of peace.

I finished the first quickly before grabbing at the other body. Too quickly, the blood that had held my emotions at bay came to an abrupt end, but I didn't feel so bad anymore. I'd let my emotions run their course and had fed myself numb. My bloody fingers twitched, and I looked up at the inky sky, speckled with stars. I realized then that it hadn't been the people surrounding me who'd held me so far back. It was me. It had _always_ been me.

I finally felt what I had been waiting for. The leaps and bounds backward finally stopped. The agony took a backseat, and the human voice I'd been trying to recover disappeared. It didn't matter who I _was _anymore. And I was okay with that.

I wouldn't allow my human life to be dictated by its length any longer, only its content.

The sense that I was falling stopped, and I finally found solid ground. This was my step forward.


	36. Chapter 36

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those I created for the sake of my plot, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 36: Chapter 36**

* * *

**Beta'd by JaspersDestiny. Pre-read by TheLyricalCutie and Becky03.**

**Jasper POV**

The front door slammed open as Ethan barreled through, and it crashed hard against the outer wall of the cabin. Upon impact, the top hinge broke, and the door wildly swung back to close—but not before Charlotte, Peter, and Carlisle flew through the barely opened door in streaks of color after the young vampire.

The low, keening wails of anguish from Isabella on the floor brought my attention back to her. With fists pressed tight to her eyes, the keening turned into soft moans of disbelief. "No. No, no, no!" she wailed.

I was frozen in my spot, even though every instinct in me screamed to go to my mate on the floor, wrap her in the blanket of love, security, and comfort that only I could provide, and somehow make her believe it would be okay. But she wouldn't want _me_, and I knew it. That was the only thing that held me back from doing the right thing.

A soft voice to my right had me turning to look at Esme. "Jasper?"

"Yeah?" My voice was hoarse, and my throat felt dry. Esme swelled with pity, and when another wail—louder and more heart wrenching than the last—filled the small cabin, I flinched. My hands shook, and I cast a glance at Isabella before quickly diverting my gaze back to Esme. "I... I just don't know what to do," I whispered. I closed my eyes when I felt waves of sorrow from all directions.

_My _God_, what did I _do_? _

I swallowed back the sob that was rising in my throat. "Sugar?"

I took a tentative step forward in her direction. Her hands fell from her face, and her eyes opened wide—black as coal and filled to the brim with rage and grief—before she screamed bloody murder and pressed harder against the wall. As if I'd been whipped with barbed wire, I snapped back into place, and her hands resumed their place pressing against her closed eyelids.

The rejection bit my skin and stabbed my heart. "_Oh, God_," I mumbled. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

The record of apologies continued on repeat, and her pain saturated my senses. My gift was not a blessing. It would _always_ be a curse now. I would always feel her underlying grief and pain; it wouldn't matter if it were two days or ten years from this moment. My memory would never let me forget this moment with my mate on the floor, overwhelmed by pain, because of me.

But the lie was out now. It had tumbled from my mind to my lips without stumbling for a moment. I hadn't given it a second thought, and I couldn't take it back. I would _never _be able to take it back.

But it also made her safe, forever. If I never admitted the truth to her, she would be able to live a life free from the worry that the Volturi would come to kill the child and the family that held him safe. While I would always look over my shoulder in fear of punishment for the things I had done, Isabella never would.

And I could live with that.

But I hadn't just given Bella the ability to escape punishment through my lies. Peter, Carlisle, Esme, and Ethan were saved, too.. Lying to them all was, without a doubt, the only thing that would save their lives.

Charlotte knew, though. She's known since the beginning, and if Peter knew the full extent of her knowledge—and how much danger I've put his mate in—he would never forgive me.

Yet that was a fucking risk I was more than willing to take.

Eventually my mate's pain would fade, and eventually her grief would, too. That was the reality of the situation. It's life, and I'll be there the entire time, no matter how many times she screams or blames me. I'll be there at the end, too, waiting for the moment when she'll finally be okay again, because I know that time will eventually come. It _has _to.

My lies were _never_ made in vain.

Esme's small hand pressed against my arm, taking me from my thoughts. She eyed me with concern while the heart-breaking noise from Isabella continued.

"May I?" Esme asked softly, gesturing toward my mate.

I pressed the side of my hand to my mouth while looking back to the huddled form on the floor. "She's not your responsibility, Esme. You don't ha—"

Her short, clipped growl interrupted me. Fire burned in her eyes, and her emotional signature swirled with anger but also understanding for us as well. "I _do_, Jasper," she said, her words tinged with meaning.

My chest released the air I had been holding, and my hands dropped to my sides. I finally nodded my assent. "_Thank you_."

I stepped toward my mate again, and her wailing rose in volume once more. Even so, I couldn't stop myself from saying goodbye, even if it was only for a few minutes. She needed to know I loved her. I _needed _her to know it.

Bending down beside her, I breathed in her scent and touched her shaking arms softly with my hands. She stopped moving when I made contact with her skin and instead became a statue beneath my fingers. I felt the truth from her emotions, and I nearly staggered from the weight of what it meant. She didn't want me to touch her, and I suddenly felt nauseous.

Another apology seemed useless. Explanations wouldn't help much, either. I didn't have many assurances to give, except for one, and I'd always give her that, no matter what.

"I love you."

Before she could respond, or before I could say something I shouldn't, I turned and left. I heard Esme take my previous spot, the one I never wanted to leave, as I pushed open the broken front door, and I heard my mate mumble something incoherent to my ears.

But I _did_ hear Esme.

"You're not empty," she whispered. "You're _not_ empty, child."

My heart broke, again.

.

.

.

I found myself in the forest sitting on the damp ground, my back pressed to the trunk of a large tree. I wasn't far enough from the cabin that I couldn't hear my mate's near constant cries. As time wore on, they began to sound hollow, and her despair stabbed at me with unrelenting force. I felt like I was going to break.

It wasn't long before Ethan and the others returned. The most surprising thing to me was the fact that Ethan was leading them. They weren't dragging him back in a rage as I thought they would. Instead, he was mostly calm, considering everything.

Not long after, Peter joined me outside, and I couldn't help but appreciate his attempt at keeping his emotions calm for my sake. My knees were drawn up to my chest, and I steepled my fingers as I looked up at him.

I waited for him to speak. Instead, he took in the sight of me, and his expression turned sad. "You shoulda told her sooner. Christ, Jas, you could have told _me _at least," he said quietly, but I felt no judgement from him. That was surprising.

My hiss resonated through the forest, and I met his gaze again. "She was happy, Peter, thinking he was safe and off living somewhere. Yeah, you know, I just wanted to break and shatter that little dream to bits and pieces as soon as I could." My sarcasm was heavy. He rolled his eyes in response, and I sighed. "No, damn it, I wanted her to be okay, at least for a little while."

The lies came so smoothly.

"But you knew it couldn't last. You must have known that, Jasper."

I hummed in agreement. "That doesn't mean I wanted her to find out this way. I figured once all the bullshit was over, I'd take her away for a short while and tell her then. I'd let her get it out in private. I didn't want it to affect Ethan badly, too. I didn't want him to know, at least not until we got the issues worked out. He's...been really good lately," I said flatly. "I probably just shot that all to hell. Poor kid."

Peter snorted. "Give him a bit of credit. I think he's going to be okay."

I looked through the trees in the direction of our home. "Yeah?" I asked quietly.

"_I_ think so." He chuckled deeply. "He got a hold of two humans when he ran. We had to ditch the truck and bury the bodies. Carlisle killed the second one while Ethan was draining the first. I guess he was trying to spare the visual shit, or something, but what point was there? The girl had already seen what her fate was gonna be."

I raised my eyebrow in question. "But he came back without you forcing him to?" I was surprised again.

Peter shrugged and shifted on his feet before answering. "When he was done and ready to talk, all he wanted to do was to get back to the cabin so he could apologize to Bella again. He acted before thinking. I can't imagine how it felt to have all that shit shoved up on him like that, especially when he wasn't even sure if the vampires he was living with were the same ones who helped lead his family to the slaughter," he explained, the empathy leaking from him.

Air whooshed from my lungs. "I know."

"He doesn't feel like he's a part of our family," Peter's voice was just above a whisper. "And no matter how many times I tell him he is, he doesn't—or won't—believe me."

"He's just a young kid, Peter. Give him some more time."

Peter nodded, but from his emotions I knew it wasn't a nod of agreement. A flash of anger shocked me. I looked up at him again, in question. "What?"

"You need to figure it out, Jas, 'cause I can only go so far, and Char can only do so much. He's important, and he should damn well feel like it, too."

Overall, I trusted Peter's judgement on Ethan above most anyone else. Sure, Char was the one Ethan felt closest to, but Peter had a far better understanding on the kid than any of us did. I was sure that everything Peter had learned tonight probably answered just about anything that had been unknown to him before. And truthfully, Peter always had been able to get a better read on most people, more so than most normal vampires.

The silence hung thick between us. Peter didn't stay much longer once I was done talking. For a while, I stared in the darkness, listening to the quiet voices and soft cries coming from the cabin. I was being a coward, and I knew it. I didn't want to see her refuse me again. I wasn't sure I could handle it.

The little voice in the back of my head was poking at my conscience. Once again, it seemed to have a better grasp on reality than I did. It was mocking me, and I hated it.

It wasn't as if I didn't realize the irony slapping me in the face; the paradox that I used to be, compared to those I had judged before. Now, I was no better than them, the Cullens.

My lies were easily woven webs, thickly concealing truths from prying eyes. I'd hurt my mate with those lies, and it probably wouldn't be the last time. Every choice she'd had, I'd taken away from her, even if it was in the best interests of those around me.

Yeah, I was a definite contradiction. Of course, I couldn't put myself in that box anymore. You can't be different and be the same.

I judged and condemned those around me for their choices. So, who would be the judge of me for mine?

I pressed my fingers together, palms connecting, as I turned my head up to see the barely concealed sky. My eyes closed and I breathed deeply, feeling uneasy over what I was about to do.

Never had I been a spiritual man, but I also wasn't stupid. I knew someone would judge me, someday. I just wanted to make sure that person knew that I was ready for it. Sins always had to be paid, but there hadn't been a single sin of mine that came before this one where I'd felt the need to be repentant over it.

So, for the first time in my vampire life, I prayed.

.

.

.

It was well past noon the next day before I made my way back to the cabin. I hadn't been called back, and it was obvious my mate wanted her space. It was also a bit of the coward in me that had kept me away for the night, too.

Peter met me on the front steps. The front door had been taken off its broken hinge and placed off to the side until someone could make the trek into town to grab the supplies needed to fix it. Isabella and Ethan had been doing well with their strength, and we hadn't needed to have anything extra in the cabin for things like that.

"You sure the humans won't be out this far looking for the ones Ethan got?" I asked Peter when I joined him.

He shrugged. "I doubt it. The truck was old, and it certainly didn't have any tracking device on it. The humans were young, probably seventeen or so. For a while, the authorities will probably just assume they ran off before they start suspecting any kind of foul play and start looking. I'm not worried."

I nodded jerkily, not really listening. I was feeling the emotions inside the cabin and listening to the soft murmurs behind its walls. Peter watched me knowingly.

"You okay?"

My jaw clenched and I snorted. "It's not me that matters," I replied honestly.

"She ain't moved," he told me quietly, before filling me in on the details of the night I had missed. "Esme sat beside her most of the night, but Carlisle took off with her a couple of hours ago for some time to think. When we got back last night, Ethan's front was covered in blood, but she didn't even react when he walked right past her."

That was shocking. My head tilted a bit to the side as I mulled it over. "She'll have to hunt before the trip, whether she wants to or not."

"Yeah," he agreed simply, "but we'll deal with that when the time comes."

"Char?"

Peter looked down at the steps, feeling several shades of awkward for a few short seconds. "She doesn't know what to do...or say, for that matter. Sorry sure doesn't seem appropriate or worthy, you know?"

No, Charlotte didn't like to lie. She never had. That was her problem, and I knew it. "S'okay, Peter," I mumbled. "What about Ethan?"

I watched the smile tug at the side of his mouth, despite the saddening situation. "He, uh...came back without a fuss...showered, dressed _himself_—"

"Really?"

Peter broke into a full blown grin and nodded. Ethan's hardest issue, besides his emotions, was clothing. Just the fact that he'd managed to get himself dressed alone _and _calmly, was a huge improvement from just yesterday's dressing situation.

"That's..." I couldn't even finish the sentence, but Peter knew what I meant.

"I know. And Jas?"

I looked at him again, and his smile receded a bit. "Yeah?"

"Once dressed, he hasn't left her side all night," he murmured, low enough for only him and me to hear. "And they haven't said a word, but the affection is kind of..."

He searched for the right word, but I already had a dozen ready. "Obvious? Needed? Good?"

Another nod, and then he sighed. "You sure you're gonna be okay?"

Venom pooled in my mouth, and I swallowed quickly, pushing the pain and want for my mate down. I had to keep reminding myself this was what was best; it was what needed to happen. "Yeah, as long as she doesn't start screaming at me again, I should be fine," I replied, with a disheartening chuckle.

Sympathy flowed from him, and I felt his hand hit my shoulder lightly, but he said nothing in response.

.

.

.

I sat on the couch, my head turned enough so I could watch the two vampires in the hallway interact. Isabella didn't scream bloody murder at me when I entered, but the lack of emotion from her, and the way she absolutely ignored my very presence, was show enough. Without a doubt, it hurt. But I deserved it.

Regardless of my mate's snubbing of me, Ethan was making up for it tenfold. His emotions bounced between anger, sadness, hope, confusion, and then some. It was a constant cycle of struggle, but he kept silent, still, and surprisingly calm on the outside.

Ethan sat with his back to the wall beside Isabella. His arm was linked with hers, their hands grasping tightly together. They were keeping one another _grounded_. I couldn't help but feel appreciative to him; she was allowing someone to help her, even if it wasn't me. Occasionally, Ethan's eyes would lift to meet mine, but he no longer looked on me with fear and anger. He felt anguish, pity, and forgiveness.

I surely didn't deserve the last one.

Esme and Carlisle returned later in the day, making their way into the cabin from the back way and quickly finding Charlotte and Peter in the small kitchen. Quiet murmurs filled the space, and I longed for the silence once again. Still, I couldn't help but be surprised by, and a little impressed, with Carlisle and Esme. They had once again been given a hell of a lot of information to process—things they hadn't been privy to before—and they took it in stride, or at least as best they could.

Though the confusion they had felt in the beginning was understandable, it had quickly been replaced by shock for both, and then a saddened understanding from Esme.

_Empty_.

I'd made her empty. I'd created a gap between us that couldn't be filled, and I'd have to live with knowing that.

Quietly and suddenly, Ethan spoke. "You made the right choice, Bella." My eyes lifted to watch the interaction between them. "With the baby, I mean. I'm a little older than you were, and...uh...shit, I can't imagine. And then what were you supposed to do without him there to help? I know you had it rough right after. They never said too much, but they talked behind closed doors, and walls are thin, you know? The hospital, the drugs, and your mom...hell, even _my_ mom thought yours was a fucking flake, from what I can remember. It makes sense now, why you went away, I mean. Was it hard, going through it alone?"

Her voice was a hushed whisper that barely reached my ears. "Yes." The word was short, clipped, and filled with pain.

"Did you miss him sometimes...you know, when the pregnancy started getting..._real_?"

Isabella stopped breathing for a second. Her head hung down, and her hair covered her face from my view. A cocktail of depressing emotions slipped through the walls she was trying to build.

"Every day," she replied at the same level.

Every vampire but the two in the hallway turned to stone. There wasn't even the sound of breathing.

Ethan grasped at Bella's hand, tighter. "Would you have come back for him?" he asked, quieter again.

I swallowed hard, looking away for a second before my mate answered. "_No_."

"Why?" Ethan's tone was filled with pain and anguish at the revelation. "Didn't you want him?"

Her response was immediate, and I felt myself rise to my feet without fully realizing it as she answered. "My God, _yes_, Ethan! That was exactly why I couldn't come back. I _loved _him enough to let him _go_!" Isabella's voice rose several octaves. "I wanted him to be happy and healthy and loved. Who better than..." She stopped for a moment, lifting a hand to her forehead. "Who better than your family, _Lee's_ family? What kind of mom would I be, anyway?"

Ethan didn't answer that. By the distraught emotions he was shovelling out, I was sure he didn't know either. "Little Lee," he said through a half-hearted chuckle.

"What?"

"That's what mom called him when she thought no one could hear. _Little Lee_," he repeated.

Sobs broke through, and her shoulders heaved from the force. I forced myself to sit back down, but I watched as Ethan pushed himself closer to her and she held his arm tighter.

"I'm sorry, B, so damned sorry."

The unfamiliar prickle against my eyes was returning full force, and for a moment I wished we _could_ cry.

.

.

.

The next few days passed quickly—too quickly for my taste.

Time had run out, and I hadn't gained an inch on my mate. She stayed an arm's length away from me and rarely spoke to any of us, outside of Ethan and occasionally Peter, if he asked her a direct question. I knew it was because Ethan and Isabella shared that common tie, and nearly the same pain flowed from them both.

"You need to hunt," I told her quietly the night before they were scheduled to leave for Volterra. She flinched at my proximity, and it stung. "Isabella, please...I can't have you go without speaking to me."

Black eyes lifted to meet mine. Rage had pooled in her emotions. "You lied," she hissed. "Why?"

"I don't know." And I didn't. How could I give her the truth of this lie? There wasn't any truth worth giving in this situation as far as I was concerned, not safely. I wouldn't have her running around the world tracking Alice and putting herself in constant danger. I couldn't allow her to chase after the child because she'd already given him up once, and regardless of what she tried to say, I knew she wouldn't do it a second time. "I love you, and I wanted you. I did everything I thought I could—"

"But you still _lied _to me. You had the choice to be honest, and I would have understood eventually. You destroyed me by lying." Before I could speak, she was leaving my presence again. "I'll take Peter with me and hunt some fucking wildlife. I don't need _you_ to tell me I need to hunt. Don't worry; I get it, tasty fucking humans and all in a public place. Now, leave me alone, Jasper."

_You destroyed me. _

The words echoed around me. My mouth fell open in shock.

Peter walked calmly past my open doorway and nodded to me as he passed. "Wait up, Sugar," he called.

As the back door slammed shut, I heard her voice call back, "No, you can stay a mile behind, Peter. I need some time to think."

She hadn't gotten ten feet into the forest before I heard the first tree cracking, splintering, and then falling to the ground with several tell-tale thuds. A broken, rage-filled scream resonated through the area, and more trees took the brunt force from my mate's anger. At some point, I'd managed to sit down at the very edge of the bed. My hands met my face, and for a moment I let her emotions from the forest fill my own.

At least she wasn't numb anymore.

.

.

.

Before early morning came, Charlotte had the new car cleaned and ready. Three small backpacks were put in the trunk while Peter and I stood off to the side.

He'd been jittery and bothered since coming back from the hunt with my mate, and I had an idea what was going on. "She doesn't want me on the tarmac," I finally said, quietly.

Peter clenched his fists and nodded. "Yeah. I know you wanted to be there, Jas."

Carlisle came out of the forest's edge, directly across from where we were, and closed a cell phone as he approached us. A quick nod to us said it was time for them to get going if they were going to hit the private airstrip in time for there to be as little human activity on it as possible. They needed it to go as smoothly as possible, and I knew I couldn't fuck that up by causing a scene over something my mate wanted.

Besides, it _was _rather obvious how much she didn't want me around, but I couldn't show how much I was hurting then.

"It's okay," I replied to Peter after a moment. "Just get back here safe, all right?" _Bring her back to me._

He didn't have to answer, and I was positive he probably already knew my unspoken words. I moved away from him when he motioned for Charlotte to come over in my place. I watched in silence as he pulled off the ring from the middle finger of his right hand and placed it in Char's palm. They'd never been married. It wasn't their thing, and it wasn't really a true vampire custom, either, although some chose to do it. I wondered where the ring came from, and when I thought back for as long as I had known Peter, he had always worn that ring. Even so, I had very few memories of his time as a newborn where he wore it. I suspected he'd kept it hidden then, which would have been wise. I had never once thought to ask. Maria had a penchant for destroying anything that tied a new vampire to their human life.

Peter always had been a quick learner.

Carlisle called for Esme, who was inside the cabin, and both she and my mate exited together. Ethan watched quietly from the window for only a moment before disappearing from my view. His emotions told me he was scared, sad, and border lining on loneliness. The last one was a surprise. It wasn't like he didn't have Charlotte or me here with him.

Charlotte came to my side after Peter said his goodbyes. Her palm tightened around the ring when he climbed into the back seat of the car. Isabella followed in his direction quickly. Before she climbed into the car, I shoved all the comforting emotions and love I could toward my mate. Her back stiffened for a moment before her head turned to look over her shoulder.

Beautiful red eyes swam with emotion, and for a second, time stood still.

_I'm sorry. Don't leave without saying goodbye, please. _

But she did, and I held the pain at bay when they loaded into the car and drove off.

Minutes ticked past where there was nothing but silence. Charlotte wasn't even breathing beside me. The sky lightened an infinitesimal amount. Ethan paced the hallway in the cabin repeatedly.

"They'll be back," Charlotte muttered, attempting to calm her raging emotions down and breaking the eerie calm. "No cause, right?"

I looked down at her, swallowing the venom pooling in my mouth. "Yeah, Char." I took a deep breath, releasing the air slowly from my lungs before speaking again. "You think Peter would mind if you told me about that ring he left behind?"

She laughed lightly, but it held a shaking strain at the end. "He was lucky that bitch never caught him with it."

I hummed my agreement and waited for her to continue.

"Anyway, it was his dad's wedding ring. He doesn't remember why he had it, just that it belonged to his father. Peter figures it must have been a mistake that they never cleared his body of what personal possessions he had during the burn," she explained.

My lips quirked up into a lopsided grin. "Or we never noticed it," I replied.

She shrugged and let go of another shaky breath. "Or that."

"Do you mind being here alone for a while?"

The tiny shake of her head let me know her answer, though her emotions screamed that she didn't want to be left alone. Char wouldn't be alone, though; Ethan was here, and I knew she'd busy herself with him for the few hours I needed to be away.

"I need to pay a visit to a neighbour. Their territorial lines are getting..." My mind looked for the appropriate word to manipulate the truth with Char.

Charlotte spoke up before I could find it. "Are you going to finish her off?"

"Should I?" I asked back. "I think it's obvious why she's there. I just want her to back off..._way_ off."

Both Charlotte and Peter were aware of how close Alice as, but being that she had been _my _companion for over sixty years, and the fact that neither of them usually questioned my choices, they left it up to me to decide Alice's fate.

"The baby." Her whisper wouldn't have been heard by Ethan, but I didn't answer out loud. Instead, I nodded my assent, and her lips pressed together in a tight line. "I don't agree with what you did." My short growl of warning had her tiny hand flying upward to silence me. "Let me finish, Jasper. I may not agree, but I _understand_."

"I fucked up," I mumbled, rubbing my hand across my face.

Charlotte's hard sigh filled the empty space around us. "She'll move on, it's only natural, but you be sure to watch for those lies when they come nipping at your ass."

Didn't I fucking know it.

.

.

.

I passed the border line of Alice's territory without hesitation. I knew she'd see my decision to come and figured she'd make it as easy as possible. Of course, the bitch always had to disappoint me and my ideas.

Her scent lingered everywhere, the telltale signs of territorial markings quite obvious for any vampire to see, but she wasn't coming out to play just yet.

"Alice!" I shouted. It echoed back to be. "Where the fuck are you?"

A black streak, and a quick shot of aggravated emotions, flew by me in my peripheral vision to my left. I shot after the female at lightening speeds. Her trail of scent, and her emotions, led me further into the maze of forest before disappearing altogether. I stopped, shocked, and looked around, subtly feeling out her emotional signature.

Before I could pinpoint the direction, the crunch of a shoe had me spinning in a half circle to face the noise behind me.

"I'm awfully quiet when I need to be," Alice explained quietly while I hissed in anger.

She looked much the same; not a single speck of dirt on her or even a hair out of place for that matter. I eyed her carefully, wondering if I'd made a mistake in confronting her. It wasn't as if I was concerned for my safety, but I didn't need to return with a few new bite marks to explain and smelling like burning vampire flesh and venom—not to mention a _female's_ venom. I was positive that wouldn't go over mightily well with Ethan.

Her eyebrow rose, and she huffed impatiently. "Do you want to know of the child, inquire after his new family?"

"No," I answered simply. "I need you to back your lines the hell up. You're too close to our home. It wasn't like I fucking planned on your annoying ass watching over the baby, and I already have enough to deal with without Ethan or Bella figuring out just who lives close by. I get what you're doing, Alice, and I have to respect it because it's the right thing for you to do, but I don't have to fucking like you for it. "

Black eyes stared back at me, but I noticed the small rim of gold around her pupils. "You're still hunting animals?" I mused, shocked. "God, _why_?"

Her back straightened, and for a moment she felt insulted. "Mind your business," she snapped back hatefully.

"Whatever," I dismissed. "Watch your damned lines, Alice. Peter doesn't take fucking kindly to anyone coming close, and he sure won't take any issue with ending ones that border what he considers ours, especially _yours_."

Alice picked at her fingernails, effectively portraying how bored she was with my warnings. "Anything else?"

"I don't think I need to repeat it all over again."

Her eyes met mine. "Nope, Jas, I got it the first time. Back up lines, watch the baby, stay clear of Bella, be aware of Peter, and don't taunt you. I _think _I got it."

"Don't think, fucking _do_," I snarled.

Isabella would kill me if she knew what I was allowing Alice to do, not to mention where she was. I had to thank who-the-fuck-ever for her not knowing Alice's scent, and for the fact that she hadn't gotten close enough to get a whiff of a female vampire nearby who had put up permanent territorial lines. My mate would be curious _and_ jealous. There wouldn't be a thing to hold her back.

It was just another lie added to the web.

I watched the black haired, tiny vampire in front of me cautiously. Defiantly, Alice stared back, not bothered a bit by my words or actions.

"Good luck with the Volturi," she said, smiling. "Now, get off my fucking land, Jasper."

.

.

.

I hit up a small doe on the way back to the house, effectively erasing any lingering scent of Alice from my clothes. Ethan was wandering about on the back lawn when I finally returned.

"I said some pretty shitty stuff," he muttered when I approached.

I shrugged and looked at the boy warily. What was he getting at? "She understands, I'm sure, Ethan."

His head shook slowly, and he sighed deeply. Confusing emotions and nervousness flowed from him. "No, not Bella; _you_. I said some pretty shitty stuff about you, and sometimes about Peter, but that doesn't matter because I tell him shitty stuff all the time, anyway. He pisses me off, often. But I said stuff about you 'cause I didn't know the truth."

"I deserved a lot of it," I murmured, not meeting his eyes.

Ethan nodded and shifted on his feet. His human habits had never left, apparently. "But see, I know where I stand with Charlotte, or Bella, and hell, even my relationship with Peter can be categorized. Not you, though. You just scare me. You make me feel unwelcome, like I don't belong in this coven. If you—"

"We're a family," I said, steeling my gaze on him. I felt guilty because he was right. I hadn't used him well, and half the time I didn't bother to try. "We are _not _just a coven. And let me make myself perfectly clear, Ethan, so we don't have to do this again, all right?" He nodded, so I continued. "If I didn't want you here, I would have made you leave. I won't do that, though, because you matter to the people around us, including me. I train the shit out of you, and push you hard, just like Peter, because I want to know that if you need to defend what is ours, you'd do it, and that you'd be safe doing it. Like my mate, for example, or Charlotte."

"So..."

I put my hands up, warning him to stop speaking, and he did, begrudgingly. "I'm sorry I'm a fucking asshole, and not really an easy person to relate to, but I don't dislike you, kid. I just... Hell, it took Peter years to get me to speak to him. I know I make you feel unwelcome, but it's not you so much as it's everything else around you." I sighed in aggravation, trying to figure out how to explain it to him correctly without blaming him altogether. It wasn't _his _fault. "It's the newborn fascination—the anger, the issues, the memories...and everything that comes hand in hand with that. I didn't want to raise newborns again, and here I am with _two_. So, forgive me if I get irritated, or snappy, or sometimes a little _aggressive_. It just comes easily because it's second nature."

The sad look on his face was hard not to notice. Half the time, I didn't need my gift to understand what Ethan was feeling, since he wore it on his sleeve, but he was a good kid.

I wanted to give him the truth, so I did. "And I promised your mother. I didn't need to, but I'm going to damn well take care of you for her." His head snapped up at those words, his mouth opening to form a question though none came. "It's not your fault," I finished saying.

"What isn't?" he asked back.

"The way I sometimes treat you, what happened to your family, your change...everything you walk around blaming yourself for."

I waited as he mulled my words over. I expected him to ask more about his mother, but he didn't. "Okay," he finally murmured, his eyes watching the ground.

My smile was genuine. "Okay."

.

.

.

One day passed, then half of another. I knew they'd have landed. How long they would have to wait, I was unsure. I couldn't take the irritation of the waiting. I paced outside, and cleared a small spot in the forest because of my anger, and then showed Ethan how to work the television remotes.

Eventually, I found myself wandering along through the woods again, my anxiety at an all-time high.

_Why haven't they called? _

I rubbed my hands on my face, groaning at where my thoughts were going. When my phone rang in my pocket, I jumped in surprise before fumbling like an idiot with the damned device to open it and answer the call.

I knew who it was without looking at the number. "Peter!"

"Yeah, Jas. We're, uh...out of the castle," he muttered.

Wind rushed the speakers of the phone as he spoke. I could tell he was running. "Why are you running? What the hell happened? Is everything okay? Where the fuck is Isabella?" I shot question after question out, and Peter didn't miss a beat.

"Everything went fine. Aro likes her, but that was to be expected. I can't really explain it, but they just let us go after barely any time at all. She's all right, just—"

"_Just what_?" I bit out, teeth clenched, my nerves frayed and spiraling out of control.

"She's running, Jasper. That's why we're not on that fancy fucking plane coming back home right now. I think she's a runner, and if that's the case, she's not going to stop until she gets to you."

"_What?_"

I knew what he meant, but it was crazy to think about. Runners were rare. I'd never met one, but Peter and Charlotte had once. Runners were the half-assed nickname Peter had come up with for vampires who felt the pull to their mate in worrying situations, no matter how far away from the other they were. They could—and _would_—find the other half without any help, other than the direction their own instincts pulled them. Not just any vampire could feel it, and Carlisle had once speculated it may be brought on when one was under extreme duress and needed the security, comfort, and love of the other.

The reality hit me like a tonne of bricks, and I wanted to drop to my knees and kiss the fucking ground. She wanted _me_.

I heard Peter's voice in the background, and it brought me out of my very happy revelation. He was repeating what he said before, but I only really cared about the end.

"Jas, she's a _runner."_


	37. Chapter 37

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those I have created, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 37: Chapter 37**

* * *

**Beta'd by JaspersDestiny. Pre-read by TheLyricalCutie and Becky03.**

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**Bella POV**

I fucking _despised _everything. I hated the sounds of the cars, the pavement I walked across, the heartbeats pounding in my ears, the teasing scents of the few humans milling about, and I _really _hated Peter for locking my arms behind my back and forcing me up the stairs to load me into the plane like I was a fucking criminal.

Every sight, scent, and sound was far too much to handle. Hell, until this, I thought I had been doing well and making progress with my bloodlust, when all I _really _wanted to do was slaughter the shit out of something or someone to make myself feel better.

_I'm sorry. I tried. The house. I'm so sorry. I watched it. I'm sorry. _

Jasper's voice saying the words that effectively decimated any humanity I had left played on repeat in my mind, almost like a record of agony that I wanted to smash to bits but couldn't. Even with the thick rush of the bloodlust haze curling around in my mind and turning me into an animal fighting to feed, I could still feel the near-overpowering grief pounding in the background.

Apparently, one human saw the way the snarling, wild looking girl was forced onto the plane and demanded an explanation. I wanted to get off and laugh in their faces before I ripped open their throats and let them see just how wild I could be.

The faintest trace human essence reached my nose and tickled my tongue once more. I bucked against Peter's hold, and he snarled in response.

"Easy my motherfucking sparkly ass," Peter spat at Carlisle.

He released my arms suddenly and shoved my back hard, propelling my body forward. I stopped near the middle of the small jet and turned in a low crouch. I grasped the two plush seats on either side of the aisle, tearing through the expensive leather easily as I growled.

Peter snarled back as a warning. Our pilot was a vampire, and he sighed in obvious aggravation before slipping out the opened door and quickly gliding down the stairs, back to the pavement. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched from the small porthole window as the pilot faced the questioning human.

Just a taste would satisfy me, maybe. Who would see? Peter would clean it up_. _

_I'm sorry...so sorry._

"Sit down!" Peter ordered.

My snarl was cut off by my own curiosity as I watched the pilot pull out a rather large roll of money from the inside of his jacket before it disappeared into the human's hand. Shocked human eyes looked up at the windows of the plane in confusion.

The pilot tapped his watch. "No more questions," I heard him say. The baffled but happier human nodded in response.

I hissed as the pilot turned on his heels and swiftly returned to the plane at a speed acceptable for human eyes. "Stupid, prying blood bags," he muttered, his voice heavy with his accent, before shutting the door to the plane. The action effectively cut off any more of that heavenly scent from reaching me.

Although I could still hear the faint thumping of the human's heart, my body almost immediately relaxed. Once Peter was satisfied with my situation, he waved at Carlisle and Esme, who quickly chose their seats.

Peter eyed me warily before letting out a long sigh. "You think you'll be okay for takeoff?"

I swallowed the never-ending pool of venom flowing in my mouth and nodded. "I think so," I replied hoarsely.

A clapping of hands interrupted our exchange and had me glaring at the pilot, who grinned back at me with a toothy smile. "Well, then, off we go! Aro will be pleased you managed to refrain from causing any unnecessary clean-up by slaughtering the humans..."

Peter rolled his eyes, and Esme chuckled before peering back down at a magazine she'd picked up from the side table that was secured to the floor beside her seats. Who the hell needed a plane like this anyway? Every inch of it screamed excessive and over-the-top. Nothing about it was impressive, just overindulgent.

I growled at the pilot, despising his mocking tone.

He smiled again, contact colored eyes leering at me. "_Yet_, of course," he teased.

I _hated_ him.

"Can we please get this show on the road?" Peter asked, turning his gaze back on me and nodding at the seat beside him. Reluctantly, I sat down and curled my legs up under myself. He gave me a soft, sympathizing smile. "Good girl."

When the pilot disappeared to the front of the plane and the cockpit door clicked shut, Peter pulled out the small backpack he'd previously thrown under the seats and handed it to me.

"Open it. Char...Well, she didn't really know how to...uh..." I could almost feel the awkwardness rolling off him. It was very unlike Peter.

Of course, the agony inside my mind was unlike anything I'd ever felt before, either, so I guess no one really knew how to react to me. It put them all out of their element, except for maybe Esme. Carlisle and Esme both had their attention focused on other things in an attempt to give us some semblance of privacy in the small space. I couldn't have been more grateful to Esme and the way she was helping me. She had a better understanding of my current feelings and situation than anyone else around me.

"She wanted to try to help make this plane ride a bit easier on you," Peter finished quietly. "First time flying isn't easy, especially for a young vampire."

Quickly, I pulled the bag from the floor, trying to ignore the pounding grief in the back of my mind. I unzipped it and peered inside before reaching in and pulling out what Charlotte had packed at the very top for me. I couldn't help the small smile from flitting across my lips. She had somehow managed to print every picture off the small camera that held many of my memories. I shuffled through a few of them silently.

The pilot came over the speakers, making announcements that I didn't care very much about. I tried to tune him out while I continued looking over the pictures.

_"...a small, private airport close to the outskirts of Volterra. Arrival time approximately..."_

When the plane's giant engines roared to life, I dropped the photos–half from shock and half from pain–and immediately covered my ears, trying to dull the offending noise.

"Holy shit!" I cried, squeezing my eyes shut.

"It gets better." Carlisle's soft assurance didn't help.

I whimpered a bit when the plane began moving. I sensed Peter moving in front of me, and I just barely opened my eyes to see him holding out the now neatly stacked photos I had dropped. Hesitantly, I dropped my hands and grabbed the pile, tightly grasping onto them as the noise surrounding me had my teeth clenching.

Peter nodded at the pictures and shot me another sympathetic smile. "Try focusing on them, Sugar."

I did try for a while, but it didn't really help. Instead, I scooted closer to the window, closed my eyes, and allowed the roaring of the engines to deafen me, allowing the grief I had been holding at bay to finally take over.

Somehow, _that_ felt better.

.

.

.

As soon as the plane landed on the private airstrip outside Volterra, everyone was suddenly moving much more quickly. Peter was calling Charlotte. Esme and Carlisle were packing whatever they'd removed from their small bags. Two sleek, black, and darkly tinted cars followed either side of the plane as it jerked down the small landing strip. I couldn't help but notice the sunlight brightly lighting the outside, and I wondered how the pilot managed to land without any humans seeing his skin sparkling like diamonds. That was answered as soon as the plane came to a slow stop inside a large hangar, hiding us from the sunlight. The pilot exited the cockpit pulling a cloth mask from his face as he shot us all a sly smile.

His dark hair reminded me of Jasper's dyed curls. I flinched as agonizing grief swelled within me once again.

_I'm sorry._

"Not a bad landing, if I do say so myself," pilot-man bragged.

Peter closed his phone and shot the pilot a look. "We could have done without the three bounces, I think."

Yes, three bounces that had me ripping new holes in those precious, plush leather seats.

The pilot ignored Peter and directed his attention to a now standing Carlisle and Esme. "I assume you noticed the sun as well as the two cars that followed as soon as we touched down?" They nodded in response. "Good. I was told to tell you to expect Demetri, Felix, and Alec to escort you."

"Where is the other witch twin?" Peter grumbled. "Not that I'm complaining."

Ah, Jane; the one who caused fire to burn in your mind with a single look. I could have done without that tidbit of information on the plane, as if I wasn't already bothered enough. I really hated when I knew too much shit for my own good. Being in the dark about vampiric pre-teens who enjoyed causing pain to others was probably not a good idea, though, and it was definitely on my list of things to stay away from.

Of course, the others weren't too worried about me when it came to Jane. They believed my shield would protect me from her, though I wasn't so inclined to test that theory out.

The pilot gave a low growl at Peter's words. Peter didn't look a bit bothered by it. "You would be wise to watch your tone. The brothers don't appreciate favorites being...disrespected."

My attention was drawn away by the loud thud of a heartbeat, erratic with fear. It filled my senses and made my mouth water with sweet venom.

"What–" Peter's question was cut off by my hungry growl. I moved toward the still closed doorway of the plane, but I was blocked off by Peter. Did he want another fucking standoff? I was _thirsty_. "What in the hell is the idea of bringing a human here? They know she's a fucking newborn!" Peter shouted. It echoed in the small space.

"There are many humans working at the farthest end of the small airport," the pilot quickly explained. "Aro thought it best she feed before making the trip through here, and he also considered the many humans she would encounter on the way to Volterra, so feeding her into submission will help with those issues. You do not agree?"

I agreed! My nodding head caught both of their attention, and the pilot chuckled. "Peter, I'm thirsty," I hissed.

Carlisle made a face five feet away, and Esme placed her hand on his shoulder in comfort. "I'd prefer to stay on the plane while she feeds, if that's allowed."

"That's not a problem, Carlisle," a deep voice replied outside the plane's walls. The new voice made me jump.

Carlisle smiled slightly. "Ah, that would be the voice of Demetri, Bella. He isn't so bad, mostly."

Three distinct chuckles followed.

A new voice–younger than the first–sounded. "Come on, bring the baby out. She'll feel better when she feeds, I'm sure." The owner of that voice seemed younger than me. Where did he get off calling me a baby?

My snarls filled the cabin, and more chuckles followed. I was becoming more enraged by the minute.

Peter eyed me warily, seeing my growing frustration. "That's just great, taunt the fucking newborn," he muttered. "I hope she breaks this fucking plane apart more than she already has, as Bella is _very _likely to do it when pressed. And I shouldn't even need to mention how stressed this trip has already made her."

Movement followed Peter's words. I crept slowly forward when footsteps approached the stairs that had been pushed over to the side of the plane. The hiss of the door opening and the slight shift of air blowing in caused me to freeze for only a second. When the heavenly scent of human blood curled around me, I flew out of the plane–avoiding the stairs completely–to find the location of the sweet ambrosia.

Behind me, I noticed a large vampire with black hair talking to Peter in the doorway. Two other male vampires stood twenty feet in front of me with a bound and gagged human knelt down between them.

Venom slipped through my gritted teeth and cascaded down my chin. Natural instincts screamed for me to take the meal, but I didn't want to fight for it, either. The two males, though one was obviously far younger in human age than me, certainly looked like they could take me on, especially the big one. But they had said the human was for me, right?

I crept forward, and the younger one gave me a small smile and waved toward himself with one hand, beckoning me closer, keeping the other firmly planted on the human's shoulder. "Alec," he said, introducing himself. "This is Felix." The young boy pointed up at the disinterested vampire looming above him.

My black eyes narrowed at the human. The tied up, bruised, and terrified human male probably should have bothered me, but I was too thirsty to care. I hissed, and the human shook at the sound.

Felix looked down at the human with a raised brow before sniffing at the air. "Nice, you made him piss himself. That does not make for a pleasant meal."

Alex rolled his eyes and pushed the human toward me. Both vampires, sensing my hesitation and distrust of them, turned their backs before I leapt forward at the human. I was too fast for him to see, my fingers breaking an arm when I grabbed him as he screamed behind the gag in his mouth. Quickly, I broke his neck, not wanting to listen to his screams or deal with his struggle. My mouth buried into the crook of his neck, and I pierced through his flesh immediately.

The blood flowed. Hushed whispers surrounded me as I curled the human body closer to mine, warning off everyone else from my meal. My body relaxed as I took my fill of blood.

For a moment, the heartache and grief took a backseat while the animal took over.

.

.

.

The one named Demetri shot me a disapproving look, and he shook his head as I idly played with my now bloodstained shirt. "You made a mess," he snapped.

I thought Carlisle said he wasn't so bad? I sneered arrogantly at the vampire.

Peter decided to come to my rescue. "Leave her be. She's only a couple months old. How clean were _you _then?"

Demetri ignored him and turned his attention to Alec, who was carefully placing the body of the human inside a black sack. He zipped the bag quickly and nodded to the pilot to take it away when he was finished.

"Drop it far over the ocean. Make sure it's in shark waters. That'll take care of that issue. As for this mess..." he waved his arms at the blood splattered filled cement floor as he talked, "...Aro will send someone later for it. Keep the hangar doors locked tight. The human workers know they aren't permitted in this particular hangar."

He turned back to Demetri, and I was bothered by how _un_bothered the young boy seemed by their blatant disregard for the human they'd kidnapped. Of course, I wasn't any different, but it was obvious now why Carlisle hadn't wanted to be privy to the scene.

Alec spoke again, directing a sharp reprimand at Demetri. "What the hell is wrong with you? Try not to antagonize the baby, Demetri. Aro won't take kindly if we need to fight to get her to the castle."

"I can't feel her print," Demetri snapped hatefully.

Alec's shock was clear on his features. "Really?" He sounded almost excited.

"Excuse me?" Peter asked from beside me as he dug through the opened backpack that was mine. "What does _her print _mean exactly?"

"My ability is to track. I feel the print in your mind and can find you anywhere once I have it. I got yours easily enough," Demetri explained to Peter.

Peter tensed and gripped the backpack in his hands tighter. "Well isn't that fantastic!" The sarcasm oozed. I snorted, trying to suppress the giggle bubbling up in my throat.

Demetri smiled at us, eyeing Peter carefully. "Be a good vampire, and I won't need to find you then."

Peter pulled a black t-shirt from my backpack and handed it to me before responding to Demetri's snide comment. "Finding me is the easy part. The rest would not be, I promise you."

He wouldn't be baited, and I couldn't help but feel proud of him. Jasper would be proud, too, but just thinking his name brought the pain back again. I frowned immediately as I pulled my bloody shirt off, not caring about the others seeing my bra, and I put on the black shirt I knew was Jasper's. Even though I was hurting, his scent brought me a little comfort—something I didn't like admitting to myself.

Felix, apparently not liking the turn of the conversation, decided to put his two cents in as well. "That's why I would be there, vampire."

Peter eyed him up and down before shrugging, still unbothered. "My name is Peter." He pointed at me. "This is Bella. Those over there are Carlisle and Esme. Try to remember that. We are guests, not prisoners, so a semblance of respect would be nice."

"I _know_ who you are," Felix replied, his eyes narrowing with an emotion I couldn't place.

A look between both men caused Carlisle to clear his throat and shoot a pointed look at Alec and Demetri. The pilot had disappeared into the plane with the body. I wondered how long it would take before he took the body out to make it disappear into the ocean.

Alec waved me over with his head tilted to the left a bit. I walked a step away from Peter as a fine mist slowly crept along the floor of the hangar.

"Alec!" Demetri growled.

"It will not work," Carlisle warned distantly from behind me.

Peter watched on, confused, but he didn't move.

Alec shushed both men as the mist curled around my feet before disappearing completely. He looked at me with a mixture of amusement and aggravation. I found it odd how someone could feel both those emotions at the same time.

"Well, see, Dem? She's just fine. No harm, no foul. Aro will like that. Jane..." his voice trailed off, and I suddenly understood where the aggravation was stemming from. "Well, her feelings won't much matter, I suppose. It's about time someone is immune to her torture, regardless of her anger. I think that'll be quite a sight."

A whoosh of air released from my lungs. That was a relief, even if Peter and Carlisle had promised my shield would work.

The words that had passed between Peter and Felix had obviously not been forgotten once Alec's little show was over. Peter, still not liking the challenge in Felix's previous words, couldn't help but have the last word.

"Oh, and Felix? It's good that you know me, seeing as you should realize then that it puts us on very _equal _grounds."

Well, _that_ was rather clear, I thought.

.

.

.

Peter and I sat in silence in the back of one of the foreign cars. Alec and Demetri were to escort us in one car while Felix drove the other, with Esme and Carlisle as his passengers. With my hands in my lap, I rested my cheek against the tinted glass window and tried to focus on anything other than the empty feeling that was settling harshly in my heart.

My child was dead. The _only _child I would ever have was gone forever. And to my mind's and heart's horrid displeasure, the innocent little boy hadn't even been graced with the dignity of going easily. Instead, Lysen had been unfairly punished with what I could only assume was a very painful death, although others had pointed out, as delicately as they could, that it most likely would have been quick.

The semantics didn't make a difference to me. The ending was still the same: Lysen had died.

I didn't blame my mate for my son's death, although I could if I wanted to in some warped way. I understood, in my heart, that he had tried everything he could to save him, but the ending just wasn't what he had planned. I _could _blame Jasper, but I didn't. Instead, the anger and grief I held for my mate stemmed from the fact that he had _lied _to me. He had deftly led me to believe my child was okay, and my heart had sung him the hero without ever questioning his words.

How could I ever trust him again when he'd lied so easily about something so important?

I still missed him, but I wanted so desperately to _hate _him. How was it fair that behind my pain and rage I could still feel guilt for wanting him with me? And in wanting that alone, what exactly did that make me?

It hurt to know I still loved him, but then again, it didn't.

And suddenly, I hated myself just a little bit more.

I tried to swallow back my grief. Peter, seeing my obvious distress, threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to his side. The familiar tinge of hazelnut in his scent helped a bit. My eyes closed for a second, and I tried to relax my constricting throat.

Nothing was working, and a low cry forced its way out. Peter's other arm swung around, and he pulled me into his chest before his grip around my frame tightened.

My cries grew louder, more anguished. "Shh," Peter murmured against my hair. "It's okay, Sugar."

The two vampires shifted uncomfortably in the front seat, but their movement barely registered with me. "Pull over," Alec ordered quietly. Confusion, and a touch of sympathy, colored his young voice.

The tires crunched against gravel as we rolled to a stop. My cries turned into heaving sobs as Peter continued his soft mantra again and again. The other car, which had been following behind us, pulled in and stopped as well, but no one got out. They wouldn't need to since it was likely they could probably hear what was going on anyway. Other than Peter's quiet voice and my sobs, no one spoke a word during my emotional breakdown.

Our car's engine hadn't been turned off, though I did feel the shift of gears as Demetri put the car in park. I heard the low rumble of another car passing on the other side of the road, filled with three distinct human heartbeats. Other than a trickling burn in my throat, the usual bloodlust-filled haze was kept at bay for the moment. Feeding me stupid had apparently been a wise idea.

Demetri's calm voice filled my ears. "We need to move. This is not a good time of day to be here. Many will now be returning home from their work."

"One more minute, Demetri," Alec said, his voice thick with his accent. "Give her just a moment more."

I didn't want to be here. My guilt at how I had left things the way I did with Jasper was eating me alive. The grieving half of my mind, the part clinging to the barely there memories of my dead son, couldn't let go. I couldn't help but wonder if the pain would ever go away.

My chest tightened, my throat constricted, and my mind began screaming for me to go home. I could suddenly feel the heavy weight of that realization beating down on my soul.

I didn't even speak to him when I left! And, my God, I missed him, regardless of what had been done.

I _needed _Jasper. I _had _to get back to him. "I want to go home," I wailed to Peter.

Peter sighed. "Soon, Bella."

My body shuddered. _Soon _just wouldn't be fast enough. I forced myself to breathe, and eventually the sobbing stopped.

_Home. _

_Jasper. _

My mind raged. I could feel a deep pulsing sensation echoing out a direction I should move toward.

Somehow I knew that direction was my home.

I sat up straight when Peter finally released his arms from my body. "_I need to go home_," I stressed.

Pity filled his eyes. "Soon," he repeated with more force.

Alec's eyes met Peter's as he turned in his seat to face him. "May we continue?"

Peter only nodded in response, watching me as I rested my head back against the glass. I stared, feeling uneasy, out the window at the foreign land in before me. I felt wrong. My world was now tilted on its axis. The sky wasn't the right shade of blue, and the slight brush of wind hitting the frame of the car didn't hum the correct sound.

What was wrong?

Home.

_I'm sorry... _

The car lurched forward, and we were moving toward Volterra once again. The car behind us followed suit without hesitating.

Alec leaned forward in his seat and gazed out the windshield. "We're not far. Only a few minutes away now."

I looked over Demetri's large shoulder and saw the faint outline of a small city, the large walls surrounding it seemingly protecting the people within. I forced back my bitter laughter at the sight. Didn't the stupid humans realize that what they needed protection from the most was already hidden inside?

Demetri sped up a bit at Alec's next words. "I'll let you in on the few rules we have here before we enter the city. No scenes to expose what we are. No fighting. Show respect. And there is to be absolutely _no feeding _on any humans who are residents of Volterra. Breaking the first or last rule will automatically result in a punishment of death." Alec tapped his fingers on the dashboard, seeming anxious the closer we got to his home. "Clear enough?"

"Like lookin' through a crystal," Peter drawled sarcastically. "They order a newborn into a city filled with yummy humans and then lay down rules like that. Will she at least go out with a bang?"

I tried to ignore Peter's words, knowing he was being critical of the other vampires' leaders' choices, but I still stiffened at his words. It didn't escape his notice, either. "Sorry," he muttered beside me.

Demetri looked in the rear-view mirror and rolled his eyes. "Alec neglected to mention we won't be going directly into the city, per se." He shot the boy beside him a look I couldn't decipher, not that I cared much. I didn't plan on seeing any of the Volturi again once I left this fucking place. "He sometimes forgets himself."

Alec shrugged callously but took up explaining where Demetri left off. "My apologies." Oh yes, and he sounded _so_ sincere. "Actually, we'll be going _under _the city. My sister will meet us there."

Disgust was clearly present on Peter's face. "Yay," he muttered.

Alec turned quickly in his seat and glared at Peter before a short burst of mist curled around Peter, causing him to fall limp against his seat. His eyes were open, but he stared blankly at nothing. I suddenly found myself wishing I better understood how to control my shield. I shrieked and grabbed onto his arm, hissing at the childlike vampire in the front seat. Demetri snarled and pulled on the dark shirt the boy was wearing, slamming him back into his seat. Peter jumped back into alertness with a roar of anger, trying to claw his way past me as I held him back from getting to Alec.

"No fighting!" Demetri snarled.

"We're not in the city yet!" Peter shouted back.

Alec sneered, the little twist of his face making him look like an overindulged child who had just received something he was told he couldn't have. "You think _that_ was bad? You better _pray _you don't feel what my sister can do!"

"Alec!"

Peter settled back into his seat with a huff. He nodded at me to indicate he was fine and then threw a short growl at the boy. "You are but a child to me. The only reason you're able to survive is because of your gift. Without it, you wouldn't last two damned seconds in my world, kid. _Pray_ you never lose it."

"That's not even possible," Alec spat out, not turning back around to face Peter.

A distinct chuckle from Demetri held all of our attention. "Watch what you say, Alec, _Murphy's Law_ and all that." Alec's jaw snapped shut with a very audible pop. "Be thankful you even have a gift. You shouldn't be abusing it on Aro's guests. He won't be pleased."

_Guests, my ass._

Peter smirked in a smug fashion beside me, and I rolled my eyes. This was all stupid. I suddenly felt the urge to go home again, but I knew it wasn't possible yet.

_Home. Home. Home._

Alec let out a low whine, showing his obvious human age. "He insulted my sister."

Demetri scoffed. "How many vampires do you know that enjoyed meeting her? Be realistic, Alec. She's got some issues, the tales of which, I am sure, are still being spread among our kind as a terrifying warning."

"That's an understatement," Peter grumbled.

The teen vampire growled. "Shut up!" I heard a loud laugh from the car travelling two feet behind us. "Damn it, Felix, quit your laughing!" That statement only caused the laughter to get louder.

A few short seconds later, Demetri jerked the car off the paved highway and onto a bumpy dirt road. It led out into a field, where the road continued farther on before it began to curve into the side of a small mountain. Demetri pulled the car to a lurching stop almost immediately once we started into the road.

"Felix, take the lead, please," Demetri ordered loudly from within our car.

Without hesitation, the sleek black car behind us skillfully manoeuvred the road and slowly continued along ahead. Peter and I stayed silent as Demetri eyed Alec with disapproval.

"Do you need a minute to calm yourself before we continue?" he asked the boy. "Because if we have to go into the lower entrance with you in an obvious fit, your sister is likely to start throwing her own tantrum. Just how pleased do you expect the Masters will be if they need to be called down from the castle to order Jane into submission because you were simply _offended_?"

Oh, so it was no longer Aro anymore; it was _the Masters_. I wanted to scoff at the stupid males in front of me. Lambs, meet the slaughter. It'd be a cold day in Hell before I ever referred to anyone as my fucking Master.

Alec slumped sideways in his seat, looking thoroughly scolded. Demetri immediately seemed happier by Alec's reaction. The younger vampire grumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

"Pardon?"

"I said I am fine," Alec snapped.

Demetri smiled coldly in response. "Good."

Our car began its slow trek up the dirt road once more. A large door–designed to look like the rock's surrounding it–came into view, which was now swiftly closing shut as the car Felix was driving disappeared beneath it.

Demetri noticed my dumbfounded gaze when he looked in the rear-view mirror. "Neat trick, hmm?" he asked me. My eyes only narrowed back at him. He continued explaining anyway, not caring if I had a response to give. "For the most part, it goes largely unnoticed by human eyes from this distance, and unless they're right up on it, they can't really tell the difference."

Surprisingly, Peter hummed his approval at the hidden doorway. "Why would you need it here though?"

Demetri looked pointedly at me in the mirror again. "For times like this, or say...if the Masters have ordered us out on a mission and we need to bring a vampire or two back for judgement in person. It's better than a possible scene being caused in the city's square."

"My gift of being able to keep them subdued helps, of course," Alec added with a smirk.

He was such a _child._ Demetri ignored him, explaining more of the hidden passage to us. "It's a large garage where we keep our travel vehicles as well as some personal vehicles...or toys, if you will. There is a large network of underground tunnels that leads to different areas of the castle. You will only be taken through one, which will lead to a waiting room before your meeting with our Masters."

Peter smiled knowingly beside me. "In case of an attack, you've got escape routes." It didn't escape my notice that he'd ignored the last bit completely.

Demetri nodded. "For that, yes."

As we pulled up to the closed rock-face door, Demetri put the car in park as the door slowly began to open. Quickly, both vampires in the front opened separate compartments of the car and pulled out large black cloaks, the Volturi emblem clear on the breast of each, before swiftly pulling the material over their heads. Peter shot me a look at the sight. When the door was halfway opened, revealing the waiting vampires within, Demetri put the car in drive and hit the gas, driving under the now rapidly closing door.

I took a deep breath and eyed the two unknown vampires who were standing outside our vehicle with Felix, Carlisle, and Esme. Once again, the feeling of needing to find my home was beating through strongly. I didn't want to be here. I needed to find Jasper and make what I had done wrong right. I wanted to leave so badly.

Peter shot me a tentative smile, but it didn't look so sincere. "We'll be all right," he muttered, once Demetri and Alec exited the car.

"Okay," I whispered.

Peter opened his door and climbed out, leaning back in to offer me his hand. Carlisle and Esme were speaking quietly to one another and ignoring the others around them almost completely. Demetri and Felix were now chuckling to one another while Felix eyed me with what looked like appreciation.

I watched as Peter pushed me slightly behind him when he noticed as well.

"Yes, she is rather...out of the ordinary, fascinating even," Felix agreed, watching me with approving eyes.

I held back a shudder and a snarl. I really didn't like the way that sounded, and I silently wished Jasper were here. Peter growled low at Felix's words.

"Her mate thinks so too," Peter replied with a bite to his tone. The two vampires eyed Peter warily, obviously wondering the truth in his words. "I'm sure he'll be _delighted_ that you find her as attractive as he does."

The warning was received, and both vampires quickly averted their eyes. I shot Peter a grateful smile, but he was still watching the other two with a venom-filled stare.

It was then that I noticed Alec hissing to a smaller, blonde vampire who looked as young as he was. Their only difference was their hair color, really. They were practically twins. My eyes widened as her glare turned on Felix across the polished cement floor. In a half second, the large vampire was arched in an abnormal way, his mouth opening in a silent scream and his eyes black and staring at the ceiling. I slapped a hand over my mouth to stop the scream I almost let loose.

I felt Peter's hand grip my arm as my shield snapped about my body from the stress and fear surrounding me.

My God, what was she doing to him?

In a spit second, the large vampire fell to his back on the floor, snarling and hissing as his fists beat the cement on either side of him before he jumped to his feet. Felix pointed his finger at the girl. "You little bitch!" he roared.

I flinched when the tiny little blonde vampire smiled sweetly back at him. Even with her trying to bait him, he didn't make a move to attack her. I was shocked. I was still trying to hold back the shudders of fear crawling up my spine. What if she tried to do that to Peter?

Demetri glared at Alec. "You just couldn't resist, could you?" Alec shrugged before turning his smile on Peter with a look of knowing in his eyes.

The tiny girl turned in our direction and smiled as well, her head tilting a bit as she eyed me with a single raised brow.

My hands shook at my sides. The pulsing directional pull for home began screaming again. I forced my feet to stay planted on the ground. I _really_ needed to go home.

"Hello," her tinkling voice sang. "I'm Jane."


	38. Chapter 38

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those I have created for my plot, are the property of Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 38: Chapter 38**

* * *

**Beta'd by JaspersDestiny. Pre-read by TheLyricalCutie and Becky03.**

* * *

**Bella POV**

"_Hello," her tinkling voice sang, "I'm Jane." _

Peter swallowed audibly beside me, but other than that, he showed no concern at the vicious display of Alec's twin. He had called them witch twins, and now, more so than before, it was obvious why. They were so young—no more than thirteen, if that—and watching the two smile so sickeningly sweet to one another after cruelly hurting their own coven mate like they had, it was...abnormal—and slightly terrifying.

When Jane walked closer to us, as if trying to inspect me, Peter pushed me behind his larger frame, effectively shutting out Jane's view to me. Even knowing my shield would no doubt keep me safe from Jane's gift, Peter's first priority was my safety. I stole a glance over Peter's shoulder at the young female, who was still smiling—tauntingly so—at us. Quickly, I popped back down, hidden from her view again.

Suddenly I felt the instinctual pounding in my chest again, attempting to force the turn of my body to run back where it would be safe for me to be. I could practically taste the flavour of what the air should feel like on my tongue, and the air here wasn't it. A prickly sensation crawled over my skin, and a clear memory of Jasper's scent wafted through my mind. I could feel the soft pressure of his hands travelling along my skin.

_He was my comfort, he was my home. _

"Oh, don't hide the baby," Jane teased lightly. There was that term again: _baby_. I bristled. "According to my brother, she's defective anyway."

"Not _defective_, a shield," Carlisle corrected quietly.

I heard Jane's hands clap excitedly at Carlisle's admittance. Trusting that I was calm enough not to be baited, I moved from behind the safety of Peter's frame. "Like Renata, but different!" Jane's voice went up a few octaves in her excitement. When she noticed me staring, her smile grew, and she directed her next comment to me. "You see, Renata cannot escape my or Alec's gifts. If you can, I'm probably correct in my assumption that it's a mental shield. May I see?"

I shook my head in response, and she frowned.

"You aren't able to project?" Alec suddenly asked, confused.

I shrugged. "No?"

Peter looked down at me in sympathy and patted my back lightly. "We assume she can, but she's only a couple months old. Most of her training has been spent on what she would need to be able to do and understand to get her here safely and without too much trouble," Peter explained.

Alec nodded and turned back to his sister. "She didn't do a single speck of damage to the car." He almost sounded appreciative.

"Well done," Jane praised me. "That's quite a feat for a young vampire."

Peter ignored their exchange. "But, Bella's mate _has _seen it, and she can—at times—project..."

"But only under extreme stress, from what we understand," Carlisle finished for Peter.

Jasper had wanted as little as possible explained about my confusing gift, believing if Aro knew what we knew, he would want to force me into staying in order to fully gain control of the shield. Both Carlisle and Peter respectfully disagreed with his reasoning. Instead, they believed the more the Volturi knew how little we understood the controlling my shield, the less they would be to bother me about it, hopefully perceiving it to be nothing more than a weak defence mechanism—especially since none of us had shown much desire in learning how to use it.

At Carlisle's words, Jane's face lit up brighter, as did Alec's at his sister's sudden joy. A look was shared between the siblings, and I could only decipher from their sly grins that they were scheming.

Were they bi-polar before they were changed or something?

Jane turned back to look at me again, her lips forming a smirk and her eyes gleaming with some hidden secret. "Well, then, stressful situations are something I'm good at causing."

When her gaze turned to Peter, instinct kicked in. I immediately moved to position myself in front of him, protecting him from her view as I pushed him back farther, crouching down low in preparation for an attack. I hissed viciously at the female. There was no chance in Hell I would ever allow her to torture Peter just to see if my shield would come out to play for her pleasure.

In truth, I had no real understanding of how Jane's gift worked, but I also didn't plan on finding out either.

"No," I snarled at her.

Jane and Alec laughed lightly. Peter stayed silent behind me, surprisingly, while Felix shook his head and Demetri snarled a warning directed at Jane.

"Don't," Demetri growled at the girl.

Jane's right eyebrow rose defiantly. "What! As if the baby could hurt me," she scoffed.

"It has nothing to do with fighting ability, Jane," Demetri snapped. "You're causing the girl unnecessary stress before her meeting with the Masters. Stop acting so immature."

"For the record," Peter added behind me, "your gift is useless against Bella. She trains for _hours _daily on fighting alone. Her mate survived nearly a century fighting wars, and I also spent several years with him fighting. She's a good fighter, probably more capable than most. Don't underestimate her ability based on her age."

Jane's red eyes rolled in response. She really was nothing more than a slip of a girl, barely beginning womanhood when she had been changed, and she reveled in the power of her gift. She seriously needed someone to beat her off whatever pedestal these vampires had placed her on. If their stupid rules weren't anything to truly heed, I'd gladly be the one to do it. It had been a long while since I'd had a good fight with Ethan.

I was starting to think more like Jasper by the minute.

"Bella's a little revved up now." Carlisle sighed, displeasure coloring his voice.

A frown appeared on his mate's face. She glared hatefully at the little blonde female but said nothing.

"S'all good, Sugar," Peter told me softly.

Slowly I came out of my defensive position, watching the siblings, who each wore matching smug expressions. "I'm sorry," I said to Peter, looking up at him to see if he was angry with me.

Instead, he wore a sly smile. "It's okay."

"I'm confused," Jane mused aloud. "I thought Edward was her mate. That was the impression I had been given, after the Denali vampire called the brothers to inform them of Bella's...humanness."

All I knew about the information that had been given to the Volturi was very little. Carlisle had explained the basics to me, but other than that, they promised the rest of the information once we arrived. Neither Jasper nor Carlisle thought it would be a good idea to give the brothers too much information upon which to sit and stew. They surmised that it would only leave them with too much to chew on while they came up with their own hypotheses as to what had happened and how they should deal with it instead of getting the complete truth all at once.

I really didn't care either way, but it had been pointed out to me that the Volturi weren't always known for their fairness in certain situations, and Aro was likely to look at the death of Edward as a supreme loss to the world of vampires.

I thought of it more as a gift.

"If the brothers didn't give you the information that we gave them, perhaps it's because they think it's none of your business," Esme told Jane, not hiding her disgust.

Jane's eyes flashed to Esme and narrowed slightly before Carlisle snarled low. "I wouldn't, Jane," he warned.

Esme's body snapped back, and she moved closer to Carlisle, though she didn't show any obvious fear. I shuddered at the thought that the angry girl might use her painful gift on Esme. It was obvious that Jane didn't care if we were guests or not, and it made it difficult to respect her when she lacked serious maturity.

"Then put a muzzle on it," Jane hissed back.

Esme's eyes widened in disbelief before her face turned into a mask of rage. "Excuse me?"

Carlisle shook his head and shushed her. I was just happy the focus was diverted from Peter and me for the moment. Demetri and Felix looked absolutely livid with the behaviour of their fellow guards, though it was funny, how they didn't bother to stop them completely. I had a feeling the twins ranked a bit higher in the guard than the other two.

Carlisle spoke again, watching his mate but directing his comments at Jane. "Hurting the mate of one of Aro's very old friends is not likely to gain you popularity points, Jane. I suggest you rein your attitude back a bit."

Jane pursed her lips and glared at Carlisle, but she didn't refute his words. By the expression on her face, as well as her brother's, it was obvious Carlisle had managed to hit some nerve. Eventually Jane released a loud sigh, eyeing her brother with what looked like boredom. Suddenly it seemed like their game was no longer fun for them anymore. I just thought they needed some serious discipline. They were nothing more than spoiled brats, as far as I could see.

Alec shrugged at his sister, and his pale hand waved at the rest of us. "You're no fun anymore, Carlisle," he said despondently.

Wisely, Carlisle chose to ignore the boy. "When are we expected to meet with the brothers?" he asked Demetri.

Demetri looked at the clock on the far wall. "It shouldn't be too long. A few hours, perhaps, maybe less." He shrugged. "Caius will be returning from his trip within a couple hours. Speaking of which, Felix and I need to leave immediately to retrieve him and Athenodora."

Carlisle looked puzzled. "At the same airport we arrived from? We could have waited."

"Not our choice to make," Felix explained. "And you must remember how Caius is about his wife. We mustn't put her in any stressful or dangerous situations." He almost sounded bitter, as if he were mocking his Master.

Jane and Alec shared a look at Felix's words but said nothing.

I finally stopped to take notice of the large in-ground garage we were standing in. Four matching, sleek black cars, with windows tinted so dark they looked like a night's sky, were lined up side by side, closest to the entrance of the garage. Two of those cars were the ones we had been brought in. Along the far left of the garage sat off-road vehicles. I assumed they were the toys. Over to the right of the garage held three luxury cars, none of which I knew the names to, but they all looked awfully pretty to me. Like most normal working garages, a hydraulic lift sat in the middle of the floor covered in grease and dirt. Ten large metal doors were scattered along the three walls, and where there weren't any doors, silver metal shelves and cabinets lined the walls instead.

It almost looked...normal, from the inside anyway. Sure, the room was huge, with a high rock-face ceiling, and filled to the brim with at least three million dollars' worth of vehicles, but I had a feeling this garage was the least threatening place to be in Volterra. Even the four Guard members seemed to enjoy being here, as if they were at ease in the space.

I couldn't help but wonder if they ever got to spend much time outside their confining Masters' grips, let alone actually use the pretty toys in the garage.

Peter's never-ending curiosity got the better of him. "I was under the impression that the wives never left the castle."

It sounded more like more a statement than a question. I couldn't help but wonder, too, considering everything Carlisle had ever said about the Volturi. According to him, Marcus' wife had been killed long ago, and Aro's and Caius' wives were kept securely locked away from any potential outside harm. That seemed like an exceedingly boring and overly controlled way to live. Why those females even allowed it, I couldn't even bother to take the time to try to understand it.

Carlisle made a disapproving sound as he shot Peter a look. It screamed, "Shut the fuck up." Peter only shrugged in response to the warning.

"Uh, well, they rarely ever do," Demetri finally answered, vaguely.

Jane scoffed. "Yes, always locked away in their perfect ivory towers."

Oh, a little bitter, are we?

Alec tossed his sister a smirk. "Athenodora has always been..."

"Fickle?" Jane suggested.

"I was thinking more like difficult to please."

I couldn't help but notice how the other two males were watching the siblings with matching expressions of amusement. Jane's and Alec's temperaments and attention switched to and fro with the abandon of a child. It was hard to guess from one moment to the next if they were happy, angry, or simply bored. And it was glaringly obvious how the two fed off one another, in what seemed to be a private game of fun between them.

I hated to admit it, but it was amusing, terrifying, and kind of sad all at the same time.

They really were just barely teenagers, practically children still, even after centuries of being alive. It seemed like they were stuck in the state they were in when they were changed, and clearly neither of them had ever had a chance to fully mature past that.

For a moment, I thought of Ethan. He was young, too, almost seventeen. Still, I could compare the differences between the three young vampires in my mind easily. At Ethan's human age, he physically looked as if he were maybe eighteen. He could possibly still _do_,and maybe even _be_, whatever he wanted, in time.

Alec and Jane most likely never would.

To the outside world, where immortal vampires didn't exist in the humans' minds, they would never be seen as adults. They could never be seen as anything more than... _kids. _I understood then that Alec and Jane would never have anyone else but one another. That realization was heartbreaking in some ways, even if I still disliked them both.

Even with what little knowledge I had gained about their change from Carlisle, and the circumstances that surrounded why they were turned, I still felt extreme disgust in the pit of my stomach that the two had ever been changed at all, regardless of the power they held.

"Well," Demetri muttered with a clap of his large hands, "it's been fun catching up, Carlisle, but we _really _have to go now."

Alec snickered. "Yes, wouldn't want to be a second late and risk the chance of Caius refusing you both your human whores again."

Both Demetri and Felix turned to glower at the boy. Peter chuckled beside me as he moved me out of the way to let the two men pass and get into the vehicle we had previously arrived in. "We'll see you in the throne room," Felix said, before both vampires disappeared into the car. Their doors slammed shut in tandem, and Jane pressed a grey button on the wall.

Within seconds, the door that led back outside was opened, and the car quickly disappeared before the wall shut once more.

"Well, come on, then," Jane ordered, turning away from the rest of us to punch in a code on the electric panel in the wall.

Carlisle pulled Esme along with him as a new door opened. Peter and I followed suit as Jane and Alec disappeared into a dark tunnel. Just as Peter and I entered the narrow corridor, the metal door shut behind us. I stared at it for a moment, suddenly feeling as though I were now a million miles further from Jasper than I had ever been before. Even though I knew I could tear every wall or door down to get out if I wanted to, it still seemed strangely final, as if I were entering the lion's den.

My anxiety suddenly rose tenfold.

Footsteps echoed throughout the tunnel, and Peter's large hand pressed against the small of my back. "You okay?" he whispered as we walked.

_I want to go home. _

My answer was immediate and honest. "No."

.

.

.

The sibling vampires quickly directed us through the tunnel's passageways in silence. I knew the moment we arrived directly under the city by the muffled sounds overhead. While I couldn't smell the humans above us, the very faint thump-thumping of wet hearts teased me. My throat was on _fire _again.

It was apparent we were delving deeper into the castle, as the scents of more vampires crept along the walls on either side of us. A beautiful vampire appeared around a corner that led to a different tunnel, and she stopped us all with a brilliant smile. The symbolic cloak of the Volturi swept the floor at her feet as she stopped in surprise. Peter's hand moved from the small of my back to my wrist, holding on tightly and keeping me grounded in my place.

There were already too many unknowns surrounding me as it was. I didn't need any more vampires I didn't know randomly showing up around corners and shit. My paranoia was already at an all-time high.

With a graceful sweep of opened arms, the unknown female let out a tiny squeal of excitement, and she pulled Carlisle into a hug. Esme looked on, amused, and didn't make a move to stop the girl. Carlisle responded equally, cheekily grinning as he stepped back from the girl's embrace to introduce Esme.

"Il mio amore Esme. Esme, meet Chelsea," he said with a smile. "How have you been?"

It seemed to me that Carlisle, despite his unease over this trip and the Volturi themselves, had a few friends he had left behind here. I had to hope it would work in our favour and allow me and Peter to leave quickly. I wanted—no, _needed—_to be back with Jasper.

Chelsea and Esme appraised one another. "A pleasure," Chelsea said, grinning as she took Esme's hand in greeting. "I always wondered who would catch his eye."

Carlisle caught his mate's sideways glance and winked. "The pleasure is ours," Esme replied.

Chelsea turned to Jane and Alec. "I would love to catch up with Carlisle. It's been too long. May I take them the rest of the way, or no?"

To me, the request seemed loaded with a dozen unasked questions, but both Jane and her brother shrugged indifferently. "Why not! She's to fetch them anyway for the meeting."

Jane hummed her approval. "We should take advantage of the free time to scope out Fisher's goods she caught for later. You're willing to give up first choice?" she seemingly teased Chelsea lightly.

"Fisher?" Peter asked, confused.

I had to agree. They said 'she'. Fisher seemed an odd name for a woman.

Chelsea laughed along with Alec and Jane, but Carlisle quickly answered Peter's question. "Heidi," he explained quietly. "She is what they have come to call Fisher because her beauty draws the humans in. She lures them in with the promise of a tour—"

"Where they all end up being slaughtered for our dinner!" Jane interrupted loudly, a happy glint in her red eyes.

At the mention of feeding, my throat flared with flames again. I cupped my throat, attempting to soothe the burn a bit, and shot Peter a pleading look. "Well, that's vaguely...interesting," Peter muttered dryly, "but little Bella here really needs to find a comfortable, quiet, _non-_human place to calm herself down, and soon."

Jane sighed heavily and rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Fine, but it's not our fault the baby can't control her hunger."

Peter growled. "No, but it _is_ your Masters' fault that she just absolutely had to come here at this time, being as young as she is," Peter shot back. "You act like she can help it, when we both know she can't."

He was being rude but honest. Even through Jane's scathing glare, I was sure I could see something akin to admiration hiding there. Peter smirked, and suddenly the atmosphere changed. It tensed almost, as Jane fiercely glared at Peter even harder. His teeth clenched, and his hand released my wrist as his large arms began to shake. I watched, confused, as the muscles in his cheeks twitched spastically. He stood and stared hatefully back at the tiny teen vampire who stood five feet away.

Jane hissed at him, filled with rage, while the rest of us watched on, confused. "Peter?" I mumbled, cocking my head to look at him again.

He was breathing through clenched teeth, but he didn't waver in his almost defiant stance. Peter looked like he was in...

_Oh, my God! _

I shrieked and moved in front of Peter, roaring at Jane. "Stop it!" My voice echoed as the shock finally wore off on those around us.

"Jane!" Chelsea admonished.

"Shut up," she snapped back.

The others watched a very calm and quiet Peter with admiration and wonderment as his hand found my shaking arm. He rubbed it lightly. "It's okay, Bella," he told me, seemingly for the hundredth time that day.

It still didn't calm me. Instead, I watched Jane and thought of the thousand ways I could possibly kill her. I suddenly felt like a raging bull, with my vision turning red. I hadn't been this angry since my first attack on Ethan.

"Breathe," someone ordered me.

Under the stress, I could feel the elastic bubble of my shield pressing outward from my body. It cocooned me before swiftly swallowing Peter within it as well. Everyone's eyes widened at the sight.

I wouldn't let her hurt Peter ever again.

"Aro will have her head," Alec told Peter, seeing my plans play out.

"Zip it, boy," Peter growled.

"Breathe!" I heard again.

I couldn't. The rage was overwhelming. It had swallowed me whole, biting at the bits and pieces of me on the way down. I had to go home, I knew that, and there was absolutely no doubt about it now. But that urge was slowly beaten down by the realization that I had to get me and Peter out of here safely first.

The fiery urge to kill simmered slightly. "Don't do it again," I warned Jane.

Jane stomped her foot in anger. "I don't understand!" she cried to her brother before glaring back at me and Peter.

Peter's bitter laugh was terrifying, so harsh and cold it shook my bones. "Poor girl," he mocked her plight, "I've already been burned once. My skin has been bitten and ripped apart more times than I care to count." He gestured at himself with his free hand. "This body had been quartered and strewn apart for miles, left to twitch and crawl its way back together, only to have to find some way to fuse as punishment. I have already been burned, beaten, and tortured while you lived so comfortably safe in your precious castle with your pretty little black cloak."

I suddenly felt nauseated as the vampires around us stared at Peter in shock. My fingers twitched to touch him, to see if he was real, because I couldn't imagine such torture. I had to let the words settle in for a second.

Peter didn't give me the chance.

"I've lived a far worse Hell than you could ever create. I'm _so _sorry if it offends you," Peter bit out, his words colored with sarcasm, "but your little fire doesn't scare me."

Jane's mouth dropped open in shock. In a flash, both she and Alec disappeared through the tunnel from which Chelsea had come. My whole body shook in rage and fear.

"Peter..." I started, unsure of what to say.

"I'm so sorry," Chelsea managed to fumble out after many attempts.

Esme finally managed to find her voice. "Are you okay?"

Carlisle looked perturbed, as did Esme. Peter waved their concern off with a tiny flick of his hand. "Don't bother. Can we go now? Bella really needs to settle down."

I kind of wanted to hug him then. Even after Jane's little show, he was still more concerned for me. That was _family_, not the bullshit the Cullens used to spout, or the big pomp and circumstance the Volturi supposedly had going on. No, Peter's concern over me before himself was what made our coven better and stronger than the rest.

"Okay," Chelsea murmured, still looking bothered, "sure, yes, this way."

.

.

.

We had managed to get into the castle without any major issues, minus the one _almost_ casualty when they walked us past a room where their very human secretary was working. The room they took us to was bright, lined with high vaulted windows that allowed beams of light to drift into the room, scattering in many places. Tapestries, rich and beautiful, covered the walls. A few paintings were scattered around as well. The furniture was sparse, but what was arranged in the room looked just as old and pompous as the rest. Chelsea left for a few moments then quickly came back with what appeared to be bagged blood. Peter gave a disgruntled sound at the sight, his face filled with disgust.

"What?" I asked, grabbing the two bags from Chelsea greedily.

"It's not as good when it's not fresh," Peter explained with a chuckle. "Not to mention the plasma."

I shrugged. Who gave a shit, really? If it'd get me through the next few hours, until I could get out of these walls and hunt, I didn't care if it was rat blood. I bit into the top of the first bag and squeezed gently, taking soft pulls of the red liquid and swallowing happily. Carefully, I watched the group out of the corner of my eye, taking care to protect the blood that was mine. They all turned away, giving the newborn her obvious space. I couldn't help but be a little grateful for that.

Peter was right, though—the taste was off, almost chemical in flavour. And it was cooled, not warm and satiny as it would be coming straight from the source. I still didn't care. I dropped the first bag to the floor and bit into the second. The searing burning in my throat eased up a bit, allowing me to become rational again.

When I was finished, I reveled in my non-messy state, fingering the bottom of Jasper's shirt I was wearing. I was content for the moment.

"You know, you can take the shield down," Peter told me, waving at our personal space bubble. Every time he moved an inch, the shield followed him. I wasn't even sure how I was doing it. "It's not like the fun twins are anywhere in sight."

My only response was a shrug.

"Oh, they're not twins," Chelsea said quietly from her perch beside Carlisle and Esme on the plush couch. "Jane is almost a year older than Alec, although they look so close in age that it's really hard to tell. She was nearly fourteen and he had just turned thirteen when they were changed. Irish twins, though."

"Interesting," I replied, sounding just as bored as I felt. I picked up the blood bags and dropped them into a stainless steel garbage bin that was hidden in a closet before quickly closing the door. When I turned back, they were still watching me curiously. Irritation always did get the better of me. "What?"

Chelsea smiled brightly. She wasn't so bad, really. "I was just telling Carlisle how impressed I am by your motor skills at your young age—opening doors, playing with your clothing, and not going about ruining everything your hands touch."

"Oh." I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt again, feeling awkward by her praise. I wasn't used to it coming from anyone other than my family. "Thank you."

"And your shield..." she continued, her hands gesturing at the shimmering bubble crowding me and Peter close together. "We are unable to see Renata's, but yours is quite fascinating. I hope it stays up long enough so Aro can see it. He sure would be...well, he'd probably be in love at the sight."

Peter's lips curled into a snarl, but no sound came out. I looked over at him, worried. At the thought of Aro admiring my shield at work, the elastic bubble snapped back against my skin, effectively cutting off the others from seeing it any longer.

Chelsea looked like I had kicked her puppy, but the other three just chuckled softly. "I'm not a shiny, new toy."

"No, of course not," Chelsea muttered, trying to appease me. It definitely wasn't working. "Maybe Renata could teach you how to control it, if they are anything alike. Aro just appreciates others' gifts."

Peter guffawed at her. "Sure, like a horse appreciates hay."

"Be nice." Carlisle's warning fell on deaf ears.

I watched as Peter pulled his cell from his pocket for the third time since leaving the car and glared at the screen. "Why do I have no service in here?"

His question wasn't directed at anyone in particular, but Chelsea answered anyway. "Aro dislikes the constant hum of the ringtones echoing throughout the castle. He has these electronic devices hidden throughout the castle that block the cellular waves. Once outside, you'll have it back to normal again."

"Awesome," Peter replied bitterly.

Chelsea had me a little curious. She seemed harmless enough, and I still hadn't seen her use a gift, but knowing what I did of Aro, she likely had one. "What is _your_ gift?" I asked her. "Whether you want to admit it or not, Aro collects gifts, and I've already seen two of his prizes at work, not to mention Demetri's explanation of his, and all this talk of another shield...well, you must have something, too, right?"

She nodded. "I can create bonds...or break them, depending on the situation."

"Like with me and Peter? Or me and my mate?" The thought scared me.

Chelsea shook her head, her curls bouncing around her shoulders at the action. "No, not between you and your mate—those ribbons are too strong to manipulate. It also doesn't seem like I could effectively decimate the bond between you and your coven mates, as that seems too strong as well. But your relationship with Carlisle and Esme..." her voice trailed off and her eyes glazed a bit as she mulled over her words. "Yes, I could strengthen or weaken _that_."

I looked to Carlisle and Esme, who were watching me closely to gauge my reaction to Chelsea's statement. I shrugged, not bothered at all. "Don't bother. We're more acquaintances than friends, anyway. I think we all know where we stand here," I said, half smiling.

Carlisle took hold of the conversation, diverting Chelsea's attention away from me for the moment. I was grateful. Within an hour or two, I'd be meeting with three vampires I couldn't care two flying leaps about but who would apparently care leaps and bounds about me. I found my comfortable spot beside Peter and pulled my backpack onto my lap to open it up. The pictures Charlotte had printed lay on top, and I pulled them out. Peter pointed out a few things to me as I flipped through them—little things I had told him about when we had taken the pictures.

I ignored the others around us who were talking, reminiscing and telling stories of a time when I hadn't even been alive, let alone thought about. I didn't notice the shift in the sunlight's rays through the windows as the time passed until a soft knock on the large, darkly stained oak door brought me out of my quiet thoughts.

Peter's hand found my wrist again as Chelsea opened the door to allow a dark-haired, tall male vampire in. His eyes, bright red and freshly fed, swept over us before he leaned down a bit to kiss Chelsea's cheek.

"My mate, Afton," she said, introducing us to him.

He gave us a small smile in greeting, but all his attention was on her. "Jane sent word you would be here. It's time to bring them down," Afton explained.

Carlisle and Esme rose from their chairs gracefully, their hands finding one another in comfort. Peter and I stood as well, packing the pictures again into my backpack.

"You wanna get that shield working again?" Peter asked me jokingly. "I'd really like to not be mind-fucked today, Sugar."

I stared at him, feeling helpless. "Sorry." I slung the backpack over my shoulder.

"Hey," Peter said, his hand touching my shoulder lightly, "Jesus, Bella, breathe. It's okay."

Even though he was usually right, I really wished he'd stop saying that.


	39. Chapter 39

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Stephenie Meyer owns The Twilight Saga. I'm just playing with her characters. Ethan, Lee, and Lysen are mine, though. **

**A/N: Thanks so much and a hundred hugs to my beta JaspersDestiny. Also, thanks and hugs to my pre-reader TheLyricalCutie. **

**Sorry for the wait. The Epilogue is all that is left after this chapter. It will go up in a couple of days.**

* * *

**Chapter 39**

**Bella POV **

Demetri was waiting for us at the entrance to the throne room. The two large doors he stood in front of were still closed, although I could hear the hushed voices of what sounded like many vampires coming from within. Chelsea and Afton briefly acknowledged their coven mate before giving the rest of us an encouraging look and immediately taking their leave down another corridor. Soon after they disappeared from our view, vanishing behind another door that I assumed led into the room we would be soon entering as well.

Confused, I asked, "They're not coming in with us?"

Carlisle answered my question quickly as Demetri knocked on the doors three times. "Simply a formality, Bella. When the brothers request an audience, like they have for us, the entire Guard–minus Demetri, as he always introduces important arrivals–holds court within the throne room with the brothers, at pre-designated posts. I can't imagine they'll ever change their traditions."

Demetri smirked. "They haven't yet," he muttered while pushing open the large doors with ease.

He entered first, and I half hid myself behind Peter's large frame. The others effectively blocked off most of my direct view to the front of the room as we followed Demetri inside.

I forced back my annoyance at the sight of Demetri sweeping a low bow before the audience of vampires. When he spoke again, his voice lost that cheerful tone he usually had and instead took on a stiff formal tenor.

"Masters, I announce Carlisle and Esme Cullen, former leader and member of the now disbanded Olympic-Cullen Coven to your home. Also present are Peter and Isabella Whitlock of the Whitlock Coven."

"Family," I groused to myself.

Wait... Demetri had tacked on Whitlock at the end of my name. It surprised me that I hadn't heard it spoken out loud like that before, and I _liked _it. I knew I was a Whitlock, of course, even if Jasper and I weren't formally married, but it felt proper to be regarded as one all the same.

"Well done. Thank you, Demetri. You may take your post, please," boomed a cheerful voice, followed by the clapping of hands.

I wanted to add, "Like a good little boy," at the end, but such sarcasm would seem hardly appropriate at this time.

I could smell at least three dozen different vampires within the large space. I looked around to the ones I could see from my perch behind Peter. Quickly, my gaze caught sight of two that I recognized: Jane and Alec. The young girl looked like she was sulking as she openly glared at me. I just smiled back.

"Come out front where the rest can see you, young Isabella," the same voice from before said, trying to entice me forward gently. "I hear you have a penchant for making yourself obscure around strangers. We understand, though, I assure you. Newborn paranoia can be an overwhelming monster to shake. We've all been there."

Peter reached behind and lightly pulled at my wrist to bring me forward to face the rest of the vampires. I noticed who I knew had to be the brothers first. The three male vampires wore richly colored robes encrusted with jewels, and they were sitting comfortably atop large thrones in the middle of a raised platform at the head of the room. They screamed _old_. I repressed the shiver trying to crawl up my spine. Two of them looked upon us with varying degrees of interest while the one to the far left looked off at the wall, seemingly in his own world.

Carlisle nodded his head in respectful greeting to each man as he said their names. Aro was in the middle, with Caius to the right of him and Marcus to his left.

Aro stood and smiled brightly at Carlisle as Caius' face deepened into a scowl. Obviously he wasn't the happiest of the bunch. "Old friend, how pleased I am to see you, though the circumstances are rather difficult. But nonetheless here you are!" His glee-filled gaze flitted over to Esme. "And your mate...how lovely you look, my dear, and with such _different _eyes. Dare I hope it's not just a simple slip in your diet?"

Esme returned his smile politely. "Of course not, Aro. Carlisle's diet doesn't need to match mine for what is within our hearts to matter."

The old vampire didn't bother to respond. Instead, his hawk-like eyes quickly darted over to me and Peter. I fought the urge to recoil from his stare. The blond one, Caius, leaned further back in his chair as he watched me. I felt like a fly under a microscope.

"My, my..." Aro murmured as he observed me closely. I couldn't help but stare back, feeling perturbed by his attention. "Our Guards' memories do not give you proper justice, child."

I managed a very quiet but forced thank you. Peter stood as still as stone beside me, but I could see from the corner of my eye that he was carefully evaluating the changes in my temperament as the man spoke. In no way could I blame Peter. With so many people staring at me, I felt ready to bolt.

Aro took a step off the platform and moved deliberately slow for a vampire in our direction while his eyes stayed trained on me. "You're quite a little marvel, girl. You've caused some of my Guards quite a stir. Very well controlled; I should thank you for not causing an ungodly mess back in the Americas. You have a fascinating gift, but it's such a pity you have no real control over it, from what I understand. Oh, and lest I become forgetful in my age..." his voice was light and teasing as he moved closer, stopping a mere foot from me, "...you even managed to put quite a fright in my dear Jane. That is quite a feat in itself, I assure you."

An indignant snort came from Jane's direction. I couldn't look away from Aro to see the look on her face, but I also didn't bother to stop the smug smile from forming on my lips, either.

"Hush!" I heard Caius hiss, reprimanding the girl.

Aro turned his head to look at her. "Yes, Jane," he agreed, "that's quite enough from you. I think you've caused our guests enough discord for the day."

He turned back to me and moved a fraction of an inch closer, with his hand upraised like he was going to touch my face. I withdrew from the possibility of his touch immediately. For a second he almost looked offended. The silence that fell upon the room was deafening.

Peter came to my rescue. "She's young and a mated female. Please excuse her ignorance, but Bella is not used to being touched by other vampires outside of her coven, especially males."

Aro didn't bother to look at Peter when he acknowledged him, and his lack of apology didn't escape my notice, either. "Yes, of course." When his hand reached up to touch me with his fingers again, I froze. "I mean you no harm, child. I am merely curious."

I didn't relax my tensed position as Aro's fingers gently skimmed along my jaw. His eyes narrowed thoughtfully while his lips pursed in confusion. "I had hoped you wouldn't be immune to me," he mused. "Obviously I wished beyond myself."

I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, but I wouldn't celebrate this small victory just yet. Suddenly, Aro tilted my jaw up with his hand and examined the scar on my neck from my change.

He _tsked_. "You couldn't manage a cleaner job, Mr. Whitlock? How she ever survived without bleeding out is a miracle," he said disapprovingly.

Peter's eyes sharply cut to Aro in surprise. "How—"

The older vampire chuckled deeply, interrupting Peter as he tapped the side of his nose with one long finger after releasing my jaw. "I've become quite adept at distinguishing the venom lines between sire and creation over the years," he explained when he finally turned his attention to my coven mate.

Peter eyed him warily. "You thought Jasper changed her."

The words resonated in me, and my back stiffened. Why would that matter?

Aro's face looked pinched. "Well...perhaps. Carlisle explained very little, you see. He did mention how Bella was changed, but considering that he also told me that Bella was Jasper's mate...well, surely you can understand my doubt in trusting that he had simply allowed someone else to change her when he was more than capable."

"Capable?" Peter scoffed.

"You disagree?"

Peter looked like he wanted to snarl. "No," he replied through gritted teeth, "and I'm sure you don't, either."

"Ah, you are right, Mr. Whitlock. My apologies for testing you." Aro smiled at Peter, but the gesture wasn't returned. "How _did _he take it?"

Peter grimaced. "He managed."

"Well, at least I needn't send Demetri and Felix off to retrieve poor Jasper. Though meeting him interests me greatly, I doubt under those circumstances would he have been at all pleasant."

I was beyond confused, and I couldn't take it anymore. "What?"

Aro looked back at me, his eyes narrowing as he considered my words.

"He never—" Peter began only to be once again interrupted by Aro lifting his hand in his direction, his palm up as if in invitation.

Without looking at Peter directly, he asked, "May I?" It certainly didn't sound like a request to me, though.

With his teeth gritting in frustration, Peter relented and placed his own hand into Aro's waiting palm. For quite a while both men stood still and tense. Peter watched Aro, his anger burning behind his red eyes as Aro's slack face made it look like he wasn't even in the room with us anymore. Reverting back to my nervous human habits, I fidgeted with the hem of Jasper's shirt while I waited.

I couldn't understand why I felt so nervous. We had nothing to hide, right?

Finally Aro dropped his hand away. "You have such _strong _opinions, Peter. They nearly overwhelm everything else..._almost._" At least his tone didn't sound disapproving. "Tell me about Ethan," he ordered.

Peter looked stricken. "He didn't change him."

Aro _tsked_ again. "Obviously. That part was clear enough. I got the memory of his venom's scent. What I asked for was an explanation."

"It was all there," Peter shot back hotly, referring to his memories.

Annoyance colored Aro's features. "I'd like for you to explain it out loud, for the benefit of my brothers." He waved his hand in their direction. "If you wouldn't mind."

Exasperated, and clearly unwilling to divulge information about our coven to more vampires than he had to, Peter sighed loudly but eventually conceded. He quietly but quickly explained what he knew of Ethan, his family, my son, their deaths, Jasper's involvement, and the subsequent choice my mate had made to bring Ethan into our lives after killing Ethan's sire. _Responsibility. Guilt. _Peter sounded proud.

At the mention of my son's name and his short lived life, I could sense the impending depression swirling in my mind again. I had to force it back, if only for a little while longer. Then I could leave and make my way back to the only person who would let me both hate him and love him before he made all the pain go away. I wished I had given him the chance to do just that before I left.

"And at first you weren't pleased that he brought the boy back," Aro thought out loud. "Why?"

Peter chanced a look in my direction before he answered. "No, I wasn't. I was pissed off. He manipulated me and lied about my mate's involvement. He put her in danger." Peter swallowed thickly. "I felt at first that he put our family in danger."

"Do you think that makes a strong leader, Peter?" The question was loaded. I fought the need to hiss at Aro for insulting Jasper without him being present to defend himself.

Openly and unafraid, my sire glared at the self-appointed ruler, not bothered by the possible consequences for his disrespect. Peter had that look on his face again. It was the same one he had graced Jane with; rage fueled with fire hidden behind a stare so stony it stung like ice. He looked so similar to Jasper in those short seconds that I had to look away.

"Jasper and I lead _our _family on equal grounds. While I may not always agree with his choices, or his actions for that matter, I _will _always give him the chance to explain why it was the right choice for him before I judge him on it. When it comes to my brother, I can be a hot-headed mess, ready to rip some limbs, but I will always stand by his choices."

Aro raised an eyebrow. "I am..._offended_."

Carlisle decided to step forward to diffuse the situation. "Aro, please." Well, at least one of us sounded remorseful.

"Why?" Peter asked Aro.

I was surprised that the other two brothers had kept so quiet during the entire exchange, but at Peter's innocent question, Caius stood from his throne and snarled in our direction. He pointed a finger at us angrily, "You know _why_! You needn't have it explained as if you're some simple dolt. You think because Jasper simply skated around the edges of our contract that he is off the _hook_? I don't think so, Mr. Whitlock," Caius finished, spitting our last name from his mouth like it was dirt.

My mouth felt dry, and an unfamiliar swell of nausea rose in my stomach at the turn the whole situation had taken. With my perfect vampire recall I was able to pull together bits and pieces of conversations and pointed comments I had heard in passing since my change. I was finally starting to put the whole picture together and understand what Jasper had been unwilling to discuss with me. Or at least I was sure I knew it now.

Aro rolled his eyes at Caius' outburst. "Speaking of hotheads," he muttered, so low only we could hear it. He waved back at his brother as if to brush his temper off. "Oh, hush! Stop with your foolishness, Caius. You take everything so literally."

A collective breath was released from the four of us. I had kind of taken it literally, too.

"Aro!"

With a sharp turn of his heel, Aro faced his brother. "Sit down, Caius!" he ordered.

The blond vampire spitefully glared at his brother but fell back into his throne with all the dramatics only a spoiled being could possess. It was obvious who the high bitch in charge was when it came to the three of them. Marcus was still acting as if he were the only one in the room, staring at a wall completely bored.

I diverted my gaze to the stone floor when Aro finally turned back to us. I didn't escape his notice, unfortunately. "Poor Isabella, I imagine you need some time to digest this information." His voice took on a soothing quality. "As I was saying before I was interrupted, I'm offended that your mate never thought to mention to you his agreement with us."

Peter cleared his throat. "He didn't want to overwhelm her."

Aro nodded thoughtfully. "Perhaps, or maybe he didn't want to divulge a piece of his past that he doesn't feel much pride for."

Shocked, I couldn't help but ask, "You've met my mate?"

His deep laugh filled the space. "I only wish, child. The stories and memories he must hold..." Aro mused, with a knowing smile. "You see, long ago, when Jasper first joined Carlisle's coven, my old friend believed that given Jasper's delicate past we may have been looking for him. Carlisle was correct, of course." He looked sad for a brief moment. "You have to understand something first—the vampires who surrounded him before his integration with the Cullens were most literally on our hit list for their crimes. The things your Jasper participated in...well, he managed to make that list as well."

My voice sounded stronger than I felt. "I know what he's done."

Peter patted my back sympathetically, knowing the effort and honesty it took to admit the kind of monsters you keep company with and still managing to find pride in them now. I loved my mate. His past didn't make a blip on my radar screen in that concern.

Aro looked on at our display with happiness. "Peter is such a good sire for you, my dear. I think he has managed so well for his first time. I only wish some of my creations..." his gaze turned on Jane and Alec "...were so well trained and behaved."

"Jasper had a lot to do with that also," Peter stated honestly.

Aro shrugged dismissively before turning away and quickly returning to his throne. "As I was saying," he said, once he was seated, "Jasper, with the wise encouragement of his new leader, decided his best course of action when it came to us would be to offer himself up. Now, some of us..." he waved at Caius, "...had no interest in Major Whitlock other than spreading his ashes."

I managed to hold myself still at those words, but it stung like a million bites.

"I simply disagreed to kill such talent. The memories I'd seen of him... He was trying to find a purpose, you see," Aro explained. "We've killed others for _much _less, Isabella, and it would have been justified."

"But you didn't." It was a question and a statement all rolled into one.

He laughed again. "You look much like Caius did, although with a lot less anger, when I finally told him my decision on the matter."

Nothing was completely laid on the table for me just yet. "Why?"

The look on Aro's face seemed to take him back years. "Rage is such a murderer. It's a killer that takes without cause or care, and it never apologizes for anything left behind in its wake. I believe those born and bred for rage and hate have very little chance for finding their own redemption, but your Jasper knew where his rage laid, and while he sought to leave it behind in search of his purpose–as we all need _that_–I thought to give him his redemption." He winked conspiratorially. "With restrictions, of course! And perhaps the young soldier looking for his purpose reminded me of someone else I care for," he said, with a sentimental tone, as he looked over at his fuming brother, "though Caius despises being compared to just about anyone."

Caius' scowl deepened further. He was starting to look like he had been sucking on lemons.

I weighed the questions I wanted to ask, carefully. I had a pretty good idea what Jasper's restrictions were, but I still wanted to know for sure, so I asked.

Aro shot me a fleeting grin. "Curious thing, aren't you? Don't you think that maybe he should answer those questions himself?"

I shrugged. It didn't make a difference to me who I heard it from now so long as my suspicions were confirmed.

"Very well," Aro murmured after a loud sigh. "Carlisle would be better to explain the specifics, seeing as he was the main negotiator on Jasper's behalf."

Looking at Carlisle, I noticed he seemed disappointed that he needed to speak in front of the vampires again. Or maybe it was just the situation we were in. "Amongst many little things, Jasper agreed to stay with my coven for as long as possible. He also conceded to keep the peace and refrain from violence if he ever chose to leave."

"Unless he had no other choice," Peter added, looking up at Aro and daring him to say differently.

"Yes," Carlisle granted, with a nod. "The brothers also required him to give as much information about his former coven and rivals as possible: names, locations, numbers, gifts, and whatever else they deemed were important."

My eyes narrowed at Carlisle. He was skirting around the restriction I wanted to know about the most. "What else?"

"Jasper's final agreement with the brothers was to give up the right to change another human into a vampire. If he did, and they found out, his life would be forfeit."

My mouth fell open, and my fists clenched. How was that fair to my mate? "What about _me_?" I suddenly asked, unable to stop myself even when Peter shook his head and shot me a pleading look. "Me, his _mate_! What if he had no other choice but to change me?"

Caius answered this time, his words black and cold like his eyes. "It wouldn't make a difference."

I was appalled. "Wow."

"Now you've upset her," Aro chided.

"I'm fine." I felt weak.

In a flash of movement, Aro was off his throne and standing in front of me again, touching my arm gently. "I'm very sorry, child. You asked, and I thought it appropriate you know the truth. Obviously your outer strength doesn't always match your inner. I wish I had known the distress you were in before I demanded you make this trip."

My confusion must have shown because he continued to explain in a quieter voice. "Your son," he clarified. "I saw Peter's memories, and it bothers me that you didn't have the time to grieve or make proper amends. At least, that's what I assume..."

"No."

He considered his words, touching his forehead and grimacing in an oddly human way. Once again, he appeared older than his human age. "I think your gift is fascinating, and while its potential could be beyond amazing, I also know how unfair and unwise it would be of me to put you under more stress than I've already caused by asking you to stay and train to learn it. I'm not that disgusting of a being, I assure you, and so I won't do that."

I wasn't even sure if he could, but Aro had been nothing but cordial to me since I walked in that room. "Thank you."

Aro moved a step back, putting a proper distance between us, though nothing he said had been private. "While your mate may have skirted around the confines of our agreement, and I'm inclined to give him a pass solely based on understanding the weight of responsibility..." Aro winked as he spoke, "...please make it clear to him that under no circumstances will he receive another."

My head bobbed jerkily in agreement. "Absolutely."

His hands clapped loudly as he turned to face Jane and Alec with a frown. "Now, one more issue to deal with before we allow you to take your leave, Whitlocks." With a pointed finger at the siblings, he ordered them to our spot. "I believe you have something to say to Peter and Isabella."

Both vampires stared at the ground. I found it unbelievable that Aro was chastising them so publically, but my guess was that it was the only way to make them heed his warnings. They were only children, after all, and being their creator, Aro was likely the best candidate for a much needed father figure to them as well.

"We apologize," they both murmured in unison. At least they sounded remorseful.

I caught Peter's sly grin and fought the urge to hit him for being smug while Aro punished the siblings.

"Thank you," Aro told them. "It takes courage to admit your mistakes, and while you did apologize, there will still be consequences for your behaviour."

Jane's head jerked up, her eyes wide with panic. "But—"

Aro's stern look shut her up. "No. One week without using your gifts unless given explicit permission or orders to do so. I'll be checking," he said with a wave of his fingers. "Understood?"

"What?" Alec cried.

Obviously they weren't used to being punished. Personally, I thought the punishment fit the bill rather well myself.

"Want to make it _two_ weeks?" A desperate shake of their heads had Aro nodding. "Good, now back to your posts, please."

Jane and Alec quickly shuffled back to their previous positions, with their heads down and looking thoroughly scolded for their actions. I couldn't bother to feel sorry for them. They were practically screaming for some discipline.

Aro turned to Carlisle with a passive expression I hadn't seen him wear yet. "While the Whitlocks are free to leave now, you, my old friend, are not. I hear we have _much _to discuss."

Carlisle looked weary. "Of course," he replied, sounding less and less like his normal self by the second.

As Aro returned to his throne, he began to explain when we would leave for our flight. "I prefer we wait until darkness. It'll be easier. And, of course, if you would prefer, we can arrange for you both to feed before you leave to make the trip easier."

"I think that'd be a good idea," Peter replied.

Truthfully, I wasn't much interested in hearing any more plans. I just wanted to leave. I turned to say my goodbyes to Esme and Carlisle.

"Good luck on your trip home," Esme said with a smile.

Awkwardly, she hugged me and wished me well. "Good luck _here_," I said with a little laugh before releasing her.

Peter grabbed my wrist and tugged me along behind him. I followed without question.

"Oh, and Bella!" Aro called from behind me just before Peter and I could leave through the large doors Demetri was holding open for us. It was the first time he called me by the name I reserved for my friends. I turned just a bit, enough to look back at him. "Do try to come back and visit us in a few years. I'm very interested in seeing how your shield evolves."

It didn't sound like a demand for my return; it felt more like a request. That I could handle. I turned to leave once more, but Aro's voice caused me to stop again. "I'm very happy Jasper managed to find his purpose in you, Bella dear."

I couldn't turn around to respond. Instead, I left and didn't look back.

.

.

.

Demetri led us out of the castle through one of the many underground tunnels before leaving again to return to his masters. Peter and I stood at the opening of a short tunnel that led to the outside. We were just hidden from the glare of the setting sun.

"How you feeling, Sugar?" Peter asked.

I grimaced. My chest hurt again, and my feet felt restless, like my mind. I needed to _move_. "Like I can't stand here another fucking minute." He stared down at me, confused, so I explained further. "I want to be home. I can feel it, smell it, and even taste it. It...it doesn't make sense, but it feels right. I have to go right now. My body has been pushing me to move since the moment we stepped off the plane. I _need _to go home."

Peter looked at me with pity. "A little while longer, Bella, and we'll be on our way."

My growl echoed in the tunnel. "You're not getting it," I snapped.

Quick footsteps closed in on us from behind, interrupting me from saying anything else. When the figure came into view, I was shocked to recognize the somber, reclusive brother they called Marcus. He was looking at us with a mixture of uncertainty and pain.

I couldn't help but notice the dark black of his eyes. I'd seen it before with Rosalie, and it made me flinch at the sight. "Hello," he said, his voice sounding dull and flat.

"Marcus," Peter replied respectfully. "Shouldn't you be with the other two, dealing with the Cullens?"

Marcus waved dismissively and leaned against the wall of the tunnel, looking out at the darkening sky. "I should be, but I really can't be bothered to sit through another charade today."

The laugh that left Peter's mouth was booming. I jumped at the sound of it and shot him a glare, which he ignored. "So you came down to say goodbye to little ol' us, then?" Peter drawled sarcastically.

Marcus sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Not you, Peter, more for Miss Bella."

"Huh?" I looked at him, shocked. How had he even noticed my presence when he had been too busy staring lifelessly at the wall the whole time? "Me?"

Peter's eyebrow rose in question. Apparently Protective Peter was going to try to make another appearance, but I figured Marcus was harmless enough. Marcus chuckled at Peter, but even his chuckle sounded dead. "Oh my, not like that."

"What then?"

The sun was almost gone. At the realization that home was quickly coming yet again, my fingers twitched with the need to leave.

Marcus touched his chest with his hand. He was silent for a long time, and I was beginning to wonder if he was just going to leave instead of explaining himself when he spoke. "I can see and feel the bonds between people. Different levels of bonds obviously have very different levels of strength, but I see them differently, too, much like the strength of strings, or ribbons, or cords, depending on who the bond is with." The hand that was hovering over his heart clenched. "I could tell you were grieving, though Aro spoke it out loud, but you hold it in so well. Familial, yes? I believe he said your son?"

My throat tightened. "Yes."

"How?" he asked, his voice hushed and filled with pain.

How could I answer that question when I wasn't even sure I fully understood it myself? I felt venom gathering in my eyes. "I just want to go home."

"Home?" Marcus mumbled. "What does home mean to you, girl? Is it what you were describing to your coven mate before I arrived?" When I didn't answer right away, he hissed to get my attention. "Is it?"

"It is for me," I replied, my voice thick with emotion.

His demeanor changed from pained to thoughtful. Marcus stared at me long and hard, contemplative almost. I felt awkward under his deadened gaze. "You won't make that flight," he told Peter without looking away from me.

Peter straightened at those words, his eyes blazing with unbridled anger. "Excuse me?"

"She won't fly unless she flies it herself."

What he said felt right when I allowed the words to digest. I didn't dare say that out loud, though, because Peter would probably think I was insane.

A small smile tugged at Marcus' lips, and he looked off, far away, lost in his memories. "Didyme, my mate, always felt that need to run home, too. I always wondered if she tried..." His voice trailed off as the agony rippled across his features.

Peter exhaled loudly. "A _runner_."

Marcus looked surprised. "You gave them a name?"

What were they babbling on about? "A _what_?"

It was like they didn't even hear me. They were too lost watching the last of the setting sun. That heavy feeling settled in my chest again, making it difficult to breathe. I could move...go..._run_.

I met Marcus' gaze, and he gave me a polite nod. "I'll let Aro know you won't be needing the plane any longer."

Peter guffawed. "So what, Sugar, you just plan on swimming across the ocean? Don't you realize that flying object will get us there faster?"

I looked at him and tried to calm myself down, but I only managed to find I was getting more aggravated. Peter didn't understand. Neither did I, really. Running home felt like exactly what I needed to do ever since arriving in Volterra. I'd been fighting that urge since the very beginning. Now, so close to following that desire, the pressure in my chest lightened and my mind felt clearer, like I'd finally been released.

Running didn't have to make sense to Peter. It probably never would. But for me, it was the pull, the need, the pressure to find him. My mind was already planning possible routes to take as I remembered the geography classes I took as a human. I thought of the weather, when the sun would rise and from what direction, and even how deep I should keep myself under the surface of the ocean as I swam. I was sure it was crazy, that _I _was crazy. It was _completely _unexplainable.

Peter made a whining sound. "Oh, come on, Bella! I don't want to swim in the ocean! I _really _don't. It's salty, and I'll taste that shit on my breath for years."

Hastily I picked up my backpack from the floor. It wasn't waterproof. There wasn't a thing in it I wanted, though, seeing as Charlotte could probably print me out the pictures again anyway. The clothes were replaceable, and the book I'd brought but not bothered to read wasn't important. The backpack was unneeded.

"Can you destroy this?" I asked Marcus, pushing the backpack in his direction as I leaned out the opening of the tunnel and looked at the thirty foot drop to the ground. "If you wouldn't mind, of course."

"Bella!"

I shot a look at Peter. "What?"

He looked incredulous. "You're not serious. Bella, come on!"

Eventually I'd apologize for my next statement. "Put up, or shut up," I replied.

Marcus chuckled as Peter's jaw popped shut loudly. I could see his teeth clenching behind his cheeks. "I'm not doing it."

"Okay." He narrowed his eyes at me. "You let Jasper know where I am, though, all right?" That was a low blow, and I knew it, but I didn't even care.

Exasperated, Peter threw his hands up and groaned. He grabbed his own backpack and pulled out a t-shirt with some band's name on it that I didn't recognize before pulling it over his head and over his other shirt. When he noticed me staring at him, he gave me a defensive look. "What? I like this shirt. I'm not leaving it behind."

"Whatever." I grabbed his backpack from his hands and tossed it to Marcus as well. "Thanks," I told the older vampire.

He dipped his head, but the ever-present frown was still there. I wasn't sure how to take Marcus, or for that matter, even how to begin understanding him. His mate was gone, yet he still lived on...barely. I wondered how and why, but I didn't dare ask.

"Safe journey, Miss Bella."

I managed a small smile before leaping from the tunnel with Peter right behind me. We hit the ground running.

.

.

.

My mind was focused, so intent and driven on getting back to Jasper, that I rarely noticed Peter behind me. I could feel my need for my mate in my bones and pushing through my veins. The mantra of _home, home, home_ played on repeat in my mind. With every step I took, it got me that much closer, easing the pressure bit by bit.

I was skimming along the ridges of the mountains at a speed no human would see, but we still had to be careful. There were major highways we would have to cross and a few small towns to get through before I would be safe from the possibility of getting sidetracked by the need to hunt.

Peter called Jasper. Part of me listened to the conversation while I strategized the best routes to take.

"Yeah, the fucking ocean," he snapped at my mate. "So when we hit it...well, bye-bye phone, Jas."

Loud laughter filled the receiver. I smiled to myself, and Peter growled before going into another tirade about the brothers and their Guard. Quickly I scanned the horizon. With my exceptional sight, I could judge how far I had left to run before I hit the ocean.

Feeling confident in my knowledge, I started skimming down the mountain.

"Bella!" Peter shouted behind me. I could hear Jasper asking questions again.

I ignored everything because my mind was set.

.

.

.

I stayed hidden in the tree line as I considered the distance I had to run in the open before I hit the ocean. The obvious part was that no one would see me running at full speed, but what I was more concerned about were the shipping routes I had to get past. If I swam deep enough, it wouldn't be a problem, but I wanted to be high enough to come out of the water and look around if I needed to.

Peter tried once more to convince me to go back to Volterra and fly home. I decided to give him my game plan instead. "We're going to hit up the border between Maine and New Brunswick. It's probably the safest because there will be lots of forest close to the water there. It's got to be almost ten here, right? So it's four in the morning there right now. The sun will still be up for a little while once we hit land, so I need you to get me a car with windows tinted dark enough to get us far enough along until the sun goes down. All right?"

"Can you even drive?" he asked me bitterly.

His tone made me bristle. "I'm eighteen. Yeah, I can drive."

"Fine," he huffed.

I watched a group of humans walking down a pathway about a mile away. Once they were far enough down the path that I was sure they wouldn't look back, I sprinted out of the trees and took a huge breath of air before looking back at Peter one last time.

When I cut through the water, I didn't even make a splash.

.

.

.

We swam up through West Penobscot Bay before managing to find a private enough area near the shore to climb out without being seen in the light. I hunted for animals in the state park that was close to the bay while Peter hunted for some stupid unsuspecting human who had left their car unprotected in the park while they did their human things.

Before long we were driving down a highway at speeds far above the state limit. I had a few hours to go before the sun went down, and I wanted nothing more than to cross a few states and get to where there was some large forested land so running would be quick and easy for the majority of the rest of my trip.

Peter fiddled with the dial of the radio, tuning it to a station that grated on my nerves immediately. Without averting my gaze from the road in front of me, I reached over and turned it off. When he turned it on again, my fist shot out and crashed into the plastic and metal, effectively decimating any chance of him getting it to work again.

My grip tightened on the steering wheel as he glared at me, and I fought the urge to smile. "Oops," I mumbled.

Peter fumed. "I can't wait until we get home."

My grin escaped, and I pressed down on the pedal harder. "Almost there."

I ditched the car as soon as it was safe enough to be outside it without looking like a walking, talking disco ball. It ended up in the ditch somewhere near the border between New York and Pennsylvania. I knew we would have to be safe running through some of the states that didn't have vast forest land, and it was likely going to take a while to get through it. But that was all right; I was so close to home I could fucking taste it.

.

.

.

I wasn't sure exactly when Peter branched off from me, though I was sure it was as soon as we hit the border of our property. Jasper's scent was fresh, and I could see he had been running the perimeter of our property recently while he marked a fresh territory line with human blood.

I stood still, listening for sounds and smelling the familiar scents, but it still wasn't right.

The wind blew a light gust of wind, sending my sea salted dried hair blowing around my face wildly. Then I heard him calling my name, and I took off in the direction of his beautiful voice.

I found him shirtless and barefoot half a mile away. His torso was bloodied, along with the faded jeans he wore. His hands were dirty with mud from where he must have been digging a hole to hide the human's body. I noticed then that his golden curls were back. The temporary dye must have finally washed away completely while I was gone. For a long while, I just stood in silence and stared at him.

Everything in the world suddenly felt right again. The pressure was finally gone, and I was wholly my own once more.

"You're a mess," I finally said.

His red eyes glittered with amusement. "That's all you have to say?" he asked, walking toward me in long, smooth strides.

My tongue wet my lips when I smelled the freshly spilt human blood on his skin. My throat flared in flames. When his hands touched my face, my body sang.

I fought to find my voice when I felt the pads of his fingertips cross my cheekbones. My throat felt dry, and my voice was hoarse. "I missed you."

And he kissed me.

.

.

.

When the light started to filter through the canopy of the trees, I sighed at the feel of the sun touching my skin. Jasper's arms tightened around my naked torso, and I hummed in desire and contentment as his tongue licked the curves of my body..._again_.

That night he made me forget, pushed me to remember, and said I tasted like salt. I laughed.

I was dirty, and my tongue tasted like his skin and blood.

Using his finger, Jasper drew a dirty line of streaked mud and blood across my cheek, to match the others he had painted on my body that night. I had no idea what I looked like, but I had to assume I looked a lot like him; cursive lines of blood curling along the lines of his muscles, painted streaks of mud across patches of skin, and swirls of dark, dried blood mixed with dirt marred his skin.

It felt like a ritual, the way we touched and marked and drew. The patterns crisscrossed and smudged, and the colours contrasted brightly against their alabaster skin. It was much more than just a simple silly thing to do, or so Jasper said. I felt it, though, in the scent of the earth and the headiness of the blood that had been spilled across the ground. Somehow, I understood.

His voice was a haunting melody as it ghosted along my neck, and his fingers drew a wet path down my jaw. "You know, every species has its own way of marking," Jasper told me between soft kisses. His fingers left my skin, and I heard him drag them across the damp and muddied forest floor beneath us, which was still wet from the light rain fall from a short time ago. He drew another line across the curve of my waist. "Animals designate their territories, humans mar their skin with ink, and fish have the ability to shed the color from their skin, which releases specific scents into the water to let others know not to trespass."

I dragged my nails down his dirty chest, creating clean lines through the markings I had placed upon his skin earlier. "I'm not finding this very...informative."

He chuckled deeply before nipping at the soft spot below my ear. "Silly girl. Animals always mark their territory, and many species even mark their mates if they feel the need. Some breeds of female wolves roll in the piss of their male, for example."

I made a face at that statement. "I'm not rolling in your piss, Jas."

"Be serious, Isa_bella_." Another swipe followed his statement, a new mark. "Humans have been marking their bodies for thousands of years. Some did it in preparation for battle, others for ceremonies and rituals. The idea of marking a body permanently isn't generally a new age idea," he murmured. His finger found my hip, and I looked down to watch him draw a cursive _L _on the clean patch of skin there. "Vampires...well, we mark everything; our territory, our possessions...our _mate_."

I dropped my head back as his tongue traced a lazy pattern back up my body. When he stopped, I sighed in contentment. "It's harder for some, like me, when their mate doesn't carry their venom line. I _always _want you to smell like me. I want you to look in the mirror and see a mark staring back at you that reminds you of _me_."

"I do."

Jasper hummed deep in his throat and grabbed my hips. "I like seeing you all dirty like this, my marks covering every inch of your skin. I think I _love _it, actually." I could smell the rain in the air again. The drops fell from the sky with a soft roar, but my mind was lost to Jasper's final words. "I'm not really the marrying kind, but sweetheart, this makes you _bound_ to me."

I already was, but either way, I wholeheartedly agreed.

.

.

.

The sun was bright, and tiny prisms of color danced along patches of our skin where the sun's rays managed to break through gaps in the trees' branches.

"Make me a promise," Jasper whispered before kissing the swell of my breast. "Say you love me, that you'll let me help you grieve, and make me a promise."

Sparks of wanton lust filled me again. How could I say no? "I promise," I replied immediately.

Jasper's deep laugh filled my soul. "You didn't even hear what I had to say first!" I shrugged, and suddenly his face was clouding my vision, with a look that begged for my attention. "I'm serious, Isabella."

I turned my head to the side and looked back up through the trees at the sky. "What then?"

"Promise me you'll let it go...Alice, I mean. Revenge is a dance in Hell, and I just need for you to be happy and safe, even if it takes a while for you to get there. Revenge won't give you happiness, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you safe. Promise me," he pleaded.

A deep urge to push him away and deny him his request pulsed through me at first, but I didn't do it. I had to admit that letting go of everything that vampire had done to me wasn't really an option, but I could promise I wouldn't go on a witch hunt to find her. I _could _give him that, but it was my only compromise.

My voice was soft, and I was as honest as I could be when I met his eyes. "I promise."

"Good," he murmured.

A quick memory of something Aro had called him in Italy passed my mind. I grinned slyly before pushing my body up and propping myself onto my elbows as his tongue found a _very _sensitive spot. I reached down and gripped his shoulders before letting my fingers travel across his beautifully marked skin. He looked up at me through dark lashes, giving me his full attention for a second.

"So..." I pushed back the hair that had fallen across his eyes, "...can I call you _Major_?"

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**A/N: Someday was nominated for The Non Canon Awards at thenon-canonawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com for best quote. I was also nominated for The Royal Author Award. Thank you to whomever it was that nominated me and my story. The voting is open, and there are a tonne of great authors/stories over there to vote for, so please take time to do it. **

**Jasper explained a few chapters back that while some vampires married the **_**human**_** way, others did not. I chose a form of marking that wasn't permanent as a type of ritual for marriage...or to fill the place of it. Originally, the scene at the end of this chapter was supposed to be a lot more...**_**involved**_** than it was, but with the recent pulling of fics by FF(dot)net due to content and TOS violations, I honestly didn't dare. So, I gave you the basic hints without being 'vulgar'. Thanks for reading! **

**Kriss**


	40. Chapter 40

_**Someday **_

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. The Twilight Saga and all characters involved, minus those I created for my plot, are the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

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**Epilogue **

The grey haired man, wearing a faded suede leather jacket, slowly walked down the old dirt path he'd come to love over the years. He turned fifty-six the week before, and more than ever, Lysen was starting to really feel it. His knees hurt, his neck was stiff along with his back, and his arms already felt tired from the walking, but he'd damn well promised his family and that crazy doctor of his that he'd stay as active as he possibly could, except for when his arthritis was too hard to bear.

Three times a week, he would grab his cane and make his way out to the old network of pathways that he and his siblings had created through the woods over the years.

Lysen had collapsed two years before in his kitchen from a minor heart attack. His only living sister was visiting at the time with her husband and their dog. That stupid mutt wouldn't leave him alone the whole day, and Lysen couldn't understand what was wrong with the overgrown fur ball. It wasn't like he made it obvious that he disliked animals, but he didn't go out of his way to make friends with them, either. The fact that the little dog kept barking in the corner or nipping at the legs of his pants should have been a sign that something was wrong. Some people believe dogs have a sixth sense about these kinds of things...and Lysen wasn't all too sure what to believe anymore.

After his heart attack, he was sure that idiot doctor of his was out to make Lysen's life as miserable as possible. They cut out every fatty, greasy, cholesterol-filled food in his diet, ordered him to get some exercise, and shoved four different types of pills down his throat twice a day.

He had gone two years–_two_–without having another god damned cheeseburger. He was pretty darn sure he would die before they would ever allow him something that had taste again...or grease. God, he missed grease.

_Stupid egg whites_, he thought to himself. _Who doesn't eat the yolk? Stupid clogged arteries. _

Lysen had to admit that he had eaten well over the years, and when it came to the kitchen, he had never needed to pick up a spoon. His wife of thirty-two years had made sure of that. He'd met Mira-Jade when he was twenty. She was eighteen, strawberry blonde with a cute wink, and had a mind to match his any day of the week. Once he knew she had seen the world and was ready to settle into a quiet life with him, he married her as fast as he could. Mira kept him on his toes every day of their marriage, and she never let him forget how much she loved him. And, God damn, how he missed her smile.

It wasn't always easy for them; life, that is. She was as independent as any woman ever wanted to be, and he had a bank account with no real bottom line, not that he could explain where that money ever came from. All he ever wanted was to give Mira everything she dreamt about. It just took Lysen a little while to realize that what his wife wanted wasn't his money to make her happy but his life and his love.

Of course, that was only a small ripple in the wave that had been their life. At twenty-eight, and still childless, he managed to get her in to one of the best—and most expensive—fertility centers in the country. After the all the tests, blood work, invasive examinations, and scans later, they still didn't have a full answer to their problem. But Lysen was okay with that. He came to the conclusion that if they weren't meant to have their own children then it just wasn't meant to be. He was more than fine with loving every minute he had with his nieces and nephews because even that was more than some people ever managed to have.

He sure missed his beautiful wife. But he'd reaped a king's ransom out of every glorious second he had with her. And the pain of her suffering from that cancer in the end wasn't something he ever wanted to see again. But, damn, all those years were worth it.

Lysen stopped at the old oak tree. His eyes were wet. They usually got that way when he let his mind wander on the topic of his dead wife. He leaned against the tree's trunk for a moment to catch his breath. A tingling pain shot into his chest, and the sharp pain in his arms he had deduced earlier as exhaustion from walking began to intensify.

Looking around in a panic, Lysen realized he was in the early stage of having another possible heart attack. He took a deep breath as nausea rolled in his stomach. The cell phone he'd been told to always carry with him for emergencies was back at the house, but deep down he knew he wouldn't be found in time anyway.

Maybe this was just his time to go.

When the pain doubled in his chest, Lysen's cane dropped to the forest floor with a quiet thud. Tears spilled down his cheeks, and he found himself bent over and grasping his old knees for support. Surprisingly, he found his previous fear was gone, and when his body hit the pathway all he could hope for was that it would be over quick so he could finally see his wife again, wherever she may be.

He dug his hand into the pocket of his trousers to find the small slips of paper he always kept close. With great effort he pulled out the pictures that his adoptive mother, Janet-Elizabeth, had given him when he was old enough to really understand what they meant.

Instead of looking at them, he held them tight in his clenched fist as he gritted his teeth and breathed through another bout of pain. Those pictures were the only link he had to his real parents–well, to one, at least. Lysen didn't need to open them to know what he would see. There would be the well-worn crease marks from being folded and unfolded too many times to count over the years, the image of a beautiful young woman he had never met before, and a few smudged tear stains on the printed paper.

Even so, Lysen couldn't find it within himself in those final moments to be angry. He was at peace in that regard. Janet-Elizabeth had given him a good life, with a strong family, and she had raised him with better morals than most boys his age grew up with. She'd loved him without question, and like all her children, she'd given Lysen everything she had that a mother could give.

He didn't have a single regret.

Through clouded eyes, Lysen watched the small dark figure step out from behind a thick tree. While he didn't know her name, he had seen her before. The tiny girl with the golden eyes had saved his life twice growing up, and he'd never gotten the chance to thank her. He'd always considered her an angel of sorts, but as she quietly sobbed with no tears to show for her grief, he wondered if his theory was true, or if maybe the stories his adoptive mother used to tell the children were when he was growing up.

The girl's face was marred with sadness as she watched him. He didn't call out to her for help; he couldn't seem to find his voice. It was okay, though, because he could hear someone else calling his name, in her familiar sweet tone.

Oh, how he'd missed his wife.

.

.

.

Alice forced herself to breathe, but somehow it hurt. She'd spent the last half century of her life protecting the only thing she had left of her mate only to watch in quiet agony as he took his final breaths.

Twice before, Alice had stepped in to save his life when he was a young child, and she had only done it then because it would have taken too long for help to come in time. Her hand had been forced.

Lysen had been such an accident prone boy.

She pulled out the cell phone she rarely used from her jeans pocket and dialed 911. The dispatcher asked for her name, and instead Alice gave her directions. Who she was would never be important now, seeing as her only purpose left in life was now gone. _Alice _no longer existed.

Searching in her mind for the stranger's face, Alice caught a passing vision of Ethan Barson-Whitlock. With her destination in mind, she fled.

Alice knew Bella Swan had given Ethan as much knowledge as she had on who Alice was. He had a vague description of her features, the names she might go by, and perhaps even the places she might enjoy being if he were in the area. Basically, his coven mate had prepared him well in case he ever came face to face with the vampire who had allowed his family to meet their tragic end.

Ethan was the one last mistake Alice had yet to fix...or at least _try _to.

She'd given Bella as much as she could over the years, in her own way. From a distance, Alice had tried to give her the closure she knew she owed Bella, but Alice doubted that she ever really succeeded. Bella would never be complete until Alice paid for her sins.

Ten years after Bella's change, Alice gave Bella the one thing she was looking for. Alice began leaving messages on the cell phone she knew Bella had. She taunted her, and teased the young vampire, encouraging her to look for Alice, all the while knowing Bella would never find the person she wanted.

Knowing the promise Bella had made to her mate after returning from Volterra, Alice couldn't figure out how the girl managed to keep her messages from Jasper.

After giving her countless clues and dates, Bella finally gave in after Alice left a final message telling her, "It's now or never."

Revenge is a hard pill to swallow for a vampire, but it's not something they ever let go. Alice had to hold on to the belief that despite what Bella had promised Jasper, the things Alice had done to her would override that promise in the end. And God was Alice right.

_Francis Steve Johnson_, the boy who'd taken everything from Bella on that one night she would never forget, was allowed one full day of freedom before the hell that was Bella Swan caught up to him.

Angry, and blindly following a trail that was nothing more than a game to Alice, Bella followed every clue Alice had left for her. Charlotte and Peter had taken a trip to Vegas, and with Jasper on a hunting trip to the city with Ethan, Bella only had so much time to get as far away from their home as possible before Jasper got back and came looking for her.

Bella thought she was chasing a trail that would lead her to Alice, or at least another clue that would get her one step closer to killing the bitch. She was wrong. The trail led her to a dank, dirty alleyway not unlike the one that had destroyed her life so many years before. Bella almost fled the scene when memories from the past became too much to bear, but she lingered a moment longer.

Raucous, alcohol-fueled laughter filled the air, from a bar that stood around the corner. Bella could hear the humans leaving the bar, and the rank stench of piss and vomit floated in her direction.

_How humans could be so disgusting and not care is appalling, _she thought in her mind.

She heard car engines revving as some of the humans left while others walked in the opposite direction from where Bella was hiding in the alleyway. Three loud humans were approaching her direction, and one of the men sounded so familiar that for a moment she had to close her eyes to put a face to that voice

"It was _so _good to see you!" a woman slurred.

"You too, Barb," the familiar voice agreed.

The third person chuckled, and it forced Bella to open her eyes. "Come on, you drunk," the unfamiliar man said through his laughter, "let's get you home. Francis, man, give me a call tomorrow or something, all right?"

_Francis_. She didn't even hear him respond. She was filled with white hot rage, and her body trembled at the realization of what Alice had sent her here to do, what she'd given Bella by doing _this_. Her breathing grew shaky as she listened to the other two humans cross the street while Francis continued his walk toward the alleyway, humming a tune under his breath. Bella felt _sick_.

When had he been paroled, and had those ten years really gone by that quickly? Could she do this? Did she even want to?

Bella moved closer, to a better lit spot. With her head in her hands, she began to quietly sob in what she hoped sounded like a human female crying. Never having been around humans for any extended period of time unless they were going to be her lunch, Bella wasn't really sure what a softly sobbing human sounded like.

Francis heard her just as he reached the mouth of the alleyway. For a second he wondered if an animal was hurt inside, but he walked a bit farther in and saw the strange woman bent over and crying.

"You all right?"

Bella had to fight the urge to kill him right there and then. She didn't answer him, choosing instead to sob a little louder, which caused Francis to walk in farther until he too was hidden from outside view within the dark confines of the alley. Bella stopped sobbing and smiled into her hands. She raised her head, and her red eyes shone with a rage she hadn't felt in a very long time.

Francis stared back at the smiling girl, confused, wondering if she was crazy. "Do you remember me?" her musical voice sang out.

Francis wondered if he should run. "No," he replied, mystified. "Should I?"

Bella's smile morphed into a sneer, and her white teeth gleamed to show how dangerous she was in the darkness. Francis tried to run, but it was a futile effort. Pressing her mouth to his ear, her nails cutting into the skin of his arms and letting his blood flow free, Bella whispered, "Oh, you will."

.

.

.

Alice shook her head as she ran through the forest, trying to rid herself of the memories. She knew that killing Francis hadn't given Bella the closure she needed, but Alice hoped it helped.

It took a while, and a few more fleeting visions, before Alice finally started crossing paths with Ethan's scent, as well as the other members of the Whitlock clan. She knew she was playing with fire coming so close to their boundary line.

Through her visions, Alice knew that Jasper had taken Bella on a trip to the city to pick out a new car. Charlotte and Peter were home, but sniffing the air, Alice could tell they hadn't been outside for over an hour. She hoped they were too pre-occupied with each other in their home to notice anything happening outside. Ethan's scent was fresh, though, and he was _close. _Since Alice wasn't entirely familiar with the boy, her visions of his decisions were nothing more than snippets and passing glances. In other words, she couldn't trust them, so she had to move carefully.

She had no time to react before he was upon her, fast and silent, and knocking the intruding vampire to the ground. Ethan was as deadly as a snake. Snarls and growls erupted as they crashed through the trees. Years of training had done well for Ethan's fighting ability. He knew where he stood when it came to a fight, and he knew how to win, too.

He didn't know who the female was that he'd attacked, and he really didn't care, either. Vampires that crossed onto their land without permission could expect nothing less than a quick death. He really didn't like to be bothered on his daily run, and _this _was definitely a fucking bother.

Alice managed to flee his grasp, with her neck stinging from a deep bite, just long enough to make the boy stop for a moment. "Please, just give me a moment to speak," she pleaded, cupping the leaking wound on her neck.

Still in a defensive crouch, Ethan cocked his head to the side and finally got a good look at the female. He suddenly felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs. Was this _her_? Was this the vampire who had taken his family from him, the one Bella had described to him through hazy human memories? Could it really be _her_? She looked enough like it, and she seemed to recognize him, though he wasn't sure how.

A long time ago Ethan had let go of the resentment he held toward some of his coven mates for the misguided thoughts he had in regard to their possible involvement in his family's end. In all the years he'd been a vampire, it took him many of those years to finally come to the conclusion that the person he felt he should really blame was Alice. He was having a hard time believing that she was standing directly in front of him and wasn't running away.

"There is nothing you could say that would make me let you go," Ethan growled.

Alice nodded quickly. "I know. I just...I've got to try...I don't _want _to live."

Ethan felt gobsmacked. Was she trying to trick him? "I won't play your games like Bella does, Alice."

"Ethan, I won't apologize to you for doing what I did, and I sure won't explain it, either. Nothing I say could justify what I've done to you, so let's not pretend like it ever could. But I need you to tell Bella that I've been fixing my mistakes ever since the night I walked off that roof. She needs to know that. There's nothing left. She _needs_ this, Ethan."

At those words, the black hole of agony in Alice's chest opened wider. She struggled to breathe. Living without her mate had never hurt so much. She had nothing left to keep her here.

She stared off into the forest. "You're my last mistake to fix, Ethan. You are my last wrong to put right."

He understood then. She was offering herself to him, giving him the chance to kill her. If he didn't do it, he knew she'd find another way to have it finished.

"Please," she whispered.

Ethan didn't hesitate before _slaughtering _her.

.

.

.

It took nearly the rest of the day before Ethan returned home. He'd had to be sure Alice was gone for good, and he'd stood vigil as he watched her burn to ash. He had been far enough out on their property that Peter and Charlotte hadn't seen or heard the commotion.

When he did return, Bella and Jasper were back, fawning over a sleek silver car with dark tinted windows and black racing stripes that ran up the middle. Ethan saw them outside before they noticed his arrival.

But Jasper could smell him. It was that familiar tinge of Ethan's citrus mixed with the spilled venom of a female vampire he hadn't seen in years. He also smelled of fire and the sickly sweet scent of burned vampire flesh. It struck a chord as he watched Ethan, looking somber and stunned, walk quietly from the forest's edge.

"Sweetheart," Jasper murmured softly to his mate as she too watched in a confused state as Ethan neared them, "please go inside."

For once, Bella didn't argue. She just did as she was asked.

Ethan made it halfway across the front yard before he stopped. He was still in shock. That was the first kill of their kind that he'd ever made, and she hadn't even fought back. He was trying to find some ounce of regret, but he couldn't.

Jasper knew that if Alice had come to seek out her death it could only mean one thing: Lysen was gone, too. That left him with the realization that he was finally free of the lies he'd created that had kept him hostage all these years.

He stared at Ethan in silence. The young boy's confusing emotions over his actions were almost overwhelming. Jasper knew better than anyone that he had to leave the boy alone to figure out how he was going to let this affect him. Nothing Jasper could say would make it any better.

.

.

.

A few days later, Jasper scoured the internet for the final piece of information he needed to add to the folder he'd been creating over the years to finally give to his mate. When he found the obituary for Bella's son on a funeral home's website, he quickly printed it off and placed it on the top of the pile inside the file.

He couldn't read it. Jasper wanted Bella to have that right first. After all, Jasper had taken everything else her son could have given over the years away from her.

Jasper had arranged, giving as little information as possible, for the rest of their coven to take a week off away from their home. He needed to do this alone. _Bella_ would need to do this alone.

He found her in their bedroom sprawled across their still messed up sheets, reading a worn old book. Jasper clutched the file in his hands tighter as she looked up at him with a smile. The look on her face turned to confusion when she saw the look of remorse on his face.

"Jas?"

"I have something for you," he explained softly, "and I want you to know before you see it that I did what I did knowing what it might cost me. I needed more than anything in this world to know you would be safe if I were ever put on trial for my choices. I don't regret what I did, Sugar, I just don't, and I need you to know that."

"What are you talking about?" She got up from the bed, and he handed the folder to her. Bella stared at the file, confused, but she didn't open it right away. "What is this?"

"It's the only secret I've ever kept from you."

She opened the file quickly, and her eyes travelled over the name of someone she thought had died long ago. Although it hadn't been easy, she had come to terms with his death, but Jasper felt her heart crumble all the same. Every detail of Lysen's life that Jasper could gather was in that file. There were newspaper photos, graduation announcements, a marriage certificate, and more. Jasper had wanted to give Bella as much as he could, but he knew it still wouldn't be enough.

"Oh."

It was one simple word, and it broke him. Jasper knew it would take years for her to get past this, but he would gladly wait every second for that day to come. He would follow her to the ends of the earth and back until she was ready for him to explain himself.

Jasper's voice was filled with remorse and pain. It would be the last sentence his mate would ever want to hear him say for a long time, and he knew it. "I'm sorry."

_**Forgiveness is the final form of love. -**__**Reinhold Niebuhr **_

_**Fin.**_

* * *

**Ending A/N: Francis was the boy who killed Lee. Janet-Elizabeth is the name Emmett's granddaughter had her name changed to, the same Elizabeth that Jasper had taken Lysen to live with. And for those who will wonder, Carlisle and Esme made it out of Volterra alive, they stayed for a few years because Esme liked it there. They just weren't important to the ending. **

**Thank you all for reading. Thank you for reviewing and alerting and faving this story. It means a ton. All your opinions have meant so much, and they helped me as well. **

**I have to give proper due to my helpers and friends:**

**Tina (JaspersDestiny): Thank you. And hugs, and kisses, and a million dollars for every night you stayed up to help me with this monster, and for taking over to beta in the middle when I needed it, and the end when I came back to it. Thanks for pushing me. **

**TheLyricalCutie and Becky03: Thanks for all your help and time with pre-reading. Seriously, girls, you made my day with some of your comments. **

**TheFaintHeart: I don't know where you are, chicka, but I hope you're doing okay, and I hope you're reading, too! Thanks for being an awesome beta and friend when I needed one. **

**VSPS: Hey, bb, it's finished! **

**-Kristen**


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